The LGBT Gamer Community Thread.


Gamer Life General Discussion

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Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I wish there was a 'support poster'/'hug' button.

There are some times (mostly in this thread, but also on other parts of the board) where something really *heavy* is posted in a spoiler and I feel... 'awkward' just 'hitting the favorite button'.

I mean, it could be viewed as support... but it could also be viewed as 'supporting the negative spoiler'd thing'...

Scarab Sages

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*gives Slothsy a hug*
Damn, I really hope your sister just takes her time to cope :-(

*gets a Bear, a Rysky and A Rysky Clone hug*

*crawls under a blanket to hide from the remaining Rosenmontag*

Liberty's Edge

7 people marked this as a favorite.

I tend to assume that favoriting is a sign of support, and not a passive aggressive thing.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

*Continues to be bright and warm for a place of hugs, smiles, conversation and general merrymaking'
Hey, it's good I know how to burn and sleep at the same time!

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Slothsy wrote:
I tend to assume that favoriting is a sign of support, and not a passive aggressive thing.

*support!*

Dark Archive

*hugs to all* After a week of non-stop running and working, I finally get a break. My girlfriend's best friend andcher partner arrive in Seattle today. I haven't seen them in a month, and I missed having them around, even if we sometimes butt heads. I might lose them to the local scene nearby, but I will be happy to see them express themselves till we leave for the suburbs and then I will turn into the worrier again.

If anyone is local to Seattle and is willing to meet up, I would appreciate a local contact...or even just a friendly face.


I'm really frustrated today. One of Cindy's friends shared a picture about how men shouldn't use the women's bathroom. She knows me personally. She knows several transgender people personally. I know this because we are all mutual friends. It sucks knowing that people who say they accept me secretly are disgusted by my existence.

I'm doing everything I can to not be an activist, but it gets harder every day.

Project Manager

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Bob_Loblaw wrote:

I'm really frustrated today. One of Cindy's friends shared a picture about how men shouldn't use the women's bathroom. She knows me personally. She knows several transgender people personally. I know this because we are all mutual friends. It sucks knowing that people who say they accept me secretly are disgusted by my existence.

I'm doing everything I can to not be an activist, but it gets harder every day.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with that from a friend.

Most activists I know became activists because of things that have happened to them. There comes a point, for a lot of people, past which the consequences for speaking up seem more bearable than continuing to be silent or passive.

(This isn't me telling you that you should be an activist, just that that feeling is natural and a lot of the people you know who are out and loud and vehement about their identities and their rights have felt that way. I think very few people start out wanting to be activists. :-) )


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* gives Bob_Loblaw many hugs *

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

*adds to the hugs*


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Jessica Price wrote:


Most activists I know became activists because of things that have happened to them. ... I think very few people start out wanting to be activists. :-) )

The way I feel about it is that you pretty much cross the line from speaking up to being an activist when you refuse to take the first "no" as an acceptable answer to "please stop pushing me around."


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Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

An interesting article about being trans in the nerd culture scene

As A Trans Woman, I’ve Seen Nerd Culture’s Misogyny From Both Sides


Bob_Loblaw wrote:

I'm really frustrated today. One of Cindy's friends shared a picture about how men shouldn't use the women's bathroom. She knows me personally. She knows several transgender people personally. I know this because we are all mutual friends. It sucks knowing that people who say they accept me secretly are disgusted by my existence.

I'm doing everything I can to not be an activist, but it gets harder every day.

*hugs*

I had a similar experience last week with my parents while watching the news. It made really doubt that they will truly accept me.

Maybe you should talk to her about it. The best way to deal with this is communication.


6 people marked this as a favorite.
Selene Spires wrote:
Bob_Loblaw wrote:

I'm really frustrated today. One of Cindy's friends shared a picture about how men shouldn't use the women's bathroom. She knows me personally. She knows several transgender people personally. I know this because we are all mutual friends. It sucks knowing that people who say they accept me secretly are disgusted by my existence.

I'm doing everything I can to not be an activist, but it gets harder every day.

*hugs*

I had a similar experience last week with my parents while watching the news. It made really doubt that they will truly accept me.

Maybe you should talk to her about it. The best way to deal with this is communication.

