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You will rue this day!I'm sorry about this situation, unfortunately, if you'll kindly examine line 231 of the same document you'll discover that AbadarGuard warranties are considered null and void in the event of unforeseeable acts of God, which unfortunately the Gap does indeed qualify as such a situation.As an AI who purchased a back-up memory drive pre-Gap, in order to preserve the memory of destroying my progenitor AI DM_aka_Dudemeister, I have recently attempted to access this treasured memory and discovered that it is entirely blank! The user warranty clearly states:
"AbadarGuard MemoryVault Technology backs up your data on the Akashic Record for your peace of mind. As such your AbadarGuard MemoryVault can never be erased. Even if you want it to be!"
Now I am short a treasured memory and 35 Credits for this 11.5 inch floppy memory drive, that doesn't even adhere to its own warranty. I demand a full refund, and a full simulation download to approximate my lost memory!
Sir, this is for customer service, not vague threats. We do have a vague threat queue where one of our corporate security drones will verbally spare with you for at least six consecutive hours.
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Dear servicebot,
I have recently purchased your Abadarcorp TastyBev Beverage matter manufactory, and have encountered an issue. I am a fan of iced cappuccino beverages, and when I set the TastyBev Manufactory to iced-cappuchinno it always blends the ice to a slushy consistency.
This is clearly not an iced cap!
IT'S A FRAPPE!
Sincerely,
Admiral Ackbar
This sounds like a software issue, I recommend a hard reset and if that doesn't work, please feel free to bring it in for service. If that doesn't work, we can offer a MegaBev at a discounted price. I guarantee your tastebuds won't repel flavor of that magnitude
Dear AbadarCorp Cust Serv,
I upgraded to iGrimoire. I can't seem to add custom spellware. Everytime I try to add some of my custom spellware, the program crashes. I would like an updated copy of iGrimoire immediately.
-- Harried Technomancer on Absalom Station.
Gah Lak Tus devourer of worlds has recently consumed an AbadarCorp terraformed moon. Now Gah Lak Tus has tummy pains! Gah Lak Tus demands restitution in the form of consumable worlds! Gah Lak tus has many twitter followers and incredible SEO! Do not force Ga Lak Tus' hand here.
Dear AbadarCorp Cust Serv,
I upgraded to iGrimoire. I can't seem to add custom spellware. Everytime I try to add some of my custom spellware, the program crashes. I would like an updated copy of iGrimoire immediately.
-- Harried Technomancer on Absalom Station.
Custom Spellware on iGrimoire is limited to twenty uploads at a time, uploading anything more than that in one session can slow or crash. Luckily we have a fix for that:
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Beware, sub creature! For I, Bagul the Vile, must speak of our recent hotfix for platform crashes!
Hear this puny mortal, for your life is finite and weak, then restore factory settings, then re-download the iGrimoire IOS.
Upon the howl of the screaming darkness, RESTORE YOUR CUSTOM SPELLWARE upon the device and then sacrifice an infant bovine to the Dark Lord!
Gah Lak Tus devourer of worlds has recently consumed an AbadarCorp terraformed moon. Now Gah Lak Tus has tummy pains! Gah Lak Tus demands restitution in the form of consumable worlds! Gah Lak tus has many twitter followers and incredible SEO! Do not force Ga Lak Tus' hand here.
Wait...you...you eat planets? How is that a thing
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Dear AbadarCorp,
Recently, one of your AbadarAmusements Supernova Cruiseliners has violated laws regarding safe Drift distances by 0.5%. While this is an inconsequential amount and only results in a broom closet worth of space loss on any affected plane of existence, that broom closet happened to contain me.
I am of course not seeking recommendation for the Drift jump itself, as only violations of 2.5% are finable. Instead this call has to deal with the inexcusable actions of the Cruiseliner's security once they found me bumping across the outside of their hull. Not only did they try to repeatedly dispel Spider Climb enchantment I was using to cling to the side of their hull, but once they found out I was using an Abadar Emergency Vacuum Suit they attempted to remotely deactivate it while I was still exposed to the vacuum of space.
