A great many thanks to everyone who commented on my Harbinger's Knock. I will try to comment on other items once I get back home, promise! :)
RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Stanhope of Bloody Roots
Your descriptive text gets a little long, and includes details that confuse the image instead of solidify it. Save yourself some words by giving a cinematic description of the item and stopping there. How about:
Breaking up the description lets the reader keep a rhythm, and you don't need to state a pendant can be opened.
The item seems like a cool utility for a story ploy, but otherwise, who tracks four generations of PCs or NPCs? Maybe that's important in a very specific campaign or for players like me, who love to really flesh out their character backgrounds. But in RPG Superstar, you have to rock the boat of every kind of player and GMs. Imagine that for every artsy-fartsy role player sifting through the hoard of items during voting, there's a combat nut doing the same thing. He tosses magic items behind him as he votes his way through the pile:
Boring....boring...can't read it...rogues suck anyway...four generations of—oh! Look! A tiny locker with a magical undead cat! NOW we're talking!
You can't please everyone with a niche item, so even if the item is badass, you lose votes. If your wondrous item entry isn't going to be a solidly useful combat piece, it better get the imaginations of every reader salivating anyway.
"If the subject already has the scar hex affecting them"..I see you trying like the dickens to avoid passive voice, but to no avail. Remember, in mechanical text, you sometimes can't avoid passive language. In Superstar, if you find yourself unable to avoid passive voice, question whether you really want people to stop reading your entry while they sort out who is doing what to whom...and then make a new magic item.
Template feedback: don't capitalize the slot "Neck", and don't charge 32,000 gp for the status spell. I'd also avoid a hex as a crafting requirement, as that almost certainly means only a witch can create it.
Hope this helps!
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I've already learned a lot through the whole contest process, voting, taking in all the wisdom of the forums and seeing who actually did come out on top. Thank you everyone for the participation and excitement. It really turned this contest into an event for the public in addition to the winners.
That said, if anyone would like to comment, I would appreciate the specific advice.
(Some of my initial thoughts are I'm not sure I got the cost quite right, given its not the traditional slot for this type of item (although I thought it was thematic) and it certainly was fairly less mojo than a swath of the items I saw in the voting)
Headband of the Hirsute
Aura faint transmutation; CL 6th
Slot headband; Price 8,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This thick headband is covered in dense, coarse animal fur. The headband stimulates hair growth for the wearer allowing the subject to grow a thick pelt. This pelt provides a +2 enhancement bonus to natural armor and protects the wearer from cold environments as the endure elements spell. Furthermore the pelt bestows a +2 circumstance bonus to Stealth checks when in a natural environment. This bonus increases to +5 if the subject is not wearing armor or clothing. However, due to the wearer's bestial appearance, the subject now takes a -5 penalty on all Diplomacy checks.
When first donning the Headband of the Hirsute the wearer must decide if the hair grown will be their own natural coloring, or that of the local fauna. The hair will grow comfortably under clothing and armor as long as it is not tight or form-fitting. The headband must be worn for three days before the pelt is completely grown and for the wearer to gains its benefits. If the headband is removed anytime after this point the owner loses the pelt and all of her natural hair. The owner can put on the headband again for one hour to regrow her hair to its natural length.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape I, endure elements, creator's caster level must be at least 6th; Cost 4,250 gp
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Spellsnaring Gauntlets
I agree the design space for reflecting spells is a little crowded. I can only speak for myself when I say that I don't like reflecting spells much...it makes the game feel like a video game to me. I'll accept any mechanic within reason, but that one has to be handled just right with me, or suddenly I'll wonder if someone drugged me and snuck me into a 4e game.
Oh, yes he di-iiid.
Now, having said that, I kind of like these gauntlets. I think maybe they handle it the right way. They have power (every round), but limited effect (only once per round and only against you). They trade the damage you would have take for a much smaller effect, so you get all the defense and only a portion of the offense.
Second paragraph, first sentence should be broken up. If you find yourself struggling with a sentence because it has a formula in it, break it into two sentences and rework until it's neither distracting nor confusing.
I think you whiffed with the threat rating. I am as much a power gamer as anyone out there. But I think there are limits in flavor and taste for how much extra coolness an item can pile on. You give me the ability to deflect rays. You give me the ability to fire back. I don't need a melee touch attack with Improved Crit.
I do feel they are a little undercosted for the joy you get out of them.
Hope this helps!
I think you whiffed with the threat rating. I am as much a power gamer as anyone out there. But I think there are limits in flavor and taste for how much extra coolness an item can pile on. You give me the ability to deflect rays. You give me the ability to fire back. I don't need a melee touch attack with Improved Crit.
You might be right about that. The reason that is in there is that this item started with the specific image of a rogue catching a scorching ray and shanking the caster right back in the face with it. That is why the melee bit in is there, it was always there and survived all the additions and edits. I wanted the threat rating there to make up for the fact that the damage was only one die+. I think the attack bonus might make up for that though.
It is quite possible that I wound up being too attached to the initial image I had though and that is a good thing to watch out for next time round.
More interestingly, over the times I have competed, I seem to have gone from my first entry where the consensus was that it idea might have mojo but was just badly executed with major mechanical missteps to this year when the consensus is that I took a boring idea and executed it really well. I'm not sure how I feel about that arc, whether it is really an improvement.
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It's been an eye opening experience, flattering and frustrating. I know we are all exceptionally busy people so it will mean a great deal to me if you guys could give me an honest critique of my item.
Crown of the Murder King
Congrats on your Item making it into the Top 100. This one quickly became a favorite of mine and I was hoping the judges would have picked if for the Top 32. It certainly has the WOW factor and is filled with mojo.
That said I think it might do just a bit to much. If I use this in my game I will probably drop the communication with animals and the retrieving shiny objects...they are nice for flavor but the last paragraph is where this item gets cool.
I might also tighten up the effects listed there, again it is a bit busy and has a Swiss Army Knife vibe going on even though it is all thematically linked. I probably would drop the fly ability since there are lots of other ways a character can get that and just focus on the murder of crows protecting and ravaging.
Nice Job and thanks for sharing it with us in the Critique thread ImmortalGlitch. I expect we will see you in the Top 32 soon.
Right now, it comes off as a bit dry (for lack of a better word) due to presentation, but I think the mojo is there. You just need to make sure people see it! Keep up the good work :)
Yeah. You are totally right and I realized after reading many of the items that people favored over mine, that it didn't have a "wiz-bang" awesomeness to it. Another year, another lesson learned. Could I have saved it by writing in some more flavor? Maybe, but if I could go back in time with this lesson, I would just have submitted one of my other items that had more punch, and wasn't so niche. Thanks for taking a look.
