The Official JMD031 Rant Thread


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Free stuff is good.


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Bees just got added to the list.


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In fact, I'm going to rant about them now since I'm pretty angry at bees.

RANT INCOMING!!!!


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SPECIAL EDITION RANT!!!! Ok, so this rant is going out of the order I’ve already set but it’s ok because today while I was mowing my lawn I was attacked by some malicious (expletive deleted) bees. To start things off, I’m going to quote the terrible comedian, Dane Cook, by saying “(expletive deleted) bees!” Seriously, bees can get a spoon so they can (expletive deleted) eat my (expletive deleted) while they choke on the (expletive deleted) that comes out of my (expletive deleted). (Expletive deleted) bees! I would like to punch every (expletive deleted) bee in the face. I would just line them up and just start punching until I punched every last (expletive deleted) one of them. And I would especially like to punch the Queen Bee. That fat, ugly (expletive deleted) needs to get punched so hard that it inverts into itself and becomes an entirely new insect. I’m really angry at (expletive deleted) bees right now. Seriously, what the (expletive deleted)! All I was doing as mowing my yard and these (expletive deleted) insects come around and start stinging the ever-living (expletive deleted) out of me. Now some of you (expletive deleted) tree hugging people might make some comment about how I deserved it because I obviously did something to the bees. Well guess what? I DID NOTHING TO PROVOKE THIS. Stupid (expletive deleted) bees. Now maybe when I was mowing I got a little close to their hive or nest or what the (expletive deleted) ever, but that doesn’t mean I deserved to get (expletive deleted) stung a bunch of times by some (expletive deleted) bees. (EXPLETIVE DELETED) BEES! I don’t think I can say that enough, except I think I just did. So, this rant will come to a close and I would like to end it by going over the highlights of this rant. Number 1: (Expletive deleted) bees! Number 2: Bees should be punched in the face. That is all.

I hope you enjoyed this special edition rant. I will return you to your regularly scheduled rant schedule. The next rant will be about…People who talk in netspeak.

Liberty's Edge

"Bees suck!"

But honestly I think yellowjackets are far worse. 1. Their sting is more painful than bees. 2. They can sting multiple times and not die. 3. They are more aggressive than hornets AND bees AND wasps combined. 4. They are more plentiful than hornets and wasps. 5. They are attracted to human food and sweat.

Seriously, [expletive deleted] yellowjackets!

edit: Also I remember one time the dog got into a yellowjacket nest, and they kept following her and burrowing into her fur and stinging and biting her over and over (something like a hundred of them) so we had to throw her into a lake. Once yellowjackets get your scent, it's hell.


I believe this relevant to your interests, JMD.

Liberty's Edge

Orthos wrote:
I believe this relevant to your interests, JMD.

Yeah looks like those dudes were trying to establish a new hive. They're actually not aggressive at all when they're doing that. I remember riding through a cloud of bees as it streamed across a road to this gnarly old oak.

BEE EDUCATED

Liberty's Edge

In other bee threads.


Gark the Goblin wrote:
Orthos wrote:
I believe this relevant to your interests, JMD.

Yeah looks like those dudes were trying to establish a new hive. They're actually not aggressive at all when they're doing that. I remember riding through a cloud of bees as it streamed across a road to this gnarly old oak.

BEE EDUCATED

Yeah it gets mentioned a few times through the thread.

No less hilarious/awesome though.


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Gark the Goblin wrote:

"Bees suck!"

But honestly I think yellowjackets are far worse. 1. Their sting is more painful than bees. 2. They can sting multiple times and not die. 3. They are more aggressive than hornets AND bees AND wasps combined. 4. They are more plentiful than hornets and wasps. 5. They are attracted to human food and sweat.

Seriously, [expletive deleted] yellowjackets!

edit: Also I remember one time the dog got into a yellowjacket nest, and they kept following her and burrowing into her fur and stinging and biting her over and over (something like a hundred of them) so we had to throw her into a lake. Once yellowjackets get your scent, it's hell.

These might have been Yellowjackets. I am not sure as I am not a nature show host. I found a stinger hanging in my arm as I ripped the (expletive deleted) off of me and it was curved so who knows.

Liberty's Edge

If there's a stinger hanging out of your arm it was probably bee2.

I'm not a nature show host I just take apian-type critters SERIOUSLY.


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Bees continue to anger me due to the itchiness of the stings.


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I'm considering making an alias called "Rantman".


You need a goblin sidekick named Kvetch.

Scarab Sages

And a rogues gallery, like Always Sunny Woman or Bright Side or The Optimist.


Eh.

Dark Archive

I think between us we can come up with a peanut gallery worthy of MST3K.


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I have not gotten around to making an alias named Rantman.


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Someone already has the alias of Rantman. :(


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I'm guessing I need to do a new rant soon as no one but me has replied to this thread in a couple of days.


I agree.


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Hmmm... Rant As Intended (RAI) vs. Rant As Written (RAW)?


I would rant but I lack energy... Also I don't get upset very easily. I enjoy reading yours however.


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Why does it seem like I have way too many things to do in a day? I'll try to get a rant done by this weekend.


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The hardest part about coming up with a rant is having the time to do so.


Time, time, everywhere a time
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun, losing my mind
do this don't do that can't you read the time


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Now I have that stupid song in my head...but I can only remember part of it. "There is a season turn, turn, turn...There is a reason, turn, turn, turn."


To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time of war, a time of peace
A time of love, a time of hate
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time of peace, I swear it's not too late!


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Thanks. I needed that.


