2014 Critique my Wondrous Item thread

[Garrett Guillotte]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

zylphryx wrote:

Resonant Tines

Over word count.

Check your word counter? It may be counting numbers with commas (ie. 4,800) as two words instead of one. wordcounter.net reported 301 words on the text saved during voting with commas in the numbers, and 299 without. The official word count on the item's title during voting was also 299.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

zylphryx wrote:

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

zylphryx wrote:

Resonant Tines

Over word count.

nope ... 299 words as per the Paizo submission tool. Was not kicked from the voting and made it to the top 100, so I trust their word count tool.

Got any feedback on the item mechanics.

Sorry, about that, looks like I got the notes for this item and another mixed up.

I liked the idea for this item. My only issues were I was unsure if the AC reduction happened if the save was made and making the crit range dependant on getting hit with the melee attack. I didn't have a voting bias for/against this item.

I also didn't realize runes were a meme this year. I like runes...

EDIT: I kept notes for every item over 290 words to keep track of potential over word count DQs. Alot of items over 290. Submitted about 15 for breaking word count.

[Nazard]

Pandora's wrote:

Trickster’s Calling Card

Aura faint illusion; CL 1st
Slot none; Price 500 gp; Weight —
Description
This palm-sized pewter disk appears unremarkable to avoid notice. When it is touched to a solid object and a command word is spoken, the disk projects a visual figment, taking on the appearance of the object touched. The object touched must be no larger than 2 cubic feet. A creature that interacts with the figment receives a DC 12 Will save to recognize it as an illusion. After 6 hours, this figment fades, leaving behind a glowing personal rune similar to an arcane mark on the surface of the disk. Optionally, a short written message of 25 words or less can also appear on the disk. This message must be spoken when the disk is activated. The markings are permanent, but the disk cannot create another figment once activated.

The personal rune that appears on the disk is unique to the item’s user and is a reflection of his personality and defining characteristics, although it never reveals the user’s identity. This same mark appears on all of the user’s calling cards and does not change unless the user goes through a significant change in identity, such as a change in alignment or life goals.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silent image, arcane mark; Cost 250 gp

I know, my spells are backwards.

So this item makes 6-hour illusory copies of small objects, then leaves a Zorro-like mark. Why? Is it so you can make a fake of some MacGuffin (that a 1st level commoner will see through 50% of the time) to use for a swap out?

I just never got the point of this item.

[zylphryx]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

zylphryx wrote:

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

zylphryx wrote:

Resonant Tines

Over word count.

nope ... 299 words as per the Paizo submission tool. Was not kicked from the voting and made it to the top 100, so I trust their word count tool.

Got any feedback on the item mechanics.

Sorry, about that, looks like I got the notes for this item and another mixed up.

I liked the idea for this item. My only issues were I was unsure if the AC reduction happened if the save was made and making the crit range dependant on getting hit with the melee attack. I didn't have a voting bias for/against this item.

I also didn't realize runes were a meme this year. I like runes...

Ah gotcha ... after I posted the submission, I realized I could have tweaked out the text a fair amount yet, but just ran out of time for additional polishing. Good to keep in mind for next year.

Thanks Thomas. :)

And I like runes as well, but some folks apparently saw too many runes ...

[Zi'on Darkbane]

Steven Helt wrote:

Zi'on Darkbane wrote:

Coil of Ionic Inversion

Sometimes, a new designer has to get really tough feedback. Trust that when you get feedback, it's because someone see something in you they think can be refined until you're doing decent design work.

Thank you for your unflinching honesty!

Quote:

It's a fantasy game, not a science fiction. Most players don't want ions to even exist.

Yup. Not Star Wars....

Quote:

Second little rules that you should not have included: your coil can't be used by someone with gloves, gauntlets, or full plate. If I put them on a dancing weapon they don't function.

That was intentional, giving up the hand slot so that the coil would have to be traded for gloves or gauntlets was supposed to check some of its power (no pun intended - really). Also, the hand to coil to weapon contact was supposed to emphasize the idea of a full electrical circuit.

Quote:

Be aware of how players will twink out your item. At some point, 18,500 gp is NOTHING compared to the damage output the coil gives.

Yup...

Quote:

Any sentence that starts "three times per day, once fully charge, the next successful.,," risks losing its audience. Simplify this...

Yup... I tried too hard to explain which should have been a clue that I was over thinking the mechanics.

Quote:

Plus that's confusing: I'm dealing my Con mod in extra damage, which is stored up to my Con SCORE, and then I force a FOrt save on a creature while dealing extra Con MOD damage, and then...does the item reset to my base Con damage to build up again?

The confusion this item engenders was meant to reduce it's utility so that it wouldn't be so overpowered and overused. HA! How's that for an epic rationalization verging on delusion?

Quote:

Increasing my Con MOD by one is also overpowered and dangerous.

And just plain dumb... Yup...

Excellent commentary Steve.
Thank you for your time and careful consideration...

[Steven Helt]

Remember: a word count of 301-305 or whatever shouldn't disqualify anyone. If the word count is egregious, it should be disqualified, if the word count is a few over, slap the designer on the wrist and evaluate the items other qualities/gaffes.

This thread is to help designers understand design. You can feedback anything you want, sure. Pointing out a tiny word count surplus doesn't make the next product you buy any better.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

Steven Helt wrote:

Remember: a word count of 301-305 or whatever shouldn't disqualify anyone. If the word count is egregious, it should be disqualified, if the word count is a few over, slap the designer on the wrist and evaluate the items other qualities/gaffes.

This thread is to help designers understand design. You can feedback anything you want, sure. Pointing out a tiny word count surplus doesn't make the next product you buy any better.

Breaking 300 words does disqualify by the rules. Pointing out why they are over word count will ensure that person won't do it again and encourage others to proofread their item.

[Garrett Guillotte]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Breaking 300 words does disqualify by the rules. Pointing out why they are over word count will ensure that person won't do it again and encourage others to proofread their item.

It shouldn't disqualify them from an examination of the item in this thread, though.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Rasputin17 wrote:

It's late tonight, but I'm not proud of just sharing my item and not offering up much critique in turn. Tomorrow, I'll try and post some reviews of other's items, although how effective I'll be at it as a rather amateur designer, I'm not sure. Can't hurt to try, I imagine.

FWIW, I found critiquing items (187, IIRC) last year was REALLY helpful to me as a designer. It takes a lot of time, but I'd highly recommend it, both for items you like and dislike. If you dislike something based just on gut instinct -- and there were ones I did this year and last -- try to figure out why.

[Jester David]

My item. Go easy on me - fair and honest, but gentle. It's my first time... asking for feedback.

