The Next Poster...

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They say my ship is the hottest place in all the sea!!

The next poster wants to check it.

Dark Archive

I want to check it! I need to check it! The ship might be burning! Oh, my Gods! We're going to sink! We're going to drown!

The next poster has a good idea for calming me down.

There, there, dear. Everything will be okay. Here have a cookie.

* hands Seleena a freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie and glass of milk *

The next poster tried to steal the cookie from Seleena but failed and met a terrible fate.

Yes, Mistress, I'll bake all the cookies you want, Mistress. What else can I do for you, Mistress?

The next poster has tasted one of the cookies and realized why wild elf barbarians shouldn't try to cook.

It's... tasty. It's... so... tasty... that... Urrgh! (Vomits). Please, don't kill me!!! It was tasty, I swear it!!!

The next poster eats the remaining cookies while no one is watching. And he/she enjoys them!

It's delicious! It makes me remember the bark I had to eat as a child, only that this one is harder to chew!

The next poster has a creative use for Reya's cookies.

Just what I needed! I had just run off arrow tips and a dragon is coming! HA!

The next poster fears the power of elven cookies.

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Elven cookies! The one substance that can penetrate my otherwise invulnerable Draconic hide!

The next poster knows of a way to shield me from the cookies' power.

(Dalindra and me are ROFL with your answer, Ventnor. We couldn't stop laughing)

Don't worry, Ventnor, I'll eat them before they can harm you!!! Come here, delicious elven cookies!!!

The next poster wants to hire Reya for a personal project involving her cookies.

Elven cookies? The perfect dessert for a Goodberries meal! They could feed the poor and hungry for weeks.

The next poster has a bad feeling about it.

I have a bad feeling... Too many cookies... Broken teeth... Belly aches...

The next poster has the perfect medicine!

Dark Archive

Here, try this. *hands Kileanna a composite concoction of undead anatomy I, resinous skin, vomit swarm, vocal alteration, and polypurpose panacea*

The next poster shall bear witness to what I have wrought.

My true self has been revealed thanks to your concoction!

The next poster is an expert in creating all kind of spawns.

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Well, I don't like the brag, but my horrible creations have themselves spawned a horror movie franchise or three.

The next poster has seen one of these horror movie franchises and is not impressed.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

My daughter starred in one of them, she had her only line of speech cut and they didn't manage to capture her beautiful smile. What a waste of talent!

The next poster starred in one of the movies too.

Yes, but it was an altogether different kind of horror.


The next poster ran the camera and had to watch everything close up and in lurid detail.

*is in a catatonic state*

The next poster can save me, but at a terrible price.

I've made a transplant of GoatToucher's stem cells into your brain, so you stop rejecting what you saw... but I'm not sure of the side effects it could have.

The next poster has witnessed the «side effects» and is a bit scared.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

It is a bit like lycanthropy, except you begin to enjoy eating wolfs-bane, and placing it places it shouldn't be... yeah, I'm scared, of you most likely, using anything from GoatToucher's body should be a intergalactic, nah, cosmic crime...
IT was a tragedy, and the next poster will need to set things right.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Computers have been banned, by my personal command, and we shall now have to use our fingers and toes to calculate with, and public lavatory walls if we wish to anonymously hurl abuse at or make crude sexual comments to complete strangers.

The next poster cast Animate Object on their bidet, and would like to try and explain why.

I did it because my animate bath tube kept asking me to give it a pet.

The next poster collects strange pets.

I collect every loyal pet I find, although they are usually very short-lived.

The next poster, just like my pets, is willing to give his life for his master.

So bad this humble servant has no real life, Master. I'll give many other lifes for my Master willingly, though.

The next poster is not willing to give his life for my master at all.

Of, course not, I am my own game master, or, if you prefer, Game Hamster...

The next poster is not one of the Sheeple either.

I am the wolf among the sheep, the scourge of a race, the one and only queen of all elves!

The next poster is overly dramatic too.

Alas I am without my Loch ness monster treats woe unto me what ever shall I do I do not have a single coin to my name the snack costing a mere three fiddy is all it would take to save me from this life of woe

The next poster is seriously considering giving me three fiddy.

Reptiles must stick together, but I don't have any petty cash. Take my rod of wonders instead so you can sell it.

