Aspis Agent

AM GOLD's page

34 posts. Alias of Limeylongears.


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And IIIIIIII,
Will always love youuuu,
Oogleoogleoooo...


I've been to paradise,

But I've never been,

To Schism.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

This is the dawning of
Cabbage of Aquarius
Cabbage of Aquarius
Cabbage of Aquarius


Forever and ever and ever and ever...


Freehold DM wrote:
lisamarlene wrote:
Woran wrote:

Mort, you will be happy to know i finally remembered to buy a new thermometer

Edit: which i need to be naked for to use. Of course.

So it's a rectal thermometer, then?

** spoiler omitted **

I like where this is...showing?

** spoiler omitted **

Because I'm,

Hot bottomed,

Check it and see.


Once
There was this monkey, who
Wanted to engage
In an orgy of destruction...


NobodysHome wrote:

Quick question because I'm lazy: Are there any non-Player-Companion spells that grant a weapon the Ghost Touch special ability?

You'd think that would be a pretty standard spell in any cleric's arsenal, but I can't find one other then Instant Weapon (PC: Melee Toolkit) or Spirit-Bound Blade (Occult Adventures).

You'd think there was something in core better than Ghostbane Dirge...

{To the tune of 'Uptown Girl'}

Ghostbane dirge,
I stabbed a spectre with a ghostbane dirge,
It worked quite nicely on that phantom stirge,
Enter the sepulchre and purge! Purge! Purge!
I'm roastin' the ghosts with my ghostbane dirge,
My ghostbane dur-hur-hurge, etc.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Limeylongears wrote:
lisamarlene wrote:

As I was picking him up from the after-school care room today, my son looked at a box of "multi-grain" crackers and read aloud "military grade crackers". He got mad because he couldn't understand why I was laughing.

And it gave me a great idea:
I'm going to go to the military surplus store and pick up a couple of MRE's.
So the next time he complains that whatever really good meal I just spent two hours making is "DISGUSTING", I can quietly take his plate away and serve him an MRE instead.

John, do you have any MRE stories you'd like to share, or are the memories (MREs?) still too painful?

I am not John, nor were I in the military, but about 20 years ago or so I did eat an MRE. I remember it being unpleasant but not disgusting.

Also, I think memories about MREs are properly called "meMREs".

They're very much like the shadows of your mind, however you spell them.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Nigel Tufnel, Guitar Wizard wrote:
"Aquapulg" is Jethro Longears's most overrated song.

Swimming in a coral reef (dur dur durdur)

Causing little fish to come to grief...


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Jimmy Buffett wrote:

♫ Why beer becomes geckos in the fright ♫

♫ Nuts be shears lonely whiskers of sum blighted observation ♫
♫ Bees strumming sin, elves dirty night ♫
♫ The vroom kit stings deflect the bars that slide trees bored in stations ♫
♫ Guy boppped a bold Stan out of sight ♫
♫ Sloping to mind from strong besotted birds or dingy wallabies ♫
♫ She burned a sea and then did lay Sorry toys aren't dating for ewe ♫

♫ Not gotta rot to bake free today come true ♫
♫ Where's button sat a thundered hand for sore wood never too ♫
♫ I guess it rains down in Africa ♫
♫ Wanna make some grime to due the strings glee severed lad ♫

ABLEIST LORRAINE DROWNING ARTHUR'S CAR.


Jimmy Buffett wrote:
AM GOLD wrote:
Jimmy Buffett wrote:

♫ Who will you do when you get bonely ♫

♫ No bodies lying on their sides ♫
♫ Old Ben's strumming and filing much too strong ♫
♫ Or is it Justin's turn inside? ♫

GAY LARD,

Huge chutney on my knees,
GAY LARD,
Ham pegging, starlings sneeze,
GAY LARD,
Snarling, bone two wheezing curried pines!

Yeah! Now this guy gets it!!

♫ Spay ya! ♫
♫ You're gonna need new knees ♫
♫ Spay ya! ♫
♫ I'm pegging for bleu cheese ♫
♫ Spay ya! ♫
♫ Arnold won't read these f*~*ing lines? ♫

Here's a goodun.

