In my current campaign, I'm playing a CN arcane archer who's a pretty devout follower of Calistria. Last session, one of my fellow players brought in a new character to replace one who recently died in our last dungeon crawl - a paladin of Sarenrae. He's more than a bit preachy and a bit pretentious, and my character is wildly selfish and hedonistic - obviously, this has led to some rather hilarious RP!
Anyway, during the course of getting to know the new paladin, he said a few things that my character has taken as a personal affront, and we all know that no good follower of Calistria would allow a slight to go unavenged! I'm wondering if anyone can suggest some creative ways for my character to go about this quest for vengeance.
Just as a few sheet anchors and background - the other player is definitely OK with this, so I have no worries about creating tension at the table. Second, my character is pretty good friends with the oracle of Sarenrae who's also a member of the party, so I'd like to stay away from outright sacrilege and keep any petty actions of revenge focused on the paladin himself. Finally, the campaign is set in Katapesh, and we're currently heading toward Katapesh the City. Any thoughts or clever suggestions?
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
Put itching powder in the jock strap of his armor.
From then until the foreseeable future, call him Sir Scratch-alot.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Hire some "Ladies" to keep him entertained for the evening, extra points for telling them not to take no for an answer.
(Note: This can be interpreted any number of interesting ways)
he said a few things that my character has taken as a personal affront,
Like what? It'd be better to know to make it more personal.
Part of me says to buy potions of polypurpose panacea and to mix his non-essentials with them (waterskin, wineskin, drinks at an inn, buffing potions), but you can't make a potion of it. Ask your DM.
Elves take years to enact revenge. It could be years and years until your true revenge comes-- his headstone misspells his first name, or something equally petty. Mostly, it should encourage him to "strike back" as it were with something equally minor and petty. Then it escalates until you send bands of assassins after his wife in a city he's never been to and she's wearing an amulet of nondetection.
Wait what I said no such thing
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Putting a layer of Sovereign Glue between the cross brace of his sword and scabbard or in his helmet.
Placing a stone of alarm in his room at the tavern.
Replacing his armor with an exact replica only one or two sizes two small. This is really only a flavor thing but still reall funny.
Obtaining a hand of the mage and knocking drinks on him as a barmaid goes by in the tavern.
Filling his boots with cold porridge, just enough to make it annoying, but not enough it will be seen when he puts them on in the morning.
And then there's the long con if you want to go for it, setting him up to ultimately fall and to have him loose his paladin powers. I strongly recommend against this one. But should make for a nice long revenge con.
Hire some "Ladies" to keep him entertained for the evening, extra points for telling them not to take no for an answer.
He's a notorious drinker and womanizer. With this charisma, wealth, and renown, he's quite a chick magnet. It sure doesn't hurt that he's immune to disease, and able to cure himself (and others) of the negative effects of alcohol with a touch. Also, if you're a little nervous about trying something new in the bedroom, Aura of Courage will help you overcome your inhibitions:)
I love the revenge ideas in this thread. Most are focused on the annoying and symbolic aspects, which is great. The only thing I have to add is that it would be great to "schedule" one minor incident every day. Start out by doing things in the morning, like messing with clothes or supplies he will use when he wakes up. Then, when he starts being very careful in the morning, spread out throughout the day. Eventually, he'll be checking every beverage, meal, and piece of equipment, suspecting every NPC of being a set-up, and examining every room in the inn for booby traps.
Then, you stop. Grin knowingly. Watch him go all day, or for a few days in a row, waiting for your next trick . . .
Whoopie cushions are fun.
Honey inside his gauntlets, boots, helmet...
Hiring a prostitute for the Paladin, or a prostitute of the wrong gender and orientation can be fun.
Oh, here's a good one if you're female (or he's gay) and wanna go long-term.
Pretend you've shrugged off the insults. Get friendly with him. Start flirting and going on.
Eventually, seduce him. Get him in bed (or tent, bedroll, grassy knoll, whatever) with you and start getting him hot and bothered. Wait until he's mostly or completely naked.
Get him to close his eyes. Pretend you're shy and don't want him to see you undressed yet or something, and to close his eyes while you muster your courage or something.
When he shuts his eyes tie him up (with really good rope), strip him down if he's not already, and then bring the rest of the party (and camp followers if you have any) to laugh at his shame.
He'll assuredly not forget it.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Locate a cleric of Lamashtu. Convince her to seduce and bed the paladin. Cackle manically.
|
Why does everyone think Paladins are Catholic?
They're not necessarily. My group had a married Paladin of Sarenrae with three kids. Her husband was a cleric of Sarenrae.