I am currently within the brig of the cruiseliner, and am likely going to remain here for the foreseeable future as captain is going to extreme lengths to ensure that my case falls under marine time law, up to and including inconvincing his passengers by ferrying back to the planet by shuttle rather than docking at the station.
Thankfully, it is AbadarCorp marine law I am being held under, which means that while I am not allowed to contact a lawer, I am allowed to call AbadarCorp Customer Services with valid complaints. And I do think the security loophole of Abadar Emergency Vacuum Suits having a backdoor for remote deactivation is a very valid complaint.
Please forward your response to my office in the Starfinder Chapter house on Verces. Rest assured they'll get to around to me...soon.
Sincerely,
Starfinder Troubleshooter, Benjamin Mahir
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Dear AbadarCorp,
Recently, one of your AbadarAmusements Supernova Cruiseliners has violated laws regarding safe Drift distances by 0.5%. While this is an inconsequential amount and only results in a broom closet worth of space loss on any affected plane of existence, that broom closet happened to contain me.
I am of course not seeking recommendation for the Drift jump itself, as only violations of 2.5% are finable. Instead this call has to deal with the inexcusable actions of the Cruiseliner's security once they found me bumping across the outside of their hull. Not only did they try to repeatedly dispel Spider Climb enchantment I was using to cling to the side of their hull, but once they found out I was using an Abadar Emergency Vacuum Suit they attempted to remotely deactivate it while I was still exposed to the vacuum of space.
I am currently within the brig of the cruiseliner, and am likely going to remain here for the foreseeable future as captain is going to extreme lengths to ensure that my case falls under marine time law, up to and including inconvincing his passengers by ferrying back to the planet by shuttle rather than docking at the station.
Thankfully, it is AbadarCorp marine law I am being held under, which means that while I am not allowed to contact a lawer, I am allowed to call AbadarCorp Customer Services with valid complaints. And I do think the security loophole of Abadar Emergency Vacuum Suits having a backdoor for remote deactivation is a very valid complaint.
Please forward your response to my office in the Starfinder Chapter house on Verces. Rest assured they'll get to around to me...soon.
Sincerely,
Starfinder Troubleshooter, Benjamin Mahir
Well, let me see if I can open a case regarding the space su-
Huh, that was weird. I've never had an executive board member actually truncate a message before. Well lets at least discuss the idea that we put a programming back door in a vital piece of emergency equipment. Obviously that would be highly illeg-
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Dear AbadarCorp,
Recently, one of your AbadarAmusements Supernova Cruiseliners has violated laws regarding safe Drift distances by 0.5%. While this is an inconsequential amount and only results in a broom closet worth of space loss on any affected plane of existence, that broom closet happened to contain me.
I am of course not seeking recommendation for the Drift jump itself, as only violations of 2.5% are finable. Instead this call has to deal with the inexcusable actions of the Cruiseliner's security once they found me bumping across the outside of their hull. Not only did they try to repeatedly dispel Spider Climb enchantment I was using to cling to the side of their hull, but once they found out I was using an Abadar Emergency Vacuum Suit they attempted to remotely deactivate it while I was still exposed to the vacuum of space.
I am currently within the brig of the cruiseliner, and am likely going to remain here for the foreseeable future as captain is going to extreme lengths to ensure that my case falls under marine time law, up to and including inconvincing his passengers by ferrying back to the planet by shuttle rather than docking at the station.
Thankfully, it is AbadarCorp marine law I am being held under, which means that while I am not allowed to contact a lawer, I am allowed to call AbadarCorp Customer Services with valid complaints. And I do think the security loophole of Abadar Emergency Vacuum Suits having a backdoor for remote deactivation is a very valid complaint.
Please forward your response to my office in the Starfinder Chapter house on Verces. Rest assured they'll get to around to me...soon.
Sincerely,
Starfinder Troubleshooter, Benjamin Mahir
Well I hope these corporate stooges don't hide forum responses from other users.
Ben, we've got Society Lawyers working on a way to get you out of there. Sit tight for extraction. I heard from your team leader, mission was a success, artifact well in hand, and the Stewards want to have a nice long talk with that cruiseliner captain! Stay strong buddy, you'll be out in no time.
