Goofus and Gallant

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Goofus takes a poll of what his players want for their next campaign and works hard to avoid everything they want, cause the GM should have fun too, and what is more fun than to see those disappointed faces?

Gallant has index cards available that show his stats for every shape his druid can possibly take.

By time Goofus finished recalculating the stats for his Druid when it wildshaped into a bear, the GM and all the other players had died of old age.

Gallant knows that his player's aren't fond of super lethal campaigns, so he crafts his campaigns with that preference in mind.

Scarab Sages

The inspiration for Goofus's campaign came from when he was studying the blueprints of industrial slaughterhouses.

Gallant provides the party's lock-picker and trap-springer guy with cute little hands-on minigames to solve as an alternative to mere skill rolls.

Goofus provides the party's lock-picker and trap-springer a puzzle box that, if opened incorrectly, will slice his hands off.

Gallant is always skeptical when a powerful entity offers him power for a seemingly low price.

Goofus just signs on the dotted line, not even reading the contract to see the price.

Gallant calls at least 24 hours in advance if he can't make it to a game.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus knows that since everyone else in his group watches the local news station, they'll almost certainly find out that way why he can't make the game.

Gallant reads books on mythology, sociology, and metaphysics to help deepen his understanding of the alignment system.

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Goofus watches nothing but political talk shows all day. Any character in the game who slightly deviates from his political views is considered chaotic evil. Especially the Paladins.

Even though he's playing a Lawful Evil Rogue, Gallant always finds some motivation for his character that keeps him tied to the rest of the group.

The Exchange

Goofus writes Chaotic Neutral on his character sheet, then proceeds to play Chaotic Evil and justifies it as "I'm unpredictable."

Gallant makes sure he has properly watermarked Paizo PDFs or a hardcopy of all additional PFS resources even when playing in online forums that aren't always checked.

All of Goofus's PDFs are watermarked with a jolly roger.

Even though it would be smarter to attack immediately, Gallant doesn't attack the villain during her monologue because Gallant's GM is clearly having a lot of fun hamming it up.

Liberty's Edge

Goofus, in the time it takes the GM to finish monologuing, has killed the villain, his party members, and finally himself.

Goofus occasionally lightens the mood with a humorous one-shot adventure, such as the We Be Goblins adventures.

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Goofus occasionally lightens the mood with a humorous one-shot adventure, such as Bonekeep.

Gallant notices that due to an odd number of people, his table will be 7 players. He decides today might not be a good day to play his Summoner and selects a character less likely to dominate table time.

Goofus's do-everything wizard is appropriate for all tables. At least in his mind.

Since all of Gallant's players want to play in a more light-hearted and funny campaign, he decides to shelve his brooding Inquisitor character concept for the time being.

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Since Goofus' players want to try a more light-hearted and funny campaign, he decides to pull out his demon-worshipping baby-eating racist slave owner, since that's simply too ridiculous for a serious campaign.

Realizing his players are being overpowered in a fight due to his own mistakes in planning, Gallant has the enemies make tactically unwise decisions, explaining it in game as the NPC's getting cocky because of their initial lead in the fight.

Goofus gets a line tattooed on his forearm every time he executes a TPK. He's up to sixteen.

Gallant let's players down easy when they want to play classes or races that do not match his game's tone/idiom.

Liberty's Edge

Goofus has a "PC Shaming" tumblr, where he has those foolish enough to challenge his One True Way to Play, a la Dog Shaming.

Gallant uses alchemical items in unconventional ways to assist his fellows players.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus uses household cleaning supplies in unconventional ways to intoxicate his fellow players.

Gallant quit World of Warcraft with a heavy heart after it devolved into the LCD of fantasy gaming, but he remembers the good times.

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Goofus leads raids and GMs a tabletop game at the same time. He does neither very well.

When he learns that one of his players wants to play a paladin in his upcoming campaign, Gallant takes the time to hash out a code of conduct with her that they both agree on.

