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Selene Spires wrote:
So does my experiences resonates with Anyone? How was it like coming out to people? About going out as a woman for the first Time? Dealing with family? Does anybody else use RPGS like I did? Any mistakes you made I can learn From?

Just some quick thoughts on some of what you’ve written, and your questions. As a disclaimer, what follows is only based on my experiences, and I’m a patient, generally shy (in person, at any rate), control-freak-y college brat, so expect mileages to vary widely.

Sample consequence:
I’ve been happy to take my transition slowly over years – I still need to get my legal name and gender marker sorted out, because I’m nervous, want everything to be just so before taking my chances with the paperwork, and (who knew?) balancing all this against grad school is hard. :) Maybe this summer? I know I’m lucky to be able to be so lackadaisical about it, and can imagine that such a pace would drive other folks nuts.

Thoughts on RPGs, coming out, presenting in one’s right gender, spoilered for what turned out to be (yikes!) a rambling, incoherent wall of text:
I never really consciously used RPGs to help deal with things: it was a factor of some sort, but I guess more as an indicator, perhaps? I only started really thinking about my characters’ genders and sexualities after I had begun to come to terms with my own. So, for example, it only became significant to me that after a certain point all the PCs I was rolling up were women once I had realized that I’m a woman, cisnormativity and assignment at birth be damned.

As for coming out, I’ve been really lucky. My family’s supportive, and I came out to them through letters, since I was studying away from home at the time, and the breathing room that writing gave was very helpful, but it was still harrowing in the moment and waiting for the response. It turns out that most of my family was quietly expecting something of the sort, so folks can surprise you. Otherwise, I hang out predominantly in liberal and/or LGBT circles, so if people don’t actually check pronouns around the table the first time groups meet, they’re pretty good about reading presentations carefully and accepting correction (if necessary) graciously. Lastly, after being out for a while, it’s normally just another thing; I might mention to my colleagues that I’m going to the local lesbian film festival on the weekend, say, or someone might recognize me from an LGBT open mic, and they draw their own conclusions and the conversation moves on.

For me, presenting in a way that feels comfortable has been similar. I’m not the most conventionally feminine woman (that might be slowly changing, but more out of inertia based on what’s in the shops when I go than a conscious decision), but I’ve often been surprised at how little it takes to help people nudge over into reading me correctly. From my perspective, it’s still and always has been me, and I still have my self-image to deal with, so it can be a bit strange even as it’s very sweet. The other side of it, of course, is since I don’t feel a need to be super girly, I’ve always been able to summon some amount of, “Well, I’m a woman, so no matter what I’m wearing I’m going out as a woman, and people are just going to have to deal with it.” Luck of the draw enters into this too: I’ve never had to deal with anything particularly nasty (to say nothing of violent) for my bravado, and have occasionally been blessed with some nice things – one of the first times I went out in more feminine attire than dominated my wardrobe at the time, I met a couple of teenagers who I think read me as trans but were tickled with it. I suspect they were also somewhere under the LGBT umbrella, so it was all sweetly conspiratorial and a nice early memory to be able to draw on.

TL;DR version: like Iammars and Ms. Frasier have suggested, the trick is finding something that feels comfortable and safe, at a pace that feels right for you, knowing that these things often take time and proceed in all sorts of ways, but trusting yourself too, and weighing what random princess-y sparkle fairies (takes a curtsey) might say carefully. :)

Project Manager

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I admire your courage, Selene, and am really happy for you. :-)


Iammars wrote:
“Selene Spires” wrote:

Now...I want to dress up in a dress with make up and wig (stupid male pattern baldness)...and go out on dates with women. But there are fears of discovery by my family. I do still live at home.

Don't get me wrong I love my family...well maybe not my younger sister...and they love me. But this would cause lots of tension that I don't want right now. Ultimately I believe they would accept me...but I am worried about putting it to a test.

I was in a similar situation when I was living at home. I had no doubt that my parents would accept me, but I knew that they knew absolutely nothing about any sort of trans issues and that they would be more of a hindrance than a help if they knew. Anything I did to try to quell my dysphoria had to be done without them finding out. While I don’t know your specific situation with your family, perhaps I can talk about some of the things I did and how they might help you.

