RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
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At last night's Paizo chat, the scoundrel Jacobs and the villainous Mona both declared their hatred for the Flumph. That dastardly Jacobs even went so far as to state that the Flumph would likely *never* appear in a Paizo product, to which the wicked Mona declared that the beast "had seen its day, and that day is past."
Nay! Nay I say!
If you believe in the Flumph and wish to see it saved - sign this petition (and pronounce your love for the beast) here, and join Go Flumph Yourself (GoFY).
We are a grassroots coalition of those with superior tastes who wish to see the Flumph, now high on the endangered RPG species list, preserved for future generations. (Like Greenpeace except, you know, less commitment.)
Won't you help us? GoFY needs you!
Join now, and make those evil curs feel the power of our political pressure!
Save the Flumph - AND GO FLUMPH YOURSELF!!!
Director of Brand Strategy
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I am signing both because I think the only LG creature in the 1E Monster Manual, by none other than E. Gary Gygax, deserves to appear in the standard-bearer of his brainchild and because I get an implicit understanding that signing this petition will get me one or all of the "Go Flumph Yourself" bumper sticker, campaign button, or tee shirt at some point down the road.
May the Flumph be with you.
Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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Where's the petition to support their editorial decision? ;-)Sadly, this is where your life becomes conflicted. As Eyebite and I both have you on retainer for our endeavors, you kinda have to support our movement. So, Go Flumph Yourself!
Damnit.
Waitaminute...are flumphs even open content?
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As Chairbadger of the Badgers Ancient Brotherhood (BAB), I feel obligated to express our collective mild sympathy for the creature whose name sounds like a pillow being sucked through a vacuum cleaner, the ever so humble Flumph. We too know the disappointment with being left out of Pathfinder; although we badgers can take heart in knowing we were left out because we were simply too tough for an average adventuring group. (as per a poorly paraphrased misquote by James Jacobs)
As there is often balance to universe, when a tough creature must be left behind, so too must a weakling - and the Flumph is nothing if not poster child for weaksauce.
That is not to say the meek Flumph is not useful. Nay, I say the Flumph has a million and one uses, only 420,001 involve their use as an ingredient in a recipe. For example, Flumphs are:
1. Great to land on after falling from a great height.
2. Spectacular doorstops.
3. Good for one adventure in Dungeon Magazine.
4. Usable as mobile drink coasters.
5. Great replacement pet cats for nearsighted people who don't like to touch cats.
6. Usable as replacement bases in baseball.
7. Two words: toilet snake.
8. Good for a running gag about landing on them from a great height.
9. Great replacements for ducks when determining if someone is a witch.
10. Three words: Floating boogie boards.
It is with mild disinterest that we register our complaint(?) about the extreme disrespect shown to the Flumph. It is our opinion that extreme disrespect is clearly too much effort for Flumphs; a mild dismissal should have been sufficient.
Not even close to sincerely,
Sowhereaminow
Chairbadger, Badgers Ancient Brotherhood (BAB)
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Director of Narrative
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Where's the petition to support their editorial decision? ;-)Sadly, this is where your life becomes conflicted. As Eyebite and I both have you on retainer for our endeavors, you kinda have to support our movement. So, Go Flumph Yourself!Damnit.
Waitaminute...are flumphs even open content?
You're the lawyer.
What the hell are we paying you for anyway?
Never fear, James! I've got things covered over here in Greyhawk; any PFRPG flumphs that show up here, I'll flamestrike and scorching ray and then put out the fire with my mace, then animate them as zombie flumphs so that I can command them to roll into a nearby furnace. And once only ashes are left, I'll turn the furnace up hotter and burn up the ashes.
I'll get all the flumphs that show up over here in Eberron! I can't really behead them with my spiked chain, since they don't really have necks, which is one more good reason to kill them because what self-respecting monster lacks a shapely neck? Instead I'll just trample them into the ground and pile rocks on their flat dead bodies to weigh down their souls so they won't be able to get into heaven.
OHH! ME TOO! ME TOO! I'll take care of them here on Golarion because that's where I live I've never been to Greyhawk but it sounds nice and I don't wanna go to Eberron because that doesn't but as for the flumphs I find here I'll just run them through stabby stabby with something sharp and then when they're dead I'll chop them up into pieces and put them in one of Ezren's nasty salads or gross old-man sandwiches and he'll eat them up without realizing it and then all that's left of the flumphs here will end up otyugh bait. Like they deserve.