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When he learns that one of his players wants to play a paladin in his upcoming campaign, Goofus gleefully rubs his hands together, exclaiming "Oh, boy! I can try to beat my record on making a paladin fall."

Gallant asks for help on message boards on realizing his character concept. He keeps an open mind, willing to change his initial class idea to make a more effective character.

Goofus objects to the idea that his 8 Cha dwarf is automatically ugly because he didn't put any points into Charisma and goes to the forums to get support that he's right. Charisma is not so based on appearance that one must have a 12+ or you are a metagamer for saying you are attractive. This is a half joke, I kind of did this myself, although my intent was to find out what others thought, not gather 'support' to prove me right and him wrong. But, this scenario is what he thought and accused me of being my intent, even so far as to say bull**** when I said it was not. So, posting it as a joke of what not to do, had my intent actually been what the GM accused me of.

Gallant avoids getting passed out drunk the night before the game. Did this once. An entire pint of 94 proof rum is really not a good idea when you have a game the next day.

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Whenever Goofus arrives at the game, his Blood-Alcohol Content is "Yes."

Gallant always prepares his wizard spells between sessions. That way, he doesn't waste time in-game doing so.

As play begins, Goofus begins searching optimization forums for the best spell loadout. He is unfamiliar with the effects of many of the spells.

Gallant set up his AP with a primer on the featured region for players less familiar with Golarion.

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Whenever any of Goofus's players ask him anything about his setting, Goofus smacks them over the head and chastises them for metagaming.

To make his Medium character more interesting, Gallant and his GM work together to establish the names and backstories of the Spirits that his character channels.

Scarab Sages

Goofus refuses to read books because they're "literally nothing but fluff text."

Gallant mercifully and wisely spares the dog, the hawk, and the lobster he and his brothers encounter in their quest, and is rewarded by their indispensable aid in retrieving the lich's phylactery.

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Goofus kills the dog, the hawk, and the lobster, then proceeds to make a new holiday feast dish, the hawdoster. Which is a lobster, stuffed inside a hawk, stuffed inside a dog, and roasted until tender. He then demands his GM provide him XP for his brilliant culinary skill.

Gallant often encourages odd or less than optimal Craft and Profession skills by providing PC's who use them often and cleverly with balanced and interesting homebrew boons and fun RP opportunities.

Dark Archive

Goofus makes fun of them, ridicules their decision and refuses to play with them any longer.

Gallant saves the fair, busty maiden from the terrible slaver, and even turns down her advances, citing a proclamation of charity he made to his God.

Goofus enslaves the busty maiden, then forces her to get a breast augmentation, and does "girly pillow swan dives."

Gallant helps a newbie player to retool his very clearly from a famous source TWF ranger elf with a big cat into something more original but still of the "you know who" flavour. Gallant also sends R.A. Salvatore $5, as a form of apology.

Goofus' main PC is named Drizzk Do'Urdin, and he'll be damned if he'll hear any criticism.

Gallant is apologetic when other plans do not allow him to attend the game, and encourages his fellows to have a good time in his absence.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus demands his whole group be there for "moral support" at his colonoscopy.

Gallant kills rats in the basement without hesitation, complaint, or funny business, viewing it as a rite of passage.

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Goofus's ratfolk rogue declares that rather then killing rats, he's going to lead a rat uprising. He then spreads bubonic plague throughout all the lands.

When Gallant's players do genuinely nice things for people, he will have those people occasionally return to help the PCs later on in the campaign.

When Goofus's players do genuinely nice things for people, he has those people return every day thereafter with another request for aid, and attack the party if they do not assist on every last request.

Gallant purposefully avoids the "Elminster" effect when introducing important high level NPC's in his home games.

Goofus has 25th level Paladins wander the world, ready to jump on the Players for stepping out of line once, yet they never seem to handle any of the problems the players have to deal with.

Gallant knows that a lot of players work long hours, and many can't have dinner before getting to game night. In response, he offers a variety of snacks, including healthy options like vegetables, and filling snacks like meat and cheese trays.

Shadow Lodge

All high level NPCs in Goofus' game are immortal, womanizing, god-level old men.

