Last one to post wins

[The when]

It!

[Pulg]

No, just me.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

I think that I’ll just go sit over here, and read the postcards we have all forgotten about. Starting with the 16th one.

[Wally the Wandering Wanderer]

*Title: Sea the World’s a Stage!*

Ahoy, Wally fans! We’re out on the high seas listening to a Shanty song contest. We have the Sugar Sailors in their bright pink Candy Ship singing a sweet melody, the Merry Merpeople bringing a tune from under the sea, and there’s even a group of Wailing Whalers amid the bands of boats!

*The scene is set at sea, with an assortment of boats in many different sizes, shapes and colours with the crew on each vessel singing songs and even engaging in a - literal - battle of the bands.*

*Wally is - conveniently enough - intermingled amid those very whalers, Count Heydrich is wooing some of the mermaids, the cat is aboard the boat with people in animal costumes, the knight is being used for an anchor, the mining troll is poking out of a tuba, the monk of fire has been soaked by a tidal wave, the genie moving in and out of portholes, the triceratops is swimming in the sea, the superhero is flying in the air catching a wayward cannonball, the clown has sneakily inserted himself into the line of people who are dressed as fruit, the gymnast is sitting in a small boat and getting her feet tickled by some fish, Elvis Presley has joined some people on a boat themed as a 70’s disco party, the wolf is leaning over the side of one of the larger boats and feeling seasick along with other sailors, the giant is also in the sea making a big wave, the sentient pie is singing with the Sugar Sailors, and, from the previous scene, a snowman is currently sunbathing.*

[The when]

*Begins to strum the zither.*

[Comte de Malodor]

*Begins to strum the sentient pie*

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

Comte de Malodor wrote:

*Begins to strum the sentient pie*

What are you doing here!? And leave that pie alone, it’s not a toy!

*Quickly dispatches Comte de Malodor before he can do anything.*

[Pulg]

Too late for the pie, sadly.

[The when]

A sentient pie was never going to end well, was it?

[Fish-Malkovich]

I think Count Heydrich was trying to stop the sentient pie from biting Comte de Malodor.

Mind you, the rude comments Comte de Malodor wrote on the walls about Pulg, his wives, and other members of his family is deplorable!

[Dowager Comtesse de Malodor]

Nice to know he's learned to write. Given another 15 years or so, he might learn how to tie his own shoelaces, too.

[The Beast of London]

*Suddenly appears before Dowager Comtesse de Malodor out of nowhere, standing tall and menacing.*

RAWR!

*There is a note tied around his neck, it reads: on loan to Dowager Comtesse de Malodor from Count Reiner Heydrich.*

[The when]

Roaharrgh!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

*sings along with conga-line*

They call me Cuban Pineapple!
I'm the King of the Rumba-...-SnappleTM...!

*slowly begins manipulating conga-line into position for weaponization...*

[Pineapple the Clown]

*Joins the conga line, team of putty patrollers (disguised as an assortment of clowns and mimes) in tow.*

[The when]

Porcupineapple Clown! Where have you beeeen!

[Pineapple the Clown]

If you’re talking to me, I have been spending the months in Borneo. And where have you been?

[The when]

Everywhere, all at once.

And you have evoked the Dead Kennedys band: And no one in all of Borneo can hear you scream!
Scream!!!
A growing boy! Needs his lunch! (Repeat a whole bunch of times.)

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

*starts surreptitiously slamming putty-patrollers's faces (such as they are) into comic-books, to see if backwards-images will peel off*

[Pulg]

You hear a lot about the Wild Man of Borneo, but, in fact, his name is Feldman, and he is rather good at Scrabble.

[Fish-Malkovich]

Indeed, he is, I played at least 20 games of Scrabble with him. And I lost each time.

*Spots something unpleasant being committed.*

Oh for goodness sakes, Comte de Malodor, will you please stop writing those crude messages about Pulg and his friends and family!

*Reads a particularly disturbing message on the wall about Pulg.*

And I don’t care if that particular thing is true about him, it’s still not nice!

[Lady Blackmoor]

He's actually angry about pulque - he just can't spell, and is unaware that it's just a traditional Mexican beverage. I'm not exactly sure why he's so angry, either, but I suspect that it has something to do with a recent Experience he had in Tijuana

[Sunomono Slaad]

Lady Blackmoor wrote:

...I suspect that it has something to do with a recent Experience he had in Tijuana

*whistles innocently while driving a taxi....*

[Skiron]

*...whistles remorselessly while appraising/sampling some freshly-harvested organs....*

[Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis]

Fish-Malkovich wrote:

*Reads a particularly disturbing message on the wall about Pulg.*

And I don’t care if that particular thing is true about him, it’s still not nice!

*looks over Fish-Malkovich's shoulder*

..."Genie Genie Tickle Your Farisan"???

My word, one might expect to find such mystagogical doggerel on occasion back in New-Tashboor-On-Ruins-Of-Old, but not here...!

[Fish-Malkovich]

*Turns around to look at Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis.*

Hey, I know you! You’re that guy Jurassic Bard likes, then again, his various other aliases like you as well.

*Gives Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis a hearty pat on the shoulder.*

As it turns out, a Count Reiner Heydrich was looking for you, he needs your aid in some fossil excavation.

[Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis]

OOOOHHH! In that case, I shall be waiting with the appropriate equipment!

*begins work on some kind of terrifying clockwork lamprey with a drill for a mouth*

[Fish-Malkovich]

Excellent, once Count Heydrich gets back from his Fantastic Journey, he’ll be eager to begin working with you!

[The when]

Oh, good. They’re distracted.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Excellent! Now we can put our plan into action!

[The when]

Yes, your excellent plan to further discuss when you first met. In the GoatToucher Salon, on the deck of Titanic, under a bridge, etc, etc.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

*sticks "The when" in the middle of an oversized Newton's-cradle, fires it up*

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Now, you did make sure to account for The when’s temporal nature, yes?

[The when]

*Remains unavailable for any sort of experimentation or abuse.*

[Pulg]

I trust you haven't forgotten about your contrabassoon lessons, though.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

As we both know, Pulg, there’s a difference between forgetting contrabassoon lessons and not showing up.

[Pulg]

Not to the contrabassoon.

[The when]

I always attend the contrabassoon lesson. They have much to learn, and I have much to teach.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Sounds about right, for some reason, Pulg has you written down as a student instead of the teacher.

[The when]

By teaching, you learn to better teach. By learning you learn to better learn.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Now that, is a most refreshing philosophy to have. Did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical School too?

[Pulg]

The When went to Nearly Paris Downstairs Philosophy Academy instead.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

And, by chance, where did you go to receive your various degrees Pulg?

[Pulg]

A thermometer eased up a part I don't have.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

I’m sorry, I meant to say, what educational experience did you get?

[Pulg]

25 years as a singing busby in the regimental band of the Grenadier Guards, and a City and Guilds in inventory management.

[G-unit]

This tread is officially closed. By order of the Smurf overlords..

[Dedrick, The Professor]

You don’t have the authority to do that, and the person who does (GoatToucher), is not here!

[The when]

Nope, not even GoatToucher.