I was trying to chat up a barmaid, and the party witch cast fumbletongue on me. I suspect this is revenge for rubbing bacon all over her while she was asleep and then letting the druid's wolf companion into her tent. That in and of itself was revenge for casting vocal alteration on me during our last shopping trip to make me sound like I'd been inhaling helium. This sort of behavior between my paladin and her witch has been going on since the campaign started, but I'm running out of clever pranks. Would you guys help me out here?
Kelsey.... your writing style is rather transparent.
Huh?
Theres a time to let go... declare a truce or if it must continue, set boundries. At the end of the day she holds the advantage - there is a point you won't go beyond... she hasn't got that restriction.
Sand in her boots seems kinda lame, capturing her familiar and sending off to a animal shelter is kinda harsh.
Try something in the way of shaving her eyebrows if you must... especially if she has the kind that can wave around and do things... they grow back fast so no biggie.
OR maybe some fake wanted posters? A carniture drawing of her and "Wanted - For tickles and fun with Snookie, lord of the great staff" or something of that like.
Yea, sand doesn't sound funny, and going after her animal companion is going too far. Shaving just seems pointless, and the posters are meh.
*Goes back to plotting*
What about glue on the soles of her boots? First two steps and she has all manner of random stuff stuck there (throw around some larger pinecones and stone that while looking innocuous are pretty ungainly to walk upon). Of yourse you can glue something on the boots right from the start...
LazarX's cunning analysis of writing belies the fact that anyone can figure out who a poster really is by clicking on the name (Kelsey has an easier time of deduction because her main profile has her name on it.)
Anyways.... a couple of questions, then some more general suggesstions:
1. Paladin of What/Who. That should help with figuring out what limits the limits are for your code.
2. How is the familiar getting played? Is it just another animal that happens to also kinda be a spell-book? or is it an intelligent being that communicates w/ the party? If the later, see if it's willing to prank a little bit.
General suggestions:
Replace the familiar with another, albeit mundane animal of it's type. That way when the witch is trying to prepare spells, it doesn't work, flustering her a bit. Of course giving the familiar back to her so that she can then prepare her spells is for the best.
Jokingly "feed" her familiar to her. Obviously not actually killing and cooking the thing, just another more mundane animal into a stew.
Paint pranks, either by having some fall on her, or by dipping her familiar and coloring it that way. She'd really appreciate a hot-pink fox!
On a related note, if the familiar has fur, shave it. Birds are trickier seeing as how follicle damage from plucking is easy, which means the feathers won't grow back.
Jeranimus, my Paladin is polytheistic. I follow the general code given in the CRB, but neither me nor the witch has done anything that can hurt someone or effect us in combat or anything else important. That seems to be the unwritten limit on behavior.
I like the idea of recoloring her familiar, but how do I do it without magic? Paint is right out. You don't want that in your fur.
Uh... Declare a truce before you stop being Lawful Good. This is either chaotic, evil, or both. I can't decide.
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Uh... Declare a truce before you stop being Lawful Good. This is either chaotic, evil, or both. I can't decide.
It's not evil because nobody is hurting anyone or messing with anyone during something important (like talking to a noble or during combat), and it's not illegal because nobody is breaking any laws. It's just a bit of harmless fun, which a paladin can engage in so long as nobody gets hurt or does anything criminal.
Sneezing Powder 60 gp, APG p. 185
Sovereign Glue in her boots (or gloves) is a classic...
Colored Powders, or dyed flower, are both non-permanent and easily washed off in a bath/river/shower/what have you.
A polytheistic paladin is none the less interesting if not a little strange for my tastes. Regardless, since the CRB is the guideline for code, I'll talk to the GM about the prankings (assuming you haven't already done so), clarifying that so long as the pranks are both harmless and don't break the law that it wouldn't risk the paladin falling.
That way you have for sure a clear idea as to what your GM is o.k. with, and what they're not. Especially since the CRB's paladin code essentially reads "GM fiat controls your class abilities."
Rod of Wonder. Just....Rod of Wonder.
Let the chart decide the next step.
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Marry the Witch. Haves babies. Then stop fighting for the sake of the kids.
It occurs to me that the above is taking it too quickly. So an alternative:
Kiss the Witch! Give her the most embarrass/longing/love-smitten look you have and then leave her confused. (Let her own mind run wild!
