2014 Critique my Wondrous Item thread


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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Designer, RPG Superstar Judge

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1) This thread is locked until 2pm PT on January 22nd (24 hours after the Top 32 are revealed). EDIT: Now with Improved Unlocking! :)
2) It's locked because we don't want people posting their items until the Top 32 are revealed (we don't want to bias the judges or break anonymity).
3) It's locked until the day after that because we want the Top 32 to have a day of congratulations before everyone else starts posting their items.
4) All of this applies to the 4 alternates (who we contact privately) as well as the other people who submitted wondrous items.

Thanks!

Star Voter Season 7

Manservant Mannequin
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 21,000 gp; Weight 12 lb.
DESCRIPTION

This fitting mannequin is an amalgamation of shaped wood, leather and metal gears. By manipulating the gears and leather straps almost any humanoid shape can be replicated precisely and equipped with any assortment of clothing, armor, and trinkets. When unequipped this mannequin can collapse down neatly for easy storage and transportation. Properly adjusting the mannequin to match an individuals measurements takes one person at least 5 minutes.

By speaking a command word within 250 feet of the mannequin, the speaker and the mannequin, but not the equipment either is wearing or holding, trade places simultaneously as if by dimension door. Once swapped the user is unable to act for the rest of the round. If the mannequin was not appropriately adjusted to the user or the equipment on the mannequin is improperly sized for the user he takes a -2 penalty to all rolls which require movement until adjustments are made.

By erecting the mannequin in a standing position and speaking another command word the mannequin acts as a guardian with an alarm radius of 20 feet for up to 12 hours per day, though they need not be contiguous. At the time of activation the user sets whether the alert will be audible or mental as alarm. Additionally, the user may have the mannequin automatically trade places with the user when the alert happens but doing so renders the user disoriented and unable to act for one additional round.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door, alarm; Cost 10,500 gp

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

I figured I’d take a risk this year and make a mythic item; I also intentionally made it too expensive to show up in a randomly generated treasure hoard.

Shawl, Spell-Mirror
Aura strong abjuration and divination; CL 13th
Slot shoulders; Price 130,000 gp; Weight 1 lb;
Description

Magic auras within 120 feet can be seen in the reflection of this lustrous silver shawl. While worn it grants the wearer spell resistance equal to 10 + the wearers’ hit die. In addition, ray, ranged touch, melee touch, line and targeted spells that fail to penetrate this spell resistance have a 25% chance to rebound back at the original caster. If worn by a mythic character then he may spend one use of mythic power as an immediate action in response to being targeted by a spell in order to do one of the following:

Increase the spell resistance provided by the shawl by his mythic tier.

Increase the chance to rebound a spell that failed to penetrate his spell resistance to
100%.

All variable, numeric effects of a spell that overcomes his spell resistance are reduced by half; Saving throws and opposed rolls are not affected, nor are spells without random variables.

The wearer must declare which of these powers he is using before the roll to overcome his spell resistance is made. If the wearer is at least third mythic tier then he may apply any one metamagic feat he knows to a reflected spell, this costs a number of uses of mythic power equal to the metamagic feats’ level adjustment, this cannot raise a spell above ninth level.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Mythic Crafter, arcane sight, dispel magic, spell resistance, spell turning; Cost 65,000 gp

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka Jiggy

Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove
Aura moderate abjuration and divination; CL 9th
Slot wrists; Price 16,500 gp; Weight
Description
This humble copper band is better known for the faintly-glowing image of a snow-white dove that perches on the wearer's shoulder; it is this dove for which the bracelet of the peaceful dove is named.
So long as the wearer's intentions are genuinely peaceful, the dove sits and coos contentedly, granting a +5 competence bonus to Diplomacy checks. However, if the wearer's motives are instead violent or hostile, the bird becomes agitated, and its fluttering and fussing imposes a —5 penalty on Bluff checks made to conceal such intent so long as the bracelet is worn.
Furthermore, the dove protects the wearer's mind from hostile influence, granting a +2 morale bonus to saving throws against any enchantment that would push the wearer toward hostile action. This includes effects like murderous command or a suggestion to attack someone, but not effects like hold person, confusion or a non-violent suggestion.
Finally, the dove will dive toward nearby creatures affected by such enchantments in an attempt to restore peace. The dove immediately flies toward the nearest creature so affected within 30 feet (including the wearer) and attempts to end the effect, as break enchantment. If it fails, it will make another attempt each round, targeting whichever affected creature is closest to the wearer that round. If successful, its energy is spent and the bracelet of the peaceful dove becomes completely inert for 24 hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, break enchantment, detect thoughts; Cost 8,250 gp

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

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Provocateur’s Pamphlet
Aura faint enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 2,000 gp; Weight
Description
This delicate, folded vellum broadsheet bears a supernatural sense of gravitas, though it is blank and unadorned.  

Inscribing a provocateur’s pamphlet with a call for action, political treatise, or other such agenda-driven propaganda awakens the enchantment within the parchment.    

When inscribed in such a manner, any intelligent humanoid that reads and comprehends a provocateur’s pamphlet must make a Will save (DC 14), or be immediately compelled to act in reasonable accordance with the intent of its message.  Additionally, that reader will be compelled to immediately share the provocateur’s pamphlet with his nearest family member, friend, or acquaintance, and urge them to spread the word. Finally, any reader that fails the Will save will be compelled to treat the author of the provocateur’s pamphlet as a trusted friend and ally, unless this conflicts with the original intent of the author’s message.    

These effects persist until the reader feels as if the original intent of the message has been fulfilled, or the enchantment upon the provocateur’s pamphlet wears off, whichever occurs first.  

Once inscribed, a provocateur’s pamphlet remains enchanted for up to seven days, or until the end state set forth within its message is achieved.  At that point the enchantment wears off, and it becomes nothing more than mundane literature, albeit still bearing the author’s original message.  

As long as it remains enchanted, a provocateur’s pamphlet can affect any number of readers, though a reader can only be affected by a particular provocateur’s pamphlet once.  

Careful consideration must be given when inscribing a provocateur’s pamphlet, thus doing so takes at least one hour.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, charm person, suggestion; Cost 1,000 gp

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka Gio

Boots of Spellwalking
Aura moderate abjuration and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot feet; Price 21,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These garnet-colored boots are made of fine silk elegantly embroidered with ornate symbols, glyphs, and sigils of thin silver thread.
Three times per day, as a full-round action, the wearer of these boots can move both before and after casting a spell, but he must move at least 10 feet before casting the spell and the total distance that he moves cannot be greater than his speed. When using the boots in this manner, the wearer ignores the adverse effects of difficult terrain and the square he starts out is not considered threatened by any enemies (therefore he never provokes an attack of opportunity when moving out of that square).

A spellcaster who stomps the ground with these boots to fulfill any somatic components for casting a spell with a duration greater than instantaneous that affects an area, must make a concentration check (DC 15 + double the level of the spell) or lose the spell. Success means the point where the spell originates moves up to 30 feet per round as long as the caster actively directs it (a move action for the caster). A spell that moves in this manner winks out if it exceeds the spell’s range. Failure by 5 or more causes the spell to automatically move up to 30 feet per round towards the boots and renders them useless for 24 hours. The concentration DC increases by +5 for each time this ability has been successfully activated.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, freedom of movement, mage hand; Cost 10,500 gp

Scarab Sages Marathon Voter Season 7

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Pathfinder Card Game, Rulebook Subscriber

Submitting for posterity... :)

Abiding Light
Aura moderate abjuration and evocation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 4000 gp; Weight -
Description
This six inch white candle, once lit, illuminates as a light spell and burns continually for one hour. It is inextinguishable by any mean short of dispel magic, wish or miracle. The flame, though not the illumination, is always visible from up to 60 ft. away and cannot be concealed by darkness or fog-like effects, though solid obstacles, such as walls, block line of sight to the candle as normal. Any intelligent creature able to see the flame gains a +4 morale bonus to all Will saves. If the lit candle is grasped and a command word is uttered, the candle burns with a brilliant bright light, illuminating a 60 ft. area with daylight for 1 minute, and dispelling all darkness, fear, sleep and confusion effects within that radius. This effect consumes the candle entirely.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, daylight, dispel magic, owl's wisdom; Cost 2000 gp

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

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Battleforge Gauntlets
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot hands; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
The stiff, thick leather on these gauntlets is surprisingly hard to flex. Tarnished heat spots cover the well-used material and run up to the elbow. A soft layer of black virgin wool sits under the leather and cools the hands.

