2014 Critique my Wondrous Item thread

[Aeris Fallstar]

Kind of sad I didn't crack the Top 100. Oh well. Here goes...

Chillforge Stein
Aura moderate Abjuration; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 6,500 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description

A Chillforge Stein is a large electrum drinking vessel that typically depicts epic deeds or a family coat of arms around its circumference. All beverages poured into the stein are automatically chilled and the magic that causes this effect is meant to obscure the stein's actual function. The base of the stein is cast in counter relief and is used as the matrix of a wax seal reserved for the most sensitive of messages; anyone who sips from the stein feels a probing, icy touch upon their heart. Drinking from the stein conveys immunity from its true application.

Once the stein has been used to press a wax seal on any document or surface, the wax is imbued with the explosive runes spell. The seal will explode if broken by someone who has not sipped from the stein.

Immunity can be revoked by a successful dispel magic spell targeted on the individual.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements,explosive runes, 4 lbs. of electrum Cost 3,250 gp

[Kyr]

I would greatly appreciate comments/critiques from anyone who would like to take the time to offer feedback.

Thank you.

Oh and if anyone would like to use this item in their game - please do.

Stormtide Jar
Aura Strong Evocation; CL 15th
Slot --; Price 6,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description
Crafted from painted clay vessels of the type used to carry potions stormtide jars are coveted by many aquatic races. When hurled to the ground and broken a powerful wave explodes and sweeps forward. The wave created by a jar can be up to 100 feet wide and 20 feet tall (depending on the space it is created in). This magical wave lasts for one round and moves at a speed of 90. The power of the wave is such that it inflicts 6d6 of force damage to any creature caught in its path (3d6 for structures)creatures in the area of effect are entitled to a fortitude save DC 25 for half damage. In addition, creatures or objects that are huge or smaller caught in the wave's path are thrown backward half the remaining distance of the wave (i.e. a creature caught 20 feet from the wave’s start point would be moved 35 feet) and take additional damage of 1d6 per 10 feet of movement. Further any creature moved by the wave is knocked prone and must make a fortitude save (DC 20) or be dazed for 1d4 rounds. A stormtide jar is destroyed when used.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, create water, telekinesis; Cost 3,000 gp

[AbyssLord]

I don't think I survived past the cull. I must have done something seriously wrong. I don't know if it's flavor, that it is probably best for only one class, that I neutered down a powerful item by limited uses, pricing, partaking of some other taboo, that I over-engineered the name (Coeurl being a creature in the back of the Legacy of Fire AP, domino meaning the mask and not the game piece), etc.

Coeurl Domino
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot head; Price 8,200 gp; Weight ---
Description
This thin, silky mask melds into the flesh painting the areas surrounding the wearer's eyes as well as the entirety of the wearer's ears with shadowy black skin. The domino may be activated as a free action for three rounds per day which need not be consecutive rounds. When activated, wavering tendrils sprout from the wearer's ears, and the wearer becomes acutely aware of and capable of manipulating vibrations. The mask grants the ability to perform a ranged Disable Device check up to 15 feet against mechanical devices. The wearer automatically knows whether or not this check has succeeded. The wearer also gains Blindsight out to a range of 60 feet. Additionally, all attacks by the wearer against Constructs causes an additional 2d6 points of damage. While the domino is activated, the wearer is vulnerable to sonic damage. Deafening the wearer thwarts all capabilities of the mask. Once donned, the mask may only be removed by the wearer or by others upon the wearer's death.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, see invisibility, shatter, summon monster I; Cost 4,100 gp

[Monica Marlowe]

Feros wrote:

Would love to hear some feedback. I already know some things that I would change, but want more! Thanks.

Baldric of Revealing Mists
Aura faint divination and conjuration; CL 4th
Slot chest; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This shoulder worn sash is made of fine mithral links, each shaped like swirling wisps of mist. Three times per day a character wearing the baldric can command a silver and white mist to appear in a 20 foot radius sphere centered on him. Wisps of mist become concentrated on any creature with partial or total concealment from any source, revealing their location precisely. The mist is bound to the wearer and moves with him, not with the prevailing wind or any wind effect. The mist lasts for 4 minutes with each use.

By pointing to any 5 foot space he can see, the wearer moves all of the wisps out of the radius sphere and places them on the spot indicated. If a concealed creature is occupying that space, the mist renders the creature fully visible by forming a cloud around the target that appears exactly as the concealed creature. The creature is considered no longer concealed for the duration of the effect or until it moves into a position that blocks the wearer’s vision.

Once per day while the mists are active, the wearer can intensify the mist so it fills the area about him with an opaque silver fog. Anyone within 20 feet of the wearer is considered to have total concealment. The wearer still sees the mists as somewhat transparent and can see all within the fog as if they had no concealment. Those concealed by magic or other means can be seen by the voids they leave in the mist.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, obscuring mist, see invisibility; Cost 4,000 gp

I never saw this during voting and I'm not sure I would have found the need to consistently vote for it. It is one of the better items though from what I recall seeing. Your item is pretty nifty, but you didn't tell it with the energy that I think it could have had. A very rough count tells me you were really close to 300 yet it lacks dynamic language. It is possible to shave quite a few words out and make it visually punch your reader in the brain. Your item does something visual but I just don't *see* it. I do appreciate that your entry is technical, however this is RPG SuperStar and Paizo pays people to help you learn the technical, you need to show them you got the goods in the creative department. I think you do and I hope next year you'll consider showing off your item rather than your technical skill (actually, you should do both, but I think you know that :-) ). And as an aside, I'm not sure how you would make mithral links into wisps of mists, but it's a cool image.

