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Yeah, I would have died laughing as well. It would have been a good death.
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I'm pretty sure I would have laughed myself to death. That poor kid.
What made it even funnier was during his moment of silence and our floor-rolling laughter his mom had him take the phone into the kitchen and then explained to him what the statement usually refers to. He came back in the living room and sat very quietly, red faced in embarrassment for a few minutes, but to his credit he got back into the game and recovered his composure.
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I'm pretty sure I would have laughed myself to death. That poor kid.What made it even funnier was during his moment of silence and our floor-rolling laughter his mom had him take the phone into the kitchen and then explained to him what the statement usually refers to. He came back in the living room and sat very quietly, red faced in embarrassment for a few minutes, but to his credit he got back into the game and recovered his composure.
LMAO Oh my god, was that his first sex talk? Dear lord.
LOL..it may have been...
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I'm pretty sure I would have laughed myself to death. That poor kid.What made it even funnier was during his moment of silence and our floor-rolling laughter his mom had him take the phone into the kitchen and then explained to him what the statement usually refers to. He came back in the living room and sat very quietly, red faced in embarrassment for a few minutes, but to his credit he got back into the game and recovered his composure.
Yeah, I figured something like that happened; though Mom could have at least waited until after the game. Wow.
still hilarious, my god, this poor kid.
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I may have already posted this, but I can't recall if I have.
My son was 10 at the time and playing along with the grownups. The game had come to the BBEG fight, and it was nearing a pretty exciting end. At that moment his mom calls and I tell him to keep it short because we're at the climax of the game. He answers and says loudly, "Can't talk, Mom. We're climaxing!". He had no idea what the term is usually used for. There was a moment of silence on his part as we collapsed in hysterics.
That is going to make an AMAZING story when he's older, and has a significant other to tell it too.
That is going to make an AMAZING story when he's older, and has a significant other to tell it too.I may have already posted this, but I can't recall if I have.
My son was 10 at the time...
you're evil teatime.
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Iron Gods: We just defeated Kullgra (well, two of us did; the other two were busy with Hellgarth) and our party's magic-hating barbarian wanted her chainsaw.
"Okay, standard action: I move over Kullgra's corpse. Move action: I pick up her chainsaw! Swift action! (mimicking pulling the start cord on a chainsaw) RrrrRENG-ENG-ENG-ENG! BzzzZZzzzzzzZZzzzzZZ!"
And from our long-since completed Rise of the Runelords campaign, where our paladin who was growing more and more insane by the day finally came across a whole bunch of evil guys to fight.
"Okay: Swift action, (points at one guy) Smite Evil! Move action, (points at another guy) Smite Evil! Standard action, (points at the third guy) Smite F%+!ing Evil!"
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"Okay: Swift action, (points at one guy) Smite Evil! Move action, (points at another guy) Smite Evil! Standard action, (points at the third guy) Smite F!@@ing Evil!"
YOU get a smite evil! YOU get an smite evil! And YOU get a smite evil!
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"Okay: Swift action, (points at one guy) Smite Evil! Move action, (points at another guy) Smite Evil! Standard action, (points at the third guy) Smite F!@@ing Evil!"YOU get a smite evil! YOU get an smite evil! And YOU get a smite evil!
Oprahdin.
Technically speaking, you can't 'downgrade' a swift action like that... but if I were the GM, I would have totally let him do that too.
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It never says that he smites evil, only points at people and says Smite evil.
Which to me, makes the image of a guy yelling SMITE EVIL and pointing all the more amusing as he isn't doing anything but yelling and pointing like a mad man.
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Considering the paladin was going crazy (half of his time was spent dealing horrible verbal/physical/psychological abuse to my gnome ranger/fighter) I wouldn't be surprised if he'd silently fallen and was just shouting "SMITE EVIL!!!" at people up to six times per day.