Battleforge gauntlets let the wearer draw any masterwork melee weapon with which they are proficient out of their surroundings as a standard action. A weapon created by using the gauntlets absorbs properties and looks like it was made from the target. Anything drawn from an element such as fire gains the corresponding weapon special ability. Instantaneous effects such as a burst or an explosion allow a weapon to be created—and gives the corresponding weapon special ability—on a successful Reflex save if the source of the effect allows that save. The wearer takes any damage on a successful Reflex save as specified by the source.

Once per day a weapon can be drawn out of a creature. The creature suffers the weapon’s base damage with no modifiers on a successful touch attack. Anything created from a creature is treated as having the bane weapon special ability against that creature’s type.

Battleforge gauntlets can create only one weapon at a time. Drawing another weapon causes the previous one to crumble or disappear. Weapons created by battleforge gauntlets crumble or disappear if separated from both gauntlets.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, absorbing touch, fabricate; Cost 25,000 gp

Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

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Hey, I'd love to get some feedback on my item if anyone has time!

Astral Thief’s Opera Gloves

Aura Moderate divination and evocation, minor necromancy; CL 11th
Slot Hands; Price 24,000 gp; Weight

Description

These elbow-length gloves were conceived by interplanar cat burglars to break into the most secure locations, or perhaps merely to escape from a dreadful opera. Through cunning magic each glove can be worn on either hand, but their powers only work when both are worn simultaneously.

The glove of thin air makes the wearer’s arm nearly invisible. When she looks through her gloved hand, she can see extradimensional spaces, such as of a bag of holding. These appear as opaque bubbles (‘shadows’) with volume equal to the space’s internal size and centered around their access portal. The wearer can make a steal combat maneuver to reach inside of an adjacent shadow and grab an object inside whose location she knows. This glove has the ghost touch property and deals piercing damage with unarmed attacks.

The glove of quicksilver ripples like liquid metal, and is sharp to the touch. If the wearer touches the glove to an extradimensional space’s shadow, she gains tremorsense across the space’s internal surfaces. She can attempt a sunder combat maneuver with the glove to slice a Small-sized hole in an adjacent shadow, which knits shut three rounds afterwards. This glove overcomes silver damage reduction and deals slashing damage with unarmed attacks.

Extradimensional spaces have a CMD of 10 + their creator’s caster level for the purposes of both gloves.

When worn as a pair, one glove is designated as primary, and the other as off-hand for unarmed attacks. The wearer can suppress the gloves’ effects for a round with a free action, during which time they assume an elegant silk form.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, contact other plant, forceful hand, spectral hand; Cost 12,000 gp

--

Cue jokes about contact other plant. *facepalm*

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Look on my works, ye mighties, and despair!

Spellmason's Mallet
Aura moderate transmutation and evocation; CL 9th
Slot belt; Price 25,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This stout copper mallet hangs from a short silver chain on a moleskin belt. Upon striking the mallet against any wall spell the wearer has cast, the wall warps and bends snugly around him, permitting him (and only him) safe passage through the wall. If the wall has any damaging effects (such as the heat from a wall of fire) he gains immunity to them.

A wall spell is defined as any spell whose name contains wall or barrier. Dropping the mallet while the wearer is within a wall randomly shunts the wearer to one side, causing no damage.

Once per day, by smacking the ground as a standard action, the wearer may create a wall of force.

Finally, once per day, when used as a focus component in any wall spell (including the mallet's wall of force), the wearer may shape the wall in segments (5 ft. high by 5 ft. wide by original thickness), each placeable at any angle. The first segment must be anchored to the ground, with each subsequent segment anchored on at least one side to a previously-placed segment. Segments may not be placed so they intersect with existing creatures or structures, except for other wall segments. The total area of the segments may not exceed the area normally permissible by the spell. Walls retain their inherent balance, even if the new shape would be structurally unstable if created through mundane means. Otherwise, the spell functions as normal.

A spellmason's mallet makes a poor improvised weapon; it functions as a +1 construct bane light hammer, but deals nonlethal damage to non-constructs.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, passwall, stone shape, wall of force; Cost 12,500 gp

Sczarni RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka CalebTGordan

Stanhope of Bloody Roots
Aura faint divination; CL 3rd
Slot Neck; Price 32,000 gp; Weight
Description
This silver oval pendant on a simple silver chain has only the etching of an oak tree on its face with a small glass lens on both sides. It can be opened and when the hair or blood of a humanoid is placed within it the image of the subject it belongs to may be seen through one of the lenses, with the other lens showing their family history laid out on a large oak tree. The history goes back four generations, shows any relationships that produced offspring with the subject, any spouses, and up to two generations forward. It shows a likeness of the relation, their name, and if they are alive or dead.
The subject has a constant status spell effect on them that the wearer of the locket is able to monitor. Additionally, if the wearer is a witch the subject is considered to have the scar hex placed upon them. If the subject already has the scar hex affecting them, they may be targeted by spells with a range of touch at a range of close instead. Lastly, three times per day the wearer may change the focus of the locket's powers to one of the living relations shown in the family history for one hour.
Only the blood or hair from one subject can be in the locket at a time, and if the material is removed that subject cannot be the target of the locket again for one week. It takes a standard action to remove or place material into the locket.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, detect relations, status, the scar hex; Cost 16,000 gp

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka Jiggy

Wicht wrote:

Submitting for posterity... :)

Abiding Light
Aura moderate abjuration and evocation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 4000 gp; Weight -
Description
This six inch white candle, once lit, illuminates as a light spell and burns continually for one hour. It is inextinguishable by any mean short of dispel magic, wish or miracle. The flame, though not the illumination, is always visible from up to 60 ft. away and cannot be concealed by darkness or fog-like effects, though solid obstacles, such as walls, block line of sight to the candle as normal. Any intelligent creature able to see the flame gains a +4 morale bonus to all Will saves. If the lit candle is grasped and a command word is uttered, the candle burns with a brilliant bright light, illuminating a 60 ft. area with daylight for 1 minute, and dispelling all darkness, fear, sleep and confusion effects within that radius. This effect consumes the candle entirely.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, daylight, dispel magic, owl's wisdom; Cost 2000 gp

I actually really liked the concept here. Writing's a tad sloppy, but the biggest issue is that you have a 4,000gp item that gives the whole party a constant, non-resistance-type +4 bonus to Will saves. Sure, it'll give the same bonus to some (but not all) enemies, but that's still massive.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7

Aha! Finally a year when I get in before page 7 of this thread. I think that my problem this year was that I was operating in design space that has been gone over far too many times. However well I did mechanically my entry was doomed to fall flat in the end. Also it was apparently not even the best Spellsnaring item >.<

Spellsnaring Gauntlets
Aura moderate evocation; CL 7th
Slot hands; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
These long, thick protective gloves are armored along the back with scales from all colors of dragons, chromatic and metallic alike. The wearer of the gloves may catch rays and ranged touch attacks from spells or spell like abilities with the [fire], [cold], [acid], [electricity] or [sonic] descriptors as the feat Snatch Arrows.