Ever Beating Heart
Aura moderate conjuration (healing); CL 9th
Slot none; Price 4,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This preserved heart looks freshly excised from a humanoid creature. When the heart is squeezed it increases the heart rate of a nearby creature, dramatically increasing blood flow. The user can begin compressing the heart as a standard action, targeting a creature within 60 feet. Unwilling creatures can make a DC 17 Will save to negate the effect. After the first round, continuing to pump the heart is a move action. If the user stops squeezing the heart the effect immediately ends. The heart can be used for a total of ten rounds before it becomes too worn to use. The rounds need not be consecutive.
An affected creature cannot die so long as the heart continues to be pumped. If the target is subject to a bleed effect it takes damage a second time each round when the user pumps the heart. If a creature that has been dead for one round or less is targeted by the heart they are restored to life until the user stops pumping the heart. However, dying creatures also lose an additional hit point when the user pumps the heart. If a dead creature's hit point total is raised to a positive amount or a negative amount less than their Constitution score the creature remains alive when the effect ends.
Creatures that lack a heart or are immune to bleed damage, such as undead, constructs, and oozes, are immune to the heart.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bleed, breath of life; Cost 2,250 gp

[I'M INCREDIBLE!]

First thank you to everyone for helping people out. Second:

Shadowmancer’s Heart
Aura strong illusion and conjuration; CL 13th
Slot neck; Price 75,000; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Wisps of shadow constantly play over this black gem shard. Upon touch the wisps form a sort of chain allowing the bearer to wear it as a necklace.
The gem enhances the innate power of Sorcerers with the Shadow Bloodline, allowing them to ignore the vision penalties of spells they cast with the darkness and shadow descriptors.
Three times per day, the wearer may speak the command word, causing the shadows to cascade out, flooding a 20ft. radius area with darkness and fear. This has the effect of Haunting Mists (DC 13).
Alternatively, once per day as a full-round action, the wearer may speak a second command word and slowly exhale onto the gem, imbuing the shadows with his own life essence and giving their terror a form. This causes the wearer to gain 1d4 negative levels and the shadows to form into a creature under his command. This creature uses the stats of an Advanced Shadow, with the following exceptions: it loses the create spawn ability and its touch instead deals 1d4 Wisdom damage and inflicts the shaken condition. A successful Will save (DC 15, Charisma based) halves the damage and negates the shaken condition. The creature lasts a number of minutes equal to the negative levels gained, or until destroyed. The Haunting Mists ability cannot be used, nor can the negative levels be removed while the creature is active.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, greater life conduit, greater shadow conjuration, haunting mist; Cost 37,500 gp

[Thomas LeBlanc]

Garrett Guillotte wrote:

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Breaking 300 words does disqualify by the rules. Pointing out why they are over word count will ensure that person won't do it again and encourage others to proofread their item.

It shouldn't disqualify them from an examination of the item in this thread, though.

Not saying that it does. I know others will wax philosophical about an item, whereas my word skills are lacking, so I am just posting brief notes. Based on not making the Top 32 for 3/4 of my attempts (or even Top 100 this year), I know I'm not a good judge of what is Superstar for this round.

[Azouth]

So, how does this work?

Teapot of Potion Mixture
Aura strong (no school); CL 17th
Slot none; Price 16,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
When up to three potions or extracts are placed within and then heated for twenty minutes, they will gain either:
1. Empowered and Extended as the feats.
2. Maximized as the feat.
Then they can be poured in up to six cups with the duration being divided equally among the cups.
Drinking the contents of a cup in full grants the effect of all the potions/extracts as modified above.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Maximize Spell, Empower Spell, Extend Spell; Cost 8,000 gp

[Steven Helt]

cmjohnst wrote:

Astral Thief’s Opera Gloves

A common bit of advice is "don't tell me who made or prizes the item". In most campaigns, it won't work out that way at all. So save those words for a better visual description or for gray-area rules text.

The purpose of an extra-dimensional space is two-fold: allow a character to carry something they normally couldn't because of size, shape, or weight; and to hide things from people. When you start to make it easy to circumvent use of those staples, say, allowing an NPC or capricious player to reach into their portable hole and take stuff out of it, you start messing with trust and eroding the fun one or more characters have. Seeing the extradimensional spaces through an opaque hand would be cool. Reaching into someone's handy haversack and taking the alchemist's mutagen is....less fun.

I don't like the unarmed strike dealing piercing damage with either glove, and don't like the first glove being ghost touch. Extradimensional space and ethereal space are not the same thing. Focus on one good mechanics (detecting ed spaces) and le that be the star of the show.

The two gloves with connected powers thing is neat.

Allowing the ed "shadow" to heal itself after three rounds is a balancing mechanic. THat is to say, it doesn't make sense except that you don't want your gloves to be too powerful. I'm not a fan of that kind of design. I'm also not a fan of cutting ed spaces open with...leather fingertips.

Finally, any attended item ought to have a CMD equal to the wearer's CMB. You can modify for item size if you want, but you aren't really making an aggressive move on the bag, you're making a move on the owner and he should get a full chance to defend himself, including an AoO or counter maneuver.

You have a cool visual concept here. I think it's a little broken and has the chance to be no fun for adventurers and/or GMs. It has incongruous abilities, too: piercing damage and conveying the ability for an inanimate object to heal itself. Those flaws might have hurt you in voting, but I do think the raw mojo of the gloves is pretty good.

[Steven Helt]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Based on not making the Top 32 for 3/4 of my attempts (or even Top 100 this year), I know I'm not a good judge of what is Superstar for this round.

With respect, Thomas, I disagree with that statement. First, you've been in the top 32, which means you have the ability to get there. Heck, you made the top 32 before I did, so you might have some ability to hang around if you got in. Second, there are people every year that don't advance but have great design chops and ideas. Spicer didn't get in his first year. I don't think anyone believes he didn't understand Superstar.

If I were to give YOU feedback (and it's worth what you paid for it), it would be for you to make yourself give more varied feedback. That forces you to develop those writing skills and teaches you to spot Superstar/nonSuperstar qualities in your own work. I could not have won Superstar last year if it weren't for years of feedback for other peoples' items, monster, villains, etc. Not cause I'm all that, but because the practice of helping other people improve helped me improve.

Now, you are right that the technical limit on an item is 300 words and going over is a no-no. You are also right that other people are going to give full critiques so it isn't like you're robbing them of Steve's or Scott's advice. But you might be robbing someone of your best advice. And that someone might be you.

Please take that less as criticism and more as constructive feedback between friends. I know you know what Superstar is and I hate to see you put yourself down or settle without getting back on your horse. You give the feedback you want to give, but your mojo and Superstar feedback is worth as much as anyone else's.

[Allana Sliwinski]

Mine was the Plague Cake;

Plague Cake
Aura: Faint Conjuration, CL: 3rd
Slot: None, Price: 1,500gp, Weight: -
Description
The Plague Cake is a mouldy, wormy ships biscuit that smells strongly of rot and rodent. When placed by the user and the command word spoken it begins to summon rats (pg. 132, Bestiary) and may only be stopped by destroying or intentionally moving the Cake at least 100 feet, though movement such a ship sailing away with a Cake on it would not destroy the Cake. Finding the Plague Cake requires a DC 14 Perception test to track the stench of rot.

