Goofus and Gallant


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Goofus insists on having the banjo guy from the cheese shop sketch sit in the background of all gaming sessions.

Gallant lets the group sit and think if they can't solve a puzzle.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus does too, and has prepared his SurroundSound TV speaker system to blare the music from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? whenever they need to do that.

While he would prefer they ask, Gallant doesn't think it's the end of the world if one of his players drinks his milk.


Goofus puts rat poison in his milk, before offering it to his players as a lesson.

Gallant reads all of the rules.


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Goofus reads all of the rules. For the wrong system. He subsequently blames the players when no one can understand what is going on.

Gallant's paladin attempts to defeat foes non-lethally whenever possible.


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Goofus insists that doing lethal damage is against the paladin code, and tries to subdue everything. Including unintelligent monsters, golems, and incorporeal undead. The exception is lethally attacking his own party members when they do something he doesn't like.

Gallant has female PC's encounter a bit of sexism in-game to reflect historical values, but ensures that they are not directly limited, and can easily rise above the petty insults to become respected heroes.


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The attitudes of some of Goofus's NPCs convinced an MRA to become a feminist.

Gallant will modify parts of an Adventure Path to better integrate them with the background of his PCs.


Goofus hands out backgrounds to his players for their PC's before each new AP or campaign. Alas, the only background he gives them is "Gets pown'd by GM Goofus." All attempt to fight against this is met with "rocks fall, lava appears, you all die double hard!"

Gallant is careful to be gentle with plot that could upset his players because it mirrors real life.


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Goofus was recently convicted of war crimes by an international court because of the plot of his campaign.

Gallant coordinates with the other spellcasters in the party to make sure that there are no needlessly redundant spells in their spells known lists.


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Goofus thinks that puny spell casters make great thrown weapons and trap checkers for his barbarian. Any spell slots they have left if they're still alive must be spent entirely on healing and buffing him.

Gallant is ok with buffing the fighter and letting him get the glory.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus's wizard turns the fighter to glass, and buffs him to a glorious mirror shine.

Gallant carves clues into the walls of dungeons so that if his party succumbs to the dungeon's perils, future adventurers have a better chance of succeeding where they failed.


Goofus bought 500 pieces of chalk ("Because it's weightless") and uses it whenever possible.

Gallant keeps track of his carrying capacity.


@ IHIYC: Goofus carves phalluses and naked women in the walls of dungeons so that future adventurers have a better chance of knowing how super macho he was.

@ Goddity: Goofus's 8-strength wizard had been carrying 3 sets of full plate armor in his backpack for 3 months before anyone noticed them on his character sheet.

Gallant provide helpful reminders for his players if they've forgotten plot points and/or NPCs that their characters would remember.

Silver Crusade

Goofus looks at his players with derision before making turtle noises until they remember the plot points.

Gallant keeps his dog in his room during the game, as one of his players isn't comfortable around dogs.


Goofus trains his seven rottweilers to attack players when that A. succeed on a critical hit, B. solve a puzzle or riddle, or C. when they have a snack or beverage he wants.

Gallant keeps calm when his character dies, even when it is by GM fiat.

Scarab Sages

Goofus has an irrational aversion to raspberries, and if he catches anyone in the table eating them, he's installed a lever that will RELEASE THE TIGER!

When Goofus's character dies, he always blames, and develops a mouth-frothing paranoid panic both in-game and in the Land of the Living about, Ninjas. NINJAS ARE TO GET HIM EVERYWHEEERRREEE!!!

When Gallant encounters a bizarre alien monster, he doesn't just reflexively assume it's Evil.

Silver Crusade

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Goofus considers everything not human (by which he means EVERYTHING) to be hostile, and considers it a top priority to kill. His fellow players ditched him once he started trying to kill the river.

Gallant interacts with non-hostile NPCs in this order: Diplomacy, Bluff, Intimidate.


Goofus interacts with NPC's in the following order: Intimidate, Intimidate harder, go all Brave Heart level Intimidate (yes, that go to move with a kilt), kill, kill allot, kill to extinction level event.

Gallant helps a new player rework his character because it suffered from two scimitars and a panther syndrome.


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Goofus's awesome wizard, Smellminster, is totally original you guys!

