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Two big pieces of news at University of Wisconsin-Madison, where I teach and dissertate.
Transgender UW researcher denied coverage for gender confirmation surgery, complaint says
First, a cancer researcher has filed a complaint with the EEOC, with the help of the ACLU, to get the school to pay for the surgery she had last October. She's suing for the full cost of the surgery.
Really, really hope she wins this.
Huh. Things you don't expect to see while browsing a gaming forum: a story about yourself. Thanks for taking notice of me, KSF. If it makes you feel any better about the way things went down with ETF in January, the fight is far from over.
The Last Shadow Puppets - Miracle Aligner (I'd say the gay subtext of the video is strong, but that'd imply it's the least bit subtle.)
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Huh. Things you don't expect to see while browsing a gaming forum: a story about yourself. Thanks for taking notice of me, KSF. If it makes you feel any better about the way things went down with ETF in January, the fight is far from over.Two big pieces of news at University of Wisconsin-Madison, where I teach and dissertate.
Transgender UW researcher denied coverage for gender confirmation surgery, complaint says
First, a cancer researcher has filed a complaint with the EEOC, with the help of the ACLU, to get the school to pay for the surgery she had last October. She's suing for the full cost of the surgery.
Really, really hope she wins this.
D'oh, it's the medical school? I'm a UW-Madison alum, and I'm happy to email or call and give them a piece of my mind as an alum, but I don't know if they'll care since it always seemed like the medical school was separate.
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Tonight I was invited to an impromptu ladies game night. I decided to go. I had planned on changing there, but instead I decided to just go out completely as Cindy. It was nerve wracking for me. I wasn't going to know everyone there and there would be two kids present. It's hard to explain things sometimes to kids. One of whom has autism.
So here's how things went down:
There were two kids there, both had been talked to beforehand so they knew what to expect. Both did a really great job of trying to remember my name and how to treat me. I could tell that one struggled harder than the other, but she really put forth more effort than some adults.
We played a few games. I got to introduce a few people to King of Tokyo and we all learned how to play Cthulhu Pandemic. It was a lot of fun.
I made a new friend tonight. It was the first time she had ever met me. Not only was she 100% respectful, turns out that she also frequents the same game store.
I managed to get from my apartment to the car and back with minimal anxiety. Getting from Py and Will's place to my car took more effort, but Will met me at the car and Jodi walked back with me when it was time to leave.
All in all, tonight was a success. I really had a great time.
I really need to say that reading your stories and talking to everyone here gives me courage when I need it. I know that I don't really thank people much on here. I should. You are all very inspiring. I really don't think I could do this without you. Thank you all very much.
Tonight I was invited to an impromptu ladies game night. I decided to go. I had planned on changing there, but instead I decided to just go out completely as Cindy. It was nerve wracking for me. I wasn't going to know everyone there and there would be two kids present. It's hard to explain things sometimes to kids. One of whom has autism.
So here's how things went down:
There were two kids there, both had been talked to beforehand so they knew what to expect. Both did a really great job of trying to remember my name and how to treat me. I could tell that one struggled harder than the other, but she really put forth more effort than some adults.
We played a few games. I got to introduce a few people to King of Tokyo and we all learned how to play Cthulhu Pandemic. It was a lot of fun.
I made a new friend tonight. It was the first time she had ever met me. Not only was she 100% respectful, turns out that she also frequents the same game store.I managed to get from my apartment to the car and back with minimal anxiety. Getting from Py and Will's place to my car took more effort, but Will met me at the car and Jodi walked back with me when it was time to leave.
All in all, tonight was a success. I really had a great time.
I really need to say that reading your stories and talking to everyone here gives me courage when I need it. I know that I don't really thank people much on here. I should. You are all very inspiring. I really don't think I could do this without you. Thank you all very much.
I am so happy for You! *hugs*
Did my advice Help?
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Did my advice Help?
A little. I think that I need to force myself out of my comfort zone. I can't be myself if I spend all my time being someone else.
Did my advice Help?A little. I think that I need to force myself out of my comfort zone. I can't be myself if I spend all my time being someone else.
Glad I could help even a little.
Comfort Zones are like rules...they are made to be broken.
