1d4 Goblin Babies's page

Oh look, it's The Man. Can't 1d4 ⇒ 1 goblin babies throw dice to unwind in a side alley after a long day of legal grifting, political lobbying, political bribery, and running the orphan grinder?

1d4 Goblin Babies wrote:

quibblemuch wrote:

Klingon Koffee Maker would be a great band name.

The Worst Person Ever wrote:

Or an extremely sordid sex act!

1d4 goblin babies say, "¿Porque no los dos?" {proceeds to pour Shimmer™ dessert topping/floor wax over bowl of B&J's Deerfly Garcia ice cream}

1d4 paladins: "Wot's all this then?"

"Cheese it! It's the rozzers!" {1d4 ⇒ 4 goblin babies flee}

Klingon Koffee Maker would be a great band name.

Or an extremely sordid sex act!

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies say, "¿Porque no los dos?" {proceeds to pour Shimmer™ dessert topping/floor wax over bowl of B&J's Deerfly Garcia ice cream}

Pfft. Spelling.

1d4 ⇒ 3 of us always did terribly at spelling in school. We'd study hard the night before, generally do ok to good-ish in class when it came time to spell, and then *woosh* everything we'd learned would be completely forgotten. Such a pain. We wish our teacher had taught us spelling using the sorcerous path instead of Vancian.

It is okay...I just avoid mirrors...

As a plus, this also protects you from Bloody Mary and The Candyman.

1d4 ⇒ 3 goblin babies sing:

♫♪ He's my favorite honky,
Buried with a donkey! ♫♪

I keep hurting myself, well my back, working on these CONFOUNDED ROOTS.

(Yes, I'm older than you, and yet, I'm still young enough to be stupid and hurt myself. Again. Pulling these CONFOUNDED ROOTS!)

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies blame Cosmo Jimmy Fallon for The Roots slow-torturing Ragadolf.

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies personally blame Smally Biggs, the small medium at large.

Limeylongears wrote:

Vany, you know there are six, maybe seven, live clowns in your car's trunk right now?

omg he doesn't

OMG SPOILERS!

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies blame Cosmo that we are so confused. We thought the spoiler was a mime, not a clown, and the front air dam was a harlequin.

Also, 1d4 ⇒ 1 goblin babies also blame Cosmo that we couldn't figure out how to shoehorn a Pagliacci joke in here somewhere.

Co-worker: Wow! Traffic is getting bad on the beltline!

Captain Yesterday (driving the new truck): I'll find the caltrops button...

{1d4 ⇒ 3 goblin babies hum the Spy Hunter theme}

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

Think of them as checkmarks on the things you need to improve.

I’m stealing this the next time one of my players complains about how low their character is on HP.

1d4 ⇒ 1 goblin babies think the only thing worse than being incapacitated by severe wounds is the BBEG then walking over and scribbling teacher-like commentary on your injuries with a red Sharpie

The Gleeful Grognard wrote:

PossibleCabbage wrote:

If goblins are the canonical "naturally CN" PC ancestry, can we please get some goblin deities who are CG, CN, or N?

Why? (if I may ask)

I mean technically the gods they have aren't even goblin gods. Personally I think it suits the race better to be co-opting and "scavenging" faiths more than having actual gods.

...But the "Goblin Hero Gods" are LE, NE, and CE while all the Orc deities are CE. It feels like "a more nuanced presentation of the 'evil ancestries'"would offer a diversity of "specific to this culture" faiths like others have.

1d4 ⇒ 2 of us goblin babies say our nighty-night prayers to the half-orc Empyreal Lord of redemption, Mi'kaz.

Lucky him. Some of us had to rely on HBO, Cinemax, and forest porn when we were kids.

1d4 ⇒ 4 of us goblin babies suspect that must be where fey get most of their weird ideas about humanity.

quibblemuch wrote:

According to 23 and Me, I'm 78% sloth folk!

It wasn't a shock.

If I could climb trees my transition to sloth would be complete.

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies think if you hung around the DMV enough you could contract weresloththropy.

