I'm having Timat's Baby

[Attilles]

I (a lawful evil male half elf 14th level cross blooded arcane draconic sorcerer) proclaimed that, "I wanna hook up with Tiamat because Tiamat is the coolest of all dragons. I would have her babies."

My GM took this literally and so now I am carring Tiamat's baby, I have been warned by another goddess (Glitch she covers fate and prophecy and such. Zzzzzzzzzzz.) that the birth of this child will kill me (something about being an anatomical male and having no way for the baby to get out).

This goddess is neutral so there's really no reason not to trust her, but at the same time maybe she's just a little too neutral. As the wizened 25 Star General Zapp Branigan will like to say in about 1000 years, "With enemies you where they stand, but with neutrals? Who knows!?"

Anyway, how do I get this baby out of me with out dying in the process.

The only two things I can think of are a spell to change my gender and increase my size or this idea a mighty mage I know (Zebulon the Great and Powerful) of shrinking a small creature to fine size having them teleport in and teleport back out with the baby.

I really don't want to die, but this baby is going to be born, someone made a joke about aborting it and a glass broke in the room instantly. So yeah Tiamat's actually interested in this one. Help.

[DM_aka_Dudemeister]

Alter Self: Change Gender
Form of the Dragon or Polymorph: Become a dragon.

Good luck.

[DominusMegadeus]

You guys are high level. The most direct approach, it seems, it to just die and get your Cleric/Oracle bro to raise you. Please tell me you have a Cleric/Oracle bro...

If that won't work, you could find someone with a high Heal skill (Cloracle Bro!!!) to do a C-section. Heck, if you know any churches to Tiamat around, go ask them to help birth the godling.

If you do have to get it cut out of you, hopefully you'll get a cool scar!

[VRMH]

Whatever you do, do it quick. You want that thing out of you while it's still inside an egg...

[Attilles]

Well at the current moment we're at my camp (its an awesome fortress of walls of stone and move earth) about half a days travel from a giant city full of Bahamut followers. I gotta play this very close to the vest.

[Paladin of Baha-who?]

I think this calls for a piping hot cup of WTF.

[EvilPaladin]

Buy 2 Elixers of Sex Shift and cast Form of the Dragon long enough to lay the eggs. First drink one so you can give birth, then drink the other afterwards, assuming you still want to play a male.

[Jayson MF Kip]

I think you're asking the wrong question.

Let it kill you, then ask your GM to play as the newborn demigod dragon.

[Axelthegreat]

Jayson MF Kip wrote:

I think you're asking the wrong question.

Let it kill you, then ask your GM to play as the newborn demigod dragon.

best suggestion here yet, but you may want to ask before your character dies.

[Count Coltello]

Dotting for curiosity of how this plays out...

[Ji-kun]

Assuming this spawn doesn't cause you to explode in a viscera. I think a simple raise dead or resurrection will suffice.

[FuelDrop]

Yeah, I've gotta see how this ends.

[Emmanuel Nouvellon-Pugh]

Dotted

[Attilles]

Ok I got some clarification from the GM, this is not an egg, it will be a live birth. As for playing as the the new demigod dragon becoming a demigod would be a downgrade for me. I'm that awesome.

[Count Coltello]

May be downgrade but how many times do you get to be your own dad and a dragon demigod?

[Choon]

Count Coltello wrote:

May be downgrade but how many times do you get to be your own dad and a dragon demigod?

+1

[ElementalXX]

Wait, this means your character just had sex with tiamat?

[The Rot Grub]

Wait, how did you get pregnant? How did your words make it so? Did Tiamat impregnate you with her thoughts? Or did you get carnal with her?

If an abortion is impossible without angering the cosmos, then maybe Bahamut needs to get involved.

[Artemis Moonstar]

I didn't realize that Tiamat was hermaphroditic...

Just waiting for Furaffinity to jump on this with some er... interesting art.

[Hmm]

I think that this could actually be an awesome roleplaying activity. Do the gender change, and then really play up your excitement at being pregnant. Go overprotective mama. Become fierce about your baby.

Do we know for sure that the baby will be oversized? If so, I'm sure there is some way to enlarge you.

Hmm

[Domestichauscat]

Best topic since the succubus thread. Carry on.

[Rabbiteconomist]

Man I love being a GM - next session should be fun :)

[KestrelZ]

Pens a book titled "So, you are about to have a divine, colossal baby"

Hmmm, lacking a sufficient cleric or oracle help, you could go on an epic quest to find a midwife that has experience in half-god childbirth.

[Imbicatus]

Be prepared for this during the birth.

[BigNorseWolf]

Polymorph any object yourself into a girl roc for a week at a time and lay that egg.

[Axelthegreat]

BigNorseWolf wrote:

Polymorph any object yourself into a girl roc for a week at a time and lay that egg.

He had stated that it wouldn't be an egg.

[BigNorseWolf]

In that case turn into a kangaroo. The baby will be ready early while its still tiny.

[Game Master]

O_o

...*blink*

[williamoak]

Deary me. Well, let's wait and see what happens. But yeah, elixir of sex shift looks like the safest bet.

[Game Master]

If we are giving serious advice, then you'd best cast Form of the Dragon to become a female dragon if you want to survive that. Female? Not enough for Tiamat's baby. You need to be a DRAGON female.

[Imbicatus]

A Demon Mother's Mask MIGHT help, although normally it only lets you give birth to animal's children, not dragons.

[LeesusFreak]

BigNorseWolf wrote:

In that case turn into a kangaroo. The baby will be ready early while its still tiny.

