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Granted: The word "wasted" appears on a post-it before you.
I wish the gods would bow before me and view me as their one true ruler!
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Wow, I just got a fever from the heat off of that burn.
Granted: you are laid next to the true tape measure, the true protractor, and the true sun dial. You collect dust for eons.
I wish that I could speak to moustaches.
Granted, but other people think you mad, and you are locked in an asylum where your own mustache is shorn.
I wish I hadn't eaten those bad clams last night. :rushes over, opens lid of Box, sits upon it, and engages in a prolonged and noisy evacuation, legs trembling with relief:
Granted: instead of eating them, your clam-enema was a huge failure. Same result, worse smell.
I wish baby seals could talk, but only during pretend tea parties.
Granted: The seals seem to talk about clubbing a lot, they miss clubbing, all their friends went clubbing and never came back and clubbing is the ONLY thing that matters... Enjoy the scintillating conversation, maybe later you can go clubbing with baby seals.
I wish that this wish was granted.
Done.
I wish that I had all of the time in the world
Granted, but you can hardly move, you can't even to breathe, you can wiggle your left big toe, won't die though just you'll just stand there for eternity, wiggling your left big toe.
I wish my plants will grow very well.
Granted: Poison Ivy arrives and uses your begonias to destroy the known world and your family and friends- since technically you were enslaving those plants and malnourishing them.
Wish: I wish everyone on the message boards got along all the time.
Granted, but everyone can't get along with anyone outside of the message boards. Really, really can't get along. By chance one of us is works in nuclear plant and in a fit of anger slams on the self destruct button...
I wish I could survive a nuclear disaster, but not by being a cockroach.
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Granted. You are now the title character in the incredible H man. You relive that movie(sort of) whenever anyone watches it.
I wish The Cleaves threads were more popular.
They are, but only for a guy who says SPAM all the time..
I wish my "new" party goes on for more than one session
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It will, but it's the one where 4, 10 year olds convinced you to GM a My Little Pony game. They will murder your favorite villain from that show, then insist on playing epic levels.
I wish all the members of the terrorist group Islamic Nation had all my problems instead of me, allergies, paranoid schizophrenia, the opposite sex loathing them, and the worlds worst luck.
You are now the only member of that terrorist group. Have fun in high security prison.
I wish that there was a magical genie who would grant all of my wishes without corrupting them who appears next to me without trying to hurt me and listens till I give him a wish at which points he grants it and then returns and no one thinks his presence is strange and he does not annoy me in any way and he only grants wishes for me and always grants them in the exact way I wanted them granted.
Granted. Unfortunately getting all of your heart's desires quickly becomes tedious. You become so bored with life that, with your final wish, you wish to cease to exist.
I wish that the network at work wasn't running like absolute garbage like it has been the past few days.
It won't run at all.
I wish that I would never grow bored with getting my hearts desires.
Granted. You will never achieve any of your heart's desires.
I wish I knew what to do with this sack of weasels.
Granted. You stick them down your pants while not wearing underwear.
I wish I wasn't so sick.
Granted: Your current malady abates to the perpetual symptoms of walking pneumonia while the remaining population contracts ebola... you aren't SO sick now are you?
I wish that people would STOP talking about boring things that I am not interested in.
You suddenly become interested in everything.
I wish that GT was allergic to goats.
Granted, but you're his goat now and he keeps touching you with his body full of pus filled blisters
I wish I had a Vacuum Cleaning Robot
Ps
It will, but it's the one where 4, 10 year olds convinced you to GM a My Little Pony game. They will murder your favorite villain from that show, then insist on playing epic levels.
That's hillarious!! I work with 10 year olds
Your wish is granted, Little Skylark. After shelling out a small fortune you discover your robot only cleans vacuums. It decides to start with the largest vacuum it can find - the vacuum of space. You never see it - or the money you spent on it - again.
I wish for nothing.
And so you shall be nothing. Completely and utterly worthless with nothing left that you own, lower than the lowest hobo. It's all gone. All of it. Your toys, your money, your house, your future, your fate. All gone. You will amount to nothing and die unloved, cursed to forever wander, but unable to own anything or ever take part in anything dictated by fate ever again.
I wish to have a death worse than fate.
Granted! Drink this "koolaide"
I wish Bill Cosby was on the 12 dollar bill.
Granted, but only in the Cosby-Monopoly special edition.
I wish Rysky, in the off-topics' Blame Cosmo thread, would stop eating pugwampi.
Granted, he now only eats gnolls.
I wish I had a photographic memory.
Granted: You have picture perfect detail of your life inside the womb, being born, and all of your most awkward, painful moments from adolescence.
I wish... for an admirable collection of doomsday weapons.
Granted, Cosmo receives quite an admirable collection of Doomsday weapons.
I wish for Cosmo to share the wealth.
Granted.
I wish that... hm... I wish that I know what to wish for.
You should wish for a transcendent sensual experience to broaden the horizons of what you consider pleasure and pain, horror and delight.
I will provide this experience for you. It's what I do.
I wish I had a good set of tools for the task ahead.
Granted.
Here's the ticking box of thermonuclear dynamite while I supersonically run away.
I wish that GoatToucher shall be cleansed of all of his dirty thoughts.
Lady get wish, GRANTED!
Poog decapitate GoatGroper, ending life and his thoughtz.
Poog wish for lots of sparrows for roast on bonfire tonight.
Granted. You have lots, which is one more than 4.
I wish I wasn't so sleepy today.
Granted. Your cell structure is now identical to that of a coffee bean, and your blood is replaced with pure caffeine.
I wish that I'm not addicted to PbP.
Granted. You are not addicted to PCP. The effects are much the same.
I wish that Poog would do a little dance for us...
Wearing this adorable little sailor outfit.
Giving the ugly green thing a navy outfit and a dual machete was your worst mistake. I'll even point him in your direction for another head removal.
I wish for a nice chocolate chip ice cream.
Nice meaning safe for people allergic to chocolate. I filled your freezer with full carob chip ice cream tubs.
I wish all the cigarettes and sodium nitrite would go to hell where they belong.
Granted, they now enshroud you wherever you go.
I wish for a time machine so I could go back in time and change the bad things that happened.
Granted. New bad things happen that were even worse than the old bad things.
I wish I could clean those hard to reach places.
Granted. As you get slammed by the firehose in those hard-to-reach places.
I wish that I was always in perfect health.
Granted, but that glitch is a thorn in the developers' eye and you are scrapped from the release.
I wish Evil Dead didn't get the modern day remake, since....remaking cult classics = bad quality pulp.
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Granted! But the whole thing is a Tina Turner music video montage and kills the franchise for good.
I wish we could get a Star Wars animated movie done by the guys who do the Bioware promo videos for SW:TOR (like the one that just dropped a few days ago: HERE).
Granted, but it is written by George Lucas.
I knew then what I know now.
Ok, but the playerz make wishes that are ruled void, so you has nothing to corrupt.
I wish GoatGroper stay inside black hole.
Plus i not have to be anywhere near him.
Granted. You are trapped in a different black hole. By some twist of cosmic physics, the two are joined so that you can hear everything he says with no way to shut it out.
I wish someone would hurry up and invent a warp drive or hyperdrive.
Granted. Hyperdrive is a new Uber-like system wherein all the drivers are sixteen year old boys with ADHD.
I wish Poog knew what I was thinking about him.
Granted. A week after allowing said characters, Paizo releases an errata document that makes gestalt and mythic builds effectively worthless.
I wish that public discourse would become more rational.