Once the gloves have caught a spell, the wearer may throw the captured energy as a ranged touch attack with a range of 60 feet which deals 1d6 damage per level of the spell caught of the type of energy corresponding to the descriptor of the spell.

Alternatively, the wearer may instead wield the energy as a mêlée touch attack which deals 1d6 damage of the type of energy corresponding to the descriptor of the caught spell +1 for every level of the spell caught. This attack gains a bonus to the attack roll equal to the level of the spell caught and if the attack is made in the round after the gloves catch a spell the attack also has a critical threat range of 19-20/x2. The energy persists for one round per level of the spell caught or until the wearer uses the stored energy to make an attack.

The gloves may be used to catch up to 10 levels of spells per day. A 0-level spell counts as one half of a spell level for this purpose.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, draconic reservoir; Cost 9,000 gp

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Bullet-Catching Duster
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 6th
Slot body; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 7 lbs.
Description
Crumpled bullets serve as studs in the thick, black leather of this overcoat. Attacks by firearms against the wearer of this coat are resolved against the wearer’s normal AC for all range increments except the first, regardless of mundane or magical enhancements to the firearm or bullets used. This effect does not function against attacks that occur within the firearm’s first range increment. If the wearer has the grit class feature, she begins each day with 1 additional grit point. This extra point does not increase her maximum grit total. When the wearer uses the gun tank’s resolve deed (from the gunslinger archetype in Ultimate Combat), her chance to negate critical hits and sneak attack damage is treated as five levels higher. If the wearer is a gunslinger, she gains the gun tank’s resolve deed if she does not already possess it. If the wearer is not a gunslinger, she may use the gun tank’s resolve deed once per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, ablative barrier (from Ultimate Combat), creator must have the Snatch Arrows feat; Cost 15,000 gp

Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Didn't make the top 100. It's a spell in a can I admit, but I was hoping I had made it interesting enough to get away with it. Alas.

Lake Maker Spigot
Aura Faint Conjuration and Evocation; CL 3rd
Slot None Price 3200 gp; Weight -
Description
This small wooden spigot appears like any other, except that it is specially designed to fit over top simple glass containers one would find potions in, and is designed to be easily held in one hand when attached.

On its own the spigot does nothing, but when attached to jar, vial, or other small container for holding water, it allows the holder to pour an unlimited supply of water at will. Turning the knob to open the spigot allows water to pour out at a rate of two gallons per minute and will continue until it is closed or no longer held.

The water produced by the spigot is always fresh, clean, and room temperature. However the Spigot cannot be used under water, in freezing temperature, or in any plane other than the material one. This includes Bags of Holding, demiplanes, and other extra dimensional areas or containers.

At will, the user of the spigot may release a concentrated blast of water at an enemy once per day. Using this ability is a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity. When using this ability, the holder of the spigot makes a ranged touch attack at their intended target. If successful it deals 1d6 bludgeoning damage and the target must succeed a DC 15 reflex save or be knocked prone. This blast of water is strong enough to knock down creatures up to medium size, though larger creatures still take damage. Using this ability causes the container the spigot is attached to shatter, and renders the spigot unable to produce water in any way until the following day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Create Water, Hydralic Push; Cost 1600 gp

Dark Archive RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka FaxCelestis

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Here's my item (apparently a top 100 item? The mind, it boggles):

Cloak of a Thousand Daggers
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 11th
Slot Shoulders; Price 12,500 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
A cloak of a thousand daggers appears as a sheet of thin metallic scales attached to a shoulder clasp. The cloak may be activated or deactivated as a move action. When activated, the scales untwine and reveal themselves to be daggers, hovering around the wearer's shoulders.

When activated, and a creature attacks the wearer in melee combat using a non-reach weapon, the cloak automatically makes a counterattack, using the wearer's Base Attack Bonus plus Charisma modifier as their attack bonus. Treat the daggers as if they were +1 weapons. This ability uses one of the wearer's attacks of opportunity for the round. The wearer may opt not to use this ability with a mental command.

Once per round, as a swift action, the wearer may fire one dagger from the cloak at a target within 30'. To do so, he makes a ranged attack roll as if he were throwing a dagger, substituting his Charisma modifier for his Dexterity modifier: should he hit, he inflicts damage as normal, substituting his Charisma modifier for his Strength modifier. The dagger dissipates after striking, and a new one takes its place within the cloak instantaneously.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, telekinesis; Cost 6250 gp

Reviews of items I saw during voting to follow.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Yay! It's up! I have included remarks from Anthony Adam as he gave me some feedback in som earlier PMs. (spoilered at the end).

Taxonomist’s Codex

Aura faint divination; CL 4th
Slot none; Price 10,600 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
The worn pages of this ancient manuscript are faded to the point of being unreadable. Only after a creature has been identified aloud do the pages reveal their secrets.

During the same round that the owner of the codex successfully identifies a creature, she may read from the book as a move action that provokes attacks of opportunity. Upon reading the book, the reader treats her knowledge check result as 5 higher when determining the amount of useful information obtained about a creature. The reader still gains no information on a failed knowledge check.

The reader may also use the book to gain insight on how to defeat identified creatures. Twice per day as a swift action, the reader and all her allies within 30 feet gain a +1 insight bonus to AC and on attack rolls against an identified creature and others of its specific kind (e.g., pixies, not all fey). This bonus also applies to saving throws against the known exceptional, spell-like, and supernatural abilities of that specific kind of creature. The bonus to saving throws only applies to the abilities identified and known using the knowledge skill, and not against abilities not identified or to abilities specific only to that creature not shared by others of its kind (e.g. spells from class levels). These bonuses last for 1 minute, or until the reader uses the book to identify another creature; whichever comes first. Allies must be able to hear the reader to benefit from this effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hunter’s lore; Cost 5,300 gp

AA's 1st Message:

Ok, this one is a tricky one.

Template wise, you have performed admirably indeed. I can't actually fault that. I think your biggest hurdles for this item are as follows...

No 1. It's basically a skill bonus, even though you phrased the wording as 5 higher, it just boils down to a base +5 to skill checks.

No 2. You most basic power is the first power - try to find the cool of the item and lead off with that.

Now that is not bad in one way, but it is your lead off power.

What if, you start with a blank book. On successfully killing a creature, the book sucks up the carcass, reordering it's pages as necessary and tells you everything it discovers about that creature, including if you found the weaknesses or not?

What if the book opens out to a miniaturized zoo that allows you to see the living animals in a tiny zoo like structure, or if it's a jungle animal, shows the creature doing its normal routine, hunting, etc in a miniature jungle like scene - now we aren't reading anymore, we are more cool and observing instead?

(I think with my two examples above, the second one is more likely to make me go wow)

What if, the extra powers were replaced with something more beneficial to the combat. E.g. you see a creature, presenting the book summons that creatures natural predator as a summoned creature under your control for a short time?

I think that's all you need to do, you have a good core item, you just need to concentrate more on going wild and looking for that special stand out thing you can do with it.

Write two or three powers maximum per item, coolest power first and go for more stretch in the visuals.

AA's 2nd Message:

Now, one argument I can see you making is that the powers of the item are based from the knowledge gained by reading the book. In this case, yes it would make sense to put that near the front. However, had you taken a visual approach, like the mini zoo/jungle, you would want to lead off with that and the bonus becomes the mechanical post-pend off the cool effect. I hope that makes sense.

