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RPG Superstar 2015

Official "Critique My Item" Thread


RPG Superstar™ 2012 General Discussion

1 to 50 of 1,111 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>
Founder, Legendary Games & Publisher, Necromancer Games, RPG Superstar Judge

15 people marked this as a favorite.

Guys

This is the official "Critique My Item" Placeholder thread.

But Clark, why are you doing this now and why is it locked?

Excellent questions my young padawan. Let me explain, no there is too much, let me sum up.

First, I want there to be an official thread and this is how we have done it in the past.

Second, I want it to be locked until at least Wednesday. Today is the day to celebrate those who made the cut. Starting tomorrow, or whenever Gary and Vic think it is wise, we can open up this thread to discuss the items that didn't make it. It's how we've done it in the past and it has worked well.

So for today, if you didn't make the cut, turn your attention to those who did. Discuss their items. Then, when this thread opens, submit yours for discussion and feedback.

Please don't post in this thread between now and when Vic/Gary lock it.

Thanks everyone! Congrats for entering and good luck! If you don't make the cut, I look forward to discussing your item in this thread. This community has always been really great and the discussion of non-advancing items has been civil and professional and excellent.

Founder, Legendary Games & Publisher, Necromancer Games, RPG Superstar Judge

For your information, it may be helpful to explain a little about how we view items and rank them, and to provide three "rough groupings" for discussion of items so you can see where yours fell.

Tier I: The "Keepers"

These are the items we sorted into the initial keep file, even though all of them dont make the top 32. Your goal should be to get into this group.

For reference, in descending order, here are some of the groups that make the keep folder:

--the "Clearly Superstar" item: we judges can tell, every year there are a handful of items that really knock us out, these are generally the unanimous locks that make up part of the top 32.
--the "Potentially Superstar" item: the one that at least two of us really like and that we put in the keep folder. It is this group of items that we use our golden tickets on. They may not make the top 32 because there are usually more good items than there are slots in the top 32. May not be as mind blowing as the following, but has superior execution.
--The "Really Interesting But Flawed" item: either a super-interesting idea with some problematic execution, or an item with flaws that otherwise shows some great design mojo and creativity. These items usually get sorted into the keep folder but usually dont wind up stacking up against the above two groups.

Generally, there are about 50-60 items that get sorted into the Keep folder after all the submitted items are reviewed. We tend to "over-keep" rather than "over-cut" since it is easier to cull the bottom from the keep folder than to have to go looking back through the reject pile.

Tier II: The "Good But Not Good Enough"

This is a big group of the items submitted in the contest. It includes the following:

--The "Good execution of an average idea" item: the kind of item that might make a book of wondrous items, but not good enough to be superstar
--The "Poor execution of a above average idea" item: if it was a bit cooler, it might have made it into the keep folder as a "really interesting but flawed" item.

These are the items that just lack that "Superstar"-ness.

The above kinds of items generally are reviewed by three judges before they are kept or rejected. We often spend a good deal of time talking about some of these items. The larger this group gets, as it has, the harder our job as judges gets.

Tier III: The "Not Ready"

There are a large contingent of these every year, but as time goes on there are fewer in this group and more in the group above.

--The "Clear Reject" item: the spell in a can, the boring skill bonus item, etc. See Sean's list of bad item stereotypes.
--The "Auto-Reject" item: over word count, wrong format, gag item, other clear rules violations.

Items in this category don't require three judges to even see. Items in this category are sometimes rejected by just two judges. If there is any question that any judge might find an item worthwhile, we wait until at least 3 judges have reviewed it and if they all three reject it then it is rejected before the 4th even sees it. Auto-rejects (like over word count) get rejected sometimes by just one judge, but usually they are such glorious train wrecks that we keep them around for the other judges to see.

By the way, these arent formal rules, they are just our practice. But hopefully these "groupings" can help you understand where your item was at and help you improve. My fellow judges may want to add additional examples.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014 aka Ezekiel Shanoax, the Stormchild

Judges - Thank you for - as always - being so generous with your time, insight, and effort. Humbly, I pray for wisdom...

Entroposphere
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot -; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description

This fractured crystalline globe is 9 inches in diameter and rests on a squat helical stand of glittering mica. Inside the transparent outer sphere, a framework of concentric copper rings whirl in orbit about a central orb of lead flecked with diamond dust. While in use, the sphere hisses, pops, and thrums discordantly as webs of thin cracks spread and recede rhythmically across the crepitating surface of the globe.

Three times per day, a user may activate the entroposphere, choosing to either increase or decrease entropy, causing the sphere to radiate a 30-foot radius emanation of altered entropy for 5 rounds.

Within an emanation of increased entropy, the hardness and break DCs of objects each decrease by 5 (to a minimum of 0), the ambient temperature increases by 10 degrees Fahrenheit, and the color of existing light shifts towards a smoldering violet-red.

Within an emanation of decreased entropy, the hardness and break DCs of objects each increase by 5, the ambient temperature decreases by 10 degrees Fahrenheit, and the color of existing light shifts towards a cool violet-blue.

Magic items and attended objects may save to resist the emanation’s effects (Fortitude DC 20, roll the first time the item’s hardness or break DC is challenged, results last the duration). An entroposphere’s emanation does not affect itself or other entropospheres. Emanations from multiple entropospheres do not stack, but opposing emanations do counteract and negate each other.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, disintegrate, hardening; Cost 15,000 gp

Marathon Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I'm guessing Swiss Army Knife!

Astrolabe of the Mesmerizing Heavens
Aura medium illusion; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 12,320 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This intricate brass astrolabe is embossed with motifs of the firmament, and can conjure forth a representation of the cosmos. Three times per day the user may command the astrolabe to project a small, nearly transparent, sphere directly above the astrolabe. Studded upon the sphere are glistening stars, and within the sphere are 12 smaller spheres of varying sizes that orbit a central sphere in perfect circular motion. Once activated, the astrolabe continues to project the image for two hours or until deactivated by speaking the command word again. As a free action when activating the item, or as a standard action once activated, you may strongly present it forth at a creature within 100 feet. This creature must make a DC 14 Will save or be fascinated by the sphere for five rounds. This is a pattern effect that only the target is affected by. The fascination immediately ends if the target loses line of sight to the sphere. Sightless creatures are not affected. By using the sphere as an optional focus when casting an arcane spell with a duration of concentration, the precise geometric movement of the spheres can be used to aid the spellcaster. If used this way, as a move action the user may have the sphere maintain the spell for one round. The user can cast another spell in the same round the sphere is maintaining the spell. The sphere may maintain a specific spell for up to two rounds. Finally, the astrolabe grants the possessor a +2 competence bonus on Knowledge (Planes) checks.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hypnotic pattern, creator must have 5 ranks in Knowledge (Planes); Cost 6,160 gp

Star Voter 2013

Try to get in here early this time.

Holy Man's Flask

Full Write Up Entry:

Holy Man’s Flask
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot – ; Price 6,000 gp; Weight
Description

This small silver flask bears intricate engravings depicting beneficial acts of healing and charity. Imbued with the power to heal, this tool is said to have been created by a missionary to aid in spreading the blessings of his deity. Since then it has been replicated many times over and has become a boon to many a traveling adventurer.

