The Next Poster...


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It's a metaphore for my life. There are many horrible reasons I want to keep realism out of these games.

The next poster will thank me because I rectified all such reasons.


You wrecked my what? And I'm supposed to thank you?

The next poster writes Hallmark-esque "@#$& You!" cards and will share a poem.


Ha ha, you thing, you have come last
In this great game of life.
Keith has got your bank details
And I have f+!#ed your wife.

The next poster will wreak vengeance on Keith.


The Dudemeister has wronged me, and I shall have my revenge!

The next poster will help me, but only if I help in getting revenge on another Scrubs character...


I would hear the Evil Janitor scream...

The next poster knows just to do with that mop of his...

Scarab Sages

I now pronounce you...Pulg and wife!

The next poster knows happened to the real Cleric who was supposed to officiate at the ceremony.


<burp> What? I was hungry.

The next poster is a model citizen...in a very bad, bad land.


I am the Essence of Malodoria. All your housemaids are belong to me.

The next poster has a novel solution to the Servant Problem.


Which Servant Problem are we talking about?

Too few? Make novelists moonlight as servants
Too many? Excess servant wait on novelists
Underpaid? royalties from successful novelists taxed to give servants a raise.
Overpaid? excess servant revenue goes to buttress unsuccessful novelists' royalties.
Stuck in an alternate dimension? Hire novelists to think of ways to get them back.

I think I covered all of them.

The next poster, as a novelist, has something (novel, obviously) to say about my novel ideas.


Blend the novelists and their works into a nutritious slurry to feed to your packs of vicious hounds and other on-site predators.

I happen to have a blender that will accommodate five novelists in my kitchen, should the need arise.

The next poster has a recipe for a delicious fruit smoothie that contains less human flesh than you might think!


The secret is locally-sourced Princess extract. It’s the secret ingredient in many of my recipes!

The next poster is a local princess extract supplier.


Yes. That's what it is - 'Extract of Princess'. Yes, definitely. Ignore the oddly ammonial smell.

The next poster is a Handsome Plinth.


Why, thank you! And I believe you've met the twins: Megalith and Monolith.

The next poster knows the real purpose of Stonehenge!

Scarab Sages

If you look real closely, each of the menhirs has...a CLOSET!

Look! I'm In this one!

No, no, I'm over here!

No, not there! I'm over In this one...!

The next poster has recently been appointed Shogun of the Neighborhood of Make-Believe!


and they WILL believe!

The next poster is an alumnus of the neighborhood.


I left because of all the Meowdy meow meow. Cats don't talk like that!

The next poster has a fear of Barny.


That's because he's not a guy in a costume singing songs. Oh no, he's a real purple dinosaur and he 1) ate a guy 2) is slowly digesting him (like the Sarlacc) 3) is forcing that guy to dance and sing songs while being digested!

And your post about Barney was 6066. illuminati confirmed.

The next poster has an interesting conspiracy theory. queue the X-Files theme

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Card Game, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

If I were to tell you the theory, crocodiles in the sewers, mothmen, the New Jersey Devil, Bigfoot, the illuminati, stonemasons, project mk ultra, the new world order, Teletubbies and GoatToucher would draw straws to see who gets to do despicable things to my corpse. F that, on the slim chance GoatToucher draws the short straw.

The next poster has an uninteresting conspiracy theory.


Chickens are actually elderly eggs, but the Hidden Masters have concealed this truth for years.

The next poster has seen the Count of St. Germain working in Starbucks, and can prove it.

Scarab Sages

My Frappuccino smells of elderberries!

The next poster communicates with the dead...via Twitter!


#deadlookonfleek #soulessforthewin

The next poster isn't happy with the service they have received.


Sliska Zafir wrote:

... F that, on the slim chance GoatToucher draws the short straw.

Yes. You wouldn't really be "allowed to die" per se.

Not for some time.

Goblinbane wrote:


The next poster isn't happy with the service they have received.

Certainly not. I asked for this drink without lemon!

The next poster will wreak a grim and thematically appropriate vengeance upon those who have dared to cross me.

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.

He asked for a couple of ice cubes for his drink...but I only gave him ONE!

The next poster will inflict a fitting final fate upon World of Warcraft.


The last expansion has all of the remaining leaders die and the PCs forced to spend their days as bored rulers who must make constant rulings on incredibly boring matters. No more adventures or fights remain.

The next poster would play that for at least a week.

Sovereign Court

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Hey, sounds like the perfect end of the game patch/expansion to me!

The next poster has some new suggestions for possible allied races.

Scarab Sages

I said it then, I'll say it now: Nerubians.

