Goofus and Gallant


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Goofus worries less about WBL and more about mismatching encounters against the PCs.

Gallant is careful not to spoil any plot twists in movies that he's seen when someone in the group hasn't seen said movie yet.

Silver Crusade

Goofus killed Trinity with Rosebud, and tells everyone he can about it.

Gallant modified his Duergar to make them more Lovecraft-themed, and succeeded in freaking out his players when they were confronted with these new opponents.


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Goofus eats a pound of peyote in order to really get into character when he runs a Derro encounter for his players, to be fair, the frothing and gibbering are quite authentic.

Gallant always makes sure to ask his players what they are allergic to before the group decides on pizza toppings.


Goofus always makes sure to ask his players what they are allergic to before he decides on pizza toppings. If they can't eat it, it's more for him.

Gallant spent a few hours making sure his adventure worked and was balanced and fair.


Goofus spends 7 seconds on considering if he wants to run a fair adventure. Of course, he decides, no, and writes an insane death trap that is worse than the Ruins of Under-mountain and White Plume Mountain combined. Goofus calls his masterpiece Die Loser Mountain!.

Gallant actually designs dungeon ecologies that makes sense.

Shadow Lodge

Goofus still loves those four red dragons, and modifies the Tomb of Horrors to make it "better" with the rooms full of monsters who somehow avoid all the deathtraps.

When Gallant designs a sandbox game, he listens to the players and makes sure there are plenty of plot hooks around the party.


When Goofus designs a sandbox game, he thrown his players (not the PC's) into quicksand, cause that is how it is done in the house of Goofus!

Gallant kindly tones down his fire sorceress when his GM asks him to, rather than getting the personal win, but ruining the game for the rest of the table.


When Goofus's GM asks him to tone down his fire sorceress, he burns said GM's house down instead of complying.

Gallant always helps his group clean up after a gaming session. It's just common courtesy, after all.

Silver Crusade

The last game store Goofus helped clean up at qualified for EPA Superfund clean up money.

Gallant had his character be a ladies man while still being PG-13.


Goofus is a "ladies man" in that he hits on everything that has a discernible gender of female, and fills his dialogue with innuendo and pick up lines.

Gallant made sure that his 3.5 bard had enough ranks in perform to use it's abilities.


Goofus makes sure his 3.5 bard has enough ranks in perform to use its abilities. His Charisma is in the negatives, though. Negative values, not modifiers.

Gallant leaves the punnery to the minimum.

Silver Crusade

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Goofus was told to go to a punnery, but responded that "Vicar is quicker."

Gallant ensures his characters groom themselves, to give the world a sense of verisimilitude.


Goofus ensures that his characters smell of feces, to give the world a sense of verisimilitude.

Gallant's wizard always keeps one teleport in reserve, just in case things go bad for the party.


Goofus's wizard GMPC keeps a teleport handy to send unruly party members into walls, unruly in this case is anyone who does not bow before him, and those who refuse to give him their share of party loot, because we all know Gooftonbarnimus the Godly Arcane God of Magic Awesomeness! (a trade mark of Goofus Games Inc.) did all the work, you guys just watched my back, killed that gorgon that was goring me, and pulled me out of the Hall of Endless Traps, which is barely a contribution at all in Gooftonbarnimus's opinion.

Gallant decides to take a break from the grim campaign he is running when his players clearly need something less bleak, Gallant pulls out We Be Goblins for a one shot of insane amusement, which is had by all.


Goofus found a way to make We Be Goblins dark. Really dark. No one wants to play goblins ever again. Or go near goblins. Some players still wake up at night screaming.

Gallant always thinks things through.

Scarab Sages

Goofus sometimes thinks about that one time whe

Gallant doesn't think it's at all wise, proper, ethical, or hygienic to make out with supposedly dead women in glass coffins, but given that that's how his cousin met his wife, he is not one to judge.


Goofus however, will judge. As did the Judge that filed the restraining order that prevents Goofus from being within 1 mile of any glass coffin in the world.

Gallant is never pointlessly cruel to the NPCs his character meets.