The holy man’s flask allows its possessor the ability to convert the stored magical energy within any potion into a curative elixir. The holy man’s flask may be filled with a single potion. By uttering the command word, the flask will instantly and permanently change the potion within the flask to a cure-based potion of the equivalent spell level. The caster level of the new potion remains the same as that of the original potion used. This change cannot be reversed once completed. At this point the newly created curative may be stored in any standard vial or container as normal. The flask may be used as often as desired so long as there are potions available to be transformed.

Any mundane liquids placed in the flask gain no mechanical benefit from this ability although the user often finds that the liquid tastes fresher after having been housed in the flask.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, consecrate, cure serious wounds; Cost 3,000 gp

As always, thanks to the judges for taking the time.

Dark Archive

This year was my first attempt at a submission for the RPG Superstar contest - any feedback/criticism is appreciated to help me start preparing for next year:

Swifttouch Gloves
Aura faint necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot hands; Price 7,200 gp; Weight

Description
These fingerless black leather gloves can most often be found adorning the hands of foul necromancers. Three times per day, they allow the wearer to make a touch attack as a swift action. Their most common application is to allow a caster who is holding the charge on a touch spell cast in a previous round to release the spell in a following round with a swift action rather than a standard action. They do not alter the casting time of the original spell. The gloves can also be used by a creature with a natural touch attack (lich’s paralyzing touch) or a touch attack special ability (necromancer’s grave touch ability).

The creation of this item dates far back to the cyclopean empires of ancient Golarion; but the height of their popularity came during the rule of the Whispering Tyrant, who himself wore a much more powerful version of the gloves that gave him the swift touch ability at will along with several other potent powers. Most arcane casters serving the Whispering Tyrant possessed these items, which can still be found today throughout Ustalav in ancient ruins, haunted crypts, and battlefield sites.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, spectral hand; Cost 3,600 gp

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Card Game, Cards, Companion, Maps, Modules, Pawns, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Clark & Judges,
if you could please inform me of your views regarding my Wondrous Item submission I would greatly appreciate the criticism. Thank you for your time.

Shard of the Pilfering Leech
Aura moderate conjuration and abjuration; CL 7th
Slot Neck; Price 4,500 gp; Weight -- lbs.
Description
This luminous peridot gemstone is a majestically cut shard roughly 3 inches in length with a smooth, flat underbelly surface containing small jagged teeth. This item may be placed directly around the neck or the upper regions of the chest. Once placed, the shards tiny jagged teeth sink into the surface of the wearers’ skin. The wearer of this shard may remove only one of the following conditions per 24 hours: Fatigue, Shaken, Sickened, and Nauseated as a standard action. Once the shard has utilized this ability the item becomes deep green in hue, yet returns to its normal color once the 24 hours has lapsed. The wearer of the gemstone also receives a +2 resistance bonus to Fortitude saving throws, this bonus increases to +3 against injury and inhaled poisons.

If the wearer is an alchemist of at least 2nd level or higher, once per day she may isolate and extract a single dose of poison succumbed, or resisted, by the wearer contained within the gemstone. Siphoning the poison from the shard requires a Craft (alchemy) skill check with the DC and duration of the check equal to the Fortitude saving throw of the poison being removed. This check must be made up to 4 hours after exposure to the poison and will require the removal of the item in order for the poison to be procured. The shard must be worn for a full hour before it begins to work. If it is removed, the owner must wear it for another hour to re-attune it to herself.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, neutralize poison, restoration, resistance; Cost 2,250 gp

Shadow Lodge Star Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014 aka ugly child

My thanks for the feedback,

Quote:


The Kingfisher’s Cloak
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 6th
Slot shoulders; Price 6500 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This feathered cloak is iridescent blue with a lining of brilliant orange and glints faintly when wet. The garment allows the wearer to mimic the hunting style of the kingfisher. The cloak grants the user the hold breath special quality; when making use of this ability the user’s vision is unimpeded by water. Any piercing weapon, either melee or thrown, wielded by the wearer is unaffected by penalties relating to underwater combat.

Once per day as a standard action, the wearer of the cloak may emerge from a body of water in an impressive display, spraying water droplets and color in all directions. For 1 round upon emerging the user may fly 60ft (as the spell fly) with a +5 bonus to the Fly skill during this movement. Creatures within 30ft of the emerging user become dazzled for 1 round (Will DC 16 negates).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fly, water breathing; Cost 3250 gp

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 4 , Marathon Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Hi, my item was:

Skin Mask of Spell Meddling:
Aura moderate abjuration and evocation; CL 7th
Slot head; Price 23,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lbs.
Description
This diminutive, elastic mask feels like skin to the touch and resembles a hollow jinkin head. It easily stretches to fit any skull shape, matching the wearer’s facial features but lending a gruesome gremlin-like aspect to his countenance.

The mask allows its wearer to tamper with the magic of others. Once a day, when the wearer successfully identifies a spell being cast within 30 feet, he may activate the mask as an immediate action to sabotage that spell, either weakening or replacing it. To fuel the mask’s powers, the wearer chooses and expends one spell from his daily allotment. The chosen spell cannot have costly material components or a casting time that is more than 1 round, and must be of the same level as the target spell.

All variable, numeric effects of the target spell are minimized. Saving throws and opposed rolls are not affected.

Alternatively, if the wearer has the target spell on his class list, he can switch spells with the target creature. Both spells must be of the same type (arcane or divine). The mask captures the target spell, and the target creature knowingly casts the spell previously chosen by the wearer. If the creature cannot meet the component requirements for the chosen spell, its action is lost. The wearer may cast the captured spell once during the next hour as long as he keeps the mask on. Removing the mask wastes the captured spell.

A successful Will save negates the mask’s effects (DC 10 + 1/2 the wearer’s caster level + the wearer’s spellcasting ability score modifier).

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Quicken Spell, dispel magic, imbue with spell ability; Cost 11,500 gp

I´d love to see some feedback. Thank you all for the time you're taking to do this.

Liberty's Edge Star Voter 2013

Scabbard of the Scallywag
Aura moderate transmutation;CL 5th
Slot - ; Price 16,000gp
Weight 1lb
Description
This scabbard can shrink or enlarge to accommodate any knife or dagger but is too small for swords or other edged weapons. Up to three times per day on command the scabbard can imbue the blade kept inside it with the following effects for a 1 minute duration. It can grant the user a +10 competence bonus to climb and swim checks made while the blade from the scabbard is held in the user’s teeth. Also during this duration the wielder acts as if under the effects feather fall, as the spell, when the blade is cutting through cloth such as sails, curtains, and tapestries.

Construction Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, feather fall, creator must have 10 ranks in the climb skill, creator must have 10 ranks in the swim skill; Cost 8000gp

thanks for your time.

Star Voter 2013

I knew minutes after submitting that this wouldn't make it. I'm really nervous about just putting it out there, but I'm a glutton for criticism anyways.
Thanks to anyone (judges or interested participants or anyone!) who comments. I will attempt to return in kind:

Quickrift Chalk:
Quickrift Chalk
Aura moderate transmutaion; CL 7th
Slot --; Price 4,000 gp; Weight --
Description
Popular among thieves, spies and others who wish to gain access unnoticed to areas they’re not wanted, this pale piece of chalk, faintly inscribed with arcane runes along its length, enables its user to temporarily turn solid material into insubstantial space. When an enclosed shape is drawn on a wall, floor, or any inanimate material the white marks of the chalk bleed together, changing the encircled material into a shimmering translucent mist, allowing any tangible item or effect to pass through it. This effect lasts for 1 minute.

