The Next Poster...


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"Kiss From a Rose" and the Banana Splits theme song are both equally romantic...

(if you get that reference, you are (also) old.)

The next poster has a favorite scene in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn that would surprise you.


"Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated!"

The next poster has fake spoilers that may be even better than the true spoilers.

Scarab Sages

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Snape kills Dumbledore, then flees to South America, where he uses his alchemical talents to become a drug lord who makes Walter White, Pablo Escobar, and Tony Montana all put together look like NOTHING!

The next poster is an eco-terrorist of particularly ingenious methods.


Burn everything down: jungle, animals, everything. People will be afraid and start caring for nature.

The next poster followed my advice.


They will never know what they missed. Also I used to know a cat with your name

The next poster knows for a fact its hurts to help.


I tried to help Grandpa Wonderbread cross the street, but he beat me over the head with is +5 Adamantine Walking Stick of Curmodgeonness!

The next poster makes similarly outrageous magical weapons.


I once made a vorpal blade that crits on any hit for a tiny puppet.

The next poster thinks that is a good idea, and will explain why.


I am a 127th level fighter with a love of tiny puppets. Given how many times I hit per round, my collection of miniature marionettes is now an absolute wonder to behold. What a Godsend that sword was!

The next poster has beheld their own wonder, and would like to tell us all about it.


I have. I was beholdin' it this morning. How shall I describe it? It is neither shiny nor dull. Hard nor soft. Long nor short.

Do you know what I call it? The next poster does.


That be your tongue, you cleaned window with this morning.

Next pozter never clean window with tongue, knows of better means for cleaning windows.


Each time the windows need cleaning I move to a place with clean windows. Not because cleaning them is boooooring (it is) but because it's a clear sign that I've already been around too much.

The next poster also travels a lot.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I traveled the mist of Ravenloft for a few years, and more recently I learned how the travel the planes. Still home is always a welcome sight.

The next poster runs a mythological travel agency, and will share the hottest travel destinations for this travel season.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

You can travel to Rix Maadi, where you will find a never-ending party in the active volcano that is the lair of the archdemon Rakdos the Defiler and his happy mad cult. It will be the best party of your life!

I can also planeshift you to Shiv, land of crazy red dragons, where you can bet your life trying to get a bunch of dragon eggs. Just for the bravest of adventurers.

If you want to test your force of will, I will take you to the Azorius Tribunals, where you can face yourself with the complexities of a legal system designed to avoid your success and to bore you to death.

Do you want to try your luck? Just let me target you with a Prismatic Spray. Planeshift not guaranteed, though. I will try until I succeed or you are dead.

Payment in advance required. Survival not guaranteed.

The next poster chooses the Prismatic Spray option.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I can't die, so I'll take the cheaper option!!

The next poster has a more standard form of travelling.


By trombone.

The next poster would like to tell us how to identify counterfeit meatloaf.


It smells like turkey (because it is).

The next poster will show us a new dance move using only ASCII characters.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

(>-_o)>
<(-_o<)
^(-_o)^
v(-_o)v
(>*<)

The next poster will tell us about taking dance lessons from me.


Did you know that they do not have animal cruelty laws in Mexico like they to in the U.S.? Anyways that is where we meet, he taught me many things ... *tears up*
Check me out now!

The next poster likes pinia coladas and dancing in the rain.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

What I actually said was that I liked Penis Colanders and Tasering Ayn Rand, but I'll take whatever I can get at this point, to be honest.

The next poster is worried, because it's straining men.


It's straining men, hallelujah, it's straining men! <-- that worries me.

The next poster will provide some lyrics for a song they wrote about falling in love with a Drider only to be betrayed (inevitably) by said Drider.


Now since my baby left me,
my groin has begun to swell.
He ran of on eight lil' spider feet
and took himself down to hell.

And now I...
I'm gonna find him, baby.
I'm gonna catch him.
and he's gonna wish that, he had died...

The next poster will explain what a penis colander is while tasering Ayn Rand


*ZZZAP! ZZZAP!*

"Ohh, you magnificent he-beast, do it again!"

"Thankyou, Ms. Rand. That'll be $5.85, plus 012.879 cents per minute for the electricity"

"Stop it with that dirty talk - you're driving me mad with your sexy yaps - mad! Mad! Off with your pants and let me at it... But what's that, and why is there spaghetti stuck in it?"