The Plague Cake continues to create rats and every 24 hours the rats come together to form a swarm (as per pg. 232, Bestiary). The rats will not go more than 100 feet from the Plague Cake; they will eat everything in the vicinity except the Cake, which is too repulsive even for them. The Plague Cake will only create 4 swarms, after this time the Cake decays and is considered destroyed; though the created rats remain but are no longer restrained to the area. Individual rats will avoid people but a swarm will attack any living creature, except other rats, that comes within 10 feet of them.

Anyone who eats the Plague Cake instantly contracts Filth Fever (as per pg. 232, Bestiary) and must make a DC 12 Fortitude save or be Sickened for 1d6 rounds. Eating the Cake counts as destroying the Cake and prevents rats from being summoned.

Construction
Requirements: Create Wondrous Item, Summon Swarm, Cost: 750gp

[frank gori]

I thought I posted this on page 2 but I guess I messed that up... facepalm. Feel free to be brutal I don;t pull any punches on my thread.

Shadow Archer’s Gage
Aura moderate conjuration and illusion; CL 9th
Slot hands; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description

These elbow length brown leather gloves are adorned with burnished steel buttons shaped like targets. Resting behind left thumb is a small field target gage, if used as a bow sight it reduces range penalties by one.

By speaking a command word the wearer may teleport a bow and up to 80 arrows from her hand to a dimensional pocket as a free action. Items stored can be recalled with another command word. Only bows and arrows can be stored in this pocket.

Stored weapons may be fired through the gage with a gesture which provokes an attack of opportunity if used in melee range. When firing through the gage, the wearer’s shadow can be observed knocking, aiming, and firing a bow with an opposed perception check against the wearer’s sleight of hand. If the perception check fails the first strike through the gage will catch a target flat footed. Arrows fired through the gage apply the wearer’s BAB and any applicable class features and feats as though the bow was being fired normally, though it leaves the wearer with one hand free.

If a bow is stored into the gloves with no ammunition, the wearer may elect to fire shadow arrows. Shadow arrows are illusions and only one-fifth (20%) as strong as real arrows, though creatures who believe the shadow arrows to be real are affected by them at full strength. Any creature that interacts with shadow ammunition can make a DC 16 Will save to recognize its true nature.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration, secret chest; Cost 15,000 gp

[Steven Helt]

Thunderbuckets wrote:

Spellmason's Mallet

I like your mallet just fine. I don't remember seeing it, but that doesn't mean I didn't. I'd just say I like it and I think I might have placed it in my own top 32 if I had seen it.

Now, some imperfections that might have cost you: it is a weapon with weapon stats. Even calling it an improvised weapon might set some people off. Personally, I'd have made it a rubber mallet and no good as a weapon at all, except maybe ten rounds a day or something.

The magic wall stuff is very cool. Maybe give the item a function that assists in building the wall, like +1 caster level if the mallet is held while casting.

[Steven Helt]

GM_Solspiral wrote:

Shadow Archer’s Gage

How could I resist after last year? : )

I kind of like these. Cinematic, in the sense that the archer is barehanded until he conjures a bow and arrows and starts sticking bad guys. Physical description is fun.

Remember that mechanical numerical language is almost always expressed in numbers instead of words to avoid confusion. Your gauge might reduce range penalties by one (range increment) or reduce the penalty to hit by -1. Myself, I might have just given you an untyped +1 to hit beyond the first range increment. That just seems easier.

If I gesture, I take an AoO, and then if I don't have some schevy archer ability, I take another just for shooting the arrow I just drew. Might hurt you with some votes of archer players.

I think right now there's also a lot of backlash against archer characters. There's this feeling among the dpr types that ranged fighters deal to much damage and don't risk much in combat. Remember, you are looking for the support from the voting public, so be aware of trends in builds and game balance.

Shadow arrow....20% of the damage dice? Or total damage? The idea of a weak fallback when your guy runs out of arrows probably appeals to realists, or doesn't appeal to the Jon Wu crowd. But you need to state the total damage is reduced because the arrows are quasi-real.

One day, you won't be able to enter this contest anymore.

[TwoDee]

Cathara wrote:

Mine was the Plague Cake;

So you were plague cake guy! My quibble with the plague cake is that it fell pretty clearly into a villainous niche. I get that the judges have been rewarding certain items that have obviously villainous applications, but the issue with the Cake is that it was something that the PCs would use maybe once, in an extremely specific circumstance, but it applied much better when used as, say, an obstacle put in place by a villain trying to cover his/her tracks, or as a macguffin intended to stymie the PCs.

I think you also lost points based on gross-out factor. That's never really been an issue for me, but I think it's been a longstanding cliche to the judges.

[BenMathiesen]

Evan Draughon wrote:

Lucky Golden Tooth
Aura moderate divination; CL 6th
Slot none; Price 30,000 gp; Weight –
Description
This brightly polished golden...

I saw this one frequently and upvoted it often. It's simple and cool.

[Allana Sliwinski]

TwoDee wrote:

Cathara wrote:

Mine was the Plague Cake;

So you were plague cake guy! My quibble with the plague cake is that it fell pretty clearly into a villainous niche. I get that the judges have been rewarding certain items that have obviously villainous applications, but the issue with the Cake is that it was something that the PCs would use maybe once, in an extremely specific circumstance, but it applied much better when used as, say, an obstacle put in place by a villain trying to cover his/her tracks, or as a macguffin intended to stymie the PCs.

I think you also lost points based on gross-out factor. That's never really been an issue for me, but I think it's been a longstanding cliche to the judges.

Heh, fair, it was a tad ick. Though I wasn't aiming for gross, just gritty.

I was aiming for a rogue tool; something to use against your enemies in an urban environment (run them out of business, act as a distraction, etc). But also something to act as a plot tool for DMs (a villain with it could work well in a small village that the PCs need to help)

[Kaartus]

I submitted the following item, i'm hoping that some of you - hopefully some judges as well could give me some feedback on how to improve for next year.

Akene Amulet
Aura Faint Transmutation; CL 4th
Slot Amulet; Price 2,000gp; Weight -
Description
This rounded amulet is covered in dandelion down and strung from a vine cord. Blowing upon the amulet releases the thousands of feathery seeds in a 30ft cone. As the seeds settle upon soil false footprints and tracks form, as the fake trails spread the seeds rapidly mature into a field of flowering dandelions containing the scent of the amulet's owner.

Up to 4 other people may blow upon the amulet before activation in which case the field of flowers contains the scent of those individuals as well and the tracks mirror those that would be left by the characters. Those involved with the activation lose their scent and create no tracks (as per the pass without trace spell) for the next 8 hours. This function works 1/day. The field spreads the misleading scent as the original targets would, though picked flowers lose their magical property but the effect is not negated unless more than half the field is destroyed. Upon the end of the duration the field of dandelion become mundane plants but the tracks remain, decaying as normal.
Construction Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, Extend Spell, pass without trace; Cost 1,000gp

[Evan Draughon]

BenMathiesen wrote:

Evan Draughon wrote:

Lucky Golden Tooth
Aura moderate divination; CL 6th
Slot none; Price 30,000 gp; Weight –
Description
This brightly polished golden...

