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Bob, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I have no useful advice as to what to say to her—but take care of yourself through this time, and don't be afraid to reach out to friends and family for help and support.
I don't have any advice either, Bob. I just hope you are able to say goodbye and gain some meaningful closure. :)
Latest news on Orlando out of the LA Times even is that the shooter may have been a Pulse regular.. and a user of Grindr and other apps.
So.. there may be a bit of self-hate going on.
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Latest news on Orlando out of the LA Times even is that the shooter may have been a Pulse regular.. and a user of Grindr and other apps.
So.. there may be a bit of self-hate going on.
indeed.
Considering the distance traveled, I am worried he may have been a jilted lover.
Latest news on Orlando out of the LA Times even is that the shooter may have been a Pulse regular.. and a user of Grindr and other apps.
So.. there may be a bit of self-hate going on.
So you're saying we live in a society where an appreciable minority (majority?) thinks homosexuality is wrong, and the people who are gay might just experience such profound self-loathing that they either put a gun to their head and pull the trigger, or even worse, do what this guy did?
Perish the thought...
Sadly...
I will take the time to say another option is that he planned it for 3 years.. learned how to maximize the casualties.
Not sure that is any better.
I seem to remember one of the Paris attackers used to hang out at gay clubs too.
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Wrote a Pathfinder-related thing as part of dealing with the events in Florida and thought I'd share. I'm rather self-conscious about it but that hardly seems important--if it helps anyone even a little, I figure I should post it. So. (Under the cut for length.)
Erastil, Old Deadeye, watch over our community and protect us from harm. Drive out those speaking and acting against us, and stop them from killing our kin and tearing us apart any longer. Help us provide for each other in our time of need and to build each other up, stronger than ever, in the face of darkness and fear.
Sarenrae, let your light burn away the lies of those that even now seek to obscure the truth, to twist tragedy to their own ends. With sword and flame purge the cruelty and callousness from the hearts of those that could commit or permit such atrocities. Bless us and warm us and keep us in your light, far from violence and despair.
Arshea, grant us deliverance; do not let tragedy diminish our beauty even as they strive to mutilate those made in your image. Help us embrace your radiance in ourselves, joyous and undimmed, and renew our spirits even in the face of atrocity and pain.
Calistria, vengeful lady, tear your nails like daggers into all who have hurt us. Defend our right to praise you if we choose, how we choose, without being forced to cut ourselves off from you for the sake of a begrudging tolerance. Stand in testament to our anger, real and valid, buzzing like wasps and burning like the sun. Though we must not meet violence with violence, surely it is not too much to wish the stings and misfortunes of your ill favor upon those who have drenched themselves in our blood.
Desna guide us and help us seek out a world where one day we may be free from the shadows of hate. Take our hands as we walk our paths and help us hold on to dreams in the darkness. And please, please, for pity’s sake, grant us luck on the journey.
Cayden Cailean be there for all of us who could use a friend--a listening ear, a warm hearth, a shoulder for us to lean on. Help us keep our capacity for joy, and remind us to hold our friends close now more than ever. Pour out a drink for us that could use one, and shield us from dependence and addiction in the face of deep grief and cutting pain.
Iomedae, righteous Inheritor, sway and redeem those whose hate might yet be purged. Help them to find goodness and compassion in their hearts even after all they have done. Teach us how to show kindness and forgiveness--qualities all too rare--even in the depths of struggle and sorrow. Show us how to defend the good in this world without giving up and without giving in to hatefulness and horror ourselves. Lead us to fight with integrity, O Lady of Valor, and keep from casting pain and burdens on others’ shoulders in the process.
Torag watch over us and be our champion as we fight for our homes and families and all the forms they take. Help us to defend ourselves and each other tirelessly and honorably, for as long as it may take until there is justice and safety for all. Show us how to find the fire in our hearts and how to forge with it something strong--a home to be our refuge, armor to be our protection, a shield to guard not just our own kin but all who suffer injustice.
Pharasma, guide the souls of those who have been dying, in ones and twos and tens and thousands. Watch over them and allow to find peace and rest at last. Shield our souls from the ravages of evil, from the cruel and senseless violence sending so many of our kin before you. Goddess of prophecy, surely you must know that this was not their time?
Milani, grant us your defiant strength--the courage to stand up and fight for ourselves, for our lovers and friends, and to plant ourselves like a rose even in the ashes and push upward and onward. Give us the strength to fight back against oppressors, against those who would rip away our rights to freedom and love and life itself. Raise up your voice and help us find our own. Help us find hope even now when all is darkest, and show us how to spread it from heart to heart.
