** spoiler omitted **
I'll go get the wordswoman, the familiar says to Kalim.
Sitting on Felicitas shoulder Aurora wholeheartedly supported Felicitas effeort to change. But then Bhagavana entered the room.
"Hi, what´s up. Did your master send his common sens, what did that dimwitted, WHAT! Mistress, get up now! And I mean, NOW!
Dickforbrains has again shown you can´t trust him with a bucket of sand on the beach. No worse!"
With a telephatic word he adresses the tumor Familiar again.
"Want me to carry you. That will be funny!"
It seems as if a thunderstorm just entered a room.
Felicitas and the two familiars rush into the room looking at the others looking at Desmond sitting on the bed.
Taking a deep breath she picks a chair turns it back and sits down.
"Actually I thought you had learned to do better. You know I trusted you. I really did. You seemed to have at least some common sense. I mean you Karnog and Grungsdi! Entrusting someone with the brain of a dog in a room full of heated b%!$&es with those weapons. Well, we will get to the truth of it. If Desmond tries to cover his ears or run, please make sure he doesn´t. If you have to break a bone, please one you can heal!"
She then looks at Desmond for two, three, four, five seconds before continuing.
"Ok my comrade. You may think that I am the weakest one of the group, and in a way, you are correct. I may not be as strong as Grungsdi, or command magic as high as Kalim. That is correct. My power is in my words, in my presence and so far there was no reason for me to get angry. But now, you dickfocused, titgrabbing, hedonistic excuse for a man have managed what no one else so far did. You got me furious. Do you think that this is a party? Do you think that this is fun! Have you not for once listened, noticed what we do here. Again whom we are fighting? For what!"
Taking a deep breath Felicitas continues.
"I could start with facing you with the ugly truth. With everyone else, I would call it insulting, but with your ´Adventures´ you have proven that every term commonly used as an insult would be very close or even under the mark. Dickcontrolled monkey, no, even monkey are cleverer by half, let´s say Lemure, yes that is closer, would be my first term, followed by, I cannot call you profoundly stupid without venturing so far out on the critical limb as to bend it to the ground, or that you and I are from the same race, did your mother have a dalliance with the wart on Noticulats hairy ass? That would be the only explanation I can find. To quote my teacher who had a pupil half as dumb
´I got to tell you, you don’t look too bright. I got a son, stupid as a man who bought his stupid at a two-for-one sale, and you remind me of him.
OR, to go with sammler words, so that there is a better chance you understand them:
"Addletongued applenecked amateur animal! Baldybacked bumptious birdbrained bootlicker! Craventailed crumpetfaced cur! Despicable dungeoneared doodlebug! Entrail-eatin’ eggheaded eyesore! Foulfurred frog-fearin’ felon! Nitnosed chopcheeked dishwater-drinker! Loppylugged laggard! Fatuous ferrets!"
Felicitas stops for a moment to compose herself!"
But I am not a woman who likes to work with those terms. That is impolite. I could appeal to your common sense, but then I would have to cut open your head and piss in it, and the piss would have more common sense than you. No, I am not that kind of woman, and you should already be on your knees and thank whatever goods you worship that I am not, because if I were, you would afterwards beg for a leash, so that someone who has half a brain could tow you behind.
Or I could threaten you. I would start with I will crush your balls to bloody pulp, as this seems the only way that you can concentrate on the task at hand. Trust me, it has crossed my mind more than once the last time you disappeared. To have a sexual experience with a thrice cursed vampire. AH do not start with that you survived. Actually that was, now, the worse outcome. Or do I have to remember you that Karnog had to beg Torag to cure you. Why Torag did that as the god he is, is beyond me. It must be that he is beyond merciful.
Or I could play tricks with your mind, and make you my lapdog. I would call you ´Bello` and as you are not worth real food, I would make you like my boots for nourishment and you would thank me for eternity for my limitless mercy.
But then I thought, I should ask Karnog to summon some ineventible to carry you off to the plane of absolute law to clean chamberpots in a precise matter for the next ooh, maybe next 10.000 years. Every minute, every hour, every day, using the exact same movements, rinse-repeat, rinse-repeat, rinse-repeat. And trust me that thought is still at the front of my mind.
And I do not care what it takes, even if I have a concert in hell, playing the fiddle for the prince of lies, this would be worth the price!"
Taking a deep breath and looking in his eyes she continues.
"Now listen Desmond, and do not even try to insult me with lying, where on Golarion are those weapons. I will appeal at our comradeship! We need them to destroy them, to have a snowball in hells chance to survive this. So, please, please, please, with whipped cream on top, where are THE THRICE CURSED WEAPONS!"
Felicitas is mad beyond belief, her fury is white hot.
Actually she also enjoys this chance to show off a little bit
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Desmond slowly looks between all the party members, one by one.
...
...
...
"Alright so I'm sensing a bit of hostility here."
"Ayup, lad. You've ignored or deflected long enough. Time to cough up the weapons, and we can go back to how everything was beforehand."
"Would have been pretty impressive if I had swallowed them..." Desmond muses.
Grung clouts Desmond on the ear
As Felicitas enters the library conference room with the two familiars, Desmond is noticeably shifting back and forth on his feet. He was initially taken aback by his summoning to Talbard's library, especially since he's not overly fond of reading, but he soon realized it was a gang-up full blown intervention. He was caught off guard when the future king picked him up like a rag doll and cuffed his ear (a few times), but that was child's play when compared to Kalim's stern warning. He has witnessed unspeakable power from Kalim's "Void."