[illumina3]

Cloak of Adamantine Chains
Aura strong transmutation and evocation; CL 11th
Slot shoulders; Price 111,000 gp; Weight 20 lbs.
Description
This cloak is made with several woven lengths of adamantine chain. It grants the wearer damage reduction 5/adamantine when worn, but whenever the wearer takes the full defense action, they wrap the cloak around themselves increasing the bonus damage reduction to 10/adamantine for one round.
On command once per day, the wearer can cause the chains of the cloak to unravel and lash out towards an opponent, striking for 11d6 points of bludgeoning damage. The chain may then arc to additional nearby targets, dealing the same amount of damage. The chain can arc to a total of 11 targets, but the maximum range of the chain cannot exceed 100 feet in a straight line starting from the wearer to the primary target, to the next, and so on. Each target struck can attempt a DC 19 Reflex save for half damage, and the damage type is considered Adamantine for the purposes of overcoming damage reduction.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, chain lightning, stoneskin; Cost 55,500 gp

Hey guys! This is my first year competing in the competition, I would absolutely love any advice on what areas need work for my submissions!

[nikou]

Hi all, I'm relatively new to the RPG circuit (started playing Pathfinder in April, no prior experience), and this is my first time entering any kind of real writing contest (i.e. one where I care about the prize). Anyway, I didn't even make the top 100, but I did make the cull. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Clarion Cymbals
Aura mild evocation CL 3rd
Slot wrists Price 3,500 gp Weight –
Description
These golden dancer’s bracelets are adorned with small cymbals that rest on the inner wrist; when tapped together they produce a clear chime that can be heard from a great distance. Under normal circumstances they perform as a masterwork percussion instrument, providing a +2 bonus on perform (percussion) checks.

When struck together during the surprise round of combat, they unleash a sonic burst that startles enemies, stunning all unaware creatures within a 30-foot radius of the wearer for 1d4 rounds. A successful Fortitude save (DC 16) reduces this to 1 round. Creatures that are deaf are unaffected. This item does not function if it is within the area of effect of a spell of silence. If the wearer makes a perform (percussion) check to activate the item, a successful DC 20 perform check will add half the user’s charisma bonus (including temporary modifiers) to the save DC. If a natural 20 is rolled on the dice, half the user’s charisma bonus is added to the duration of the stun regardless of whether affected creatures save or not.

The effect of the next stun can be increased by placing it in a box with a stunstone overnight, which drains all of the magic out of the stunstone. On the first surprise round following this charging, the duration of the stun effect doubles.
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Craft (instrument) 3 ranks, sound burst; Cost 1,750 gp

[Christopher Dudley]

Thrashling wrote:

Manservant Mannequin

I thought this had a pretty good idea going with the bodyswap, but I felt that the guardian effect was a little incongruous to that. I would have liked to know how big it was when it was collapsed down "neatly for easy storage and transportation." Does it fit in a backpack? Is it as big as a backpack? Is it a backpack? I had visions of Chewbacca carrying C3PO around on his back in The Empire Strikes Back. The main problem I can see with it is that you really have to know what you're getting into, and have a very patient party, to take five minutes to set it up. And that effect sounds like it would put the magic item in harm's way, so I would want to know its AC/hardness/hp in case it took a shot meant for the owner. Also, doing the swap would be an easy way to make this a one-shot item, because hey, free dummy.

[Rabbitball]

I find it fascinating that my item was one of the first mentioned as an "I'm shocked this wasn't in" comment. Here goes...

Tatiana’s Turtle Tureen

Aura faint conjuration (creation) and transmutation (fire); CL 5th
Slot none; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.

Description
The first decree of Empress Tatiana was for her cook to serve turtle soup every day. As the turtle supply dwindled, he commissioned this item.

This ceramic tureen is shaped like a large turtle with oversized head and flippers. The flippers detach to serve as soup bowls and the head detaches to form a ladle. A handled lid seals the tureen for transport. The inner surfaces are plated in 14 karat gold. It holds a gallon of soup; enough to feed 8-10 medium-sized creatures.

Activating the tureen when there is food inside causes that food to be imprinted for later activations, removing any other imprint. The imprint notes the method and quality of the cooking, the temperature of the food, and its general size and composition. Although the tureen was designed for soup, any food (including attached bones) can be imprinted.

Activating the tureen without food inside copies the imprinted food, making as much as will fit inside. It will not pull meat off bones or cut whole items into pieces to make more fit, but if the imprinted food was prepared a certain way, so will the copy.

Food inside any part of the tureen is kept at the imprinted temperature. The food lasts 24 hours before spoiling. The tureen can be used once per day.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, create food and water, heat metal, creator must have 2 ranks in the Profession (cook) skill; Cost 2,500 gp

[Sir William]

Sewing Form of the Steel Seamstress
Aura strong transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 90,000 gp; Weight 200 lbs.
Description
Resting on an iron columnar pedestal, this mahogany mannequin of a torso provides a +2 circumstance bonus on Craft (clothing) checks. Studying the form reveals a palimpsest of markings indicating previous patterns, and, within those lines, arcane runes that outline the item's functions.

As a standard action, while wearing armor, anyone the form's size may touch it to become keyed to the mannequin. Upon the form's surface a design emerges that can be followed with a Craft (clothing) skill check (DC 15 + AC bonus). If the skill check is successful, when the armor is placed upon the sewing form, its armor bonus and special abilities are locked to the keyed individual when the outfit is worn. The item slots of the armor are utilized when wearing the outfit. While the armor remains on the form, this connection can be maintained indefinitely.

