I was referring to the fact that you are divorcing from your business associates (after all, they were the ones who told you that going into business is a lot like being married). And weren’t you actually in the business of deaf horses in the first place?
She was born in the back of a travelling bear,
Mama used to dance in her underwear,
Papa would do whatever he could,
Preach a little gospel,
Or go and do a poo in the woods.
THEY WERE BORN IN THE BACK OF A TRAVELLING CRYYYPT,
MAMA WROTE TOMES IN ABOMINABLE SCRIIIPTS
PAPA WOULD DO WHAT EVER HE COUUULD,
TURN INTO A CLOUD OF BATS,
OR SUP UPON A VIRGIN'S BLOOOOD.
WW had been asking for gyros, so I made homemade garlic flatbread, smoked eggplant for baba ghanoush, grated cucumber to mix tzatziki, and marinate and pan-seared lamb chops.
The children ate the bread. Only the bread. Because eating lamb made them sad, and now I'm a terrible person.
EDIT: BABA ghanoush, not ABBA ghanoush.
Curse you, autocorrect.
Ghanoush-ba Trouper,
Tzatziki's gonna find you
Shining like the sun (etc)
Everywhere I hear the sound of riled-up, angry bleats,
'Cause summer's here and the time is right,
For goatin' in the street.
So what should a caprid do,
Chew on an old tin can?
Try to throw it down,
We'll be buttin' a man
Quick question because I'm lazy: Are there any non-Player-Companion spells that grant a weapon the Ghost Touch special ability?
You'd think that would be a pretty standard spell in any cleric's arsenal, but I can't find one other then Instant Weapon (PC: Melee Toolkit) or Spirit-Bound Blade (Occult Adventures).
You'd think there was something in core better than Ghostbane Dirge...
{To the tune of 'Uptown Girl'}
Ghostbane dirge,
I stabbed a spectre with a ghostbane dirge,
It worked quite nicely on that phantom stirge,
Enter the sepulchre and purge! Purge! Purge!
I'm roastin' the ghosts with my ghostbane dirge,
My ghostbane dur-hur-hurge, etc.
As I was picking him up from the after-school care room today, my son looked at a box of "multi-grain" crackers and read aloud "military grade crackers". He got mad because he couldn't understand why I was laughing.
And it gave me a great idea:
I'm going to go to the military surplus store and pick up a couple of MRE's.
So the next time he complains that whatever really good meal I just spent two hours making is "DISGUSTING", I can quietly take his plate away and serve him an MRE instead.
John, do you have any MRE stories you'd like to share, or are the memories (MREs?) still too painful?
I am not John, nor were I in the military, but about 20 years ago or so I did eat an MRE. I remember it being unpleasant but not disgusting.
Also, I think memories about MREs are properly called "meMREs".
They're very much like the shadows of your mind, however you spell them.
♫ Nuts be shears lonely whiskers of sum blighted observation ♫
♫ Bees strumming sin, elves dirty night ♫
♫ The vroom kit stings deflect the bars that slide trees bored in stations ♫
♫ Guy boppped a bold Stan out of sight ♫
♫ Sloping to mind from strong besotted birds or dingy wallabies ♫
♫ She burned a sea and then did lay Sorry toys aren't dating for ewe ♫
♫ Not gotta rot to bake free today come true ♫
♫ Where's button sat a thundered hand for sore wood never too ♫
♫ I guess it rains down in Africa ♫
♫ Wanna make some grime to due the strings glee severed lad ♫
I'll take a herpetologist. With curry sauce and a side of roasted corn.
I didn’t know herpes was its own field!
This is really a job for Stink, but needs must...
Will you spay my fleas, will you bean my muff,
As we walk in the fields of herpes?
Will you paint my knees, blimey, what the chuff?
As we roast in the fields of corn
You were born in the back of a travelling shoooow
Mama used to squeak for the money they'd throooow
Papa would do anything to get a meal,
Fill his cheeks with sawdust,
Or run around continuously on a wheel.