I tried that this year with my item, don't know if I succeeded, but I definitely tried to lead with cool and follow with mechanics after the cool.


Here's the item I ended up submitting. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Cloak of the Shadow Twin
Aura moderate conjuration and illusion; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This long, black silk cloak seems to absorb any light that touches it. Color fades from the wearer; they appear mostly in shades of gray.

As a standard action, the cloak’s wearer can separate his shadow, which steps forth as an identical-looking duplicate made of shadowstuff. It is treated as a construct of the same size as the wearer, with a 10 in each ability score. As a swift action, he can give commands to the shadow copy, similar to an unseen servant, though capable of more direct action. It can move at the same speed as the wearer, and can make attacks using the wearer's base attack bonus. It possesses shadowy, non-magical duplicates of the wearer's equipment (with which it is considered proficient). It cannot speak, and possesses no feats, skills, or special abilities of the original except teamwork feats. Exposure to bright light is damaging to the shadow duplicate; it takes 1d6 damage per round when in an area of bright light. It starts with hit points equal to 20% of the wearer's normal maximum. If destroyed, it dissipates in a smoky blur, and the wearer's shadow does not return for 8 hours (after which it can be summoned again). Each use of this ability lasts for 1 minute, and expends one charge from the cloak.

As a standard action, the wearer can swirl the cloak around himself and switch places with his duplicate, as long as it is within sight and within 60 feet. Activating this ability costs one charge.

Each day, the cloak possesses five charges, which recharge each night at sunset.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration, shadow step; Cost 9,000 gp

Sovereign Court Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

Tabard of Sanguine Symbiosis
Aura faint necromancy and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot chest; Price 9,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
The elaborate crimson insignia on this tabard is actually a blood-drinking fungus bound to the fabric. When the tabard's bearer begins to bleed, the fungus spreads onto her skin, covering her wounds with fibrous tendrils while slowly sapping her vitality. At the start of the bearer's turn, if she took any damage the previous round, the tabard gains a charge (maximum 5). If she took no damage the previous round, it loses a charge as the fungus recedes and starves. The wearer gains DR/slashing equal to the number of charges and bleed damage equal to twice the number of charges. This bleed damage does not prevent the tabard from losing charges.
When the bearer takes fire damage or when her bleed damage is healed, the fungus retreats into the tabard, removing all charges.
Three times per day, with a successful melee touch attack, unarmed strike, or grapple check, the bearer may spread the fungus to another creature, dealing damage equal to twice the tabard's current charges (Fortitude DC 14 for half) as the fungus attempts to exsanguinate the target. The bearer gains temporary hit points equal to the damage dealt.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, plant growth, vampiric touch; Cost 4,500 gp

Star Voter Season 7

Bryan Bloomer wrote:

Provocateur’s Pamphlet

Aura faint enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 2,000 gp; Weight
Description
This delicate, folded vellum broadsheet bears a supernatural sense of gravitas, though it is blank and unadorned.  

Inscribing a provocateur’s pamphlet with a call for action, political treatise, or other such agenda-driven propaganda awakens the enchantment within the parchment.    

When inscribed in such a manner, any intelligent humanoid that reads and comprehends a provocateur’s pamphlet must make a Will save (DC 14), or be immediately compelled to act in reasonable accordance with the intent of its message.  Additionally, that reader will be compelled to immediately share the provocateur’s pamphlet with his nearest family member, friend, or acquaintance, and urge them to spread the word. Finally, any reader that fails the Will save will be compelled to treat the author of the provocateur’s pamphlet as a trusted friend and ally, unless this conflicts with the original intent of the author’s message.    

These effects persist until the reader feels as if the original intent of the message has been fulfilled, or the enchantment upon the provocateur’s pamphlet wears off, whichever occurs first.  

Once inscribed, a provocateur’s pamphlet remains enchanted for up to seven days, or until the end state set forth within its message is achieved.  At that point the enchantment wears off, and it becomes nothing more than mundane literature, albeit still bearing the author’s original message.  

As long as it remains enchanted, a provocateur’s pamphlet can affect any number of readers, though a reader can only be affected by a particular provocateur’s pamphlet once.  

Careful consideration must be given when inscribing a provocateur’s pamphlet, thus doing so takes at least one hour.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item,...

This was by far my favorite item that I voted on. I am astonished that it isn't top 32. It is something that I will use in games for years to come. By far the best item I read during this competition and it was an easy automatic win every time I saw it. I have no idea how it could be improved.

Shadow Lodge RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka WalterGM

Sanguine Gem
Aura strong necromancy; CL 17th
Slot none; Price 3,500 gp; Weight
Description
Favored by hemotheurges, this blood-red gem is cold to the touch, with foreboding eddies of crimson that languish beneath its polished surface.

As a free action, the user can clutch the gem in one hand while casting a spell. By doing so, he may choose to increase his effective caster level for the spell he is casting by a number no greater than his maximum HD. If two or more caster levels are increased, the spell is Intensified; if four or more are increased, the spell is Intensified and Empowered; if six or more are increased, the spell is Intensified, Empowered, and Maximized.

The user's own life force is siphoned into the sanguine gem, fueling its potency. After the spell is cast, the user is hit with a backlash of negative energy equivalent to the amount by which he increased his caster level. For each caster level increased, the user gains one negative level, as if struck by the energy drain spell (DC equal to that of the spell cast with the sanguine gem).

Most of the time, after a sanguine gem is used it fills with black vapor, turns chalky, and crumbles—becoming useless. However, if a user gains an amount of negative levels equal to his maximum HD by using a sanguine gem, the gem immediately kills the user, refills with swirls of crimson, and can be used once more.

A creature that is immune to energy drain or negative levels, or is protected by a spell or effect that prevents energy drain or negative levels, cannot use a sanguine gem.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Empowered Spell, Intensified Spell, Maximize Spell, energy drain; Cost 1,750 gp

In retrospect, I'd probably remove the "Favored by..." from the start. I didn't realize it was a trope when I submitted. Only after seeing how many others followed the same trend did I realize the mistake.

Liberty's Edge Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Sibilant Sistrum
Aura moderate illusion; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 29,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

Description

This ankh-shaped silvery sistrum, with writhing asp-headed crossbars, hisses, rather than clanking, when shaken.

The sibilant sistrum may be activated three times per day by succeeding at a DC 5 Perform (Percussion) skill check. When activated, the sistrum emanates a shadowy swarm of snakes in a 5’ cone. Creatures that begin their turn in the cone must make a DC 16 Will saving throw or take 1d3 points of Constitution damage. Those who successfully save take only 1 point of Constitution damage and gain a +2 bonus to further saving throws against the sistrum’s effects for the duration of the activation.

Each round after its initial activation, the user can maintain and expand the effect, as a standard action, by succeeding at successively harder Perform (Percussion) skill checks. The second round, the DC becomes 10 and the cone expands to a 10’ cone. The third round, the DC becomes 15 and the cone expands to a 15’ cone, and so on, to a maximum of 30’. If any Perform check fails, the effect immediately ends.

A character with bardic performance may spend a round of bardic performance as a free action before rolling the Perform check each round to maintain the previous round’s DC and cone size. Once the effect is maintained at the same size for three rounds, either through application of bardic performance, or at the 30’ maximum, the effect ends.

