My Paladin just scolded a bad guy. What alignment am I?


Off-Topic Discussions


This is a joke thread.

On the one hand, he was a guard, and I'm probably supposed to listen to him or something like that. On the other hand, he was using incendiary produce to do very naughty things, and while it certainly looked fun, I thought that I probably should stop him. Do I lose all my powers now?


*cough*


Chaotic neutral? Cool! That means that I now have a justification to do whatever crazy stuff I can think up!

Granted, I do lose my powers, but BLANKET PSYCHO LICENSE.


Stop pitching soft balls. You may be Chaotic Neutral, for whatever reason, but now that you've been scolded, check my profile for the Real Answer RE Scolding Paladins.


Your alignment is to the left.


JMD031 wrote:
Your alignment is to the left.

But lawful is the leftmost alignment...


Professor Paladin wrote:
Stop pitching soft balls. You may be Chaotic Neutral, for whatever reason, but now that you've been scolded, check my profile for the Real Answer RE Scolding Paladins.

...What's a rulebook?


...So, what do I do with all these combustible lemons I confiscated?


Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
Professor Paladin wrote:
Stop pitching soft balls. You may be Chaotic Neutral, for whatever reason, but now that you've been scolded, check my profile for the Real Answer RE Scolding Paladins.
...What's a rulebook?

ANSWER. Because, according the Paladin Code, it never hurts to help.

Spoiler:
However, helping sometimes hurts.


Professor Paladin wrote:
Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
Professor Paladin wrote:
Stop pitching soft balls. You may be Chaotic Neutral, for whatever reason, but now that you've been scolded, check my profile for the Real Answer RE Scolding Paladins.
...What's a rulebook?
ANSWER.

Cool! What does it do? Can you eat it?


Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
Professor Paladin wrote:
Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
Professor Paladin wrote:
Stop pitching soft balls. You may be Chaotic Neutral, for whatever reason, but now that you've been scolded, check my profile for the Real Answer RE Scolding Paladins.
...What's a rulebook?
ANSWER.
Cool! What does it do? Can you eat it?

Step 1: Seal your Core Rulebook carefully so that it cannot be exposed to moisture. Double sealing in giant Zip-Lock Freezer bags might work.

Step 2: Use protected CR to press those lemons.

Step 3: Mix the lemon juice with a little sugar cane syrup and something relaxing, like white rum or tequila. Be generous with the latter. Imbibe and relax.

The above is more productive than trying to make an anti-paladin's ear into a paladin's purse.


Your Paladin obsession? Unnatural.

For penance, you must perform a Tebowing 34 times.

Sincerely,

-ett, Lord of Denver
Rev 3:16


Professor Paladin wrote:
Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
Professor Paladin wrote:
Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
Professor Paladin wrote:
Stop pitching soft balls. You may be Chaotic Neutral, for whatever reason, but now that you've been scolded, check my profile for the Real Answer RE Scolding Paladins.
...What's a rulebook?
ANSWER.
Cool! What does it do? Can you eat it?

Step 1: Seal your Core Rulebook carefully so that it cannot be exposed to moisture. Double sealing in giant Zip-Lock Freezer bags might work.

Step 2: Use protected CR to press those lemons.

Step 3: Mix the lemon juice with a little sugar cane syrup and something relaxing, like white rum or tequila. Be generous with the latter. Imbibe and relax.

The above is more productive than trying to make an anti-paladin's ear into a paladin's purse.

That sounds fun. Do you have any vodka I can buy?


Evil Tim Tebow wrote:

Your Paladin obsession? Unnatural.

For penance, you must perform a Tebowing 34 times.

Sincerely,

-ett, Lord of Denver
Rev 3:16

ALL HAIL ASMODEOUS!

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ALL HAIL ASMODEOUS!


Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
Professor Paladin wrote:
Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
Professor Paladin wrote:
Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
Professor Paladin wrote:
Stop pitching soft balls. You may be Chaotic Neutral, for whatever reason, but now that you've been scolded, check my profile for the Real Answer RE Scolding Paladins.
...What's a rulebook?
ANSWER.
Cool! What does it do? Can you eat it?