Description
This well dressed female Elan looks around 25-ish years of age, she walks with the grace and elegance of and elf. Her face is fine her body slender. However she seems to brim with power from within, from her electric blue eyes to her blue hair. She has Embedded in her forehead is a blue gem. She has an odd habit of walking around with her eyes closed. This dose not impede her as she seems to be able to see just fine. Her clothing fine and simple, with a fine belt. She has no weapons that can be seen.
In action
When you meet Lady Dizit Sama you are in fact meeting two identical personality's in one body. Each can talk to you with the same voice, telepathically in most cases. They seem to work as one, but she often refers to herself as "We" or "Us" Lady Dizit Sama will tell she has worked as a for hire Law Enforcer and mind Guard.
Crunch:
Init [+10] [+21/+20 Perception x2 Rolls]
Senses: [Always on]
All Around Telepathic Sight 120' [Constant], Darkvision (60 feet.), Detect telepathy (30 ft)[Constant], Detect Psionics/magic [at will], Know direction and location [at will]. Empathy [At Will]
Move: 30' [Others see powers]
Milli
Unarmed TH [+7/+2] DMG [1d3+0Str]
Dagger TH [+7/+2] DMG [1d4+0Str]
Power-Two natural slam/bite/claw attacks that deal 1d8 damage if Medium (1d10 if Large) TH [+7/+2]
Ranged
Mind thrust TH-Auto DMG[1d6 0pp] [1d10 1pp] [Will Save 1/2Dmg DC as PP used.]
Energy Splash/ray RTA-TH +09/+4 DMG[1d3 0pp] [1d6 1pp] [Ref Save 1/2Dmg DC as PP used.]
Mind Thrust 1d6 55' [DMG 1d6][no pp cost]
Disintegrate DC25 12PP DMG [24d6]
Defence
AC_[24/30*][10+9Armor+3Dex+2Ring+Shield Force +6*] (Tch 15/21* ---FI^)
[^All round telepathic sight]
(*/** can change with powers, note she can make put powers
to give a +9AC and +6AC, with Meta to Dex+4[+2AC] NA+3 add DR5/- giving her an AC33 with DR5/- 24mins)
PR/SR [17]
Hit Die: [12x(3+1+1)]+[2x10 feat] = HP[80/80]
Fast Healing 2/gain 20 temporary hit points / Power 7pp 24m/+4con `2mins 24hp bust.
CMD 20/16FI
Then -> Hostile Empathic Transfervery bad for everyone with in 20' max 50DMG 11pp
Saves
Fort_Save_[+08/+12*][Base+4/Con+1/other+3]
Refl_Save_[+07/+11*][Base+4/Dex+3/other+3]
Will_Save_[+15/+19*][Base+8/Wil+4/other+3]
*Elan Power 1pp = +4 to saves. [Race]
Other
Endure Elements [Constant][Item]
25 Point spend
Str [12][Mod+0][10][00p][+2Item]
Dex [16][Mod+4][10][05p][+2Item]
Con [12][Mod+0][10][00p][+2Item]
Int [26][Mod+8][12][13p][+2Race][+3Levels][+6Item]
Wis [18][Mod+4][10][05p][+4Item]
Cha [16][Mod+3][10][02p][+4Item]
Traits and Feats:
-------------------------=Traits=----------------------
Traits:
1: Bruising Intellect [social] [from feat]
Your sharp intellect and rapier-like wit bruise egos.
Benefits: Intimidate is always a class skill for you, and you may use your Intelligence modifier when making Intimidate checks instead of your Charisma modifier.
2: Focused mind [Magic]
+ 2 trait bonus to concentration.
3:Dim Seer [Regional]
Benefit: You gain a +2 trait bonus on Perception checks in dim light, and Perception is always a class skill for you.
----------------=Drawbacks=-----------------
1:Paranoid [Drawback]
You believe that someone or something is always out to get you, so you have a hard time truly trusting anyone.
Effect: Anyone who attempts an aid another action of any type to assist you must succeed at a DC 15 check instead of the normal DC 10 check.
-:Aberrant Nature: [Drawback race]
Although human in appearance, elans suffer from a nature slightly off from the rest of the non-elan society. They suffer a -1 penalty to Charisma-based skill checks when dealing with non-elans.
