Clearly wrong but hilarious rulings you made as a GM?

[Mightypion]

Hi,

what are the most funny clearly wrong but hilarious rulings you made as a GM?

I got a Barbarian player (Orcish), and there was a situation where he didnt have a ranged weapon left, so he grabbed a random Porcupine and threw it at a BBEG Wizard. He initially missed because of improvised weapon proficiency (lack thereoff actually), and then came up with the hilarious RAW claim that "Porcupine" has the word "Orc" in it, and is therefor treated as a martial weapon for him.
He is now plotting for how to slap people with an Orca.

[DungeonmasterCal]

This didn't happen in Pathfinder but in a D&D 2e game long ago. One of my players was using a homebrewed race called Buil, who were pretty much mostly human but bred as heavy labor and shock troops by the empire. He was nearly 8 feet tall and very strong. They had *almost* gotten away with their plan when someone noticed what they were doing. He won initiative and grabbed a pumpkin from a wagon and hurled it at a city guard. We used a crit/fumble chart and he rolled 00 (head shot, instant death). He added "Punkin' Chucker" to his name after that.

[Claxon]

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

This didn't happen in Pathfinder but in a D&D 2e game long ago. One of my players was using a homebrewed race called Buil, who were pretty much mostly human but bred as heavy labor and shock troops by the empire. He was nearly 8 feet tall and very strong. They had *almost* gotten away with their plan when someone noticed what they were doing. He won initiative and grabbed a pumpkin from a wagon and hurled it at a city guard. We used a crit/fumble chart and he rolled 00 (head shot, instant death). He added "Punkin' Chucker" to his name after that.

I'm intrigued by this story but think there's a reference that I'm definitely missing because I'm not picking up what they had almost gotten away with.

[DungeonmasterCal]

Claxon wrote:

I'm intrigued by this story but think there's a reference that I'm definitely missing because I'm not picking up what they had almost gotten away with.

It was a long and convoluted rescue mission to help a political prisoner escape from our setting's capital city. As they passed by a guard he noticed the guy's foot sticking out of the hay he was hiding under in the wagon the party was leaving the city on. He stopped everyone for an inspection, and that's when Throb (the character's name) hurled a gourd at his head.

Since there wasn't a rule for vegetables as weapons, I had to just make up something off the cuff. I figured out what an average pumpkin might weigh and I think I gave it a 1d6 for damage based on that.

[zza ni]

in 3.5 we had a Snake Hengeyokai (magical animal that change shape. the base for kitsune but can be any animal) druid who asked if she can have the half-orc barbarian party member as her animal companion. saying if a humanoid can have a snake as a companion a snake should be able to have a humanoid. he did have a very low int. so i agreed, letting him have some kind of a gestalt combination of his barbarian class with animal companion abilities.
She got to boss him around, he got extra abilities, better saves and such and it saved me from having one more creature on the battle map and turn order.

[Ryze Kuja]

The PC's were in a McSleepyVillage and there was this wildly-garish meteor that hit just outside of town, so naturally everyone in town was either watching this or heading out to investigate it. I meant for this meteor to be a "drop everything and go investigate this now" story hook for the PC's. Anywho, in true PC fashion, they went the entirely different direction (surprise surprise). Instead, the PC's decided they were going to rob the magic shop in town while everyone was distracted by this meteor. Since the PC's were only like level 3 at the time, and I didn't want them to make off with 300,000gp worth of loot and unbalance my game, but I still wanted to reward them for their ingenuity, I let them pick any 1 magic item that was 8,000gp or less and add it to their inventory and this item wouldn't be tracked for WBL.

Granted, I could have let the PC's make off with 300,000gp worth of loot and sent a sheriff's posse after them, but meh :P

[Azothath]

whaaaa? Like the Pope I'm infallible. The World does not make mistakes, it has creative chaos. The GM works in mysterious ways.

[Mark Hoover 330]

Another barbarian in one of my games; she had 1 rank in Profession: Woodcutter. Early in the campaign she decided to hollow out a log and carry it around like a kayak on her back because of the one time she actually failed a Swim check (bear in mind, she had no skills around boats, so...)

PCs get into a fight with fey creatures and due to a poor roll the barbarian loses her greataxe. She grabs the kayak lying next to her and asks what the damage would be. I ruled it as a Large sized greatclub, gave her the penalties, and doggone if she didn't hit with 2 swings in that fight. She's since taken both Catch off Guard and Throw Anything, and also had the boat blessed so it is treated as a +1 weapon.