The maximum dexterity bonus to AC, armor check penalty, and other weight related penalties do not affect the wearer. Casting spells does not require an arcane spell failure check. All of the benefits apply only when worn within a 1 mile radius of the sewing form. Traveling outside the 1 mile radius and the use of extra dimensional spaces or other spells to transport the form breaks the connection. When the connection breaks, the armor gains the broken condition, and the outfit's benefits fade after 24 hours. If the armor is removed from the sewing form by anyone other than the keyed individual the armor is destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, treasure stitching, creator must have at least 5 ranks in Craft (clothing); Cost 45,000 gp

[Christopher Donnangelo]

Had not been able to find it during the voting. Maybe it was disqualified?

Fury Powder
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 1,400 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
This powder was originally weaponized rageweed pollen. It can be thrown as a splash weapon with a range increment of 10 feet or loaded into a tube and blown in a 15 foot cone. Any creature caught in the dust must make a DC 16 Will save, or be subject to a mind-affecting compulsion to attack the nearest creature as the confusion spell. This effect lasts for 7 rounds or until the creature makes a Will save.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, confusion; Cost 700 gp

[Nickolas Floyd]

Thrashling wrote:

Manservant Mannequin

Since this was the first posted and has several reviews already I will concentrate on what others have not said. I like this item somewhat though needing to be within 250 feet does limit its use. Not much good for an adventurer who would have to carry this fairly light, but bulky thing around with in in the dungeon. I get that maybe you made it for use in a person's keep, and that works for the world, but this is a game of adventurers. I just don't think it is superstar because of that. The name is not fitting either. I read "manservant" and I expect it to animate and bring me food, or answer the door, or something like that. There have been other "quick change" items in the past (my 2010 submission was one), though I don't know how many of them would swap all gear and clothing worn. Overall, it is a decent item, that just does not have that superstar spark it needs. Hope this helps and good luck next year.

[Dan Jones]

Astral Spike

Aura strong abjuration; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description
This item appears to be a long slim pearly-white spiraled horn with a jagged hacked-off base.
Three times per day, when an opponent within 250 feet of the wielder attempts to use a method of extradimensional travel, the wielder of the astral spike can make an immediate action and negate the extradimensional travel. In addition, the target must make a DC 22 Will save or teleport 5 feet in a random direction once per round on its turn for 2d6 rounds, each time taking 1d10 points of damage as if suffering from a teleport mishap; the target may make an additional Will save to cancel this effect as a full round action each round.
In addition, once per day, the astral spike can be slammed into the ground or against the floor and cause all extraplanar creatures within 60 feet to make a DC 24 Will save or be banished to their plane of origin.
Furthermore, the wielder gains the benefits of the Teleport Tactician feat (Advanced Player’s Guide page 172).

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Heighten Spell, Quicken Spell, Teleport Tactician, banishment, dimensional anchor, hostile juxtaposition, and truestrike; Cost 10,000 gp

[dmfumbl]

Icicle of the Frozen Waste
Aura moderate evocation; CL 11th
Slot --; Price 9,400 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
This item looks like a normal icicle about 4 to 6 inches in length with a 1 inch diameter at one end tapering to a dull point at the other end. The item does not melt in above freezing climates.

If the icicle is put in boiling water, or touched by an open flame, the icicle turns from solid form to a light mist covering a 40 ft sphere centered on the user. Any damage inflicted within the circle now includes the cold energy type in addition to any other energy type associated with it. If a combatant has one or more resistances, divide damage evenly between all energy types before determining how much damage is resisted for each type.

The mist does not grant any concealment and dissipates after 1 minute.

Alternately, if the icicle is put in non-boiling water, either fresh or salt water, a solid disk of ice appears on the surface. The size of the disk is determined by the amount of surface area available in the water up to a maximum 40 ft disk. The disk appears centered on a point in the water within 50 ft determined by the user and lasts for 1 minute. In all other regards it functions like the alternate ability of the freezing sphere spell.

The icicle is crafted from purified glacial water from a remote location in the Crown of the World.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, freezing sphere, ice storm, glacial water; Cost 4,700 gp

====
Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks

[James Raine]

Kyr wrote:

Stormtide Jar

I wanted to like this item. I really did. But the effect is gigantic. I have never held a combat on a battlefield where this item would not hit every creature involved. Plus it's a single use item that costs an exorbitant amount of money. It just didn't come together for me.

[Jen Jackson]

Hi! This is my first try at this. I was so excited when I saw it after the cull! Where did I go wrong?

Venicaan Lantern
Aura moderate conjuration (healing); CL 9th
Slot none; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A product of the famed college of healing, citizens of Katheer know aid is coming when they see the warm glow of these amber lamps, almost exclusively carried by an elite cadre of healers called the Emperor's Medicative Servants (EMS).
When lit, it sheds light like a hooded lantern and the conditions of all creatures within its illumination are revealed as the spell deathwatch.
When mounted on a magical staff (typically a staff of healing) for more than 24 hours, it gains an additional power. By draining 10 charges from the staff, it can cast breath of life, but the spell will work on targets that have been dead for up to 1 minute, rather than only 1 round. If staff doesn’t have 10 charges, all remaining charges are consumed, and both the staff and the lantern lose all their magical properties for a number of days equal to the number of charges still needed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, breath of life, deathwatch; Cost 10,000 gp

[James Raine]

Sir William wrote:

Sewing Form of the Steel Seamstress

This was one of my favorite items this year. I loved the imagery, loved the use of a forgotten mundane object as the item's base, loved the functionality…I am genuinely upset that this item did not make top 32.

[Jeff Lee]

Wow. I go away to do something productive for the afternoon and blam! this thread pumps out about a page an hour. I'll see about adding what critique I can either tonight or tomorrow, but I've got a friend coming in from out of town this weekend that I haven't seen in years and we've got a lot of catching up to do. Hopefully I can address at least the first couple of pages. Alternately, if you want to PM me about your item I can shoot one back with my thoughts. Your choice.