It's getting late, and the players are getting sleepy. While he had planned to run one more encounter that night, Gallant decides to wrap up the session and let everyone get to bed.


Gallant thinks players that fail to bring beds to the table and are incapable of playing in their sleep shouldn't be playing anyway.

Gallant makes sure his new characters follow rules and checks rules he doesn't understand.


Goofus changes his homebrew rules every game session just to "keep the players on their toes."

Gallant knows one of his players loves Firefly, so he runs the (awesome) RPG on his birthday to celebrate.

Silver Crusade

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Goofus knows one of his players loves Firefly, so he buys the player a bunch of Firefly memorabilia...

...and then sets it on fire.

Gallant is fun to be around, both in and out of game.

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Goofus is under house arrest for being no fun to be around

Gallant didn't kill anybody and is certainly not under maximum security at this moment


Goofus is also not under maximum security, because the maximum security is still trying to locate him after his escape.

Gallant's characters abide by the laws of the land.


Goofus's characters abide by the laws of the sea.

(Yarrr)

Gallant Spiritualist always keeps his phantom concealed in his thoughts when the party is in town, since not everyone appreciates having a ghost appear suddenly nearby.


Goofus's spiritualist keeps his phantom out all the time, and uses it to "check out all the tasty" in town, he calls his phantom "Flashy McPeepster" and it manifests with a trench coat and concealed spy cam.

Gallant always respects the ladies at his table, like a true gentleman should.


Goofus always "respects" the ladies at "his" table, like a "true gentleman" should.

Gallant's kineticist is always careful not to burn himself too badly when using his more powerful kinetic abilities.


Goofus has played with characters named Kami Kazee and Sue Icide.

Gallant builds creative unique characters.


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Here is Goofus's latest character introduction:
"This is Phil the Fighter. He's the long lost brother of Bill the Fighter, Will the Fighter, and Gil the Fighter. Like those other three (before their untimely deaths), he trained under the Master Fighter. Who, uh, didn't tell him that he had three brothers the same as the others. And, uh, that's it."

Gallant has trained his velociraptor animal companion very well, and she only attacks on his command.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus spectacularly botched his pet rabbit's training, and then he lost it somewhere in the hills of Medieval Britain....

Gallant finds both the decadent aristocrat in the red book and the homicidal maniac in the blue book to be distasteful and untrustworthy, so when, in an unprecedented display of accordance with each other, they both warn him NOT to touch the mysterious green book, that is precisely what he does.


Ventnor wrote:

Here is Goofus's latest character introduction:

"This is Phil the Fighter. He's the long lost brother of Bill the Fighter, Will the Fighter, and Gil the Fighter. Like those other three (before their untimely deaths), he trained under the Master Fighter. Who, uh, didn't tell him that he had three brothers the same as the others. And, uh, that's it."

Gallant has trained his velociraptor animal companion very well, and she only attacks on his command.

hey, I have used that backstory before to masterful effect!!!


I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

Goofus spectacularly botched his pet rabbit's training, and then he lost it somewhere in the hills of Medieval Britain....

Gallant finds both the decadent aristocrat in the red book and the homicidal maniac in the blue book to be distasteful and untrustworthy, so when, in an unprecedented display of accordance with each other, they both warn him NOT to touch the mysterious green book, that is precisely what he does.

not sure about that latest gallant...I have had games go wrong that way before.


Goofus enjoys having his character poke things that might get the party into trouble. Stuff like buttons, pillars, statues, orcs, dragons, queens, and books of any color. He claims that he's roleplaying his "Serial Button Pusher Syndrome".

Gallant is a nice person.

Scarab Sages

Goofus is one of those people of whom his friends say "he's nice" as a feeble way of defending the fact that there's really nothing else to be said for him. Ever met one of those people?

Gallant may favor one type of weapon, but doesn't put all his eggs in one basket in case he happens to discover or need a too-good-to-pass-up weapon of a different type.


Goofus assumes that since Katanas are made of glorious nippon steel folded 1000 times, they are going to be found everywhere. Why wouldn't the Egyptian-inspired, French-inspired, and Mesoamerican-inspired cultures make this objectively superior sword?