I saw this one frequently and upvoted it often. It's simple and cool.

Thanks Ben. Glad it was something you enjoyed!

[MicMan]

Lens of Forceful Concordance
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot eyes; Price 15,000 gp; Weight -
Description
Tiny white motes constantly stream from the rim towards the center of this jet black lens. The lens comfortably covers one eye, being perfectly clear to vision despite its appearance.

Once per day as a standard action the wearer of the lens may cause a 5 foot image of the lens to appear on the ground of a square within 100 feet, transforming it into a so called concordance. Medium or smaller creatures within 30 feet of the forming concordance must succeed at a DC 16 Will save or are instantly teleported to it.

The square of the concordance may be occupied by any number of creatures at the same time but creatures of larger than medium size cannot enter it. Creatures in the square are dimensionally stacked upon each other in a confusing display of seemingly fused limbs and bodies which acts as a blur spell for as long as the stacking persists. Stacked creatures are incorporeal in regard to each other and can’t move or be moved from the concordance.

If a stacked creature is targeted by a spell or effect, use the statistics of one randomly determined stacked creature instead, if necessary, to resolve the spell or effect. All stacked creatures then suffer any results equally.

The concordance lasts for 1d6 rounds after which stacked creatures are free to move from the square one by one. The stacking effect persists indefinitely for creatures remaining in the square but no new creatures may enter it during this time.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blur, teleport Cost 7,500 gp
----------------------------
Thanks for your time.

Spoiler:

I really thought that this year I had a chance at top100. However only a single item from my personal top32 actually made it, though most (but not all) are in the top100. So I guess my tastes are somewhat not that mainstream (which means I don't know whats actually good).

[Thunderbuckets]

Since everyone starts their reviews on Page 1 items, I figured Page 1 is good and covered, so I started my reviews on Page 2 items. :D

Soul's Visage
First of all, add me to the list of people who don't know the honor system (and didn't look it up to get the exact mechanics).

That said: mechanically, it's still giving you a +1 bonus. It takes awhile to get to that fact, and it's got the business with the light and the Knowledge (nobility) and the hiding, but: this is a +1 bonus to something. It is so hard to make "you get a bonus to a thing" a Superstar-worthy idea, no matter what the bonus or what the thing. So the concept isn't making me jump up and want to run over and find out how the honor system works. I don't know everything about how psionics works, for instance, but if I get an item that's just "you get a +1 to your psionics points" then I can already tell I'm not going to be super-interested in what it does. That coupled with some minor structure things (lowercase and italicize your item, missing comma, weird word choice in a few places) kept this from superstardom in my book.

Thespian's Globe
I... kinda liked this one, I will say. I think it's the details that killed it - it's a permanent slotless boost that increases your bardic performance radius by 50%, sure, but I love bards and I've never really run into many situations where their radius was too small. Sure, it comes up, but it's very niche when it would - crowd control, mass war zone, or acting performance. I did prefer the second ability, to briefly share your afflictions with the crowd, but I wasn't sure a hologram-orb with your face would be the best way to do it.

I think if you'd taken the better of those two abilities and added a few more restrictions and flavour, you'd have a better item.

Sandstone Sirocco
I think that's two years in a row you made an item I liked! The statue description and concept of a pet whirlwind is SUPER great. The actual usage of the pet whirlwind - you get to spend a minute cleaning up footprints or wiping away runes - is really, really unfortunate. I think there are tons of fun things you can do with a tiny sandstorm that follows you around, and I think the item focused on none of them. When I vote for wondrous items, I want things my characters would use and remember using. 'That time I cleaned up a short portion of my tracks' isn't a super-memorable story. Your writing is really clear and evocative, however: snaps for that.

Lucky Golden Tooth
It's actually really simple and contained my favorite best luck reroll mechanic of the contest. It was my favorite bit of metal you put in your mouth, which, uh, actually was a category given all the golden teeth and silver tongues floating around this year. But when you get down to it, it's a slotless overpriced metaroll item - that is, it affects die rolls and not ingame situation. It affects arbitrary concepts of the things that represent your actions. I love it when my items can impact the world of the game, and not just the numbers behind the world. I will admit turning a 1 into a 20 would be fairly fun, though!

Choker of Spell Stifling
My mages would never use this on themselves. So the item is limited to those extremely rare times when I don't want an enemy caster to be able to cast, but I do want her to be alive, but I don't want to gag her and tie her up, but I do want her to be able to talk, but I don't want to put her in an antimagic field... the window of usefulness just keeps shrinking and shrinking. As a GM, sure, I'd put my players in this, but I'd just make up some flat antimagic shackles and not bother with a complicated item that my PCs would rarely use. Your mechanics are solid; just go for an idea that more people can use more often.

Mask of the Wayang
Heh, I did just play Link Between Worlds, so this felt a little overdone. Coupled with me really liking two of the shadow cloaks and I felt like I'd seen this sort of thing done a lot in the contest. But it's not just the overstuffed design space - you're doing a cool shadowmorph effect, and I want to see you have more fun with it! I want to know about the cool things I can do as a 2D shadow - saying "you can't talk or use items or attack or do anything other than hide" makes it boring. Great, I succeed on hide checks. Can I move? Can I slide through door cracks? What if someone destroys the wall? What if someone casts stone shape or passwall - am I still immune to that? Think bigger with your ideas, and give me an item that's even more fun to play instead of spending tons of wordcount telling me about all the penalties and drawbacks and ways I can hurt myself with your item.

Thunderstorm Mantle
A cape of clouds that turns into cloud armor that impales and bull rushes and multiattacks chain-lightning-style and deflects and DRs and punches my enemies and has a mythic tier... it just feels like too much in too small a package. It's a lot of stabbing done by my cloud armor, and that's fine, but if I'm wearing literal stormclouds on my shoulders, maybe there's something cooler I could do with them? Additionally, your writing is evocative but a little repetitive: "jagged bolts" used twice in the first two paragraphs, sentence four uses "thunder" twice, a few little things like that. The imagery is supercool, though. There's a reason you're our MVP!

Glaring Mask
It's a simple and straightforward skillboost and charge-stopper. The charge-stopping ability is the fun one, and there was an item on my top 32 that did it a little better, with more panache and zazz. I liked the simplicity and the good attention to detail: I want to see you go bigger and have more fun with your items.

Manipulator's Headdress
I cannot believe you wrote this in three hours while hungover. I kind of hate you. This made my top 32 and I'm surprised it didn't make more people's: the evocativeness of the writing is superb. That first paragraph is beautiful. The mechanics have a few sentences that could be rebuilt, but you take a complicated manipulation idea and explain it smartly and quickly. My voting partner dinged this as the Fifty Shades of Grey item - lashes that wrap around your opponent and bend them to your will - and I can sort of see that, but the imagery and fun times in store are strong enough that I don't care. Again, that's two years in a row you made items that I adored. You should probably stick with this 'writing' thing, since you're kinda awesome at it.