Scotty: He did indeed get three Smites off-- the bolded Smite $&%#ing Evil was reserved for Xanderghaul, the other two went to two other named potential villains. (Our DM heavily modified Rise of the Runelords so we wound up fighting all seven of the Runelords. The other two opponents in the fight against Xanderghaul were two other factions interested in having our party's power as Runelords. Except mine-- I failed my Runelord of Wrath test and wound up calling every single wizard we met since the tests "that jacka~&#!~@ wizard who did it." Including the one in our party.)
you're evil teatime.That is going to make an AMAZING story when he's older, and has a significant other to tell it too.I may have already posted this, but I can't recall if I have.
My son was 10 at the time...
>:D
>:Dyou're evil teatime.That is going to make an AMAZING story when he's older, and has a significant other to tell it too.I may have already posted this, but I can't recall if I have.
My son was 10 at the time...
But you will NEVER reach my level of evil. I leave the lid of the toothpaste, ON PURPOSE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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But you will NEVER reach my level of evil. I leave the lid of the toothpaste, ON PURPOSE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!you're evil teatime.>:D
I made a little kid brush his teeth, then made him drink Orange Juice after. >:D
Bah, your evil is weak, I bought the last apple pie @ mcdonalds in front of a kid and didn't eat it, but gave it to another
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Back on topic please,
Not who is more evil than who.
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*mutters silently* Me.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Old one from part two of First Steps.
GM "You find the note hidden in the katana it says... Oh wait none of you speak Tien."
Me: "Stewardess, Stewardess! I speak Tien."
To be precise, half the table got it, half didn't. Stupid kids...
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Old one from part two of First Steps.
GM "You find the note hidden in the katana it says... Oh wait none of you speak Tien."
Me: "Stewardess, Stewardess! I speak Tien."
To be precise, half the table got it, half didn't. Stupid kids...
One of our GMs always asks "Okay, who speaks jive?" when it comes to languages. Everyone was shocked when I got that Airplane! reference since I never get references.
One of our GMs always asks "Okay, who speaks jive?" when it comes to languages. Everyone was shocked when I got that Airplane! reference since I never get references.
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Not sure if this one fits, but...
Players: *Talking on and on about daemons*
Me: *Waits until they are done* ...ladies and gentlemen. MATT DAMON!!
...I had waited for at least four sessions to say that, all the while hoping nobody would make a Matt Damon joke. It was worth the wait.
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"There is no actual acid in the 'Lake of Acid,' but there IS a very angry carp."
One of our GMs always asks "Okay, who speaks jive?" when it comes to languages. Everyone was shocked when I got that Airplane! reference since I never get references.Everybody eventually gets their day in the sun, I suppose.
To be fair, they do have reason. One of my best lines comes from missing an obvious werewolf.
GM: Didn't the name Lupin give it away?
Me: Doesn't that have to do with bunnies?
Lupine pertains to wolves, but lapine refers to hares and rabbits.
GM: Didn't the name Lupin give it away?
Me: Doesn't that have to do with bunnies?
Sam Axe: "You know what they serve in there? Foie Gras. Lap-in."
Michael Westen: "You mean la-pan?" (correcting Sam's pronunciation)Sam Axe: "Whatever. It's still French for bunny rabbit."
- Burn Notice
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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From The Green Market
NPC guard "You can't bring that lion in here!"
Me: (playing my sczarni aasimar bard) "It needs to come in, it's her service lion, he comforts her when she has panic attacks." (Rolls 41 bluff)
Same scenario:
Me: "So they're extorting you for money? I know a few relatives in the family who I could likely get to protect you, for a lesser fee."
PC: "Did you just offer to have her pay your family protection rather than them?"
Me: "It's just business."
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A couple of weeks ago our adventuring party found an NPC commoner being held prisoner in a dungeon. The GM gave the NPC to one of the players to run, because we'll be in the dungeon for days and it's located in a wilderness far from the commoner's home, so we couldn't very well send him off on his own.
The commoner has an unusual surname. The player who was given him to run was intrigued by this name, and decided to give the NPC a backstory in which his grandfather was a former adventurer who told tall tales. But when the player tried to introduce this backstory to the rest of the group, he received this response:
Player 1: "You have a grandfather. That implies you have a backstory. That's all you need."
Player 2: "You must be *this* level to have a backstory." (holds his hand out as if indicating height)
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This week:
While discussing what 'stone salve' does: "If your stoneskin lasts more than four hours, contact your cleric."