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Wow, I became super busy this weekend. I'm hoping to have some time this week. NO GUARANTEES.


Ok mini rant: [expletive deleted!] Gastro bugs! Who needs them? What are they for? Hmm. Maybe the [expletive deleted!] bugs should just take a hike to the [expletive deleted!] Antarctic or something! You can work away for 2 and a half years minding your own [expletive deleted!] buisness and never have a bug go through the family... Take an [expletive deleted!] beach holiday and bam! Your all suddenly [expletive deleted!] hurling last nights [expletive deleted!] all over the [expletive deleted!] cabin floor! And on that note I'll leave you with that image...

despite the sickness it was still not a terrible trip.


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Pretty terrible day. But I'll probably not have the time to make a rant today.


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Working on a rant right now. I'll hopefully have it done by tomorrow.


Don't forget to wipe and wash your hands after you're done.


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Still working on the rant...

Liberty's Edge

...loading...


Gark the Goblin wrote:
...loading...

Made me laugh, cheers :)

Liberty's Edge

ok now that jmd is out of the way i have come to Rant about improper capitalisation. A lot of people quickly dismiss my corrections with "chill out dude it's a Chat Medium." But they are wrong. Why are they wrong? Well, let me tell you why they are wrong. They are wrong because they are incorrect. The first rule to capitalisation is to NEVER begin a sentence with a lower capital. You got to have something high-altitude like Lima. If it's something like Lousiana, your sentence is going to be commuted to something like life. And that's terrible. We need to stop life whenever we can. Wait, was that just there too political? Let me assure you, my rants will never be political in nature. Ranting about politics is universally unpopular. It's much better to rant about the dog who shat on your lawn, or the english teacher who forced you to spell colour "color." I mean, they're supposed to teach English, not American. Not that anyone's ever done that to me. Maybe I'll make a little plot of this. So three kids; one is in a separate universe, one is in North America, and the other lives in Brazil. They get this game in the computer, a free download from Skeiegnat. fupaPhisisist (he has a problem with spelling) contacts his friend Glamurio. "Hey," he says. "Maybe we should play this game. Glamurio is okay with this. She says, "all right dude let me set up the server." fupaPhisicist is confused. "I don't want you to serve me! Just play the game." Glamurio explains that he is dumb. Then he tells her that she is dumb. Then she drops a large object on his head, and a meteor lands on her house. Those poor doomed sessions. This concludes the plot intermission. Back to ranting. I think I was rating about dogs? Sometimes, these [expletive deleted] dogs get the idea that this really [expletive deleted] smelly thing is good to roll in. Just a few weeks ago I was walking the [expletive deleted] dog, and he stops and starts sniffing this piece of [expletive deleted]. I reason that it's okay for a dog to sniff a piece of [expletive deleted] now and then. Gotta let him live his life. Then he starts [expletive] rolling in it. "Dude, that is not okay." I tell him to cut it out. Eventually I have to drag him away from it. [Expletive deleted.]


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Gark, your rants always entertain. I'm going to have to start doing the South Park bit about you "taking my job".


You should rant about why you are suffering from performance anxiety. You obviously cannot perform a full-fledged rant.

Liberty's Edge

Just post what you have now, we won't judge.*

Spoiler:
*lies


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:-(

Liberty's Edge

:?

Spoiler:
Just kidding about the lies!


I still miss Leafar.


Don't we all . . .


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RANT INCOMING!!!!!


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Welcome back rant fans! This rant will be about people who talk in netspeak. We all know these (expletive deleted). They are the ones who are all like “L O L!” or “O M G!” and use it in everyday language. Like people are stupid enough that we have to go around sprouting off (expletive deleted) catch phrases like a third rate sidekick in a teen movie. It’s bad enough to read these things on the internet and to try to figure out what on God’s green earth they are supposed to mean but to use them in everyday language is just (expletive deleted) stupid and lazy. Where did this decline in our language come from? What I will lovingly refer to as the (expletive deleted) “WoW generation”. These individuals are the immature little (expletive deleted) who spend most of their day when they are not in school playing WoW. Nobody talks in this manner. And if you do know someone who speaks in this manner you should immediately punch them in the (expletive deleted). No questions asked. Just straight up punch them in the (expletive deleted). Keep in mind that (expletive deleted) is gender neutral. Man, it would be really funny to see someone getting punched in their (expletive deleted). It’s too bad that you couldn’t show that (expletive deleted) on YouTube. Because then you could then search for all of the people who make comments in the comments section as future people who get punched in their (expletive deleted). Bunch of (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted). Wow…why did I all of the sudden start talking about punching people in the (expletive deleted)? Oh yeah, because of stupid (expletive deleted) people who talk use words like “ROTFLMAO”. Seriously, I would punch every one of these (expletive deleted) right in the (expletive deleted). Now, I’m going in circles so Rant over.

Join me next time when I rant about…Telemarketers. Man those guys really (expletive deleted) me off


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Updated rant list.

Telemarketers.
Those jackanape "debt collectors" that mistake you for some one else - as if you have any more money that the guy who shirked on the "debt" the jackanapes are now determined that YOU owe them for.
Spam that the e-mail filters fail to catch. Or spam that cleverly dodges the nets during its annual spawning runs up long Alaskan rivers. Or both.
Why Gruumash is so Awesome?
Purple People Eaters
Pushy Monkey Kings
Canadians
Ginger Gnomes
Hot Weather
Power Outages
“Performance Anxiety”

Liberty's Edge

woo


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That's it...

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