Corrupt the Wish

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Granted! Well occasionally a horrified goat would escape.

I wish GoatToucher to have a rod that baleful polymorphs person to goat 3 times a day.

Yes but they are advanced giant goats with the devilbound template, and lust for blood.

I wish for the power to kill wizards with a snap of my fingers.

Granted, but when you kill them, they come back as mythic liches.

I wish that I had a better wish.

Wish granted! Thanks for giving me your wish! :)

I wish that wishes didn't screw people over all the time.

Wish granted, they now only screw people over most of the time.

I wish for more genies.

Granted. All the Genies are Efreeti and are welcome to show you their falchions.

I wish to be a Vampire immune to sunlight.

Wish granted, but you only get the immunity if you participate in a holy ritual that involves fully immersing yourself in running water for 5 rounds.

I wish to become a mythic vampire/mythic lich, who cannot be killed by anything.

Wish granted! You cannot be killed by anything, as you are already dead. However, a band of adventurers do destroy you and your phylactery not long into your unholy existence.

I wish that genies weren't so concerned with semantics.

Wish granted! They've decided not to grant wishes anymore.

I wish that I could wire my consciousnesses to the internet.

Confirmed. However your mind is hacked by doing so, and you spend the rest of your time as a vegetable.

I wish Paizo would put more easter eggs in their materials, the kind that are references, to be exact.

Granted your next order will be shipped with easter eggs as the packing material...

I wish everyone liked playing and DMing for kender.

Silver Crusade

Granted! Unfortunately, after hundreds of thousands of ruined friendships, all role playing is banned for the good of humanity.

I wish the "Homebrew Challenge" setting on the forums eventually becomes something publishable.

Wish granted! It ends up published by the same guys who made FATAL.

I wish that I had some awesome theme music.

Wish granted! You're theme music plays constantly, at all times, and nothing can stop it. It starts out quiet, but it just gets louder and louder and louder over time. You go insane from the constant noise that only you can hear, and finally, you go deaf. But that doesn't stop it. You can still hear the music, forever.

I wish that I was a magical unicorn.

Wish granted. However due to translation error, you are a single cob of corn that can cast prestidigitation 1/day.

I wish for UNLIMITED POWER!!! with no negative consequences.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congratulations, you have unlimited power over the color of ketchup.

I wish for Limited Power, with all of the negative consequences.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Wish Granted! But I'm afraid not much has changed...

I wish I could see the far-reaching consequences of my actions.

Granted. Thoes strangers who keep pointing and laughing at you are time travelers from the future.

I wish to be able to buy the final season of Gravity Falls on DVD.

Wish granted! You are able to buy the final season of Gravity Falls on DVD. It is also the only thing that people will ever sell you now, even in places like the Grocery Store or concession stands.

I wish that evil outsiders would just stay on their planes of existence and never come to or interact with the material plane, both directly and indirectly.

Wish granted! All mortal life is now in Hell, Abaddon, and the Abyss. Now the outsides don't have to interact with the material plane at all.

I wish I could make the perfect wish.

Granted. Sadly, you only got the one, so...

I wish I was a beautiful princess!

Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Deluxe Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Legends Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Granted. Unfortunately, all of your subjects are ogrekin and they all want to get to know you better.

I wish that my car was KITT from Knight Rider.

Wish granted. You are later killed by KITT's windshield wipers which, as everyone knows, are the most evil windshield wipers of all time! (It was a plot point that didn't come up on the show much).

I wish for a freshly killed thread to animate.

Wish granted! You manage to find a piece of living string, and kill it. You animate it, but something goes wrong, and the undead thread rips you limb from limb.

I wish that everything in this post rhymed.

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Wish granted!

AwesomelyEpic wrote:

You manage to find a piece of living string,

And slay the unmoving wretched thing.

But the spell then goes horribly awry,
And you are torn from toe to eye!

And now what's left can fit in a petri dish,
However, I still did grant your wish.

As for my next wish, now keep this in mind:
I wish that everything in this post rhymed.

I wish to listen to epic poetry for the next hour.

Wish Granted.

I wish to be forgiven for posting in a matter that doesn't obey the OPs format if it's very worthwhile.
(There is a topic about artifacts that is being strangled by the OPs restrictions)

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

Wish granted. You are forgiven after confessing to the Spanish Inquisition, just before your execution.

I wish for the Paizo Inquisition.

Not sure what to do with that: I suppose I didn't expect the Paizo Inquisition, so give me a sec...

Wish Granted. BTW, the actions of the Paizo Inquisition in an alternate timeline caused a massive flame war to the shunted to ours after it was "deleted." Long story short: all threads are locked, the riots have begun, and alas the ancient ways of the table top rpg are no more, lost to the ravages of time and marauding forum trolls.

I wish that peace and harmony would fall upon the land.

No one expects the Paizo Inquisition.

Wish Granted. The giant asteroids, Peace and Harmony, fall on the earth and create a new ice age that lasts for 2000 years.

I wish I were more evil than I already am.