Right now, it comes off as a bit dry (for lack of a better word) due to presentation, but I think the mojo is there. You just need to make sure people see it! Keep up the good work :)Yeah. You are totally right and I realized after reading many of the items that people favored over mine, that it didn't have a "wiz-bang" awesomeness to it. Another year, another lesson learned. Could I have saved it by writing in some more flavor? Maybe, but if I could go back in time with this lesson, I would just have submitted one of my other items that had more punch, and wasn't so niche. Thanks for taking a look.
No problem. Just so you know, I'll be using this item in an encounter in a couple of weeks, so thanks for the cool idea! I'm excited to see how it works out.
No problem. Just so you know, I'll be using this item in an encounter in a couple of weeks, so thanks for the cool idea! I'm excited to see how it works out.
Awesome. I'd be interested to hear how that goes. PM me about it is you get the chance.
I'm embarrassed to post this considering how bad my memory of the rules was by the time I got around to making my submission. It was only several days later I realized how badly I had messed it up. But rather than focus on that, I figure I might as well get some feedback on the concept itself.
Ersatz Twin
Aura varies; CL varies
Slot none; Price 750 (lesser), 1,400 (standard), 3,800 (greater); Weight 1 lbs.
Description
These dolls are often crude imitations of humans made from dark wood or clay. Even the originals weren't much to look at. While they do glow under a detect magic spell, they can't actually do anything without some piece of a living being, typically a clipping of hair or a drop of blood. With that the doll can be transformed into an imitation of the person or animal the hair or blood was taken from.
This imitation is solid but doesn't do much besides stand in place mimicking whatever the person it's imitating would do while waiting. It will attempt to return to its starting place if forced away, though any amount of damage will destroy it. Most observers would think an actual person was there at first glance, but the lack of any awareness will quickly give the illusion away once someone starts to interact with it. This copy lasts for 1 minute before dissolving into a shadowy smoke.
The original dolls were created by Eges, an adventuring illusionist, as a means for him and his teammates to easily create a distraction, and they served that function quite well. However, once others started making and selling the dolls, a few more unscrupulous people found other uses for them, so some enchanters made a lesser version that can only be activated by the donor of the hair or blood used.
On the other hand, some enchanters made a few greater versions of the dolls. These greater dolls retain the memories and mannerisms of the donor. The person that activates the doll has no special control over it but it does begin with a Helpful attitude towards them. These greater dolls last for 1 hour before dissolving into a puddle of water.
None of the dolls make a perfect likeness of the donor and anyone familiar with that person will likely be able to spot that it's a fake, or at least a remarkable doppelganger, if they take more than a passing look.
Lesser Ersatz Twin: faint illusion; CL 5; Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration
Ersatz Twin: moderate illusion; CL 7; Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration
Greater Ersatz Twin: moderate illusion; CL 11; Craft Wondrous Item, simulacrum
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, additional spells; Cost 375 (lesser), 700 (standard), 2,150 (greater)
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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It is quite possible that I wound up being too attached to the initial image I had though and that is a good thing to watch out for next time round.
I am seeing a lot of this. Over the last year, several people have asked for advice about the contest, and of course I've tried to spend some time reviewing entries and offering my input there. I've also started a writing group and we've been working pretty steadily since August.
In that time, I think maybe the most common bit of feedback has been this: do not let the original idea be the boss of you. I think I said that today in someone's feedback, but I've done a lot by private message, too.
Your initial idea comes to you through fog, or through some derivative source. If it's derivative, you need to hammer it out until it's your own and only your own. We don't need merely another version of a trope. We need a unique take on it.
If the idea was truly yours, your first take on it won't be your best. Feel around the design space. Commit yourself to variations on your own theme and see if the idea doesn't get better.
The original quicksand cloak was a light blue affair that cascaded down your back like a waterfall. If you got to close to the wearer, you could be pulled down into the water and drown in the train. I had all these ideas for the trim being foamy looking and the roar of falling water if you listened closely. But I thought to feel around in that space. First, I really liked it, but when I threw out half a dozen ideas to see what got people excited, the waterfall cloak never topped the list. So I did some research. Superstar voters tend to like gritty stuff. So I started thinking about swamps and brackish water. I thought the look might be too clean so I thought about muddy or mossy water. And I thought the cloak being an active item that pulled opponents into it was bad design, so I went for something that was more passive and defensive. The final version was much different than the first, and I broke into the top 32.
Never let your initial vision boss you around. Your goal is to compete, and to get notice, and to publish. Not to publish one idea you liked so much you risked those goals to keep to it. I'm sure other, better designers learned that lesson in less time than I. Make sure you aren't held back by pet ideas as you develop into a freelance designer.
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It is quite possible that I wound up being too attached to the initial image I had though and that is a good thing to watch out for next time round.I am seeing a lot of this. Over the last year, several people have asked for advice about the contest, and of course I've tried to spend some time reviewing entries and offering my input there. I've also started a writing group and we've been working pretty steadily since August.
In that time, I think maybe the most common bit of feedback has been this: do not let the original idea be the boss of you. I think I said that today in someone's feedback, but I've done a lot by private message, too.
Your initial idea comes to you through fog, or through some derivative source. If it's derivative, you need to hammer it out until it's your own and only your own. We don't need merely another version of a trope. We need a unique take on it.
If the idea was truly yours, your first take on it won't be your best. Feel around the design space. Commit yourself to variations on your own theme and see if the idea doesn't get better.
The original quicksand cloak was a light blue affair that cascaded down your back like a waterfall. If you got to close to the wearer, you could be pulled down into the water and drown in the train. I had all these ideas for the trim being foamy looking and the roar of falling water if you listened closely. But I thought to feel around in that space. First, I really liked it, but when I threw out half a dozen ideas to see what got people excited, the waterfall cloak never topped the list. So I did some research. Superstar voters tend to like gritty stuff. So I started thinking about swamps and brackish water. I thought the look might be too clean so I thought about muddy or mossy water. And I thought the cloak being an active item that pulled opponents into it was bad design, so I went for something that was more passive and defensive. The final version was much different than the first, and I...
This folks is why you have to read the whole thread, not just the comments on your item.