A lot of this is going to depend on how invasive your family is. I know that my family basically didn’t want to touch my closet at all, so as long as I kept my stash of dysphoria-reducing clothing in my old college laundry bag in the back of my closet, they wouldn’t find them. (And as far as I’m aware, they never did for 2 years.) Hopefully you have some space in the house that you can claim as yours without too much fuss.

The trick then is getting stuff there without anyone in the house knowing. I had a friend whose house was kind of on the way on the path from work to the weekly Pathfinder Society game, so I would order clothes/wigs/other dysphoria-reducing materials to her house. I would pick them up on the way to PFS, and I would just throw them in with the rest of my PFS stuff. My bag was already stuffed with stuff, so a small package didn’t really make the bag look any different.

Learn when your family is less likely to bother you. I was often the last one to sleep, and so I would often put stuff on and stay in my room after everyone else in my family went to...

Yes my family has done laundry forever and I got outed by it even after I used my mom's panties with permission. Although they have a stressed relationship of their own.


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Hi Selene!

Two of the books I found useful for my transition were She's Not There, by Jennifer Finney Boylan and Whipping Girl, by Julia Serano.

She's Not There is a memoir, maybe a little dated now, and very much from a middle-class perspective (so the author seems to have easier access to transition-related medical care than many), but she starts out describing her life as a kid, and works her way up through and past when she came out in (I think) her late 30s. Part of what I found helpful about it was that she is a relatively late transitioner, like I was. There's always so much concern and anxiety about the age at which you start transition, it was nice to read something from someone who was close to the age I was when I came out and got started.

Whipping Girl is a collection of essays on trans-feminism by Serano. She also has a good blog on blogspot, where she writes about various trans-related issues.

Haven't gotten to Janet Mock's memoir yet, which Crystal recommended, but I've heard nothing but good things about it. (I think she has a follow-up out soon.)

I'll also second Crystal's recommendation of Trans Bodies, Trans Selves. Lots of good info in there. You could find a lot of it by scouring the internet, I think, but it's nice to have it all in one place. Bit of a hefty tome.

You can also sometimes find good interviews with various trans activists on youtube (Mock, Laverne Cox, Paris Lees, etc.)

Punk singer Laura Jane Grace, of Against Me! is worth following as well. She came out publicly in Rolling Stone back in 2012, and has done some good interviews since. Here's one. And here she is on NPR.

Against Me!'s first album after she came out, Transgender Dysphoria Blues, deals with a lot of LJG's experiences. It also rocks pretty good. Here's the title track. And she's just had a memoir come out.

Something else about her, too. Since transitioning, I'm very self-conscious about my voice. Did a year of voice therapy that didn't seem to help all that much. It's a bit difficult for me as I teach for a living, so I'm always up in front of people, speaking. Hearing Laura Jane Grace say that she wasn't going to change the way she sings, and seeing her just blast ahead was really helpful in coming to terms with my own voice.

The other things I'd suggest are: 1) Get to know other trans people, whether that's in real life or online. It helps to know people who have gone through what you've gone through, and can also help you navigate through the various medical and legal issues that come up; and 2) It helps to be friends with non-trans women. Once you're out, like out out, the world's going to treat you differently than what you're used to. Some of the things you'll deal with are things non-trans women deal with too, things they'll have years of experience with. Helps to be able to draw on their wisdom, while talking about the commonalities in our experiences can be affirming.

Good luck to you!


Also lots of trans people are different I do not really feel that bad about my face but I really need to shave to not have a neckbeard which is pretty yucky for me.

Liberty's Edge Developer

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doctor_wu wrote:
Also lots of trans people are different I do not really feel that bad about my face but I really need to shave to not have a neckbeard which is pretty yucky for me.

I think every trans person has similar hang-ups. I hate my nose and my voice—I think they're both dead giveaways in situations where I'd rather not stand out—but everyone tells me they're both fine.


Iammars wrote:
“Selene Spires” wrote:

Now...I want to dress up in a dress with make up and wig (stupid male pattern baldness)...and go out on dates with women. But there are fears of discovery by my family. I do still live at home.