Sun Wukong's Puzzle Box
So this was my first notice that the mad monkeys spell was actually a thing! And my neutral reaction to this item was mostly because I spent most of the time reading this item thinking "I can't believe mad monkeys is a thing that exists in this game." So there's that. Mechanically, it's pretty cool, though it's a very specialized "Look! Distraction!" minute-long escape that would be fun a few times, but not 25k worth of amusement. I will also say that I knew nothing about Sun Wukong mythology, so the connection between puzzles and monkeys seemed a little stretched, and the item isn't that helpful in connecting the dots if you don't already know they're there. But: the presentation is spot-on.

Bucket Hat
I do remember this: it felt like a joke/cursed item. If it wanted to wake you up after you fell asleep, there are simpler and easier ways to do that than dumping endless buckets of water on your head. No one would wear it outside of combat and I can't picture too many people wearing it in combat too. The name was also pretty bland and nondescript. I liked that your item tried to include a certain sense of whimsy, though!

[Raisse]

Gloves of Suspended Arcana
Aura moderate evocation; CL 10th
Slot hands; Price 12,000 gp; Weight —
Description
The backs of these stitched leather gloves are covered with gold-threaded runes. Up to 3 times per day, the wearer can activate the gloves as a free action to store a held touch spell into the gloves until the end of his turn. While a spell is stored, the wearer is not considered to be holding the charge, allowing him to cast a spell without discharging the stored spell. At the end of his turn, any stored spell is released and the wearer is considered holding the charge again; if the wearer is holding the charge of a new spell, the spell stored in the gloves is harmlessly discharged instead.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Draconic Reservoir; Cost 6,000 gp

My guesses based on reading judges' comments for Top 32:

It seems like they were looking for more detailed and descriptive flavor text. Unfortunately, that was something I was actively avoiding, since I wanted to leave flavor type things (like how it does what it does) to individual GMs and players. If one table wants to have the gloves absorb the spell and glow a color according to the spell school or element (if elemental), while another table would prefer the runes on the backs to rearrange themselves into the text form of the spell in question, be my guest.

I am happy to make it into the top 100 this year. Last year (my first entry) did not make it to the top 89. I welcome all comments, positive or negative, so please don't sugar coat it if there's something you don't like.

[James Domachowski]

TORC OF TERRAN TRANSFORMATION
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot neck; Price 23,760 gp; Weight 1 lb.
DESCRIPTION
An intricately crafted copper necklace of two dragons weaving around each other, holding brilliant, green emeralds in their open maws.
By speaking the command word as a free action, the wearer establishes a magical connection to the Elemental Plane of Earth gaining the Elemental and Earth subtypes. This grants her immunity to bleed, paralysis, poison, sleep effects, and stunning, is not subject to critical hits, flanking, or additional damage from precision-based attacks, such as sneak attack, and she does not need to breathe. In addition, the torc grants her a burrow speed equal to her land speed, the ability to earth glide, darkvision 60 feet, tremorsense 60 feet, a +2 size bonus to your Strength, and a +4 natural armor bonus. This connection last up to 11 minutes each day, but the duration need not be consecutive but can be taken in a minimum of 1 minute intervals.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, elemental body III; Cost 11,880 gp

[Taylor Hubler]

Thunderbuckets wrote:

Since everyone starts their reviews on Page 1 items, I figured Page 1 is good and covered, so I started my reviews on Page 2 items. :D

Actually there are several page 1 items that have only seen one review in this discussion. Awesome for you to do page 2 and give those guys some love though. I know how it feels to be watching and waiting all too well.

[Scarletrose]

Christopher Wasko wrote:

I really like this item. The immediate action use is pretty special, and very functional for certain kinds of combat encounters. I would just try to kill any adjectives that are not 100% necessary; you can clean up a lot of the first sentence that way. Pay close attention to pronouns and capitalizations as well.

James Raine wrote:

Scarletrose wrote:

Glaring mask

This item was a solid item hampered by poor formatting (uncapitalized save and skill names, broken into multiple paragraphs, no italicized spell names in requirements). I liked it, and I voted for it more often than not.

Thunderbuckets wrote:

Glaring Mask
It's a simple and straightforward skillboost and charge-stopper. The charge-stopping ability is the fun one, and there was an item on my top 32 that did it a little better, with more panache and zazz. I liked the simplicity and the good attention to detail: I want to see you go bigger and have more fun with your items.

My major problem with RPG Superstar is I always realize the competition is starting when we are a couple of days before the end of the first round.

I sent items the last two years but I didn't even bother to send them to critique my item as I saw for myself some horrible mistake I made with the item.

First of all .. the adjectives in the first sentence.
You are right, the first sentence is a mess, I guess I panicked a little when describing the object.
I knew I shouldn't simply describe it as "this is a mask" but I probably ended describing too much in a clumsy way.

The formatting is a combination of hurry and stupidity. Capitalization aside (that was an honest mistake) I assure you my word file has italicized spell names... except I should have used the tags since italicization in word won't Copy/paste on the form.
The multiple paragraph thing is a news to me. Is the text of a wondrous item supposed to be all in a single paragraph? If that's so I really learned something here as I did not notice.
I think I trusted the template too much and by working on the pasted template I somehow thought all the formatting issues were automatically resolved and just stopped to paying enough attention to certain things.

And Yes, the item is simple and straightfoward. That made me a little concerned but I think my past 2 entries played a role in that.
I went too big on those past entries and by going too big with limited time (as always, realizing rpg superstar has started just 3 or 4 days before the deadline) I always did something horribly horribly wrong.
This year I just reworked one of the bonus feats I conceded on my campaign. (the talent is one use per day but DC based on Charisma)
I would love to go a little more wild but I should either work on items during the year or at least remember that RPG Superstar 201X doesn't start on January of that year buy on early December of the Year before, near my birthday.
It's unfortunate that I didn't pass since I do LOVE urban encounters and I believe I have a pretty solid monster ready for round 2 (that still has a 660 word count at the moment but I guess that's no longer a problem)

Thanks for the review

[Eric Hindley]

Ok, I am game, what killed me:

Green Thumb
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 1,500 gp; Weight —
Description
This withered green lump bears a strong resemblance to a desiccated thumb with long, dried out bits of vine trailing from its base. As a standard action, it can be thrown up to 100 feet. No attack roll is needed, but throwing the thumb provokes an attack of opportunity. When the green thumb hits a surface, it roots in, attaching itself and immediately sprouting wriggling vines which cover a radius of 30 feet. These vines writhe and curl around the limbs of all creatures in the area, helping allies and hindering foes.
Enemies within the radius move as if in difficult terrain. An opponent within the vines can make a DC 25 combat maneuver check to ignore the movement penalty. If the check fails by 10 or more, the user can immediately disarm or steal (as per the combat maneuver) one item from the foe, which falls at the enemy’s feet.
Allies within the radius gain a +5 circumstance bonus to Climb checks. The vines will catch any ally if they fail their check by 5 or more points, allowing the individual to treat the check exactly as if they had failed by 4 or less.
A green thumb can be used for a total of 10 rounds. If the green thumb is plucked from its point of origin (a standard action) by anyone, all of its effects immediately end. Any creature that made a Climb check within the last round must make another immediate Climb check. In this way its total rounds of use can be broken up.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, entangle, plant growth; Cost 750 gp

[richard develyn]

A very kind person sent me a copy - thought I'd lost it forever!