One stick of chalk allows its user to draw up to 40 linear feet, after which it is consumed. Multiple applications of chalk may be made in any arrangement; however, regardless of the size of the shape drawn an application of chalk always consumes at least 5 feet worth of chalk. For markings greater than 5 feet in length the amount of chalk used is always rounded up to 5 foot increments. If the material the chalk is applied to is greater than 10 feet thick the chalk simply creates a 10 foot deep misty niche as drawn. Subsequent applications of chalk can be made within the this space.
Individuals within an insubstantial space when the duration of the effect ends are shunted to the nearest exit.
The chalk’s effect does not change the structural characteristics of the the surrounding material and as such this material retains its hit points, hardness, and break DC as per normal.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, passwall, gaseous form; Cost 2000 gp


Gibber Bane

Aura faint transmutation and conjuration; CL 3rd
Slot -; Price 4000 gp; Weight -

Description

This three inch long hair-like strand of black fibrous material wiggles to life when touched. If placed against any surface where hair follicles grow it roots itself in, sinking one of its three inches underneath the surface of the host’s skin. This results in a slight itching sensation but causes no other ill effects.
Once a day gibber bane can be easily plucked from the body and commanded to fill a target’s mouth with writhing hair. These hairs completely clog the mouth disrupting bite attacks, breath weapons, and speech for 1d3+1 rounds. As a standard action the target may attempt to fish the hairs out of its mouth reducing this duration by one round and provoking attacks of opportunity. If a target has multiple mouths, every mouth is affected. Gibber bane may only be used on a single target within 60 feet of the host.
Gibber bane re-grows on the host’s body 24 hours after being used. It can be permanently removed with a special pair of tweezers that are usually purchased, or found, with it. This removal does not destroy gibber bane and allows it to be reapplied.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, entangle, summon swarm; Cost 2,000

=========================

Reviewing it myself I see a couple of problems. Price is too low and I think I should have allowed for a save against its effects.


Thanks for your consideration and time

Tome of Vile Training
Aura moderate divination, illusion and necromancy; CL 7th
Slot –; Price 28,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

Description
This slim book contains dark, arcane secrets and rituals for transforming a wizard’s familiar into a corrupted version of itself. If a wizard reads the tome and performs the rituals inscribed in the tome on his familiar for a total of 48 hours, over a minimum of six days, the familiar gains access to new and terrible powers to use at the aid of his master.

Veiled Advisor (Ex): The familiar gains a +5 to stealth checks, and the ability to speak and understand Aklo. This ability replaces speak with master.

Dark Guardian (Su): Once per day, with a standard action, the wizard turns his familiar into an alien phantasm of horrific appearance. The familiar’s statistics stay the same, but it becomes medium in size and gains the incorporeal subtype for one round for every four wizard levels. While in this form the wizard can deliver ranged touch and touch spells from the necromancy school through his familiar via the empathic link. This ability replaces deliver touch spells.

Bloody Enlightenment (Su): The familiar bites the wizard dealing 1d4 points of damage and attaches itself; dealing this damage every round the two are joined. In exchange for his health, the wizard gains the familiar’s basic statistics, saving throws, senses and skills if they’re better than his own. The wizard also gains access to the familiar’s special abilities. Once per round as a free action the wizard can take one ability from his familiar. He can choose any ability that his level would allow his familiar to have. This ability replaces speak with animal of its kind.

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, comprehend languages, phantasmal killer, vampiric touch; Cost 14,000 gp.

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014 aka Gio

I am once again asking for your feedback, just as I did last year I would like you guys to be as harsh as possible with your comments about my item, as I really learnt a lot about my mistakes with your previous feedback back then on 2011.

(This is the only version of my item I can post right now, my PC’s someone placed an explosive runes spell on my motherboard last month and I fell for the trap, this is just one step away from what I sent – the only difference being a small tweak on the description, and reduction of word count as this version is slightly over 300. I would be very grateful If any of you judges could post the version I sent. )
Starsong Harp
Aura moderate conjuration, illusion and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 38,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This beautiful harp is often made of black star sapphire, outlined by stylish silvery swallowtail butterflies.
As part of a Perform (string) skill check, the wielder can use the harp to provide illumination and comfort to his allies. A great or memorable performance (DC 20) causes the swallowtail butterflies to glow like tiny torches and detach themselves from the instrument, shedding normal light as they dance within 20-ft. An extraordinary performance (DC 30) changes the temperature inside the illuminated area to 70° F. The effect persists for as long as the wielder concentrates on the performance.
If a bard uses the harp as the audible component for his soothing performance, the ability takes effect immediately (instead of requiring 4 continuous performance). Once per day, when starting a soothing performance in this manner, a bard may expend two additional rounds of bardic performance and select one type of terrain from; Cold, Desert, Forest, Mountain, Swamp, Underground, and Water. The next time the targets of his soothing performance sleep (within 8 hours), they dream of the whispers of Desna within the beauty of a clear night sky. When they awaken, they gain various 24-hour benefits depending on the selected type of terrain; Cold (Burrow 30ft., Snow Vision), Desert (Burrow 20ft., Tremorsense 30 ft.), Forest (Low-Light Vision, move through any sort of undergrowth at normal speed), Mountain (Climb 30ft., move through any sort of slope, and rubble at normal speed), Swamp (Swim 20 ft., move through any sort of bog, and hedgerows at normal speed), Underground (Climb 30 ft., Darkvision 60 ft.), Water (Swim 30 ft., Hold Breath special quality).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dream feast , monstrous physique III, tiny hut ; Cost 19,000 gp
Special Request to Neil

Spoiler:

I suppose you don’t remember me, I asked for harsh comments last year as well, and you were kind enough to hit me as hard as you could, which helped me a lot, you also provided really good advice on how to improve. If it is not too much to ask, I would be really grateful if you could tell me how much have I improved (if any), compared with my previous entry (Laurel Crown).

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 aka Cydeth

Whether I make it or not, here's my entry (I think I kept it up to date with the final entry).

Chalice of Eternal Fire
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This chalice is crafted of solid gold with tiny inset rubies, forged into a rising whirlwind of flames. From within the chalice leaps a flickering bowl of flames. When held the chalice grants the wielder +1 to their caster level for any spell with the fire descriptor. The chalice has three charges each day, restored at dawn.
Using the chalice as a material focus for conjuration (calling or summoning) spell with the fire descriptor costs one charge. A calling spell increases the maximum hit dice that can be called by 2. Summoning spells grant the advanced simple template to a summoned monster with the fire subtype.
Additionally the wielder of the chalice may call on the power of the plane of fire, as a standard action that costs one charge. The chalice erupts with torrents of flame from the plane of fire, spraying it into the sky and raining down all around the wielder, but leaving them unharmed. All creatures within 30 feet of the chalice except for the wielder take 8d6 fire damage (Reflex DC 16 half).
Last, the wielder may drink the flames from the goblet, transforming their blood into flames and granting resistance to cold and fire, as well as lashing out at those who harm them. For 10 minutes the character gains energy resistance 15 to cold and fire, and any creature that damages the character with a non-reach melee attack takes 1d6 fire damage. Using this ability consumes 1 charge.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fireball, lesser planar binding or lesser planar ally, resist energy; Cost 25,000 gp

Sczarni

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I already know like three things that are so simple that I screwed up on this. I hang my head in shame, but look up with doleful eyes seeking at least a pat on the head for effort.