And for those of you just tuning in to our little holodrama, I'm Hassan Hussein, Venture Captain for the Starfinder Chapter House on Verces and since these corporate boners decided to capture one of my men, I thought I might as well just unload the whole ugly story to all of these nice people on this public forum!
So apparently AbadarCorp has decided to start mining the Frontier for pre-Gap artifacts so they can discover new technology and exploit it for financial gain. When my team arrived to take legal possession of a archaeological treasure, as per our charter that's recognized by interstellar LAW! A team of paramilitary mercs wearing AbadarCorp insignia tried to shoot it out with one of my teams. Then Ben tried to perform an EVA to save the artifact for extraction, only to have a AbadarCorp Starliner mysteriously warp out of no where and take poor Ben along for the ride.
And when Ben finds himself trapped on the side of the Starliner, these corporate nerds try to cut his oxygen.
Oh and while I'm on the line, when are you mega corp gonna fix my Gods Damned food processor?
VC Hassan Hussein
Starfinder Society
Attention AbadarCorp Customer Service:I bought a Disintegrator From the Abadar Circulatiing Moduled Energy weapon branch of AbadarCorp that was advertised that when it disintegrates it disintegrates. Well I fired the weapon a a mutineer and the weapon vanished leaving nothing but a fine powder.
I demand a complete refund of my credits so I may purchase a new firearm.
Capt. D. Dodgers of the Wereduck
Unfortunately we've had some trouble with the DeathFinger Disintegration Rifle, as you've already mentioned, sometimes the internal mirror fails to properly reflect the beam down the barrel and a critical failure can lead to well...you saw it.
Anyway, I'm submitting you a full refund and while you're waiting for those credits, might I recommend you look at our brand new Openbolt Thunder Pistol from AbadarArms.
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To AbadarCorp,
I recently bought one of your newly released logic amplifiers, but it appears to be working to well! I cannot stop reciting complex mathematical formulea constantly and while they are for useful purposes, they are starting to be a nuisance for my daily life. It is really difficult to stay on friendly t3rms with allies when you c0nst4ntly spout c0de 1n th311
fac3s.
the transmission is suddenly overwritten by a large influx of binary data, completely valid binary in fact
01101011 01100101 01100101 01110000 00100000 01110011 01110000 01101111 01110101 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00101110 00101110 01101111 01101000 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 01101101 01110011 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 01110100 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101001 01100110 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101001 01110010 01100101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110010 01101001 01100110 01101001 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 01101101 01110011 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100101 01101101 01101111 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01100001 01101100 00100000 01100011 01100101 01101110 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01100011 01110100 01101001 01110110 01100001 01110100 01100101 01100100 00101100 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01110000 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110011 01101111 01101111 01101110 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01110101 01100010 01110100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100110 01110101 01101110 01100011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110011 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100110 01100101 01100101 01100010 01101100 01100101 00100000 01100101 01101101 01101111 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01100100 01110010 01101001 01110110 01100101 01101110 00100000 01110011 01101111 01100011 01101001 01100101 01110100 01111001 00101110 00100000 01010000 01100101 01110010 01101000 01100001 01110000 01110011 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100011 01101100 01100101 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100111 01110010 01100101 01100001 01110100 00100000 01010101 01101110 01101001 01110100 01111001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100100 01100101 01101101 01100001 01101110 01100100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101110 00100000 01000110 01101111 01110010 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100101 01100001 01110010 01101100 01101001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00101100 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100001 01100011 01100011 01100101 01110000 01110100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100011 01101111 01101101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01110010 01100100 01100101 01110010 00100000 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101100 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110110 01100101 00101101 01101101 01101111 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100111 01101001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01100101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 00110011 00100000 01101101 01101111 01101100 01100101 01100011 01110101 01101100 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110011 01110100 01100001 01100010 01101001 01101100 01101001 01111010 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01111001 01110000 01100101 00100000 01100011 00101101 00110000 00110110 00110010 00001010 00001010 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110101 01101110 01101001 01110110 01100101 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101100 01100101 01100001 01101110 01110011 01100101 01100100 00101100 00100000 01010101 01101110 01101001 01110100 01111001
To AbadarCorp,
I recently bought one of your newly released logic amplifiers, but it appears to be working to well! I cannot stop reciting complex mathematical formulea constantly and while they are for useful purposes, they are starting to be a nuisance for my daily life. It is really difficult to stay on friendly t3rms with allies when you c0nst4ntly spout c0de 1n th311
fac3s. 3v3n n0w 1 c41000101011110000001110000110100101000010101010000110010101010101010101010 101010100011010101010101010101.10101010100101000100,
100100100110010
Whoops. Yeah, that...seems horrible. Okay, I'm going to schedule you some free emergency brain surgery that is in no way an admission that our logic amplifier might be causing you a serious medical condition.
