The Beast of London's page

*Suddenly appears before Dowager Comtesse de Malodor out of nowhere, standing tall and menacing.*

RAWR!

*There is a note tied around his neck, it reads: on loan to Dowager Comtesse de Malodor from Count Reiner Heydrich.*

Starts poking R2-FU, out of silent curiosity. Meanwhile Dedrick, is battling his “washing machine”.

GRAWR!

*Finishes eating the fairy, but is still hungry.*

*Tries eating The when (is unsuccessful, obviously).*

*Meanwhile, Pulg's fairies are outraged that Pulg allowed one of them to be eaten.*

*As such, they have started revolting against him.*

*Doesn't care whether mustard is added or taken away.*

*Starts munching on the rest of the fairy. Its dying screams being ignored.*

*Sneers in total disgust, as flat caps taste horrible.*

*Begins mindlessly eating the leg of one of Pulg's fairies.*

*Dances the flamenco, in a very clumsy manner.*

So... one of the things Global Megacorporation sells is inventory management software. It should be one of our best-selling items, but it's not. Because everyone figures, "How hard could it be?"

Good Egg just took our goodwill towards them, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, heaped on some random animal feces, set it on fire, then danced the Macarena around it. They managed to perform an 8/10 epic fail of inventory management incompetence. (They only get 8 because a form of pie actually showed up and still at least on the day it was supposed to.)

Incompetence Step #1: Oversell
The classic blunder and the reason you need inventory management software. People order days, weeks, or even months in advance. You know how many pies your kitchen can produce. You cut off orders once that limit is reached. And you can easily manage cancellations up to 24 hours in advance by accepting late orders to re-fill.

Instead, we were told at 4:15 pm today that the bakery we'd ordered from had run out of pies, so instead they were going to get us a pie from a discount bulk sales pie shop.

Incompetence Step #2: Punish the customer for your mistakes
So, we were now going to get a discount pie. What did Good Egg do for us? We got store credit in the exact amount of the difference in pie prices. Which, at $30, tells you about what we expect for the quality of the pie we got. A $19 pie in the Bay Area? I am not hopeful. And store credit? "Well, we screwed you over this time, so here's a discount on the next time you want to order from us and get screwed over."

If you messed up your inventory management and you're giving the customer something of obvious inferior quality, you give them cash back, not store credit.

Incompetence Step #3: Don't hire a logistics person
Everything was ordered at least 48 hours in advance. They knew exactly how many deliveries they were going to have to make. And yet they were understaffed and overwhelmed. Because hiring...

*Consumes Good Egg, then spits it out in disgust.*

*Snarls menacingly, then devours a random hobo.*

*Begins devouring the cattle of Syrus Terrigan.*

*Knocks over Burning Straw man, implying he is banned for simply being in the way.*

*Points at a poster for the movie “Yang Frankenstein”.*

*Begins eating the nearest barber.*

*Is seen behind a derelict building, eating the incompetent employee that works with captain yesterday.*

*Lumbers about with surprising silence. Encounters a non-poster and eats them.*

*Consumes the intestines of random people (regardless of whether they are noblemen or penniless waifs).*

*Looks over at the next poster, who is trying to offer another poster as a sacrificial meal to avoid being eaten themselves.*

Munching on wandering vagrants: 40d20 + 100d1000 + 100d600 ⇒ (6, 18, 6, 20, 4, 4, 8, 12, 6, 17, 15, 13, 3, 16, 12, 8, 8, 2, 6, 6, 6, 8, 20, 5, 16, 9, 5, 12, 6, 15, 3, 1, 12, 17, 1, 6, 17, 3, 8, 8) + (551, 777, 470, 252, 658, 106, 67, 600, 730, 285, 835, 1, 753, 199, 595, 295, 145, 701, 402, 857, 685, 697, 730, 28, 405, 425, 696, 643, 496, 68, 949, 107, 420, 762, 325, 489, 353, 151, 924, 714, 427, 731, 376, 86, 374, 601, 290, 906, 28, 282, 862, 865, 442, 182, 706, 559, 753, 542, 404, 626, 488, 232, 307, 877, 998, 752, 87, 698, 717, 880, 317, 115, 858, 644, 91, 724, 409, 828, 130, 889, 590, 903, 321, 16, 478, 368, 661, 667, 476, 160, 886, 684, 351, 960, 285, 981, 664, 136, 338, 51) + (524, 127, 78, 243, 332, 276, 163, 14, 581, 245, 205, 169, 15, 184, 257, 218, 428, 477, 197, 150, 112, 310, 474, 272, 57, 115, 24, 447, 422, 589, 57, 518, 284, 84, 455, 81, 140, 600, 145, 361, 224, 72, 408, 268, 380, 403, 457, 212, 137, 425, 75, 66, 292, 244, 295, 455, 86, 456, 376, 199, 332, 501, 448, 538, 399, 29, 242, 144, 270, 326, 286, 489, 79, 461, 510, 462, 524, 125, 200, 567, 386, 219, 132, 122, 397, 47, 53, 60, 144, 417, 340, 344, 529, 325, 488, 489, 136, 221, 450, 478) = 79442