Don't get me wrong I love my family...well maybe not my younger sister...and they love me. But this would cause lots of tension that I don't want right now. Ultimately I believe they would accept me...but I am worried about putting it to a test.

I was in a similar situation when I was living at home. I had no doubt that my parents would accept me, but I knew that they knew absolutely nothing about any sort of trans issues and that they would be more of a hindrance than a help if they knew. Anything I did to try to quell my dysphoria had to be done without them finding out. While I don’t know your specific situation with your family, perhaps I can talk about some of the things I did and how they might help you.

A lot of this is going to depend on how invasive your family is. I know that my family basically didn’t want to touch my closet at all, so as long as I kept my stash of dysphoria-reducing clothing in my old college laundry bag in the back of my closet, they wouldn’t find them. (And as far as I’m aware, they never did for 2 years.) Hopefully you have some space in the house that you can claim as yours without too much fuss.

The trick then is getting stuff there without anyone in the house knowing. I had a friend whose house was kind of on the way on the path from work to the weekly Pathfinder Society game, so I would order clothes/wigs/other dysphoria-reducing materials to her house. I would pick them up on the way to PFS, and I would just throw them in with the rest of my PFS stuff. My bag was already stuffed with stuff, so a small package didn’t really make the bag look any different.

Learn when your family is less likely to bother you. I was often the last one to sleep, and so I would often put stuff on and stay in my room after everyone else in my family went to...

Great advice here...Thank you.

My parents pretty much leave me my privacey...so hiding it my room from them is easy. The problem comes from siblings when they come visiting. They seemingly have no respect for my privacey...but I have places in my room to hide it from.

Laundry again is easy..though I have to keep careful tabs on it because then general rule in the house is to move along laundry if you see it, but I can do it late at night.

Truthfully my biggest fear of my parents finding out if that currently I am financially dependent on them...and if they find out I could be out on the streets.

I have a question...What is dysphoria-reducing clothing?

Liberty's Edge Developer

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Selene Spires wrote:
I have a question...What is dysphoria-reducing clothing?

I assume she means clothes that make you feel less gross in your own skin. It might be different items of women's clothes, or it might be guys' clothes that you feel minimizes the features about yourself that you don't like.


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The Raven Black wrote:

Hello, Selene and congratulations. You have my most sincere and heartfelt respect for daring to post here the way you did.

BTW I must admit I did click and saw your alias and I was indeed surprised. And also awesomely happy for you for taking your life in your hands the way you did.

There are waves of positive feeling coming out of your posts, and those of Risky, and those of Bob Loblaw, and I guess many other people here, that just resonate with life.

You give so much to this world, because you are the right people doing the right thing. And I mean You, as You all the people in this thread beyond the great three I just mentioned.

For this I want to thank you.

Selene Spires wrote:
So does my experiences resonates with Anyone? How was it like coming out to people? About going out as a woman for the first Time? Dealing with family? Does anybody else use RPGS like I did? Any mistakes you made I can learn From?

Your experiences do resonate with me, even though I am not LGBTQ. I too had something in my life that I did my utmost to hide from everyone, especially anybody close to me. And yes, I am a little bit worried that some people I know on the boards and RL could come across this post and inquire what I am talking about. We'll see I guess.

It was a liberation to be able to share that deepest secret and shame (even though it was nothing to be ashamed of), first with therapists, then on the internet, then with my very best friend and, little by little, with my family.

It took me years of therapy to gather enough self-confidence to reach this last point though even though it was not as self-defining as coming out as LGBTQ. But then everyone advances at their own pace.

What helped me a lot was that the people I told were full of understanding and warmth, and that all of them kept quiet about it.

The mistake I made was after I told my father, when I agreed with his request that he would tell my mother about it. It was a mistake because he told her without me knowing about...

Thank you...it is good advice. I am sure that people will be told by the people I come out too. You know the old saying about keeping secrets...

But I will try to control it especially when it comes to family.

You do have me curious about your secret...not pressure you into revealing it or anything. If anything I know there is a right time to share.

Thank you for admitting you check out my alias...if you(or anyone for that matter) want tell me why they are surprised...I am curious....PM me.