*providing a comfortably warm and bright place for hugging, smiling and talking*
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D'oh, it's the medical school? I'm a UW-Madison alum, and I'm happy to email or call and give them a piece of my mind as an alum, but I don't know if they'll care since it always seemed like the medical school was separate.
Thanks for that, Jessica. Actually, though, the School of Medicine and Public Health (and my direct employers) have been very good to me. If it were just between me and my bosses, I doubt I would have much trouble. The problems, unfortunately, are on the State level, with the Department of Employee Trust funds and the Group Insurance Board. The GIB has a policy of excluding all coverage for transgender health issues state-wide, which is what the ACLU and I are hoping to overturn.
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Tonight I was invited to an impromptu ladies game night. I decided to go.
I made a new friend tonight. It was the first time she had ever met me. Not only was she 100% respectful, turns out that she also frequents the same game store.
All in all, tonight was a success. I really had a great time.
That's wonderful!
You know, getting invited to "ladies nights" or "girls nights" does more for my self-esteem than it really probably should. I think it's the implied "you are one of us" that makes me go all happy inside.
I hope it did for you too. ^^
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*Offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*
Sigh...those are not as good as the Real Rysky Hugs.
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Please feel free to talk about as much or as little you want - whatever makes you comfortable. With this group I don't think you have to worry about talking anyone's ears off.
Okay I refrained from posting this last night because I did not want to step on Bob_Loblaw's moment with what might be construed as babbling...
This week has been a Rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions...I have to share them.
I am kinda caught between wanting to go to fast and being extra cautious. I have been hyper aware of my parents and other people who I know in real life who could connect me to these posts...I even asked my Mom if she has heard from my brother lately...as he sometimes lurks on these boards.
I gamed last night with somebody who is also on these boards and I was nervous...if he knows he is keeping it to himself. Part of me wishes he knew so you can talk about it. But as the night progressed it was okay.
I also have been thinking about the people I plan to come out too...how will they react and will it change the dynamics of the relationship? I am not exactly the same person I was two weeks ago..I feel I am still me though...just more me...if that makes any sense.
I feel I am acting more naturally...it feels great, but the back of mind is asking "Do they know?" I guess it has always been there...but now it is dieing...
Work has been...interesting. I have always had traditionally masculine jobs...roofer, car mechanic, currently working at a warehouse. With those jobs...comes a certain locker room mentality and sense of humor. I guess I just learned to play along...I also have a thick skin.,,and a sense of humor that I can laugh at myself..so I am not easily offended. But this week felt different...I felt more amused by it all...more of a observer viewing men in his natural habitat kinda of way.
Which brought a slight bit of worry...will people veiw it as a bit of decption...I have engaged in "man talk" for years with co-workers and friends. Will they Understand? I mean I can still kinda of relate...I am still attracted to women...just a bit differently.
Overall finding my true self has been the best thing to ever happen to me..,but with any change in guess comes a little fear.
The problem with things like 'locker room mentality', 'man talk', and other methods of describing a particular gender-oriented socialization is that it locks all parties into a somewhat rigid paradigm.
It feeds a craptonne of stereotypes, too.
There was one woman I used to game with that I would have trusted anything mechanical with before any male 'certified' mechanic -- she was good with machines.
But in society, there was several decades of "Working on a car? That's *MAN'S* work."
This doesn't help us start to explore who we are and what are talents are, though, doe it? Perhaps taking a half-step back and trying to evaluate the socialization might help, much like you noted in the 'observer' aspect?
As far as the attraction difference? I've heard, shall we say, more risque comments from women about women than men. So there is probably some 'give' in that area of discussion.
Developer
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I am kinda caught between wanting to go to fast and being extra cautious. I have been hyper aware of my parents and other people who I know in real life who could connect me to these posts...I even asked my Mom if she has heard from my brother lately...as he sometimes lurks on these boards.
I gamed last night with somebody who is also on these boards and I was nervous...if he knows he is keeping it to himself. Part of me wishes he knew so you can talk about it. But as the night progressed it was okay.
I also have been thinking about the people I plan to come out too...how will they react and will it change the dynamics of the relationship? I am not exactly the same person I was two weeks ago..I feel I am still me though...just more me...if that makes any sense.