Class Feats Mental Intrusion (Ex)
The Difficulty Class for saving throws against psion powers is 10 + the power’s level + the psion’s Intelligence modifier.
At 2nd level, as long as you maintain psionic focus, increase the save DC of any mind-affecting power you manifest by 1 for every 2 power points you spend augmenting the power, provided the augmentation does not already increase the power’s save DC. For the purpose of this ability, you may spend additional power points augmenting a mind-affecting power’s save DC even on a power that normally does not have any augment options.
Elans do not sleep as mortals do, instead entering a deep meditative trance for 4 hours a day. Resting in this fashion grants the elan the same benefits that other races gain from 8 hours of sleep. The elan spends the time in this trance renewing her body by suffusing it with psionic energy, repairing wounds, and keeping the tissues and organs healthy.
+2 to one ability score: Elans gain a +2 bonus to one ability score chosen at creation to represent their varied nature.
Aberrant Blood:
Elans are of the humanoid (aberrant) subtype.
Medium:
Elan are Medium creatures and have no bonuses or penalties due to their size.
Normal Speed:
Elans have a base speed of 30 feet.
Aberrant Nature:
Although human in appearance, elans suffer from a nature slightly off from the rest of the non-elan society. They suffer a -1 penalty to Charisma-based skill checks when dealing with non-elans.
Naturally Psionic:
Elans gain the Wild Talent feat as a bonus feat at 1st level. If an elan takes levels in a psionic class, she instead gains the Psionic Talent feat.
Resistance (Su):
Elans can use psionic energy to increase their resistance to various forms of attack. As an immediate action, an elan can spend 1 power point to gain a +4 racial bonus on saving throws until the beginning of her next action.
Resilience (Su):
When an elan takes damage, he can spend power points to reduce its severity. As an immediate action, he can reduce the damage he is about to take by 2 hit points for every 1 power point he spends.
Repletion (Su):
An elan can sustain his body without need of food or water. If he spends 1 power point, an elan does not need to eat or drink for 24 hours.
Psionic Aptitude:
When an elan takes a level in a favored class, he can choose to gain an additional power point instead of a hit point or skill point.
Languages:
Elans begin play speaking Common. Elans with high Intelligence scores can choose any languages they want (except secret languages, such as Druidic).
Languages
[8+12] Common, Abyssal, Aquan (“Tongue of the Sea”), Auran (“Tongue of the Heavens”), Celestial, Dark Folk, Draconic, Dwarven, Elven, Giant, Gnome, Goblin, Halfling, Ignan (“Tongue of Fire”), Infernal, Necril, Orc, Sylvan, Terran (“Tongue of Earth”), Undercommon, Thieve's Cant.
Concentration +27 (12ML+9INT+4Item+2Trait)
< = Class feat other Skill
ACP = [-0]*
Other effects.
-1 penalty to Charisma-based skill checks when dealing with non-elans.
+2 trait bonus on Perception checks in dim light
Power - call-to-mind[11pp = +9 to Kn roll + re-roll]
Psionic powers and Taking 15 -> [No Display Auto]
Dispense with Displays: Despite the fact that almost every power has a display, a psionic character can always choose to manifest the power without the flashy accompaniment. To manifest a power without any display (no matter how many displays it might have), a manifester must make a concentration check (DC 15 + the level of the power). This check is part of the action of manifesting the power. If the check is unsuccessful, the power manifests normally with its display.
Even if a manifester manifests a power without a display, he is still subject to attacks of opportunity in appropriate circumstances. (Of course, another concentration check can be made as normal to either manifest defensively or maintain the power if attacked.)
Powers NOT subject to Spell Craft roll to Identify UNLESS they affects can be seen.
BAB [+6/+1]
Save's [+4/+4/+8]
Bonus feat (in Feats)
Detect psionics (free Power)
Discipline
Discipline talents (free Power x 2)
Class Skills
Skill Ranks at Each Level: 2 + Int modifier.