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Crystal Frasier wrote:
doctor_wu wrote:
Also lots of trans people are different I do not really feel that bad about my face but I really need to shave to not have a neckbeard which is pretty yucky for me.
I think every trans person has similar hang-ups. I hate my nose and my voice—I think they're both dead giveaways in situations where I'd rather not stand out—but everyone tells me they're both fine.

Funny thay you mentioned shaving. I usually had a beard because without it I felt I looked feminine. Last night I shaved it off because I kinda don't care about that anymore. It was a very liberating step for me...albeit a small one.

My voice has always been a hang up for me...having a speech impediment and all. To the point where I dislike hearing recording of it because it sounds totally different than what I hear when I am speaking.


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I have read all the posts...and would love to respond to them all...but I think it might make this thread unreadable. So a general Thank You for the words of encouragement and advice. Please keep them coming..either through PM or here.

And if anybody hear needs atleast a sympathies ear don't be afraid to .PM me. It is the least I can do.

I hope to continue to share my experiences with you.,,both good and bad.

Sovereign Court

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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Card Game, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Selene Spires wrote:
I have a question...What is dysphoria-reducing clothing?
I assume she means clothes that make you feel less gross in your own skin. It might be different items of women's clothes, or it might be guys' clothes that you feel minimizes the features about yourself that you don't like.

That is exactly what I meant.

Also doctor_wu I feel you. My beard grows FAST. I have noticeable stubble by the time I leave school, never mind 5 o'clock shadow. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do for GMing at conventions - it's not like I can bring a shaving kit into any bathroom and shave between slots. (And for TotalCon/PAX East, my hotel room isn't in the same building as where the con is.)

If only I could stand longer sessions of electrolysis.


Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Iammars wrote:


That is exactly what I meant.

Also doctor_wu I feel you. My beard grows FAST. I have noticeable stubble by the time I leave school, never mind 5 o'clock shadow. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do for GMing at conventions - it's not like I can bring a shaving kit into any bathroom and shave between slots. (And for TotalCon/PAX East, my hotel room isn't in the same building as where the con is.)

If only I could stand longer sessions of electrolysis.

Would a depilatory work?

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Card Game, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Wei Ji the Learner wrote:
Would a depilatory work?

Unfortunately my skin does not respond well to stuff like that. I tried on my legs, and it did some nasty stuff. I'd prefer not to risk it on my face.


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it's shaving time!:
As a black man with the facial hair stereotypical of my people, the search for a long lasting, razor bump free, close shave is paramount and elusive. Anyone who knows me in the fawtl thread reads my occasional post on shaving, but as not everyone here is there I will go over my favorite shave routines.

I am a big believer in pre shave oil(oh man, if I knew about it while growing up I wouldn't look as.. Rugged..as I do now), and I think the average person looking for a long lasting shave is going have to start here. I strongly suggest castor oil or any scent less, light oil- a few drops rubbed into wet skin will help the hair come right off while protecting the skin. If you have the time to leave a moist, hot towel on your face for 5 minutes before applying the oil, do so- you want the hair to be as soft as possible and the skin to be ready for the oil and blade.

When it comes to razors, forget the fancy multi blade things. If you want the hair to come clean off every time, use a drop razor, also sometimes called a safety razor or butterfly razor. You should be able to find a few of them at beauty supply stores for about 10 bucks, but for a quality razor, check out the German futur safety razor(I recommend the satin finish). This is an adjustable razor that you can put to the perfect setting for your face to minimize razor burn and cuts, but it isn't cheap. I have learned that when it comes to a shave, you get what you pay for,and people of trans experience need naught but the highest quality shave.

Don't have a lot of facial hair(maybe it's patchy or naturally thin) but still want to shave with a razor blade for smoothness sake? Maybe it's time to give a straight razor a try. The Parker Srx is the greatest straight razor I have ever owned, and I've owned a lot of straight razors. It's rounded head means you can get into a lot of places that traditional razors can't and *comfortably*. Yes, as a straight razor its got a learning curve, but once you get it down you will be baby smooth every time.

