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And in headlines...
Nonlocal Man Disproves General Relativity
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A priest, a rabbi, and Kurt Godel walk into a bar and Kurt Godel says: "This joke may be funny, but I can't tell because I'm in it."
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Let R be a Field, G be a ring, and F be a group.
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This thread must burn.
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Let R be a Field, G be a ring, and F be a group.
I had a professor do that. And stick to the bit for the whole g+*$*&n lecture.
I was not amused.
He also used upper-case xi as a variable. Ξ. And then add bars above, below, above AND below, etc. to distinguish iterations of that variable in his equations. On a chalk board.
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Bar tender: I'm sorry we don't serve faster then light particles here.
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A tachyon walks into a bar.
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This thread must burn.
I don't think it's that bad that we need to consign it to the inner most ring of the 7th circle of hell.
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Speaking of conflagrations...
After last year's devastating fire, the French have been attempting to repair Notre Dame cathedral. Unfortunately, they've run into a tricky problem recreating the bells. Recordings and acoustic simulations show that the instruments are not tuned to any of the traditional Western scales--the notes are very close, but not quite, in the standard intervals.
Yep. The bells of Notre Dame are quasimodal.
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Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Did you forget your wallet?" Decartes says, "I don't think so" and vanishes.
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Seer: In yonder bush there is a monster with three ears, five
legs, two tails, and orange eyes!
Skeptic: Nonsense! In that bush there is no monster with three
ears, five legs, two tails, and orange eyes!
Seer: There is indeed such a monster in yonder bush.
Skeptic: There is no such monster in yonder bush.
Seer: You don't have to take my word for it, all you have to do
is go over and look into the bush, and you will see such a monster.
Skeptic: I will be happy to take a look for myself, but I can
assure you I will not see any such monster.
Seer: It is futile for us to discuss this further until you have
taken a look and see for yourself.
Skeptic: Very well, I will go now and look.
A few minutes later
Skeptic: Ha! ha! I was right! There is no such monster in the
bush.
Seer: Really? That is fantastic! I could have sworn I saw such a
monster in the bush.
Skeptic: That is the trouble with you seers! You are always sure
you see things which in reality don't exist.
Seer: I still can't believe there is no such monster in the bush!
Skeptic: I can assure you there isn't!
Seer: Did you look carefully?
Skeptic: Most carefully.
Seer: And you saw nothing?
Skeptic: Oh no, I saw something.
Seer: What did you see?
Skeptic: I saw a monster with three ears, five legs, and two
tails, but its eyes are yellow, not orange!
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Let R be a Field, G be a ring, and F be a group.
I had a professor do that. And stick to the bit for the whole g$%&&@n lecture.
I was not amused.
He also used upper-case xi as a variable. Ξ. And then add bars above, below, above AND below, etc. to distinguish iterations of that variable in his equations. On a chalk board.
There are times when one wishes for a heavy blunt object.
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Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Did you forget your wallet?" Decartes says, "I don't think so" and vanishes.
Hey calm it down their lets not go throwing des-cart before the horse.
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I'm not so sure about the person who started this thread, though.This thread must burn.I don't think it's that bad that we need to consign it to the inner most ring of the 7th circle of hell.
No, just the thread.
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No, just the thread.I'm not so sure about the person who started this thread, though.This thread must burn.I don't think it's that bad that we need to consign it to the inner most ring of the 7th circle of hell.
I spent some time on Tralfamadore, the thread would only appear to have been burned.
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Picasso’s mom walks into a museum and says “Pfft. My kid could paint that.”
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My last girlfriend was a sollipsist. When she broke up with me she said, "It's not you, it's me."
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One of my favorite movies tells the story of a Japanese game of rock-paper-scissors, from several different, unreliable perspectives. I refer, of course, to Roshamboamon.
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A Biologist, a Chemist and a Statistician Are Out Hunting
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
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Proof of maths perfidy.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
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Schrodinger Gets Pulled Over by a Cop
The cop searches the trunk and says, "Do you know there's a dead cat in here?"
Schrodinger says, "Well I do now!"
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Heisenberg get pulled over by a cop.
The officer says 'Do you know you were doing fifty in a thirty-five zone?"
Heisenberg replies, "Thanks, now I'm lost!"
The year is 1927. A twenty-five year old man named Werner slides a paper across a desk. Will it work? Unknown. Heh.
The year is 2341 (approximately). A man named Reginald nervously lifts a metallic plate and scans for any... problems.
The year is 1992. A fifty year old Jochen* is approached by a suspicious man in a trench coat. "Here." says the man in dark clothes to Jochan, shoving forward a strange metal**. "To ensure there are no... problems. Thank you for your... discretion."
"Mr. Jochen, sir, who was that man?" asks his nephew's friend.
"I dunno, but he keeps giving me this weird metal stuff. Want it?" shrugs Jochen.
"Shouldn't you keep it?" his nephew's friend asks.
"Look, I got a literal ton of it, and so does the rest of my family. It's harmless, and it's just a bunch of metal. We really don't need it - you take this one." Jochen says kindly. "What could it hurt?"
Again, in the year 2341 (approximately), Reginald says, "THIS ISN'T HELPING!"***
GET IT?!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHitsaterriblejokesorryI'llseemyselfout.
EDIT: I'm bad at coding, too.
EDIT 2: And, yes, this totally counts as education, dang it!
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Erwin Schrodinger may be immortal. He had a closed casket funeral.
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The real triumph of conditioning is that every time someone mentions Pavlov, we think of dogs.
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The real triumph of conditioning is that every time someone mentions Pavlov, we think of dogs.
I hadn't thought of penis mother it that way before.
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The real triumph of conditioning is that every time someone mentions Pavlov, we think of dogs.I hadn't thought of
penismotherit that way before.
*strokes chin thoughtfully*
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Heisenberg get pulled over by a cop.
The officer says 'Do you know you were doing fifty in a thirty-five zone?"
Heisenberg replies, "Thanks, now I'm lost!"
He also has to throw all of his meth out the window as he's being pulled over.
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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
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Shame. Shame. Shame.
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A Roman Walks Into a Bar and Asks for a Martinus
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
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A Roman Walks Into a Bar and Asks for a Martinus
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
Wayne and Shuster never grows old...
:)
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Which of course leads to:
Prince John once threatened to boil Tuck in oil.
Robin Hood protested:
"You can't boil him! He's a Friar!"
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Shouldn't he ask for a Martinum?A Roman Walks Into a Bar and Asks for a Martinus
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
Technically, but the accusative plural would be martinōs.
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Doesn't that depend on what declension 'martini' is? And who the hell is declining a martini?!
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Me. I don't care for alcohol (the smell alone makes me a little nauseous, and other reasons).
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Technically, but the accusative plural would be martinōs.Shouldn't he ask for a Martinum?A Roman Walks Into a Bar and Asks for a Martinus
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
But he only wanted one.
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I'm Reading a Book on Anti-Gravity
I can't put it down.
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Your eyes remind me of the stars. They look really dim from here, and the space between them is vast and empty.
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I'm Reading a Book on Anti-Gravity
I can't put it down.
I like your anti gravity book, it is enlightening.