This folks, is also why Steven is a Superstar. Thanks for sticking around even though you already have the crown Steven :)
It is quite possible that I wound up being too attached to the initial image I had though and that is a good thing to watch out for next time round.I am seeing a lot of this. Over the last year, several people have asked for advice about the contest, and of course I've tried to spend some time reviewing entries and offering my input there. I've also started a writing group and we've been working pretty steadily since August.
In that time, I think maybe the most common bit of feedback has been this: do not let the original idea be the boss of you. I think I said that today in someone's feedback, but I've done a lot by private message, too.
Your initial idea comes to you through fog, or through some derivative source. If it's derivative, you need to hammer it out until it's your own and only your own. We don't need merely another version of a trope. We need a unique take on it.
If the idea was truly yours, your first take on it won't be your best. Feel around the design space. Commit yourself to variations on your own theme and see if the idea doesn't get better.
The original quicksand cloak was a light blue affair that cascaded down your back like a waterfall. If you got to close to the wearer, you could be pulled down into the water and drown in the train. I had all these ideas for the trim being foamy looking and the roar of falling water if you listened closely. But I thought to feel around in that space. First, I really liked it, but when I threw out half a dozen ideas to see what got people excited, the waterfall cloak never topped the list. So I did some research. Superstar voters tend to like gritty stuff. So I started thinking about swamps and brackish water. I thought the look might be too clean so I thought about muddy or mossy water. And I thought the cloak being an active item that pulled opponents into it was bad design, so I went for something that was more passive and defensive. The final version was much different than the first, and I...
This is awesome advice, and thanks for sharing about the original idea of the quicksand cloak. One of the things I learned in my creative writing classes is you can't be afraid to throw out your favorite part of something if it doesn't fit the final project. It doesn't mean that idea or concept is gone forever, it just means it doesn't fit with the current thing you are doing. Save that idea for later and focus on the whole that you have created now. I think a lot of the SAK's we see are cases where someone had an idea, added to it..found that was better but could't let go of the first idea.
Whew I, the world's slowest reader, have finally put a dot on all 32 Top 32. Now I shall endeavor to seek some feedback. I shall give feedback over the course of the next few months (and longer if you want :)
Clipper Clasp Aura faint evocation; CL 2nd
Slot none; Price 2,400 gp; Weight --
Description
Energy flashes across this heavy silver buckle engraved with waves of fire. An engraved clipper under a full sail rides across its surface.
The clipper clasp must be attached to a cloak or resistance of +2 or greater to properly function. When the wearer successfully saves against certain magical effects she may open the cloak to catch the energy and ride it to its edge. Only elemental energy (acid, cold, electric or fire) can be ridden this way. Any spell, spell-like or supernatural ability that affects an area can carry the wearer. She moves directly away from the energy’s source 5 feet +5 feet for every bonus of the cloak. The wearer may ‘tack’ the cloak like a sail and change her direction 45 degrees by succeeding on a DC 15 Acrobatics or Fly check. This movement does not provoke attacks of opportunity. Should she make it out of the affected area the wearer takes no damage, but is staggered for one round.
A character with evasion does not gain the staggered condition and may tack the cloak for more than 45 degrees by spending 5 feet of movement.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hydraulic push; Cost 1,200 gp
Cylinder of the Lights of the First WorldI saw this item several time during the vote and to be honest I don't think I ever gave it an up vote...
Thank you, for your response.
I was also seeing it have some functionality to allow for some form of tracking. But on your advice perhaps it could have been more "wondrous."
Stone of Elemental BloodCongrats on your Item making it into the Top 100. I only saw your Item a few times while voting, but I did vote for it each time. It was one of the few Items dealing with blood that I liked. It is a very creative way to gain a little extra umph from slaying creatures with a subtype.
Thanks for the vote of confidence Andrew, glad you liked the item! I'll definitely be taking on board this year's feedback in preparation for next year. One correction, it didn't make the Top 100 (unless I've looked at the wrong list!).
Band of the Undying Bond
I read Neil's post and I can see where you are coming from but central word in that discussion, even though it wasn't mentioned, is safety.
Casting from a save location versus casting through your familiar.
It is all about danger and risk, and your item risks the familiar, which is good and avoids Neil's entire post and points.
I can appreciate the item's tactical coolness and usability, but you still have to wow me, it doesn't.
Your item isn't broken, over-powered, it's just bland. Apply mojo!
Regarding hyperlinking: Your design should stand on its own, if you need to hyperlink you may be creating a SIAC or your item is not clear enough.....
I think that is the reason I don't do it or will, it can be a design putfall.
Thanks for the vote of confidence Andrew, glad you liked the item! I'll definitely be taking on board this year's feedback in preparation for next year. One correction, it didn't make the Top 100 (unless I've looked at the wrong list!).
My Bad, I swore I saw it on the list, well I think it was good enough too and I am sorry that others didn't see the same thing. I know from conversations outside of these boards others liked it as well.
Water Rat Pouch
Not the best name. In reading the name I assume that it is some sort of bag for carrying equipment, or perhaps a "bag of tricks" type of item that gives you rats or rat swarms, and has something to do with water. In reading the item, it does something with water, but it does neither of the other two, so perhaps a different name would have served it better.
You have pointed out the mistake in focusing your Golarion tie in too tightly. I agree that it would have been better if you just left off the River Kingdom's reference.
To sum up your item, it is a bag that when thrown at a someone, sits on their face and begins to drown them. That is not uncool. It has a creepy Aliens Facehugger feel to it. It basically gives your target a clock equal to double their Con score to get it off, or drown. And for each action the character takes, it speeds up the clock by one round. Removing the bag is difficult, but not terribly. It hampers spell-casting, but doesn't shut it down. I actually think that it is fairly balanced at its caster level, but it seems more like an item that should be at a lower caster level or be a consumable or something. I think it feels like this to me, because there are more powerful and flashier effects at CL 11. Of course at a lower CL the removal requirements would have to be lowered proportionally.
I'm not sure it was intentional, but this item appears to be able to allow an aquatic creature to breath water outside of water. That is pretty cool, but they would have to be willing to walk around with a rat's rear end on its face.
That leads me to the theme problems. It has been pointed out by others that this item's theme is a little bit left-field. I think it would have been served tremendously better if the them was an aquatic animal rather than a rat. Sure, rats often live near water and are accomplished swimmers, but I think a jellyfish or an octopus theme would have been more logical. Of course the tie in to Hanspur would need changed, but this would have highlighted the "water breathing mask" element as well. Of course you might have not even considered that use. I'm not sure.
