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A new offer! All future winners will be awarded a "massage" of extended duration. Lack of consent is no obstacle! Metaphorical and literal "hollow feeling" guaranteed!


You clever bastard.


Alright. Let's go.

:takes Tiny into the "workroom" for a while:

Scarab Sages

Hey, GoatToucher's "workroom" DOES have a Closet!

Do I dare....?

*cracks Closet door open just enough to see in....*

...

...

...

...

...

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT??? IT'S UP TO YOU, THE VIEWERS AT HOME!!!!!

Sovereign Court

I'm sorry to tell you this folks, but the show has been cancelled. So instead, please enjoy this NEW AND EXCITING sitcom: Life with a Vrykul Warlord!


2 people marked this as a favorite.

*Changes the channel*


It's been a while.

Guess i win however.


Not really.


I´m baaackk


Yes.


No.

Scarab Sages

Splunge.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

Hmm wonder how long I shall hold the seat of power for.

Grand Lodge

Gruumash . wrote:
Hmm wonder how long I shall hold the seat of power for.

Not long enough.


Meow!

Scarab Sages

*changes channel again*

Aaand it's back to 'The Closet In GoatToucher's Workroom!' WHAT HAPPENS NEXT???


We light the closet on fire?

Scarab Sages

Then I'll just jump to another Closet. BO-RING!


All surfaces in my "workroom" are coated with a fire retardant, and, more importantly, fluid repellent lacquer.

I appreciate your trying to open people's eyes to my world, IHIYC, but clearly they are too unsettled by the horrible delights and sublime atrocities within.

In looking into my "workroom", they are looking into -themselves-. Few can suffer such an intense gaze without turning away.

Scarab Sages

In that case, I see a light dusting of constructive criticism on everything, a few phantasmal killers floating around that I've saved *most* of my saving throws against by now, a bunch of pies flying overhead, and a giant floating hand giving me a big thumbs up!


Yes. That is Reginald. The question with him is: "Thumbs up -where-?"


EEWWWWW!

Sovereign Court

*Vomits profusely.*

That was NOT pleasant, seriously GoatToucher, how can YOU survive being in your workroom?


Hah GoatToucher's workroom doesn't scare me-:falls over comatose in the fetal position upon sight of the workroom :


It's a good thing that I'm blissfully ignorant.


Just let it wash over you like cool waters. Let it permeate you and become part of you. Then you'll understand.


I tried that. It didn't work.


Then just lie back and think of Taldor and accept what's to come.

Sovereign Court

NO!!! DON'T DO IT, YOU CAN'T TRUST HIS WORD!!!

*Cringes as GoatToucher does what he does best.*

Too late!


Don't worry!

I don't trust any of you.


It's not about trust. It's about inevitability.


The only inevitable things are death and taxes. And taxes on death.

Scarab Sages

I say nothing's inevitable! In fact, I say everyone gets one free "That Never Happened" coupon!

This is all a reverse auction thing we're doing right now, right?


Is that like everything bad that ever happened to Uncle Teddy actually happened to one of an interminable number of clones, and not the Actual Uncle Teddy?

Or at least him telling himself that while privately crying himself to sleep at night?

There are no do overs. Somewhere, deep inside, you remember.

Sovereign Court

And you would know that how, exactly?


Well, there's your face for one.


I know this because you have no memory of your time in the "workroom", AoZ-K, yet look at yourself! You used to be a god of love and beauty, for goodness sake! You can't tell me that a shadow of that time isn't cast over your soul.


Oh my, GoatToucher is so delusional. He still does not realize those are clones of Uncle Teddy and not Uncle Teddy. After all, I made the clones and if GoatToucher actually paid attention he'd realize that no two clones looked alike. Such a pathetic small mind. It was all just a little game I was playing with him.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

walks in brandishing Banhammer, Jr., grabs GoatToucher by the back of the neck, and places his head upon a cinderblock.

And now for my impression of Gallagher.

brings Banhammer, Jr. down upon GoatToucher's head, smashing it like a watermelon

Tada!

Scarab Sages

And now for my impression of Pac-Man.

*walks up to Uncle Teddy, jaw extends to unnatural length, bites Uncle Teddy's head off*

WOCKAWOCKA-TA-DA!

Sovereign Court

Silence, Fozzy! Your jokes are bad!

*Turns to GoatToucher.*

Yes I remember (shudders slightly), just pray my sister Shelyn doesn't find out!


I Will Win.
I Am Winning.
I Have Won.


Schism wrote:

I Will Win.

I Am Winning.
I Have Won.

NOPE!!!!


Message board troll wrote:
Schism wrote:

I Will Win.

I Am Winning.
I Have Won.
NOPE!!!!

Double nope.


Well what do you know? The win and all for me


POOG!!!


You do realize there are consequences for making nonsensical posts. You have to make three legitimate posts in the MATT DAMON! thread...


MATT DAMON?

Silver Crusade

Johnny Depp!


Squeak.

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