For some reason, all I took in there were the words 'butt' and 'skin-tight polyester pants'
Then again, some people can get away with skin-tight polyester pants, and some can't, Queen Victoria being one of the former.
Captain Yesterday, Boob Brained wrote:
Or the ones you find out in the woods, with True Confessions and Letters that are Definitely from Actual Female Readers, which you read for the articles, of course.
So all those surreptitiously imported Scandinavian films I watched were documentaries after all!
Mnyes, 'by accident' It said on the script: 'You are the plumber', or perhaps 'You are the Beef and Oyster Pie Delivery Boy'
Then it said 'Enter without knocking', although I may have got that mixed up with a slightly later stage direction.
The next poster, a member of the Dirty Old British Board of Film Classification, would like to tell the director where cuts will have to be made in the name of public decency.
Oooooh, four and twenty virgins came to Last One To Post,
Todd, The Hellish Janitor, placed both hands on his broom,
Singing bears to your partner, tickle a golem's balls,
I also found a reprint of a 1890s-1900s shagger's guidebook called 'The Horn Book', which contained some relatively sensible techniques, some rather silly ones - 'Dog-Style Flying', 'The Sharpshooter' (where you stand over the other side of the room, and...), and 'The Herculean Feat' (Ohh, clean out my stables, you magnificent he-beast!!) - and some extremely silly ones, like 'The Wheelbarrow', where the female partner grips a little stool with castors on the bottom or a stick with wheels on each end, apparently, and the male partner picks her up by the legs and trundles her about while busily doing the Necessary.
If anyone feels sufficiently adventurous to give this a go, please do let me know how you get on, though you're paying your own hospital bills.
Foolishly Patriotic 'Murican wrote:
What sort of dashed cad eats gravy for bally breakfast, by George?!
Cliche British Guy Sipping Tea wrote:
A floxey moxey.
... hanging around with a Cyprian, a Dolly-Mop and a Demi-Mondaine, eh? Haw haw!
captain yesterday wrote:
Nice work if you can get it. Haw haw!
And today we mourn Kajehase's DVD player, which gave up the ghost at the advanced age of 15 after a long and much-appreciated life serving its owner with a steady stream of entertainment.
*Stands to attention and salutes as
Rosita the Riveter wrote:
The plot for my next moving picture production appears to have just written itself! Haw haw!
(NB: Lose the clowns. And the chicken)