There's a lot of re-thinking how you interact with the world and with people. I sort of came out to people erratically... no real plan or sense to it, and it turned out mostly okay. A friend of mine planned her coming out like a freakin' war game, though: She knew which friends she needed to get on her side first, so other friends would be more supportive when they found out, and I think that worked a lot better for her. I can tell you that you should always wait a little on coming out to the family, because coming out to friends gives you a lot more practice and confidence and people to lean on after your family runs you through the emotional wringer (and whether they support you or not, it will be emotionally trying for everyone).
And you're still the same person. You're just starting to realize that some aspects of yourself are costume pieces you wear to please others. You're still the same person, and you can still wear the same costume, but now you're aware that it's there and that will always tug on the back of your mind.
I feel I am acting more naturally...it feels great, but the back of mind is asking "Do they know?" I guess it has always been there...but now it is dieing...
Work has been...interesting. I have always had traditionally masculine jobs...roofer, car mechanic, currently working at a warehouse. With those jobs...comes a certain locker room mentality and sense of humor. I guess I just learned to play along...I also have a thick skin.,,and a sense of humor that I can laugh at myself..so I am not easily offended. But this week felt different...I felt more amused by it all...more of a observer viewing men in his natural habitat kinda of way.
Which brought a slight bit of worry...will people veiw it as a bit of decption...I have engaged in "man talk" for years with co-workers and friends. Will...
Society at large tends to assume trans people are somehow deceptive. It's fallout from older movies and TV shows, and you'll probably run into at least a little bit of that attitude. All you need to understand, and eventually communicate to others, that these aspects of you are just habits you picked up to try and fit in and make people more comfortable around you. Trans people tend to be pleasers--we want people to get along and not be uncomfortable (especially early on). It's hard not to worry that we're putting other people out and second-guess what's best for us by worry over what might mildly inconvenience others.
You have needs, and they deserve to be met. Many people will understand that much, even if they don't understand the specific needs themselves. the rest is just details.
The problem with things like 'locker room mentality', 'man talk', and other methods of describing a particular gender-oriented socialization is that it locks all parties into a somewhat rigid paradigm.It feeds a craptonne of stereotypes, too.
There was one woman I used to game with that I would have trusted anything mechanical with before any male 'certified' mechanic -- she was good with machines.
But in society, there was several decades of "Working on a car? That's *MAN'S* work."
This doesn't help us start to explore who we are and what are talents are, though, doe it? Perhaps taking a half-step back and trying to evaluate the socialization might help, much like you noted in the 'observer' aspect?
As far as the attraction difference? I've heard, shall we say, more risque comments from women about women than men. So there is probably some 'give' in that area of discussion.
The auto mechanic industry is highly sexist. When I went to LTI...the girls that were there were...encouraged to take Service Writer jobs...which pays as well as mechanics...better sometimes. But kept the boys club in the shop.
But yeah I have also known really good woman mechanics.
Yeah I am kinda taking a step at work atleast mentally...and I should say it is not as bad as the roofing or the auto mech job as women are present..,and it depends who I am with..,some people I talk about comics with...others sports...etc.
@Crystal:Thanks what you said really reflects what I am feeling. And helped me on what to say to people when I do come out. Though...my biggest worry is I get the reaction of disbelief. I just don't know how to react to that.
On another note I went Barnes & Nobles today to look for some of those books. Now I know years ago they had a LGBT section...but I could not find it. Anybody know where those books would be? I guess I could look online for them but have them delivered to house makes me a little nervous.
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Tonight I was invited to an impromptu ladies game night. I decided to go.
I made a new friend tonight. It was the first time she had ever met me. Not only was she 100% respectful, turns out that she also frequents the same game store.
All in all, tonight was a success. I really had a great time.That's wonderful!
You know, getting invited to "ladies nights" or "girls nights" does more for my self-esteem than it really probably should. I think it's the implied "you are one of us" that makes me go all happy inside.
I hope it did for you too. ^^
I feel the same way. It's a sign of acceptance that you belong to a group that you never thought you could.