After this you can go back to marry her.
Marry the Witch. Haves babies. Then stop fighting for the sake of the kids.
I just remembered Hey! Arnold.
Then I remembered the first few scenes of My Bestfriend's Girl.
Marry the Witch. Haves babies. Then stop fighting for the sake of the kids.It occurs to me that the above is taking it too quickly. So an alternative:
Kiss the Witch! Give her the most embarrass/longing/love-smitten look you have and then leave her confused. (Let her own mind run wild!
...
THAT! And tell her that you always knew that the pranks are her way of showing affection ;)
She either stops or ...
Shave the familiarActually this is a good one... right up until she paints your warhorse pink
I'd actually be reculant to do that, as the familiar is an intelligent being that may or may not be part of the game. If it ever chose to do this, I wouldn't hesitate though, but it can come back at you.
(neon sign "I like big butts" on horse's rear and suggestion on pally not to perceive it)
RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32
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Hire a fairy dragon to follow her. They love to play tricks and you can claim innocence.
There are LOTS of camping pranks boy scouts have pulled on each other for as long as 12 year olds have camped in large groups together.
Sew one of the legs on her pants closed.
Move her tent, or sleeping bag, in the night to another location.
If the party is willing, convince everyone to move everything in the camp while she is asleep. Over time, it really messes with people's minds.
Poking a hole in a camp cup or water skin so when they try to drink from it they get soaked.
Create Pit under the tent.
Stack wood, or create a wood fence, around their tent tall enough that they can't even see over it standing up. They then have to move the fence or wood.
If in a tavern, having weird things sent to her room is pretty fun. If she has a special guest it makes for really funny moments. "Your lotion of remove disease mam. Sorry about your condition." or "Your tub of river water and fish. Would you like a pole for that?"
Pay someone to cast Prestidigitation on her food or drink to taste like something completely different. Don't do something disgusting, just different.
Remember, you are playing a paladin so make sure it is all light hearted. When she gets you, laugh it off and congratulate her. In fact, passing a coin or token back and forth would encourage the more friendly types of pranks, while discouraging them being done when you hold the token (I am suggesting the person holding the token NOT play the prank.) Also, if something goes TOO far, be sure to be the better person and not try to one up it. Calmly explain you felt that was too much and ask that they apologize.
Never, ever take a prank too far yourself. They should never put the witch in harm, stop them from doing their job, or harm your relationship with them. At the end of the day you want to be able laugh with them about the prank. Buy them a drink to help make up for it and let them know you Expect them to try and get you back. Don't do anything to harm something they hold dear or sacred, that means the familiar is untouchable as it is her source of spells.
Have fun with it, but don't make it a malicious competition.
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Marry the Witch. Haves babies. Then stop fighting for the sake of the kids.It occurs to me that the above is taking it too quickly. So an alternative:
Kiss the Witch! Give her the most embarrass/longing/love-smitten look you have and then leave her confused. (Let her own mind run wild!
...
THAT! And tell her that you always knew that the pranks are her way of showing affection ;)
She either stops or ...
OR you...
Shave the familiarActually this is a good one... right up until she paints your warhorse pinkI'd actually be reculant to do that, as the familiar is an intelligent being that may or may not be part of the game. If it ever chose to do this, I wouldn't hesitate though, but it can come back at you.
(neon sign "I like big butts" on horse's rear and suggestion on pally not to perceive it)
AND add the words, "I LOVE U" on your horse in PINK to show your love and affection for her.
ALSO! Each time she does something to you... go up to her and start a conversation with the words "When you(the witch), (her action, etc fumbletongued.) me(Paladin), it makes you(the witch) look so HOT..." and end it with a BIG kiss on her lips. (This gets even better if you have fumbletongue on you. Since she will be totally caught off guard by the kiss.)
Keep it up and she will fall for you!...... ... ... or she kills herself.
*NOTE: Acting is great for RP! So ACT OUT what your Paladin does to the Witch's player is a GREAT way to be "in-character"!
Perfume her familiar. Massively, in the most obnoxious floral scent possible.
Have you considered contracting and then passing lycanthropy to the witch?
If that is not possible/your style/too malicious, I'd suggest the use of marvelous pigments. Get creative with painting.
Kiss the Witch! Give her the most embarrass/longing/love-smitten look you have and then leave her confused. (Let her own mind run wild!)
