The Official JMD031 Rant Thread


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Welcome back rant fans! This is one of two rants that I promised. This particular rant is about those (expletive deleted) “Ask ______ all of your (expletive deleted) whatevers” threads. I know what you may be thinking, “what’s wrong with you?” Well, initially I had no issues with these threads. Especially when they were directed towards Paizo employees. But, now it is getting ridiculous. I mean some of these posters who have threads I haven’t even (expletive deleted) heard of. The ones for the Paizo employees are pretty good as they provide an inside look into their creative minds. I mean who wouldn’t want to know what James Jacobs has for breakfast or provide positive comments to Sara Marie or even fuel Cosmo’s ultimate plans with blame? Well, pretty much every poster on this board is who. But I digress, these threads were unique and interesting in their own rights. And now…well let’s just say they are the mass commercialized generic versions of their former selves. I just realized that I could be seen as a hypocrite due to this very thread, but firstly (expletive deleted) you and secondly, this thread is nothing like those others. Also, this thread was more of an extension of a different thread. What’s that? What about the “JMD031’s Awesome Thread of Awesome”? Well, that thread is just about being awesome and has nothing to do with questions. “Ask a Slaad”, you ponder? That thread is a parody of those earlier threads. “The Unofficial JMD031’s Pun Thread”? (Expletive deleted) off! I mean…no, that is exactly what I mean. Where the (expletive deleted) was I? Oh yeah, why I chose to rant about this. Each new thread takes away from the specialness of the previous threads. Also, there are just too many of them that the Off-Topic Forum has become a virtual (expletive deleted) of them. I suppose that is the real reason that I’m ranting about this is because I can’t stand to look at the page anymore because all I see are (expletive deleted) “Ask _____ questions” or “So and so does something dumb with your posts” threads. The worst offenders are the ones started by the people themselves. I would probably be ok with a “Ask JMD031 All Your Questions” thread but I don’t think anyone would be ok with one if I started it. And before you ask, no I’m not (expletive deleted) asking for one to be started. Haven’t you been reading? Jeebus! Besides based on this rant alone, I wouldn’t even bother answering any questions. That doesn’t mean you should start a “JMD031 won’t answer any of your questions” thread either because that would be terrible. On that note, this rant is (expletive deleted) over so I stop providing terrible ideas that are likely to happen.

Tune in next time when I rant about…lawn care. What? You want a (expletive deleted) rant about Tootsie Pops? Well too (expletive deleted) bad because let me tell you about my lawn…

Rant list:
Lawn care
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
James Bond movies


The proliferation of those kinds of threads was part of the reason I started making friends with the "Focus" button. Spam was the main reason, but yeah, having to wade through all that carp to get to the threads I wanted was part of the reason.

Overall, good rant. 8/10.

Shadow Lodge

I admit I'm a bit weird in that I prefer more of the user-based threads than the staff ones. Primarily because either they entertain me with their silliness (particularly Rysky and Tactics) or because their game style is closer to mine (Ashiel, for example). I ended up hiding the JJ thread because one I couldn't keep up with it, and two his ideas on the game and some of the basics are extremely different from mine and I found myself getting frustrated with many of his answers.

The only staff thread I really follow is Cosmo's.

Also, as stated in another thread, the ask-a-user threads are really just a 2015 version of the old user/character cult threads and OTD forum RP games from 2006-8 or so, when I first started posting here. It reminds me of a better time, when Paizo was a lot more fun to visit and you didn't have to spend 90% of your time dodging 90% of the threads on the forums because everything devolved into the same old sociopolitical ranting or repeated game style arguments that have become so predictable now.

Yes, dammit, I'm nostalgic for something less than ten years old. Those ten years have made the forum a lot less fun, driven off a lot of great people (out of OTD at least, if not off Paizo completely in some cases), and introduced a hell of a lot of annoying, irritating, frustrating, and infuriating behavior patterns that only continue to get worse.


Orthos gets +2 Rant points. Additionally, in theory I have no problem with those kinds of threads, I just feel they should be limited/monitored to ensure they maintain those qualities you mentioned and don't become another form of spam.

Shadow Lodge

I just self-regulate by Hiding the ones I don't find fun or funny or informative.

Forum hiding functions have become a godsend.

With "spam" in this case, I think the trick is all in personal perception. Like take the "Slaad Thread" for example. One person might look at that, see it as a bunch of stream-of-consciousness nonsense, or dismiss the whole thread as stupidity and pointless spam-like blather. Another may see it and see the inanity as harmless fun, as perfectly in-character for a bunch of slaad avatars, or a surrealist experience in the vein of something like Don Hertzfeldt's "Rejected" cartoons.

Having some kind of forum regulation restricts the presence of such threads to a single person or group's decision to moderate its presence, while allowing users to individually Hide or Show the thread based on their own preferences leaves that choice to the individual, allowing those annoyed by the threads to regulate them to the void of unseen commentary, while those who enjoy them can continue to do so.

It's really a rather genius system, when you really think about it. One of the best improvements Paizo's forum system has had to date.

Now the availability of this system by no means prohibits or restricts the ability to rant about the things being hidden, of course. ;)


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I tend to be a little lazy and prefer others to do my work for me so that I can complain about what a terrible job they are doing. ;)


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I've a quick little rant for you. It may have been touched on before, but since I just got cursed out over the phone for it, I'm in the mood to vent.