The psion’s class skills are Autohypnosis (Wis), Craft (Int), Knowledge (all) (Int), Profession (Wis), and Spellcraft (Int), Bluff (Cha), Diplomacy (Cha), and Sense Motive (Wis).
Weapon and Armor Proficiencies
Psions are proficient with the club, dagger, heavy crossbow, light crossbow, quarterstaff, and shortspear. They are not proficient with any type of armor or shield. Armor does not, however, interfere with the manifestation of powers.
Discipline Talents (Ps)
Each discipline gains access to two psi-like abilities that can be used as long as the psion maintains psionic focus. Discipline talents are treated as 0-level powers for all purposes (such as save DC). The manifesting time for a discipline talent is the same as if it was manifested normally, or a standard action if the discipline talent does not mimic a psionic power. These powers do not count as powers known for the psion; to manifest them normally, he must select them as his powers known normally.
Discipline (Telepathy)
Two Powers (Talents)
As long as you maintain psionic focus, you may manifest either of your chosen powers without paying a power point cost, but the power may not be augmented or affected by metapsionic feats. The damage of mind thrust is reduced to 1d6. You may only use conceal thoughts on yourself if used as one of your discipline talents.
Mental Intrusion (Ex)
At 2nd level, as long as you maintain psionic focus, increase the save DC of any mind-affecting power you manifest by 1 for every 2 power points you spend augmenting the power, provided the augmentation does not already increase the power’s save DC. For the purpose of this ability, you may spend additional power points augmenting a mind-affecting power’s save DC even on a power that normally does not have any augment options.
Telepathy (Su) 440'
At 8th level, you gain telepathy out to 400 ft. and can communicate with any creature, regardless of intelligence, so long as they have an Intelligence of 1 or higher. The range of your telepathy increases by 10 ft. every psion level thereafter. Additionally, as long as you maintain psionic focus, you can detect other creatures within 30 ft. using telepathy to communicate, although you cannot determine the content of the communication.
Powers Points
Points/Day[192/192] [+126 class][+54 for Int26][+2 form feat][+12 FC]
Maximum Power Level Known - 6th
Max PP spend per Power USE ** 12PP **
Powers known = 24
Race Powers
Resistance (Su)
Elans can use psionic energy to increase their resistance to various forms of attack. As an immediate action, an elan can spend 1 power point to gain a +4 racial bonus on saving throws until the beginning of her next action.
MAX 1PP = +4 Save
Resilience (Su)
When an elan takes damage, he can spend power points to reduce its severity. As an immediate action, he can reduce the damage he is about to take by 2 hit points for every 1 power point he spends.
MAX 12PP = 24HP
Repletion (Su)
An elan can sustain his body without need of food or water.
If he spends 1 power point, an elan does not need to eat or drink for 24 hours.
MAX 1PP = 24hours (always used)
+ Psionic Intelligent Item [500gp] total cost [10,800gp][+2Ego]
Lawful neutral
Inti +7 [Telepathic sight 120']
All round Vision
Perception +20
STATISTICS [Class]
Str [--][--][--]
Dex [--][--][--]
Con [--][--][--]
Int [20][+5][10][+3/1300gp][+5Levels][+2feat]
Wis [16][+3][10][+6/2000gp]
Cha [14][+2][10][+4/1000gp]
DEFENSE
AC [Same as master]
HP [Half Masters]
PR/SR 17]
Saves
Same as the master’s base saves [Same body]
SPECIAL ABILITIES
Construct traits
A psicrystal has immunity to poison, sleep, paralysis, stunning, disease, death effects, necromancy effects, mind-affecting effects (charms, compulsions, phantasms, patterns, and morale effects), and any effect that requires a Fortitude save unless it also works on objects or is harmless. It is not subject to non-lethal damage, ability damage, ability drain, fatigue, exhaustion, or energy drain. It cannot heal damage, but it can be repaired.
Psicrystals do not have the usual construct traits of darkvision and low-light .
A psicrystal can speak one language of its owner’s choice (so long as it is a language the owner knows). A psicrystal can understand all other languages known by its owner, but cannot speak them. This is a supernatural ability.