Sniff Hugh, Leafy Mao,
Huge snakes awake a hairy, smarter me,
Ooeeooeeoh, gravy cheese won't grow


Jimmy Buffett wrote:

♫ Who will you do when you get bonely ♫

♫ No bodies lying on their sides ♫
♫ Old Ben's strumming and filing much too strong ♫
♫ Or is it Justin's turn inside? ♫

GAY LARD,

Huge chutney on my knees,
GAY LARD,
Ham pegging, starlings sneeze,
GAY LARD,
Snarling, bone two wheezing curried pines!


Scared Table wrote:
I don't know whats happening anymore.

Me 'n' Jim are singing 'Hosing Mylie's Pigeon', by Auntie Em, with all the right lyrics.


Jimmy Buffett wrote:

♫ Let's pee in the corner. ♫

♫ Let's pee in the spot. Light. ♫
♫ Confusin' all the pigeons. ♫

Tryin' to steep a pie in pee,

But I don't know if I can do it.
Bono's chives sped slow mulch,
I haven't shed a muff.


And you were a ladeeee,
Would you follow me anywhere?
Would you catch my crabs?

The next poster is a man-fisher.


NobodysHome wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
If you die in the same room you were born in, then your lifetime net movement would be 0.

And according to physics, this means you will have done no work in your lifetime.

What if you were born in the back of a travellin' shoooow?


Here comes the murdery girdery man, he's singing songs of love murder, with a girder.


*Opens the door*

*Gets on the floor*

NO, GOATOUCHER, NO! THAT'S HOW THEY BECAME EXTINCT FIRST TIME AROUND!

And put your boomshakalakalakaboomboom away, if you'd be so kind.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

If you're goiiiiing
To this year's Waldstock
Be sure to wear
A tangerine in your [censored]


4 people marked this as a favorite.

And it seemed to me
You lived your life
Like a Kurt Vonnegut Novena Candle
In the cosmic solar wind.


Hold me closer, tiny dangler.


Almost the full length of a starry, starry night, eh?

{Wanders past feasters at banquet playing a medley of the greatest hits of 'Chicago' on a hurdy-gurdy}


Which is probably the only thing I have in common with Lionel Ritchie.

The next poster was not what Lionel was looking for.


Tossed Slaad wrote:
Sunomono Slaad wrote:
I'll take a herpetologist. With curry sauce and a side of roasted corn.
I didn’t know herpes was its own field!

This is really a job for Stink, but needs must...

Will you spay my fleas, will you bean my muff,
As we walk in the fields of herpes?
Will you paint my knees, blimey, what the chuff?
As we roast in the fields of corn


3 people marked this as a favorite.
doctor_wu wrote:
It was 4 years before I was born today exactly 30 years ago.

Happy birthday, Doctor_Wu!

Are you really 26 now? Jolly good show and woo-hoo!
Are you wearing a bow-tie
Or eating key lime pie?
Happy birthday, Dr.

{Tootly late '70s saxophone break}


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Good morning, John.

Do you know what the world needs now?

What the world needs now is tactical sporks, sweet tactical sporks.

'Not recommended to be put in your kids' lunchboxes, because of 'SECURITY' and the 'RULES' some schools have about knives'


1 person marked this as a favorite.
captain yesterday wrote:

In Starfinder the Whispering Way changed their name to Song Of Silence.

Thus confirming my conspiracy theory that the Whispering Tyrant is in fact Art Garfunkle.

Depends. How bright are his eyes?


1 person marked this as a favorite.

You were born in the back of a travelling shoooow
Mama used to squeak for the money they'd throooow
Papa would do anything to get a meal,
Fill his cheeks with sawdust,
Or run around continuously on a wheel.

THEY'D CALL US HAMSTERS, TRAMPS AND THIEVES.


Have I ever told you you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
And I can fly higher than an eagle,
You are the Win beneath my wings.


You'll BEEEEEE my spreeng!!!!


5 people marked this as a favorite.
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
lucky7 wrote:
I thought Kobold Cleaver had died. Stop scaring me like that.
Sweet Christmas, so did I. Thank goodness. He's still trapped here in Hotel Paizofornia with the rest of us.

CAN KOBOLD ANY TIME AM LIKE

BUT CAN NEVER CLEAVE.


TAKE AM BROKEN WIN
LEARN TO WIN AGAIN
USE OLIVE OIL, NOT GHEE
TO LUBRICATE AM ORIFICE
[CENSORED] OF [CENSORED] AM OPEN UP
AND LET US IN


1 person marked this as a favorite.

AM APOLOGISE THAT FEEL LIKE KID WITH TEENAGE CRUSH ON SCHOOLDAY