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Monkey King, is she using the rules for young characters? They're pretty rough for someone who wants to be heroic but if she wants to be useless, they're pretty much perfect.
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So, I'm happy about being in a new job but I hate all the "mandatory" BS I have to go through before I actually get to do my job.
Two National Guard weekends in a row sucks.
Halloween is coming up. Anything rantworthy?
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Halloween is coming up. Anything rantworthy?
I got one. Halloween costumes for women. Because of course I [expletive deleted] want to be going trick or treating with my eleven year old in Michigan ( hint: it's [expletive deleted[ cold here at the end of October) in a costume that exposes so [expletive deleted] much of my body it makes [expletive deleted] lingerie look modest. Or I will once again be wearing long underwear underneath my [expletive deleted] 'costume' so I don't freeze or look inappropriate around children...why did I buy this [expletive deleted] piece of [expletive deleted] again? Oh yeah, because it was cheaper than sewing a costume....now, that's messed up.
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+2 rant points. I was trying to make my own Han Solo costume but could not find a vest that I liked. So then I decided to just purchase one and the (expletive deleted) thing was not in any of the stores I went to. I ended up ordering it online.
Also, what is the deal with women's Halloween costumes? It's like you aren't allowed to just dress up like a character, it has to be a sexy version of that character. My wife is going as a Stormtrooper and let me just say do not Google "female Stormtrooper" with safe search off.
Ok, so Halloween is over. I have a rant in mind but it's just getting the motivation to type it out. No promises on when it will show up.
Continue waiting.
I blame Cosmo for your paucity and procrastination in posting perfervid and peppery philippics!
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After a long wait, I assure you the wait is over.
RANT INCOMING!!!
Welcome back rant fans! That’s the one I’m going with right…(checks) yup, ok. This is a special rant about a topic that has been grinding my gears for a while now. (BTW, I love that bit from Family Guy but that is another topic for another time). This rant is about The Bad Pun Thread. I (expletive deleted) hate that (expletive deleted) thread. Truth be told, I would not mind it so much if it didn’t have my (expletive deleted) name on it. It is the very antithesis of what I stand for. See, there is this whole thing about branding and I feel I have a certain image to upkeep. But that (expletive deleted) thread is a shining example of everything that I don’t believe in. Why do I hate puns so (expletive deleted) much? I feel the why is not important but I asked the question so I may as well (expletive deleted) provide an answer. To me, Puns are simply plays on words and are by no means clever or smart. Some can be, but most fall short consistently. This is made worse by individuals who feel the necessity to ensure that you get their “joke” by bludgeoning you with the sub-text of their supposed “wit” like when you don’t respond to their “joke” and then they repeat it like half a dozen (expletive deleted) times until you “get it”. Don’t get me wrong, a pun every so often is ok but what has happened is that people feel that they can make a pun and instantly be thought of as clever, funny or dare I say witty. I will be brutally (expletive deleted) honest with you if you think this way, you are none of these things. Here is a good example: What did the duck eat with his soup? Quackers. HA HA HA! Are you laughing yet? No? Why the (expletive deleted) not? Perhaps it is because puns are not funny or is it because this particular pun wasn’t funny? Either way I’m almost certain that I am no more clever, funny or witty than I was before I made that pun. In fact, I’m almost certain that a few of you think less of me for making that pun which brings me to another reason why I hate puns, people will look down upon you as some fool in motley (I’ve been reading a lot of George R. R. Martin recently). Saying a pun will usually cause people to look at you like your (expletive deleted) head is a cantaloupe or some other citrus based fruit. Which then forces you to come to one of two conclusions: 1. You are an unfunny (expletive deleted) or 2. Your “humor” is unappreciated/misunderstood. I assure you that the answer is more often than not #1. Now, I’ve started several threads on this site but I didn’t have anything to do with this (expletive deleted) pun thread and yet my name is on it. I’ve considered asking the PMG to remove my name from it or even seeing if I could get it closed somehow but alas I’m too lazy to do either and instead have been stewing about it for quite some time. In fact every time I think “Finally, that (expletive deleted) thread is off the front page and will be lost to obscurity forever”, some (expletive deleted) comes along and posts in it. Do not worry, I am keeping track and I am reserving a special place in Hell for you along with the child molesters and people who talk at the theater (What no Firefly fans? Heathens!). Whatever, this rant has gone on long enough…and turns out to be the longest rant yet. Just another piece of evidence of how much I hate puns. Rant over.