Step 1: Seal your Core Rulebook carefully so that it cannot be exposed to moisture. Double sealing in giant Zip-Lock Freezer bags might work.

Step 2: Use protected CR to press those lemons.

Step 3: Mix the lemon juice with a little sugar cane syrup and something relaxing, like white rum or tequila. Be generous with the latter. Imbibe and relax.

The above is more productive than trying to make an anti-paladin's ear into a paladin's purse.

That sounds fun. Do you have any vodka I can buy?

I'm a Paladin, not a Publican. Also, I'm not a vodka drinker, but it seems like all my friends these days are drinking Tito's.


Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
*Redacted for Blasphemy*

And now, THE SMITENING begins.

Liberty's Edge

Why do paladins cause so much chaos?


Smitening? But the man in the dark spiky armor said Asmodeous was the good guy and I need to worship him or bad things will happen! I WON'T LET YOU LET BAD THINGS HAPPEN!


When you smite the Chaotic, their gunk just sprays everywhere. Pure order is not restored until the smiting is done and the cleanup crew can come in.


Gark the Goblin wrote:
Why do paladins cause so much chaos?

Chaos? Where? I WILL MAKE YOU ALL PAY!


Professor Paladin wrote:
When you smite the Chaotic, their gunk just sprays everywhere. Pure order is not restored until the smiting is done and the cleanup crew can come in.

Ew. Can I at least make them pay for dry cleaning?


Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
JMD031 wrote:
Your alignment is to the left.
But lawful is the leftmost alignment...

Take your paladin to Meineke or some other place of that nature and get straightened out.

The Exchange

Kelsey MacAilbert wrote:
...So, what do I do with all these combustible lemons I confiscated?

Oh, I know this one. When life gives you combustible lemons, make fiendish lemonade.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

I don't get it.

Being a paladin is real easy.

Whenever you are confronted with a moral or ethical problem, you just do what comes natural and if it breaks someone's frickin' law, well, you look that person in the eye and you say "Yeah, well, it's not God's law" and then you smite them.

If you are wrong, you can always atone later.

Liberty's Edge

I farted in the swimming pool. What alignment am I?

Shadow Lodge

Studpuffin wrote:
I farted in the swimming pool. What alignment am I?

Well, minus the gas, you'd now be Neutrally Buoyant?

Liberty's Edge

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber

I think it depends on the type of scolding. Here's a helpful guide:

Finger-wagging and a, "You should know better." = Mom-ful Good

A slap on the wrist and a, "Don't you do it again." = Mom-ful Neutral

Taking off your shoe or pulling out a hairbrush and paddling the guard's tuckus red and then declaring, "You were a mistake." = Mom-ful Evil


Mah paladhin juzt mayd owt wid his mownt!

Whut aline ment iz hee?


Chaotic Perverted

Liberty's Edge

Giorgio A. Tsoukalos wrote:
Studpuffin wrote:
I farted in the swimming pool. What alignment am I?
Well, minus the gas, you'd now be Neutrally Buoyant?

Nice hair. :P

Dark Archive

You're worried about scolding him brother!? Let the Hulkster fill you in on a little something, brother! When the Hulkster scolds a gaurd, he gives him the ol' Big Boot then drops a Paladin-like leg drop from 30 stories high brother! So you don't need to ask what is my alignment, brother. You should ask yourself, WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN HULKIMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU.....brother.


But I'm a sister...

Liberty's Edge

Sort of...

Liberty's Edge

I guess...

Liberty's Edge

Kind of...

Liberty's Edge

I'm a puffin! :D

Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012

I'm a bladder!


::Squints at badger, shakes head::


I was a paladin once. It didn't turn out so well. I still have nightmares about getting flanked by hillbilly barbed devils while demonic banjo music plays in the background. *shudder*

Moral of the story, don't play a paladin that goes into rooms shouting "Leroy Jenkins."


All of the paladins i run into seem to be the 'smite first, get someone who hasn't been minmaxed to int 7 to ask questions later' variety.


Scolded him? You...

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

...should have dispensed some justice.

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