It is not my [expletive deleted]ing fault that we don't have a room for you tonight, [expletive deleted]-wad. You made the reservation for tomorrow night, and then decided to come a day early without changing the reservation or making a new one. Not my [expletive deleted]ing fault. We're sold out. No rooms left. No, d@#~+#+, not even one. That is what it means to be sold out. There's nothing available. I know you have a reservation. For TOMORROW. Not tonight. Not [expletive deleted]ing yesterday. TO-MOR-ROW. So, yeah, we'll have a room for you tomorrow. But not tonight. And that is in no [expletive deleted]ing way my [expletive deleted]ing fault you [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted]-face [expletive deleted]-berry [expletive deleted]ity-[expletive deleted]-[expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted]!!!!! So shut your [expletive deleted]ing pie-hole and find somewhere else to stay tonight. Oh, and good luck with that. I've already spoken to most of the other decent places to stay in town, and they're all sold out as well. So, in conclusion dear guest, go [expletive deleted] yourself.


I applaud your excessive use of [expletive deleted]. +6 rant points.


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Mythic JMD031 wrote:
I applaud your excessive use of [expletive deleted]. +6 rant points.

[Expletive deleted] you.

NO WAIT I MEAN THANK YOU!!!!!


So I'm back...of course I didn't mean to be gone but as this thread is any indication I've been away from the forum for about a month. I'd like to say I have something interesting to say but alas I do not. As my dad always says, "keep on, keeping on".


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Well, if nothing else it beats the alternative. And being able to read a good rant or two here would help to distract from so-called political debates that either degenerate into shouting matches or are governed by "moderators" who are more concerned with impressing the audience than in doing something worthwhile. Lincoln and Douglas did it right, these modern "debates" are travesties.


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This will be a short and mostly polite rant. It's move-in for the college now and there are a lot of non locals wandering around town trying to figure out where they are going. And this year I have mostly managed to keep my cool. It's all good. But there are a couple of things that do get to me.
To the out of state cars who are slowing traffic to a crawl because you are confused by all our one-way streets: Chill. I know it seems confusing. Nobody expects you to have the city memorized. Just relax and trust your GPS. No matter how inane all those turns seem to you, that is the right way to get there. So stop trying to find a [expletive deleted] shortcut. Thank you.
To the obviously non-local pedestrians: Look, this is a very pedestrian friendly place, and we have lots of crosswalks that are well marked. So [expletive deleted] use them, you [expletive deleted] idiots. No, running out into traffic is bloody well not okay. And in a contest between car and pedestrian, you always [expletive deleted] lose. Use some [expletive deleted] common sense!
So that's about it. I'm sure we'll all get along just fine as long as we can all remember kindergarten level basic road safety. (Oh dear......we are all doomed....)


lynora wrote:

This will be a short and mostly polite rant. It's move-in for the college now and there are a lot of non locals wandering around town trying to figure out where they are going. And this year I have mostly managed to keep my cool. It's all good. But there are a couple of things that do get to me.

To the out of state cars who are slowing traffic to a crawl because you are confused by all our one-way streets: Chill. I know it seems confusing. Nobody expects you to have the city memorized. Just relax and trust your GPS. No matter how inane all those turns seem to you, that is the right way to get there. So stop trying to find a [expletive deleted] shortcut. Thank you.
To the obviously non-local pedestrians: Look, this is a very pedestrian friendly place, and we have lots of crosswalks that are well marked. So [expletive deleted] use them, you [expletive deleted] idiots. No, running out into traffic is bloody well not okay. And in a contest between car and pedestrian, you always [expletive deleted] lose. Use some [expletive deleted] common sense!
So that's about it. I'm sure we'll all get along just fine as long as we can all remember kindergarten level basic road safety. (Oh dear......we are all doomed....)

I would recommend modifying your vehicle with the installation of an aftermarket heavy duty bumper. As for GPS, not everybody has it and it can be unreliable as map updates are not always accurate.


Ceaser Slaad wrote:
lynora wrote:

This will be a short and mostly polite rant. It's move-in for the college now and there are a lot of non locals wandering around town trying to figure out where they are going. And this year I have mostly managed to keep my cool. It's all good. But there are a couple of things that do get to me.

To the out of state cars who are slowing traffic to a crawl because you are confused by all our one-way streets: Chill. I know it seems confusing. Nobody expects you to have the city memorized. Just relax and trust your GPS. No matter how inane all those turns seem to you, that is the right way to get there. So stop trying to find a [expletive deleted] shortcut. Thank you.
To the obviously non-local pedestrians: Look, this is a very pedestrian friendly place, and we have lots of crosswalks that are well marked. So [expletive deleted] use them, you [expletive deleted] idiots. No, running out into traffic is bloody well not okay. And in a contest between car and pedestrian, you always [expletive deleted] lose. Use some [expletive deleted] common sense!
So that's about it. I'm sure we'll all get along just fine as long as we can all remember kindergarten level basic road safety. (Oh dear......we are all doomed....)
I would recommend modifying your vehicle with the installation of an aftermarket heavy duty bumper. As for GPS, not everybody has it and it can be unreliable as map updates are not always accurate.

Almost everyone has access to google maps at least....and I know that is totally accurate for my town. Google has a location here. They're pretty reliable about mapping places where they work. :P


lynora gains +2 rant points.


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You know what really pisses me off? Thread necromancy. Seriously, when a thread hasn't been posted in for almost two [expletive deleted]ing years, you should just let the [expletive deleted]er go. No point in posting in it again to see if anyone else is paying attention. Move on [expletive deleted]-face, your time is over, everyone has moved on to the new hotness.


gran rey de los mono gains +2 rant points.


1d4 ⇒ 2 of us forgot this place even existed... Wow! We have a whole jar filled with radioactive ants. How many rant points can we exchange them for?


*Appears out of the shadows* That depends on how many you have, what the market exchange rate is, and what the penalty for thread necromancy is. *Disappears back into the shadows*


Jeebus, where did you come from?

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