Octave de Malodor's page

*Charges in on horseback, impales Comte de Malodor in the process with a lance, comes to a halt in front of The Riddling Reaver.*

I am here to engage in a duel with the mildewed pond scum that is Octave de Malodor!

Blast your eyes and moisten your dishcloth, Sir Loin! I've taken my hormones, am wearing my truss, and it's not past my bedtime, so BRING IT ON!

A duel with dowels.

Silence! You have impugned the honour of the House of Malodor! I challenge you to a dowel!

Oh! Hello, Wilfred!

Justine! Explain yourself!

Indeed! I would never tolerate an elf with fewer than seven penises.

Quite. Serves me right for ordering from Wish.com.

What's this? Four dicks?

Hold on, hold on. I thought the agency were sending me a Party Elf?!

Well, my boy, Fifi, Mimi, Kiki, Squeaky, Pipi, Sabrina and Gladys are all on their way. Is everything else in readiness for our show at the Depravity Festival Fringe?

AUUUUGH!! ALPHONSE, THEY'RE GOING TO RELEASE THE 'BASILDON TAPES'!!!

They are. How else could she have found out about Sabrina?

And Roxxxy
And Ruby
And Candy
And Yulia
And Aletta
And Khrysthal
And Myighaen
And Versace
And Petal Kitten, etc etc

Porridge?

BEELZEBUB! BEEELZEEEBUUUUB!!!! GET US OUT OF HERE!!!!

Are ya winning, son?

Me!

*I* need a firm Puerto Rican.

*Seethes with jealousy*

If you prefer, I have a halfling stuffed inside a tiefling, stuffed inside a gelugon, stuffed inside a half-fiendish Frost Giant, served with wild rice and quinoa, haricots verts a la Gehenna and roasted artichokes, accompanied by a pleasingly dry white wine from my own vineyards. Please do partake if you wish!

Darling! ow You're looking radiant, as always ow Your bludgeoning technique has improved, I see ow Have you met my new fiancee, Roxxxy?

Ah, Alphonse, my boy, how are you?