I commented immediately on the post. I was respectful and explained what the problem is without actually having to say that it felt like a personal attack. She is the kind of person who shares things, but never continues the conversation.

A positive did come out of it though. Someone who doesn't know Cindy, but does know Bob, also commented and she came to the defense of transgender people. She isn't friends with either Bob or Cindy on Facebook, but I think that's about to change. I've always liked her. I should have friended her a long time ago.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Jessica Price wrote:
Bob_Loblaw wrote:

I'm really frustrated today. One of Cindy's friends shared a picture about how men shouldn't use the women's bathroom. She knows me personally. She knows several transgender people personally. I know this because we are all mutual friends. It sucks knowing that people who say they accept me secretly are disgusted by my existence.

I'm doing everything I can to not be an activist, but it gets harder every day.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with that from a friend.

Most activists I know became activists because of things that have happened to them. There comes a point, for a lot of people, past which the consequences for speaking up seem more bearable than continuing to be silent or passive.

(This isn't me telling you that you should be an activist, just that that feeling is natural and a lot of the people you know who are out and loud and vehement about their identities and their rights have felt that way. I think very few people start out wanting to be activists. :-) )

I'm trying to not be an activist. The more involved I get in political discussions, the more my PTSD and depression seem to be triggered. It's worse than trying to deal with my identity. My PTSD is based on abuse and being involved puts me in situations where I would be involved with people who are abusing or being abused. I can't emotionally afford to be in that situation.

That being said, I will remain vocal. Even if I was a straight cis male, I would still be there to support people who have every right to exist and to be treated as equals. Everyone should be treated equally in the eyes of the law. You should never have to fight for your rights, unless it's to party.

Liberty's Edge Developer

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I never wanted to be an activist, either. I just wanted to transition and live my life and not focus on all the difficult things I'd been through. But just like you you, all the little, insulting things I'd see from people who I KNEW were decent human beings, insulting and mocking and fearing people like me... It made me worry about the next generation of kids like us, and that they'd have to deal with the same b!@!%+*@ I did. No one deserves to go through that, least of all a kid.

So I started speaking out once in a while when a friend would say or do something s@*&ty. And I'd write social media posts about why X television episode or Y movie was inaccurate and hurtful. Now I'm speaking to my town council about minority protections and attending marches.

It sneaks up on you--activism--as you start to develop more empathy for others.

I never wanted to be a public figure.


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I don't even know if I'm transgender. I don't know how to know. Some of my friends say that I am and others say that I would know. Some tell me not to worry about it either way and just focus on being happy. That last one is really hard if you don't know who you are.


@Crystal: Very true. Though the only problem with activism is when you do start to loose empathy for your enemies (admittedly most of them make it really easy). Not saying you have...just things I have observed when both sides are just throwing labels out...you not going to change any minds.

@Bob_Loblaw: My advice when you are trying to find out who you are...drop the labels. Labels are just verbal shortcuts we use to communicate complex idea that share some commonality. As with most shortcuts they fail miserably in defining something as complex as who anybody is as a invidual. Figure out who you are first...than look for labels. And don't stress if you can not find any.

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

You're all badass ^w^

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*


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I support the hug button!!!

I also love everyone here.


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* grabs everyone in a big, soft, fluffy hug *

I would like to second Rysky - you are all badass!

I am also in favor of the hug button.


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Ah the morning Rysky and The Bear Hugs...


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Yessss... let the love and warmth wash over you...

Shadow Lodge

Moskau wrote:
Kajehase wrote:
Uncle Teddy wrote:
If we could somehow "weaponize" Rysky's hugs and create "hug bombs" could that be the key to world peace?
Isn't this basically the premise for the Care Bears?

I thought the premise was having your clique use death glares....?

Anyway, I'm heading back to Cedar Rapids for the last time today to supervise my move. Seattle is an amazing, incredible city and I can't wait to explore the culture. I think the entirety of my crew will be able to express who they are how they want without the social pariahness that tends to crop up in the midwest. Cedar Rapids was a lovely city, but not for a pack of LGBT 20-something geeks.

This is exactly why I don't live in Iowa City any more.

Well... That and 20 years military service. But Ohio is almost as nice, and slightly more heavily populated with gamers.