Tune in next time when I will be ranting about… oh yeah, (expletive deleted) tootsie pops. Well as you can tell, I’m not exactly following the list anymore so who knows what the future may hold.
Rant List:
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
James Bond movies
So, yeah that took a lot longer than I expected. But here it is. Perhaps the return of Langalier the Unfound will spark some creativity.
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Perhaps the return of Langalier the Unfound will spark some creativity.
“Excellent. Now. Do we suspect there may be some kind of connection between Ben Farael and Glory Leafar?”
So, would this be a bad time for me to go post some more puns in your pun thread?
Yes...
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Perhaps the return of Langalier the Unfound will spark some creativity.“Excellent. Now. Do we suspect there may be some kind of connection betweenBenFarael andGloryLeafar?”
Farael is an anagram of Leafar. We have known this for some time now and the only reason no one made a big deal of it was because he was being pretty quiet. Now, he's back and it's someone else's turn to deal with vanquish this foe.
Curse you Limey...if I was keeping better track of rant points I would take them from you. WHY WON'T THAT THREAD DIE???!!!!
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Curse you Limey...if I was keeping better track of rant points I would take them from you. WHY WON'T THAT THREAD DIE???!!!!
BARUTHAAHS 'N' SISTAAHS! Four score and seven years ago I had a dream that so much was owed to so few who had in their hayunds a piece of paper and I wanna ask y'all, will we let the hairy beatnik Renaissance merchant man crush our Vision? Will we let him stop our perfumed Glory from waftin' over the world like some heavenleh blast of Febreze? Will we allow the dead hand of repression to clasp us in its clammy, cheeto-stained jaws? Will we? WILL WE?
No, No, No! Baruthaahs 'n' Sistaahs, I want you all to link arms, place a delicate flowah in the button hole of the Policeman standing in front of you and SING WITH MEH!
"OOOOH, WE WILL OFFER PU-HU-HUNS. WE WILL OFFER PU-HU-HUNS. WE WILL OFFER PUNS, TOOO-DAY-YAY-YAY-YAY-YAY" (ad nauseum)
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Farael is an anagram of Leafar. We have known this for some time now and the only reason no one made a big deal of it was because he was being pretty quiet. Now, he's back and it's someone else's turn toPerhaps the return of Langalier the Unfound will spark some creativity.“Excellent. Now. Do we suspect there may be some kind of connection betweenBenFarael andGloryLeafar?”deal withvanquish this foe.
"Wait, wait, wait. Ben Farael? At Glory's Leafar's? You're saying all this time he's been subletting from him?"
That is exactly what I'm saying.
{pokes Farael with a stick}
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{pokes Farael with a stick}
Leafar told them, "But now they are blacker than soot; they are not recognized in the streets. Their skin has shriveled on their bones; it has become as dry as a stick." ~Book of Leafar 4:8
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{pokes Farael with a stick}Leafar told them, "But now they are blacker than soot; they are not recognized in the streets. Their skin has shriveled on their bones; it has become as dry as a stick." ~Book of Leafar 4:8
"Place egg yolks and 1 teaspoon water in a medium mixing bowl and whisk until mixture lightens in color, approximately 1 to 2 minutes. Add the sugar and whisk for another 30 seconds." ~ Good Eats, episode EA1H01: "Hittin' the Sauce"
{pokes Farael with a stick}Leafar told them, "But now they are blacker than soot; they are not recognized in the streets. Their skin has shriveled on their bones; it has become as dry as a stick." ~Book of Leafar 4:8
I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
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Then Leafar said, "Give to the Emperor what is the Emperor's, and give to the Lights what is the Lights." And they all marveled at what he said. ~Book of Leafar 7:11
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I had a sneaking suspicion, so I looked in the archives, and, as near as I can tell, I invented the Book of Leafar on February 2, 2012 at 2:23 in the morning.