Gallant's investigator actually investigates stuff and gathers clues, rather than exploiting the class' combat bonuses.

@ Tigger Loaded: Goofus provides a bunch of chocolate and cookies for himself. And only himself.

@ equinoxmaster: Goofus's investigator doesn't investigate and doesn't study his enemies. No one is quite sure why he's called an investigator, really.

Gallant, coordinating with his friends, picks up some Teamwork Feats that make the party feel more cohesive.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus picks up some sovereign glue to make the party feel more cohesive.

Gallant kneels before the Breath of God, correctly spells the Word of God, and takes a leap of faith to walk the Path of God.

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Goofus tells God his breath stinks, makes the word of God into an urban dictionary curse word, and pushes true believers off of the path of God.

Gallant rewards his players for good RP by their religious characters, and works their faiths into the central story elements, even when the PC's have obscure or strange gods.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus is more than satisfied by his setting's pantheon: The great gods Healy, Bashy, Deathy, Tricky, and Dopey.

Gallant eats food to restore health, destroys generators to stop enemies, and uses magic to kill Death.

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Goofus Shot the Food!

Gallant cleared out a hive of goblins that were plaguing the local village.

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Goofus grants the goblins levels in PC classes so that they can clear out the hive of villagers that were plaguing the local cave.

Gallant's cavalier functions equally well both in and out of the saddle, so as not to be entirely crippled in a dungeon scenario.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

Goofus took a level in cavalier with his siege weapon specialist, just so he'd have a supply of dead horses to lob over castle walls.


Gallant has multiple PFS characters at different levels and serving different roles, so he can be as flexible as possible when trying to put together a party.

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Goofus's cavalier rides an elephant named Stampy, he refuses to play in any adventure where Stampy does not fit in every location, and makes loud trumpeting noises to drown out others when they suggest he leave his mount behind.

Gallant does his best to ensure mounted PC's get to shine in their favoured role.

Shadow Lodge

Goofus ensures mounted PCs get to shine by dumping them into a vat of molten chrome and selling them as monopoly pieces

Gallant finds a way to get rid of all of the dead bodies.

@ RainyDayNinja: Goofus throws a tantrum when his local PFS GM doesn't let him run his 20th-level wizard.

@ equinoxmaster: Goofus was inspired to start baking by the musical Sweeny Todd.

Before traveling to another plane of existence, Gallant makes sure that he prepares the right spells so that the party can work there safely.

Liberty's Edge

Goofus plane shifts everyone else to the Plane of Horrific Death so he can get all the loot.

Gallant created a cantankerous CN character who still had good reasons to work with the party.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus's Boy Scout-like LG character was constantly trying to report the rest of the party to the authorities for all the killing and looting and fornicating and witchcraft they were doing.

Gallant regularly donates a portion of his loot to the needy.

Goofus regularly donates a portion of his comrades' loot to the "Buy Goofus a Mansion" charity organization.

Gallant only uses mind control magic to solve problems when its clear that he can't negotiate with his opponents.

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Gallant periodically allows a player to re-roll if bad dice luck would limit a cool moment.

Goofus changes all the numbers on his players D20's to 1's, and then institutes the critical fumble rules, only for the PC's however.

Gallant rolls with the punches when he has to draw a critical fumble card, he even RP's the effects of the card.

Goofus has been banned from gaming stores worldwide for holding ritualized burnings of every copy of the critical fumble deck he can get his hands on.

Gallant preserves character sheets when he's finished with a campaign so the party can look back and remember what they were once like.

The party has put a gag order on Goofus so that he wouldn't tell anyone about the details of the last campaign he was able to convince them to run. The fact that one was institutionalized for a month, and two others still jump at the utterance of Goofus' NPC names, shows how bad it must have been. It has become famous in local gaming circules as "The Game Nobody Talks About."

Gallant sees a new forum poster get dogpiled by old grognards due to a poorly worded first post. Gallant politely talks to him, and sees that his initial post wasn't nearly as bad as he mistakenly made it seem.

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