But Freehold, you say, what about the blade that goes *into* the razor? What I have discovered is that if you have thick, coarse hair, a Wilkinson sword blade is what you need - it will scythe through even the most stubborn hair with a minimum of effort, and you can find it anywhere, from Walmart to target for cheap. Don't have thick hair? Then the feather blade may be for you, but you will have to order it from Amazon, and pay a premium for it as it is coming from Japan in all probability. But feathers are the sharpest blades I can think of, and they cut VERY close- but they have a considerable learning curve that is foreign to me as I do not have fine facial hair.

Oops, almost forgot to talk about shaving cream. Hands down the best shaving cream I can think of is evolution of smooth or EOS. The vanilla scented one is very good and relatively neutral with respect to gender, I have found- a lot of the stereotypical canned foam shaving "creams" have scents that can be very masculine even if they are subtle.

But what about when you don't have the time to shave with a razor and cream, or don't want to risk being cut?

Well, when it comes to electrics you're going to want to go over your face with a clipper or trimmer first, and then an electric razor for smoothness. Really wish I knew that back in the day...

With respect to clippers, the wahl balding clipper is the very best. It is sharp to the point of nonsense, and you are going to have to practice going over your skin a few times to get used to the weight of the clipper and how it feels on your skin. But once you get used to it, it will really get your hair to a length that a razor will be able to deal with whatever remains.

Think clippers are too heavy? Well, try a trimmer - the andis outliner is probably one of the best ones on the market. It is nowhere near as powerful as the balding clipper and is therefore more forgiving. However there will be more work for the razor itself to do. And be careful- the andis line of trimmers gets INCREDIBLY HOT when used over a long period of time.

With respect to electric razors, the wahl 5 star shaper shaver is the absolute best. Ever. It will OBLITERATE any trace of hair you have on your face once you have trimmed it to a length that the razor can handle. I'm talking single chamber ignition, aim for the city of jeddha, OH it's beautiful levels of smooth. It can even fit in your pocket(roughly the size of old school super chunky flip phones) which makes it great for 5 o clock shadow emergencies. Just make sure it is FULLY CHARGED before use and that you clean it out REGULARLY.

And thats all I have on razors and shaving. Best of luck to you, friend, and happy smoothening!

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
Freehold DM wrote:
When it comes to razors, forget the fancy multi blade things. If you want the hair to come clean off every time, use a drop razor, also sometimes called a safety razor or butterfly razor.

This.

Those multi-blades carve me up, the single one I use, when I don't use an electric, is nice with minimum ouchies.

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Oh and also,

*offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*


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Thanks for the shaving tips Freehold DM. Those will be useful.

A little update. I had a long talk over the phone with my one Transgendered Male friend, I actually came out to him first...he was actually kinda surprised that I went this direction...and very proud of me,

Anyway he is active in the local LGBT community...and we are going to start going out to meet ups with them. I am so excited...and nervous.

I am going to feel a little odd...because not only do I not own any dresses, wigs, or make up...I really don't know that much about them. So am I going to stand Out? I hope to make friends who can help me with these things...

Sigh social anexity rears it's head again.


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Selene Spires wrote:

I have always felt different...I would stare at myself in the mirror just thinking is that Me? I always had dreams and fantasys of being a woman.

Than I discovered RPGs...and every character I play is female. I loved role-playing female characters...it just felt natural to me. As the years went by I just accepted the fact I am a lesbian woman born into the wrong body. Or maybe bi. Anyway playing female characters..and writing storys involving female character seemed to be enough.

Hello Selene!

I wanted to say that the part of your post I quoted above really resonated with me. I am also MtF Trans and also mostly embrace that via roleplaying and writing. It's nice to read about someone else who has connected with that part of themselves the same way.

I will say, it is difficult dating men as a male-presenting MtF person. I tried, but having a boyfriend made me feel MORE male, not less, which just made me feel less comfortable with mysef. It led to a really messy breakup that I still feel bad about. Much of that came from the fact that, at the time (17years ago), I didn't have the self-understanding or nomenclature to properly explain what I was feeling. My boyfriend thought he was dating a bi man when he was dating a bi woman in a male body, and I didn't know how to tell him that.

Anyway...

Oh. While this has nothing to do with anything, I just wanted to say, you have a beautiful alias, Selene. I wish I'd been able to use a female alias, but certain matters of pre-established authorship prevent me from doing so now.