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies would rather endure multiple wasp stings instead of eye bees (do not click if squeamish).

1d4 ⇒ 4 of us suggest playing a shaman

Edit: Oops, the figment template won't work with the shaman's spirit animal.

{1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies set Hunt on fire}

I just learned that the terms highbrow and lowbrow come from phrenology. Just one more thing the 19th century has ruined for me.

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies wonder if Löwenbräu comes from feline phrenology?

Related, as I just stumbled across this, like, now.

1d4 ⇒ 3 goblin babies are excited for our favorite cartoon:

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies always thought Tacticslion was the Xamot to Tictacslion's Tomax.

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies ask, "Who's that at the door?" {presses doorbell button hidden on desk}

↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A SELECT START

{observes NB's rant} 1d4 ⇒ 3 of us goblin babies are now standing on NobodysHome's lawn.

1d4 ⇒ 2 of us forgot this place even existed... Wow! We have a whole jar filled with radioactive ants. How many rant points can we exchange them for?

Our auntie, Freda the alchemist, gave up on tiger balm. She double- and triple-checked her research, but always to no avail. The tiger balm neither blew anyone up nor turned them into tigers. They smelled pleasant while they stabbity-stabbed her though.

145) Will 15 Smol kobolds in PF2E finally be able to combine into a Huge humanoid, ala Armored Fleet Dairugger XV?

Bumping once

{shows up munching 3d4 ⇒ (3, 3, 3) = 9 fresh waffles} We're eating right now, but maybe a pally could trip over us when we're done.

How- Why are you in my house?! HELP! GUARDS!

{leaves a couple pickles, flees in terror}

The rationale is that goblins are murderous vagrants who spit upon the fundamental tenets and customs of our sophisticated, civil society. The common fellow of any of the core races, in the vast majority of nations, does not have positive interactions with goblins.

If an individual goblin happens, by some miracle, to perform a service to the world and commit a deed of goodness, then great! They are an exceptional individual. The key phrase of course being "exception". A goblin adventurer (Aroden forbid) that performs deeds of good does so in light of the nature of their blood and stands as an exception to the base nature of their race.

For every allegedly good goblin, there are a hundred ones that seek to slit the throat and gnaw the marrow of humanity itself. A goblin participating in the "Rise of the Runelords", whatever that was, does nothing to sway or alter the conduct of other goblins for the better. Those tribes of savages will still steal my pigs if they get the chance and they'll do so without remorse!

The so-called "core" races are deemed such because they are the ones that are most widely accepted in most nations. They have the distinction of "core" because they have the full capacity to decide their morality person by person. They are "core" because they make up the fabric of civilized society. Finally, regardless of my utter disdain for the adventuring profession, "core" races are those with the greatest inherent capacity to function as adventurers in a vast array of circumstance and setting. To be "core" is to be representative of what is typical, expected, and accepted.

As to your suggestion that I would not object to another beastly race, I must respectfully, but strongly, dissent. No race that is widely reviled and despised or feared should be given the honor of "core". No race that wantonly slaughters innocents should be "core". The half-orcs were enough of a stretch as the matter stands.

If you were always hungry -- like starving, man -- wouldn't you be cranky and crazy and bitey and mean all the time too?

1d4 ⇒ 3 of us goblin babies met this smarty smart blue goblin who clued us in. He taught us a meta-, meda-, medi-... something, a way of focusing our minds like how monkee-monks do with their chi-chi. Called it repletion. We not know what that word mean, but it helps a gob turn that stomach ROAR! into a rumble. Once you get your stomach to shut up, it surprising how much oxygenated (not sure what that word mean either) blood gets to your brain. Ya gets a whole lotta thinky thinky going on.

We just met a ratfolk -- the nice floofy kind, not the bitey kind who turns you into a rat -- who makes the best waffles. Would you like a waffle? C'mon, you can't stay mad eating waffles. I guess you can stay here and be mad, but we're gonna go get waffles.

This thread is good food for thought. I cant picture a goblin PC in any way but Joxer from Xena.

You should picture your gobo PC like me.