[ShroudedInLight]

Most recently:

Incredibly Minor Rise of the Runelords Book 1 Spoilers:

The party was exploring Thistlestop and found a large gold and bronze helmet, one of them is a Telekineticist with Telekinetic Haul so I let them lift it up.

When the giant crab poked its head out I then allowed them to throw it out into the ocean despite not having Foe Throw. The party felt very smart for removing the threat, the Crab and its helm are now happily living on the bottom of the ocean instead of the tidal pool at the bottom of Thistletop.

I've also just ruled that my party's Mesmerist can trigger painful stare off the Burning Gaze spell. I can't wait to see what they can pull off with this.

[Kurald Galain]

One of the martial PCs was riding on horseback (which he didn't usually do), and attacking an enemy hobgoblin also on horseback. Since this was an exciting duel and they were close in initiative anyway, we decided to make our attack rolls at the same time... and promptly both rolled a one.

At this point I ruled they both overextended as the horses veered apart, and they both fell in a muddy tangle between the horses. I did give the PC an easy roll to land on top and he quickly dispatched his enemy, but not after some mutual embarrassment.

[Tim Emrick]

In my last Freeport campaign, the pirate PCs were exploring a jungle island with the help of a local guide (a low-level NPC expert). They encountered an allosaurus, who promptly charged the nearest character, who happened to be this poor NPC. He survived the initial hit, but was grabbed, and was clearly going to be swallowed and killed next round. The bard cast prestidigitation to make the guide taste bad, hoping the dinosaur would spit him out instead. That's beyond the intent of the cantrip, but I decided to go with "the rule of cool" and allow it, IF they could win a Bluff check. Being a bard, the caster did so easily. So their guide survived, and was gushingly grateful to the PCs for saving him.

And almost entirely because of that dramatic bit of improvisation, that fight is still one of the ones they remember best from that campaign.

[Bjørn Røyrvik]

In one game a PC died far away from possible replacements. To avoid the whole find a random stranger conveniently placed in the wilderness and say "You look trustworthy; will you join us?", the player suggested that her pet tortoise (which the deceased character insisted was her familiar) was actually a polymorphed character of the appropriate level and the dead PC had by some mysterious and innocent means kept the polymorph in place so when she died the poor victim was freed from his curse.

[Warped Savant]

Tim Emrick wrote:

In my last Freeport campaign....

Heck yeah, Freeport!

(I'm going to be using large chunks of the later 2/3rds of Return to Freeport in the Skull & Shackles game I'm running)

[Derklord]

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

We used a crit/fumble chart and he rolled 00 (head shot, instant death).

I feel like using crit/fumble charts is the very epitome of "clearly wrong but hilarious rulings". I mean, those always wreak total havok with both game balance and immersion/willing suspension of disbelieve, but there's no arguing about them (sometimes) being hilarious!

[DungeonmasterCal]

Same fumble chart, a couple of years earlier:

A character wielding a two-handed sword fumbled. The die result: 00 "Hit Self. Instant death". That one actually was hilarious as everyone felt they had to enact a possible way that could have happened. It was beyond the belief suspension ability, but the player wanted to allow it to stand because it was just too funny not to. It's been 35 years and she STILL laughs about it when the word "fumble" comes up in a game.

[ShroudedInLight]

Fumbles are amusing but mathematically problematic that I decided against using them in my own personal games. Its like misfires on firearms. If you swing a weapon as your primary form of participating in combat you'll roll low at some point and I'd rather not punish people whose plan is to go into combat swinging a weapon. They have things hard enough.

Now if spells could fumble we'd be in business.

[Bjørn Røyrvik]

Crit/fumble charts can be hilarious. Our very first foray into MERP had our very first opponents defeat themselves. One disembowled himself and the other threw his sword away.

[zza ni]

although fumbles are good aspect to color the fight. i had them somewhat restricted since the math would show that a master swordman (aka level 20 fighter) would fumble a LOT more then an apprentice (level 1 fighter) merely because he attacks more per round and a nat 1 should come by 1 in every 20 attacks.

so when i do use a fumble chart, i first add that every nat 1 is followed by a 1d100 (%) roll with a base of 5% per bab bonus to make the fumble a mere miss.
that way a level 1 fighter who roll a nat 1 has 95% to fumble while a level 20 has only 1% (and a level 1 wizard will auto fumble if he roll a nat 1.)

[Mudfoot]

As I've said before, bad fumble rules are bad rules. Good fumble rules are good rules. I use good rules. YMMV.

[McDaygo]

If a player rolls a 42 on a percentage roll; they not only succeed but succeed in such a way they get bonuses awesome act.