The next poster can conjure and command giant scorpions, and will name 4 things that they can be used for other than combat.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. Interpretive Dance
2. Communicating in Semaphore Code
3. Scaring Stan. Not that Stan, the other Stan
4. Tilling fields

The next poster has more ways to scare Stan.


I do. I really do.

The next poster is helping Stan work through this.


Yes, Stan, that's it... Remember he's not real... Remember it's all an illusion... Remember you will rob the bank today at four... Remember he cannot hurt you...

The next person understands why it's a blindfold kick back type of a game. Whereas you look left and they fall right. It's a they-think you-think you don't know where you take your time, wait your turn, and hang them up, and out to dry.


I know, but you know and I don't have to explain it to you.

The next poster knows the true meaning of the midwinter feast.


ROOP PROOPY PROOPY PROO! PROOP PROOPITY PROOPROOPROO! PRAPRAPRAPRAAA! PRAPRAPRAPRAAA! PRA PRA PRAPRAPRA PROOPROO PROO! PROO! PROO!

The next poster is sitting on their presents to try and make them hatch.


Any day now...

The next poster is sleeping. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


1 person marked this as a favorite.

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*dreams that the next poster is riding a banana and wielding a jousting lance made of Twizzlers*


1 person marked this as a favorite.

*Wakes up. Is still riding a banana and wielding a lance made of twizzlers*

The next poster is responsible for maintaining the Wall of Sleep.


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The wall is impenetrable

The next poster haunts other posters dreams.


AM TARDIGRADE! BRAIN MADE OF WATER! NEURONS SHAPED JUST LIKE COSMIC SUPERSTRUCTURE! AM TARDIGRADE DRINK WATER, TRAVEL UNIVERSE, MAKE WAY TO TRANSCENDENT PLANE OF DREAMS...WAS ACCIDENT. SOMEONE DREAM UP ROTIFER TO EAT WHILE HERE?

AM TARDIGRADE! NEXT POSTER ISN'T! NEXT POSTER TEACH SALAD TO TALK!


It's the last time I let someone get me drunk while I'm a druid. A restaurant closed down because its salads would not stop begging people for mercy.

The next person is the one who got me drunk and now regrets it.


I will not regret it! It was hilarious ;D

The next poster runs their own tavern and will recite the specials.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

Egg and bacon
Egg, sausage and bacon
Egg and Spam
Egg, bacon and Spam
Egg, bacon, sausage and Spam
Spam, bacon, sausage and Spam
Spam, egg, Spam, Spam, bacon and Spam
Spam, Spam, Spam, egg and Spam
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam
Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce, garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and a fried egg on top, and Spam.

The next poster knows what he wants to eat now.


Two orders of fried egg and spam. Give the spam to the hungry people looking in through the window. I'm allergic to Sodium Nitrate preservative.

The next poster knows the Spam Song by heart.


I've been banned from playing a bard because they sang it as a motivation song during battle.

The next poster is banned from playing a bard for entirely different reasons.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

We've tried and tried and tried, but it's impossible to get a tune out of one. Best off sticking with trombones, says the fairy conductor.

The next poster is a fairy resistor.


We calculate my value as V = I x R, whereas V is my anger, I represents the fairies, and R represents my unexcitement. Thus, if 12 fairies do very boring things (such as play in a trombone orchestra) then I get very angry.

Then next poster smashes every dinner plate and cup they come across.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Card Game, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Because they are complicit in soiling my clothing, obviously. It has nothing to do with my less-than-average dexterity, and I take offense at anyone suggesting that.

The next poster takes defense at anyone not suggesting this.


We have had enough of your lies, Sliska! Again and again, accusing poor, innocent tableware!

The next poster is a witness, a surprising one.


AM TARDIGRADE! WAS ON PLATE IN QUESTION THAT NIGHT. IT WASN'T DIRTY. NOT ONE DROP OF WATER, SPECK OF MOLD OR EVEN ONE BACTERIA. WAS VERY SAD, LIKE WALKING THROUGH VAST WASTELAND....

AM TARDIGRADE! NEXT POSTER ISN'T! NEXT POSTER HAS DIRTY FORK.


Six times a night, if I can get it!

Oh. Fork. I see.

The next poster has United Cutlery.


Yes. Under one banner. Now all the cutlery bows to me!

The next poster can lick their own elbows.


They taste like dirt and day old Frappuccinos.

The next poster has been using my elbows to enact their master plan.


You see, I take the "dirt," which is actually [REDACTED], and the "slightly aged" Frappuccinos to [REDACTED] Ventnor's elbows. This process results in an interesting chemical that which mind controls certain individuals. It is fool-proof!

The next poster has developed a new and improved fool...

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