And Shelyn, goddess of beauty, artist and lover forever indomitable, help us follow you even through our pain. Help us not to hide our hearts away in sorrow. Help us follow your example by continuing to make art and love and beauty with all that we are, even in the face of unspeakable horror. Help us find love instead of hatred or emptiness, and to work at remaking the ugliness of this world. Show us how to love freely, truly, with abundance and abandon and pure unadulterated passion, no matter what. We are your children. Help us. Help us, as we struggle to follow you even now. Now more than ever, we need your presence. Please, Eternal Rose, Incorruptible. Help us.
Wrote a Pathfinder-related thing as part of dealing with the events in Florida and thought I'd share. I'm rather self-conscious about it but that hardly seems important--if it helps anyone even a little, I figure I should post it. So. (Under the cut for length.)
** spoiler omitted **...
TPQ, while the sentiment is heart-felt and focused, there are parts of it that could be misconstrued dangerously. Still, it is better than many of the other things I've seen on this recently.
May wisdom, patience, and insight guide us all through these and other troubled times and places.
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I have decided not to call her. It's a long story, but I don't really know her. I haven't seen or talked to her more than a dozen times since she left in 1980. I got my closure years ago. She doesn't need to know anything about me. She is a stranger and I don't feel the need to open up to her.
I don't want her to die. She's still someone who has loved ones. She is older and her life would be coming to a close soon anyway. She has brought this on herself with the drugs and alcohol. She doesn't deserve the pain, but she does have to accept that it's her own doibg.
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TPQ, while the sentiment is heart-felt and focused, there are parts of it that could be misconstrued dangerously.
I did consciously try to avoid or ameliorate those dangers as much as possible without sugar-coating events or denying the emotions a lot of us are going through. It's a difficult line to walk, though, and I am far from the most qualified to walk it.
In the future there are definitely edits I would make along these and other lines--I wanted to get this out as a timely response and while I still had the courage up to share it, but I can already spot changes I wish I could make.
In the meantime, all I think I can do is hope I haven't been irresponsible in my expression of this mix of rage/grief/disbelief/etc, and add a vehement disclaimer that I absolutely do not condone violence of any kind.
Still, it is better than many of the other things I've seen on this recently.
Thank you.
May wisdom, patience, and insight guide us all through these and other troubled times and places.
Wholeheartedly agreed.
RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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Wrote a Pathfinder-related thing as part of dealing with the events in Florida and thought I'd share. I'm rather self-conscious about it but that hardly seems important--if it helps anyone even a little, I figure I should post it. So. (Under the cut for length.)
** spoiler omitted **...
well f%## now i'm crying
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well f*$* now i'm cryingWrote a Pathfinder-related thing as part of dealing with the events in Florida and thought I'd share. I'm rather self-conscious about it but that hardly seems important--if it helps anyone even a little, I figure I should post it. So. (Under the cut for length.)
** spoiler omitted **...
Yes
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Wrote a Pathfinder-related thing as part of dealing with the events in Florida and thought I'd share. I'm rather self-conscious about it but that hardly seems important--if it helps anyone even a little, I figure I should post it. So. (Under the cut for length.)
** spoiler omitted **...
You did a labor of light and love here.
And you showed far more restraint than the vast majority of people.
I thank you for giving this to us and I know many share my feelings.
Once again thank you
There is a long history of rejection from her. I don't know if I want to go through it again.
If you think you ought to, you should, because you'll likely regret it forever otherwise.
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I have decided not to call her. It's a long story, but I don't really know her. I haven't seen or talked to her more than a dozen times since she left in 1980. I got my closure years ago. She doesn't need to know anything about me. She is a stranger and I don't feel the need to open up to her.
I don't want her to die. She's still someone who has loved ones. She is older and her life would be coming to a close soon anyway. She has brought this on herself with the drugs and alcohol. She doesn't deserve the pain, but she does have to accept that it's her own doibg.
I'm glad you came up with something that works for you.
Wrote a Pathfinder-related thing as part of dealing with the events in Florida and thought I'd share. I'm rather self-conscious about it but that hardly seems important--if it helps anyone even a little, I figure I should post it. So. (Under the cut for length.)
** spoiler omitted **...
Lovely.
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I have decided not to call her.
What ever your decision, in the future remember that you made the best decision you could at the time.
It's never easy and people (especially other family members) will second guess you and try to make you feel bad because you made a different decision than they think you "should" have.
"Should" is a red-flag that someone who is not you is fantasizing about what they think they would do in the circumstances. They don't have the same values that you have. They don't have the same data you have. They aren't you.
Manage your own well being. No one else in the world can take better care of you than you. And only you know what is best in this situation. With the information you have right now you're doing your best.
