Last one to post wins

[Pulg]

Now, had they hired Pulg's Hairy Fairy Power Trio, the music would have been PERFECT.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

I'm more concerned about how the petrol station came up with the logo.

It looks suspiciously like a creature I made last week, only for it to escape through a temporal vortex.

[Wally the Wandering Wanderer]

*Despite the thread being in a perpetual limbo, 3 postcards are delivered to everyone.*

*So far, only the 11th postcard has writing on it. The 12th and 13th postcards have been magically rendered blank.*

*The 11th postcard is entitled "Fortifying Forestry"!*

Hi-ho, Wally Watchers!

We've returned to the land of the Fighting Foresters, only this time there's no evil black knights causing trouble. As such, the forest women and their woodland animal friends are hard at work making their home safe and beautiful again! They've even got some mud people and enchanted trees to help serve as additional protection. With some new problems showing up, it's going to be much needed!

*The scene is of a magnificent forest, filled with green skinned forest women and different types of woodland animals (including unicorns, blue furred wildcats and yellow-furred wolves with red spots), all busy planting and tending to tree saplings, building fortified structures out of wood and dealing with the occasional (and sometimes lost) intruder.*

*Wally is just behind the leftmost tree hut, near the bottom left corner of the image. The Count is having a conversation with one of the enchanted trees. The cat is (unsurprisingly), with her blue furred kin. The knight is currently getting interrogated, and looking very fearful. The mining troll is among a group of forest women, swinging on some vines. The monk of fire is being cautioned bysome mud people. The genie is floating amid the treetops. The triceratops is with the unicorns, and getting special treatment. The superhero is juggling and smashing boulders. The clown is getting some of the wolves to jump through a hoop. The female gymnast is inside the tree hut that Wally is behind. And, from the previous scene, Elvis Presley (one of them, at least) can be seen walking through the trees in the near background.*

[Saucy Saxofon Fairy Pulg]

And what could better liven up perpetual limbo than the sensual, throaty rasp of a gleaming slaxloflone, playing 'Careless Whisper'?

[The when]

A sharp pointed stick to the eye?

[Pulg]

TWO sharp, pointed sticks to the eye!!

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Because people have started talking again, the thread is no longer in a perpetual limbo!

About time too, the memorial wall is already crowded with so many names.

Now, let's examine the 11th postcard!

*Does just that.*

Over by the river, next to an enchanted tree, is Wenda. Woof can be found amid some shrubbery, next to the knight. Looking at the most righthand treetop settlement, you can see Wizard Whitebeard, among some forest women. And Odlaw is with the people swinging on vine (although, he has evidently crashed into a tree). With the star fragment being located inside one of the empty tree huts.

[The when]

Stormrazor: 1d20 + 30 ⇒ (14) + 30 = 441d8 + 5 + 5d8 ⇒ (4) + 5 + (7, 7, 3, 2, 7) = 35

[Pulg]

What a very well shaved storm you have after those rolls.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Indeed, shearing cloudkin is no easy task. Let alone operating a stormrazor with no hands.

[The when]

*

[Comte de Malodor]

**** *** *****. ** *** *** ****? ****!? *** ** ***** & *********!!! **** ***!

[Dedrick, The Professor]

You've got a mouth that's hoping for a soaping, Alphonse!

Now, quit insulting bullfrogs, and place yourself on my operating table!

There's a few things I need to create, and your organs will serve as reagents!

[The when]

*boop*

[Pulg's Fairy Monkeyboard Trio]

Using the Comte's organs for anything more or less guarantees failure. You try playing the 'Toccata and Fugue in Dm' on some wretched aristo's rotten liver.

[The when]

What about the Compte’s electric Wurlitzer collection?

[Pulg]

I'm not sure the Wurlitzer corporation ever sunk to the depths of producing anything the Comte might like to collect.

[Schism Spice]

Every store has a picture of him with a caption that says:
"DO NOT EVER SELL TO THIS PERSON."

[Lady Blackmoor]

Schism, do you want to come with me, Laskcastrakaa, and Bonnie Tyler to see that very pink film based on the song about Cousin Mimi?

[Lashcastrakaa the Man-Flayer]

I AM BOOBY GHOUL,
LIVE IN STAGNANT POOL.
GNAW CADAVERS,
DROOL AND SLAVER

[Schism]

Sure.
Mr. Grinch is taking a break from the heat so I can take off for a little while.

[Mr. Grinch]

Seriously, you're only now taking a break? I gave you leave months ago!

[Dedrick, The Professor]

In the meantime, anyone care to make themselves useful?

I'm harvesting Alphonse's vile organs to make equally vile concoctions.

[Comte de Malodor]

I must say that your Porn Star Livertini was a bit of a masterstroke.

[Schism]

Mr. Grinch wrote:

Seriously, you're only now taking a break? I gave you leave months ago!

I was getting your "Back to School" prank ready.

I know you don't normally do that, but think of all the parents who would be celebrating instead have to scramble their schedules to accommodate kids still being at home.

[The when]

When Win!

[Schism]

Where Win?

