Mr. Pilkington, Philosoraptor's page

The CIA killed off all the birds long ago. The current bird-like objects are spy drones. The internet says so. You can also buy merch.

The bird-objects are drones ... but not under humanity's control. They are the advance scouts for the return of the dinosaur races, who evacuated offplanet to wait out that whole asteroid mess.

The Millennium Fulcrum, however, was designed by Jar Jar Archimedes.

The whole thing was in my car so pants weren't required.

I guess technically you were wearing the car as your pants. Which is a pretty damn American thing to do.

At this point it's starting to look like an experiment. Like some angry, vengeful toddler god is just poking humanity and poking humanity and poking humanity... until finally we snap.

Do you suppose the people who get wished into the cornfield are at least warmer there?

"Gatsby had extreme psychopathic tendies."

How do know if your chicken tenders are psychopathic? Do they taste different?

Edit: Nuts. Dang ninja angels.

Well for my job I am currently still waiting on my replacement who has been bare minimum 15 minutes later every day for the last month so :(

If you keep arriving cumulatively later for long enough, eventually you start arriving early?

I have demonstrated to many people today that you can operate a touch screen with a banana.

Its a fun party trick.

Yeah, but fingers are cheaper. A banana costs what, $10 each?

I wonder if the rest of the office staff would organize some form of danegeld to keep Jason and his raiders at bay.

That would be unwise.

Gary Teter wrote:

10th epoch

"Your fair maiden," said Mareshka. "That will damp him . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "

Did the bot actually put in that many periods? It must really like dramatic pauses.

Ooo, unstoppable force vs immovable object: Is there a bot trained to be so scene-chewingly overdramatic (i.e. ShatBot) that not even the Shat himself can talk it into self-destructing?

It turns out asphalted shoes are slightly slippery on asphalt, so the plan is to wear my shoes on a rainy day, dangle a stuffed animal in front of the dog and see if I can't shoe surf as he pulls me along by his leash.

Can you just buy a pair of shoes several sizes larger and wear them over your newfangled asphalt shoes?

Also, "asphalt shoes" sounds like Mark Hamill's Joker mobster-buried you under a newly paved road and then put up a little sign to commemorate it.

Do Technomantic Flumphs Dream of Electronic Waffles?

And all the existing classes have small arms proficiency, in any case.

There's a T-Rex joke in there somewhere.

---

I really like Quig, he reminds me a bit of Farscape's Chiana in being an inquisitive, highly impulsive, pragmatic survivor. Hopefully, he'll soon add a "cupholder" to his DRD drone 1812 Scout for Chk Chk's cradle-jar.

Iammars wrote:

Mike Selinker wrote:

P.S. The way to tell Wes and Sutter apart is that Wes isn't the one riding naked through Fremont.

Wait, what?

It is known.

Sutter also doesn't get snowed in/trapped at the office (or if he has, he's bribed/threatened everyone not to speak of it).

I blame Cosmo that I can't get the phrase "James Baxter" out of my head.

Chryssalid wrote:

~pops up and attacks Sharoth~

~screams like a little girl (dragon), then stomps the bug~

{puffs on pipe} I zee. Und how does sat make you veel, Herr Dragon? Vat azpeckt of your pzyche "bugs" you zo?

Aren't you really only tryink to hurt yourzelf? {scribbles note: "Very crazy. Make sure he has a fat insurance policy." }

PLASMA BLADE!!!!

Hmmm... five robot Yesterdays that combine into Yestertron, Defender of the FaWtLverse?

The dinosaur aliens* from the short story, and later Outer Limits TV episode, "Think Like a Dinosaur" (huge spoilers)

* If they did pop-up in Starfinder, they should really be named after Jacobsaurus Rex himself.

He's developing a new hybrid of tyrannosaur that gains a stegosaurus spiked tail and replaces the puny arms with utahraptor jaws.

Inner Sea Dinosaurs

Mr. Jacobsaur is writing the script, and any on-set re-writes, for Jurassic World II: To Serve Man.

Spoiler 1: The dinos win. Chris Pratt is delicious after a nice marinate and slow cooking.

Spoiler 2: The artificial butter served on the popcorn during the premiere will contain a modified retrovirus that rewrites dino DNA into the consumer's own.

This thread transformed into a FaWTL variant so quickly, I hardly even noticed it.

Arachnofiend wrote:

Okay, I can't believe I haven't thought to ask this until now, but...

Can a Geokineticist spontaneously create giant statues of themselves? This is definitely the most important aspect of the class-no, the entire book.

Note to Self: Make the earth elementals my geokineticist summons shaped as statues of my character.

Addendum: Be thankful Alain is a cavalier and not a geokineticist.