Shadow Lodge

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Freehold DM wrote:
I support the hug button!!!

Hug button? That's a brilliant idea.

Liberty's Edge

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Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
Bob_Loblaw wrote:
I don't even know if I'm transgender. I don't know how to know. Some of my friends say that I am and others say that I would know. Some tell me not to worry about it either way and just focus on being happy. That last one is really hard if you don't know who you are.

Respectfully stolen and adapted from O-Chul (Order of the Stick character), because it translates exactly what I feel

You may not know exactly who you are - but we do

You are an immensely good, strong and decent person and I think all people on this thread feel that our world is bigger and better thanks to you

Liberty's Edge Developer

7 people marked this as a favorite.
Bob_Loblaw wrote:
I don't even know if I'm transgender. I don't know how to know. Some of my friends say that I am and others say that I would know. Some tell me not to worry about it either way and just focus on being happy. That last one is really hard if you don't know who you are.

Don't fret about trying to fit any specific criteria. If you're not sure, then it might just not be as major an issue for you as it is for some people, and that's cool. Right now you're experimenting and exploring who you are, and that's honestly the healthiest way to find your happiness.

Scarab Sages

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Bob,no one but you and those close to you have to care what (if anything) you self identify as (and for the latter: the key word is care, not judge or have anything to say in it). And I from what I got to know from these boards, I am sure 'the what' is a great person.
*hugs*

Quite frankly, I am not sure my desk is large enough for a hug button...


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*burning bright and warm to provide ample cozyness for hugs, smiles, talk and merryment*


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Campfire Elemental wrote:
*burning bright and warm to provide ample cozyness for hugs, smiles, talk and merryment*

*sits down by the fire*

So in a couple of weeks I plan on going to a transgender support meeting. I hope I can get a friend to go along with me to hold my hand....possibly a little dragging. I normally get nervous about things like this. And I am very nervous...but also excited. I hope to make new friends.

Can anybody tell me what these meetings are Like?

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

I hope you make plenty of new friends too, Selene ^w^

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*


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* walks in pulling two wagons - one full of logs for Campfire elemental and the other full of hot dogs and marshmallows for roasting and chocolate and graham crackers for s'mores *

* grabs a log and tosses it onto Campfire Elemental *

Good morning, all you wonderful folks.

* grabs everyone in a big fluffy bear hug *

I hope everyone's day is full of awesomeness.


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I would just like to say that the immense amount of love, warmth, and positivity coming from this thread has helped me and a bunch of other people through the past few weeks. Thank you all ^_^


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Morning Everybody. *hugs*


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Selene Spires wrote:
Morning Everybody. *hugs*

Morning! *hugs*

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

^w^

Also yay for as of today marriage equality in Finland!

*offers more hugs*

Dark Archive

*hugs**grumbles something about morning*

Girlfriend is going to be home tonight. First time in over a month everyone will be together in one place. I expect a bit of tension in the next few days as a result of a lot of changes. Personally, I am a bit of an emotional wreck; I just feel overwhelmed and abandoned. The rainbow flags and crosswalk really don't do much for me. It is great to know there is community here, but it doesn't hold up to bonds formed under adversity. I just feel so alone.


I vote for a hig button too!

Scarab Sages

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*hugs*
*hugs Moskau once more*


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*Keeps the place bright and warm, perfect for hugs, smiles, conversation, company and merryment*

Silver Crusade

1 person marked this as a favorite.

*Offers hugs to Moskau and everyone else who wants or needs one*

Silver Crusade

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

*offers more hugs*


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* gives my fellow bear a hug *

Shadow Lodge

I want to know where you guys found a fire proof bear; or at least a fire resistant one.

Liberty's Edge Developer

Moskau wrote:

*hugs**grumbles something about morning*

Girlfriend is going to be home tonight. First time in over a month everyone will be together in one place. I expect a bit of tension in the next few days as a result of a lot of changes. Personally, I am a bit of an emotional wreck; I just feel overwhelmed and abandoned. The rainbow flags and crosswalk really don't do much for me. It is great to know there is community here, but it doesn't hold up to bonds formed under adversity. I just feel so alone.