Goofus is never pointlessly cruel to the NPCs his character meets. Cruelty always has a point. It's entertaining for him.

When Gallant met up with some old gaming buddies, they told tales of their characters achievements.


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Goofus has a hard time meeting up with old gaming buddies, as they've all moved away, changed their names, and constantly deny ever knowing him.

Gallant sees his players have drifted far away from his plot, but decides that they're having fun, so he goes along with it, making new adventures for them to play out.


Goofus sees his players have drifted far away from his plot, and decides to have several black holes spontaneously appear in the parts of the world that don't have anything to do with his preconceived story

Gallant's party makes sure that they have a diverse array of skills so that they can respond to many different kinds of problems.

Shadow Lodge

Goofus pours everything into his combat skill, then makes sure that combat is the solution for every problem. Impress the princess? Kill her guards! Didn't work? Kill the princess!

Gallant helps new players through character design, offering solid choices and listening to what the players want to do with their characters.


Goofus helps his players design characters that will maximize his own fun, meaning they a UP, full of mistakes, and have their HP calculated as if they all had 3 con, regardless of their actual score. Goofus likes to call this "zero lab", as that is the number of sessions characters built in this way can hope to survive.

Gallant brings almond or soy milk as well as 2% diary milk when milk and cookies are being eaten at game, because lactose intolerance is not funny.


Goofus brings 2% diary milk when milk and cookies are being eaten at game, because lactose intolerance is very funny.

Gallant killed the dragon, saved the princess, and didn't marry her because she didn't want to.


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Goofus killed the princess, saved the dragon, and was set to marry the dragon before a team of unlikely heroes saved the dragon at the altar.

Gallant spends the money he collects on his adventures wisely.

Shadow Lodge

Goofus spends all his gold on liquor and whores, and then whines to the GM about WBL.

Gallant enjoys playing support characters on occasion, and figures out how to be effective in that role.


Goofus plays support characters that help the party. His barbarian helps solve combat by killing things, and gets through diplomatic situations by punching the king in the face. With his axe.

Gallant brought pencils for everyone to use on their character sheets.

Silver Crusade

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Goofus insists everyone write their character sheets in Cuneiform.

Everyone loves Gallant's character that pokes fun at dungeon crawling, Vadzlo the Specialist.


Everyone hates Goofus's character that 'pokes fun' at dungeon crawling, Leeroy Jenkins, who thinks that poking things in dungeons is fun!

Gallant skillfully handles problem players.

Silver Crusade

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Goofus problematically handles skilled players.

Gallant uses real-word architecture in his dungeon designs.


Goofus uses M. C. Escher's architecture in his dungeon designs.

Gallant is always careful when rolling his dice, to make sure that they don't roll off of the table or into the miniatures on the battle map.


Goofus loudly claims that his 'snap-wrist' rolling style has been developed over years to guarantee good rolls, even though 75% of all rolls end up going off the table (With a third of those having a movement that can be defined as 'flying.')

Gallant, for a one-shot, keeps the adventure short and sweet without much complexity, knowing that given the short time frame, there's no guarantee they'll complete a long adventure.

Silver Crusade

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Goofus pumps stimulants directly into his players' aeortas, threatening to pull the plug if they don't play his 231 part "Goofus Rocks" one-shot.

Gallant makes sure NOT to run through the poison cloud.


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That means there's more delicious poison for Goofus to inhale.

Gallant's component pouch is properly organized so that he can retrieve whatever magical component he needs for a spell quickly.

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Goofus carries a pouch full of bat guano to every game and throws it at the GM whenever he casts fireball.

Gallant talks to the hand.


Goofus talks with his hand. Naming it "Fisty", drawing lips on it, and treating it like a separate entity. It's creeping people out.

Gallant's Ranger has a few skill points spent on unusual skills meant for backstory and flavour, but still invests the bulk in the fundamentals like perception and survival, since that's what the group will rely on him for.


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Goofus's ranger has taken the tenants of Red Mage to heart, and attempts to solve every situation with the skill Animal Husbandry.

Gallant checks for traps twice.

