Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 13,000 gp; Weight -
This grubby bag is riddled with holes and incapable of holding anything. Anyone who knows the true power of this item can remove a hole and throw it onto the ground in an adjacent square to create a 10ft. by 10ft. pit that is 40ft. deep. Doing so is a standard action (provided that the bag is in hand, secured to a belt, or otherwise available) that does not provoke attacks of opportunity. Any creature standing in the affected squares must make a DC 14 Reflex saving throw or fall into the pit and take 4d6 points of damage. Creatures who make their save are moved to the nearest square adjacent to the pit. Scaling the pit’s walls requires a DC 25 Climb check. The pit lasts for 10 rounds, after which any objects or creatures within the pit are lifted harmlessly to the original surface level.
Alternatively, a hole may be placed on a vertical surface to create a 5ft. by 8ft. passageway or cave-like niche that is up to 10ft. deep, similar to the effect of a passwall spell. This passage lasts 1 hour.
This item can be used on any nonmagical surface that can contain the pit or passageway. It cannot be used directly against creatures or living matter. The bag may only generate one effect at a time. If the bag is activated again, any existing pit or passage immediately ends.
A newly created bag of holes can be used ten times before becoming an ordinary, undamaged sack. A make whole spell cast on a bag of holes reduces the remaining uses by 1d6 with no save.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, create pit, passwall; Cost 6,500 gp
You know what? I actually really like this one, despite the mechanic of bypassing lots of doors and what's basically a grouping of SIAC effects. The notion that make whole can strip one of these bags of its charges is awesome! Thematically, it holds up. I think it's written fairly well. Presentation is decent with the template (i.e., still needs to italicize spell names in the construction requirements).
It's an innovative idea. It's more than just a Trap/Hazard-in-a-Can. It's useful in a variety of scenarios. And it's just got a huge cool factor going for it. I also like that the bag appears utterly useless with all those holes in it...and yet, that's what makes it magical. And, the use of the new create pit spell out of the APG shows good designer insight and initiative.
I'm going to say...Keep! This is one of my favorite items.
Keep!
This is a pretty solid item. Yes, it's a SAK/SIAC, but the theme is smart and the author built in reasonably limitations (like one magical hole active at a time) that show they've put some thought into it. They repeated just enough of the create pit text that you don't have to look up that spell to get the save DC and such, but not so much that it's just regurgitating the entire spell text. And the make whole element is a nice touch.
Keep!
Firstly, I admit, I laughed out loud at your sentence about the make whole spell. That kind of thing shows the thought you put in and hints at some of the good ideas you have. This has utility but at 1,300 gp a go, it doesn’t feel undercosted. The limits on the pit/passwall effect are good, only one effect at a time is also good.
Ok, you were right at the word count and 10ft. is one word and 10-ft. is two on many word processors. My advice: get at least 10 words under the word limit in the rest of the rounds, it will make your writing tighter and mean you have one less thing to worry about. Also Craft Wondrous Item (no s)
The magic hole effect has been done before, I can still remember the Goodies putting portable holes on things. Does that make me old? :-) However I think you have put a new spin on it, and been able to show your own style. That is an important skill in freelancing, taking existing work and running with it.
Welcome to the ranks of RPG Superstar! People will be watching to see your take on an archetype, bring something with buckets of originality. Best of luck!
This is proof that a SIAC item can be pulled off with an intelligent and thoughtful theme. The trick being that I’m thinking of the visuals rather than strictly the mechanics, while at the same time you’re not depriving me the mechanics I need to adjudicate it in the game. Does that make sense? It tickles the imagination, not logical side of the brain. Nor am I thinking of a wand of create pit.
The entire make whole is awesome, in that the item doesn’t require it, but it really reinforces the theme. There were long discussions about humor and its place; this is a bit of humor that works. It fits thematically, it works mechanically, and it’s subtle. This item manages to bend or break some of the “Do Not Do” advice successfully. That takes some talent.
Check your formatting, the judging becomes less forgiving about that in later rounds. Don’t fall into the trap of overconfidence; otherwise I shall be wholly disappointed. Congratulations!
Ever since I ran The Temple of Elemental Evil in high school, I've thought that portable holes were cool (along with Daern's instant fortress). I like this take on that classic item, especially since you made it much more accessible.
Agreed. Portable holes are cool.
I like how the casting of make whole reduces the number of times it can be used. I can picture someone wanting to "fix" the Bag of Holes.
Very, very, very nice. I think I've found my first vote... Love the make whole detriment!
This grubby bag is riddled with holes and incapable of holding anything.
Nice visual and excellent play on words
Anyone who knows the true power of this item can remove a hole and throw it onto the ground in an adjacent square to create a 10ft. by 10ft. pit that is 40ft. deep. Doing so is a standard action (provided that the bag is in hand, secured to a belt, or otherwise available) that does not provoke attacks of opportunity.
Again I hate most items that make me waste a standard action, on activating a magic item but since this is an attack, its not horrible but will be relatively useless at higher levels. I think this would have been more fun as a move action.