Bucket Hat
Aura faint conjuration; CL 1st
Slot head; Price 1,000 gp; Weight -

Description
This soft cotton hat with its wide and downward sloping brim is a favorite with anyone who has a phobia about witches and their slumber-inducing ways.

The hat is comfortable to wear, and fits well under a suit of armor, however should the wearer go to sleep then the hat will dump two gallons of water on their heads every round until they wake up.

The hat works equally well if placed on the head of someone already asleep.

Although the action of the hat and the effect on the wearer is immediate this does not prevent a wearer dropping prone if they fall asleep while standing.

People generally take it off before going to bed.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, create water; Cost 500 gp

I'd wear it :-)

Richard

[Christopher Dudley]

Anyone keep a copy of the Aberrant Eye? I made a couple last minute changes in the submission box that I forgot to copy back to the text file. Pm it to me if you have it, please. Thanks.

[Haladir]

richard develyn wrote:

A very kind person sent me a copy - thought I'd lost it forever!

Bucket Hat

I saw this one a few times while voting. Im pretty sure i voted for it once or twice. It seemed sound mechanically, and you nailed format.

I thought this item was kind of cute, but also rather silly. I could see using it in a less-than-serious game, but not in a gritty or horror-focused game.

It also made me think of an old song by Inner City Unit from the early '80s...

[Aeris Fallstar]

I have to say, that the Tactician's Go-Ke and the Gauntlets of Earth Shattering and Devouring were my two favorite items! I loved them more than my own and intend on using them in my own game!

[MrCab]

Nazard wrote:

Pandora's wrote:

Trickster’s Calling Card

Aura faint illusion; CL 1st
Slot none; Price 500 gp; Weight —
Description
This palm-sized pewter disk appears unremarkable to avoid notice. When it is touched to a solid object and a command word is spoken, the disk projects a visual figment, taking on the appearance of the object touched. The object touched must be no larger than 2 cubic feet. A creature that interacts with the figment receives a DC 12 Will save to recognize it as an illusion. After 6 hours, this figment fades, leaving behind a glowing personal rune similar to an arcane mark on the surface of the disk. Optionally, a short written message of 25 words or less can also appear on the disk. This message must be spoken when the disk is activated. The markings are permanent, but the disk cannot create another figment once activated.

The personal rune that appears on the disk is unique to the item’s user and is a reflection of his personality and defining characteristics, although it never reveals the user’s identity. This same mark appears on all of the user’s calling cards and does not change unless the user goes through a significant change in identity, such as a change in alignment or life goals.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silent image, arcane mark; Cost 250 gp

I know, my spells are backwards.

So this item makes 6-hour illusory copies of small objects, then leaves a Zorro-like mark. Why? Is it so you can make a fake of some MacGuffin (that a 1st level commoner will see through 50% of the time) to use for a swap out?

I just never got the point of this item.

That's what I got out of it. Leaving a mark is good, but I don't like the text "never reveals the user's identity". I got the impression of a Zorro like mark that could never be identified as Zorro's, even if it is a big Z.

[Sir William]

MrCab wrote:

Sir William wrote:

Sewing Form of the Steel Seamstress

Aura strong transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 90,000 gp; Weight 200 lbs.
Description
...

Didn't like this item since it breaks game balance. I see this item leading to wizards and other lightly armored characters figuring out how to carry the mannequin around with them in a...

This was my biggest concern when putting the item together. Certainly something I attempted to avoid. Was there a specific way that you can see that happening?

[MrCab]

Azouth wrote:

So, how does this work?

Teapot of Potion Mixture
Aura strong (no school); CL 17th
Slot none; Price 16,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
When up to three potions or extracts are placed within and then heated for twenty minutes, they will gain either:
1. Empowered and Extended as the feats.
2. Maximized as the feat.
Then they can be poured in up to six cups with the duration being divided equally among the cups.
Drinking the contents of a cup in full grants the effect of all the potions/extracts as modified above.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Maximize Spell, Empower Spell, Extend Spell; Cost 8,000 gp

The flavor's here (ugh, I just realized that's a terrible pun), but I'm wary of the effect. Splitting potions in general can cause headaches, and this does it six ways. I get why extended is in here, since the duration is split up potentially six ways, doubling the duraction that gets split helps to mitigate that effect, which I'm actually okay with. Empowering and maximizing however is a bit excesive. This item is destined to lead to arguments at the table about what the exact effect of a potion from the teapot is.

To the literal question of how does it work, I think it's all there. Put potions in teapot, put teapot on stove or otherwise heat for 20 minutes, pour into at most 6 cups, consume to gain benefits of 3 potions at once. Reading it again I suppose it should say they need to be consumed within an hour or the potions are wasted, otherwise I spend a day making super teacup sized potions of Cure Serious Wounds, Bull's Strength, and something else. Maybe even just Cure Serious, since it it says up to 6, meaning I could pour 3 potions of cure serious into a single cup, for a gaurenteed 9d8+45 maximized to 72+15 HP and then empowered for half of 9d8+15, and it never goes bad. Even though I just thought of this, it goes towards a general rule of if something is mucking with how spells work, I'm going to be worried about allowing it.

[Pen2paper]

Saw a lot of items in the above list I didn't honestly get to vote on. Not sure why but I missed seeing maybe 20 or more. Sad really because there are some real gems.

When you get some time, feel free to give me your opinions on my item.

Somen Mask of Shinjitsu
Aura Moderate Divination; CL 9th
Slot Head; Price 6,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
Bestowed by the Emperor to the greatest of his samurai warriors, the iron “Mask of Truth” conforms perfectly to the wearers face. Each mask is specifically crafted for the individual Samurai but by design, each covers the face completely leaving only holes for the nose and eyes. While worn the mask offers the wearer a +5 competence bonus to all Sense Motive and Intimidation check rolls. The wearer also gains a +3 insight bonus to all Will saving throws to resist any attempts to Beguile, Charm, Mislead or hide truth/reality with illusionary spell lines.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Discern Lies, True Seeing, creator must be lawful; Cost 3,000 gp

Have a great day folks.. ok back to working on my Tian module for my players.. =o)

[Garrick Williams]

Looks like I'm late to this party. I don't suppose I could also post a second item? I debated between two candidates and now I wonder if the other would have done better.