Interaction with Psicrystals
Implanting an existing Psicrystal is an extended process which replaces all previous benefits the psicrystal had with the one presented below. The process takes 1 day for each point of hardness the psicrystal possesses, during which time the implanted must be present for 8 hours daily and cannot do anything strenuous during the rest of the time. The psicrystal loses all skill points and feats it previously had. The implanted psicrystal can still take purely mental actions, such as concentrating on a power through solicit psicrystal or if it is awakened, using a psi-like ability. Should it be awakened, it can use the share power special ability with its master (see Awakened Psicrystal for more in-depth information).
+ The awakened psicrystal immediately gains a +2 bonus to Intelligence and accompanying effects such as extra skill
points. The range of its sighted, telepathic speech and sight link abilities are doubled (e.g. the sighted ability extends
to 80 feet instead of 40 feet).
Effects
All implanted psicrystals have special abilities (or impart abilities to their owners) depending on the level of the owner, as shown on Table 1 - Implanted Psicrystal. The abilities on the table are cumulative.
It is also important to note that an implanted psicrystal cannot be targeted in any way and all effects which affect the owner affect them both equally. This means an implanted psicrystal heals when its master heals, takes damage when
its master takes damage and so on and so forth.
Implanted Psicrystal Special Abilities
Initiative Bonus (Ex): [+7 Init]
The number noted here is an improvement to the master’s Initiative score, as the psicrystal helps its master react and act faster than would otherwise be possible.
Intelligence Adj. [+5Int]
(Ex): Add this value to the psicrystal’s Intelligence score. Psicrystals are as smart as people though not necessarily as smart as smart people). Once per day, the master can re-roll any skill check which is based on Intelligence, using his own ranks but the Intelligence modifier of the implanted psicrystal.
Alertness (Ex):
The presence of a psicrystal sharpens its master’s senses. As long as the crystal is functioning its owner gains the Alertness feat.
Personality (Ex): Single Minded.
Every psicrystal has a personality. See the Psicrystal Personality table presented in the Expanded Psionics Handbook.
Telepathic Link (Su):
The owner has a telepathic link with his psicrystal. The owner can communicate telepathically as if the psicrystal were the target of a mindlink power manifested by the owner. Because of the telepathic link between a psicrystal and its owner, the owner can react to events which the psicrystal perceives (illustrated in the Initiative bonus above).
Sighted (Ex):
Although it has no physical sensory organs, an implanted psicrystal can telepathically sense its environment as well as a creature with normal vision and hearing. Darkness (even supernatural darkness) is irrelevant, as are areas of supernatural silence, though a psicrystal still can’t discern invisible or ethereal beings. A psicrystal’s sighted range is 80 feet and at 3rd level it shares this trait with its master.
Senses: 120' [1000gp] [Ego+1]
Telepathically sense extended to 120'
Telepathic Speech (Ex): [Ego+1]
If the owner is 5th level or higher, the implanted psicrystal can communicate telepathically with any creature that has a language and is within 60 feet of the psicrystal, and can act as a mindbridge between its owner and the target of telepathic speech - allowing the owner effective use of this ability.
Focused Personality (Ex): [+4 Concentration]
If the owner is 7th level or higher, the implanted psicrystal's personality becomes empowered by its long connection to its master and the bonus granted by the personality shard increases by +1. This increase effects all personalities in an implanted psicrystal.
Power Resistance (Ex): SR/PR 17
If the owner is 11th level or higher, the psicrystal gains power resistance equal to the owner’s level + 5, which also effects the owner. To affect the psicrystal or the owner with a power, another manifester must get a result on a manifester level check that equals or exceeds the psicrystal’s power resistance.
Read Magic (Sp): [At will] [Ego+1]
An intelligent magic item with this ability can read magical writings and scrolls as if through read magic. This ability does not allow the magic item to activate scrolls or other items. An intelligent magic item can suppress and resume this ability as a free action.
