DungeonmasterCal's House of Respite


Off-Topic Discussions

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Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Dire Dog.

A bear-hunting, knight-carrying dog.

I love this. One of my players had mastiff as her animal companion and this would have made her deliriously happy.


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Poor Monkey Santa had a rough weekend...

Context (for those who don't watch football): The Patriots lost 38-3 in the worst loss of Belichik's career and a (sadly) well-earned frontier beatdown. And (for those who don't follow Taylor Swift), Taylor Swift is apparently dating KC Chief Travis Kelce. Which is ruining football IMHO, because the color commentators in every damn game keep talking about it like they're excited middle-schoolers at lunch.


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Welp, last night was a first. I've never had a PC killed by another player before.

We were facing a creature called a roiling oil. Literally named OIL. I'm in the small room with it. The guy playing the ranger says "I have a flaming arrow, but that seems like a bad idea, so I'll shoot it with a normal arrow." Wise, the ranger was.

The guy playing the arcanist, on the other hand, thought casting burning arc on what amounts to a large sentient blob of unlit napalm was a GOOD idea.

1. The roiling oil caught fire, exploding outwards in a blast that damaged everyone in 20 feet. It took no damage from the flames, being immune to fire.
2. The roiling oil was now living napalm and used its attack to do 5d6+15 of fiery bludgeoning to my character who had just taken full explosion damage.

*face palm*

It was just... wow...


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At least you didn't have to retcon TPKs from 'friendly' Fireballs at least three times.


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Three?

Jibbers Crabst. One, maybe. If I were GMing, the second time a player friendly fireballed the party, they'd be asked to leave and never return. Possibly with the throwing and the off-the-balcony and the hey-hey-it-hurts treatment on their way out.


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It usually went something like this:

GM: *describes area*
Player: *sits reading something, mostly ignoring GM*
GM: "you see [an enemy], and ..."
Player: *interrupts* I cast Fireball!
GM: "...and the fireball explodes in the tiny room, killing everyone."
Player: "Uh...oops?"


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That's a paddlin.


Pathfinder LO Special Edition, Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, PF Special Edition Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Superscriber
Bjørn Røyrvik wrote:

It usually went something like this:

GM: *describes area*
Player: *sits reading something, mostly ignoring GM*
GM: "you see [an enemy], and ..."
Player: *interrupts* I cast Fireball!
GM: "...and the fireball explodes in the tiny room, killing everyone."
Player: "Uh...oops?"

You can't cure stupid.


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I have well, had, two players renowned for their bomb first, ask questions later approaches. They eventually stopped doing that but those moments are seriously some of the ones we talk about the most when telling tabletop war stories.

However, in the case of Quibblemuch's game, that was pretty dumb."I love the smell of living napalm in the morning! It's the smell of..." pummeling sounds as the scene fades to black.


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He got better. The last time he Fireballed us it was intentional. It wasn't a wipe but we were damn close.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:

I have well, had, two players renowned for their bomb first, ask questions later approaches. They eventually stopped doing that but those moments are seriously some of the ones we talk about the most when telling tabletop war stories.

However, in the case of Quibblemuch's game, that was pretty dumb."I love the smell of living napalm in the morning! It's the smell of..." pummeling sounds as the scene fades to black.

He took a tremendous amount of crap for it. And will likely do so for years to come. At the end of the night, I looked at him, very seriously and said:

"Look--live and learn," I said. Beat. Shift to dejected tone: "I mean, *I* didn't."


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I think I found a way to create a replacement character that will totally mindf$#! the player who killed poor mad Siofra...

1. Kitsune can take a feat called Fox Shape that lets them turn into a Tiny fox at will.

2. Spiritualists are psychic casters and therefore can cast their spells while polymorphed.

3. Spiritualists also get a phantom; a spirit from the Ethereal Plane who has refused to move on...

*cut to*

Late watch. The arcanist stands vigil, imagining who he's going to explode next. There is a rustle in the underbrush. Suddenly, a glowing ectoplasmic vision of his late comrade steps out of the woods, accompanied by a black fox.

"Hiya!" Siofra says. "I got lost on the other side of the mountain, but this fox led me back to camp. Did I miss anything?"


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Fantasy Monster: Scorchblin

When death in fire doesn't actually stop a goblin from running around...


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Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Scorchblin

When death in fire doesn't actually stop a goblin from running around...

"A burning goblin runs around screaming..."

Too soon! Too soon!

*sob*

:)


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*creepy whisper*

Get... out...

Heh, heh, heh.