But many paladins are played as being opposed to casual sex, drinking, or drugs, especially if they are "more than a bit preachy and a bit pretentious" and in "rather hilarious" conflict with a Callistran. And it would be entirely in-character for a Callistran to vex a paladin who was uptight about physical purity by throwing casual sex, drink, drugs, etc at that paladin. And if the paladin in question is a puritanical this will probably be very funny without being very harmful and thus gets my vote.
Man the rumor mill. Spread around every embarrassing secret you know about the guy and add on a couple false ones. Saves you gold and works as equal fun.
Why does everyone think Paladins are Catholic?:
Why do you think that Catholics are all stuffy and inhibited? Sure sex outside of marriage is a sin, but that is what confession is for.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
- Forgive him. Seriously. If he's really sanctimonious, nothing will annoy him more.
- Buy him a nice new armour. A form-fitting, very flattering one.
- Admire his arse publicly. In fact, sing praises of his buns. Denounce him for not sharing that gift of his Goddess with more people.
- Take a Sarenraear (sp?) Cleric as a cohort and/or lover.
Some really great ideas! Definitely some variation from what I'd been thinking (which basically using my high diplomacy to instigate a whisper campaign full of embarrassing rumors and slanders).
Like what? It'd be better to know to make it more personal.he said a few things that my character has taken as a personal affront,
A lot of it has been in comments to my oracle friend as we've been traveling, but as I'm usually right beside the oracle, I hear them, too. He's said things like, "How have you managed to keep on the right path after so long with people like her?" and, "Those who worship the Dawnflower have to do their best to set an example for the unenlightened ones," and other variations on "Worshiping Sarenrae makes us better than those others!" It's been enough that the oracle (who's been engaging in a lengthy campaign to convince my character that people who worship good deities don't have to be prudes, hypocrites, and self-righteous jerks) is also getting very annoyed.
I also really liked the waiting centuries idea, but my character is only a half-elf and a fair bit older than the rest of the party. Not sure she'll live long enough for that sort of super-long term planning.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Poop in his gauntlet.
Some really great ideas! Definitely some variation from what I'd been thinking (which basically using my high diplomacy to instigate a whisper campaign full of embarrassing rumors and slanders).
I think this is a great idea. It has the "punishment fits the crime" quality of a good revenge - he acts all superior, so you start a rumor that he did something so humiliating it will spoil his sanctimony. Perhaps it's been heard around town that he got so drunk he couldn't get his full plate off in time when he was trying to use the outhouse? He might even pick up a new nickname - "Stinkybritches."
If you want to do this by-the-book, talk to your GM and see if you can find a 10th-level Rogue or a 3rd-level Charlatan in a nearby city who has the Rumormonger rogue talent. This shouldn't be too hard to find, because everyone knows who the local rumormonger is! And most rogues would tend to be amenable to taking a coinpurse in exchange for some unscrupulous activity.
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
Bestow Curse him so every time he says the name Sarenrae, he instead makes a raspberry.
- Forgive him. Seriously. If he's really sanctimonious, nothing will annoy him more.
- Buy him a nice new armour. A form-fitting, very flattering one.
- Admire his arse publicly. In fact, sing praises of his buns. Denounce him for not sharing that gift of his Goddess with more people.
- Take a Sarenraear (sp?) Cleric as a cohort and/or lover.
I like this!
Hire some "Ladies" to keep him entertained for the evening, extra points for telling them not to take no for an answer.That was kind of offensive.
Poop in his gauntlet.
Short but sweet; I like it.
Why does everyone think Paladins are Catholic?:Why do you think that Catholics are all stuffy and inhibited? Sure sex outside of marriage is a sin, but that is what confession is for.
I'm under no illusion that Catholics obey all the rules of Catholicism, or that anyone obeys all the rules of their religion, whatever religion that may be. I chose Catholicism as an example of real-world monotheistic values with a lawful bent, which is the type of morality people always assume Paladin's ascribe to. I do know that Catholicism puts sex & drink in the "naughty" column, which might not be the case for Abadar, Erastil, Iomedae, Irori, Sarenrae, Shelyn, or Torag. (The Golarion dieties with L/G in their range of worshipers.)
In pursuit of their lofty goals, they adhere to ironclad laws of morality and discipline....Code of Conduct: A paladin must be of lawful good alignment and loses all class features except proficiencies if she ever willingly commits an evil act.
Additionally, a paladin's code requires that she respect legitimate authority, act with honor (not lying, not cheating, not using poison, and so forth), help those in need (provided they do not use the help for evil or chaotic ends), and punish those who harm or threaten innocents.[quote/]
IF the Law of the land is one wife (no polygamy) and no adultery (sex with someone other than your spouse) then yes, NO paladin may have lovers other than a lawfully wed spouse.
