Brain Bleach Salesgremlin's page

"Alas, it is not so. The first limit is the incredibly infinitesimal population of the Paizo community in comparison to the Greater All. The second limit is the basic courtesy request from the Paizo team to not make their lives more difficult.
Relax and remain calm, the associates of the Golem will return in the barest of eyeblinks even in the mortal comprehension of linear temporeality."

Yeah... well... your antivirus isn't very good, so nyeh!

I once ran out of printer paper. I felled a 3,000 year old redwood. Pulped it with my bare hands. Mixed in some water from the drinking fountain. Stamped it out and dried it in the break room microwave. Boom. Printer paper. Those Accounts Receivable memos never looked so crisp.

Except all your artisan paper smells like fish and burnt popcorn.

Drejk wrote:

Orthos wrote:

The one I'm working on now involves hobkins gremlins showing up to wreak havoc at an autumn equinox harvest festival.

Uh, I read that as bikini gremlins...

I͏̝̺͓̮̬̜͍̠T̟̮́ ̀͟͏͙̥̲͎H͇̙̱͔̱͉̦Ṷ̰̻͇̗̬̣̥͘ͅR̴͔̀͜Ṱ̢̞ͅS̞̣̭͓̖͖̮̀̀͞ͅ ͏̲͈̕I̶̛̮̭͙̱̫͚T̜̫̘̰̗͠ ̠̤̖͇͈̤̣͝H͈̗̳͇̜̮͍͍ͅU̶͇̤͍̥R͔̘̜̺̺̞̦͢T̶̶̬̺͎̼̺̀Ś̪ ̞̝I͚͕̻̠̹̱͢ͅT̸̛̞̘̳̜̙̤̟ ̳̮́Ḥ͉͙͔́͢U̢̥̖̗̥R̥̦͡ͅT̙̭̀S̛͔̤̣̖̟͉ ̱͉̗̮͈Į̙̯̗̟̮̫͕̱T͢҉̺̩̼̝͎ ̡̭̜͕̟͡Ḩ̰̞̥̱͠U̥͔̪R̸̥̱̰͡T̷̙͈̫̥̣͉S̢͔͎͚͔͘̕ ͡͏͎̠͔̤̩̩͢I̷̛͔̠͖̠̘̥̺͖T̡̛͍̗ ̱͖̝͕H̴̞̠̹̹U̵̵̩̘R̫̺̲̻̪̪͓̮͜T̙̲̺͍͇̹ͅŚ̠͍͚̗̟̣ ̢͖͇̭͝I̷̡͉͔̻̯̫̫͉̦͞ͅT̢̡̳͍̣̣̀ ̡̤͚͔̬̤̤H̛̝͉̣͕͉̰̲͠ͅU͈̲̗̮̹̯̞͉̪͞R̫̲̦T̯̭̠̭̞͍̭͇S̝͈͎̝͞͠ ̸͎̰̩̦̮̞I̥̤̲̹͔̹T̰̼̤̪̫͍͢͞ ͙̪̱͉̦͙̝͚̹͡H̨̟͚͉̠̭U̢̦̯͢͝R̛̟̪̦̼͎̟̕T͏͔̘͖̪S̠͇̘͘ͅ ̷̧̫̖̺̩͙̤͎͇I͏̝̺͓̮̬̜͍̠T̟̮́ ̀͟͏͙̥̲͎H͇̙̱͔̱͉̦Ṷ̰̻͇̗̬̣̥͘ͅR̴͔̀͜Ṱ̢̞ͅS̞̣̭͓̖͖̮̀̀͞ͅ ͏̲͈̕I̶̛̮̭͙̱̫͚T̜̫̘̰̗͠ ̠̤̖͇͈̤̣͝H͈̗̳͇̜̮͍͍ͅU̶͇̤͍̥R͔̘̜̺̺̞̦͢T̶̶̬̺͎̼̺̀Ś̪ ̞̝I͚͕̻̠̹̱͢ͅT̸̛̞̘̳̜̙̤̟ ̳̮́Ḥ͉͙͔́͢U̢̥̖̗̥R̥̦͡ͅT̙̭̀S̛͔̤̣̖̟͉ ̱͉̗̮͈Į̙̯̗̟̮̫͕̱T͢҉̺̩̼̝͎ ̡̭̜͕̟͡Ḩ̰̞̥̱͠U̥͔̪R̸̥̱̰͡T̷̙͈̫̥̣͉S̢͔͎͚͔͘̕ ͡͏͎̠͔̤̩̩͢I̷̛͔̠͖̠̘̥̺͖T̡̛͍̗ ̱͖̝͕H̴̞̠̹̹U̵̵̩̘R̫̺̲̻̪̪͓̮͜T̙̲̺͍͇̹ͅŚ̠͍͚̗̟̣ ̢͖͇̭͝I̷̡͉͔̻̯̫̫͉̦͞ͅT̢̡̳͍̣̣̀ ̡̤͚͔̬̤̤H̛̝͉̣͕͉̰̲͠ͅU͈̲̗̮̹̯̞͉̪͞R̫̲̦T̯̭̠̭̞͍̭͇S̝͈͎̝͞͠ ̸͎̰̩̦̮̞I̥̤̲̹͔̹T̰̼̤̪̫͍͢͞ ͙̪̱͉̦͙̝͚̹͡H̨̟͚͉̠̭U̢̦̯͢͝R̛̟̪̦̼͎̟̕T͏͔̘͖̪S̠͇̘͘ͅ ̷̧̫̖̺̩͙̤͎͇I͏̝̺͓̮̬̜͍̠T̟̮́ ̀͟͏͙̥̲͎H͇̙̱͔̱͉̦Ṷ̰̻͇̗̬̣̥͘ͅR̴͔̀͜Ṱ̢̞ͅS̞̣̭͓̖͖̮̀̀͞ͅ ͏̲͈̕I̶̛̮̭͙̱̫͚T̜̫̘̰̗͠ ̠̤̖͇͈̤̣͝H͈̗̳͇̜̮͍͍ͅU̶͇̤͍̥R͔̘̜̺̺̞̦͢T̶̶̬̺͎̼̺̀Ś̪ ̞̝I͚͕̻̠̹̱͢ͅT̸̛̞̘̳̜̙̤̟ ̳̮́Ḥ͉͙͔́͢U̢̥̖̗̥R̥̦͡ͅT̙̭̀S̛͔̤̣̖̟͉ ̱͉̗̮͈Į̙̯̗̟̮̫͕̱T͢҉̺̩̼̝͎ ̡̭̜͕̟͡Ḩ̰̞̥̱͠U̥͔̪R̸̥̱̰͡T̷̙͈̫̥̣͉S̢͔͎͚͔͘̕ ͡͏͎̠͔̤̩̩͢I̷̛͔̠͖̠̘̥̺͖T̡̛͍̗ ̱͖̝͕H̴̞̠̹̹U̵̵̩̘R̫̺̲̻̪̪͓̮͜T̙̲̺͍͇̹ͅŚ̠͍͚̗̟̣ ̢͖͇̭͝I̷̡͉͔̻̯̫̫͉̦͞ͅT̢̡̳͍̣̣̀ ̡̤͚͔̬̤̤H̛̝͉̣͕͉̰̲͠ͅU͈̲̗̮̹̯̞͉̪͞R̫̲̦T̯̭̠̭̞͍̭͇S̝͈͎̝͞͠ ̸͎̰̩̦̮̞I̥̤̲̹͔̹T̰̼̤̪̫͍͢͞ ͙̪̱͉̦͙̝͚̹͡H̨̟͚͉̠̭U̢̦̯͢͝R̛̟̪̦̼͎̟̕T͏͔̘͖̪S̠͇̘͘ͅ ̷̧̫̖̺̩͙̤͎͇I͏̝̺͓̮̬̜͍̠T̟̮́ ̀͟͏͙̥̲͎H͇̙̱͔̱͉̦Ṷ̰̻͇̗̬̣̥͘ͅR̴͔̀͜Ṱ̢̞ͅS̞̣̭͓̖͖̮̀̀͞ͅ ͏̲͈̕I̶̛̮̭͙̱̫͚T̜̫̘̰̗͠ ̠̤̖͇͈̤̣͝H͈̗̳͇̜̮͍͍ͅU̶͇̤͍̥R͔̘̜̺̺̞̦͢T̶̶̬̺͎̼̺̀Ś̪ ̞̝I͚͕̻̠̹̱͢ͅT̸̛̞̘̳̜̙̤̟ ̳̮́Ḥ͉͙͔́͢U̢̥̖̗̥R̥̦͡ͅT̙̭̀S̛͔̤̣̖̟͉ ̱͉̗̮͈Į̙̯̗̟̮̫͕̱T͢҉̺̩̼̝͎ ̡̭̜͕̟͡Ḩ̰̞̥̱͠U̥͔̪R̸̥̱̰͡T̷̙͈̫̥̣͉S̢͔͎͚͔͘̕ ͡͏͎̠͔̤̩̩͢I̷̛͔̠͖̠̘̥̺͖T̡̛͍̗ ̱͖̝͕H̴̞̠̹̹U̵̵̩̘R̫̺̲̻̪̪͓̮͜T̙̲̺͍͇̹ͅŚ̠͍͚̗̟̣ ̢͖͇̭͝I̷̡͉͔̻̯̫̫͉̦͞ͅT̢̡̳͍̣̣̀ ̡̤͚͔̬̤̤H̛̝͉̣͕͉̰̲͠ͅU͈̲̗̮̹̯̞͉̪͞R̫̲̦T̯̭̠̭̞͍̭͇S̝͈͎̝͞͠...