If the user moves with the sibilant sistrum activated, the effect moves with the character. As a move action, the user may change the direction of the cone, emanating from any corner of her square.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration; Cost 14,500 gp

***************
I'd appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Thrashling wrote:

Manservant Mannequin

Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 21,000 gp; Weight 12 lb.
DESCRIPTION

This fitting mannequin is an amalgamation of shaped wood, leather and metal gears. By manipulating the gears and leather straps almost any humanoid shape can be replicated precisely and equipped with any assortment of clothing, armor, and trinkets. When unequipped this mannequin can collapse down neatly for easy storage and transportation. Properly adjusting the mannequin to match an individuals measurements takes one person at least 5 minutes.
By speaking a command word within 250 feet of the mannequin, the speaker and the mannequin, but not the equipment either is wearing or holding, trade places simultaneously as if by dimension door. Once swapped the user is unable to act for the rest of the round. If the mannequin was not appropriately adjusted to the user or the equipment on the mannequin is improperly sized for the user he takes a -2 penalty to all rolls which require movement until adjustments are made.

By erecting the mannequin in a standing position and speaking another command word the mannequin acts as a guardian with an alarm radius of 20 feet for up to 12 hours per day, though they need not be contiguous. At the time of activation the user sets whether the alert will be audible or mental as alarm. Additionally, the user may have the mannequin automatically trade places with the user when the alert happens but doing so renders the user disoriented and unable to act for one additional round.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door, alarm; Cost 10,500 gp

Since I'm not competing in the competition this year, I will do my best to provide feedback on wondrous items in this thread. I'm going to try to go more or less in order, and reserve the right to make exceptions or just pass over items. Gotta make some time for the day job, after all.

With this item, I am reminded in part of that little button-nose droid in Star Wars I. The formatting is poor, not using any of the formatting or coding available to contestants for many years now. I think even a good wondrous item will struggle to get votes if that author doesn't try to fit the formatting.

Second, the item gets bogged down in mechanical exceptions. If activated as an alarm, the hours don't have to be contiguous, and maybe the alarm is mental or audibla, and maybe the mannequin just trades places with the boss instead of warns him. A good wondrous item has simple, cinematic mojo that a reader can understand easily. Otherwise, one of these guys that votes 500 times in the contest falls asleep reading your mechanics. The same item, with good formatting, simpler mechanics, and a little more descriptive pizzaz, might well be in the top 32.

Hope that helps.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Manservant Mannequin

First...formatting. It hits hard when it's not formatted as per the template they give you.

I'm not a fan of the name...alliteration here didn't hinder but it didn't help either.

The biggest issue is that this falls into a camping item and a DD. It is also a little too complicated in how it works and forcing folks to spend time adjusting it to size etc.

Overall, this didn't get a lot of upvotes from me because it was an alarm and a DD and it was complicated. It also just wasn't very evocatively written. Work on showing a little more "out there" design but still keep it useful and not hard to use.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

Bracer of Forceful Restraint
Aura moderate abjuration and evocation; CL 11th
Slot wrists; Price 25,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This massive metal bracer features the image of an armored knight holding a furious barbazu devil by a taut chain.

On command, the bracer launches a translucent green chain at a single creature within 30 feet. If the wearer makes a successful ranged touch attack, the chain envelops the target, shackling the creature to the wearer's wrist. The target is entangled and cannot move more than 30 feet from the wearer. The chain is a force effect and cannot be damaged, but can be dispelled or escaped with a DC 30 combat maneuver or Escape Artist check. The wearer can dismiss the chain as a free action.

Besides physically restraining the target, the wearer can also use his own life force to prevent magical escape. If a bound target attempts extradimensional travel, the wearer can choose to make a Fortitude save with a DC of 10 plus the target's HD. If the save is successful, the chain acts as a dimensional anchor. Regardless of the outcome, the bracer deals 2d6 force damage to the wearer after each restraint attempt.

Only one creature can be bound at a time. The bracer functions for 11 minutes each day. The duration doesn't need to be continuous, but must be used in 1-minute increments. A bracer of forceful restraint may be worn on either wrist, but takes up the wearer's entire wrist slot. An arm with an active bracer can't be used to wield a weapon or shield, or cast spells with somatic components.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimensional anchor, leashed shackles; Cost 12,500 gp

Grand Lodge Marathon Voter Season 7

Glove of Face Filching
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 8,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This silken glove bears an embroidered image of a wide, toothy grin on the palm. Up to three times per day, the wearer of the glove of face filching may attempt a dirty trick combat maneuver against a living target to steal its mouth, provided the wearer’s gloved hand is free. If the combat maneuver check is successful, the target’s mouth is stolen and stored in the glove’s extradimensional space. The target loses the ability to speak, make bite attacks, cast spells with verbal components, use command words, and ingest food, drink, or potions for 1 round. For every 5 by which the check exceeds the target’s CMD, this condition lasts for an additional round. If the target is unconscious or helpless, the duration increases to 1 minute, plus an additional minute for every 5 by which the check exceeds the target’s CMD. At the end of this duration, the mouth returns to the target. Destroying the glove ends the effect early.

As long as the target’s mouth remains stolen, the wearer of the glove of face filching may speak using the target’s voice, and takes a +20 bonus on Bluff skill checks to attempt to imitate the target’s voice. The wearer may throw her voice when imitating the target’s voice, as if using ventriloquism.

Creatures with no mouths are unaffected by the glove of face filching. Creatures with multiple mouths lose the use of only one mouth—the particular mouth is chosen by the wearer. The glove of face filching may only steal and store one mouth at a time. The glove of face filching uses up the wearer’s entire hands slot.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, lipstich, ventriloquism; Cost 4,000 gp

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

1 person marked this as a favorite.
cmjohnst wrote:

Hey, I'd love to get some feedback on my item if anyone has time!

Astral Thief’s Opera Gloves:

Astral Thief’s Opera Gloves

Aura Moderate divination and evocation, minor necromancy; CL 11th
Slot Hands; Price 24,000 gp; Weight

Description

These elbow-length gloves were conceived by interplanar cat burglars to break into the most secure locations, or perhaps merely to escape from a dreadful opera. Through cunning magic each glove can be worn on either hand, but their powers only work when both are worn simultaneously.

The glove of thin air makes the wearer’s arm nearly invisible. When she looks through her gloved hand, she can see extradimensional spaces, such as of a bag of holding. These appear as opaque bubbles (‘shadows’) with volume equal to the space’s internal size and centered around their access portal. The wearer can make a steal combat maneuver to reach inside of an adjacent shadow and grab an object inside whose location she knows. This glove has the ghost touch property and deals piercing damage with unarmed attacks.

The glove of quicksilver ripples like liquid metal, and is sharp to the touch. If the wearer touches the glove to an extradimensional space’s shadow, she gains tremorsense across the space’s internal surfaces. She can attempt a sunder combat maneuver with the glove to slice a Small-sized hole in an adjacent shadow, which knits shut three rounds afterwards. This glove overcomes silver damage reduction and deals slashing damage with unarmed attacks.

Extradimensional spaces have a CMD of 10 + their creator’s caster level for the purposes of both gloves.

When worn as a pair, one glove is designated as primary, and the other as off-hand for unarmed attacks. The wearer can suppress the gloves’ effects for a round with a free action, during which time they assume an elegant silk form.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, contact other plant, forceful hand, spectral hand;...

I remember these things, they where pretty nifty I up-voted them almost every time I saw them (and I saw them about 12 times). My only complaints are that this isn't one item it's two that only work in tandem and that's kinda weird. The other is that this seems to exist almost exclusively to troll players.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Mr. Whatever wrote:


Lake Maker Spigot

I'll go back to being in order, but this caught my eye scrolling up. THe reason I never voted for this item in a dozen chances, is the item essentially has existed in Pathfinder/DnD since the 0s. THis item is essentially a visual treatment for the decantur of endless water. Now, maybe you feel the visual effect makes it different enough, but in the Superstar competition you have to be unique. Maybe even a little weird. You won't get anyone salivating over "makes a lot of water", particularly when it so closely resembles a staple of the game and all its grandparents.