[Wally the Wandering Wanderer]

*As Schism looks for the win, and Comte de Malodor is still getting his organs harvested (and his mouth is being washed out by his mother), the 12th postcard stops being blank and is entitled "When the Giants Cause A Way!".*

Fe-fi-fo-fum, Wally fans!

It's back to the Land of the Unfriendly Giants, and they're still causing trouble for the littlefolk! That being said, it looks some of the giants are actually trying to be friendly, though they do seem to not realise about some of the damage that they are doing.

*The scene depicts a classic, rural, medieval style, countryside with people in multicoloured medieval style clothing being attacked by many giants. As the giants go about, smashing things, destroying thatched roofs and spinning windmills, the littlefolk are doing their best at fighting back and have deployed simple yet genius contraptions.*

*Wally is meandering among some trees. The Count can be located in the middle of the scene, at the bottom, helping the giants with their game of human chess. The cat has taken refuge in a giant's hat. The knight was trying to help the people, only to be swatted away by one of the giants. The mining troll is being bullied by some of the people, whom are not aware that one of the friendly giants is behind them. The monk of fire is being used as a human lighter by a giant who is trying to cook. The genie has been caught by the wind created by one of the windmills, and is trying not to be blown away. The triceratops is engaged in a serious game of tug of war with an unfriendly giant. The superhero, by comparison, has successfully put a giant's foot in a noose and is lifting him skyward, amid a cheering crowd. The clown is with some people who have managed to trick a giant into getting splashed by water (causing them to laugh at the giant's misfortune). The female gymnast is teaching some of the giants and the littlefolk some exercises, but it's not going well. Elvis Presley is wooing some of the women (both littlefolk and giants) at a show being held at the village castle. And, from the previous scene, one of the wolves can be seen growling at a giant trying to pluck a tree to use as a flower bouquet.*

[Pulg]

Schism wrote:

Where Win?

It turns into a slightly hairier Win.

[The when]

Dang, I knew I should have pushed this thread completely off the page.

[Schism]

You almost made it!

[Pulg]

Almost made what? Borscht?

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Ah, Schism, how fortunate that I found you! I could use your help.

*Holds aloft, a letter addressed to Vampire Schism.*

If you should see your vampire self, give her this letter. It's from her father, the Count.

*Gives the letter to Schism.*

The usual way of posting the letters isn't working right now.

*Returns to his laboratory, studies the 12th postcard.*

Wenda is partially behind one of the giants trying doing yoga. Woof can be seen (his tail at least)poking out of a giant's pocket. Wizard Whitebeard is among some of the "captured" chess pieces. Odlaw has been swatted away by a giant (for no apparent reason and not the same giant who swatted away the knight). And the star fragment is on a banner, above Elvis Presley.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

And your ninja skills are as impressive as ever, Pulg!

*Pulg is then used by Dowager Comtesse de Malodor, to further wash out her son's mouth.*

Spoiler:

Why she would do that, is anyone's guess.

[The when]

Yes. Made a burrito instead.

[Schism]

Dedrick, The Professor wrote:

Ah, Schism, how fortunate that I found you! I could use your help.

If you should see your vampire self, give her this letter. It's from her father, the Count.

Who is Vampire Schism?

*Shrugs. Leaves letter on Mr. Grinch's workbench.*

[Comte de Malodor]

The when wrote:

Yes. Made a burrito instead.

Rather than having my mouth washed out with Pulg, I was eating that very burrito. 'Burritos don't look like Pulg!', you might say, but this was a vintage, cellar-aged, pork 'n' prawn burrito.

[Mr. Grinch]

Comte de Malodor wrote:

Rather than having my mouth washed out with Pulg, I was eating that very burrito. 'Burritos don't look like Pulg!', you might say, but this was a vintage, cellar-aged, pork 'n' prawn burrito.

I thought they stopped making those about 8000 years ago due to the fact that it causes diabetic hysteria.

*Notices the letter on the workbench.*

Schism, if you needed help, you should have just asked.

*Gives Schism the letter, and provides directions to Castle Heydrich.*

Don't worry about knowing who Vampire Schism is, she'll find you, now go.

[The when]

There is a schism amongst the Schisms.

[Pulg]

Is it about the chrism in the chasm again?

[The when]

A violent 30 year disagreement.

[Schism]

I'm only 19.

[Pulg]

You inherited it from your Auntie Maureen. It looks like a brass coal-scuttle.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Indeed. But the claim is that (despite appearances), it is in fact an antique, hand carved, duck whistle, created and used by the Malodor household to hunt for wild Esquilax made of bone. Rumor has it that, the bone used, came from the tibia of some primordial horror (most likely, the long extinct, hippopoceros).

[Pulg]

It actually came from the dreaded TROM.

[Quiche Lisp]

I see the other contenders are diverting themselves with meek side interests.

Only I continue to seek the Prize - and with such gnomish endurance I shall win the contest and be at last the last one to post.

Hehehehehehe !

[The when]

As it was preordained.

[Pulg]

Or if you're really lucky, preandained.

[Schism]

Predetained.

[Comte de Malodor]

Pre-stained!