In the meantime:

Witchbane Glove
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 6th
Slot hands; Price 5,500 gp; Weight —
Description
This single glove is typically fashioned from light canvas, with iron rivets along its seams, and a pentacle stitched into the palm with silver thread. When worn, the witchbane glove provides a +2 resistance bonus on saving throws against hexes and the spell-like abilities of hags. Once per day, the wearer can choose to capture a hex or spell-like ability. If the wearer makes a successful saving throw against the effect, then she may choose to store the hex or spell-like ability in the glove for up to one hour. At any time during that hour, the wearer may make a melee touch attack with the glove to inflict the hex or spell-like ability upon her target, using the original saving throw when it was cast.
If the wearer of the witchbane glove strikes a creature under the effects of a harmful hex or hag ability with that hand (doing normal unarmed strike damage plus Strength modifier), then that creature immediately gets another saving throw against the effect with a +2 bonus to their saves. This bonus stacks with all other modifiers. Should the damage dealt by the blow be enough to knock the creature unconscious, then it receives a +1 insight bonus to its saving throws against hexes or hag spell-like abilities for 1 hour after it regains consciousness. A witchbane glove uses up the entire hands slot. The wearer may not use another item that also uses the hands slot.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hex ward; Cost 2,750 gp

[Iammars]

Hm... apparently some people liked my item.

Tactician’s Go-Ke
Aura strong conjuration; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
The stones from this go-ke can be used to turn the battlefield into something resembling a game of go.

A character may use the stones inside a tactician’s go-ke as thrown weapons with a range increment of 10 ft., although they do no damage. Their real use comes in throwing them into squares (AC 5). A stone from a go-ke exudes an aura of force which pushes against people trying to move near it. Anyone who tries to enter that square needs to make a DC 20 Strength check or they can’t move into that square for the remainder of their action. This effect doesn’t prevent the person who threw the stone from picking it back up from an adjacent square.

At the end of any turn, if there are any creatures with a stone directly north, south, east and west of them, the stones attempt to capture that creature. The creature being captured attempts a DC 20 Reflex save. If he passes, he may move 5 ft as an immediate action. If he fails, or is prevented from moving, the stones cast maze on him, except that instead of navigating a maze, the creature must play a game of go. This use of the stones expends all the magic from them.

A newly created tactician’s go-ke has 24 stones, each the size of a fist. All stones in one go-ke are one color, traditionally white or black.
Construction
Requirements Create Wondrous Item, interposing hand, maze; Cost 13,500 gp

My Thoughts...:

The balance was hard on this, and I think it's balanced when you stop and think about it. I realize now from voting that people weren't really thinking deeply about the item that they were voting. I certainly wasn't.

[James Raine]

Jennifer McGettigan wrote:

Venicaan Lantern

I liked this item, but the pun killed it for me.

[IcedMik]

nikou wrote:

Clarion Cymbals

Just some notes; should be faint evocation, and should have semi-colons in the formatting.

To my knowledge, there is no such thing as a stunstone. I can't seem to find it, anyway. Google says it was an object in an adventure path, but it doesn't seem to be widely available.

[Jacob Kellogg]

Jennifer McGettigan wrote:

Hi! This is my first try at this. I was so excited when I saw it after the cull! Where did I go wrong?

Venicaan Lantern
Aura moderate conjuration (healing); CL 9th
Slot none; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A product of the famed college of healing, citizens of Katheer know aid is coming when they see the warm glow of these amber lamps, almost exclusively carried by an elite cadre of healers called the Emperor's Medicative Servants (EMS).
When lit, it sheds light like a hooded lantern and the conditions of all creatures within its illumination are revealed as the spell deathwatch.
When mounted on a magical staff (typically a staff of healing) for more than 24 hours, it gains an additional power. By draining 10 charges from the staff, it can cast breath of life, but the spell will work on targets that have been dead for up to 1 minute, rather than only 1 round. If staff doesn’t have 10 charges, all remaining charges are consumed, and both the staff and the lantern lose all their magical properties for a number of days equal to the number of charges still needed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, breath of life, deathwatch; Cost 10,000 gp

Welcome to the contest!

I never saw this during voting, but here's my thoughts:
Overall, I like it. The problem is just that first paragraph. Makes it impossible to take you seriously. Have you ever seen a published magic item with something like that? Had it not been there, this could have been a top contender. For your first try, though, this item is really phenomenal. :)

[speed66]

Dragon Skin Cloak
Aura strong abjuration; CL 13th
Slotshoulders; Price 120,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION
This mithral cloak is forged to appear as the scales of a dragon polished to a brilliant shine and is held together by interwoven copper wire.

Anytime the cloak encounters an energy spell or spell-like ability the wearer can activate the cloak to make a reflex save to capture the energy of the attack. If the reflex save is passed then the energy is captured on the cloak and is seen running continuously across the cloak. The wearer may then absorb the energy, scatter it, or condense it into a projectile. The cloak has ten daily uses.

Absorbing the energy stored in the cloak gives the wearer immunity to the energy for ten rounds or until another energy is captured on the cloak. This immunity also grants vulnerabilities associated with immunity from the chosen energy. Furthermore the energy that the wearer is vulnerable to cannot be captured while being immune to the opposing energy.

Scattering the energy allows the wearer to either spread the captured energy into a nova which has a 20-ft radius or use it as a breath weapon that has a 30-ft cone. The damage for this attack is D6 per level of the spell and allows a save equal to the spell level plus the Charisma modifier of the wearer.