While the above quote doesn't directly call out chastity, ironclad laws of morality and discipline covers that rather well as does acting with honor. Whoring/wenching is not honorable.
While one might be a paladin of the god of home, hearth and community, and his god definitely would forbid such practices, which are anti family/community. Other paladins of other gods would follow suit due to the code and alignment.
Paladins would not use wealth, and fame to deflower ladies to sate their own personal lust.
If this is something they would do, they wouldn't be paladins, they would be something else.They are Paladins because of who they are and what they believe, not because they would use their divine powers to get around the woes of sexual depravity.
That's why people play paladins that way.
They don't have to be 'catholic' to behave that way. Jews believe the same thing.Then there is muslims...
For Muslim men to have more than one wife is a permission which is given to them in the Qur'an, not to satisfy lust, but for the welfare of the widows and the orphans of the wars. In the pre-Islamic period, men used to have many wives. One person had 11 wives and when he became Muslim, he asked Prophet Muhammad, "What should I do with so many wives?" and he replied, "Divorce all except the four." The Qur'an says, "you can marry 2 or 3 and up to 4 women if you can be equally just with each of them" (4:3). Since it is very difficult to be equally just with all wives, in practice, most of the Muslim men do not have more than one wife.
So even for the muslims, the polygamy is for the welfare of widows and orphans of war. Not lust and/or desire.... since it is difficult to treat all wives justly...most have one.... yea I'm going to say Paladins don't womanize.
I'm under no illusion that Catholics obey all the rules of Catholicism, or that anyone obeys all the rules of their religion, whatever religion that may be. I chose Catholicism as an example of real-world monotheistic values with a lawful bent, which is the type of morality people always assume Paladin's ascribe to. I do know that Catholicism puts sex & drink in the "naughty" column, which might not be the case for Abadar, Erastil, Iomedae, Irori, Sarenrae, Shelyn, or Torag. (The Golarion dieties with L/G in their range of worshipers.)Why does everyone think Paladins are Catholic?:Why do you think that Catholics are all stuffy and inhibited? Sure sex outside of marriage is a sin, but that is what confession is for.
You must not understand Catholic teaching on these matters.
Can you take the theological discussion elsewhere? We're getting way off topic from "hilarious revenge".
the theological discussion IS relevant because the hire a hooker and then tell his wife angle IS hillarious revenge.
TRue story, when I was in the army we did this to a sergeant we didnt like. We paid this UGLY lady (20 bucks each, there were 4 of us) to go hang all over the drunk sergeant in front of a TON of witnesses (it was a military bar)....well worth all the money spent.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Get him a shield, better than the one he has, emblazoned with Calistria's symbol.
Or just Prestidigitation the shield he already has to show Calistria's symbol.
I think the srd has prices for various animal musks for hunting purposes. If you want to have the paladin trying to get his armor on in the morning only to discover that the woodland creatures think his full plate smells like either food or a mate...
Since you are an arcane archer, you have access to spells including some fun cantrips.
Prestidigitation is an incredible 0-level spell that is often used as the practical joke spell on someone.
Read up on that spell and go creative.
I played the spell and humiliated some PCs with it.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Can you describe more about what you and the Paladin are wearing and what your CHA scores are, so the forum can help you as much as possible?
A scroll of Reckless Infatuation with the right target might be suitably hilarious. Getting him to fail his save is gonna be hard with a scroll, though, so you might have to soften him up with something like Ill Omen first.
I also like magikot's idea of using Prestidigitation to write messages on the back of his armor. You can switch them up every day (or hour, or minute) as it suits your pleasure. I'd be tempted to do something like "My other sheath is Sarenrae's fire crotch", although that might cross your boundary against sacrilege.
Can you take the theological discussion elsewhere? We're getting way off topic from "hilarious revenge".
If a person is going to be insulting because they do not understand concepts then there should be an apology or something.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Coup de grace is pretty funny.
Definitely some great ideas! I doubt I'll need to use all of them, but I know I've had much fun reading through all the ideas! I do indeed have prestidigitation and had forgotten about the possibilities with that.
Can you describe more about what you and the Paladin are wearing and what your CHA scores are, so the forum can help you as much as possible
He's got full-plate and a Cha of 15; no idea what he wears in non-combat situations. My archer likes to show off; she favors tight and/or revealing dresses with her Cha of 18. Hope that helps you and the forum "help" the "discussion." :P
Would you say the paladin is more like a golden-haired Jaimie Lannister type or more of an angry ab-rippled version of Leonidas from 300?
"I realize you probably haven't had the sort of life and experiences that would allow you to understand me, even, let alone Calistria. I want you to know that I don't fault you for that."