Silver Crusade

Goofus tests that the traps work by sticking his head in them. Twice.

Gallant uses his character abilities in unusual ways, much to everyone's amusement.


Goofus uses every skill and feat his character takes in unusual, and illegal/unethical ways, especially Profession (animal husbandry). Several of his players joined PETA and started a mob over this.

Gallant lets his players feel like the stars of the show, even when they are in a tough spot or a bad place (yes, even if they put themselves there)


Goofus lets his players feel like the stars of a Uwe Boll movie, even when they should feel like they're accomplishing something.

Gallant turns off his cell phone when its time for tabletop night, so that he's not distracted and doesn't distract others.


Goofus talks on his phone, plays candy crush, and texts four ladies of the evening every game night, he claims it keeps him more focused as a GM, though clearly not on the game, that would be silly.

Gallant goes out of his way to ensure he has appropriate minis and other GM gear when presenting a big climatic battle.


Goofs sees no issue with the climactic battle being against the White Queen and the Lego Spaceman, backed by D4s and red checker pieces.

Gallant keeps a binder of deceased PC's, pulling it out once a year as part of a PC remembrance day, where the group can reminisce about old characters and games gone by.


Goofus keeps all the original character sheets of PC's he has killed as a GM. Once a week, he calls his players together so he can gloat, badger, insult, and most importantly remind, his players of each and every gruesome detail of how he murdered their beloved PC's. He calls this GM Lords His Awesomeness Over His Players Day.

Gallant occationally ignores the nat 20 behind the screen in favor of PC continuing the dungeon, as a PC being killed should be a major RP and plot point, not a random lucky roll. He is a "meaningful death" advocate, and not a "20's mean your death" fan.


When an enemy rolls a 20 against one of Goofus's he implements the house rule: When an enemy rolls a 20, everyone dies!. He knows that when the players die, it is a very happy moment, and laughs in their face while holding a bonfire for the players character sheets, all while chasing them around while brandishing a chainsaw to better enforce his house rule.

Gallant keeps extra copies of all his players character sheets, as well as monster notes, for if the time comes when a player looses his/her character sheet, or when Gallant loses a monster note.


Goofus 'knows' every character and monster 'by heart.' This has led to him insisting that a 15th level Cleric of the Sun Goddess was actually a Cavalier, and saying 'Give me your character sheet and prove it. Oh, right, you forgot it. Which means you're a cavalier, now stop lying to me." With his monsters, he just makes up what sounds good. "Of course Orcs have Acid Spit attacks."

Gallant goes to a Live Action Role Play event. He puts a fair bit of work on making a costume that's not completely inappropriate or anachronistic, and follows the standard combat rule of not aiming for the head or groin when swinging the foam sword.

Silver Crusade

Goofus dons Mjolnir armor and a pump-action shotgun to "Put those dweebs in their place."

Gallant bought his GM a copy of a third-party book he wanted to use, so that the GM could look it up at any time.


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Goofus buys a dozen 3pp books, though only the ones that have a 1 star review from Endzie and that are noted as "so overpowered that this class broke my 3.5 game from 15 years ago." He then uses VMC rules to mash all 12 OP classes together, and presents his new "class" to his GM as, the "most balanced and highly regarded 3pp class out there, I mean, it got 12 stars from Endzie, 12!"

Gallant throws his party a fun curve ball by having them play their parties NPC's, who are thrust into the heart of the story when the party is captured and put on trail for a crime they didn't commit.

Silver Crusade

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Goofus throws his party a horrific curve ball by having them play the NPCs getting tortured before his GMPC rescue them. Some players are still too traumatized to talk about it.

Gallant ensures his towns all stick out from each other by giving each an NPC the players love to interact with.


Goofus ensures his towns all stick out from each other by giving each a different lynch mob that chases the PCs out of them.

Gallant's chips are never stale and his cola is never flat.

Silver Crusade

Goofus's chips are strangely pale and his soda is liquid fat.

Gallant always drinks responsibly.


Goofus always drinks.

... That got dark.

Gallant doesn't tell jokes that make his players uncomfortable.

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