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Wish granted! You have a monocle permanently affixed to one of your eyes that you can't ever remove, and grow a mustache that you must compulsively twirl at all hours.

I wish that it was possible to divide by 0.

Wish granted! The answer is Nyarlotep is summoned and tries to kill you.

I wish Comcast would unblock at least some of the channels.

Granted! You now receive GBC: GoatToucher's Boudoir Channel. It plays 24/7 at full volume, the set does not turn off, and you aren't allowed to leave.

Or look away.

Or close your eyes.

I wish someone would join me in my boudoir. I don't feel like going out to retrieve a new friend.

Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Deluxe Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Legends Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Granted. However, as this is an election year, all you get are lobbyists and politicians all trying to curry your favor. Just the mere thought of them joining you and ruining your fun causes you to run away in terror.

I wish the candy jar on my desk never runs out of candy.

Granted, but the candy inside tastes like rotten eggs, no matter if you refill the jar with something else.

I wish i could summon a tentacle monster to appear in the middle of Tokyo, and watch the chaos from a safe distance...the ever safe distance.

Wish granted! You summon a Tentacle Monster named Safe Distance, who promptly eats you. You have to watch the chaos from within it.

I wish that I had at my disposal a secret agency with a cool acronym.

Yes, you had, before Poog shanked him for taking tribe's dinner.

Poog wish for Birdcruncher tribe to rule world.

Granted! Here are your yardsticks. Start measuring.

I wish for a Pathfinder MMO game where you rebuild a medeval town, and hunt monsters with your friends.

Wish granted! Except replace the words "rebuild a medieval town" with "explore a static two screens of city blocks" and "hunt monsters with" with "scream obscenities at." This is an MMO we're talking about, after all.

I wish to be the leader of a secret agency with a dumb acronym.

Silver Crusade

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber


Dragons Undermining Magnanimous Braggadocios (D.U.M.B) is the elite team of dragons who rudely, but stealthily, interrupt altruistic heroes telling stories of their heroics to OLIVE, Orphans Living Vicariously Everyday.

I wish for someone to pay for a Pathfinder: Campaign Setting subscription, with me as the recipient, without wanting anything in return.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Granted! I've got this great Pathfinder Campaign Setting in the works called the Overgrowths of Toa's Nail. You'll love it, it has everything that people have been asking for in a Pathfinder setting. Plot hooks right out of TV tropes, archetypes to give your Fighter useful replacements for their feats like Wild Empathy, extended spell lists for 12th level spells (with faster spell progression for full casters) and more open-world based gameplay that focuses less on dungeons, plotlines, and intrigue and more on random wilderness encounters. And to really make things interesting, everyone (down to the 1st level commoner) has a Deck of Many Things in their possession.

Best part is, I'm not going to just give you a free subscription, I'm going to give you a free partnership! You're name will be on the front cover of every hardcopy we sell with our dubious marketing schemes. When people google your name a decade from now, this will come back as the first thing they see!

I wish there were more postings to comment on in the Homebrew forums.

Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Deluxe Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Legends Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Granted. The posts, however involve dubious home-brewed alcoholic beverages - most of which would result in blindness and severe abdominal discomfort, at a minimum, if consumed. You feel obligated to brew and taste-test each and every one and comment on them.

I wish my car had a flame thrower installed that I could use to melt the snow on the roads.

Wish granted! For some reason, your flamethrower is unable to melt the snow on your driveway, though. Weird.

I wish that I could discover the true meaning of [INSERT HOLIDAY HERE].

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Granted! See, the brackets, combined with the word INSERT X HERE in capital letters would tend to suggest that the sentence could be edited to fit the desires of the reader by removing the bracketed portion and replacing it with some appropriate substitute for X. X in this case would be the word HOLIDAY, suggesting that you should replace the word HOLIDAY with a holiday of your own choosing.

I wish that eggnog was available year-round locally.

Granted! Here's a fountain of eggnog, about 50% southern comfort, on your front lawn. Lots of drunks sleeping on your lawn are thrown in gratis.

I wish I could post that a lot of these drawbacks are not really drawbacks, without forum nazis bugging me.:)

Granted! However some grammar Nazis discovered a letter you wrote to Santa when you were four and decide to continually ridicule you over it.

I wish for the ability to control the weather in a 100-mile radius sphere around myself, with the weather being what I want it to be when I want it.

Granted! You are now a TV news meteorologist. You get fired shortly afterwards for editing the weather data.

I wish people no longer got angry with one another over which RPG systems or editions others used.

Granted. They now argue over the pizza ordered... And the Vegeterian keeps shouting for hummus.

I wish for my neighbors to become TTRPG groupies...

Wish granted! A family of FATALites moves next door.

I wish that I could win the "Last One to Post" thread once and for all!

Granted! Paizo's forums crash immediately after you post and nobody can get them up and running again. Paizo soon goes out of business and your victory is lost somewhere in the Internet, never to be seen by anyone.

I wish for an everful jar of candy that only produces the candy I want.

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