Fleshless Shroud
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot shoulders; Price 10,900 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Despite reeking of ancient decay, the exterior of this musty cloak appears clear as crystal, selectively rendering soft flesh invisible while revealing bones underneath. With a command word, the wearer can extend this effect to their entire body, making them appear skeletal until speaking the command word again. The wearer gains a +10 bonus to Disguise checks when disguising as a skeletal undead. The cloak also casts a glamer effect that makes the wearer’s equipment appear as if ravaged by the passing of time. The wearer of a fleshless shroud detects as an undead creature for the purpose of magic such as detect undead, but detects as normal for magic that reveals their true form. A creature without a skeleton of any kind gains concealment when shrouded by the cloak.

The cloak's ability to reveal a creature’s skeletal structure provides innate medicinal use, granting a +2 circumstance bonus on Heal checks when applying long-term care or treating deadly wounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, invisibility, misdirection; Cost 5,450 gp

[Pen2paper]

2 specific items that really caught my eye:
1) a Pair of glovies that allowed two folks to monitor each others life force by the use of colors. I haven't seen this item posted in this thread but if your the creator please know I jacked your item for my homebrew. Those are simple, affordable, imaginative and effective. I don't see them as disrupting the game and yet add a great benefit when the world is dark for seperated players. (Tomb of Horrors flashback- shudder)
2) The Mapper- this item really stood out for me. I could see someone standing on a hill and letting this thing do its job. I could see it performing its work and providing you with this fantastic representation. Really crafty idea and again I don't see this as a world shattering device everyone will want. I see it in the hands of a player character with smarts.. that wants to know the land before taking a step into it or I see it being used by someone working for a king that is using it to map the Kingdom. Again rich flavor for me, lets of hook ideas.

I won't go into the design on either items I leave that for better eyes.

Also I have read through a ton of very well designed items that also caught my eye. Of course anything using a Tian theme because I'm working on a city and adventure series now for it. (Having a blast learning about the Oriental Culture plus I'm lucky enough to have some folks I work with from Japan and China that help me with translations and understanding the idea behind the "word" or "idea". What does Kami or Oni really mean to them? Great help~

Anyways, wanted to say great job folks, I enjoyed being able to see all of your work.

[Amy Gillespie]

Chris Donnangelo wrote:

Had not been able to find it during the voting. Maybe it was disqualified?

Fury Powder

I saw this item several times, so unless I was looking at a list no one else saw ... It wasn't disqualified.

I liked this item. The concept behind it was fairly sound. The writing needed as other edit or two. I think that is what was your "downfall" per se - it was a little convoluted and the origin didn't necessarily need to be in the item. I have failed in that myself.

Add lots of flavor about the item and then let your mechanics fall flat.

There is the possibility many voters suffer from hay fever and are wary of having to deal with that in-game, too.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

(Sorry, guys, I don't have time to review everyone's items this year -- maybe I'll get to it after the competition? -- but wanted to pop in when I could.)

Garrick, I assume no one will care if you post your second item, but you may also want to save it as a possible contender for next year (or for Wayfinder or whatever).

Kaartus wrote:

I submitted the following item, i'm hoping that some of you - hopefully some judges as well could give me some feedback on how to improve for next year.

Akene Amulet
Aura Faint Transmutation; CL 4th
Slot Amulet; Price 2,000gp; Weight -
Description
This rounded amulet is covered in dandelion down and strung from a vine cord. Blowing upon the amulet releases the thousands of feathery seeds in a 30ft cone. As the seeds settle upon soil false footprints and tracks form, as the fake trails spread the seeds rapidly mature into a field of flowering dandelions containing the scent of the amulet's owner.

Up to 4 other people may blow upon the amulet before activation in which case the field of flowers contains the scent of those individuals as well and the tracks mirror those that would be left by the characters. Those involved with the activation lose their scent and create no tracks (as per the pass without trace spell) for the next 8 hours. This function works 1/day. The field spreads the misleading scent as the original targets would, though picked flowers lose their magical property but the effect is not negated unless more than half the field is destroyed. Upon the end of the duration the field of dandelion become mundane plants but the tracks remain, decaying as normal.
Construction Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, Extend Spell, pass without trace; Cost 1,000gp

I'm thrilled you posted, Kaartus, since I loved your item. I think it was actually my favorite of the whole contest after my own. I'm pretty sure I looked for it in the Top 32 right after looking for my own.

I LOVED the visuals of this with the growing field of dandelions. Just loved them. Felt very "Wizard of Oz" to me.

If I had to guess why it didn't make the cut?
You had a couple small template issues. Construction, for example, goes on its own line, with requirements on the line with the actual requirements. The aura should be lowercase, as should the slot. There should be spaces between the price and cost and "gp." "30ft." also doesn't follow style -- it should be "... in a 30-foot cone."

Other thoughts: Try to use more exciting verbs than "to be." While I like your description of the item, using "is" in it doesn't really draw me in as a reader.

I don't know if the name hurt you. This was one of two words I had to look up, which I actually like, but others may not have been as willing to do so.

Finally, I don't know whether the powers might have felt too mundane for some people? (Then again, I think you were in the Top 100, so I doubt that was a problem) I think it's rare for the PCs to be followed. It may also have been too long an effect, which I could see the judges taking account of. 8 hours once per day means this basically could be used at the start of every single day and would cover the whole travel time. Worse, there's nothing preventing me from putting the amulet on in the morning, activating it, and then swapping it out for another one. That's a killer, since it effectively makes it a slotless item. It probably needed a line that the effects were lost if the amulet was removed.

Regardless, for me, the visuals trumped all of those concerns, but I guess that's where I'd focus for next year.

[Kerney]

zylphryx wrote:

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

zylphryx wrote:

Resonant Tines

Over word count.

nope ... 299 words as per the Paizo submission tool. Was not kicked from the voting and made it to the top 100, so I trust their word count tool.

Got any feedback on the item mechanics?

Ditto for me according to submission tool (293 is what it came to at the time, if I make the changes you suggest it comes to 299).

Actual feedback on item mechanics are useful. This kind of response does not come off as helpful but (and I assume you don't mean it as such) as distracting petty sniping.

Yes, I added the craft wondrous item here. It was a boneheaded mistake. It was done so that I could get opinion on the mechanics and not have someone feel like they were adding something useful by mentioning it.

[Jason Evans]

Looks like I'm late to the party!

Bone Snatcher Bracelet
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot wrist; Price 20,000 gp; Weight -
Description

This elegant silver bracelet features a clasp that resembles a skull and links crafted as skeletal hands.