Azlanti Librarian’s Key
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 9th
Slot –; Price 18,750gp; Weight –.
Description
These solid gold keys were originally crafted by Azlanti mages to allow quick access to their personal and shared libraries, but others have discovered the secrets of their creation. Using the key on any door activates the item. Opening the door reveals a barred wall filling the doorway. Behind the bars sits the ghostly figure of a librarian. In front of her is a pass-through drawer built into the wall.

Once per day, the owner may place a scroll of any level in the drop box and request a replacement spell by name from the librarian. The scroll then vanishes from the box. After the library door has been shut, the key will be changed into a spell trigger item containing a single use of the requested spell. The spell remains in the key until it is cast or the key is used to access the library. The spell requested must be of the same level or lower than the one placed in the drawer. If the replacement spell has material costs, enough gold to cover the costs must be placed with the original scroll.

Instead of exchanging a scroll, the librarian can be hired to research a given topic. The librarian charges 10gp for each +1 competence bonus to a Knowledge roll. The maximum bonus the librarian can supply is +5. It takes time to search the archives, resulting in a 2d6 hour delay. When the information has been compiled, the key will vibrate softly, signifying that the librarian has the research ready.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mnemonic enhancer, secure shelter, contact other plane; Cost 9,375gp

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014

Interested in feedback! My submission:

Mushroom of the Fey Ring
Aura faint conjuration and enchantment; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 3,000 gp; Weight
Description
This mushroom-shaped vial is carved from an oak’s heartwood and contains shimmering dust that attracts fey. If the owner is in a forested area at sunset, they may sprinkle all the dust in a small circle around a magic wand that contains an enchantment spell. Mushrooms then spring from the dust circle. If left undisturbed and unobserved overnight—the theory goes—a fey visits, tries out the wand, alters the wand’s spell as either a gift or a trick, and departs. At dawn, the wand has 1d6 fewer charges (to a minimum of 0) and the wand’s contained spell changes to a random spell from enchantment spells of the same level from the same class' spell list.

Additionally, an owner of non-lawful alignment who casts either summon monster or summon nature's ally can use a full mushroom as an additional spell focus, though this consumes the dust inside. Doing so permits the summoning of a creature marked with a "*" from the summon monster table of the same spell level as a "fey ring" creature (treat as the entropic template with DR/cold iron rather than DR/lawful, a +1 luck bonus to AC and saving throws, but without smite law) instead of the celestial or fiendish template. This option makes the spell chaotic. Alternately, casting summon monster may summon a fey creature from the summon nature's ally table of the same spell level.

If empty, the mushroom's contents are replenished at dawn a total of seven times, after which the magic of the mushroom fades.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beguiling gift, summon monster I or summon nature's ally I; Cost 1,500 gp

Marathon Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014

I'd love to get your feedback!

Mask of Many Roads
Aura strong divination and conjuration; CL 15th
Slot head; Price 170,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

Description

This carved wooden mask is stained with occult markings. Anyone looking through its serpentine eye sockets can see across Planes to the Ethereal, granting them a see invisibility effect.

The true power, however, allows the wearer to create a crossroads between worlds once per day. They must shout a command word which is carved inside of the mask in Aklo.

Activation is a full-round action, and establishes a nonmoving bubble of radius 100ft. centred around the mask. Upon activation the speaker must designate a single Plane near their own. The Transitive Planes are near the Prime Material and each other, and the Astral Plane in particular connects to every Plane. Inner Planes are near each other, and Outer Planes connect to other Outer Planes which share an alignment component.

The wearer can choose which Plane dominates inside the crossroads for each of the following traits: gravity, morphic, elemental, alignment, and magic. Time proceeds at the rate of the slower Plane. Interplanar interaction is possible, allowing material contact with the extraplanar. A trait can be changed as a swift action.

Extradimensional spaces such as a rope trick collapse within the crossroads, scattering their contents across an area equal to their apparent size. Creatures which leave the crossroads end up in the Plane of their choice. After 15 rounds or if the mask leaves the bubble, the crossroads collapses. People still inside are stranded on the Plane of the wearer’s choice.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, contact other plane, create demiplane, see invisibility; Cost 85,000 gp


Thanks for doing this!

Vest of Seven Pockets
Aura Strong Conjuration; CL 13th
Slot Chest; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

Description
This gaudy red velvet and gold-trimmed waistcoat boasts pockets at the breast, waist, and inner side, each just large enough to admit a human hand. Any person other than the wearer who reaches into the pockets finds they are silk-lined, going about six inches deep. Only when one dons the vest before reaching into the pockets is the item's true nature revealed.
 
In truth, each of the seven pockets is a nine-inch diameter portal which may open onto any location on any plane. Only the wearer of the vest may activate these portals, moving her hand—and any item she holds in her hand—freely through in either direction. There are no restrictions on what may pass through the portals, other than that it must be held in the wearer's hand. Depositing an item through one of the portals is a move action, while retrieving an item is a standard action.
  
The location of each portal is fixed by the vest's maker at the time of creation, and cannot thereafter be changed. To anchor the portals, the creator must specially treat an Immovable Rod, which is then activated at each of the seven locations. The Immovable Rod can afterword be safely deactivated and removed, leaving behind no indication (other than a faint conjuration aura) that the portals exist.

There exist versions of the Vest of Seven Pockets tailored for small-sized creatures. In such cases, the pockets are still large enough to admit a human hand, and the portals are still nine inches in diameter.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Plane Shift, creator must have access to an Immovable Rod; Cost 10,000 gp


I would say lack of rules fu, clarity, and SAK. Please be brutally honest, I can take it. All feedback will help me become a better writer and designer. Thanks for your time.

Helm of Eternal Hunger
Aura moderate varied; CL 7th
Slot head; Price 45,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Description
Cold, pallid, and leathery pieces of flesh are stitched together to create this helm. Sporting sharp teeth, pointed ears, and blood red eyes, the helm conforms to the wearer making him appear gaunt and predatory. The helm may be activated once a day for 10 rounds, causing many long tentacle-like tongues to explode from the wearer’s mouth to grapple creatures in a 20-foot cone. The multitude of tongues use the a CMB +14 and CMD of 23 or those of the wearer, whichever is higher. Barbs and hooks cover the tongues and constantly rip and tear grappled creatures, causing 1D6+4 damage, until the effect ends. The helm also grants the ability for the wearer to make natural bite attacks which deal 1d6 damage, assuming the wearer is medium, plus his full strength modifier. The wearer may also melee touch attack with his tongue, ten times per day and with a 10-foot reach, that can paralyze opponents (DC 16 Fort save negates) for D6+1 rounds. The tongue has 10 hit points, hardness 0, and if destroyed, may regenerate after the wearer consumes raw humanoid flesh. Those wearing the helm are also constantly hungry for the flesh, particularly decaying flesh, of other humanoids. This hunger is never sated, no matter how much flesh is eaten. When outside of combat, the wearer must make a Will save (DC 10+1 for every successful save since the last feeding) to resist stopping and eating any dead humanoid he encounters. The wearer will continue eating the flesh until he passes the failed Will save amount minus one for every round he devours the flesh.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate rope, black tentacles, ghoul’s touch; Cost 22,500 GP


I would love some feedback. Also, I'm prepared for "negative" feedback, so don't worry about sheltering my fragile emotions:

Fermenting Gyst
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 4,500 gp; Weight
Description
This gritty powder is sealed in a jar of darkened glass. A pinch of gyst added to any potion and allowed to ferment for one day increases that potion’s caster level by 2, to a maximum caster level of 9th. A character with an alchemist’s lab may double this increase to 4 with a successful DC 20 Profession(Brewer) or Craft(Alchemy) check and one hour of effort.