Condensing the energy allows the wearer to reflect the spell by targeting a square and releasing it as a projectile. The spell retains the properties as before but is a targeting spell. Area damaging spells can be condensed into a projectile and deal the same damage as the original to the target.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, spell turning, resist energy; Cost 60,000 gp

[Monica Marlowe]

Chris Shaeffer wrote:

Ah, it's here! It'll be fun to actually participate in this for once. :p

Disclaimer:
I'll tell you what I told Anthony: As I mentioned a few times, this was sort of slapped together in three hours while I was hung over on New Years' Day. I woke up at 10 AM with an idea for a headdress with a sort of Native American "trail of tears" flavor. Slave driving, or something. Sort of an ironic twist with the native wear being the slave-enabling item.

I originally had an ability that was synergistic with the maneuvers, but it wasn't very exciting. I eventually settled on a sort of "creepy dark circus" image (even if it doesn't come through all too well), and thought of the wearer as a marionette puppeteer (the technical term of which is "Manipulator").

I'm aware of a lot of the more glaring issues (no usage limits, forgot the "gp" after cost, DC's are way too high, CL is off, etc...). Be gentle to my fragile ego. :p

As I have said before, I do not judge on whether you priced it right or you have the right spells in alphabetical order, I judge on how well you've written your description. I like this one, but I only saw it a couple of times. It was a pretty neat visual. While you didn't make it into the Top 32 this year, you definite have what it takes to light my imagination. Next year try to work on your item earlier, by maybe 3 weeks ;-)

[Ignotus Advenium]

Vinculum Vests
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot chest; Price 8,160 gp; Weight 1 lb. each.
Description
Embroidered in golden thread, two eagles grasping a single large ring adorn the back of these two handsome and perfectly matching velvet vests. Cut from the same cloth, they are linked both physically and magically. When a character of medium or small size dons either, it immediately tailors itself to fit comfortably and attractively. When each vest is worn by different characters simultaneously for one minute or longer, the characters become magically entwined and gain two benefits as follows.

Shared Resilience: While within 30 feet of one another, up to twice daily per vest, either wearer may elect to use the current Fortitude, Reflex or Will saving throw bonus of the other wearer in place of her own as an immediate action when rolling a saving throw against any effect. Determine this bonus as if the other wearer were targeted by the same effect.

Parallel Persuasion: Whenever either wearer uses the aid another action to assist the other wearer on a diplomacy skill check, the aiding character gains a +2 insight bonus on her check to assist. If successful, the aided character gains a +2 insight bonus on her diplomacy check in addition to any bonus received from the aid another action. Whether the aid another action is successful or not, any resulting shifts in attitude apply towards both wearers.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, share memory, resistance, eagle’s splendor; Cost 4,080 gp

[the Haunted Jester]

Imp Stone
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 8,400 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION
A fiendish stone made in various shades of red with black smoke moving across the stones surface. This stone contains 10 charges with each charge allowing the owner to summon an Imp as your personal servant for 1 minute. The Imp is bound to obey the command of the stones owner but fulfills the request in a manner of the Imps choosing. Once all the charges have been used the Imp is no longer bound to the stone and is set free. In addition, once per day, this stone may change its owners’ shape into the form of a boar, giant spider, rat, or a raven for 1 hour per day and may be dismissed prematurely as a free action.

This stone also acts as a whetstone and may be used on magical bladed weapons. The additional damage from honing a blade counts as axiomatic for the purposes of overcoming damage reduction on the first attack you hit with it.
This item requires 24 hours to attune to its wielder with each new owner reducing the number of charges by one. Once the stone is attuned, the owners’ aura detects as evil whenever carried so long as one charge remains on the stone.

CONSTRUCTION
[b]Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape I, summon monster IV;Cost 4,200 gp

[Jason Schimmel]

Aeris Fallstar wrote:

Chillforge Stein

feedback:

Ok as far as a concept goes, I like it. The drinking vessel is a document seal and you can key it to certain people. I feel like the function gets muddled in how you've organized the 2nd part of your 1st block of text. focus on the bottom being a seal and the magic of the seal, then write about gaining and loosing immunity. In construction requirements, the actual material (while possibly interesting and flavorful) is something I don't see often in most wondrous items. Rather than endure elements, prestidigitation would make more sense (it can cool the drink). If you were going for the whole idea of endure elements makes you unaffected by the runes, then I am pretty sure there is some kind of selective metamagic feat that might make more sense as a requirement.

It also seems underprices. Unlimited explosive runes. Using the magic item creation guidelines, I would put that at 30,000gp, before even considering the selective quality.

As far as would a player want this, I can see someone in a very intrigue based campaign. Something political or having a war of nations type vibe. There are also some industrious players out there who would find previously unforeseen uses of the item. Overall it seems like something very few people might look at.

Overall the concept is sound. It is not a bad item, just not wow for me.

[Nick Wasko]

Treestrider’s Satchel
Aura: moderate conjuration; CL: 10th
Slot: none; Price: 21,000 gp; Weight: 12 lb.

Description:
This enchanted satchel can accommodate up to 100 lb. or 5 cubic feet of goods. When one places the satchel against a tree and speaks the command word, the satchel and all its contents are absorbed into the trunk and remain there until recovered. The user can speak the command word again to retrieve the satchel from any tree of the same kind, so long as it is on the same plane of existence as the original. Once the satchel is retrieved, it may not be stored in a tree again for 24 hours.
Living things within a stored treestrider’s satchel eat, sleep, and age normally, and they die if they run out of food, air, water, or whatever they need to survive. They can escape if they do enough damage to the satchel to destroy the tree in which it is stored (typical trees have AC 4, hardness 5, and 150 hp). Dead matter within a stored satchel continues to decompose as normal. If the tree housing the satchel is cut down, the satchel is destroyed, but its contents are found in a “knothole” within the log; if the tree is burned, disintegrated, or otherwise obliterated, the satchel and it contents are irrecoverably lost.