With a touch the wearer of a bone snatcher bracelet can transform an undead creature into a charm as a standard action. Unintellegent undead under the wearer’s control are automatically transformed while intelligent undead receive a Will save to resist being stored. Undead not currently under the wearer’s control can be stored with a melee touch attack that provokes an attack of opportunity. These uncontrolled undead receive an additional Will save every hour to break free. Any undead that breaks free appears immediately in a square adjacent to the wearer. Storing an undead creature in the bracelet drains the wearer of one hit point per HD of undead stored until it is released. The bracelet can store a maximum number of undead equal to twice the wearer’s HD with no single creature having HD that exceed the wearer’s.

A charm can be thrown to anywhere within 30 feet of the wearer as a standard action. The charm immediately transforms back into an undead creature and can act in that turn. The DC for the Will save to resist being captured or to break free from the bracelet is equal to 10 + the wearer’s Wisdom, Intelligence, or Charisma modifier (whichever is highest). If the wearer already has an undead stored in the bracelet, the DC to resist being captured is increased by +2 for other undead creatures of that specific type. If the wearer dies or removes the bracelet, all undead are released at a rate of one per round, highest HD to lowest.

Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, halt undead, reduce person; Cost 10,000 gp

[ImmortalGlitch]

It's been an eye opening experience, flattering and frustrating. I know we are all exceptionally busy people so it will mean a great deal to me if you guys could give me an honest critique of my item.

Crown of the Murder King
Aura moderate varied; CL 10th
Slot head; Price 33,000 gp; Weight 2 lb.
Description

A silver bauble is nestled in the peak of this crown made of intricately woven, dark brown and green vines. A pair of magical crows perch on either side at all times, restlessly awaiting the wearer's command.

On command these crows can communicate with nearby animals, whispering their responses into the wearer’s ear.

They also retrieve any specified shiny, unattended object (up to five pounds) within line of sight, returning to the wearer the following turn.

For 10 rounds per day, the crows can take flight and burst into a murder of crows that swarms around the wearer. The cloud of crows is so dense that ranged attacks against the wearer often hit a crow instead, as entropic shield. The crows peck and claw any creature in an adjacent square as elemental aura except dealing 1d6 points of damage and applying the shaken condition (DC 18 Reflex save half, negates shaken). The crows descend on any creature in the affected squares that is below 0 hp and strip the flesh from their bones instantly, increasing the ferocity of their assault (as death knell aura, except wearer gains 2d8 temporary hit points, aura affects squares adjacent to wearer, DC 18 Fortitude save negates). For every creature killed this way, the damage dealt increases by 1d6 points of damage (up to 5d6 maximum). The wearer can also command the crows to bear their weight, enabling them to take flight as fly. These bonuses last until the murder is dismissed or expires.

Construction
Requirements[/b] Craft Wondrous Item, death knell aura, entropic shield, elemental aura, fly, mage hand, speak with animal; Cost: 16,500 gp

[Samuel Stone]

MrCab wrote:

Nazard wrote:

Pandora's wrote:

Trickster’s Calling Card

So this item makes 6-hour illusory copies of small objects, then leaves a Zorro-like mark. Why? Is it so you can make a fake of some MacGuffin (that a 1st level commoner will see through 50% of the time) to use for a swap out?

I just never got the point of this item.

That's what I got out of it. Leaving a mark is good, but I don't like the text "never reveals the user's identity". I got the impression of a Zorro like mark that could never be identified as Zorro's, even if it is a big Z.

I rather liked this item, but I did feel like the Will save was rather low. Maybe it the save was bumped up as well as the price it would have done a bit better?

I'll do a more in-depth review once I start mass reviewing (hopefully) every item in this thread, but I saw this as a plot item. A master thief starts stealing items, and leaving behind the Calling Card so that the thefts are not immediately discovered. The PCs get called on to track down the thief who has been leaving his cards all over the city, stealing items of enormous value. It would be an effective plot item, but unfortunately, it is a plot item, and those tend to be frowned upon.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

Kerney wrote:

Flawed Pictograms Eat Stuff Much

Definitely over word count. Unlike the resonant tines, this item had a reason why it was over word count and a message trail for reporting the DQ. Most people prolly never saw this item as I reported it pretty quick and I never saw it again {looks at own voter tag}.

Unlike most voters, I understood the goblin connotation. Your problem is that you were too tied up explaining goblins and less about the item. The cost is very excessive as a ring of sustenance negates the need for this item at a fraction of the cost without requiring a skill check to use, 12 hours is a long time to curse someone (1/day use essentially), the bard thing has no uses per day (and weird), and no actions/time are listed to use the picture book (except the curse).

DQ report wrote:

Listed: 295

Actual: 301

- missing Craft Wondrous Item (3)
- missing space in "DC15" (1)
- missing "and" in Aura (1)
- missing space in "3lbs." (1)

295 was the list word counter on the voter page. Also, when adding a skill requirement to an item use: "creator must have ## ranks in the zzSkillname skill", which I didn't count.

[Garrick Williams]

Somen Mask of Shinjitsu
Good: Samurai mask? Rather intriguing. I honestly like to see more masks that do interesting things.
Bad: The mask is basically a "stats in a can." All it does is give you a skill and save bonus. The best items do interesting and novel things.
Ugly: Formatting errors. See my personal guide here. I'm not crazy about adding a backstory there. Remember that any 3rd level spellcaster can make one of these special masks that only "the Emperor" bestows.

Green Thumb
Good: I like the general idea of this one, that's saying a lot considering I saw many items that involved plants in the same manner. I personally like how the vines can be used to catch someone who falls. My favorite part is that the vines try to disarm and trip enemies, which I haven't seen in other difficult terrain items.
Bad: Way too much bloat. You could have easily condensed the first three sentences into one. Too much text can obfuscate your mechanics and make it a chore to figure out what your item does. The mechanics are also a bit clumsy. Finally, this item is way too cheap. It's basically web or black tentacles on steroids when there's no indication how often it can be used. Yet, you priced it cheaper than a 1st level, use-activated spell.
Ugly: You can throw it a 100 feet? It has a 10 round duration and yet its caster level is 5? Typically durations are measured in rounds per level or something like that. The vines can catch someone who falls while climbing, but not if they simply jump or fall off a ledge?

Akene Amulet
Good: At first I didn't like this item, but it grew on me. The visuals are not only cool, but serve a fun functional purpose that makes it more than what mere spell can do. To me, that's a true wondrous item.
Bad: The first paragraph really threw me off for a number of reasons:
1) Why indicate it creates seeds in a 30 foot cone? Personally, it feels weird to indicate odd ranges and areas with an item you wouldn't use on a battle grid.
2) Are the tracks only on the area? Do they lead from the area? How are they spreading the seeds? This rather little confusing to me.
Ugly: Tracking is one of those mechanics that's boring on paper, even though it can have a major impact on adventuring and tone of the story. I honestly think more GMs should consider having the party being tracked. In my experience, it's an excellent way to induce paranoia and make players think strategically about their adventuring process. Like Jacob suggests, this, the formatting, and the awkward first paragraph are likely the reasons your item did not make it to the top 32. It's a shame because I felt like this item showed more Superstar material than some of the items in the top 32.