The potion acquires a unique, bitter taste that delights the palate. It cannot be contaminated by magical effects that spoil liquids, such as a black dragon’s corrupt water ability.

Once created, a single jar contains enough gyst to ferment 10 potions. The process is only effective once per potion.

Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, caster level 9th, trained in Craft (Alchemy); Cost 2,250 gp


Boots of the Skittering Sorcerer
Aura faint transmutation; CL 1st
Slot feet; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
These boots appear to be made of soft, supple leather, nothing more than a well-worn exemplar of their type. After wearing the boots for a full day, however, their magic attunes to the wearer. The boots have one charge per day, gaining a second charge at 8th level and an additional charge for every four character levels the wearer has attained past 8th level, up to a maximum of 5 charges per day at 20th level. He may spend one or more charges as an immediate action when he is the target of an attack or hostile targeted effect. For each charge spent, he may move 5 feet, following the rules as if these movements were 5-foot steps. If the wearer's ending location takes him out of the attacker's reach, out of the spell's area of effect, or out of the targeted spell's range, the attack automatically misses. This movement does not count against the wearer's movement for the round, nor does it prevent him from using a 5-foot step normally on his turn.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, expeditious retreat; Cost 2,500 gp

Liberty's Edge

Thought I've already stated in my feedback thread that I recognized that my idea wasn't exciting enough to be a superstar idea™, I am curious what about it kept it from being in the "Good But Not Good Enough" category.

Bracers of Skillful Manuevers
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot Wrist; Price 2,000 gp (+1), 8,000 gp (+2), 18,000 gp (+3), 32,000 gp (+4), 50,000 gp (+5); Weight 2 lbs.
Description
These sturdy ironbound leather bracers are adorned with images of heroic figures. Although useful to many, they are often favored by duelists, wrestlers, and shock troops. When worn they grant the wearer a +1 to +5 enhancement bonus to CMB rolls and CMD.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, aspect of the bear, creator's caster level must be at least three times the bracers's bonus; Cost 1,000 gp (+1), 4,000 gp (+2), 9,000 gp (+3), 16,000 gp (+4), 25,000 gp (+5)


Book of Convincing
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 9th
Slot --; Price 144,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This unremarkable-looking book is a favorite of thaumaturgical geniuses who lack debating skills. If the book is blank, or its command word has not been spoken yet, it has no effect and anybody may write in it. Once its command word is spoken, anything further written in the book is magically erased like the erase spell. Speaking the command word a second time does nothing; once activated, there is no way to stop the erase effect.

Anyone who reads the book must make a DC 16 Will save. Those who fail the save believe anything written in the book to be true, and their opinions on anything written about in the book change to match the book's opinions. At the GM's discretion, this may change a character's alignment. Once convinced by the book, nothing can make the reader doubt what the read in the book, but a successful break enchantment, limited wish, miracle, remove curse, or wish spell removes this effect.
Construction
Requirements charm person, erase; Cost 72,000 GP

Yeah, I know I forgot to put Craft Wondrous Item. If that was the sole reason I didn't get into the top 32, I will cry myself to sleep tonight.
EDIT: I just thought that it could be used as a slow-acting save or die item. Write in the book that the reader should kill themselves and they die.

Dedicated Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014

Thank you so much for taking the time to provide feedback!

Octopus Wraps
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot hands; Price 10,440 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description

These rubbery black hand wraps smell faintly of the ocean. On command, once per day, large tentacles burst from the hand wraps and extend to grapple a single target while an inky black mist coalesces around the wearer.
The tentacles have a range of 20’ with a CMB+5 and CMD+5 of the wearer. A grappled foe takes 1d6+4 damage and continues to take 1d6+4 damage for each subsequent round that it remains grappled. Each round, as a standard action, the wearer may continue a grapple, attempt a new grapple or dismiss the tentacles. The tentacles cannot be damaged, however they can be dispelled. The tentacles last for 7 rounds.
While the tentacles remain, a cloud of inky black mist envelopes the wearer and provides concealment from anyone more than 5’ away. The inky mist does not affect the wearer’s vision. Strong wind disperses the mist in 1 round.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, obscuring mist, black tentacles; Cost 5,220 gp


A big thanks to all of the judges for taking the time to provide this feedback. This contest has been lodes of fun. I'm new to the community and look forward to cheering on the Top 32...

Philosopher’s Apple
Aura strong transmutation, moderate evocation, feint conjuration; CL 16th
Slot none; Price 154,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

Description
This small adamantine spheroid is etched with a contour grid and contains a slight dimple with a squat azure crystal stem.

Once per day, as a standard action, the apple may be activated to create an invisible area of heavy gravity emanating outward in a 20 foot radius and lasting 8 rounds. Activation requires pressing down the stem and subsequently throwing it using the Throw Splash Weapon special attack (20 foot range) or placing it as desired.

Once placed, the apple locks immobile and its grid bursts with azure light. Grounded and flying creatures caught within its radius are slammed prone for 1d10 points of damage and, if flying, an additional 1d10 points per 10 feet pulled downward. Affected spellcasters must make a Concentration check (DC 20 + spell level) or lose their current spell.

The environment mirrors the effects listed for Heavy Gravity under the Planar Adventures rules. Anything entering the area suffers its effects immediately. Creatures exiting must make a Reflex save DC 25 or trip due to the jarring nature of changing gravities. Huge or greater sized creatures partially caught in the area ignore the above effects and are merely considered entangled.

When complete or dispelled, the apple implodes and disappears. After 1 hour, it falls from the sky striking the last user inflicting 4d6 points of damage (Reflex DC 15 for half) and imparting the benefits of brilliant inspiration for 4 hours or until a natural 20 is rolled.

These apples are awarded to faculty of the Arcanamirium for outstanding research and significant contributions in the field of Planar Studies.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, brilliant inspiration, retrieve item, reverse gravity; Cost 77,000 gp

Dedicated Voter 2013

Whip Wrap of Ydersius
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 5,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This snakeskin wrap covers the handle of a standard whip, starting with the tail and ending up with the head on the butt of the handle. This whip accessory was believed to be commonplace amongst followers of Ydersius.