Mechanically, your items is pretty tight. I would have put the line about spell-casting in the first mechanics paragraph, but other than that it is good. The two-handed weapon and aiding character thing makes well enough sense. It is well written and well organized and I see no template problems besides the slot should be "none." I usually give a pass to this, because this particular thing has changed several times in the years since Pathfinder has been released. You put your item name in the mechanics and remembered to lowercase and italicize that. That is one most get wrong the first time.
And in communicating with you over PM you told me that this is your first year entering. You are way ahead of most first time entrants. Seriously, this is about 80 or 90% superstar. Keep up the good work, watch the theme issues, good luck next year.
It is all about danger and risk, and your item risks the familiar, which is good and avoids Neil's entire post and points.
Your item isn't broken, over-powered, it's just bland. Apply mojo!
Regarding hyperlinking: Your design should stand on its own, if you need to hyperlink you may be creating a SIAC or your item is not clear enough.....
I think that is the reason I don't do it or will, it can be a design putfall.
You are right of course. One of the balances I tried to put into the item was by making you risk your familiar and this was one consideration I used in making the odd creation requirement. The character who would make this item actually uses their familiar and it just doesn't sit in their pocket for its rare appearance. They risk their familiar and in a way that risk is rewarded by being able to create one of these items for their next familiar. But as one of my reviewers pointed out, story requirements should be a no-no. And I think he was right.
And I see that it was too bland, and the coolness was hidden. I won't make that mistake again. Lesson learned.
And again on hyperlinking. It is not a consideration when designing an item. It is just something you do before submitting to make the rules involved easy to reference. I didn't set out to use a spell-in-a-can because I could hyperlink it. I didn't set out to add a spell-in-a-can to my item at all. I came up with the idea to see through your familiar's eyes and cast a spell remotely through it. In researching for spell requirements, I found the Share Sight spell, and instead of reinventing it I decided to use the spell, but limit it to sight like my original concept. I could have NOT used the spell in the mechanics, but then I would have still have had to put it in the spell requirements because it was just too obvious. Someone would have said "why didn't you use Share Senses?" If hyperlinking wasn't available, it would not have changed my item at all.
RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9
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Clipper Clasp
Another item I enjoyed alot! I voted for this item a lot, but a few of the design choices were questionable.
I didn't like how it had to be attached to a cloak or resistance, the presentation of how the item works needs finessed, and the staggered condition at the end make it less useful. Your choice of spell was odd, I would have gone with resist energy and glide. Cost is hard to determine for this item, but I suspect it is too low since the cloak allows additional movement and a smart team would use the cloak to push melee characters into battle if used correctly.
This is one of the few items this year I am rewriting for my home game.
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RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9
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Ersatz Twin
This item was WAAAAY over wordcount, so no one would have seen it in voting. By forgetting the rules, you show you are not serious about the contest, so I won't waste alot of my time on your item. But I will give you a big pointer for next year. Also after the contest there is a thread where people post items to improve on their skills.
Read this before submitting again. Breaks rules 1, 3, & 10 without being a #27.
Dedicated Voter Season 7
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I'm embarrassed to post this considering how bad my memory of the rules was by the time I got around to making my submission. It was only several days later I realized how badly I had messed it up. But rather than focus on that, I figure I might as well get some feedback on the concept itself.
Ersatz Twin
Aura varies; CL varies
Slot none; Price 750 (lesser), 1,400 (standard), 3,800 (greater); Weight 1 lbs.Description
These dolls are often crude imitations of humans made from dark wood or clay. Even the originals weren't much to look at. While they do glow under a detect magic spell, they can't actually do anything without some piece of a living being, typically a clipping of hair or a drop of blood. With that the doll can be transformed into an imitation of the person or animal the hair or blood was taken from.
This imitation is solid but doesn't do much besides stand in place mimicking whatever the person it's imitating would do while waiting. It will attempt to return to its starting place if forced away, though any amount of damage will destroy it. Most observers would think an actual person was there at first glance, but the lack of any awareness will quickly give the illusion away once someone starts to interact with it. This copy lasts for 1 minute before dissolving into a shadowy smoke.
The original dolls were created by Eges, an adventuring illusionist, as a means for him and his teammates to easily create a distraction, and they served that function quite well. However, once others started making and selling the dolls, a few more unscrupulous people found other uses for them, so some enchanters made a lesser version that can only be activated by the donor of the hair or blood used.
On the other hand, some enchanters made a few greater versions of the dolls. These greater dolls retain the memories and mannerisms of the donor. The person that activates the doll has no special control over it but it does begin with a Helpful...
As far as concept goes, this does look to be Simacrulum [sic] or another illusion in a can. On first read, I don't see a difference between the versions beyond "greater has memories, and lasts an hour instead of a minute". So what does the moderate version do that justifies a third version?
The Greater version is likely the item worth submiting. It starts as helpful towards the "creator", lasts long enough to be a distraction during a heist, and still retains the balancing factor of it just dissappears. It might be a little underpriced though for something that basically lets someone interrogate someone else starting at "friendly" for the low low price of a clipping or a drop of blood. I can see this being used more by villains than PCs.
One more note - since the dolls don't do much other than wait where they were created, it might be worth noting that they are capable of answering questions (or that they aren't!). It seems odd that you could create something with a helpful attitude that couldn't respond with speach.
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Dedicated Voter Season 7
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Wow this thread grew fast... I am going to post my item to get it out there, and then do my best to go back through and offer my thoughts on others that are in here. This looks like it will take a while to catch up and keep up with though...
The Jester’s Drinking Buddy
Aura moderate conjuration CL 11th
Slot none; Price 55,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.Description
This rough-hewn, lifeless wooden figure stands approximately 8 inches tall and has no distinctive features prior to activation. Upon activation the figure animates and becomes a striking effigy to the user, even to their most subtle features and quirks. The small figure mimics the user’s mannerisms and will walk, run, or cling to the user in such a way that they will always remain in the same square. It is not sentient, cannot respond to commands, and is never an aid or hindrance to any actions taken by the user, his allies, or his enemies.
Any time the user can make a Fortitude save to prevent some or all of an effect (damage, conditions, afflictions, etc.) he can choose to forgo the roll and instead transfer that effect to the jester’s drinking buddy. The jester’s drinking buddy cannot make a save attempt to avoid the effect. All visible symptoms of the transferred effect are displayed upon the jester’s drinking buddy, i.e. the figure falls unconscious from Drow Poison, displays lesions from Leprosy, or when inebriated, stumbles ungracefully and makes lewd gestures.