The next poster intends to keep it clean.


Lather, rinse, repeat until end of days.

The next poster prefers pleather, Prince, Brie feet.


It's eerie that you'd know that about me. I'm okay with that I guess.

The next poster invented an RPG called "Hey Watch This!" set in the Bayou. They are going to tell you what their first adventure module is called.


It's called,"Rope swinging over the gator!"

The next poster is the sole survivor of the playtest.


I got to RP the gator. It was fun.

The next poster has also experience in life threatening RPGs.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

LARPing on an active volcano is very dangerous.

The next poster was also at that LARP event...

The Exchange

*shoves KahnyaGnorc into the volcano* FEAST, O GODDESS!

The next poster would like to join my church.


If involves burning longshanks, Poog want join!

Next poster took dip in shark populated water tank, and barely survived.


It tried to bite my head off. Turns out shark teeth are not the only things that are sharp. Poor thing.

Next poster had a convenient recipe for a severely damaged shark carcass.


It's called "Shoal Kill"

Ingredients:

  • 700lb severely damaged shark carcass cut into 120 pieces
  • Coarse-grained salt
  • Freshly ground black pepper

Directions:
Preheat kiln to 2380 degrees F. Season severely damaged shark carcass with salt and pepper. Place severely damaged shark carcass, gory side down, on a non-stick baking sheet (don't count on reusing the baking sheet). Bake until severely damaged shark carcass is cooked thoroughly (including cartilage), about 15 to 20 minutes. Serve with the Toasted Almond Parsley Salad and squash, if desired.

The next poster doesn't like the taste of food.


It obstructs my elemental conducts.

The next poster feeds only on one specific food.


Larry. I only consume Larry.

The next poster has the monopoly on Larry meat.


Just as well - my attempt to market Curley Meat as a health food failed utterly. I wonder why?

The next poster would like to extol the benefits of the Moe Diet.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

The Moe you eat, the Moe you lose.

The next poster thinks that's ridiculous

Spoiler:
And they would be correct


1 person marked this as a favorite.

That's ridiculous. I'm right, right?

The next poster cannot open my spoiler.

Spoiler: "Click here" hehe


Your Spoiler is broken! not working!?!?!? 0/10

The next poster doesn't like me giving ratings since there is already a thread for that.


5537 useless posts. The last one will make you angry!

The next poster sees right through this scam.


All lies! I checked and there were 5538 posts! Each one was a pearl of wisdom.

The next poster thinks there is nothing to see here.


It's after 9pm, and 'Tub-time with GoatToucher and Friends - Uncensored' is on teevee. I am not opening my eyes until morning.

The next poster is peeping.


I peeped, and I much regret it now !

All I can say is that GoatToucher has many interesting friends, and that I didn't know that white translucent whales were a furries thing.

The next poster has a thing about newts.


And that thing is called shark soup.

The next poster has a thing for another sea creature.

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Behold the fruit of my forays into biomechanical innovation: Clockwork-enhanced kamikaze starfish!!!

The next poster has a fine use for such a thing.


You'd assume I'd use it as a ninja star. But you'd be wrong. I use it to cut up pizza in non-standard geometry patterns.

The next poster can bench press 1,522 lbs.


With my BEARD!

The next poster can bench 1522 ounces.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I can! I can!

*Translates to metric system*

OK, I cannot...

The next poster also has isues with measures.


Indeed! "Too big! Much too big!" is a bit arbitrary, isn't it? Somebody should do a study to unequivocally determine exactly how big "too big" is.

In metric and Imperial measurements, if you please.

The next poster can't define "too big" to my satisfaction, but they know it when they see it.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

It is about yay big or bigger.

The next poster hails from a planet where yay is a standard unit measurement . . .


1 person marked this as a favorite.

A yay is the circumference of Planet Yay. How far is that star? 31 Yays.

The next poster is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, shy!

We have to be quiet and encouraging or they will never post at all. Shhhhh everyone! You can do it, little buddy. Go on. Now push the Submit Post button.

Sovereign Court

*Peers ever so, ever so, carefully out from under the bed sheets. Has a quick two seconds to look around before hiding under the bed sheets again.*

The next poster has recently composed several poems using the titles from every Goosebumps book (whether or not they recite them for us is a different matter all together, the first series alone contains a staggering sixty two books).

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