Mark Moreland wrote:

We have not had interns for almost a year. After what happened to the last few, we deemed it an inefficient investment. Now the warehouse raptors are too full for interns; they'd have nowhere to put them!

So then, I guess, by virtue of 'not having interns' then the answer is 'yes, the interns have been behaving'. :P

Ah, the ol' "The (raptor) feedings will continue until (the interns') morale improves" ploy.

After all they postulated the definition of grimdark

Grimdark was my favorite of the cartoon Dinobots.

When you're a dinosaur, you have to keep both eyes on pirates at all times.

I blame Cosmo that no one has blamed Cosmo since yesterday.

I demand that the members of the staff, personally, recover every copy of the bestiary, apologize, and deliver every subscriber a new one with this errata corrected, showing that Raptors has a flight speed. It would be nice if they also add to the package a sweet picture of a Velociraptor and a Deinonychus in a playground, using their videoconsoles (In XXII Century, everybody knows that young velociraptors had nintendos back in the early cretaceous)

{finishes tapping on keyboard} I've scheduled a rush delivery that should arrive for you this afternoon. We apologize for not having access to time-traveling technology in order to foresee such discoveries in real world palaeontology. Thank you for your patience, and please wait where you are, as our Director—Mr. Treerazer himself—will be personally stopping by to take you to lunch.

Only two posts? I guess taking all the world's blame in exchange for getting kitsune as a PFS race was TOTALLY worth it.

Well, maybe you can intern for the Krampus and fill in when he takes a vacation?

Liz Courts wrote:

Katina whispers: You're the chosen one...

The level of amusement stemming from this greatly depends on who she's whispering this to...

The next doughnut to be eaten? The next cave raptor to be awoken from the clone tanks? Puppet Wes Schneider?

Found both the key for the door AND a workaround to a problem I was having with the blue tooth keyboard in Microsoft Office Mobile. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

{watches Freehold figure out the door lock} Clever girl.

Lamontius wrote:

so who is going to tell robot chris that a thesaurus is not actually a dinosaur

not it

Actually, the thesaurus was a dinoaur, Achillobator logorrhea. It would silently stalk its prey, chase and herd it into a cul-de-sac, and then use it's scores of viscous teeth to... talk the prey to death! {shudders at the savagery}

OK, I can accept the typo/misspelling of "dinoaur", but viscous instead of vicious?! Geez... I wonder what is in this cup of tea? I thought that barista looked suspiciously like a pugwampi... COSMO! {shakes claw}

so who is going to tell robot chris that a thesaurus is not actually a dinosaur

not it

Actually, the thesaurus was a dinoaur, Achillobator logorrhea. It would silently stalk its prey, chase and herd it into a cul-de-sac, and then use it's scores of viscous teeth to... talk the prey to death! {shudders at the savagery}

Chris Lambertz wrote:

I blame Cosmo because I don't have a t-rex with a spoiler.

This is the first post for which I am truly sorry. You deserve that T-rex with a spoiler.

Nah, spoilers are gateway customizations... pretty soon, you'll be tempted to give your T-Rex neon undercarriage lights and adjustable hydraulic suspension.

I blame Xzibit for putting more Cosmos inside Cosmo so I can be afraid of clowns while I'm being afraid of clowns.

Are you the type of individual that would put a sticker in the rear window of his car?

Interns can fly as checked baggage, right? :)

Paizo cave raptors are not bound by your silly human notions of size.

Or locked doors. {puffs on pipe}

And a rogues gallery, like Always Sunny Woman or Bright Side or The Optimist.

Frosty Britches

If hundreds of physicists saw the Higgs-Boson,

does that make it a mass sighting?

Good show, old bean! And my, aren't you devilishly handsome?

{pops in, leaves book on table by the door} Oh hello, if anyone sees Dr. Lector, please let him know I returned his book. I found the Advanced Racial Cookbook just full of wonderful ideas.

I have to get back home. I have a nice braised gnome au vin that should be ready in about a half hour.

After all, this is what the Race Cooking section is for. Beef up your kobolds!

So that's what I was doing wrong... {secures lid on slow-cooking kobolds, heads to store for oxtail and beef stock}

Savannah Broadway wrote:

...Also, I don't think they'll unleash the raptors until after PaizoCon. Maybe. I hope...

Fortunately for you I don't think they know how to use doors yet.

...I don't think so at any rate... Who knows what eldritch forces are at work beyond the Great Door?

No no, doors completely stump us. You're totally safe. Relax. No danger at all. {continues reading Paizo's Advanced Racial Cookbook}

You could resolve all of those problems, Doodlebug, if you drove an 18-wheeler with a giant Green Goblin head on the front. And played AC/DC really loud.

Yes, I hope nothing has happened to him.

His work here complete, he ascended unto a higher plane, much like IssacX.