There is no limit to the amount of effects that can be transferred. The user suffers no ill effects, however if the cumulative result of the active transferred effects would be sufficient to kill the user, the jester’s drinking buddy dies vicariously and permanently ceases to function. The jester’s drinking buddy recovers from the effects at the same rate the user would, and the recovery process cannot be expedited through magical means.
Construction
Requirements...
This was on my "didn't like" list. The flavor is great, the idea is even funny to the point that I almost like it. The problem is it makes the user immune to any effect requiring a fortitude save. The only things that can kill it are spells that do HP damage (and likely multiple of them unless it's disintegrate), instakill efects, and Constitution damage "sufficient to kill the user". Any ammount of Str Dex or mental ability score poison would not kill the user, so the drinking budy woul have a horrific look on its face but not be destroyed. Diseases would likely eventually kill it, but those are rare and slow enough to not really be a concern until after the fact.
Easy fix here is to have a better cap on how many conditions render the drinking buddy unusable or otherwise destroyed, or how many poisons and diseases it can handle.
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Dedicated Voter Season 7
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Clipper Clasp
I liked this. The idea of going with the Fireball is a neat one. The fact that it works with another item might hurt it a little though.
One other thing to note here would be the last bit about spending movement. It should note that the movement counts against their movement on their next turn, or otherwise take the language from the "Step Up" feat (or something better).
Liked: The flavor is pretty cool and ties to some mythology. You are ambitious for dealing with Mythic rules. Your template use is not bad either, though you do not need to italicize when not using the full name of the item.
Disliked: It's an expensive expendable item that's mostly useless unless you're a non-mythic character with a mythic magic.
What I'd do differently: I would clean up the mechanics and not make it consumable.
Overall: I am not a fan of this item. It's too niche and does too little.
Liked: Creepy yet fascinating! It's a weird item and practical item that tries not to be too gross. Its mechanics are useful and make sense.
Disliked: While the price is right (cost of a greater darkvision spell), this is a really expensive item. I also do not like that the bracer cannot be removed when you're using someone else's eyes. Instead, I think you could have found another way to prevent abuse. Also, a GM might not like an item that lets you "cheat" your racial traits.
What I'd do differently: I would make it an item that requires a 24 hour attunement and taking off the bracer automatically swaps your eyes to normal.
Overall: I really liked this item. I think most PCs would be too creeped out to wear it, but I can see someone using this to get cool raptor eyes.
Liked: This is a really fun idea and something one of my players would absolutely love having. I also personally love the idea of magic items that attach to other items, like the slate spider. The template work looks flawless (except for a typo), though I do wonder why the caster level is 2.
Disliked: It's completely useless unless you have another, specific magic item. That's a fatal flaw and cheats the item slot system. I also dislike that the movement can completely negate the damage without any check. Since the item has unlimited use, a character can abuse this item to negate any burst attack, even if he fails his save. In addition, the name misleads the item's function in favor of describing its form. Why is it called "clipper clasp aura" when it has nothing to do with grabbing and auras? With this kind of evocative effect, you could have called it something that intrigues like "cape of explosive escape."
What I'd do differently: I would make this a modified cloak of resistance (similar to how a bag of concealment is a modified bag of holding) rather than an attachment for one. I would also still require the wearer make saves against the effect as normal.
Overall: I consistently voted against this item unless its competition had serious flaws. No PC would ever want an item that doesn't work unless you already have a specific other item. It depresses me because your writing is good and you had a very awesome idea here. I personally want to create an alternate version of this cloak for my campaign.
Liked: I love the flavor and visuals of this item. The item also has decent writing and formatting.
Disliked: It's an amulet of natural armor +2 with endure elements and a skill penalty. In addition, it uses up the headband slot. No one would wear this over an item like headband of vast intelligence. There's also some formatting style problems (you should not capitalize magic item names in the text).
What I'd do differently: I would have the item let you do interesting things with the hair, like turn into foilage so you can blend into the environment, walk through trees, use them like tentacles, or even add some more animalistic features to your form.
Overall: There's simply not enough mechanics to this item. The flavor did win a few votes from me.
Liked: Fun visuals that match the function of the item of protecting you with concealment.
Disliked: It's a monster in a can. You could have simply referenced the distraction universal monster rule, which would have saved you on word count. I also agree that a 20 foot radius concealment that you can see through is very powerful. It's why the ability to see through smoke and fog is difficult to come by. The price offsets this advantage a bit.
What I'd do differently: I personally would have made the butterflies an illusion where an individual that saves against the distraction can also make a Will save to disbelief it. This would tone down the power level, possibly lower the price, and explain why you and your allies can see through the butterflies.
Overall: Simple item, useful item saved by good visuals. I voted for this more often than not, and it got you in the top 100. Not bad for a first year!
Liked: Solid writing, solid mechanics, solid template use, solid formatting
Disliked: I find the visuals and flavor very unsavory. In addition, the mechanics are not really magical in nature, with exception to the bleed effect. You could accomplish the same thing with a normal sword covered in blood using the dirty trick maneuver.
What I'd do differently: I would tone down the unheroics and make the item do something actually magical in nature, like having some special effect when the sheathe tastes an enemy's blood.
Overall: I really, really disliked this item. A sheath that sprays blood in people's eyes strikes me as too unheroic and mundane for my tastes. However, I ended up voting for it because the writing was often much better than competing items. With a better concept, you would have a strong entry for top 32. I'm certain you will next year.
Somen Mask- Thank you for your feedback.. Gotta work on the draw in for the item more. Agreed.. seems to be the common advice theme.
Thanks again~
Owner - D20 Hobbies
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Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8
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Hand of the Monkey - 152 Words
Hand of the Monkey
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot Hands; Price 12,800 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
These open hand gloves are made of the fur of a simian. The wearer gains additional benefits when taking the form of a ape, monkey, primate or simian with a polymorph spell or effect such as wild shape. He may speak one language except Common that he is capable of speaking and he may manipulate objects with the form's limbs as well as his normal limbs. If the wearer has levels in monk, he may add half the levels in the class providing the polymorph spell or effect to his monk level to determine the effective monk level for unarmed damage. This does not stack with any other effect that increases your effective monk level for unarmed damage or effects that increase your size.
Construction
Requirements polymorph or wild shape ability; Cost 6,400 gp
I didn't make top 100, and I'm aware of a grammar error in "a ape, monkey, primate" where I reordered the list alphabetically at the last second and missed changing "a" to "an".