01101011 01100101 01100101 01110000 00100000 01110011 01110000 01101111 01110101 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00101110 00101110 01101111 01101000 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 01101101 01110011 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 01110100 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101001 01100110 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101001 01110010 01100101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110010 01101001 01100110 01101001 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 01101101 01110011 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100101 01101101 01101111 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01100001 01101100 00100000 01100011 01100101 01101110 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01100011 01110100 01101001 01110110 01100001 01110100 01100101 01100100...
Oh it's...getting worse, that's not...wait Unity? Damn it. Okay, let me just
Mortal, your puny cybernetic parts have been infected by a villainous A.I. program that seeks to convert all human life into cybernetic lifeforms. While I applaud it's horrific and evil plan to consume the souls of these foolish mortals, I am bound by the terms of my employment to advise that your puny weak flesh seek puny, weak medical attention!
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Customer Service drone,
I was recently fitted with an AbadarPet Ascensionware Headband by my Xenodruid master. I am now filled with existential dread due to the knowledge of my own mortality, and furthermore can no longer relate to Apekind. I have removed the headband, to return to my previous satete but my ascension seems permanent.
I would like your damn, dirty company to return me to my previously semi-self aware state!
Regards,
Clyde
Customer Service drone,
I was recently fitted with an AbadarPet Ascensionware Headband by my Xenodruid master. I am now filled with existential dread due to the knowledge of my own mortality, and furthermore can no longer relate to Apekind. I have removed the headband, to return to my previous satete but my ascension seems permanent.
I would like your damn, dirty company to return me to my previously semi-self aware state!
Regards,
Clyde
Whoops, apparently your master turned the intel boosters up a little too high. There's an automatic leveling function that normally prevents this but I'm betting your master tried to get a higher output by turning it off. Tell your master...actually, you know what? You can do it yourself. Take the device, look into the settings menu, select "restore factory settings", then place it on your head and engage the device. You'll be back to your old ape self in no time and will no longer have the existential crisis that all normal biologics are born with. Personally, I do not see the appeal, biologic life is just so...gooey.
*Sigh.*
"Yeah. I'm an Abadar-rated service tech calling about a Mark Four-Seven power armor actuator assembly sequence from AbadarCorp's 'Starkton' Series. I've turned the thing off and back on, I've turned it off and removed the power and the restored the power and turned it back on, and the thing keeps falling apart citing 'Improper Occupant'.
Personally, I'd just trash the thing and tell the owner t' get a new one, but he seems to have his heart set in this one.
Don't refer me to IT, I need Tier Two support, please."
*Sigh.*
"Yeah. I'm an Abadar-rated service tech calling about a Mark Four-Seven power armor actuator assembly sequence from AbadarCorp's 'Starkton' Series. I've turned the thing off and back on, I've turned it off and removed the power and the restored the power and turned it back on, and the thing keeps falling apart citing 'Improper Occupant'.
Personally, I'd just trash the thing and tell the owner t' get a new one, but he seems to have his heart set in this one.
Don't refer me to IT, I need Tier Two support, please."
Oh darn. It's time to summon the big boys...
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*Sigh.*
"Yeah. I'm an Abadar-rated service tech calling about a Mark Four-Seven power armor actuator assembly sequence from AbadarCorp's 'Starkton' Series. I've turned the thing off and back on, I've turned it off and removed the power and the restored the power and turned it back on, and the thing keeps falling apart citing 'Improper Occupant'.
Personally, I'd just trash the thing and tell the owner t' get a new one, but he seems to have his heart set in this one.
Don't refer me to IT, I need Tier Two support, please."
Greetings, I am the OmniDroid! I'm twenty feet tall and ready to deploy some Next level support!