The next poster has some interesting uses for a rod of wonder.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Apparently you can use it to hurt monsters in addition to all the sex stuff. Who knew?

The next poster is skeptical.

I won't believe it until I try!
*picks the rod of wonders from the Loch Ness Monster*
*Turns Vick's hair to grass, even the moustache*
It's not working.
*throws the rod away*

The next poster tries to use the rod to turn Vick back to normal but only makes it worse.

I'm good with these things!! *grabs rod, summons two pit fiends* What is this!? I meant to turn him purple!! This thing is defective!!

The next poster will do something entirely irrelevant.

*Sits on the rooftop, watching*

The next poster does something that was meant to be relevant, but it isn't.

*Takes out a bottle of beer, pops the top off, takes a drink, and waits for the inevitable to happen*

The next poster is good at fighting Pit Fiends.

Scarab Sages

Empowered, Heightened, CHAOS HAMMER!!!

The next poster goes golfing with Dr Pirate.

I am Dr. Pirate's Caddie. I slay those evil balls that dare to go where they shouldn't be going. They are a plague.

The next poster used to hire me as a caddie before, but stopped to do so after a painful experience.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

"Squire!", quoth I, "Passeth thou me ye ludicrously large, spikey sword which is made of molten lightning or summat, as I am fighting in an animation produced in the far-off land of Zipangu and wish to look the part"

"Ye mun use a wedge in th' bunker, surrr", he gargled, so I did smite him most lustily.

The next poster would like to tell us of the advantages of having a very small nose.

You can use very small handkerchiefs.

The next poster would like to tell us the advantage of having very long ears!

Welp, ya tiny longshanks, da adventagugues (huh - how ya longshanks speak big wards 'fuddle me) is - Oh looks! *bends over to pick up a shiny coin**promptly forgets what he was going to say.*

The next poster will be distracted by something else as well.

You little racist goblin! You think I should be distracted because I have kender blood! You must know that I am a really focused... Hey! Nice hat! It has pointy teeth! Where can I get one?

The next poster is so distracted too that he is doing the «next poster» thing from the first post in page number 3 (whatever it is, I haven't checked).

Well's of course, I'se can tells yas where I'se gots it!! I was ons a tours once, back in me Punked Rocked days, and I'se hads this fan whose killeds a dragon... wells, I'se shanked him but(t) good, and tooks him suit.

The next poster also kills dragon slayers, but for entirely different reasons.

It was nothing personal. Self defense, you know. Actually, it is becoming a very boring routine. I should hire a dragonslayerslayer to do the job for me.

The next poster is willing to do the job... for a price.

Well, I can do one of two things... I can give you complete control over one of the universes in my multiverse, but you'll have to temporarily die so that I can adjust your soul and transform you into a dracolich, thus condemning your once immortal soul to death should you ever be killed and your phylactery destroyed, or I can send a group of adventurers out who only want to talk things over with you, but you'll suffer two negative levels as a result of getting fat after having no battles to fight.

The next poster is secretly insane.

Oh no! They found out!

The next poster is no-so-secretly insane.

*Makes an effort of faking normality while trying to lure a Seventh Tentaclarian to a trap so she can cook it after sacrificing it to Cthulhu*

The next poster made a different sacrifice.

Edit: ninja'ed but my post still works, so I'm not changing it.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Don't be afraid... I only use the freshest soylent green in my delvings into the dark arts.

The next poster hates ninjas, and people who ninja other peoples posts.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Yarr! It's a natural enmity!

The next poster is both a pirate and a ninja.

I have my special cloaking device, and i download stuff from The Piratebay, so yeah, i am.

The next poster has had to babysit Bleached Otyugh last weekend.

It was an interesting experience, I often avoid using Otyughs for a reason, as walking talking trash disposers don't sit well with me for the most part.

the next poster also dislikes a paticular monster variety

Plant creatures. They don't know their place. I never liked eating vegetables and sure I don't like to be eaten by vegetables.

The next poster cultivates some plants.

True, true...... strangle vines.

They keep unwanted visitors away.

The next poster makes an excellent spaghetti.

Yeah, but I eventually got resurrected after being served as the main course at a fancy spaghetti feast. I apparently go well with a more traditional sauce.

The next poster was at said feast . . .

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