We found a room containing a statue of a cyclops with one hand over its eye. Player 1 went to investigate the room.
Player 1: "I gesture for you all to come into the room. It's safe."
Player 2: "You'll have to gesture pretty hard. We're not looking at you."
Player 3: "We're all like this" - puts his hand over his eyes.
Our inquisitor used his 'door sight' ability to look through the door of another room.
Inquisitor: "Inside the room there's something in chains."
Three players, in unison: "Alice!"
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In Serpent Skull, my 11th level Saurian Shaman with T-Rex companion waded into the thick of battle with all buffs. Combat is against 14 enemies, and my T-Rex struck the killing blow on about a third of them.
After the fight, we found the enemy's supply tent.
Party Ranger: Well now we don't have to worry about hunting. Is the dinosaur hungry?
Me: No thanks, we just had Five Guys.
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At the end of one scenario there was this fuming npc who hired us to look around but required us not to leave any bodies in our wake.
So if we whacked someone we fed it to the summoner's pet Demon.
The npc guy starts fuming and I paused him...
"Look, we didn't leave any bodies, we took them with us." Pointing to the very well fed bloated Demon.
"That carp is a man-eater!"
"That carp is a man-eater!"
I too have been scarred by Dwarf Fortress.
"That carp is a man-eater!"I too have been scarred by Dwarf Fortress.
Actually this had nothing to do with DF, and more to do with an injection of The Venture Brothers into our monday PF game...
After the magical talking (very irate) carp, things just got weird.
Hmm, I thought it came from River Monsters. Apparently some fish that normally eat nuts, will turn carnivorous, and even attack humans when their normal food is in short supply. Florida filled their rivers with these fish in an attempt to repopulate.
You're confusing episodes. People released snake heads into Florida waters, they are carnivorous.
I want to say it was in new zealand that the nut eats turned to flesh, and they were released to restock the waters.
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Me: I don't like Elves...
Player 1: I'm an elf, why don't you like Elves?
Me: I think the Lord of the Rings ruined it for me. Look at me I don't need to sleep, my bread is better than any other bread, I'm stupidly good with a bow AND melee and can pretty much live forever...
Me: Elves OP.
Me: I don't like Elves...
Player 1: I'm an elf, why don't you like Elves?
Me: I think the Lord of the Rings ruined it for me. Look at me I don't need to sleep, my bread is better than any other bread, I'm stupidly good with a bow AND melee and can pretty much live forever...
Me: Elves OP.
Be happy you don't play in a world with Eragon elves. Not only are they Lord of the Rings Elves, but they are also, inherently stronger, tougher, faster and all around better version than nearly any other race in existence.
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Kingmaker Book 3: Background - we killed a spriggan and then cast Speak With Dead on him.
Player: Who is your leader?
Dead Spriggan: A guy
Cue facepalms and laughter.
As it turns out? The leader's name was actually Agai. We just THOUGHT our GM was f#*$ing with us.
Kingmaker Book 3: Background - we killed a spriggan and then cast Speak With Dead on him.
Player: Who is your leader?
Dead Spriggan: A guyCue facepalms and laughter.
As it turns out? The leader's name was actually Agai. We just THOUGHT our GM was f$+~ing with us.
Something very similar happened years ago in a game run by a friend of mine. The party had to do some sort of negotiating with some priests, I believe, and my character, the paladin and de facto leader, asked to see the high priest. The priest we were speaking with at the moment then said, "we shall take you to Akar, our leader," to which another player responded, "wait, your high priest is a car?"
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Lesson: never name your NPCs things that are homophonic or easily rhymable with everyday words and phrases.
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Lesson: never name your NPCs things that are homophonic or easily rhymable with everyday words and phrases.
Or something that can be twisted into something that sounds dirty.
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DM: ...As you step around the corner, five more Duergar loom out of the darkness towards you, one larger than the others...
Me: Is that one the duergar meister?
You see, it sounds a bit like Jagermeister.
'Dərgɑr' for me (duhr-gar).
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Best one-liner that made everyone at the table laugh?
Andostre had at least 1-2 every session, as I recall...