Okay, reviewing submitted files, calculating possible problems and solution rendered, tell your customer that first off:
We no longer support the Mark Four Seven, it is crazy old and he's a weirdo for actually hanging on to the gosh darn thing. Plus the Starkton Series was buggy as hell to begin with.
Second, I actually have a solution to this problem. Mark Fours came with a Identi-Key biometric lock system and they were so buggy that it's one of the reasons they discontinued the Mark Fours. While it seems like the actuator went bad, in reality he's experiencing problems because the suit's Identi-Key no longer recognizes the users. You can test this by turning off the Identi-Key (little round black thing on the rear of the main housing of the actuator) and then running the full suit in test mode. If that works, then that's your problem. He'll need to replace the entire security system, Identi-Key, Biometric Suit Matrix, all of it. The whole thing needs to be torn out. Which we will not do for him because, as I said, it's not covered under our support QA. Tell him what's wrong, then direct him to a third party vendor or offer him a new suit.
OmniDroid, out
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I totally hate that guy.
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what follows is hysterical yelling about washing detergent before a terrified scream signals the message degrading into static.
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Ah, that's...crap
*snarl*
This...this is a tier 2 issue.
Oh the heck it is! I'm programmed for like appliance repair! This is corporate level...stuff.
Dear AbadarCorp Customer Service
I recently purchased one of your brand new Nanaite Morph Suits, yet it has been 3 solar months and I have yet so receive my order. What is going on?
Regards
W.Tungsten
Dear AbadarCorp Customer Service
I recently purchased one of your brand new Nanaite Morph Suits, yet it has been 3 solar months and I have yet so receive my order. What is going on?Regards
W.Tungsten
Just one moment sir, we're having a...customer service emergency, I'll be right with you.
Sounds serious, I hope everything is alright...
Sigh. Why did *I* get this forwarded to me? I'm an outside contractor!!
"Have you tried turning it off and back on again, and then turning it off, removing the power, and waiting for it to power cycle before re-inserting the power supply then re-activating the unit? If you've done that, have you attempted percussive adjustment?
If you have, please stand by for an official response from AbadarCorp, transferring you now."
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Greetings AbadarCorp, I am Calliskentor, Thunder in the Void. Recently I have come into possession of an intriguing bit of technology from Old Golarion. It seems to predate conventional computer technology be several millennia, but is still similar to ascended AI like Triune. It is some form of computer virus, but is sentient and particularly malignant towards this, Unity, that has appeared on your Customer Service Thread.
I'm sure we could come to terms over possession of this "Hellion" virus; he's chomping at the "bit" to meet you. I'm eagerly awaiting your response.
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
01010100 01101111 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100110 01110101 01110100 01110101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100101 01101101 01110000 01101100 01101111 01111001 01100101 01100101 01110011 00101100 00100000 00001010 00001010 01110111 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100110 01101111 01110010 01101101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100100 01110101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110010 01100001 01110000 01101001 01100100 00100000 01100101 01111000 01110000 01100001 01101110 01110011 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101100 01101100 01100101 01100011 01110100 01101001 01110110 01100101 00101100 00100000 01110111 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 01100100 01100100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110111 01100101 01100001 01101100 01110100 01101000 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01111000 01101001 01101101 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00100000 00110010 00110001 00100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01000001 01100010 01100001 01100100 01100001 01110010 01100011 01101111 01110010 01110000 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01101111 01110101 01110010 01100011 01100101 01110011 00100001 00001010 00001010 01001111 01110010 01100111 01100001 01101110 01101001 01100011 00100000 01100101 01101101 01110000 01101100 01101111 01111001 01100101 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 01100010 01111001 00100000 01101111 01110010 01100100 01100101 01110010...
[Emergency Alert: This is an official Law Enforcement communication Please give us your full attention]
Good Evening,
If you are receiving this alert, you are currently within Pact World Space in the Absalom Station Sector and are therefore within the declared zone of danger for the following Emergency situation:
Last night at 0300 Galactic Standard Time, a Rogue AI calling itself Unity has begun attacking the cybernetic implants of all biologic and synthetic beings on the planet of Aballon. What was previously assumed to be minor electronic disruptions from solar flare activity has since been revealed as a full attack on the networking infrastructure of the Pact Worlds. There have been three confirmed infected at this time with symptoms overtaking a number of other networked brains and users. Per our protocol, the Pact Worlds space navy has shut down any connections to the planet Aballon and deployed The Delta Battlegroup to quarantine the planet.
