Right now, I'm running a campaign with a goblin Rogue NPC who is a part of the party. As gobbies go, he's a bit of a nerd and can read, although he's very hush hush about it. I've been playing him akin to the 3 Stooges on a sugary caffineated soda pop rampage with a pyromaniac bent (and occasional cannibalistic urges).
Anyway, the evil little monkey has an ungodly high Stealth skill, Goblin Foolhardiness, and Advantageous Distraction as traits. His Disable Device, Acrobatics, Sleight of Hand, and Escape Artist skills are pretty good as well.
What I want to know is, what kind of demented loony behavior would you suggest that could get the players to laugh? Gimme some jokes and stunts he might be able to pull off that'd crack up the players.
Please tell me he has Craft: Alchemy and Craft:Traps.
Because Disable Device and the ability to make traps and itching/sneezing powder screams to be used.
For some reason, I want him to make jokes only requires a intense sadism to appreciate. Like the Joker's "magic trick" in the Dark Knight.
For some reason, I want him to make jokes only requires a intense sadism to appreciate. Like the Joker's "magic trick" in the Dark Knight.
I was thinking the same thing.
What is his alignment?
Chaotic Neutral, aka Cheese Nacho.
Craft Alchemy, eh? Interesting idea. Now I just gotta come up with rules for those itching or sneezing powders... Problem is, trapmaking requires someone to step into them, and he's always exploring because they are dungeon crawling.
So far, I've been lifting jokes from 3 Stooges, Shrek, and anything particularly ludicrous. Then I add some crudity. I think last time he grabbed a chunk of a NPC who had exploded into a flaming animated skeleton, and had been noshing on it. Oh, and he was busy the first round when it happened, roasting marshmallows during the gruesome explosion scene. Was annoyed with the Fighter for squashing the skellie.
Or the time he fumbled a Heal check while trying to patch up the unconscious Cleric, tied a tourniquet around his neck to stop the bleeding. After the fight was over, the first thing they heard was this obnoxious choking sound wafting up from the Cleric....
When he first met the Sorcerer, he mugged him, scrambled up to the Fighter's head. The next thing the Fighter knew, odd bits of items were raining down his body, followed by the pack. He heard a "boring spoilsport mage!" shortly thereafter. Of course, the Sorcerer tried to grab Snap! immediately afterward, but got kicked in the groin and pantsed just as they got attacked by a pack of human thugs. Wonderful way to make a first impression, eh? The Fighter was laughing his orcish butt off.
Here, lemme save you the trouble of coming up with the rules yourself. ;)
This coarse yellowish-red powder is a splash weapon that causes uncontrollable sneezing for 1d4+1 rounds. Anyone standing in the square of impact must succeed at a DC 12 Fortitude save to resist the powder, while those in adjacent squares must make DC 8 Fortitude saves. Creatures affected by sneezing powder must make a DC 10 Fortitude save every round for the duration or be staggered until their next turn. This is a poison effect.
CONSTRUCTION REQUIREMENTSCraft (alchemy) DC 25.
This fine gray powder causes targets to suffer from uncontrollable itching until they spend at least 1 round washing it off. Throwing a packet of itching powder is a splash attack with a range increment of 10 feet. Anyone standing on the square of impact must succeed at a DC 12 Fortitude save to resist the powder, while those in adjacent squares must make a DC 8 Fortitude save. Creatures that fail the save take a –2 penalty on attack rolls, saving throws, skill checks, and ability checks until they wash the powder off. This is a poison effect.
CONSTRUCTION REQUIREMENTSCraft (alchemy) DC 25.
They both cost 60 GP to buy and weigh 2 pounds.
As for the trap, I was figuring more like "He rigs the trap to their backapack clasp or chest lock". Something similar to a Poisoned Quill Trap but less deadly.
Definately needs craft alchemy. Think of what fun he can have with simple items like tindertwigs. Slight of hand to slip one into the sorcerers boots, etc.
Wait, logically if you can disarm traps using Disable Device, couldn't you use Disable Device to MAKE traps?
Last game, he was told not to wipe out the guards, just to quietly take out the sleeping enemies in the tents. One of the guards was asleep, and he stopped to check one out. After the Fighter took out the guard, he noticed the guy had a big goofy mustache and goatee drawn on his face.. That slowed Fighter down a mite; he was busy laughing.
I think last night Snap! was sneaking into enemy tents to assassinate these dervishes (Arabian bandits), and fumbled a roll. Stepped back out of the tent, and pasted the guy with a alchemist's fire flask, setting the whole thing on fire. Immediately began roasting a chunk of an NPC he'd saved on the barby, as it were.
He DID manage to take out an enemy's horse without being noticed by said enemy while on a desert plain.. Immediately afterward, they saw a small green figure looting the saddlebags and gutting the horse (for pickling later). Annoyed the heck out of the Sorceress, who was looking forward to sniping with her heavy crossbow (kill stealer!). Got nailed hard by an animated chariot and charioteer once they got inside, though, to the Sorceress' delight.
Okay, Craft Alchemy it is, on the next level up.
I don't get the holy water one.
I was hoping more for goofy things I could do or say, rather than outright jokes. Sorta like 3 Stooges stunts. Thanks for trying though; I kinda like the bit about the LE chicken eggs.
I don't get the holy water one.
Think about it for just a second.
- Stealing Holy Symbols, while leaving a replacement behind from a diametrically opposed faith.
- Sabotaging everything. Door hinges, wagon wheels, chairs, portcullises, safety harnesses... everything.
- "Here, catch!"
- "I'm hungry. Do they sell children here? No? How about I steal one then?"