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Fantasy Monster: Strawman.

How quickly they could expand?


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Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Strawman.

How quickly they could expand?

Given how tall a neighbor's lawn got this summer they could weave an army.


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*cackle*

Well, I debuted the Phantom & the Fox this evening. The other players were suitably surprised when my recently deceased former character walked back into camp, in ectoplasmic form. They were very confused that she isn't undead, however... so many questions... no answers.

*cackle*


Perfect!


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It's going to be fun. I dug around the rules and found some interesting weird tidbits I've been using. For instance, ectoplasm in Pathfinder weighs twice as much as normal matter. So the ranger was surreptitiously checking her tracks (to make sure she left actual physical tracks) and I told him "Yeah, not only does she leaves tracks, but they're oddly deep..."

Heh, heh, heh...


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He's Casper, the chonky ghost!


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Limeylongears wrote:
He's Casper, the chonky ghost!

Welp, that slayed me. LOL


Fantasy Monster: Voracious Turf

An aggressive grass lawn.


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Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Voracious Turf

An aggressive grass lawn.

Here in the American South we call that 'kudzu'.


Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Voracious Turf

An aggressive grass lawn.

That one's a masterpiece!


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We’re gonna need a bigger mower.


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Fantasy NPC: Lord Quaysall And Lady Dorvenor.

A pair of courtly schemers who lost their heads to their intrigue.


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That's what you get for trying to get a-head at court...

HiYO!

I'll show myself out.


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They keep butting their heads over whose fault their failure was.


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So much skullduggery...


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quibblemuch wrote:
So much skullduggery...

Skullduggery, you say?


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"...and a 7 Charisma..."

I want that on my tombstone.


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quibblemuch wrote:

"...and a 7 Charisma..."

I want that on my tombstone.

*raises head from Fallout*

That's a good score. Not enough to get the most crucial (for the party) Inspirational perk, nor Bodyguards, but really not bad otherwise.


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All of the "head" jokes I can come up with are either drug related or are viewable on certain "adult" websites...


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Heh heh uhh huh huh huh…


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Fantasy Monster: Gravelight

A swarm of ephemeral flames haunting the graveyards.


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Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Gravelight

A swarm of ephemeral flames haunting the graveyards.

Oh my goodness. I hope I can run our (belated) Halloween game soon. This would be terrific!


Fantasy Monster: Nail Golem


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Drejk wrote:
Fantasy Monster: Nail Golem

Stop.

Break it down.

Hammer time.


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I am so mad at myself that I didn't think of the hammer time joke first.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
I am so mad at myself that I didn't think of the hammer time joke first.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, the writers first tried a "Nail Golem? I *loved* the Sandman series!" joke and then I fired them all.


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Fantasy Monster: Knightmare

The rider and the steed being a single undead monstrosity.


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Last night in the game we came to an office haunted by an officious ghost, who seemed obsessed with properly filing paperwork.

ME: Ohhh. He’s a booreaucrat!


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For those of us who celebrate Thanksgiving, I wish you all a happy one. For those who don't, erm...have a nice Thursday, I guess? At any rate, I hope everyone enjoys the holidays, the food, the all day football and episodes of MTV's "Ridiculousness" that my brother in law plays in the background all day, and if you do any traveling, please be safe.

Also, I wanted to announce that one of my longtime players announced in our Facebook group today that starting in January he wants to run a once a month sandbox type game. He's always flaked out before, but I'm excited to just get a freaking chance to be a player!! WOOHOO! Maybe that will get me out of panic attacks I have now when thinking about DMing games.

Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble 'til you wobble!


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Happy Stuffing Day. we hope to get around to it next week or so but things are just a bit too busy right now.


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Pathfinder LO Special Edition, Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, PF Special Edition Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

I got an email today that my new Mac Mini is ready for pickup, but they're closed tomorrow, so I guess Friday. My poor bank account! :-)
Celebrating Thanksgiving on Sunday, so that'll be good.


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Pfft. Thanksgiving. Holiday doesn’t even have a spokesmonkey…


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Don't worry, little guy. Your time is coming.


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Monkey Santa wrote:
Pfft. Thanksgiving. Holiday doesn’t even have a spokesmonkey…

Next year we can make a ham with pineapple brandy glaze.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Monkey Santa wrote:
Pfft. Thanksgiving. Holiday doesn’t even have a spokesmonkey…
Next year we can make a ham with pineapple brandy glaze.

Uh oh. Now you’ve got his attention. If you hear scurrying in the walls or ceiling, I’d move. Move and never look back!

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