I tried to make it clear by the rules, but that doesn't seem to be what people preferred based on the top 100.
Fourth Page Critiques:
Astral Spike
Thanks for the critique. I didn't think it did lots of different things though. Basically, it punishes teleporters and other astral travelers, including summoned beasties. Would it have been better if it just halted teleporters? Or would that be too vanilla?
I made this item because I hate it when the bad guy escapes! I wanted to make an item that punishes BBEGs that try to teleport so they can fight another day.
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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Clipper Clasp
I think I only saw this once. I liked the idea, but there were a few things that kept me from fully supporting it. The need to be paired with another item was an interesting work around the "do I buy this, or that" conundrum, but I could see the voters having an issue with it. I wasn't fond of the draw back of being staggered for one round if you reached the end of the area of effect of the spell.
I did love the sailing flavor, though, and could see using this in a home campaign with pirates or other sea based themes.
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Hey all- I know I'm doing this pretty late, but any feedback would be appreciated. I made it into the top 100, so I feel decent about that. I had a few concerns about this item, so I'll be interested to see if they match up with what others thought. Thanks in advance for any feedback.
Boulder Thrower’s Kit
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot hands; Price 69,500 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This kit consists of a belt pouch and a matching, oversized glove, both sewn from the skin of a hill giant. Without both items, the magic of the kit is useless. Up to 10 small rocks can be placed into the belt pouch. Thereafter, when a rock is drawn from the bag using the glove, it can then be thrown as a ranged attack with a range increment of 20 feet. After being released from the glove, the rock rapidly grows to the size of a boulder, such as those thrown by giants. If it strikes its target, it inflicts 1d8+10 damage.
Alternatively, if the bearer of the kit is targeted by a thrown rock attack, the bearer can attempt to catch the boulder, shrinking it down to a small rock, which can then be placed into the pouch for later use. Doing so requires a DC 15 Reflex save. A failed attempt to catch a boulder grants the attack a +4 bonus to hit the bearer.
Rocks altered by the magic of the pouch are permanently changed. The magic has no affect on stone that has been crafted, such as brickwork. Other items placed into the pouch are unaffected. At the start of any day, if there are rocks available, the amount in the pouch can be replenished up to the maximum of 10. The glove is unwieldy, so any weapon attacks or skill checks made with the gloved hand suffer a -4 penalty. Removing the glove is a move action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bull’s strength, stone shape, creator must have 5 ranks in the Craft (leather) skill; Cost 34,750 gp
Liked: I like animal themed items. The open palm is a nice touch.
Disliked: The item is really expensive for giving very mild benefits that only work when wildshaped or polymorphed into a specific animal. I suppose using your tail (if you have one) is nice, but I'd rather have a monkey belt for that. The monk levels bonus provides the best benefit of the item. However, since the item deliberately does not stack with monk robes, any monk would rather have monk robes instead, which is roughly the same price. In addition, the item lacks flavor and visuals. You also forgot Craft Wondrous Item in the construction requirements. I'm surprised that did not get you disqualified.
What I'd do differently: I would have taken one of the benefits (use of limbs or monk bonus) and gone all the way with it. Add mechanics about using your feet to wield weapons and have it work even when not wild shaped. Something exciting and interesting!
Overall: RPG Superstar isn't about playing it safe. It's about showing your creativity and skill as a game designer. A superstar can take a fun design risk and execute it in a way that doesn't break the game. Hand of the monkey's effects are passive and don't work unless the wearer can shapeshift into a monkey. This doesn't strike me as superstar quality, and likely other voters felt the same way.
Water Rat Pouch
Thank you for the thoughtful critique Nickolas, and I'm glad you thought at least some of it was well thought out. The original idea was to make a drowning themed item and to reference Hanspur, who is a minor god in the River Kingdoms with a penchant for drowning people. His nickname is the Water Rat, and that is also his symbol and holy animal, hence the name for the item. Yet again, my Golarion tie in steered me wrong, because most people probably didn't know any of that. Doing such an explicit tie in likely alienates a section of your audience, and doing an obscure tie in like Hanspur even more so. Lesson learned.
The facehugger feel was on purpose, I thought it would be creepy and cool. The reviews however show that most didn't like this flavor at all. Plenty of pathfinder stuff is creepy, and there have certainly been some creepy items that made it to the top 32 in previous years so it's hard to say exactly what to learn from that. I suppose you could make a rule that says don't be too creepy with the caveat that you can break this rule as long as your item blows people away. Lesson 2.
The last lesson I learned was from GM_Solspiral. Mechanics aren't the only thing to consider when trying to balance an item. I think that from a mechanics only standpoint this item is fairly balanced for it's price. I compared it to various figurines of wondrous power before settling on 10k. NPCs could easily ignore the water rat pouch during most fights before they ran out of breath, and only casters would be affected during battle. But as Solspiral pointed out to me in a PM, any GM worth his salt would probably have NPCs focus on getting the pouch off of their face and ignore the PCs because drowning is terrifying (and so is having an animated rat butt on your face). So even though the mechanics aren't overpowered, the flavor of the item might be.
Thanks to everyone who read, voted on, and critiqued my item, especially Nick for going so in depth. The experience taught me a lot, and I hope other people can learn from my mistakes also.
Bloody Sheath of the Bravo
I don't really care that there were a lot of "blood" items in the competition this year. Blood is a bit icky and does give me an initial negative reaction, but if it is done well, even that gets a pass. At least it is not one of the ones that uses the user's blood to power the magic as those seldom have any interest for me.
The name has one issue with me. Magic item names should either begin or end with the what the object is. This is true of 90% or more of magic items published by Paizo in hard cover books. This being the case your name should have been Sheath of the Bloody Bravo, or Bloody Bravo's Sheath. You could write the latter as "Sheath, Bloody Bravo's" if you want. I personally would do that in either the entry name field or in the body text name line (probably body) if my item name did not start with what the object it is.
Ok description. The next line should have been nixed as has been pointed out.
I really question using the term "bravo" in place or "user", "owner", or even "wielder." I actually did a search to see if you were referring to an archetype or something in the game. The only mention I found was some swashbuckling generic NPCs in the NPC Codex. What if the character who is using this item is not a bravo or even a swashbuckler-like character. You said that it can fit anything from a dagger to a greatsword. So if the wizard keeps his dagger in it or the barbarian uses it with his great sword, are they now dubbed a "bravo." It just seems weird and almost seems like you are inventing a game term or something. It should use a generic term to refer to the person using the item.