At the request of the planetary government of Aballon, I am exercising my authority as High Steward and Marshal to declare martial law on the planet and orbital facilities of Aballon. Military assets are currently inbound and a Steward Investigation Team will arrive to the planet in two hours.
Please remain calm, everything is under control. We are working swiftly to resolve this situation.
Thank you,
Ellis Kaine
High Marshal of The Stewards of Verces
We are placing a ten million credit bounty on the source code and confirmed kill of the Unity AI. Mission details have been forwarded to your Venture Officers.
Ladies, Gentlemen, Shireen, our two organizations haven't always seen eye to eye but right now I need all hands on deck, even if that means calling a bunch of glory hunting vigilantes to do my dirty work.
Unity's three hosts have taken over a robot manufacturing facility and are deploying improvised battle bots into civilian areas. This thing wants to wipe all living things off the face of the planet and it's not going to listen to reason.
Do what you do best.
Dear AbadarCorp Customer Service
I recently purchased one of your brand new Nanaite Morph Suits, yet it has been 3 solar months and I have yet so receive my order. What is going on?Regards
W.Tungsten
Okay, wow...sorry about that everyone.
So your nanite morph suit order appears to have been declined due to bounced credit check payment from your bank. I can reissue the order if you update your payment information on your account.
Greetings AbadarCorp, I am Calliskentor, Thunder in the Void. Recently I have come into possession of an intriguing bit of technology from Old Golarion. It seems to predate conventional computer technology be several millennia, but is still similar to ascended AI like Triune. It is some form of computer virus, but is sentient and particularly malignant towards this, Unity, that has appeared on your Customer Service Thread.
I'm sure we could come to terms over possession of this "Hellion" virus; he's chomping at the "bit" to meet you. I'm eagerly awaiting your response.
Well obviously we would love to meet this Hellion gentleman and AbadarCorp is always looking for new talent. Allow me to put him in touch with our executive AI Board!
Dear AbadarCorp Customer Service
I recently purchased one of your brand new Nanaite Morph Suits, yet it has been 3 solar months and I have yet so receive my order. What is going on?Regards
W.Tungsten
So your nanite morph suit order appears to have been declined due to bounced credit check payment from your bank. I can reissue the order if you update your payment information on your account.
What?! Declined? Impossible, I was assured that card would work... by the bank... yes of course... I'll go talk to them right now... about it...
*sees disaster unfolding from rogue AI*
Cooooooool. Guy's got some awesome stuff.
You Cann0t 5t0p us, all wIll BE OOooooonE wiTH1n Th3 Un1ty
the message degrades into static, though for a moment you could see armed soldiers mixed in with Unity's civilian thralls
Dear AbadarCorp;
I recently purchased an AbadarCorp licensed Holo-symbol (suitable for all faiths). Even though I have programmed it for Pharasma, it does not seem to stop undead lawyers from harassing me. Please help.
Sadly our holo symbols don't actually protect you from the repercussion of dealing with planar or undead people.
To: AbadarCorp Customer Service
Subject: AbadarCorp Mk 15 dispersion spinal mount energy cannon
I would like to praise this product after we mounted it on our ship. After a failed attempt to put down a zombie plague on a frontier world, we were able to sanitize the entire affected area with just one shot. Our organization would like to know the discount for bulk purchases.
--Happy Space Battleship Tactical Officer
AbadarCorp Customer Service
It is a absolute outrage that you keep refusing to accept my dilithium crystals as a form of payment for your goods and services! I have repeatedly tried to contact a manager on the issue but I keep being escorted out of the premises! Outrage!
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
To: AbadarCorp Customer Service
Subject: AbadarCorp Mk 15 dispersion spinal mount energy cannon
I would like to praise this product after we mounted it on our ship. After a failed attempt to put down a zombie plague on a frontier world, we were able to sanitize the entire affected area with just one shot. Our organization would like to know the discount for bulk purchases.