Upon a successful attack followed by a successful grapple check, the whip will begin to constrict on its opponent, doing 1d4 points of damage per round the subject is grappled. Additionally, three times per day, the whip will inject poison (Fort DC 13; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d2 Con; cure 1 save) into the enemy, when a command word is spoken while the subject is grappled and constricted.
ConstructionRequirements Craft Wondrous Item, poison, animate rope ; Cost 2,500 gp

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Card Game Subscriber

Hello,

This was my first entry into the RPG Superstar contest.

Any feedback for future submissions would be appreciated.

Shane

Spoiler:

The Wanderer’s Market

Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 27,400 gp; Weight 3 lb.

Description

This intricate and fine rug looks merely decorative, but when a command word spoken, it transforms into a 20ft square and 10ft high merchant’s tent filled with empty tables and shelves. There is a constant breeze within the tent; the ground is level, covered in rugs, and kept clean by an attendant unseen servant.

A second command word summons forth a bound Janni ready to do business with the user. The Janni will provide sustenance for its guests if asked. When ready for business, and with a wave of the Janni’s hand, the tent fills with a multitude of goods.

The Janni has access to any weapon, armor, or goods of a non-magical nature. All can be found in its tent. If the good in question would not fit in the tent, it appears next to the tent after the rug’s user finalizes their transaction. The Janni is willing to buy magical goods from those in its tent, however it does not have any for sale. The Janni can also be a source of gossip from the material world and the planes alike, and will trade in gossip at the GM’s discretion.

The Janni is not bound to the user; however the character can still ask assistance of the Janni and it special abilities. Requesting the Janni’s aid works the same way as coercing service through the Planar Binding spell.

The tent springs up from the rug in just 1 round.

The rug is deactivated by speaking a third command word. It cannot be deactivated unless it is empty of occupants.

Construction Requirements

Craft Wondrous Item, Secure Shelter, Lesser Planar Binding; Cost 13,700 gp

Contributor

Evil Lincoln wrote:

I would love some feedback. Also, I'm prepared for "negative" feedback, so don't worry about sheltering my fragile emotions:

Fermenting Gyst
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 4,500 gp; Weight
Description
This gritty powder is sealed in a jar of darkened glass. A pinch of gyst added to any potion and allowed to ferment for one day increases that potion’s caster level by 2, to a maximum caster level of 9th. A character with an alchemist’s lab may double this increase to 4 with a successful DC 20 Profession(Brewer) or Craft(Alchemy) check and one hour of effort.
The potion acquires a unique, bitter taste that delights the palate. It cannot be contaminated by magical effects that spoil liquids, such as a black dragon’s corrupt water ability.
Once created, a single jar contains enough gyst to ferment 10 potions. The process is only effective once per potion.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, caster level 9th, trained in Craft (Alchemy); Cost 2,250 gp

Here was my issue:

Maximum modified caster level is 9, so normal caster level max is 7. Assuming a 3rd-level potion (the max for potions), that's a potion costing 3 x 7 x 50 = 1,050 gp, which you're increasing to an effective cost of 3 x 9 x 50 = 1,350 gp, a difference of 350 gp.

At the cost of one pinch of this stuff, which costs 450 gp.

So you spend 450 gp to get a benefit worth (at best) 350 gp.


First time entry for this. Negative feedback appreciated too! Just tell me why it is unworthy.

Light's Last Hope
Aura strong evocation [good]; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 23,600 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This elegant bronze lantern sheds light as a normal lantern for anyone who commands it to. In the hands of an individual with access to the Sun domain, it sheds bright light as per light spell at will. When wielded by a follower of Sarenrae, it can save the individual from certain death by calling out to Sarenrae for aid. Her servant Bryla answers the call and smites the area around the user with holy power, burning evil aligned creatures with holy fire for 5d8+10 within 60 ft and blinding them for 1d4+3 rounds (DC 20 will save for half damage and negate blindness). This causes the lantern to melt, leaving behind a useless molten bronze lump of metal and the land affected by Bryla is hallowed (as per hallow).
Construction
Requirements craft wonderous item, hallow, holy smite, light, creator must worship Sarenrae; Cost 11,800 gp

Marathon Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I think the Gyst was meant partially for potions you find in the wild.


I would love to get feedback on my item:

Boots of Trailblazing
Aura Faint Transmutation; CL 5th
Slot feet; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
These heavy, travel-worn boots warp terrain around the wearer creating a smoother, flatter path for travel. Beneath the soles of the boots muddy ground dries and firms, dead wood and branches decompose and living plants shrivel or squirm out of the way.

This trail forms immediately in front of the wearer's feet and extends 10 feet to both sides. The trailblazing affects any areas of undergrowth, rubble or bog making them one level less difficult (for example, heavy undergrowth is treated as light and light undergrowth is removed). This effect is permanent until reversed by outside forces such as plant growth or natural erosion but it is impossible to blaze the same trail over again (so you cannot walk over Heavy undergrowth twice to remove it completely). The trailblazing effect does not provide any protection against magically created growth or barriers such as entangle or wall of thorns and will not alter man-made terrain features.

When traveling overland the wearer treats all Trackless terrain as though they were traveling along a trail. Since the trail is permanent any companions benefit from this as well so long as the wearer takes the lead.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Diminish Plants, Stone Shape; Cost 7,500 gp

Dark Archive Star Voter 2013

Sponge Stone Maid
Aura;weak conjuration CL 12th
Slot None; Price 18,000gp; Weight 1lb
Description
This yellowish brown sponge the size of a small fist flies around its master in an orbit similar to Ioun Stones. It glows with the strength of a candle. Upon command the sponge can be asked to clean an area, this is a free action. The sponge will clean a 5 foot cube every round, removing any spilt liquid on the floor, removing all webs in the area, cleaning the air including getting rid of any fog, mist or smoke and destroying any non-creature fungus in the 5 foot cube it cleans. The Iou Sponge has an AC14, hardness 3, 10 hit points and is immune to bashing damage. The Iou Sponge has a fly speed of 10ft. Since it is very light it can be easily blown away by strong winds.
Construction
Requirements Craft wondrous item, light, prestidigitation, mage hand, unseen servant; Cost 9,000gp

hopefuly better than last years!


frictionmachine wrote:

Whip Wrap of Ydersius

Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 5,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This snakeskin wrap covers the handle of a standard whip, starting with the tail and ending up with the head on the butt of the handle. This whip accessory was believed to be commonplace amongst followers of Ydersius.

Upon a successful attack followed by a successful grapple check, the whip will begin to constrict on its opponent, doing 1d4 points of damage per round the subject is grappled. Additionally, three times per day, the whip will inject poison (Fort DC 13; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d2 Con; cure 1 save) into the enemy, when a command word is spoken while the subject is grappled and constricted.
ConstructionRequirements Craft Wondrous Item, poison, animate rope ; Cost 2,500 gp

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

I like this as a weapon, not a wonderous item.

Does it grapple after a successful attack or do you attack one round then grapple? I am confused by the wording. Is it a "free" grapple like a wolf's "free" trip attack?
It's pretty inexpensive, too.

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014

Thanks Clark and Neal and Sean.

Not sure I need to here "SAK"... from y'all so not requesting it just yet. :)

Star Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Cloak of the North Star
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 56,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This full-length leather cloak has a large compass, with an eight-pointed star above it, imprinted on the back. Long leather horns fashioned like elven ears rise out of the cloak's upraised collar.