Silver Crusade

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Iammars wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Selene Spires wrote:
I have a question...What is dysphoria-reducing clothing?
I assume she means clothes that make you feel less gross in your own skin. It might be different items of women's clothes, or it might be guys' clothes that you feel minimizes the features about yourself that you don't like.

That is exactly what I meant.

Also doctor_wu I feel you. My beard grows FAST. I have noticeable stubble by the time I leave school, never mind 5 o'clock shadow. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do for GMing at conventions - it's not like I can bring a shaving kit into any bathroom and shave between slots. (And for TotalCon/PAX East, my hotel room isn't in the same building as where the con is.)

If only I could stand longer sessions of electrolysis.

Sometimes there is no justice in the world. I am a cis-guy who would love to grow an awesome beard, but I can't. Can we swap face follicles? I can get away with shaving every other day.


Celestial Healer wrote:
Iammars wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Selene Spires wrote:
I have a question...What is dysphoria-reducing clothing?
I assume she means clothes that make you feel less gross in your own skin. It might be different items of women's clothes, or it might be guys' clothes that you feel minimizes the features about yourself that you don't like.

That is exactly what I meant.

Also doctor_wu I feel you. My beard grows FAST. I have noticeable stubble by the time I leave school, never mind 5 o'clock shadow. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do for GMing at conventions - it's not like I can bring a shaving kit into any bathroom and shave between slots. (And for TotalCon/PAX East, my hotel room isn't in the same building as where the con is.)

If only I could stand longer sessions of electrolysis.

Sometimes there is no justice in the world. I am a cis-guy who would love to grow an awesome beard, but I can't. Can we swap face follicles? I can get away with shaving every other day.

I shave once every few days myself

Sovereign Court

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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Card Game, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Celestial Healer wrote:
Sometimes there is no justice in the world. I am a cis-guy who would love to grow an awesome beard, but I can't. Can we swap face follicles? I can get away with shaving every other day.

If I had the ability to swap body parts, I would look very different right now. Egg-me wrote many stories about this when I was younger.


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dear selene:

welcome, congrats, and warm fuzzies!

glad you made it here, and i'm sure this is one of the right places for you to be (judging by own experience here, but everybody's kind and supportive whatever issues one may be dealing with, whether life-shaping in scale or tiny day-to-day stuff).

even those of us (like me) who aren't "on your team" are definitely "on your side;" welcome again, and glad to see you.


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Zelgadas Greyward wrote:
Selene Spires wrote:

I have always felt different...I would stare at myself in the mirror just thinking is that Me? I always had dreams and fantasys of being a woman.

Than I discovered RPGs...and every character I play is female. I loved role-playing female characters...it just felt natural to me. As the years went by I just accepted the fact I am a lesbian woman born into the wrong body. Or maybe bi. Anyway playing female characters..and writing storys involving female character seemed to be enough.

Hello Selene!

I wanted to say that the part of your post I quoted above really resonated with me. I am also MtF Trans and also mostly embrace that via roleplaying and writing. It's nice to read about someone else who has connected with that part of themselves the same way.

I will say, it is difficult dating men as a male-presenting MtF person. I tried, but having a boyfriend made me feel MORE male, not less, which just made me feel less comfortable with mysef. It led to a really messy breakup that I still feel bad about. Much of that came from the fact that, at the time (17years ago), I didn't have the self-understanding or nomenclature to properly explain what I was feeling. My boyfriend thought he was dating a bi man when he was dating a bi woman in a male body, and I didn't know how to tell him that.

Anyway...

Oh. While this has nothing to do with anything, I just wanted to say, you have a beautiful alias, Selene. I wish I'd been able to use a female alias, but certain matters of pre-established authorship prevent me from doing so now.

Yeah I have always been attracted to women. I mean I have sometimes fantasize being with men...but in RL I have never found any man to be attractive. I do plan on being upfront about myself. As a lack of communication can lead to a messy break up as you found out...luckily I do have the proper words.

As I said my alias is from a character I play. She is from a teenage superhero game I play (still do but the character are not teens anymore). She was just discovering she was a lesbian...she went on dates with guys...but they never seem to click with her...and she felt strangely attracted to a super villainess. Eventually she went on a date with a girl. As my character was going down this path..it really connected to me. I got really into this character's head.