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Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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Where's the petition to support their editorial decision? ;-)Sadly, this is where your life becomes conflicted. As Eyebite and I both have you on retainer for our endeavors, you kinda have to support our movement. So, Go Flumph Yourself!Damnit.
Waitaminute...are flumphs even open content?
You're the lawyer.
What the hell are we paying you for anyway?
I wear tight mini-skirts and can frequently be found in the co-ed restroom reeking of desperation and vodka?
Save the Flumph - AND GO FLUMPH YOURSELF!!!
Carbuncles, on the other hand! Might I remind everyone of my continuing campaign to ressurect these noble beasts. Should the flumph-friendly carbuncle party be voted into office, I promise that we will seek equal rights and opportunities for all the Monsters of Suck!
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RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
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Save the Flumph - AND GO FLUMPH YOURSELF!!!Carbuncles, on the other hand! Might I direct your attention to a slightly less hopeless crusade.
We here at GoFY support this sister crusade to save the Carbuncle, however, we will not be denied!
An Accord must be reached between the Golem and the Flumph!
Hell No! The Flumph Can't Go! (and other union-oriented picketline chants.)
Well, it looks like you folks have forced my hand.
In fact, the adventure path right after Kingmakers will be "The Chronicles of the Flumph-o-nauts". This will be a bit of an experiment for us, and we will be rebuilding the old 2e spelljammer setting for the path. The adventure path will explore the deep backstory behind such iconic D&D races as the Giff, Dowhar, and Carbunkle as the players race to stop a Giant Fire-Breathing Sweet-and-Salty Two-Headed Half-Dragon Gninja Hobo NASCAR Space Hamster.
The first Pathfinder Chronicles Book supporting the adventure path will be the Complete Flumphs Handbook, which will provide the details of the elusive Flumph subraces, such as the Ice Flumph, the Fire Flumph, and the always popular, Wood Flumph.
By the time you receive the product, we should already be on an exotic island, counting our money and laughing heartily.
Er...ignore that last part.
The Real Eric Mona
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Director of Brand Strategy
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Save the Flumph - AND GO FLUMPH YOURSELF!!!Carbuncles, on the other hand! Might I remind everyone of my continuing campaign to ressurect these noble beasts. Should the flumph-friendly carbuncle party be voted into office, I promise that we will seek equal rights and opportunities for all the Monsters of Suck!
Try getting a "Misfit Monsters Revisited" on the schedule. These can't be the only two lovable, charity-case beasties to appear in the 30 year history of D&D.
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Never fear, James! I've got things covered over here in Greyhawk; any PFRPG flumphs that show up here, I'll flamestrike and scorching ray and then put out the fire with my mace, then animate them as zombie flumphs so that I can command them to roll into a nearby furnace. And once only ashes are left, I'll turn the furnace up hotter and burn up the ashes.
tangential q....
is that your own personal avvy? I don't think I've seen it before.|
Creative Director
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Wow, seems the GoFY movement has struck a cord with the EiC. Keep up the good work boys! We're wearing them down. Jacobs only has so many sock puppets!
But they're the "Charlie's Angels" of RPGs. They can put on a swimsuit competition to raise funds to finance the anti-flumph league, and if that don't do it, they got heals and spells and stabbyness all covered.
Never fear, James! I've got things covered over here in Greyhawk; any PFRPG flumphs that show up here, I'll flamestrike and scorching ray and then put out the fire with my mace, then animate them as zombie flumphs so that I can command them to roll into a nearby furnace. And once only ashes are left, I'll turn the furnace up hotter and burn up the ashes.
Man, you could just flip 'em over.
Never fear, James! I've got things covered over here in Greyhawk; any PFRPG flumphs that show up here, I'll flamestrike and scorching ray and then put out the fire with my mace, then animate them as zombie flumphs so that I can command them to roll into a nearby furnace. And once only ashes are left, I'll turn the furnace up hotter and burn up the ashes.tangential q....
is that your own personal avvy? I don't think I've seen it before.
It is! It's the avatar I use to post to the Age of Worms journal, but alas, that game's in permanent limbo it appears, so I never get to use this avatar as much as I'd like.
Maybe that should change.
While I think on it, I've got to go do a run through the Hungry Halls up on the hill under the Tower of War—heard a rumor that a flumph's hiding out behind a two-headed statue of Zagig in there. Stupid flumphs.
Never fear, James! I've got things covered over here in Greyhawk; any PFRPG flumphs that show up here, I'll flamestrike and scorching ray and then put out the fire with my mace, then animate them as zombie flumphs so that I can command them to roll into a nearby furnace. And once only ashes are left, I'll turn the furnace up hotter and burn up the ashes.Man, you could just flip 'em over.