Construction Requirements:
Craft Wondrous Item, transport via plants; Cost: 10,500 gp.

Thanks for any constructive criticism, I appreciate it!

[Whiskey Jack]

This was my first year entering the contest. Inspiration for my item comes from the many gunslingers I have played with or GM'ed for who were skinned out as Tien Ashigaru musketeers. This version differs from the submitted one in that I capitalized the title properly. I don't play a gunslinger- so it's not as if I made it for myself. :-)

I realize I probably hurt my chances by making an item that would appeal to just one class (maybe more if you take an archetype that gets you a grit pool)- but I had a desire to do a ki or grit pool oriented item. Giving people a new option in combat (even if it doesn't come into play very much) was also a goal.

I welcome critiques as I would hope to do better next year. Does anyone know if there will be a thread for folks to post their monster ideas too if they developed them prior to learning they were not in the top 32? Thanks!

Jingasa of Steadfast Defense
Aura minor Divination; CL 3rd
Slot head; Price 6,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This helm is a wide, conical hat fashioned from iron sheets and hardened leather secured by a wide chin strap. When worn by someone possessing the Grit class feature, the jingasa provides the ability to apply the Brace weapon quality to a wielded medium or small sized firearm type weapon. The wearer must have at least one Grit point to use this ability and must expend one Grit point to fire against a charging enemy while braced. In addition to the double damage from bracing, the firer also receives a +2 competency bonus to confirm a critical hit on the readied attack.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, True Strike; Cost 3,000 gp

[Monica Marlowe]

ChesterCopperpot wrote:

First time entering this year. Would love some feedback!

Choker of Spell Stifling

First, I disbelieve this is your first time entering! Good on you!

I did not regularly vote for this item because it scared me to think about using in character. Someone else mentioned it is a "cursed" item and while I don't think that's completely fair I have a strong aversion to any item that draws blood or otherwise injures the user as part of it's mechanism.

It is pretty creepy that you and many others came up with items that basically harmed the wearer or could be put/forced on helpless subjects. I like my D&D/Pathfinder to let us be big damn heroes, an item that is obviously intended for torture or some other kind of suppression feels like an NPC item that should appear in an AP as a plot device.

It is daring to enter an item like this and as far as I am able to say the execution of the item it pretty tight. However if most voters are like me, you didn't put your best foot forward which may be an injustice to yourself.

[Scorba]

is there a way to copy and paste my item from the competition? I lost my only copy in a computer crash ... really sucks.

I really want to get better at this and some criticism would help me.

I could recreate it, but it wouldn't be as it was submitted ... not exactly.

[Ignotus Advenium]

Nick Wasko wrote:

Treestrider’s Satchel

This item was one of my favorites.

If I was guessing why it didn't advance, I would imagine that it's because there are already a lot of storage items. That didn't hurt it in my eyes, though. I happened to really like the flavor of it compared to other storage items. If I recall, I nearly always up-voted this one—good job.

I'm new to the forums and the contest, but I did vote a lot and really enjoyed the whole event, and your item was a part of that.

Now I have to figure out a good place to submit the monster I had ready.

[Monica Marlowe]

Nick Wasko wrote:

Treestrider’s Satchel

Thanks for any constructive criticism, I appreciate it!

I am pleased to see you made it into the Top 100! At first read through I didn't like this item very much, it seemed kind of kitschy to me. But I saw it A LOT and it grew on me (no pun intended). Things of holding are pretty old hat around these parts but you did it cleverly and I appreciate that.

The name is kind of bulky, I don't remember your word count, but it looks like you had enough to make "treestrider's" two words and I think you probably should have gone with "tree strider" and lost the possessive "s". It would have cut down on some of the alliteration at least.

As always, these are my opinions and offered up in the hopes of promoting game designers! :-)

[Keldan Marr]

Any feedback is much appreciated

Ashen Ka Shabti
Aura strong necromancy and abjuration; CL 15th
Slot -; Price 24,800 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This hollow, glazed clay statuette of a humanoid is inscribed with prayers and incantations. The interior of the figurine is filled with ash, natron, and spices. The figurine can be broken open and its contents poured out while speaking the command word as a full-round action. The ashes coalesce into a swirling cloud with a vaguely humanoid shape under the control of whoever uttered the command word. If no command word is spoken when the ashen ka shabti is broken, the ash cloud attacks the nearest living creature. The ash cloud has the same statistics as a greater shadow (Bestiary, pg. 245) but does not gain the create spawn ability. In addition, instead of a Strength damage special attack, the ash cloud’s touch inflicts 3d6 damage as it saps the moisture from its victim, desiccating flesh into crumbling ash. The creature lasts for one minute, after which it collapses into a pile of useless dust. An unbroken ashen ka shabti grants the bearer a +2 sacred bonus to saving throws against curses. This bonus increases to +4 against mummy rot.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, remove curse, shadow projection, horrid wilting; Cost 12,400 gp

[Nickolas Floyd]

Robot_nachos wrote:

Shawl, Spell-Mirror

Yeah, I have to agree that using the Mythic rules was a risk. It is a bigger risk to use something like mythic than other rules add-ons, since mythic is such a big change to the core of the game. Obviously, I can't really comment on the mythic mechanics. I was one of those voters that saw a mythic item and decided that I was not going to vote for something that uses rules that I don't know nor am interested in learning. Sorry. One still made the top 32 despite the risk.

I also don't care for effects that redirect spells. These should be very rare and I see no need for more than what already exists.
I do like the name and I am a fan of the comma-split name, though I feel one should leave it unsplit in the entry title line. Of course I don't know if you did this or not. It's not a big deal.