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NobodysHome wrote:

Fun math

Oxymoron.

OxyMoron™ gets the tough stupid out! {teeth gleam/lensflare}

Freehold DM wrote:

Scintillae wrote:

Maybe brain damage from watching Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark? I know it's convinced me not to do drugs.

...you watched that?

Morbid curiosity and the magic of Youtube.

Sorry, I can't help you. I sold all my brain bleach with a high markup as hand sanitizer.

I've heard a paddle bit and a drill works if you're desperate enough.

Drejk wrote:

Monster: Gelibear. This one is boomer's fault.

What a haribo monster!!

My immediate thought was there should be a sugarfree version of this critter which has a touch attack that requires a CON save or the target is sickened/violently nauseated. (Do NOT click link you might be nauseated by very descriptive product reviews of what an excess of sugar-free gummi bears disgustingly does in the human digestive tract.)

Ragadolf wrote:

...Sound of robes being hiked up...

GAH! Wizard bits! Hike the robes down! Hike. The robes. DOWN!

*averts gaze*

Too late, that mental image will stay with you a long time.

(Kibblethulhu is part of this complete balanced breakfast. Remember, spawnlings, send in 3 proof of purchase runes to receive your FREE! R'lyeh Sekrit Decoder Ring.)

WHERE IS MY EYE BLEACH?!?

AAARGH!

.

You know, it seems that, at some point, there’d be an upper limit of probability against experiencing entirely different types of GI distress. LOOKS LIKE I HAVE YET TO MEET THAT LIMIT

(Tonight suuuuuuuuucks)

If you want, pop down to your local drugstore/market and pick up the biggest bag of sugar-free gummi bears you can. Take them into the bathroom with you and eat them as fast as you can. When the gastrointestinal supervolcano begins, start yelling "THE ARISTOCRATS!" as loudly and for as long as you can.

Hope you are feeling much better very very soon.

And I’m wearing clothes.

Yeaaaaaah. OK, sure. Yes, your clothes. Much regal, such new. Wow. You're the best dressed emperor in the thread.

{sets up brain bleach lemonade stand}

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

Captain Killjoy wrote:

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

*finishes whirling, now in a tiny domino mask and cape while wielding a tiny rapier*

THE MASKED PUGWAMPI!!!

En garde, you humour challenged misanthrope!

I LOOK FORWARD TO SPLITTING YOUR INFINITIVES! HAVE AT THEE!

*the tiny rapier flashes with lightning speed, lunging and parrying with great finesse*

You, sir, have all the singing ability of a gas-laden water buffalo!!

And what the f&*% is that supposed to mean?

There really should be a fan/gaming convention named Bonna Con.

Im curious how frequent you need to vape to get popcorn lung?

I'm not sure we'll have a good guess on that until the public can get accurate ingredients labeling on vape fluid.

And if Jelly Belly can continuously sell its gross-flavored jelly beans successfully, then I'm sure there's a market for vape flavors like burnt microwave popcorn and microwaved fish.

quibblemuch wrote:

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

Oh, if I only had a nickel for every time...

I feel like "proctologist's change tray" should be some kind of proverbial thing. But I'm really not sure HOW...

You know what they say. You'll eventually find everything you need in the end.

Something something ass pennies something

Neither a new messageboard nor a new edition can kill this thread!

I wasn't sure where to leave this particular link for our AWOL kobold, so I guess here's as good as any:

NatGeo: "Tiny Spiders Devour Lizards Three Times Their Size"

Remember, you're usually within 3 foot of a spider (or even closer) at all times. Pleasant dreams. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

{suggests a reasonable fact-based opinion with a link to corroborating evidence... which instead turns out to be a link to brain-etching disgusting images}

I blame Cosmo that this new alias opens the doors to all sorts of disgusting new posts.

LF Plan B:

"Sweet Robin! Oh I'm so glad to see you. Winterfell is dreadful this time of year. Oh look what I found! A frozen bag of Mommy's Milk that she had stored away in the freezing rooms. Come to Uncy Pete. Yes, good Sweet Robin." #LordoftheVale

Maester of the Vale: "Lord Baelish, you want me to construct a wearable... vest for you to... to feed not-so-young Robin?!"