Intelligent Item Purpose
Defend a particular race or kind of creature [Elans] [Ego+2]
SKILLS
Skills: A psicrystal has the same skill ranks as its owner,except that it has a minimum of 4 ranks each in Perception and Stealth. (Even if its owner has no ranks in these skills, a psicrystal has 4 ranks in each.) A psicrystal uses its own ability modifiers on skill checks.
The awakened psicrystal learns how to manifest a group of powers as psi-like abilities, with a manifester level equal to ½ its master’s character level (minimum 1). Save DCs are based on Intelligence.
An awakened implanted Psicrystal can choose to manifest any and all psi-like abilities with a target of Personal or You on its master instead of itself, just as if it was using the share power special ability.
On Belt Clip Wayfinder Campos [1200gp] [+2 Survival rolls]
[Can give of light on command]
Slotted Ioun Stone
-:Iridescent Spindle (Ioun Stone Cracked)
This stone grants a +4 competence bonus on Constitution checks to hold your breath. Price: 500 gp.
*Slotted power, Iridescent spindle: Endure elements, [Constant] as the spell, as well as protection against exposure to vacuum and underwater pressure.
-:Incandescent blue sphere: (Ioun Stone Cracked)
This stone grants a +1 competence bonus on one Wisdom-based skill. Price: 200 gp.
*Slotted power, Blind-Fight feat
Five things about her background
1. Lady Dizit Sama has no idea who she/they once where, before the Elan counsel made her/them. She/they have the fine looks of an elf, and they like to think they where a the gifted child of an old noble elf Family. But in truth she/they could have been anyone or thing. Her/there 1st memory is of waking in a crystal box a long time ago now.
2. The Elan Council made Dizit Sama as an experiment, seeking to give elans more power. It worked to a point. They made her/them with an awakened psicystal implanted into her skill. The idea was to improve intelligence but it had a complete copy of her personality. This lead how ever to a side effect, and some problems. She./they find it very hard to distinguish between who is who. After leading to cross points of view, internal arguments and down right fall outs.
3. Tho she/they can read and even control the minds of others, she/they finds it distasteful. They already have two minds add more makes life even harder. There is always some bleed of emotions and thoughts, and she/they can find this confusing at times. She/they tends only to do it when needs must.
4. She/they got her title from the now dead lord and has a small keeps someplace she has not been too in years.
5. She finds extremes of good and evil as just perspectives, gods illogical and at times down right contradictory. But she/they are well disciplined and like things in order, she/they finds Chaos unsettling.
Of take they have taken to working for law enforcement as a investigator and hunter of criminals.
Two Goals
1. To work out once and for all who is who in her own head.
2. To be involved in the world and experience things, to live.
Two Secrets [One known/one unknown]
1. She/they once had another life, one before her Elan life, but she/they have no idea what that was.
2. The Elan Counsel have mind wiped her/them more than once. Using her/them as an agent when needed. They know nothing of this.
Three People [2 friends 1 enemy]
1. Lord Kilvon Lankily, A human noble she likes who she did some investigating for a while ago.
2. Black Heart Reena, I female elf gang boss, who hired The Dizit's once. They got on and have sent some time in each others company.
3. The Orc crime boss/smuggler "Offolrog", Dizit uncovered his undergraund smuggling roots seeking to start a small war, for his own benefit. She/they passed the information to Lord Kilvon, who smashed the attempt. Offolrog has said he will kill who ever told Lord Kilvon.
Three Memories
1. Reading the crazed mind of a Murder, to find a lost child. Walking the madness in his head. She found it hard to focus for days after. The Child was found alive, but only just, she then wiped the girls mind of the horrible events, but not with our living the events from her point of view. This is why Dizit is always careful reading mind now.
2. Standing on a hill, a large Fire Gaint coming at her. Tree club out, a face of teeth, range and anger. She is on instinct lashing out with her/their mind at full power. The massive form stopping as they crushed it mind in a instant. Blood coming from its ears as it fell dead before it hit the ground. Behind it two more stopping and looking at it then her/them and running like hell.
3. A night on the town with Black Heart Reena, getting drunk, Hiring a bard and singing rude songs and into a an epic bar fight. That has the city streets in Chaos for days. Walking up, with hang overs in the city lock up and talking there way out.