The first benefit of the cloak is that the wearer always knows the location of true north.

As a swift action, the wearer can mentally picture one of the eight compass points, causing the cloak to animate and, through an undulating motion of leather, carry the wearer 5 feet in that direction. This movement does not provoke attacks of opportunity, ignores difficult terrain and works whether the wearer is standing, sitting or prone. This ability does not work if the wearer is grappled, but so long as the cloak itself isn’t restrained movement may be possible in other cases, subject to GM discretion.

Additionally, an ally within 30' of the wearer can, as a standard action, speak one of the eight compass directions followed by the word "star", at which point the "ears" on the cloak perk up as if listening and then the cloak dutifully carries the wearer 5 feet in the indicated direction as if the wearer had activated the ability herself.

In any event, the cloak can never move the wearer more than 5 feet in any round.

Lastly, as a standard action, the wearer can gain the benefits of water walk. This effect lasts for a total of up to 10 minutes per day. This duration need not be continuous, but it must be used in 1 minute increments.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, adjuring step, know direction, unseen servant, water walk; Cost 28,000 gp


SMurphy wrote:

Hello,

This was my first entry into the RPG Superstar contest.

Any feedback for future submissions would be appreciated.

Shane

** spoiler omitted **

I think this would fall into several of the auto-reject categories, the one that comes to my mind is "makes adventuring safe."

Also, one issue I have is this: what prevents a skilled thief from just stealing everything from the Janni?

Scarab Sages Marathon Voter 2014

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Card Game, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Stubborn Nail
Aura moderate abjuration and faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot feet; Price 24,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This admantine nail is three inches long. As a standard action you, or another creature, may easily push the nail, by hand, through and into any non-living material, including metal, stone and cut wood. You may likewise push it through more than one item at a time, so long as the width of each item will allow this. Once the nail has been pushed into place, only the one who embedded it may easily pull it out again. All others attempting to remove the nail must make a successful Strength check to do so, where the DC of the attempt is equal to 10 plus the combined hardness of the items the nail is in. Once the nail has been removed, there is no evidence, such as a hole, to indicate it has been used nor does the nail ever damage that which it has been used to secure.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, arcane lock, mending ; Cost 12,000 gp

Silver Crusade

What about the Elixir of the Snail ?

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

My submission this year was the Phantom Glove. Thanks in advance for the feedback!

Glove, Phantom
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 3,000 gp; Weight
Description
Once per day on command, this frayed white glove becomes a ghostly disembodied hand. It flies from the wearer to strangle an enemy within 50 feet, preventing speech and spellcasting. The wearer must not be holding anything in the gloved hand when initially commanding the phantom glove.

The glove makes a combat maneuver check against the target using the wearer’s CMB with a +4 bonus. If successful, the glove begins to strangle the target, as the monster ability, except that the glove and target are not considered grappling. Removing the glove from the target is a standard action and requires a successful combat maneuver check against the wearer’s CMD. If the glove misses or becomes removed, it hovers in the target’s space and attacks again each round. It moves with the target even while not strangling, and continues attacking even if it moves beyond the initial 50-foot range limit. The glove does not provoke attacks of opportunity.

The glove persists for five rounds or until destroyed, at which point it dissipates and reappears on the wearer’s hand. While activated, the glove has the defensive qualities of a spectral hand spell, except that it has 10 hit points which do not drain the wearer. While the phantom glove is strangling, weapon damage negated by its incorporeal quality is instead dealt to the strangled victim.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, spectral hand; Cost 1,500 gp

Marathon Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014

Thank you in advance, judges, for all critiques. An excellent job once again all around.

Apothecary’s Atomizer
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This pure silver atomizer resembles a mighty dragon in flight, save for a small, squeezable pump behind its ears.

A stopper on its back allows the user to fill its stomach with up to four identical potions (a full-round action which provokes attacks of opportunity and requires two hands). Once filled, the atomizer allows the user to dispense the potions inside on himself, others, or objects merely by spraying them. Spraying oneself or a single adjacent creature or object is a swift action – spraying more than one creature or object is a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. The user may spray up to four such creatures or objects (each spray consuming one potion) in one round, though spraying an unwilling creature requires a ranged touch attack with a maximum range of 5 feet. Using the atomizer to dispense a potion requires only one hand. Alchemist infusions may also be dispensed with the atomizer, but extracts or mutagens cannot. Mixing potions or infusions of different spells ruins all of them, rendering them inert.

Alternatively, instead of targeting individual creatures, the user may create a cloud of potion mist around himself. Doing so is a full-round action which provokes attacks of opportunity, consumes four potions or infusions, and creates a 10-foot radius sphere cloud. The cloud is not thick enough to obscure sight, and lasts for one round, though a moderate wind (11+ mph) disperses the cloud immediately, preventing it from granting any effects to those inside. The cloud affects all breathing creatures that remain inside for one full round as if the spray had targeted them directly.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gaseous form; Cost 4,000 gp

Contributor

Cheapy wrote:
I think the Gyst was meant partially for potions you find in the wild.

You're still paying more for the effect than it is worth. Yes, sometimes circumstances mean that potion is the only one you have, but even so the benefit of the item is in itself very situational (the difference between 2 caster levels of a potion isn't very much).

I don't think it's a bad concept, but the cost for this sort of thing is always going to be weird. I'd be tempted to make it a feat, or something an alchemist can learn to do, especially as the item already gives a mechanism for allowing someone to use an alchemy lab to improve the results (and yes, I'm aware that affects the cost calculation I did).

(Technically, "upgrading" a potion is something you can do with the new-minus-old price rule for upgrading magic items, but spending a full day to do that would be lame, so if you made it a feat or discovery you'd want it to be faster.)

Other judges pointed out: you didn't capitalize Craft Wondrous Item (it was in the template), caster level isn't normally part of the construction requirements unless you really mean the creature has to be CL 9th, doesn't list any spell requirements so that also lends itself to being an alchemical item rather than a wondrous item, construction doesn't explain what "trained in alchemy" means (1 rank? 9 ranks?), proper formatting is to say "creator has X ranks in Craft (alchemy)," and boosting a few more rounds or minutes out of a potion isn't that exciting.


Sean K Reynolds wrote:
Evil Lincoln wrote:
Fermenting Gyst

Here was my issue:

Maximum modified caster level is 9, so normal caster level max is 7. Assuming a 3rd-level potion (the max for potions), that's a potion costing 3 x 7 x 50 = 1,050 gp, which you're increasing to an effective cost of 3 x 9 x 50 = 1,350 gp, a difference of 350 gp.

At the cost of one pinch of this stuff, which costs 450 gp.

So you spend 450 gp to get a benefit worth (at best) 350 gp.

Thanks, Sean.

I took a little risk by splitting the difference between the highest possible result (if you make the skill roll) and the lowest. I figured that people paying the money to make this item would probably be capitalizing on the skill; it was somewhat aimed at alchemists.

If I might ask, how would you price an item that has a "boost" type skill check attached to it, as this one does? Or rather, how would you have priced this and why?