Nothing like spicing up pranks with some good ol' fanservice. =D
My group once paid a particularly talented bard, specialized in the sublime art of erotic paintings, to do a portrayal of two members of our group in a particular... scene.
What made the prank more funny was that the two players had missed the gaming session where they got drugged by a trap in a dungeon, lost conscience and we had to drag them back to the city. One was a female paladin of Kelemvor (the god of death in Forgotten Realms) and the other a warrior who was a boy of 16. We got the painting, made copies by magic, and when they woke up (in the next gaming session), the paintings where hanged in the entire inn and tavern... Good times.
That may give you an idea.
well, my sorcerer once pranked our monk by casting message at random every time he was on guard duty, sending him meaningless half-whispers. it was rather funny, but the monk had no sense of humour. rest of the party was less deficient. not much help for the paladin, i grant you, but still not bad.
also, i direct you here
Kelsey.... your writing style is rather transparent.Huh?
LazarX is implying that you are hiding under an alias, but are not very good at it since your writting style is rather easy to recognize.
Tough I doubt you're "hiding" since A) You kept the same icon you first used for your other alias and B) Simply mousing over the current alias shows the most used aliases anyways.
As for the pranks... Stake a fake "torches and pitchfork mob that wants to burn the witch at the stake" prank (up to having casters to use very convincing illusions of flames growing and feeling hot, without actually being dangerous. But make sure it's, well, fake; and finish it with a big party bash for her (that starts when the "flames" reach her, and turn into butterflies or some such).
You know, like a fake kidnapping surprise party setup, but with more flavor.
Bucket of water, works every time. Or drop a house on her.
I once coloured a raven familiar pink, the player who wanted a necromancer who was all in black was not happy.
I would sneak in at night and put/glue a (fake) wart on her nose. Hope you're really sneaky.
Switch her broom of flying for a normal broom.
Dye all her clothing pink.
Ask a wizard friend for a cool homemade curse, like "produce white foam around your mouth when children are close".
If her familiar is intelligent enough, try to convert it to your religion.
Edit: p.s. you can't win against a witch, I hope you know that, she has curses, scar hex, lots of spells, no moral restrictions a familiar ...
replace one of her offensive wands with a wand of silly strings (prestidigitation?) then hire some thugs to brutilize her. Classic.
Get a wand of maturity use it on yourself.
Thanks for the suggestions, guys. These are all pretty good.
Not really. there's no preventing anyone from opening up multiple separate accounts on this board.LazarX's cunning analysis of writing belies the fact that anyone can figure out who a poster really is by clicking on the name (Kelsey has an easier time of deduction because her main profile has her name on it.)
Yes. Lazyness. Works wonders on me. ;p
Figure out how many tanglefoot bags it would take to encase her and then encase her in her sleep. Then tie her to a tree.
Have you already put her hand in a bowl of warm water while she's asleep? That would show her.
If you could find a way to hoist her tent off the ground while she's asleep, that's another good one. Nothing like rolling out of the sack and finding that it's 5 feet off the ground.
Filling her shoes with plaster might be interesting too.
I was trying to chat up a barmaid, and the party witch cast fumbletongue on me. I suspect this is revenge for rubbing bacon all over her while she was asleep and then letting the druid's wolf companion into her tent. That in and of itself was revenge for casting vocal alteration on me during our last shopping trip to make me sound like I'd been inhaling helium. This sort of behavior between my paladin and her witch has been going on since the campaign started, but I'm running out of clever pranks. Would you guys help me out here?
What type of paladin are you playing exactly?
Uh... Declare a truce before you stop being Lawful Good. This is either chaotic, evil, or both. I can't decide.It's not evil because nobody is hurting anyone or messing with anyone during something important (like talking to a noble or during combat), and it's not illegal because nobody is breaking any laws. It's just a bit of harmless fun, which a paladin can engage in so long as nobody gets hurt or does anything criminal.
I don't think that Squawk was implying that your pranks are illegal (which is one possible opposite of lawful), but rather that they are capricious and chaotic (which is the far more important consideration for a paladin of any religion).
If your patron is a little looser than the traditional LG paladin smite-'em-til-they're-sorry kind of god, then the friendly pranks are probably looked at as a party morale booster, as well as a way to keep things from getting genuinely tense between you and the witch. Many NG gods would probably be fine with this sort of friendly behavior. Strict LG gods, though, may have issues with this kind of frivolity.