- "I wonder... is your robe flammable?"
glue a PC's boots to the floor with sovereign glue.
Replace your ranged type;s arrows with arrows with mini boxing gloves on them
Have him pull a half eaten rabbit out of his hat... then eat the other half
randomly point a PC and laugh hysterically. make them feel like he did something to them
then do something to that PC.
have him go around and ask about stealing a woman's virtue as if it were a tangible thing, then take offers for one.
What is tall, pinky, squishy, dead and gots a wooden handle pokin' outta it?
A long shank in a longshanks!
Owner - Johnny Scott Comics and Games
|
Here's a few ideas for you:
Flatulence. Perfectly timed flatulence. Goblins should have this down to an artform.
When someone extends a hand for the goblin to shake, have him bite it instead. After he's pried off, he says something like: "Yuk. Needs salt." Repeat with every stranger your party meets.
Pick a domesticated animal. Have the goblin either be deathly afraid of it, or treat it as his favorite food. Running from or chasing after something as innocuous as a housecat can lead to some funny moments. Could be even funnier if the animal is the familiar/companion of a party member.
Do any of your other PCs have an animal companion? If so, give one to your goblin - a flea. Have him consult it for advice, and sometimes send it in to battle in his stead.
Just play some Cards Against Humanity. I can't even repeat most of the cards on this forum. It will be inspiring.
Flaming bags of poo are always fun.
Sewing someone's backpack closed.
Putting the fighters hand in warm water while he is sleeping.
Poor honey on weapon hilts.
Whoopie cushions.
|
Try to get party's attention by standing and waving your arm frantically saying "I know, I know!" When they ask you what, say "Chicken Butt!" And laugh histerically.
Sing off tune, intentionally violently misworded Christmas songs - Silent Night becomes "Violent night! Who wants to fight?". Or use popular songs your group knows, as long as they know the tune and regular words. So they know when to groan.
Spend an unimportant fight only moving diagonally. Shout "Serpentine!" as you move your minature.
If you have the encumbrance to spare, key on a piece of miscellanery in the GM's description of the room. Immediately cut or rip it in half. Put half of it in a pouch. Say "save this half for later." Throw other half away.
- "I wonder... is your robe flammable?"
Nope, the Sorceress has a 5 fire resistance. Maybe I will change that to asking if its acid proof....
I so want to play one of these now. I wonder if my DM will allow me to swap out the fighter I created for his game...
RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32
|
"So a squirrel fell out of tree and caught fire and died. It is funny because it caught fire and died."
"Guess what, your pants are on fire."
"No seriously, your pants are on fire."
"This is funny because your pants are on fire.
"Now it is funny because the acid melted your hair off."
"Snack anyone? Don't worry, Phil here was very fresh when I killed him a week ago."
"What? You use an Elven Curve Blade? Oh man. Those are so no optimal. Fire. Fire is optimal."
"Got your nose! And it is tasty!"
"This may cause insanity, boils, scars, internal bleeding, vomiting, lack of sex life, and in most cases death. You should totally do this if you are pregnant, overweight, have back problems, or have a history of sucking at life."
I so want to play one of these now. I wonder if my DM will allow me to swap out the fighter I created for his game...
Yer gonna want the Goblins race booklet. I also have the ARG, but that's not as useful for getting the flavor of the race. There's a "We Be Goblins!" adventure, but it's really short and not as useful as the race booklet.
Oh, and given what I've learned about the race, the best way to imagine the lot of them is to watch a ton of 3 Stooges, toss in some black humor, and get them hopped up on lots of caffeinated sugar water, aka pop. Total lack of self control, no attention span to speak of, no fear, and a demented imagination dedicated to crazy stunts and jokes. ANYTHING for a laugh!
The only thing I don't like about the race is the +4 to Ride they get. It's the one thing I find near useless. One scary thing about them is that when you add up the +4 to Dexterity, the +4 size bonus to Stealth, and the +4 racial bonus to Stealth along with the in class bonus, and you get a frightening amount of Stealth at just first level! That alone is begging for mischief.
|
|
Nope, the Sorceress has a 5 fire resistance. Maybe I will change that to asking if its acid proof....
- "I wonder... is your robe flammable?"
That's perfect! Sorceress: fire resistance 5. Sorceress' gear: fire resistance 0. You can set her backpack on fire and she can't get mad because it doesn't hurt her!
What's the answer to every Goblin joke?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
FIRE!!!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
FIRE!!!
How many goblins does it take to change a sunrod?
FIRE!!!
Any last words, goblin pyromaniacal scum?
FIRE!!!
It could work...
You know the difference between pinkskin babies and bowling balls? It's easier to load babies with a hay fork.
Why did the baby cross the road? Because I said if he didn't, I'd eat his legs.
What does the pinkskin baby mean when it says "gai go ga?" I'm on fire.
The key is not to make the jokes funny, but vicious.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
|
To paraphrase a Goblin's natural enemy.
"A horse walked up to a barn and says, 'I forgot to store hay for winter and now I am dead.' Ha! It is funny because the horse is dead."
What is the difference between a Paladin and a pile of ash?
How many alchemists fires does it take to set a horse on fire?
On a related note to the previous post, any of the 'Count' jokes from Sesame Street can be converted easily. Oscar the Grouch lines can also work. Finally, the two critics from The Muppet Show can usually be converted over too.
"Did you hear about the church that caught on fire?"
"Holy smoke!"
Naw, the goal here is to make the PLAYERS laugh, not to make other Goblins laugh. Thus, "jokes" merely being vicious doesn't work.