If I ever get anything published I think I am going to use it as my pen name.


Ithsay the Unseen wrote:

dear selene:

welcome, congrats, and warm fuzzies!

glad you made it here, and i'm sure this is one of the right places for you to be (judging by own experience here, but everybody's kind and supportive whatever issues one may be dealing with, whether life-shaping in scale or tiny day-to-day stuff).

even those of us (like me) who aren't "on your team" are definitely "on your side;" welcome again, and glad to see you.

Thank you. Though I think we are all on the same team...sadly alot of people seem to just forget this. Or atleast they can do is play their game and not worry about what game others are playing.


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Selene Spires wrote:

Yeah I have always been attracted to women. I mean I have sometimes fantasize being with men...but in RL I have never found any man to be attractive. I do plan on being upfront about myself. As a lack of communication can lead to a messy break up as you found out...luckily I do have the proper words.

As I said my alias is from a character I play. She is from a teenage superhero game I play (still do but the character are not teens anymore). She was just discovering she was a lesbian...she went on dates with guys...but they never seem to click with her...and she felt strangely attracted to a super villainess. Eventually she went on a date with a girl. As my character was going down this path..it really connected to me. I got really into this character's head.

If I ever get anything published I think I am going to use it as my pen name.

Oh, I find men both IRL and otherwise quite attractive. And women as well. From a pure attraction side of things, I'm pretty much dead-center bi.

But yeah, from a relationship stand point, I lean lesbian. Fortunately, I found a partner who embraced who I am. Actually, one of the first things she said to me when we started dating was that she'd support me if I decided to actually go through a transition. I chose not to for various reasons, but it was always good to know that she supported me.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I can name a specific character who defines my journey - there have been a lot of characters over the years, and many of them played a part - but I do have my personal favorite. Desria, my Oracle of Passion (using the passion mystery that I homebrewed here on the paizo forums years ago). If I have a character who is the idealized version of myself, it's her.

And on that note...

Rysky wrote:

Oh and also,

*offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*

**hugs**


@zelgadas: The idea of with being with a guy does not seem impossible to me...I am leaving myself open to it. I never really dated...I lacked the confidence...now since I am feeling much better about myself who know.


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Selene Spires wrote:

@zelgadas: The idea of with being with a guy does not seem impossible to me...I am leaving myself open to it. I never really dated...I lacked the confidence...now since I am feeling much better about myself who know.

Fair enough.

I will say this - make sure the guy is aware of your situation. Actually, that goes for basically anyone, male or female - having that out in the open on the ground floor makes a world of difference.

Or, well, it did for me. I have only myself as a baseline, so...

Dark Archive

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Zelgadas Greyward wrote:


I will say this - make sure the guy is aware of your situation. Actually, that goes for basically anyone, male or female - having that out in the open on the ground floor makes a world of difference.

Good advice. When I first started talking to my girlfriend, I thought she was cis. After a brief period of vetting, she made it a priority to let me know ahead of time before we went on our first real date just so there wasn't any hurt feelings or potential embarrassment. I appreciated the gesture since it showed she was invested in my feelings. Lucky for both of us, I don't mind at all and it's been a good 3-1/4 years.

I've also heard anecdotal stories of people flipping out if they don't know ahead of time, but none of my housemates have stories like that.

Silver Crusade

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Welcome to the thread Selene! Sorry for being late to the party. It's been a rough last few days, so I haven't had much energy to check the thread.

I am a trans woman as well, and I'm currently almost 17 months on HRT. I used to think I was pan or bi or something (despite the fact that I found the thought of a relationship with a man sickeningly repulsive). After coming out and getting comfortable with who I am, I figured out that I'm just a stone-cold lesbian. Being able to finally lay claim to that identity was instrumental to my mental health, as I had kept it from myself for so long.


Zelgadas Greyward wrote:
Selene Spires wrote:

@zelgadas: The idea of with being with a guy does not seem impossible to me...I am leaving myself open to it. I never really dated...I lacked the confidence...now since I am feeling much better about myself who know.

Fair enough.

I will say this - make sure the guy is aware of your situation. Actually, that goes for basically anyone, male or female - having that out in the open on the ground floor makes a world of difference.