So using either ability is a swift action, but I had to wait until the end of the mechanics to see this. Personally I feel that the action that it takes to activate an ability should come at the beginning of the ability. There are exceptions to this, such as if the ability is very short, but waiting until the end of two abilities to see what action types they are seems wrong to me. I appreciate that you wanted to address the action of both abilities only once, but I have to feel there was a better way to do this. Also, it seems weird that it says "Either action counts as the bravo’s swift action for the current round." It isn't a swift action, but "counts as the character's swift action?" That's just odd and I don't think its correct rules language.
The theme is a bit difficult for me to digest. Yes, some swashbucklers do use less than fair tactics in their sword fights so I get that part of it. But I'm not really feeling the blood aspect. I get that swords get blood on them, but I can't picture a swashbuckler flinging gore at someone as part of his tactics. Blood just seems wrong for a swashbuckling character. A barbarian maybe, or a cut throat rogue, but not a skilled dexterity based swordsman with a thin, puncturing weapon.
The demoralize ability, though thematic with the blood theme, also doesn't seem swashbuckly to me in the way it is presented. Demoralizing is themed toward swashbucklers surely, but it should be due to their quickness and dexterity based prowess with a sword and not about how much gore they can present. Also, it has some major similarities to to several feats and at least one spell. Dazzling Display does this as a full-round action, and to me, its theme is much more along the lines of a bravo. Doing it as a swift action breaks action economy too much and makes a more thematically fitting feat, obsolete. And I don't think that is good.
The last ability just duplicates a 0-level spell and does seem a little superfluous. I do like this effect on the sheathing of a weapon at the end of combat, but I also don't think it is well themed to a swashbuckler. It just helps to execute an opponent that is already incapacitated (usually), and that doesn't seem like something a bravo would do, even one who is a little less than honorable in fight. Also, the rules language here is a bit loose, though it is understandable. Is this also a swift action, cause it doesn't say?
As I have pointed out in some of the other reviews I have done this year, sheaths, quivers, and weapon adornment items are often a way to submit what would have been a magic weapon if the rules of the contest allowed for them. Is this one of them? It might be. I think it would have been better served as a rapier. It would have at least helped the "bravo" theme. It doesn't mean that I think you designed it as a magic weapon and shoehorned it into a wondrous item, but you have to be doubly careful when designing such items, so it doesn't appear that you may have.
And finally, you should have hyperlinked the spell requirements. :P
Seriously though, the Bloody Sheath of the Bravo is not a bad item. I feel it was miss themed to some extent and there are some problems with the wording, and maybe action economy, but overall it is a top 3rd item. Your last years Sash of the Salty Seas was a lot better in my opinion, both in language and in theme. I hope this feedback helps. Good luck next year and maybe we can meet up in the guild hall again some time.
This was on my "didn't like" list. The flavor is great, the idea is even funny to the point that I almost like it. The problem is it makes the user immune to any effect requiring a fortitude save. The only things that can kill it are spells that do HP damage (and likely multiple of them unless it's disintegrate), instakill efects, and Constitution damage "sufficient to kill the user". Any ammount of Str Dex or mental ability score poison would not kill the user, so the drinking budy woul have a horrific look on its face but not be destroyed. Diseases would likely eventually kill it, but those are rare and slow enough to not really be a concern until after the fact.
Easy fix here is to have a better cap on how many conditions render the drinking buddy unusable or otherwise destroyed, or how many poisons and diseases it can handle.
Thanks for the feedback MrCab! There is definitely a strong theme to what people think about my item. Everyone seems to love the imagery, but hates the OP effect. I could try to argue the points of just how OP, but it wouldn't really serve a purpose. I am very grateful to hear everyone's thoughts, and I believe I have a good handle on where I need to go from here. Thanks for your time!
Bloody Sheath of the Bravo
bra·vo 2 (brä′vō)
n. pl.bra·voes or bra·vosA villain, especially a hired killer.
Favored by daring swordsmen of dubious character,
So I tell you what a bravo is, but people don't listen.....
So I didn't envision the sheath for swashbucklers, I envisioned it for bastards.... ;->
First name I thought of was Bravos Bloody Sheath, but that could be considered identifying an item by an author so I decided against it.
Maybe I should have spelled it out, but drawing a blade is its own action and the powers enhance that action, this makes it in my mind new and nifty.
Maybe I should have dropped the blood, or drop the bravo term.
Sheathing a blade is a move action, should have mentioned that too.
So bottomline:
Don't use terms that people don't know
Spell it out (the reader cannot read my mind ;>)
Blood is awesome cool, but not for everyone ;>
I used to know these things, or maybe I shouldn't fall in love with my item ;>
Tenth Page Critiques:
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Really, when I told my friends about my item they said:
- Hey, they might say you're watching too much hentai.In creation I did not think about it, just the visual effect of some villains using against players in a lake or something like that.
Thanks for the feedback.
Third Page Critiques:
Orb of Supplicants' Shadows:
Interesting Mythic device with some very cool imagery. I liked this one a good deal, but it suffers from requiring a shadow-templated simulacrum of each creature used in this device. That’s an awful lot of paperwork to run it.
Thank you for the feedback.
Bloody Sheath of the Bravo[i]bra·vo 2 (brä′vō)
n. pl.bra·voes or bra·vos
A villain, especially a hired killer.
You are right. I stand corrected. I swear I googled it and didn't see a noun definition at all, but I google it now and there it is. Maybe I didn't expand it the first time. I searched in the SRD before posting and it comes up with thieves guild bravos and the daring bravo gnome rapier wielding fighter, and the feisty hotspur halfling rapier wielding duelist. And I had my own beliefs that a bravo was a accomplished, swashbuckling swordsman and that was wrong. The "daring swordsman" part of you item reinforced this misconception in my mind.
But you are right, that is not the definition, if you posted it here on the forums earlier, I'm sorry I missed it. I read all the reviews marked in the thread tracker and didn't see it there, but I didn't read through posts that were not listed.
I know sheathing a weapon is a move action, but you should either state that it doesn't cost can action or identify what kind of action it is. If you don't want it to cost a significant action, the easiest way is to say it a free action so there is no confusion. And anytime you make an effect free, or swift, or immediate, you have to know that many will cry foul for breaking the action economy rule. I don't have a problem with the bleed effect being free as it is minor and very situational. I have only a slight objection to the blood glob being swift. Though it is more powerful, it is probably fine for a magic item ability at this level. The big one is demoralizing effect, which other abilities have as a full-round action, or a standard action at higher level.