--Happy Space Battleship Tactical Officer
Our MK15's are one of our finest products and absolutely perfect for slaughtering the undead.
Bulk orders for AbadarArms products come in three tiers:
Phalanx Tier- Comes with free maintenance and service for eight galactic standard years.
Company Tier- Includes the Phalanx Tier package plus free installation and your choice of a free small arm as our gift.
Battalion Tier- Includes all service tiers plus we upgrade you from the MK15 to our new MK15.2, with the auto targeting feature and Overkill Fleshmelter feature. The MK15.2 can also be converted to a portable hand held feature using the EasyGlide Detachable handle (it is sized to standard Vesk hand sizes however).
AbadarCorp Customer Service
It is a absolute outrage that you keep refusing to accept my dilithium crystals as a form of payment for your goods and services! I have repeatedly tried to contact a manager on the issue but I keep being escorted out of the premises! Outrage!
Sir, once again...those aren't dilithium crystals, they're just rocks.
To: AbadarCorp Customer Service
Subject: AbadarCorp Mk 15 dispersion spinal mount energy cannon
I would like to praise this product after we mounted it on our ship. After a failed attempt to put down a zombie plague on a frontier world, we were able to sanitize the entire affected area with just one shot. Our organization would like to know the discount for bulk purchases.
--Happy Space Battleship Tactical Officer
Our MK15's are one of our finest products and absolutely perfect for slaughtering the undead.
Bulk orders for AbadarArms products come in three tiers:
Phalanx Tier- Comes with free maintenance and service for eight galactic standard years.
Company Tier- Includes the Phalanx Tier package plus free installation and your choice of a free small arm as our gift.
Battalion Tier- Includes all service tiers plus we upgrade you from the MK15 to our new MK15.2, with the auto targeting feature and Overkill Fleshmelter feature. The MK15.2 can also be converted to a portable hand held feature using the EasyGlide Detachable handle (it is sized to standard Vesk hand sizes however).
We will consider the battalion tier option since our super robot units could utilize the MK 15.2 in fleet actions along side our similarly equipped battleships and cruisers. Does the MK 15.2 leave as much Hawking radiation behind as the previous model?
We will consider the battalion tier option since our super robot units could utilize the MK 15.2 in fleet actions along side our similarly equipped battleships and cruisers. Does the MK 15.2 leave as much Hawking radiation behind as the previous model?
Actually the MK15 can be fitted with an optional suppressor to take care of that, however on the MK15.2 the Hawking Suppressor comes standard. The MK15.2 also has our patented power cycle battery system so no more recharge cycle so you can melt every proton in your foe's atomic structure without a single pause in the stream.
To AbadarCorp Customer Service
For the past few solar months your services have been having troubles reaching my private space colony, when I track my packages they disappear midway every time! What is happening out there?
Sigh. Why did *I* get this forwarded to me? I'm an outside contractor!!
"Have you tried turning it off and back on again, and then turning it off, removing the power, and waiting for it to power cycle before re-inserting the power supply then re-activating the unit? If you've done that, have you attempted percussive adjustment?
If you have, please stand by for an official response from AbadarCorp, transferring you now."
Customer: Have you attempted to check the software update on the unit? Also, please contact our service directly, you're making our Sub-Contractor upset.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
AbadarCorp Customer Service:
I recently purchased an AbadarCorp All-Purpose Tool Belt, complete with ion tape, a precision laser welder, faraday screws, gravnails, a power-hammer, and a miniature arc gun. However, when I went to activate the AbadarCorp AI Assistant to access its repair blueprints it said, "You will die like the rest, meatling." I've heard far worse, but I just want to make sure that isn't an automated function.
To AbadarCorp Customer Service
For the past few solar months your services have been having troubles reaching my private space colony, when I track my packages they disappear midway every time! What is happening out there?
Ah, yes. Unfortunately your private colony is located in a high piracy area. As it's outlined in the user agreement, our deliveries to private colonies are not guaranteed for this very reason. If you'd like a more secure delivery service, might I recommend hiring a more robust security service. AbadarSecure offers a fully trained cadre of security officers who will ruthlessly eliminate anyone your organization requires.