I need a thousand ways to kill a goblin
Hurry Hurry Hurry!
I am being attacked right now!
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Get a cat.
Huh?
Huh?
Cats will kill goblins....1 cat> 1000 Goblins
Ha Ha Ha
3. An arrow to the big football shaped head.
A bag of holding
Vorpal weapons!
web and spark?
fireball?
Tell them there's a Gold Piece at the bottom of a lake?
a horse with spiked armor?
Silly humans, goblins are indestructible
10. Enter us in the Carl Spackler Commemorative Golf Championship*.
16. An arrow to the heart!
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18. Shove a hook up their nose and pull their brains out their nostrils like the Ancient Egyptians did with mummies.
19. Drop an anvil on their head.
20. Drop an otyugh on their head.
21. Drop a 20th-level Wizard's spellbook on their head.
22. Telekinetically lift them high into the sky, then drop them.
23. Use prestidigitation to make them smell like ripe pesh-fruit, then send them to the slums of Katapesh.
24. Train them to be a missionary, then tell them that they're very interested in hearing the word of Zarongel over in Rahadoum.
25. Lock them in a safe with nothing but written instructions on how to escape.
26. Another goblin
27. Give it a Rod of Wonder and step way, way back.
28. Give them a firework and put them in a room with a chest full of fireworks -
29) Infect it with a curable disease and shove written instructions about the cure in it's face.
30) Throw a book at it.
31) Make a trail of candy from its hut to the hut of an Annis Hag.
32) Give it a credit card with unlimited credit. See how long it lasts before it gets killed or crushed under something it bought.
34) [or 33b] Make pickles out of clay, paint & glaze them, and fire in kiln. Suspend these "pickles" in gelatinous cube.
35) [or 33c] Convince goblins to have a cow-patty flinging contest, then turn a dozen mini-otyughs loose on them.
36) Given them kegs of gunpowder, and let nature take its course.
37) Posion them.
38) Give them a pirate ship.
39) Give them 50 propane tanks, matches, and dump them in the woods. When the smoke starts, run very, very fast.
40) Light their farts on fire.
50) Leave them alone and let them kill themselves?
51) Test out those new spells in your spellbook...
50) Leave them alone and let them kill themselves?
You forget 41-49
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50) Leave them alone and let them kill themselves?You forget 41-49
[No Prize] Actually, 41-49 were too effective, so I hired Lacuna, Inc. to delete them from all the posters' memories. [/No Prize]
52) Trump Your Goblins and they'll die from embarrassment.
41-49 Take 2, replacing lost memories:
41) Intimidate them into fighting each other.
42) Leave out full waterskins with vials of alchemist's fire inside them.
43) The Earth Breaker.
44) Poisoned hot dogs.
45) Find a murderhobo, and tell him the tale of the goblin treasure trove.
46) Strap one to a dartboard, and leave out a supply of darts for its fellows.
47) Tell them that the only thing that can hurt a troll is fire and acid.
48) Alternatively, tell a troll that the goblins are running an alchemical lab. Use small words, and be patient. He'll get there eventually.
49) Summon Monster II: Celestial horse. Let the competition between fear and appetite unfold.
41-49 Take 2, replacing lost memories:
41) Intimidate them into fighting each other.
42) Leave out full waterskins with vials of alchemist's fire inside them.
43) The Earth Breaker.
44) Poisoned hot dogs.
45) Find a murderhobo, and tell him the tale of the goblin treasure trove.
46) Strap one to a dartboard, and leave out a supply of darts for its fellows.
47) Tell them that the only thing that can hurt a troll is fire and acid.
48) Alternatively, tell a troll that the goblins are running an alchemical lab. Use small words, and be patient. He'll get there eventually.
49) Summon Monster II: Celestial horse. Let the competition between fear and appetite unfold.
Thanks!
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50) Leave them alone and let them kill themselves?You forget 41-49
Those were all left blank in honor of all the goblins brutally slain by #40.
NJone of these are even close to as good as my first suggestion.
52) Tell them that round, tall house over there is where the humans keep the salt. Let the wizard take it from there.
The joke, Your Self, is that a "round, tall building" is a wizard's tower. Salt shakers are shaped similarly. At least, that's by best guess. :P
55. Force them to watch A Million Ways To Die In The West. Goblins don't have long lifespans.
56. Roll a Goblin Rogue, play Carrion Crown.
55. Force them to watch A Million Ways To Die In The West. Goblins don't have long lifespans.
If anything, this will probably mean the goblins seek out and harm Seth MacFarlane.
57. Split them into groups of three. Allow two goblins to decide among themselves who gets to torture and kill the third, bound goblin.
58. Have a wild/primal mage of sufficient power pretend to be the goblin god of cooperation and territory.
57. Split them into groups of three. Allow two goblins to decide among themselves who gets to torture and kill the third, bound goblin.
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57b. Split goblins into groups of three. Then follow this proven script:Now, our operation is small, but there's a lot of potential for "aggressive" expansion. So, which one of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team?
Oh, there's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have... {breaks pool cue over knee} tryouts. {throws broken pool cue at the thugs}
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55. Force them to watch A Million Ways To Die In The West. Goblins don't have long lifespans.If anything, this will probably mean the goblins seek out and harm Seth MacFarlane.
So you're saying there's no downside to this plan.
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So you're saying there's no downside to this plan.55. Force them to watch A Million Ways To Die In The West. Goblins don't have long lifespans.If anything, this will probably mean the goblins seek out and harm Seth MacFarlane.
Downside: You probably had to spend money on that movie.
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60. Jump on their head a la video game hero.
61. Give them a concrete milkshake.
62. Paint a grenade white, give to them saying it's a soft-boiled egg.
63. Give them a pistol, tell them it's a Pez dispenser.
64. Show them your famous "disappearing pencil" trick.
65. Inspire them to invent the automobile.