Doing his best to maintain some dignity he smiled when the softly spoken bard entered. Finally, a calming voice to de-escalate the tension. Then she went on a rant...
The bard's words even made Bhagavana blush.
Meanwhile, Nym and Karnog empty the contents of Desmond's extra-dimensional bags onto the ground...the evil weapons are not present.
"All right, lad. If you're unwilling to do this voluntarily, it might be time for magical compulsion. I don't want to go that route, and you don't either. Time to stop playing and tell us where they are."
Desmond looks to Kalim, then Karnog, then sighs. "Alright, alright. I'll show you where they are."
"Perfect. Lead the way, and don't think to get cute. You know what happens if you pick a fight, and you can't possibly run or hide."
Desmond waves a hand dismissively. "Yeah yeah, I know I work best in a team. This way..." Desmond leads the party towards the heart of the city, toward where the taverns and inns are. After a few turns he glances around, then motions the party to follow him as he ducks into a back alley. "Come on. She won't meet out in the open."
Felicitas has getting a look on her face that she thinks that this is not going to be pretty. But she follows Desmond nevertheless.
Fentonville doesn't have too many back alley's but Desmond does manage to find a couple twists and turns that are out of the way.
Grung grumbles but follows his comrade without question.
sense motive
"Lad, I'm warning you one last time. What you're trying, this counts as theft from our group, an attack on us. Think through your choices, and make a good one."
Karnog slips his lasso out from its holder, then casts bulls strength on himself.
As Karnog takes out his rope Desmond suddenly takes off down the alley!
Bardic performance suggestion STOP. DC 22
Attack with lasso:
vs touch
Seeing his lasso sail past Desmond, he mutters through his beard in dwarven a multitude of curses and disparaging comments towards the rogue's behavior and parentage.
"Please don't kill him, just bring him back, if you could, folks."
Desmond stops in his tracks.
1d20+12 sense motive
"Lad, I'm warning you one last time. What you're trying, this counts as theft from our group, an attack on us. Think through your choices, and make a good one."
Karnog slips his lasso out from its holder, then casts bulls strength on himself.
The group surrounds Desmond who stopped in mid-stride. Karnog quickly slips his lasso around the thief and Grung gets a firm hold on runner's left earlobe. Kalim interjects that the walking Desmond does have a room at the SlyWink Tavern.
Reluctantly, the Desmond is maneuvered by the party to the Slywink Tavern. The lunch crowd is there most are enjoying the daily special: fish stew and crusty bread along with a few tankards. The owner proprietor welecomes you, "Have seat and drink wary travelers." Then she realizes Desmond is there....tied up. She quickly jibes, "The girls were right about you...kinky tricks." she simply shakes her head back and forth in disbelief. "You still have a balance due on your bar tab by the way."
Desmond gives a smirk. "Well you know I'll be back."
As the troop enters the room Nym produces a flat iron looking bar and hands it to Karnog
"Desmond, we don't always or even often see eye to eye. But you are my spear brother, and gifted in the arts of the blade. If you disagree with our ideas for what to do with the weapons, that can be discussed. But, even of your sense of humor and mine do not ...align ...I can respect jests you make. But when we speak of the possible lives... I am here for a reason. And when Guru Karnog is riled to angry action, I must ask you to consider your position. For your own sake. And also ...understand with out Guru Karnog's staying hand I will let you feel It. In short, explain quickly. "
Desmond looks with wide eyes at Kalim for a moment, then looks down. "I can't...I must return the weapons to their owner...I have to...you will take them away..."
Everyone makes their way to Desmond's room. Once the door is open it looks like a tornado has taken place. There are plenty of liquor bottles scattered and the bed is overturned, the dresser is moved and tossed onto it's side. All of his clothing and linens are torn and tossed around. To some, it looks like Desmond had an amazing time last night, but to others, it's clear that his room was frantically searched.
"I fear he is possessed by the weapons
Maybe a protection from evil could help?" Looking aroundv Felicitas sighes.
Desmond walks into the room downtrodden, but then quickly panics. "No!" He begins ripping at the floor, prying floorboards loose.
Desmond frantically starts to search the room. He scrambles by prying up edges on various floorboards beginning under the bed, then dresser and finally in the closet. He finds the unholy large great axe and the fallen angel's brilliant unholy greatsword, but the vicious frost dwarven waraxe is missing.
"Well, that's two out of three, at least. I suppose we need to search down the axe and find it now, we do NOT want another Captain Luther popping up again."
Suddenly Desmond flings the weapons to the ground like they burned him. "Gahh! Keep those damned things away from me!" He swears and shakes his head. "Damnit. I'm sorry everybody, I should have been more careful about grabbing them originally. For hells sake though somebody came in here and searched the room. At least they only found one spot."
"Yes, I am sorry I hadn't prepared a magic circle spell. At least you seem to have come to your senses, Desmond. Now, we get to track down that blasted evil axe and bring it back!"
Once the door is open it looks like a tornado has taken place.
Looking at the two weapons Nym states
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Snipping to Nym Felicitas replies.
Moving to the one floorboard Felicitas prays it loose.
The floorboard Felicitas works open and it reveals an empty spot.
The room falls silent - an odd pregnant pause - as the group realizes one of the evil weapons has been stolen. To make matters worse it is the weapon gifted by Orcus to his dwarf graveknight. You recall what the smith, Gruum Sharpest, in the dungeon forewarned that axe is like a homing beacon for Orcus. What has Desmond done...!
Snipping to Nym Felicitas replies.
** spoiler omitted **
Moving to the one floorboard Felicitas prays it loose.
survival
Help me look for some clues of who and where and what took it.
Grung starts to scour the room