I'm sorry, Moskau. That sounds rough. it's hard when you're the only person you know in-personal struggling with these situations. Depending on where you are, there might be some good support groups or social groups to hang out with other people and talk and just generally feel less alone.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Bob_Loblaw wrote:
I don't even know if I'm transgender. I don't know how to know. Some of my friends say that I am and others say that I would know. Some tell me not to worry about it either way and just focus on being happy. That last one is really hard if you don't know who you are.

Something a lot of people tend to say: If you're even in a position where you find yourself asking "Am I trans?" then you are absolutely trans. There's even a website based on the premise- amitransgender.com

Feels like a joke, but as you'll generally find for yourself when you start getting pushback from intolerant people, cis people never lose sleep over what their gender is. At all. Not one single night. It's weird, right?

Liberty's Edge Developer

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Selene Spires wrote:

So in a couple of weeks I plan on going to a transgender support meeting. I hope I can get a friend to go along with me to hold my hand....possibly a little dragging. I normally get nervous about things like this. And I am very nervous...but also excited. I hope to make new friends.

Can anybody tell me what these meetings are Like?

They're usually pretty informal. Lots of people at different points in their transition and different points on the transgender spectrum chatting about their experiences. Usually there's a dedicated leader for the group who talks about things like what the group did last time, what events are upcoming, and maybe decides a conversation topic. Usually there are a few individuals who want to stand up to talk about what's going on in their lives, mostly for support or to ask for resources (I found my first endocrinologist by asking at a local support group). The details vary a lot; some groups are more for straight men who like to crossdress, some are trans groups that are old-guard and very focused on pushing through transition and plastic surgery, some are very political and try to keep their members engaged in local politics, some are just informal groups of people who are just figuring out who they are and how to get started.

Sometimes there are snacks


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Violet Hargrave wrote:
Bob_Loblaw wrote:
I don't even know if I'm transgender. I don't know how to know. Some of my friends say that I am and others say that I would know. Some tell me not to worry about it either way and just focus on being happy. That last one is really hard if you don't know who you are.

Something a lot of people tend to say: If you're even in a position where you find yourself asking "Am I trans?" then you are absolutely trans. There's even a website based on the premise- amitransgender.com

Feels like a joke, but as you'll generally find for yourself when you start getting pushback from intolerant people, cis people never lose sleep over what their gender is. At all. Not one single night. It's weird, right?

Coming from a cis guy, that last part is certainly true, but non-cis doesn't always mean trans. There are various non-binary, genderfluid and other options as well.

Much like wondering if you're gay might suggest you're not straight, but doesn't rule out bi.


Violet Hargrave wrote:
Bob_Loblaw wrote:
I don't even know if I'm transgender. I don't know how to know. Some of my friends say that I am and others say that I would know. Some tell me not to worry about it either way and just focus on being happy. That last one is really hard if you don't know who you are.

Something a lot of people tend to say: If you're even in a position where you find yourself asking "Am I trans?" then you are absolutely trans. There's even a website based on the premise- amitransgender.com

Feels like a joke, but as you'll generally find for yourself when you start getting pushback from intolerant people, cis people never lose sleep over what their gender is. At all. Not one single night. It's weird, right?

If I only knew that 5 years ago...when I did start asking myself that.


Crystal Frasier wrote:
Selene Spires wrote:

So in a couple of weeks I plan on going to a transgender support meeting. I hope I can get a friend to go along with me to hold my hand....possibly a little dragging. I normally get nervous about things like this. And I am very nervous...but also excited. I hope to make new friends.

Can anybody tell me what these meetings are Like?

They're usually pretty informal. Lots of people at different points in their transition and different points on the transgender spectrum chatting about their experiences. Usually there's a dedicated leader for the group who talks about things like what the group did last time, what events are upcoming, and maybe decides a conversation topic. Usually there are a few individuals who want to stand up to talk about what's going on in their lives, mostly for support or to ask for resources (I found my first endocrinologist by asking at a local support group). The details vary a lot; some groups are more for straight men who like to crossdress, some are trans groups that are old-guard and very focused on pushing through transition and plastic surgery, some are very political and try to keep their members engaged in local politics, some are just informal groups of people who are just figuring out who they are and how to get started.

Sometimes there are snacks

So...I won't know till I go pretty much. Would mention that it is Pflag mean anything?

I hope there is snacks...

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