I'm not quite sure if I am bragging or apologizing.
All hail Leafar!
I had a sneaking suspicion, so I looked in the archives, and, as near as I can tell, I invented the Book of Leafar on February 2, 2012 at 2:23 in the morning.
I'm not quite sure if I am bragging or apologizing.
All hail Leafar!
It will be revealed that Leafar gave his life so that others may live. Then he became one with the Lights and returned. He will appear again on 12/21/2014 on this world. The Lights touch all worlds, even this one. He died only to be born again. I am not Leafar, but I speak in his name to all who will listen.
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*turns off the Lights*
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*eats Farael once the lights are off*
*eats Farael once the lights are off*
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the Dark One who can destroy both soul and body in the Hells. ~ Book of Leafar 10:28
I'm afraid I must insist that you leave.
I'm afraid I must insist that you leave.
And we said to the Lights, "The boy cannot leave his father; if he leaves him, his father will die." ~Book of Creation 44:22
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"There... Are... Four... Lights!" ~Captain Picard's Log, S06:E11
"There... Are... Four... Lights!" ~Captain Picard's Log, S06:E11
Incorrect. There are countless Lights; its like numbering the stars. Also, who is Urizen and why are you his acolyte?
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"There... Are... Four... Lights!" ~Captain Picard's Log, S06:E11Incorrect. There are countless Lights; its like numbering the stars. Also, who is Urizen and why are you his acolyte?
Urizen is the opposite of Ufahlen.
I'm afraid I must insist that you leave.And we said to the Lights, "The boy cannot leave his father; if he leaves him, his father will die." ~Book of Creation 44:22
Now you are being rude. If there is one thing I cannot abide by is rudeness. Please take your religious propaganda elsewhere.
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Letter from the Leviathans 02:23
God says: "Dont swim the chicken" 01:30
Tesselationians V:II1 .005 01:45
Light 10:19
Jesus heals some Geezer 00:07
David Koresh will rise again as its written in the Bibble 08:44
Rex Dominicus Dongelus 07:06
Batle of Jericho 00:29
S*@&tin Upon Thine 1940s 00:48
And Jesus answered them, “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith anddo not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. 08:26
Oh, my LORD; What 00:31
In the Hall of the Baest 01:10
]Unmbral Ultimattum] 02:41
Untitled _:_6 02:01
No 00:22
Africa Mission Alliance 01:11
Dark 08:31
Don't Put Trees in your Home, you F!*$ing Idiot Leviathan 00:16
23 Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” 01:33
24 When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number. 25 And he went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria. 00:05
OMEGASIS 9:13 THE LORD SPOKE, Love One Another As Equals 20:35
Stupendous Sphrapnel Slaps Sally: The LORD Watches On, Chortling 01:43
Jesus Slaps the Bacon 01:55
Ah yeeeesssss, the new album from Aximaelstrom is out! I need to tell Ambrosia, we've been looking forward to it, yeeesssss. Appreciate the leak, Gark.
Some news that might cheer up JMD031.
Chinese Government moves to ban puns (on broadcast media)
They've already taken the Grass Mud Horse song off Youtube. OH NO!!!
Are you comparing me to the Chinese Government?
Are you comparing me to the Chinese Government?
Perhaps more like Chinese Democracy. ;)
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Are you comparing me to the Chinese Government?
Not at all, but I am comparing you to the Chin-Ease Groovy Mint, a disco themed breath sweetener which also helps lubricate and protect the area between mouth and throat if you dribble enough. Not sure why.
I just thought you needed to know that somewhere, a pun-free oasis exists where you can water your spiritual camel without being tormented by paragraphs like the above.
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The pun thread continues...
Lol, one of Farael's aliases is "Leafer the Light".