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies think this could be a fun take on a goblin master chymist's dueling personalities.

1d4 ⇒ 2 of us like that goblins as a core PC race... is now the fault of the paladins. That's almost as genius as finding a way to blame "linear fighters, quadratic wizards" on Batman's alignment.

Once you get your stomach to shut up, it's surprising how much oxygenated blood gets to your brain. Ya gets a whole lotta thinky thinky going on.

Gip wrote:

Captain Killjoy wrote:

TAKE HEART, GIP!

O CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!

We are not only going to be able to still burn things, there are going to be a lot more of us able to do so!!!!

We are finally accepted along side the halflings and the gnomes! WE HAVE ARRIVED!!!!

HUZZAH!!!!

*sets nearby refuse piles on fire BECAUSE HE CAN*

You know, if we gobs ate all the halflings (or all the gnomes, 1d4 ⇒ 4 of us are not picky), there'd be room for kobolds to step up onto the core races medal podium too.

1d4 ⇒ 1 goblin babies want to know if it has to be our own hands, or can we raise humanoid hands that just so happen to have recently come into our possession? {hides freshly sharpened cleaver}

IGNORED 9YRO OF EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: "'TAKE DAUGHTER TO WORK' DAY SUCKS"
Also, "CubsForever2018" is crappy password, Dad, and you should browse porn using incognito mode. Seriously.

"GARFIELD" AND "FAMILY CIRCUS": WHO STILL READS THIS SH!T?; inside Comics section

My understanding is no, they don't have control of it.

1d4 ⇒ 3 goblin babies' mouths are (Su) and thus we don't have control of them... or the insults that tumble out of them. Smite us at your peril, pallys!

Oooo, 1d4 ⇒ 4 goblin babies want a Gom-Gom poppet.

ENHenry wrote:

Random encounter roll table excerpt:

41 - Goblin Warship
42 - Sperm Whale spontaneously exists
43 - Bowl of Petunias spontaneously exists
44 - Shirren Trading Vessel

...

57 - Bowl of Goblins spontaneously exists

{1d4 ⇒ 1 baby goblins adjust their glasses sagely} If cats are liquids that seek their own containers, space goblins are oobleck.

*pulls up in big black van*

Why HELLO there! Would 1d4 goblin babies like some free candy...?

Ooooo! {1d4 ⇒ 4 goblin babies cut the brake lines, then set fire to the van}

{1d4 ⇒ 3 goblin babies run with scissors through the thread}

1d4 ⇒ 2 goblin babies are convinced the stuffed animals at CY's workplace whisper sanity-shattering secrets into his ears at night while he sleeps. Thus, his predilection for linguistic improvisation and his penchant for David Haller-numbers of alternate aliases.

Treppa wrote:

It's Oladon's fault, I'm sure.

Yes, blame Oladon.

1d4 ⇒ 1 goblin babies sing (badly):

Oh, good! Hunting Droids is just as fun!

1d4 ⇒ 4 goblin babies shout "Shootogawa!" encouragingly.

I'm surprised he was able to get out of the second grade classroom.

I suppose Christmas break is pretty much a death sentence for class pets.

1d4 ⇒ 3 goblin babies think a party of class pets that have to escape over the winter break could actually be a pretty fun RPG adventure. "This. is. sewious."

the 90s show Dinosaurs predicted the trump campaign, and where it would lead

"Not the Mama!"

1d4 ⇒ 4 goblin babies think maybe you should blame all the nice things you said on an escape goat?

Mmmm, 1d4 ⇒ 2 of us think Frosted Lurky Charms are FaWtL-ly delicious!

Angela Lansbury, 90, sings Beauty and the Beast at 25th anniversary showing. I can't for the life of me remember the nuances of the movie, I'm not sure why I started tearing, but I did nonetheless.

May Dame Lansbury take the stage 10 years hence.

{1d4 ⇒ 3 goblin babies are confused seeing Paul McCartney singing "Beauty and the Beast"}

HOLY SH*T! MR. FISHY'S BACK! YAY! {1d4 ⇒ 4 goblin babies tread water}