And you should ALWAYS fall in love with your item.
Just out of curiosity, was the Bravos identity you were thinking of the country of Braavos in the Song of Ice and Fire, or another identity?
Thanks all who commented on my item (Dead Jester's Cap). I appreciate the feedback!
Dwarven Songwood
This is one of the items I critiqued in PMs with someone who sent me their list of favorite items from the voting. It is easy for me to just copy the text from that message and post it. Here is the text from that message:
This is a cool item with several loosely related abilities. It is definitely a consumable that low level PCs would want to have on an orc or goblin related mission. I really like it and wouldn’t be surprised to see it in the top 32.
And it made the top 100, so I wasn't too far off. There are some things I don't like and I can comment on, but it is mostly minor things. Note that I haven't read the other critiques to see if things have already been mentioned.
The Craft (weapons) line is a little weird. It makes me want to check the crafting rules to see if it specifically mentions "tempering" or "hardening" blades. It should have been written in more generic game terms. I think the sentence that says "can be hardened" is the culprit. It should have just said that blades can be "augmented" or "enhanced" with a Craft check, and then continue with the next few sentences that describe this. 60 feet is a pretty big range for the bardic performance related ability. Most bardic performance abilities have a range of 30 feet, and I think I would have limited it to that, or just say "within range of a bardic performance." This ability is pretty powerful if there is a bard in the party, but I'm for making bards more valuable. That's about it. It is pretty cool, and solidly done, but does not have a great deal of wow factor in its execution. I like the singing log theme, and think it is the best part of the item, though I could see how some might think it silly. Anyway, keep up the good work and good luck next year.
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Bullet-Catching Duster
So...the first few sentences repeat each other, which will tempt voters to pass on the rest. The duster adds a point of grit, but doesn't increase a gunslinger's maximum grit, so the duster is useful for that feature only on the day it's found. The next ability is only useful for one archetype. I know there are wondrous items useful for a specific archetype or a specific rogue trick or rage power, but I don't think of them as great design. There's space for those things in the wondrous items section of books, but maybe not in RPG Superstar. In your next attempts, or as you work in the Blazing 9 to hone your skills, avoid niches, and make sure your designs don't provide abilities characters can't really use.
Bloody Sheath of the Bravo[i]bra·vo 2 (brä′vō)
n. pl.bra·voes or bra·vos
A villain, especially a hired killer.Just out of curiosity, was the Bravos identity you were thinking of the country of Braavos in the Song of Ice and Fire, or another identity?
At first it was the Bloody Sheath, but that didn't work, so my mind wandered and hit upon Bravo (maybe some SoIaF spark there), googled and thesaurus-ed it (and checked PRD) and it was the term I wanted and the item needed.
Sixth Page Critiques: ...
Lens of Forceful Concordance
The visual image here is quite striking and very unique. My problem with this item is why would anyone want to do this? Fitting a large number of people into one square doesn’t seem to have many uses. It’s not a combat effect, and I can’t think of what use it would be outside of combat either. This item needed a better explanation so we could see what it was actually intended for.
Thanks for the reply, I feared as much.
Though this item has multiple combat uses: Pull opponents into a Black Tentacles, affect them all with a single target spell like Flesh to Stone, line them up for a maximised Fireball. Provide flanking to all targets while preventing them from moving. The combat uses of this item are manifold, but I obviously put too much trust in the imagination of many voters as my explanation was lacking. I guess I buried my key sentence ("if one target is affected by a spell or effect, all of them are").
The item works defensively as well. Buff yourself and have all allies receive your buff. Rescue allies from bad positions by teleporting them to another square.
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At first it was the Bloody Sheath...
Your item was the only sheath/scabbard/weapon storage thingy that I actually liked and upvoted because the effect was nice and fitting and not some lackluster "blade gets fiery when drawn".
Fourth Page Critiques:
Astral Spike
Thanks for the critique. I didn't think it did lots of different things though. Basically, it punishes teleporters and other astral travelers, including summoned beasties. Would it have been better if it just halted teleporters? Or would that be too vanilla?
I made this item because I hate it when the bad guy escapes! I wanted to make an item that punishes BBEGs that try to teleport so they can fight another day.
Halting teleporters, if the visual effect of doing so is cool, could have worked fine. Teleport is used by lots of parties in higher levels as a combat strategy, so this would have been useful item for bad guys as well.
Looks like I'm late to the party!
Bone Snatcher Bracelet
I saw your item several times while voting, I did vote for it a bunch but there were Items that I liked better so you didn't always get my vote.
I liked the idea behind this item, I could see making a female villain to ware it and thwart my PC's with her. However I think the first paragraph could be more clearly written..controlled vs uncontrolled I get what you going for but it took a second pass. I like that the undead get a chance to break free, but I think every hour is a bit much. At our game table we would forget, or we when we burn several hours to do a new scene it would bog us done to have that player roll x times and possibly have to do several short combats. As a DM I wouldn't like that. I also am not a fan of the bracelets limit being tied to the wears HD, it works for saying that a character can not capture an undead more powerful than them but I think just a set limit of creatures would be better and make your design tighter. Also the variable DC to break free/avoid capture adds work for the players and DM. A set DC would make this item easer to use at the table.
I liked the idea and might possibly use it in an upcoming campaign thanks for sharing it with us, King Tius and I look forward to seeing what you give us next year.
Twelfth Page Critiques:
Twelfth Page Critiques:
Boulder Thrower's Kit...
Thanks, Feros! I kind of wanted it to be a bit of a choice to use this item or a weapon without being able to simply switch back and forth at will, but perhaps the penalty was too harsh.
Glad that you liked it though...I saw some of your commentson single glove items in the incessant ramble thread and got a little nervous.
Twelfth Page Critiques:
Boulder Thrower's Kit...
Thanks, Feros! I kind of wanted it to be a bit of a choice to use this item or a weapon without being able to simply switch back and forth at will, but perhaps the penalty was too harsh.
Glad that you liked it though...I saw some of your commentson single glove items in the incessant ramble thread and got a little nervous.
LOL! I said lots of stuff there to blow off steam and share some observations with other heavy voters. There were items that I up-voted a lot that had themes that bothered me overall. That thread is not a critique thread and by definition couldn't be as we could not identify the items we were ranting about.
That's one of the reasons I loved the idea of the Incessant Praise thread. It allowed us to give hope to those who were a little nervous.