Really brilliant solution to this. I think we've got a winner.

[Westphalian_Musketeer]

Hmm wrote:

I think that this could actually be an awesome roleplaying activity. Do the gender change, and then really play up your excitement at being pregnant. Go overprotective mama. Become fierce about your baby.

Do we know for sure that the baby will be oversized? If so, I'm sure there is some way to enlarge you.

Hmm

Now I want to see the character fighting to defend the baby after birth from a chromatic dragon. "Get away from her, you ---!

[Axelthegreat]

Damn I love this thread.

[DominusMegadeus]

Westphalian_Musketeer wrote:

Hmm wrote:

I think that this could actually be an awesome roleplaying activity. Do the gender change, and then really play up your excitement at being pregnant. Go overprotective mama. Become fierce about your baby.

Do we know for sure that the baby will be oversized? If so, I'm sure there is some way to enlarge you.

Hmm

Now I want to see the character fighting to defend the baby after birth from a chromatic dragon. "Get away from her, you ---!

I'm a g#&*!$n baby-making, life-taking MACHINE! Why should I care how many dragons I have to kill? I can just make MORE in my TUMMY!

[Imbicatus]

Actually, Dahak may try to kill it. It is a dragon, and Dahak probably doesn't want any sibling rivalry.

[Gargamel the Evil Wizard]

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

[Tarantula]

Giant form into a rock troll. Baby (hopefully) isn't doing acid/sonic damage, so the regeneration should let you easily not die during the process. Or get protection from energy (acid) also while you birth it.

[FuelDrop]

Have you considered seeing a cleric about this? It sounds like it could use the attention of a medical professional.

[Cinodem "the Doctor" Noyllopa]

FuelDrop wrote:

Have you considered seeing a cleric about this? It sounds like it could use the attention of a medical professional.

Did somebody call for a doctor?

[Thalandor]

Someone has seen prometheus not long ago...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IG2bicNOfo

The alternative versión would be much better..in the movie and the game

BTW, don't forget to enrol your baby to piano lessons

[boring7]

Attilles wrote:

Ok I got some clarification from the GM, this is not an egg, it will be a live birth. As for playing as the the new demigod dragon becoming a demigod would be a downgrade for me. I'm that awesome.

Only temporarily, 1st level demigods have potential.

But really, at 14th level you should have access to some plan B, C, and D options involving resurrection services, regeneration spells, and/or outsiders with access to Wish. Cut a deal with an Efreeti, word your request VERY carefully, and have a minion ready to deal with complications (like breaking your neck so you can't feel the pain).

Of course it's also possible your soul will be devoured/merged with the demigod baby, that's where the whole "I wanna play my own monster baby" and "I am faithful, my life for Tiamat" come in.

[Count Coltello]

so how did this turn out...

[williamoak]

I am also curious.

[DaemonArcher]

Is it a boy or a girl? Did you make it?
Is there any way to record images?

[Attilles]

Imbicatus wrote:

Actually, Dahak may try to kill it. It is a dragon, and Dahak probably doesn't want any sibling rivalry.

Seeing as how Dahak actually means "jive-sucka" in ancient draconic I doubt he will dare step to me and mine. He doesn't have the scales.

FuelDrop wrote:

Have you considered seeing a cleric about this? It sounds like it could use the attention of a medical professional.

The only cleric I talked to told me that this birth means my own certain death (wuss); I did go see one of my followers who happens to be a physician he said it seems like a normal pregnancy except that I am a male so yeah.

boring7 wrote:

Only temporarily, 1st level demigods have potential. [...] Of course it's also possible your soul will be devoured/merged with the demigod baby, that's where the whole "I wanna play my own monster baby" and "I am faithful, my life for Tiamat" come in.

I intend to raise the child not play it, I still have world(s) to conquer, peoples to enslave and kingdoms to build (and topple); the child shall be my heir, not my character.

The next session will be on Sat or Sun this week, and should cover the birth (yay!), a little more world context for everyone:
My character is encamped near a large Goatfolk city who primarily worship Bahumat, we were hunting the orbs of dragonkind near there when I got preggers. To the far north in the capital of a goblin society is one of Tiamat's largest temples, one of my followers has been there and given me a good description so I will be teleporting there with greater teleport to get some assistance in this whole preggers thing (its a terrible thing to be pregnant and alone). These same goblins are at war with the goats and I think I'm going to ask them to help me sack that city for my baby shower (I'm also working on robbing their diamond guild for shady business practices this is a busy campaign).

But for the birth itself I now intend to be in a major Tiamatian temple and I have the following spells at my immediate disposal to aid in the birth: Reduce Person, Grease, Shrink Item, Form of the Dragon 2 and Greater Teleport.

Still looking for more ideas on how to do this though. Also I've registered at Path*Mart for the baby shower, please no gifts under $50. Thanks.

[Ipslore the Red]

Domestichauscat wrote:

Worst topic since the succubus thread. Carry on.

FTFY.

[Green Smashomancer]

Dotting. I need to see this. Will Tiamat be present for the birth, or will the baby daddy not even show up for this... miraculous moment?

If she does, remember to turn to her and yell "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" at some point.

[boring7]

Noticing a distinct lack of Regenerate or Raise Dead on that list of ready spells. It's good to have a backup plan. Also good to have? Food. Lotta different kinds of food depending on what your godchild (lolhomophone) finds most digestible.

My character has sent a set of Boots of the Enduring march, because you're going to be on your feet a lot from now on.