I am estranged from my elderly mother, and I've made my peace with my decision. Other people in my family disagree with me, but they can't live my life. I reserve the right to change my mind, but with my current information about myself and about her, this is the right decision.
You can only do your best in the moment. Don't look back later using hindsight and retcon the past.
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Once again thank you
Thanks so so much to you and everyone for the kind responses. Just glad I had something to offer.
And thank you all for being here! Always meant to join in but never seemed to find the right time to introduce myself. Even just knowing there's a thread full of fellow LGBTQ Pathfinders out there helps sometimes though.
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Thank you all for your support. I'm going to probably take a break from the Internet for a while. I need more time away from the grid. I have also found a new psychiatrist. My old one is retiring. I decided to find one who specializes in ptsd and lgbt stuff. I need the ptsd help more than anything else, but I think having someone who can help me navigate this world will be a huge boon.
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For people who need a little emotional boost, there's a nice hashtag that started up on twitter, #queerselflove.
Lots and lots of LGBTQ people posting pictures and descriptions of themselves, from all over the queer spectrum. Lovely to see.
Take care of yourselves, everyone.
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Thank you all for your support. I'm going to probably take a break from the Internet for a while. I need more time away from the grid. I have also found a new psychiatrist. My old one is retiring. I decided to find one who specializes in ptsd and lgbt stuff. I need the ptsd help more than anything else, but I think having someone who can help me navigate this world will be a huge boon.
I know how painful it can be when a psychiatrist decides to retire and you have to search for a new one. Here's hoping you are able to build a rapport with the new one quickly.
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Sometimes it is the little things...
So I went through a divorce(prior to Jenner), the (now-ex) wife in her infinite wisdom decided to play her martyr card and out me. Realizing she was doing me a favor, I took ownership of it and came out on my terms to my children.
They accepted me. I no longer maintain the strict male facade of the last few decades.
Today, my oldest daughter surprised me with an early Father's Day event. She took me out for a pedicure. Truly the first actual Father's Day gift I honestly appreciated. Didn't get a Manicure cuz job. sadface.
FYI: Sparkly blue tourquise for those who want to know.
Bob: The only reason you should call her at all is if you need her approval. Sadly, the children who need their parents' approval are typically the same that don't get that approval. But, it doesn't sound like you do. She is a stranger to you now. It is a strange time to get to know a stranger, wouldn't you say? You made a good decision. Take comfort in that, and don't second-guess yourself.
*offers hug*
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Thank you Sissyl!
So I know that I said I was going to stay off the internet for a bit. I am still working on getting the therapy I need. My new doctor is focused on medication and is trying to find someone who specializes in my needs for talk therapy. It may be a little while before I have what I need.
That being said, she did give me a list of people that she knows in the Seattle area who are offering pro bono help for the LGBT community specifically surrounding the Orlando shooting. I hope it's ok to post that list here.
Stacey Nagle: Offering pro bono services to those in the LGBTQ community who are affected by the Orlando shooting who cannot afford therapy: www.staceynagle.com
Paulette de Coriolis: Offering pro bono therapy for members of the LGBTQIA community who need help dealing with the mass shooting in Orlando, but who cannot afford therapy. She is particularly reaching out to trans people of color and trans Muslims. Her office is in Redmond: paulettecounseling.com
Ann Lazaroff: Offering pro bono therapy for members of the LGBTQ community who need help dealing with the mass shooting in Orlando, but who cannot afford therapy. She is particularly reaching out to LGBTQ people of color, and LGBTQ Muslims. annlazarofftherapy.com
Katie Stickney: Offering pro bono counseling to queer folks, especially youg people and those wrestling with spirituality/faith questions that this may bring up. (I am part of the Christian tradition, but on the radical anti-oppressive margins of it). I have offices in Redmond and Cap Hill. 206-407-9675 and counseling@katiestickney.com
Thank you Sissyl!
So I know that I said I was going to stay off the internet for a bit. I am still working on getting the therapy I need. My new doctor is focused on medication and is trying to find someone who specializes in my needs for talk therapy. It may be a little while before I have what I need.
That being said, she did give me a list of people that she knows in the Seattle area who are offering pro bono help for the LGBT community specifically surrounding the Orlando shooting. I hope it's ok to post that list here.