Jacob Kellogg wrote:

Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove

I get the theme and it all fits, but I don't think it is that cool. How many adventurers want a little white dove cooing in their ear while they adventure? It just doesn't appeal to me and I wouldn't be excited to have this item. It might actually annoy me if characters keep mentioning my new "animal companion."

I also don't care for items that give skill bonuses, and as others have pointed out the Bluff penalty is not much of a drawback. A +2 bonus as a minor effect might be ok if it makes sense, but a +5 is quite a bump.
And I agree that determining a PC's intentions and feelings is too loose for the game. Overall, it just doesn't say "superstar" to me. I guess we all have our missteps at times (even Jacobs). I certainly did. Good luck next year.

[Jason Schimmel]

Robot_nachos wrote:

I figured I’d take a risk this year and make a mythic item; I also intentionally made it too expensive to show up in a randomly generated treasure hoard.

Shawl, Spell-Mirror

feedback:

To start with I like the theme of your item and the powers seem to tie into that. Going Mythic was a risk, but one worth taking as judges from previous years have considered writers keeping up with and using new rules as a plus. While I have had the Mythic rules since release, I am not as up on all the nuts and bolts on things like mythic crafting. I guess I'll dig in.

I like the name, but I don't think Paizo use the formatting convention for names you've used. I look a quick glance at the UE section of the PRD to check and it doesn't look that way (shawl, -), but I could be wrong. Overall I like the name though alliteration can be off-putting for some it works for me in this case.

I'm not certain of the purpose of the 120 feet aura detection. If this part functions as arcane sight, you should probably call it out like that in the text.

SR 10+HD. I understand wanting to do an item that powers up as you go, but you also made the calculation different from how it works for Spell Resistance (12+CL). The amount of SR is not over the top for what the item does.

The spell turning part only takes effect if the SR is not overcome, so it isn't just Spell Turning in a can which is nice. You also make certain areas and touch spells reflect as well, which i personally like and seems to fit with the theme.

Ok now for the mythic part. While I'm not familiar with all the mythic powers for casters, your options seem ok. The 100% reflect still only happens if they miss the SR and the decisions have to be made before the SR roll is made. I'm not sure if that helps or hinders. It makes the mythic options seem like much more of a gamble. Unless you have been targeted a few times and are confident you know that outcome. The 3rd option seems like the wording is much more awkward than the other two.

Overall templete use seems ok.
Price. I'm not sure but its possible that by SR alone you actually lowballed it. A continuous use item is supposed to be Spell level*Caster level*2000. Which, if you run off the caster level of the item, is 170,000 gp. Looking at SR armor enhancements, that seems like a lot, but those are also fixed and depend on other variables. Pricing is also more art than science and the item doesn't benefit significantly from the higher CL so that is a consideration. All that is before the situation Spell Turning and mythic powers.

Overall I think there is a really neat item here, I like the visual of scorching rays just bouncing off the mirrored shawl, but there are definitely places it could be improved. Hope it helps.

[Scorba]

I think that my overall style as a GM has been corrupted by years of running games for pure power-gamers and I have little interaction with true role players.

so I have adopted a style of running low-power campaigns. That may have been a detriment to my entry this year as I created a low power, but simple and useful item.

really .. no frills

[Monica Marlowe]

Scorba wrote:

is there a way to copy and paste my item from the competition? I lost my only copy in a computer crash ... really sucks.

I really want to get better at this and some criticism would help me.

I could recreate it, but it wouldn't be as it was submitted ... not exactly.

Go check with the keepers of the lists, a LOT of voters keep copies and it is possible someone has it and can send it to you.

EDIT TO ADD: And by 'keepers of the lists' I mean Meepo/Eric Morton :)

[Scorba]

should I just start a thread and request that?

thank you

[Monica Marlowe]

Ignotus Advenium wrote:

Nick Wasko wrote:

Treestrider’s Satchel

Now I have to figure out a good place to submit the monster I had ready.

Don't worry, there will be a play at home thread while we wait around here somewhere.

[Scorba]

ahhh... I will go and speak with the man on the silver mountain

thank you

[Ignotus Advenium]

Aeris Fallstar wrote:

Kind of sad I didn't crack the Top 100. Oh well. Here goes...

Chillforge Stein

I'm surprised this didn't make the top 100. I thought its concept was well thought out and it struck me as a very cool item. I do wonder if some voters dinged you for electrum.

There were a few minor formatting errors (like my own submission), but I typically overlooked those except for tie-breakers. I'm curious—did you know that the school should have been lowercase, but missed it, or didn't know?

I ask, because for my submission (my first-ever formatted item), I did do some advance research on these boards, though obviously not enough. I realized too late that skills are typically capitalized and spell requirements alphabetized. Now that I realize that presentation formats are that exact, I'll never approach any written game materials without diligent research.

[Monica Marlowe]

Milton Murphy wrote:

Circlet of Substantial Foresight

I cannot tell you if your mechanics are sound and tight, because that's not how I judge items, I am a player plain and simple. I liked your item in principle however, I don't like divination spells and this item not only used divination spells it was a short jump to deus ex machina. Your description is clear and I was able to understand what you were trying to convey, which is certainly a step in the right direction. Good luck next year and keep up with the forums through out the contest, there's a lot of great advice waiting to be gleaned.

[Nazard]

One of the only-works-when-you're-dead crowd, I'm afraid. I hoped the Gorum flavour would strike a chord, but obviously no-go.

Reanimating Battle Bones
Aura moderate conjuration and necromancy [evil]; CL 13th
Slot neck; Price 9,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This pair of finger bones, one human and one orcish, hang from a rough leather cord. Each bears carvings of Gorumite symbols and rhythmically clack together anytime the wearer enters battle. As the wearer takes damage and approaches death, the clacking increases, and the bones begin to twitch with an excited glee.