Any creature standing in the affected squares must make a DC 14 Reflex saving throw or fall into the pit and take 4d6 points of damage
I hate fixed DCs on magical items as it again makes them useless past a certain level. However that is a core design problem and you were just following the RAW.
Creatures who make their save are moved to the nearest square adjacent to the pit.
What is those squares are occupied? What if the creature is larger than the square adjacent to the pit? Does this provoke an attack of opportunity for the movement? This is the problem with not just using Spell In A Can, because the spell is actually better, because what you have done here is create potential play issues.
Scaling the pit’s walls requires a DC 25 Climb check. The pit lasts for 10 rounds, after which any objects or creatures within the pit are lifted harmlessly to the original surface level.
I really wish this lasted longer, simply to be used as foxholes, or traps that you can prepare ahead of time. But again its the RAW issue.
Alternatively, a hole may be placed on a vertical surface to create a 5ft. by 8ft. passageway or cave-like niche that is up to 10ft. deep, similar to the effect of a passwall spell. This passage lasts 1 hour.
See I like the one hour here better than others, however what this does not deal with is what if i put a whole in a support column or load bearing wall. I am just imagining what my players would do with this.
This item can be used on any nonmagical surface that can contain the pit or passageway. It cannot be used directly against creatures or living matter.
Well if you have a Trapper on the floor you will know it when your hole fails to work.
The bag may only generate one effect at a time. If the bag is activated again, any existing pit or passage immediately ends.
What happens to someone in a passageway? What side do they end up on?
A newly created bag of holes can be used ten times before becoming an ordinary, undamaged sack.
Yeah I hate this, since I just wasted my money on an item that will continually depreciate in value and eventually become useless. Would much rather have had this been a permanent item than a low charged wand.
A make whole spell cast on a bag of holes reduces the remaining uses by 1d6 with no save.
A nice touch, but my question is does it make the back functional for carrying things?
This one has a lot of functional issues with forcing creatures to move outside of their turn and not dealing with what happens when you have no place to go, it also does not deal with what happens when you put one of these holes in a portable hole or a bag of holding. I like the core idea but it needs alot of work in my eyes.
Steve Russell
This one I just really, really like -- the passage size is a bit odd -- and it might bear mentioning how deep of a wall it can provide passage through (I would guess 10 foot since that's the size niche it makes). A really great item though.
Rite Publishing made a lot of good points about potential problems.
After reading them the item has lost some of its luster to me.
I like your writing, but you spend a lot of words elaborating unnecessary bits. 4d6 damage from falling down a 40ft pit? I knew that. You can't use the magic item if you can't get to it? That's really a no brainer. If you jump away from a pit opening beneath you, you wind up in a nearby square? Most people would say that's obvious.
I have a niggling feeling that your item is cool, but there's just so much that I see as verbal garbage amongst your description that I really can't. It almost feels like you're too paranoid or condescending to cut those unneeded parts out. Especially the bit about not being able to use the magic item if you don't have it, that's the biggest thing there.
That's just damned clever. This item makes me grin.
That's just damned clever.
We just call it Superstar. ;-)
Thank you everyone for your comments and criticism. I'm blown away that I made it to the top 32 and even more happy that so many of you liked my item. I look forward to round two and hope you'll all enjoy my archetype.
And good luck to my fellow Gladiators!
I'm really digging this one. It takes a whole new spin on an item that most of us have a bit of familiarity with using over the years in other fashion. This could also give the user some tactical advantages if timed / used right. Definitely multi-purposeful and innovative. Good luck in round 2!
Awesome. This item looks like it can be a lot of fun. It has almost a Looney Toons quality to it that I dig. Congrats!
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
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Dedicated Voter Season 6
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A little bit of the Looney Tunes. I like it, seems like the author covered most of the ways to over-abuse it. I'd probably include a little bit about what sorts of things it can't go through (I'm thinking dimensional locks), just to cover dungeon-breaking.
I stayed up til midnight last night (curse you time-zones!) reading all the entries and, on first pass, this was my favourite. It's powers are unexpected (wondrous even!) but useful and it makes me grin just thinking of someone using it.
Makes my top 5. I don't like the Make Whole aspect of the bag and believe it would be better without that, just to situational for most games.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 4
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Star Voter Season 6
aka raidou
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Trevor, first of all, congratulations on your first round of Superstar! I love this item. This year's collection of items is really blowing me away. Your item keeps to a tight theme, and is both mechanically interesting and creative. The addition of Make Whole having a detrimental side effect is really pleasing in a retro sort of way. If this round is any indication, future rounds are going to be very, very tough.
One of my personal favorites.
This is one of those oddball, possibly goofy items that appears way too niche at first glance, but yet it's something that I'd want to give to a PC of my own just because it might be useful in an odd, random circumstance at some point. Consider me a fan of this one. :)
this one seems to have taken away from too many to be original.
As a genre, that's kind of how Sword&Sorcery works. Two cups Lovecraft, one cup Tolkien, sprinkle with some Eastern European fairytale-horror, bake in the fires of a quasi-christian Abyss for one hundred billion years and set it loose on a pseudo-Mediterranean countryside.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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I like it. It's very Loony Toons, but then considering I went to the Marx brothers, I've no room to talk ;-)
The clincher is the Make whole effect. That's superstar.