If you're a new player and you aren't familiar with the item, get ready to take a run at next year's competition by familiarizing yourself with the game's wondrous items.

Dark Archive RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka FaxCelestis

Bryan Bloomer wrote:
Provocateur’s Pamphlet

I liked this item, but not enough to make me vote for it every time. It seemed like something some of my characters would use, but not necessarily one that was useful in the majority of games played.

I also didn't like how it seemed more like an item that an NPC would use on a PC.

Giorgios Abate wrote:
Boots of Spellwalking

This was a mechanically sound item that didn't get my vote every time because it was basically just a feat (Shot on the Run for spells).

theheadkase wrote:
Battleforge Gauntlets

I loved this item, but it failed for me because by the time it could be afforded, the weapons would be far under-par: having the weapons gain an enhancement bonus or enchantments based upon what it was drawn from would have made this a home run in my book, but understandably was probably omitted because it would have gone over word count.

Thunderbuckets wrote:
Spellmason's Mallet

I liked this item, but I hated how it only worked for casters.

Samuel Stone wrote:
Glove of Face Filching

This item fell short for me when it only allowed you to steal their voice, not other things associated with their mouth (such as a bite attack). Otherwise, though, I loved it, and the visual that went with it.

Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Ah. I hadn't seen it before. Oh well can't say I'm too surprised it already existed for the most part.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Darkjoy

Bloody Sheath of the Bravo
Aura faint necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 5,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This leather-bound, poplar sheath is stained with dark blotches of dried blood. Favored by daring swordsmen of dubious character, it readily accepts any bladed weapon, from dagger to greatsword. When a blade is drawn from the sheath, a bravo can choose to either, with a flick of the wrist, launch a glob of blood at an opponent‘s eyes or with a flourish, bring a blood-soaked blade to bear.

Launching a glob of blood at an opponent’s eyes requires a ranged attack. If the attack succeeds the target is blinded for 1d3 rounds, the maximum distance that the glob can be flung is 15 ft. Presenting a blood-soaked blade allows the bravo to make an Intimidate check to demoralize all foes within 30 feet who can see the weapon. Either action counts as the bravo’s swift action for the current round.

When a bravo sheaths his blade, he can bestow a bleed like effect upon a suitable living target within 30 ft. Succeeding on a DC 10 Will save negates the effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bleed, blindness/deafness, scare; Cost 2,750 gp

I think I fell into the "blood item" trap, which was quite prominent this year.

Marathon Voter Season 7

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Grips of the Drowning Dark
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot hands; Price 17,000 gp; Weight
Description
These gloves appear to be made from thick crocodilian skin and are studded along the knuckles with jagged shards of driftwood.

When grappling a foe of her size or smaller, the wearer of these gloves can viciously wrench and twist her victim when she chooses to inflict damage as a result of a successful check to maintain her grapple. This violent pulling and shaking by the wearer knocks the target of her maneuver prone while inflicting damage as normal. The wearer also maintains her grapple.

In addition, once per day, directly following a failed attempt to grapple a foe, the wearer of these gloves may beseech aid from the dangers that lurk beneath still waters as a free action, for them to finish what she could not.

The target of the failed grapple maneuver must immediately make a DC 17 Fortitude saving throw. If the save fails, the victim is affected as with the suffocation spell as they are overcome by the feeling of being dragged underneath deep and dark water.

Upon a successful Fortitude saving throw by the victim, both the foe and the wearer of the grips of the drowning dark gain the Staggered condition for one round as they gasp for air, temporarily overcome with the physical feeling of something immense and predatory having swam past them in the middle of deep waters, regardless of their current footing or surroundings.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, suffocation; Cost 8,500 gp

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka DeathQuaker

Here's mine. This may not be the final, final form as I may have done some last few edits in the submission field.

---------------
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 12th
Slot body; Price 24,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A sturdy wool greatcoat with capacious pockets, the coat of the eternal vagabond protects its wearer as the endure elements spell. This abjuration is included as a precaution in light of the coat’s other property: once per day, by tugging upon the coat’s lapels, the wearer and all her gear teleports to a random location within 200 miles.

To determine where the wearer arrives, the GM rolls a d100 twice, adding the results together. This indicates how many miles the wearer has traveled. The GM then rolls 1d8 to determine the cardinal direction (1 is north, 2 northeast, 3 east, and so on).

The wearer always arrives outdoors on a patch of unoccupied, solid ground nearest to the rolled result. The coat never takes any one wearer to exactly the same place; the wearer can find herself no less than one mile from where she has already traveled via the coat. If any of these restrictions prevent the wearer’s arrival, the GM rerolls the location.

Up to four creatures of Medium size can join the wearer by grasping the coat before she activates it (Large creatures count as two Medium creatures and two Small creatures count as one Medium. Huge or bigger creatures cannot be transported). Unwilling or unwary creatures touching the coat when it is activated remain where they are. No one can activate the coat except the wearer.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements, teleport; Cost 12,000 gp
-------------------------------------

Self-critique and musings:

Spoiler:
It's just not very interesting--largely a spell in a can not-so-cleverly disguised with a random effect. I don't think I did too badly in terms of mechanics, cost, and balance--although I'm sure y'all will point out otherwise--but that's not what's the most important in the end. I really liked it when I wrote it, but then realized that it really lacked... "it"--but while I had other ideas working that were more interesting in terms of theme, I was having trouble attaching said interesting theme to something mechanically viable, and decided to choose the thing that I thought overall had cleaner, clearer mechanics. This seems to be the challenge I face -- I can write something useful and balanced, or I can write something vivid and thematic (but doesn't really DO anything someone would actually want in a magic item). And I'm honestly not sure I'll ever manage both. I know this sounds defeatist and I'm not trying to be, it's just more a matter of identifying what my strengths and weaknesses are and what I can improve--and/or accept what I perhaps can't.

This didn't make it into the top 100 this year, for reasons I definitely understand. Still, what's interesting is the item I designed last year did, and I thought it was a much weaker item (overcomplicated for its intent, more poorly written, sort of a "makes adventuring easier" item, etc.). But between the two, I think I am getting a better idea for the nature of the items that are sought after.


Thrashling wrote:
Bryan Bloomer wrote:

Provocateur’s Pamphlet

Aura faint enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 2,000 gp; Weight
Description
This delicate, folded vellum broadsheet bears a supernatural sense of gravitas, though it is blank and unadorned.  

Inscribing a provocateur’s pamphlet with a call for action, political treatise, or other such agenda-driven propaganda awakens the enchantment within the parchment.    

When inscribed in such a manner, any intelligent humanoid that reads and comprehends a provocateur’s pamphlet must make a Will save (DC 14), or be immediately compelled to act in reasonable accordance with the intent of its message.  Additionally, that reader will be compelled to immediately share the provocateur’s pamphlet with his nearest family member, friend, or acquaintance, and urge them to spread the word. Finally, any reader that fails the Will save will be compelled to treat the author of the provocateur’s pamphlet as a trusted friend and ally, unless this conflicts with the original intent of the author’s message.    

These effects persist until the reader feels as if the original intent of the message has been fulfilled, or the enchantment upon the provocateur’s pamphlet wears off, whichever occurs first.  

Once inscribed, a provocateur’s pamphlet remains enchanted for up to seven days, or until the end state set forth within its message is achieved.  At that point the enchantment wears off, and it becomes nothing more than mundane literature, albeit still bearing the author’s original message.  

