Of 'corsair', ya couldn't resist doin' that! Hohoho ho hohoooo!
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You need to be eaten for that pun!
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*Walks by, riding on a very annoyed Bloodfang (who may have lost his edge due to old age).*
Never mess with a pirate king who can control beasts, and people too!
*Bellows out laughing with the crew joining in.*
I must admit, I'm surprised that Aduro and Malvel haven't noticed my presence yet.
*Shrugs and continues riding Bloodfang along the beachhead.*
H'mm... Tell me, is there a Mrs Pirate King of Matai?
Sanpao is your grandmother?
Now that I look closer, I do see a family resemblance.
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It's Makai and yes, I'm afraid that there is (but I don't think we are technically married). Her name is Kensa, she's a sorceress, and we have a daughter named Ria.
Blast. I thought you might be suitable for Juliette, though she isn't hugely keen on men with scurvy. Never mind.
Grandmother, what happened to grandfather anyway? Also, please help us, uncle is being mean again!
Xzkhnee'ag'ankznylthrb, what is the matter? Given that you and all 5000 of your brothers and sisters hatched out of the chest of a living nun, I wouldn't have thought a bit of unpleasantness would bother you, but tell me what the trouble is.
And kindly do not mention that man's name in my presence. Him and that hussy Iggwilv - hmph! 'O, I'm sorry I forgot our anniversary, I was stuck in an iron flask'. Pull the other one, Octave.
Mummy, did you call me? Lashcastrakaa and I were having a girls' night in.
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*Stabs Vampire Schism with two silver stakes (one in the stomach and the other in her groin).*
Be thankful you're not a man. You'd be very upset.
*Respectfully bows to Dowager Comtesse de Malodor.*
I don't have scurvy, your greatness, nor would I let my crew to contract that or any other disease. Besides, I think your daughter (given everything she has had to deal with) would rather marry a gay jellyfish that spends all of its time cruising for rich snorkelers. Also, GeneStealer Cult hosts give birth normally. In terms of what has upset your grandchildren, Comte de Malodor has been telling them hurtful lie after hurtful lie (seriously, your son has managed to find a way to inflict actual wounds by telling untruths). You'd think he would do it to all of them, but no, just his nieces and nephews.
*Escapes while annoying pirate king is distracted*
*Snags a few more pirates to go before stomping off far more swiftly than would be expected for his size*
GGRRRRRRRR.....
*Plots revenge for humiliating riding moment*
Not so much telling lies as firing solidified falsehoods out of a cannon made of crystallised deceit (not a metaphor - that's what my superiors, in their infinite wisdom, have given me to work with). Clearly it needs calibrating, which is what my nieces & nephews should be doing instead of pratting about in a free-fire zone. Get over here!
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Don't you dare confuse us with your kroot mistresses, uncle!
*Comte de Malodor gets an uneasy feeling as he discovers both Lady Blackmoor and Dowager Comtesse de Malodor are standing right behind him, with disappointed looks on their faces.*
Besides, OUR duty is the maintenance and repair of all the tectonic fragdrills that YOU convinced us to build!
*The image of Count Reiner Heydrich appears and watches everything going on.*
"I know that MY family have no such thing as 'familial ties' but to think that Comte de Malodor doesn't have them either is a bit sad really."
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*Sits down with the crew, by the massive campfire, watching something getting cooked over it.*
Nothing like a nice hot meal to finish up a day of looting and freebooting! Serve us up already!
*Plates of food are handed out (with Sanpao getting the largest amount) and the meat being eaten is in fact Bloodfang (who failed to eat any pirates). The evil dinosaur may yet return, but only because he's the pet of Lashcastrakaa and so, chance's are he can't permanently die.*
Don't you dare confuse us with your kroot mistresses, uncle!
*Comte de Malodor gets an uneasy feeling as he discovers both Lady Blackmoor and Dowager Comtesse de Malodor are standing right behind him, with disappointed looks on their faces.*
Besides, OUR duty is the maintenance and repair of all the tectonic fragdrills that YOU convinced us to build!
*The image of Count Reiner Heydrich appears and watches everything going on.*
"I know that MY family have no such thing as 'familial ties' but to think that Comte de Malodor doesn't have them either is a bit sad really."
Well, no. this is a familial cravat.
Ah, Alphonse, my boy, how are you?
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I see now, this explains why your brother acts the way he does.
*Flinches as Dowager Comtesse de Malodor bashes Octave de Malodor over the head with a club.*
He was risking much to be here and see his children (mainly his son).
*A certain bald headed vampire whispers a question in the Count's ear.*
Basically, Mr Addams, Hell's a really messed up place.
*Gets asked another question by Nosferatu Fester Addams.*
Lady Blackmoor was talking to her children... I think...
End of existence vas last veek, useless man. You are LATE.
Behind schedule as usual, Octave. Whatever did I see in you, really?
Don't you dare confuse us with your kroot mistresses, uncle!
*Comte de Malodor gets an uneasy feeling as he discovers both Lady Blackmoor and Dowager Comtesse de Malodor are standing right behind him, with disappointed looks on their faces.*
They're sloads. Sloads, do you hear me?
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Call them whatever you want, they'll always be your dirty, little fireday evening treat to yourself!
*Unsheathes cutlass (with Comte de Malodor being horrified at the blade's serrated edge) and promptly performs (with much encouragement from Lady Blackmoor, Lashcastrakaa and Dowager Comtesse de Malodor) a necessary vasectomy on Comte de Malodor.*
Had to be done I'm afraid! But don't worry, your wife will happily heal you... When SHE wants to!
*Cleans cutlass using extra strength, GoatToucher brand, weapon cleaning detergent.*
*Casts 'reverse vasectomy', a spell whose material component is an equally large and cruelly serrated scimitar...*
o no...
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Clearly, Lashcastrakaa is casting her spell just for laughs. It's common knowledge to everyone that she EATS children and was never interested in actually having any. However, she is very lucky. Dowager Comtesse de Malodor also didn't want to have children, but Octave de Malodor obviously doesn't take no for an answer. At least Lady Blackmoor turned out right.
*Sees Dowager Comtesse de Malodor continue to bludgeon Octave de Malodor with a club.*
My guess is that she's still mad at him.
I've heard the rumors, but no one believes he could have done that.
:watches intently from his chez lounge, noting the technique on the Reverse Vasectomy spell, which is delightfully crude:
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Darling! ow You're looking radiant, as always ow Your bludgeoning technique has improved, I see ow Have you met my new fiancee, Roxxxy?
Squee! I've lost, like, soooo much weight! I gotta Insta this! #thinspo #livelaughlove #sugarbaby #acheron
Hrronk hfee hnf hnf huuurk
Say What?
That is the song of the saxofon - wordless, but overflowing with heart-rending passion.
Give me my accordion band!
Skrw skrw skrw
Skrw skrw skrrrr skrw
Skrw skrw skrw.
Music to my ears.
Arrh! My grog infusion pump be working successfully! 'Tis a new dawn for buccaneer medicine! Now, if I can only perfect these parrot implants, my place in history will be assured...
Wait a minute didn't I already win this like forever ago?
Sneaks in for the win.