My first submission to the contest. As I mentioned in a previous post, feel free to mangle it to death. I have a sneaking suspicion that I know at least 3 things that are wrong with it (perhaps even 4) but I would like to see your feedback! Thanks!

Thieves' Guide
Aura strong divination and transmutation; CL 12th
Slot ---; Price 27,500 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
This small amber figurine is crafted into the likeness of a crouching spider. By placing it within 5 feet of a corpse, or piece of one, and uttering the command words "show me", it animates and consumes a small bit of the cadaver. For the next 10 minutes it spins out a silk map that reveals the nearby (e.g., one or two dungeon levels) location of the most valuable item the creature knew about while still alive. Only one map can be created per day and any subsequent map made with the thieves' guide causes the prior one to decay into nothing.

By touching the map and uttering the command phrase "guide me", the spider animates (use the statistics for a Tiny animated object with the Additional Movement (climb) and Faster special abilities, however it cannot attack in any way) and guides you towards that spot by taking the shortest, most direct physical route towards it while remaining within 15 feet of you. If the area cannot be accessed, the spider guides you as close to the destination as it can and then becomes inert if you cannot find a way to open the path within 10 minutes. The destination may be changed at any time by touching a new area on the map and uttering the command phrase once more. The thieves' guide can remain animate for one continuous period of 120 minutes per 24 hours when used in this way.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, create treasure map, find the path; Cost 13,750 gp

Marathon Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014

Azlanti Librarian’s Key

I like the ideas and imagery here a lot. I can imagine where the judges saw some crunch issues, but the concept is cool.


I'd like to thank the judges in advance for any feedback and constructive criticism that can be offered regarding my submission. Knowing where the submission erred and what tier it may have ended up in will definitely be taken seriously in preparing for next year's competition. I have my suspicions why it didn't make the cut, but I will leave the critique to the experts. I believe this is my submission as it was entered:

Assassin Eye

Aura moderate divination and evocation; CL 7th
Slot –; Price 4,800 gp; Weight –;

Description
This small metal sphere has a fine gold pattern etched across its dark surface. When placed upon a smooth floor and purposefully set into motion, the possessor of an Assassin Eye can control its movement and view its surroundings until they choose to detonate it. Upon detonation, the sphere explodes, dealing 7d6 points of fire damage to every creature within a 20-ft. radius.

Once activated the possessor can propel the Assassin Eye up to 10 feet per round (100 feet per minute) along any smooth surface, to a maximum distance of 340 feet in any direction. While it is moving, the possessor can view the Assassin Eye’s surroundings as if using the Arcane Eye spell. Once detonated, an Assassin Eye explodes as a fireball spell (Reflex DC 14 half).

An Assassin Eye can travel outside the possessor’s line of sight and pass through openings up to 1 inch in diameter, but cannot pass through solid barriers or enter another plane of existence. An Assassin Eye is neither invisible nor silent. Creatures can detect an Assassin Eye with a successful Perception check (DC 25). If an Assassin Eye detonates on the same round in which it is detected, the round in which it is detonates is always treated as a surprise round.

To use an Assassin Eye the possessor must concentrate and can take no other actions while using it. An Assassin Eye will remain active indefinitely while the possessor continues to concentrate. If the possessor ceases to concentrate, the Assassin Eye will become inert until retrieved and activated again. An Assassin Eye always detonates automatically the third time it becomes inert.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Arcane Eye, Fireball; Cost 2,400 gp

Liberty's Edge

I felt really good about this one. It would be great to know where I went wrong. Thanks much!

Pharasmian Tomb Stone
Aura - Moderate Conjuration; CL 9th
Slot - none; Price - 3,000 gp; Weight - 1 lb.
Description
This pocket-sized whetstone is crafted from the headstone of a hero-priest of Pharasma, goddess of the dead. Up to three times per day, it can be applied to any slashing or piercing weapon to give it the ghost touch property for 1 minute.
Construction
Requirements
- Craft Wondrous Item, Plane Shift, Patron Deity - Pharasma; Cost 1,500 gp

Contributor

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Evil Lincoln wrote:
If I might ask, how would you price an item that has a "boost" type skill check attached to it, as this one does? Or rather, how would you have priced this and why?

Honestly? I normally say, "That's really hard to price accurately, because at lower levels you're likely to fail, get the worse version, therefore should price it low, but that means the higher-level guy who always succeeds can get the item for cheaper than it should be. And if you price it for higher levels where you're always going to succeed and get the better version, that means it costs too much for the lower-level guys... and they're the ones who get the most benefit from potions, because potions are low-level items (spell level cap of 3). So it's probably best to remove that aspect of the item so you don't have to deal with it."

We got a lot of items this year (like every year) where there's some variable effect determined by a skill roll, or the item's uses per day are determined by the user's level or ability score. That means the item is more effective in the hands of higher level/more powerful characters, and that makes it hard to price. Avoid doing that sort of thing, because it's a minefield.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 aka Madgael

Thank you sirs, may I have another?

Shackles of the Merciful Confessor
Aura faint enchantment and necromancy; CL 4th
Slot wrists; Price 25,250 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
These masterwork manacles are crafted of highly polished steel inlaid with black and azure runes. When used to bind a creature of Small to Large size, their wearer receives a number of temporary hit points equal to its Constitution score and is warded from pain as if affected by a delay pain spell.

At any time, the binder (the individual who placed the shackles on the creature) may ask questions of the wearer. If the creature understands and is able to answer, it must do so truthfully, unless it resists by succeeding on a DC 13 Will save for each question asked. Success means the wearer may avoid answering that question entirely or may answer evasively as long as it remains within the boundaries of the truth, but it is also sickened for 2d4 rounds. Once the wearer resists a question, repeated inquiries demanding identical information do not require additional saves. However, a question altered to ask for a slightly different answer does require a new save to resist. This is a mind-affecting compulsion enchantment.

The temporary hit points and delay pain effect remain only as long as the shackles are worn on both wrists. On their removal, the creature reverts to the hit point total it had immediately prior to being bound (disregarding any healing received in the interim). If the wearer was dying prior to being bound, it remains staggered while wearing the shackles.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, confess, delay pain, false life; Cost 12,625 gp

(FWIW that's my last locally saved draft. I may have tweaked some wording once I was actually finalizing my entry...)

Star Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Thanks for the feedback.

FIREBIRD JESSES
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot feet; Price 18,000 gp; Weight
DESCRIPTION
These long, red silk and leather jesses, with a matching glove, make a bird look handsome as they furl about the animal in fight, but once activated they transform the creature into a bolt of fiery rage.

It takes one minute to secure the jesses to the ankles of any small or tiny creature with a talon or claw attack and a listed fly speed; afterward the jesses can be activated by the wearer of the glove four times per day from up to 60 ft. away.

Activating the jesses as a move action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity causes the creature wearing them to burst into flame. The flames do not harm or alarm the creature, but until the beginning of your next turn they gain the benefits of the Spring Attack feat and their attacks do an additional 1d4 fire damage.

Alternatively, activating the jesses as a standard action provoking attacks of opportunity you can concentrate on the creature and cause it to take the form of a small fire elemental. Then, till the beginning of your next turn, the creature gains the benefits of the Spring Attack feat, plus it is affected as if by the spell elemental body I.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, elemental body I; Cost 9,000 gp

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