As long as it remains enchanted, a provocateur’s pamphlet can affect any number of readers, though a reader can only be affected by a particular provocateur’s pamphlet once.  

Careful consideration must be given when inscribing a provocateur’s pamphlet, thus doing so takes at least one hour.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous

...

I also really enjoyed this item, but I feel that it requires too much GM fiat to decide what "immediately compelled to act in reasonable accordance with the intent of its message" is. It also includes a (potentially long-distance and seven-day-long) charm person effect which isn't really taken into account in the price in my opinion. I loved the idea, though. Great job, Bryan!

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka Jiggy

James Raine wrote:

Here's my item (apparently a top 100 item? The mind, it boggles):

Cloak of a Thousand Daggers
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 11th
Slot Shoulders; Price 12,500 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
A cloak of a thousand daggers appears as a sheet of thin metallic scales attached to a shoulder clasp. The cloak may be activated or deactivated as a move action. When activated, the scales untwine and reveal themselves to be daggers, hovering around the wearer's shoulders.

When activated, and a creature attacks the wearer in melee combat using a non-reach weapon, the cloak automatically makes a counterattack, using the wearer's Base Attack Bonus plus Charisma modifier as their attack bonus. Treat the daggers as if they were +1 weapons. This ability uses one of the wearer's attacks of opportunity for the round. The wearer may opt not to use this ability with a mental command.

Once per round, as a swift action, the wearer may fire one dagger from the cloak at a target within 30'. To do so, he makes a ranged attack roll as if he were throwing a dagger, substituting his Charisma modifier for his Dexterity modifier: should he hit, he inflicts damage as normal, substituting his Charisma modifier for his Strength modifier. The dagger dissipates after striking, and a new one takes its place within the cloak instantaneously.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, telekinesis; Cost 6250 gp

Reviews of items I saw during voting to follow.

This was actually one of my favorite cloaks. :) If I had to pick a primary "issue" with it, it'd be the "attack as a swift action 1/rd". Avoid letting people attack for less than a standard action, at least without restrictions (like X/day or something).

Overall, though, I really liked this item!

Liberty's Edge Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Companion Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
cmjohnst wrote:

Hey, I'd love to get some feedback on my item if anyone has time!

Astral Thief’s Opera Gloves

I thought this concept was awesome. especially the glove of thin air. I had a bit of trouble understanding what the glove of quicksilver was supposed to do, notably, I'm not sure what an extra dimensional space's shadow is, or what effect cutting a hole in one, or an adjacent one, would do.

In my mind, you had the perfect superstar item (innovative, fresh, played with design space unlike any other I've seen) with the first glove, and lost me completely with the second. So much so I didn't even notice the plant

Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Shears of the Hairless Hag
Aura moderate necromancy and transmutation; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description

These 8 inch, cold iron shears are made of a single piece of curved metal; two sharp blades joined by a taut half-ring that allows the blades to spring open after being squeezed together. Etchings in the blades depict the face of a hideous hag.

Once per day, as a standard action, the bearer can use the shears to cut a lock of her hair and have it regrow on a living creature within 100 feet not already under this effect (DC 16 Will save negates).

When cutting her hair, the bearer may take 1d3 points of Charisma damage to use the shears an additional time per day (up to a total of five uses per day).

By concentrating (up to 11 rounds), as long as the target remains within 100 feet and line of sight, the hair can be manipulated as dexterously as a human hand allowing it to manipulate items on the target or to attack the target (only) as strangling hair, but using the bearer's character level and Intelligence modifier (regardless of class). Additionally, when the hair succeeds on a grapple check, it can blind, deafen or strangle the target for 1 round; a strangled target cannot speak or cast spells with verbal components.

If the bearer has some of the target's hair, the target takes a -2 penalty on its Will save to resist the shears. If the hair was cut with the shears, the penalty is doubled.

Finally, a witch has a supernatural link to creatures whose hair she possesses and collected with the shears, gaining the benefits of the scar hex.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bestow curse, strangling hair; Cost 10,000 gp

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Shawl, Spell-Mirror

Name - It isn't bad that you did the type comma name...but it could be disoncerting to some. I'd stick with Spell-Mirror Shawl for the purposes of the competition. Fortunately or unfortunately we have to appeal to the voters first and the judges second now.

Formatting and template looks good.

I think you would have been better served to bullet the various powers.

It's an interesting choice but reflecting spells is an INSANELY powerful thing as well as SR plus free aura seeing out to 120 ft.

Mythic is cool and fresh...but I would focus on 1 power that can be done with Mythic points. The point isn't to bog down players with too many choices and make Mythic Power a super commodity.

Well done on the choices but again I'd rather see more focused design by 1 well executed power.

Overall, you've got creativity and ideas...just focus and refine and take this as a lesson that voters are fickle indeed!

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Darkjoy

Jacob Kellogg wrote:
Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove

This struck me as an extra burden to the GM and only applicable in very specific RP situations which it then derails, hence the make it hard for the GM bit.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Lamontius wrote:

Grips of the Drowning Dark

Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot hands; Price 17,000 gp; Weight
Description
These gloves appear to be made from thick crocodilian skin and are studded along the knuckles with jagged shards of driftwood.

When grappling a foe of her size or smaller, the wearer of these gloves can viciously wrench and twist her victim when she chooses to inflict damage as a result of a successful check to maintain her grapple. This violent pulling and shaking by the wearer knocks the target of her maneuver prone while inflicting damage as normal. The wearer also maintains her grapple.

In addition, once per day, directly following a failed attempt to grapple a foe, the wearer of these gloves may beseech aid from the dangers that lurk beneath still waters as a free action, for them to finish what she could not.

The target of the failed grapple maneuver must immediately make a DC 17 Fortitude saving throw. If the save fails, the victim is affected as with the suffocation spell as they are overcome by the feeling of being dragged underneath deep and dark water.

Upon a successful Fortitude saving throw by the victim, both the foe and the wearer of the grips of the drowning dark gain the Staggered condition for one round as they gasp for air, temporarily overcome with the physical feeling of something immense and predatory having swam past them in the middle of deep waters, regardless of their current footing or surroundings.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, suffocation; Cost 8,500 gp

This item was awesome.

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka Jiggy

Lamontius wrote:

Grips of the Drowning Dark

Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot hands; Price 17,000 gp; Weight
Description
These gloves appear to be made from thick crocodilian skin and are studded along the knuckles with jagged shards of driftwood.

When grappling a foe of her size or smaller, the wearer of these gloves can viciously wrench and twist her victim when she chooses to inflict damage as a result of a successful check to maintain her grapple. This violent pulling and shaking by the wearer knocks the target of her maneuver prone while inflicting damage as normal. The wearer also maintains her grapple.

In addition, once per day, directly following a failed attempt to grapple a foe, the wearer of these gloves may beseech aid from the dangers that lurk beneath still waters as a free action, for them to finish what she could not.

The target of the failed grapple maneuver must immediately make a DC 17 Fortitude saving throw. If the save fails, the victim is affected as with the suffocation spell as they are overcome by the feeling of being dragged underneath deep and dark water.

Upon a successful Fortitude saving throw by the victim, both the foe and the wearer of the grips of the drowning dark gain the Staggered condition for one round as they gasp for air, temporarily overcome with the physical feeling of something immense and predatory having swam past them in the middle of deep waters, regardless of their current footing or surroundings.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, suffocation; Cost 8,500 gp

I liked this. Some of the wording/description is a little clunky, and the connection between the death roll and the suffocation is a tad strained, but overall it's a fun item. :)

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

Dust of Fantastical Terrain
Aura moderate transformation; CL 11th
Slot none Price 6,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Scattering a full flask of this ashy dust creates gigantic growth of the surrounding landscape as it warps to the imagination of the flask bearer. Pebbles rumble into boulders, mushrooms and flowers bloom to the height of full grown men, and saplings burst into mighty trees, all of them twisting and stretching into fantastical shapes.