Or, well, it did for me. I have only myself as a baseline, so...

Yeah I have seen that explode from the straight side...it got ugly. As a matter of fact outside of family that is one of two friends I plan to come out till I get alot more comfortable.

So do plan on being upfront about it.


Hrothdane wrote:

Welcome to the thread Selene! Sorry for being late to the party. It's been a rough last few days, so I haven't had much energy to check the thread.

I am a trans woman as well, and I'm currently almost 17 months on HRT. I used to think I was pan or bi or something (despite the fact that I found the thought of a relationship with a man sickeningly repulsive). After coming out and getting comfortable with who I am, I figured out that I'm just a stone-cold lesbian. Being able to finally lay claim to that identity was instrumental to my mental health, as I had kept it from myself for so long.

Thank you.

Yeah I can relate to that mental health. I am so happy and excited right now. I admit there is a little fear in how people I know will react.


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It's official.

I got the promotion at my day job.

I don't know what this means for my second job yet. But... Yeah. Pretty big moment.

Dark Archive

Freehold DM wrote:

It's official.

I got the promotion at my day job.

I don't know what this means for my second job yet. But... Yeah. Pretty big moment.

Congratulations!


Freehold DM wrote:

It's official.

I got the promotion at my day job.

I don't know what this means for my second job yet. But... Yeah. Pretty big moment.

Yay! Congrats!


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Freehold DM wrote:

It's official.

I got the promotion at my day job.

I don't know what this means for my second job yet. But... Yeah. Pretty big moment.

Congrats. Freehold DM.

You should celebrate with a Whedon marathon or something. ;)

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Congratz Freehold, and hey look, Friday!

*offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*

Scarab Sages

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A few days off - wow thread!
- Welcome Moskau, I hope you make yourself comfortable here!
- Welcome Selene and my deepest respect for your courage. I hope your road leads you to good places [like this ;-)]!
- Congrats, Freehold!
*hugs for all who are in need for or just want one*
*feeds a few more logs to campfire elemental*


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*slightly adjusts the scope of its radiance to accomodate the new guests*
*burns bright and cozily warm for a comfortable place to hug, smile and talk*


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* tosses a copper tube in a rubber hose into Campfire Elemental so the flames burn in different colors *

Ooh, pretty.

* sits down in front of Campfire Elemental and adjusts "Free Hugs" sign *


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Uncle Teddy's Bear, Fred wrote:
* tosses a copper tube in a rubber hose into Campfire Elemental so the flames burn in different colors *

*crackling happily*


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feytharn wrote:

A few days off - wow thread!

- Welcome Moskau, I hope you make yourself comfortable here!
- Welcome Selene and my deepest respect for your courage. I hope your road leads you to good places [like this ;-)]!
- Congrats, Freehold!
*hugs for all who are in need for or just want one*
*feeds a few more logs to campfire elemental*

Thanks feythan. It really has. I really can't describe how elated I feel...about everything. I so want to just talk about it..every little thing. This being my only outlet so far...I am trying to refrain from doing it so I don't talk people's ears off.


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Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Please feel free to talk about as much or as little you want - whatever makes you comfortable. With this group I don't think you have to worry about talking anyone's ears off.

Scarab Sages

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Don't worry, I have spare-ears somewhere (they were lent to me by someone else.)


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feytharn wrote:
Don't worry, I have spare-ears somewhere (they were lent to me by someone else.)

With or without the previous owner's consent? :)

Scarab Sages

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John Napier 698 wrote:
feytharn wrote:
Don't worry, I have spare-ears somewhere (they were lent to me by someone else.)
With or without the previous owner's consent? :)

I asked if he wanted it back, but he didn't answer...now I wonder if he did hear me?!


feytharn wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
feytharn wrote:
Don't worry, I have spare-ears somewhere (they were lent to me by someone else.)
With or without the previous owner's consent? :)
I asked if he wanted it back, but he didn't answer...now I wonder if he did hear me?!

Was he still breathing?

Scarab Sages

He lent me his ear, he didn't lose his heart to me...


Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

~Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key...~

Was GOING to add a url, but I can't seem to find anything out there that isn't a freakin' cover of it, which kind of kills the vibe I had... sigh

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