The bones only function for a living wearer. Should the wearer die in battle, and his body remain intact, the bones immediately burrow into the wearer’s neck. One round later, his flesh falls away, and he becomes a skeletal champion for the remainder of the battle. The wearer gains undead traits, though his stats remain unchanged, with the following exceptions: he no longer has a Constitution score, he has half his normal maximum of hit points (though he can be healed up to his normal maximum through any means by which undead are typically able to recover hit points), and he gains DR 5/bludgeoning, channel resistance +4, and immunity to cold.

If the skeletal wearer attempts to flee the battle, or if he is brought to zero hit points, he immediately crumbles to dust, and only a wish, miracle, or similar magic can restore him to life. If the wearer is able, however, to kill even just one opponent who has at least half his hit dice before the battle is over, he proves himself worthy of the bones’ blessing—his flesh instantly grows back, and his life returns to him. If he fails to strike a death blow against a suitable opponent, he crumbles to dust. Either way, the bones’ magic is gone forever.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, create undead, raise dead; Cost 4,500 gp

[Nickolas Floyd]

Bryan Bloomer wrote:

Provocateur’s Pamphlet

This seemed to be a very popular item, but I'm not really digging it. It seems more like an NPC's magic item and sort of a plot hook. It does not seem like a useful item to the average dungeon adventurer. It also seems kind of ripe for abuse for crafty PCs in a city campaign, especially in multiples. It basically "goes viral" in a community and likely ends in a riot or whatever the user might intend. Despite the fact that I could see something like this working in a movie or a novel, I just can't see this being good for the game, and as a GM I would hate this in the hands on my PCs. I do really like the name though. You had a really good idea, but I just don't think the idea works for a game.

[Monica Marlowe]

Chris Donnangelo wrote:

Had not been able to find it during the voting. Maybe it was disqualified?

Fury Powder

Nope! I saw it a lot and I voted for it a lot. I am not certain if "rageweed" is a plant in Golarion or a convenient misspelling that made a fun item but I thought it was clever. It is possible that others had issues with it technically, but I don't look too closely at that :-)

[Jason Schimmel]

Ok let me have it. On reflection, I think I put too much into it.

Fire sculptors gloves
Aura faint conjuration and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot Hands; Price 20500 gp; Weight —
Description
These well worn leather gloves are studded with obsidian cabochons and smell faintly of sulfur. When worn, they grant the wearer a number of benefits. First, the wearer may cast spark as a standard action three times a day. Second the wearer may draw non-magical flames no bigger than a campfire into the gloves as a full round action. When the gloves absorb a fire, one of the obsidian studs at the base of the digits turns reddish brown. The gloves can hold 10 such fire charges. As a standard action, the wearer may release up to 5 of the absorbed fires. The fires shoot out violently in a line that is 5 feet in length per charge and deals 1d6 fire damage per charge expended (DC 14 reflex save for half). Finally, once per day as a full round action, the wearer may sculpt a fire into a creature to serve it. The creature may take the form of any animal, vermin, or magical beast available when casting summon natures ally III. The creature is normal except for the following changes; It gains the fire subtype, immunity to fire, weakness to cold, and the burn special attack. Additionally it can understand, but not speak, Ignan. The creature persists for 5 rounds if it is from the summon natures ally III list, 10 minutes if it is from the summon natures ally II list and 1 hour if it is from the summon natures ally I list. Both gloves must be worn to be effective.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, produce flame, quench, spark, Summon natures ally III; Cost 10250 gp

[Steven Helt]

Jacob Kellogg wrote:

Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove

You don't really need any advice from me. You're a previous top 32, you have cast hundreds of votes in this contest, and your name is Jacob. : )

Having said that, my impression during voting was that a fun combat item is always more appealing than a soothing, nice-guy item. Those items always strike me as less-than-exciting NPC gear.

Mechanically, I don't like items that magically know the intent behind an item. How is hold person less hostile than another spell? Don't most hold attempts get followed with a sneak attack or a coup de grace? How about confusion? Doesn't that allow the possibility that someone might attack their ally?

Give me a +2 bonus against compulsion - I like that, but it's not very Superstar. Give me a cinematic magic dove intended to keep my thoughts nonviolent. I dig that too. But somehow in giving both, the mechanics get clunky and the grey areas start to mount up, and i think you might have lost some votes there.

[Zi'on Darkbane]

Huge shout out to Garrett and his crew for compiling this into a searchable Google Doc.

Dude, you rock!

[Joel Flank]

Medallion of the Nine Spheres
Aura strong transmutation; CL 17th
Slot neck; Price 40,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This platinum medallion has nine circular impressions in a spiral pattern, each successively larger than the last. Placing a pearl of power into a depression binds it to the necklace. After 24 hours, the medallion enhances spells recalled by a pearl. The medallion can hold one pearl of each level, 1st through 9th.
Casting a spell recalled with a bound pearl, before preparing spells again, grants a +2 bonus to caster level. Activating two pearls at once as a standard action allows the wearer to recall a spell with a level equal to the sum of the levels of the pearls minus two. For example, a 3rd and 4th level pearl activated simultaneously can recall a 5th level spell.
With all nine impressions filled with pearls of power, any spell recalled with a slotted pearl and cast before preparing spells again also gain +1 to the saving throw DC and a +2 bonus to penetrate spell resistance and to resist being dispelled.
If an ioun stone is inserted into an impression in the medallion, the medallion explodes, destroying it, the ioun stone, and any bound pearls of power, and causing 10d10 points of damage to all creatures within 20 feet.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, limited wish, mage's lubrication, mnemonic enhancer, creator must be 17th level; Cost 20,000 gp