Stacey Nagle: Offering pro bono services to those in the LGBTQ community who are affected by the Orlando shooting who cannot afford therapy: www.staceynagle.com
Paulette de Coriolis: Offering pro bono therapy for members of the LGBTQIA community who need help dealing with the mass shooting in Orlando, but who cannot afford therapy. She is particularly reaching out to trans people of color and trans Muslims. Her office is in Redmond: paulettecounseling.com
Ann Lazaroff: Offering pro bono therapy for members of the LGBTQ community who need help dealing with the mass shooting in Orlando, but who cannot afford therapy. She is particularly reaching out to LGBTQ people of color, and LGBTQ Muslims. annlazarofftherapy.com
Katie Stickney: Offering pro bono counseling to queer folks, especially youg people and those wrestling with spirituality/faith questions that this may bring up. (I am part of the Christian tradition, but on the radical anti-oppressive margins of it). I have offices in Redmond and Cap Hill. 206-407-9675 and counseling@katiestickney.com
bob, this is perhaps the most wonderful thing I have seen on an already wonderful thread. Pro bono help can be impossible to find sometimes.
Vroom vroom!
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Sorry been gone for a bit.
Wanted to give my thoughts on the past topic of the ISIS shooter. Much of this is not for you, but for me trying to muddle through my thoughts and the shock from when it happened.
I'm a little too wordy, and I know that, but there's one thing I wanted to share about one victim there that I think showed more bravery than I really can even express.
Brenda Lee Marquez McCool was a 49 year old woman who went to the club with her son Isaiah that night. Many of those who went to Pulse would know her and her support for LGBT. She had moved to Orlando from California. She had survived Cancer, but she loved her kids. She was there enjoying the club with her son. She has a facebook page and she posted a video that night (prior to the tragedy) of the club activities. If you see that and realize what happened after that, I think it could hit home just how terrible this tragedy is.
When the shooting began, she told Isaiah "Get Down" which he did and she moved in front of him. She got shot protecting him after that. She literally saved her son's life.
I can't express just how choked up that makes me, and how much her sacrifice really expresses the love right there.
I consider the shooter a terrorist, whether they were connected to ISIS or not, their entire reason was to express their own delusional thoughts of superiority to scare, quash, and destroy our freedoms and independence. Those who died should be celebrated for their individuality and remembered while that terrorist is forgotten. We cannot let someone like this silence those he sought to silence, but instead let their voices ring out for everyone else to hear.
Sorry, I'll let everyone get back to their talk now, I just wanted to get a little off my chest, and pray that such a thing as this never happens again.
All mass shooters are basically terrorists and most seem to have motivation consistent with that.
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On a more happy note: Congrats, Wrecky! Glad your kids accept you.
Personally, after a little while, I've gotten off of Zoloft, which is a major step forward. I'll hopefully going to the local LGBTQIA+ support group, and I'm in the process of finding a good therapist to treat me for gender dysphoria and hopefully get me on antiandrogens, at least.
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I, uh, don't check in here often but I wanted to squeal and mention that I submitted the paperwork for my legal name change today!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Brenda Lee Marquez McCool was a 49 year old woman who went to the club with her son Isaiah that night. Many of those who went to Pulse would know her and her support for LGBT. She had moved to Orlando from California. She had survived Cancer, but she loved her kids. She was there enjoying the club with her son. She has a facebook page and she posted a video that night (prior to the tragedy) of the club activities. If you see that and realize what happened after that, I think it could hit home just how terrible this tragedy is.
When the shooting began, she told Isaiah "Get Down" which he did and she moved in front of him. She got shot protecting him after that. She literally saved her son's life.
I can't express just how choked up that makes me, and how much her sacrifice really expresses the love right there.
This past Sunday the (openly gay) pastor of my church read the names and a short bio of all of the fatal victims of the Orlando shooting during the service, as part of a prayer for healing. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. I somehow managed to hold it together until he read about Brenda...
Been watching I am Jazz on TLC...
Any pitfalls with watching this for educational purposes?
Thanks everyone! It means a lot me. I've been keeping it kinda quiet IRL due to Family Politics(tm), so to have people that Get It - it's great. It's taken me six years to finally get to the point where I'm like "yeah! gonna do it!". I'm so happy.
I hope your family comes to be more understanding.
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That's much better news from my homeland than of late.
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The Pentagon has lifted the ban barring trans folk from serving in the US military. The exact details are unclear—apparently incoming members must be stable in their gender identity for 18 months before enlisting, but those already in the military will be covered for hormone therapy and surgery. Presumably the latter would also apply to future recruits who begin transitioning only after enlisting? More info needed. But yay!
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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Similarly to how many people join the U.S. military to get assistance with paying for college, I suspect trans people will join up as a way to get assistance with the costs of hormones and surgery.
And maybe it'll help, but this does (practically) nothing to address the larger problems with America's f##+ed up military. Maybe trans folks will get some medical assistance, but this feels less like justice and more like tapping into a new group of disenfranchised people to exploit.