Luckily, you have already stated that you are a pantheist, so at least ONE of your patrons has a sense of humor, we're sure.
Chop off her head.
Chop off her head.
nah mate, build a bridge out of her. or check if she weighs the same as a duck. she might just be saying she's a witch, after all!
while this costs wayyyyy too much money, a constantly cast unnatural lust item would be pretty hilarious
with the duration in rounds, the cost is multiplied by 4, so in total, it would be 48k, but you give her a piece of jewelry or something she would wear, and will save every round.
you can probably shave a bit off that if you get a bard to cast it, or another witch (enchantment pact). however, i think that's out of bounds as it'd adversely effect her ability to function, in a particularly malicious way at that. same reason a girdle of opposite gender is out of bounds (you're looking for a quick one-up, not forcing her to permenently change her lifestyle.)
you could get an item that can cast prestidigitation 1/day for what amounts to small change, which would be an ideal way to get non-permenent pranking to level up (many suggestions already out there for that.)
I was trying to chat up a barmaid, and the party witch cast fumbletongue on me. I suspect this is revenge for rubbing bacon all over her while she was asleep and then letting the druid's wolf companion into her tent. That in and of itself was revenge for casting vocal alteration on me during our last shopping trip to make me sound like I'd been inhaling helium. This sort of behavior between my paladin and her witch has been going on since the campaign started, but I'm running out of clever pranks. Would you guys help me out here?What type of paladin are you playing exactly?
One with a sense of humor :)
The witch and I are fairly friendly, and we're both good aligned, so this whole thing is more a fun competition than anything else. As long as neither of us does anything harmful or destructive, the GM is allowing this behavior and ruling that it doesn't violate my code of conduct. The whole table, including the GM, is enjoying this little prank war, so the GM isn't inclined to try and stop it.
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I was trying to chat up a barmaid, and the party witch cast fumbletongue on me. I suspect this is revenge for rubbing bacon all over her while she was asleep and then letting the druid's wolf companion into her tent. That in and of itself was revenge for casting vocal alteration on me during our last shopping trip to make me sound like I'd been inhaling helium. This sort of behavior between my paladin and her witch has been going on since the campaign started, but I'm running out of clever pranks. Would you guys help me out here?What type of paladin are you playing exactly?One with a sense of humor :)
The witch and I are fairly friendly, and we're both good aligned, so this whole thing is more a fun competition than anything else. As long as neither of us does anything harmful or destructive, the GM is allowing this behavior and ruling that it doesn't violate my code of conduct. The whole table, including the GM, is enjoying this little prank war, so the GM isn't inclined to try and stop it.
Humm.... are you really sure that's all there is? :P
btw, what deity does your paladin serve?
I was trying to chat up a barmaid, and the party witch cast fumbletongue on me. I suspect this is revenge for rubbing bacon all over her while she was asleep and then letting the druid's wolf companion into her tent. That in and of itself was revenge for casting vocal alteration on me during our last shopping trip to make me sound like I'd been inhaling helium. This sort of behavior between my paladin and her witch has been going on since the campaign started, but I'm running out of clever pranks. Would you guys help me out here?What type of paladin are you playing exactly?One with a sense of humor :)
The witch and I are fairly friendly, and we're both good aligned, so this whole thing is more a fun competition than anything else. As long as neither of us does anything harmful or destructive, the GM is allowing this behavior and ruling that it doesn't violate my code of conduct. The whole table, including the GM, is enjoying this little prank war, so the GM isn't inclined to try and stop it.
Humm.... are you really sure that's all there is? :P
btw, what deity does your paladin serve?
My paladin is polytheistic. She serves a good aligned homebrew pantheon.
Next time you're in town, slip the inn keeper's daughter a gold piece to slip some bright pink die into the witch's laundry.
Or, if you really want to mess with her head, commission a seamstress to make an exact duplicate of every one of her outfits you can get ahold of that is all shades of pink, complete with pink stains and pink patches wherever they are.
We had a monk who ended up getting cursed into thinking he was a girl. She burned all his black clothes and bought pretty pink ones in their place (female clothes). He was rather upset when he came back to his senses (didn't remember anything). :)