As a full round action, scattering the dust creates the gigantic growth effect in a circle with a 30 foot radius, a half circle with a 45 foot radius, or a quarter circle with a 60 foot radius. The growth occurs like a wave from the point of the scattered dust, a smooth flowing change that does not harm any creatures in the terrain. Each object in the terrain may be enlarged and sculpted, fine detail is not possible. Passageways may be included between dense objects. The changes to terrain are permanent.

The amount of growth per object cannot exceed two size categories. As an example, a tiny object like a mushroom can become medium in size like a human, but not large in size like an ogre. No object can be enlarged to gargantuan or colossal size. The dust cannot create gem quality stones or precious ore, nor can it create types of minerals or plants that did not already exist in the terrain.

The dust does not enlarge creatures of any type. Creatures made of plant, earth or stone must make a DC 21 Fortitude save or be sickened for one round by the warping sensation.
Construction
Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, move earth, plant growth, stone shape, wood shape; Cost 3,000 gp

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka Jiggy

Maurice de Mare wrote:
Jacob Kellogg wrote:
Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove
This struck me as an extra burden to the GM and only applicable in very specific RP situations which it then derails, hence the make it hard for the GM bit.

I don't understand what you mean. How does it make it hard for the GM?

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Darkjoy

1 person marked this as a favorite.
DeathQuaker wrote:


COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND

I liked it for the murderhobo vibe it displayed, it does make it somewhat harder for the GM as it can derail adventures...

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka DeathQuaker

cmjohnst wrote:

Hey, I'd love to get some feedback on my item if anyone has time!

Astral Thief’s Opera Gloves

(snip>

I think this was an awesome idea, but I think it does too much, and I agree with another poster that if you had probably just focused on and refined the first glove (as its own pair of gloves) it would have been amazing. (Though I'd remove the weapon property and focused on the other abilities.)

Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Would love to hear some feedback. I already know some things that I would change, but want more! Thanks.

Baldric of Revealing Mists
Aura faint divination and conjuration; CL 4th
Slot chest; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This shoulder worn sash is made of fine mithral links, each shaped like swirling wisps of mist. Three times per day a character wearing the baldric can command a silver and white mist to appear in a 20 foot radius sphere centered on him. Wisps of mist become concentrated on any creature with partial or total concealment from any source, revealing their location precisely. The mist is bound to the wearer and moves with him, not with the prevailing wind or any wind effect. The mist lasts for 4 minutes with each use.

By pointing to any 5 foot space he can see, the wearer moves all of the wisps out of the radius sphere and places them on the spot indicated. If a concealed creature is occupying that space, the mist renders the creature fully visible by forming a cloud around the target that appears exactly as the concealed creature. The creature is considered no longer concealed for the duration of the effect or until it moves into a position that blocks the wearer’s vision.

Once per day while the mists are active, the wearer can intensify the mist so it fills the area about him with an opaque silver fog. Anyone within 20 feet of the wearer is considered to have total concealment. The wearer still sees the mists as somewhat transparent and can see all within the fog as if they had no concealment. Those concealed by magic or other means can be seen by the voids they leave in the mist.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, obscuring mist, see invisibility; Cost 4,000 gp

Star Voter Season 7

Steven Helt wrote:
Thrashling wrote:

Manservant Mannequin

Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 21,000 gp; Weight 12 lb.
DESCRIPTION

This fitting mannequin is an amalgamation of shaped wood, leather and metal gears. By manipulating the gears and leather straps almost any humanoid shape can be replicated precisely and equipped with any assortment of clothing, armor, and trinkets. When unequipped this mannequin can collapse down neatly for easy storage and transportation. Properly adjusting the mannequin to match an individuals measurements takes one person at least 5 minutes.
By speaking a command word within 250 feet of the mannequin, the speaker and the mannequin, but not the equipment either is wearing or holding, trade places simultaneously as if by dimension door. Once swapped the user is unable to act for the rest of the round. If the mannequin was not appropriately adjusted to the user or the equipment on the mannequin is improperly sized for the user he takes a -2 penalty to all rolls which require movement until adjustments are made.

By erecting the mannequin in a standing position and speaking another command word the mannequin acts as a guardian with an alarm radius of 20 feet for up to 12 hours per day, though they need not be contiguous. At the time of activation the user sets whether the alert will be audible or mental as alarm. Additionally, the user may have the mannequin automatically trade places with the user when the alert happens but doing so renders the user disoriented and unable to act for one additional round.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door, alarm; Cost 10,500 gp

Since I'm not competing in the competition this year, I will do my best to provide feedback on wondrous items in this thread. I'm going to try to go more or less in order, and reserve the right to make exceptions or just pass over items. Gotta make some time for the day job, after all.

With this item, I am reminded in part of that little button-nose droid in Star Wars I....

Real quickly, I submitted with proper bolding and italics. I copied it over from my source document that didn't have the bb code tags, which I have edited back in. I can assure you that the item submitted had all the bb code correct.

Aside from that, are there other formatting errors?

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka ubiquitous

James Raine wrote:
Cloak of a Thousand Daggers

I quite liked this item. It has some great imagery and it's pretty strong. Too strong, I think. 12.5k for an additional attack every round? Yes please. Boots of Speed (haste) are 12k and only last 10 rounds per day. This is a full BAB attack with range, and it solely relies on Charisma, and it's a Swift action, so you can full attack and use this, so it stacks with Haste.

It needs to either cost more, or be nerfed a little. Possibly some text saying whether or not the cloak provokes an AoO as it's a ranged attack.

Still, probably one of my favourite items that I saw.

Jacob Kellogg wrote:
Lamontius wrote:
Grips of the Drowning Dark
I liked this. Some of the wording/description is a little clunky, and the connection between the death roll and the suffocation is a tad strained, but overall it's a fun item. :)

I agree. Little clunky with the description and the death roll, but the drowning grapple effect is plain cool.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove

Is it just me or did I see a few dove related items this year? I dunno why...

Name is fine but doesn't GRAB me.

Your first sentence seems like it gets a little wonky...

I think a lot of folks don't like items that force a GM to decide what a player's true intentions are.

It also could get a bit weird in game to have a dove always cooing or always fluttering about.

Ahhh now this is the bread and butter power and seems like you buried the lead on putting it so far down.

Overall, this was a neat little item that I think suffered from voters having a knee jerk reaction to judging the wearers true intentions. I honestly can't give you any advice you wouldn't already know...except we both need to figure out the audience better!

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

Robot_nachos wrote:
Shawl, Spell-Mirror

One of the judge's responses to the stormcrusher gauntlets was "Mythic. Ugh." I might not agree with that assessment, but it shows you a potential problem with getting an entry in. Taditionally, this contest rewards people for supporting new books or filling available design space, so I see why you took the gamble. I got no problem with mythic rules or items myself.

Now, the execution of the item brings up other issues. The shawl maybe does too much, with the number of options it gives the wearer, and also those options not being bulleted or otherwise listed byeond being separate paragraphs. Does the shawl give me two optins, and then always reduce the variable numbers by half? More clarity helps the voter understand the item.

I am personally not a fan of abilities that reflect spells back onto the caster. Rays, maybe. Telepathic effects, maybe. Most other effects being deflected makes me think the game has become kind of cartoonish.

Some of these issues point out that good magic item design is sometimes a subjective animal. Be aware of that next year and keep taking risks. It will pay off.

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