Doesn't cause them enough suffering, nor is it as satisfying as fire. Plus, that comes dangerously close to actually touching them. Have you ever smelled a flumph? Not something I want to touch. Ever.
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Wow, seems the GoFY movement has struck a cord with the EiC. Keep up the good work boys! We're wearing them down. Jacobs only has so many sock puppets!But they're the "Charlie's Angels" of RPGs. They can put on a swimsuit competition to raise funds to finance the anti-flumph league, and if that don't do it, they got heals and spells and stabbyness all covered.
I'm still waiting on the Boys of Paizo speedo calendar. :D
"Misfit Monsters Revisited"
Oh ho ho... Interesting.
I'm still waiting on the Boys of Paizo speedo calendar. :D
That shrill ringing you hear way off in the distance. That's me screaming.
That sound will continue forever.
Thanks.
I'm still waiting on the Boys of Paizo speedo calendar. :DThat shrill ringing you hear way off in the distance. That's me screaming.
That sound will continue forever.
Thanks.
This from the one of the guys at paizo who probably looks pretty decent in a speedo.
"Misfit Monsters Revisited"
We're a couple of misfits
We're a couple of misfitsWhat's the matter with misfits
That's where we fit in!
We're not daffy and dilly
Don't go 'round willy nilly
Seems to us kinda silly
That we don't fit in.
We may be different from the rest
Who decides the test
Of what is really best?
We're a couple of misfits
We're a couple of misfits
What's the matter with misfits
That's where we fit in!
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Count me in as another member of Go Flumph Yourself. Silly, yes, Stupid, yes. But how silly does something like an "owlbear" sound to anyone who's not a long-term gamer? You didn't laugh at the idea the first time you heard it?
Flumphs can be saved... as the comic relief, sure, but comic relief is better than oblivion.
Edit: And I liked the Giff, if you're adding in firearms to a campaign. Imagine a Giff spelljammer crash-landing in Alkenstar. You could see the forthcoming explosion from Varisia
...or tee shirt at some point down the road.Ask and you shall receive!O.M.G...
O.o
Speaking of which Butterfroggie ... :)
Speaking of which Butterfroggie ... :)
O.M.G...
O.o
Huh?
PS: Forgot to ad, GO FLUMPH YOURSELF! or frog yourself for that matter :P
Huh?
PS: Forgot to ad, GO FLUMPH YOURSELF! or frog yourself for that matter :P
Yes indeed, FLUMPHS RULE! (as do froggies!)
Butterfrog:
Also needed for celestial mushroom soup.
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The reason that James Jacobs and his cohorts do not want to let you have any flumphs is very simple. They want them all for themselves.
In fact they need them all for themselves, as I shall very shortly explain.
James Jacobs is known to be a Cthulhu fan.
Look at *this* image of Cthulhu, and compare it to *this* image of a flumph. Notice anything? Any similarities?
Yes, that's right, Cthulhu is a pseudonatural, half-dragon, half-fiend, dire-flumph. And that explains just why James Jacobs wants all the flumphs for himself - he is trying to breed his own Cthulhu from flumph seed-stock.
Long and arduous have been the experiments, and at last James Jacobs is nearing success. More urgently than ever, he needs every last flumph which he can lay his hands upon.
The goal is noble, admittedly - James Jacobs and Paizo need a Cthulhu of their own to maintain their secret illuminati grasp in the world-domination stakes. Much of James Jacob's recent commitment to this end has been passed off as 'GenCon preparations', and strange noises have been heard emanating from the Paizo basement; an intern has recently disappeared. Does the excuse that Paizo put about that the intern departed a dream job at Paizo because of mere financial hardship seem credible to you?
And then of course, there was the 'office move', necessitated by the increasing bulk of James Jacob's experiments. Unlike Wizard Whatley, James Jacobs could not remove internal partitions from the building to accomodate his creations. Modern building requirements are a bummer for the ambitious mythos fanatic of this day and age. He needed larger premises, and so Paizo had to move.
Enough is enough; Paizo should not be keeping all this madness to themselves, but should share it with the community. We need the release of flumphs to the Paizo fans to experiment upon, and I have no doubt that with many minds working upon this endeavour, before long the first CR 30+ flumph will rise from the foetid waters, as the world reverberates to the cries of Ia, Cthulhu, Cthulhu ftaghn! I call upon you to support this noble petition and to aid Paizo in their quest to bring about the end of the age of mankind.
While you're saving the flump, here's a few more of it's -not distant enough- relatives.
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm
