What I want is a Chreestmas Ent.
:looks around at the meta-reality-
What a potentially momentous page! I wonder what will happen?
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Nothing too much, I'm afraid, just a bunch of mismatched friends enjoying Christmas together.
It won't be long now until Mr. Grinch delivers the presents and we have a marvellous Christmas banquet at my castle to celebrate the holidays. Which reminds me, would you care to do the honours and carve the turkey this year GoatToucher? Normally I do it, of course, but I like to invite my guests to do it sometime.
Just keep a close eye on it when he's carving it. Remember what happened last year with the Christmas Pudding, and what (as it turned out) was certainly not brandy butter.
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*Comes home, utterly exhausted, collapses onto a chair.*
What a night! I felt like the universe's most wanted criminal!
*As Schism comes in and falls to the ground, being just as exhausted as Mr. Grinch, a flashback to last night's adventure takes place.*
*Mr. Grinch travels down the chimney of the first house he comes to and briefly gets stuck (as expected), then he comes out into the front room. As he is finishing placing the presents around the tree, a large dog looking like Sergeant Baskerville approaches and growls menacingly.*
Nice teeth!
*The dog promptly starts barking and Mr. Grinch gets out of there!*
*The rest of the night follows a similar pattern, including trying to place a kayak under the tree only to fall under the weight and knock the tree over or being attacked by a cat with a very massive grudge, Schism doesn't get much like either.*
*After resting for bit, Mr. Grinch and Schism realise that they also have presents. Schism is given a chainsaw for destroying accordion. Mr. Grinch, meanwhile, gets a new snow globe and a note that fills him with fear...*
*Note from Santa Claus: "Thanks for doing my job, really helped me to heal up. Merry Christmas and remember..."
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*Flashback to Christmas eve, and the castle is finished being decorated.*
*Barges through the door carrying a massive 50ft fir tree.*
Me found tree! Me found really big tree for Christmas!
*Tree is setup and is immediately decorated in festive splendour.*
Orange Hulk go get lunch, getting tree make Orange Hulk hungry!
*Goes into the kitchen, starts eating some of the food for the banquet.*
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:does not carve so much as dissect the turkey with an expert hand, each cut of meat separated from bone perfectly, and the skin coming off in one intact piece:
Bon Appetit!
Time for the Festivus Trials of Endurance, or how many times can we play 'Mistletoe and Wine' non-stop before Borvil crushes us to a pulp with her bare hands.
I am so tired.
Feels like I have been doing twice the work I usually do.
ZZZ
Quiet. Some of us are trying to sleep.
*PERFORMS HER SIGNATURE MOVE, 'THE STOCK CUBE', TURNING HERSELF INTO A GIANT CUBE OF DRIED BEEF EXTRACT. OVERCOME BY THE POTENTIAL FOR DELICIOUSNESS THEREIN, ORANGE HULK RELEASES THE HEADLOCK*
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*PERFORMS HER SIGNATURE MOVE, 'THE STOCK CUBE', TURNING HERSELF INTO A GIANT CUBE OF DRIED BEEF EXTRACT. OVERCOME BY THE POTENTIAL FOR DELICIOUSNESS THEREIN, ORANGE HULK RELEASES THE HEADLOCK*
By "release headlock", Borvil mean "Orange Hulk crush stock cube into giant cup"!
Me then add hot water, stir with giant spoon then drink soup like mixture.
Be careful daughter, he is also called Solar Hulk because he is strengthened by the sun.
Is he fighting on your orders? -
Is is fighting to protect you and yours? -Is he fighting for his own pleasure? -
Therefore, be Quiet!
*PERFORMS HER SIGNATURE MOVE, 'THE STOCK CUBE', TURNING HERSELF INTO A GIANT CUBE OF DRIED BEEF EXTRACT. OVERCOME BY THE POTENTIAL FOR DELICIOUSNESS THEREIN, ORANGE HULK RELEASES THE HEADLOCK*By "release headlock", Borvil mean "Orange Hulk crush stock cube into giant cup"!
Me then add hot water, stir with giant spoon then drink soup like mixture.
BORVIL REGENERATES IN HULK'S INTESTINES!
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Alright, alright, as you wish daughter. I'll be quiet.
Talking to Orange Hulk, not you Father.
And the sound of ‘Mistletoe and Wine’, rendered by accordion continues to fill the air.
No, no. The Massed Bands of the Brigade of Fairies are now doing a complete run-through of Bulgarian Eurovision Song Contest entries from 1984 to 2006. An unusual choice to soundtrack a wrestling match between two giants, but an inspired one, even if I do say so myself.
However, if you want the lads to stay on 'Mistletoe and Wine', that can be arranged, for £3.14, cash on the nail.
Mummy, there's a steaming brown colossus lying in the wreckage of the Wrestler's Toilet, but Alphonse is back at the front with his regiment, as we can tell from the large, rusty nail sticking out of his forehead. What's going on?
I'll sing a song, once my cheque has cleared,
About Lord Ridgeway, and his tiny beard,
He had escaped from GoatToucher's lab,
To chase the Honourable Member, Dominic Raab.
Rilly-me dinkle donkle doo, and I got smashed by the Hulk-O!
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Well, you'd know if you'd been Hulk-Oed.
Too much TV is bad for you.
Captain Danger Bear intends to tap-dance on the remains, if somebody would be kind enough to set them on fire.
Fire Bad!