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@Crystal:Thanks what you said really reflects what I am feeling. And helped me on what to say to people when I do come out. Though...my biggest worry is I get the reaction of disbelief. I just don't know how to react to that.
On another note I went Barnes & Nobles today to look for some of those books. Now I know years ago they had a LGBT section...but I could not find it. Anybody know where those books would be? I guess I could look online for them but have them delivered to house makes me a little nervous.
You can just ask one of the associates. They can look it up and find it for you. That's how I shop at BnN. I generally don't like to browse if I'm in the market for something specific.
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You can just ask one of the associates. They can look it up and find it for you. That's how I shop at BnN. I generally don't like to browse if I'm in the market for something specific.@Crystal:Thanks what you said really reflects what I am feeling. And helped me on what to say to people when I do come out. Though...my biggest worry is I get the reaction of disbelief. I just don't know how to react to that.
On another note I went Barnes & Nobles today to look for some of those books. Now I know years ago they had a LGBT section...but I could not find it. Anybody know where those books would be? I guess I could look online for them but have them delivered to house makes me a little nervous.
Yeah...I chickened out from asking a associate. I should not be...with some of the books I have gotten in past..or the combination of books..and never even getting a funny stare at this BnN. Also...I have always been able to find the books I am looking.
Next time I will just take a deep breath and ask.
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No one needs to know why you are buying a particular book. I have bought books on autism, the holocaust, zombies, economics, gaming, etc. No one thinks that I'm an autistic undead zombie accountant who thinks he's a wizard.
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No one needs to know why you are buying a particular book. I have bought books on autism, the holocaust, zombies, economics, gaming, etc. No one thinks that I'm an autistic undead zombie accountant who thinks he's a wizard.
Wait...you are not a autistic undead zombie accountant? ;)
Yeah I know you are right...last night those little voices though got me to chicken out. It happens.
I am also good at reading people...it is a survival mechanism I learned as a child if my Dad was in a certain mood to aviod him. My mind though sometimes does see things that are not there...or imagines the worst possible outcome.
Also...it is also my speech impediment at work...I dislike talking to strangers if I don't have to. It is hard for me some days.
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I've been told that I'm brain dead so maybe I am :)
I would just give them a list of the books I'm looking for. No need for a lengthy conversation with them.
I've been told that I'm brain dead so maybe I am :)
I would just give them a list of the books I'm looking for. No need for a lengthy conversation with them.
I know...I was just looking for the easy way.
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Ugh, overslept -_-
Oh well, not working today so it's not that bad :3
*offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*
Sigh...there is nothing like real Rysky Hugs.
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*Low burning, still cozy flame to talk, smile and hug at*
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So tonight I came out to another friend. This was different as I planned it ahead of time...the first two I just kinda blurted it out. It went perfectly..though I figured it would as he is a very good friend. He even hugged me...which I am surpringly getting more comfortable with. I always had a personal space issue...but that seems to be eroding.
I have always had issues with 'letting people in' and being caught vulnerable. Now it feels good...like a weight lifting off of my mind, I am definitely getting more comfortable with sharing my feelings and thoughts...as I no doubt you can tell from my posts ;). I don't mean to construe that keeping those things is necessary a male trait (though social pressures does make it hard) but it is something I always had issues with.
Next up is coming out to a small group of people. Which is why I came out to my friend tonight because he will be there when I do so. I know he will support me...which helps alot.
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*resurfaces to the waist, reciprocates hugs, then disappears into the murky depths*
AHHHH! HUGSHARK!!
Ugh, Monday, why do you come so early?
*shrugs*
^w^
*offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*
....
*cues Jaws soundtrack*
Do hang overs cure slight hangovers?
I was at a bar last night....
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*shrugs*
Wouldn't know, I'm the designated driver.
But you are the Succubus Mistress of Hugs...I thought you would know everything about hugs.
I guess we should experiment...for Science! Of course.
*hugs*
Feel a little better. :)
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*shrugs*
Wouldn't know, I'm the designated driver.
But you are the Succubus Mistress of Hugs...I thought you would know everything about hugs.
I guess we should experiment...for Science! Of course.
*hugs*
Feel a little better. :)
(don't know what hang overs have to do with hugs but okay)
*hugs*
Honey, your hugs are special.