Gallant always makes sure to prepare a Raise Dead spell whenever possible, just in case.


Goofus insists his spell list doesn't have room for anything like Raise Dead and Heal, as he insists its vital he prepares Treasure Stitching, Reprobation, and Summon Mariachi Band. (A spell he researched himself)

Gallant really enjoyed the plotline of a piece of media he recently saw. He expertly varies the details and changes certain things so that while it's certainly inspired, his players didn't even notice that it was inspired by the story in question until the end.


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Goofus bases his newest campaign on LotR's, changes only the name "Super King of the Earring" and informs his players they will be all playing "hairy footed hobbits, which I invented myself", while Goofus has 4 GMPC's whom are an old powerful wizard, a amazing elven archer, a tough dwarf with axes, and a noble ranger with the blood of kings." Goofus also hands each of his hobbit players a card with their job, all of which read only "cook or servent" (depending on what time of the day it is.)

Gallant never lets his GMPC elves outscore his players dwarves in an orc killing contest.


Goofus's GMPCs have put scored the PCs in every TPK competition that Goodus runs.

Gallant always allows the PCs to escape if they've gotten themselves into a situation that they're not yet skilled enough to handle.


Goofus screams in triumph and spikes his dice like a football player everytime he kills a PC.

Gallant sees a hot-button topic in a gaming message board he goes to quickly devolve into a flame war. Rather than engage in it, he reports the topic to the mods and leaves.


Goofus has had 2341 accounts on 4 message boards over the past 2 months. All are now banned.

Gallant never performs a "Leroy Jenkins", unless the party is ok with it.


Goofus doesn't get why everyone laughs at the Leroy Jenkins video, as he thought it was a depiction of sound strategy. For all of life's situations. Gaming, video games, paintball, office, real-life military tactics, gambling, softball, weddings...

After the campaign has ended, Gallant writes a little story about his character using his vast wealth and resources to help the poor and needy.


Goofus uses his amassed character wealth to subjugate the honorable, enslave the hard working, and ensure all beautiful women end up in his harem.

Gallant runs a noble and amazingly fun anti-slavery campaign "For Andoran!"

Shadow Lodge

Goofus runs a campaign that strips the PCs of their belongings and sells them into slavery every time they seem capable of anything.

Gallant considers what sort of character would synergize with the other PCs.


Goofus thinks running a Chaotic Evil assassin who worhsips Zon-Kuthon in a party with a paladin and a cleric of Sarenrae will encourage good roleplaying through the dysfunction.

When a rulebook Gallant borrowed gets chewed up by his dog, Gallant is incredibly apologetic, and immediately buys a new one for the person.

Shadow Lodge

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Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Goofus chews up everybody´s rulebooks, then regurgitates the paper in front of all of the other players.

Gallant doesn´t know the meaning of life and has no plans to find it.


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Goofus knows the meaning of life, that is, everyone else's life, is to please and serve him.

Gallant encourages players to delve deep into the psychology and motivations of their characters by weaving those themes into his campaign flawlessly.

Dark Archive

Goofus doesn't want to hear your's, only his. Cause his is the hypest mofo in Golarion.

Gallant plays both Pathfinder and 5E, encouraging all of the few table top players at the game shop to do both. Thus filling the Wednesday DnD night, and PF Society Saturday, never bad mouthing those whom don't wan't to play the other.

Shadow Lodge

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Goofus organized a street gang to beat up people who play systems he doesn´t approve of.

Gallant gives sentient bears human rights because he´s nice.

this is sorta related to this thread

Dark Archive

Goofus kills the sentient bear for what he says as "research".

Gallant brings a little guitar, even though he isn't that good, to better RP his bard and or more musical characters. He laughs with his party, and does his best to have fun being a bard, even though he sucks at guitar.

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Goofus´ bard has high ranks in Perform (Ukelele Screamo)

Gallant pardoned a turkey and allowed it to begin on a path to become a paladin.


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Goofus brings his combat ready battle axe guitar to game to better play a skald, alas, he also drinks a gallon of mead, paints himself in woad, sets his groin hair on fire, and attacks the other plays while screaming "METAL!!!"

Gallant encourages props as the table, just not props that will actually kill someone.

(ninja'd by equinox)

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