As to Steve's concerns, it's akin to most items, we fail to see problems others see, because the answer is 'obvious' to us.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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I really like this fun item. Sure it's got some issues that a number of people have already brought up, and it does rely on the existing portable hole, but this is just a really good item.
This would be a fun item to give away as a Dm (though I'd worry about breaking my dungeon), and a blast for players to find uses for. It's funny without being a joke or gag item. All-in-all, a really fun choice. Looking forward to your next submissions.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
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These are my comments before reading the comments of the judges or others:
The main problem with this item is that it doesn't really have a core concept behind it, or at least not one of its own. Instead, it emulates the functions of other items and puts them in one place, namely portable holes and portable traps. While I like that it brings these two functions together, making them temporary and disposable, I think part of the contest is to come up with something new and original and this item doesn't seem to accomplish that. In addition, the portable trap function should probably have used the standard trap format rather than descriptive text. I get that the idea is maybe to slide a pit under your foes, which is cool idea, but it doesn't really seem to work out that way as written.
The last sentence is a tacked on oddity, as it doesn't seem likely anyone's going to repair a grungy old bag. The results of trying to use make whole seem harsh; I'd just have the spell not affect the bag at all and leave it at that. It's good that you thought of someone attempting to fix the bag though.
The construction requirements are way too light and should include levitate (for when the pit lifts its victims to safety on dissipation). The pricing/costing is too low for an item this powerful, even though it's essentially disposable, at 10 uses.
Overall, this item isn't really an item on its own.
Well I had the concept for this item before I even new about RPG Superstar and I really didn't expect to make it. I did design this item with the Loony Toons portable hole in mind, largely because the 3.5 and Pathfinder portable hole doesn't function like that. I was less focused on an ability and more focused on a new and interesting item and I'm rather fond of the peeling holes off a bag idea.
However, if you create a 10x10 pit in a square adjacent to you (where you toss the hole), won't you risk ending up in the pit? Quite inconvenient.
I had intended that you would set it down so as to be adjacent to a 10x10 pit.
Once again thank you all for you comments and feedback.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
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Well I had the concept for this item before I even new about RPG Superstar and I really didn't expect to make it. I did design this item with the Loony Toons portable hole in mind, largely because the 3.5 and Pathfinder portable hole doesn't function like that. I was less focused on an ability and more focused on a new and interesting item and I'm rather fond of the peeling holes off a bag idea.
However, if you create a 10x10 pit in a square adjacent to you (where you toss the hole), won't you risk ending up in the pit? Quite inconvenient.I had intended that you would set it down so as to be adjacent to a 10x10 pit.
Once again thank you all for you comments and feedback.
I think this would be a cooler item if you could slide the hole along the ground, sort of like a paper thin Frisbee, under your target, then have it open up. Another thing that would make this item more unique is if you could "load it" with a "portable trap," instead of the trap in the item being static. :)
My absolute favorite of the bunch. I really love this item.
The only turn-down is in fact the abusability in the passwall effect.
But your idea so far outshines this problem that I couldn't care less for it.
I really hope your Archetype will be as inspired and inspiring as this item.
Great work!
Contributor
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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My rating system: (++) awesome > (+) good > (+-) ok > (-) weak > (--) terrible
Core idea, innovation: (+-) A SIAC and SAK, but has some original ideas to it too.
Flavor, description and name: (+-) Not a terribly exciting item. I do like the idea of the item becoming an ordinary, undamaged sack after the uses have been spent, though. :)
Mechanics, balance and rules-fu: (+) It's mechanically pretty solid. But since it's a SIAC, so you didn't really take any chances.
Formatting and spelling: (+) Very good! The only thing I noticed was that in the Requirements part, you hadn't italicized the spell names.
Overall rating: (+-) It's something one might expect to see in the Core rulebook. It doesn't scream Superstar to me, but it's by no means a bad design.
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RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
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Star Voter Season 6
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This item would be quite useful. I've used the spell the item is made with in a game and it introduces some really interesting battlefield control options into PF. I thought the price was about right, maybe a little high, since the relatively low Reflex DC save means it will only be useful for a few levels.
This was my second favorite item (after Eye of the Void). It's cool, a bit different, and I'm a sucker for a pun that makes sense :)
I like this item. I have a rogue who would use this. She wouldn't bypass walls, doors, or the like (too much fun in the challenge of locks and traps). She would whip some of those holes off to cover a dicey escape or to break up a combat that wasn't going her way, though. Like some other folks before me, I think make whole reducing the number of uses is well thought out - a normally utilitarian spell with a less than utilitarian effect in this one instance is a nice touch.
The only thing I noticed was that in the Requirements part, you hadn't italicized the spell names.
I'm still kicking myself about this. I've got the spells italicized on my Word Document for this, I just missed the BBCode when I submitted it! I'm going to double and triple check all of my entries from now on the.
The Craft Wondrous Items was totally my bad though.
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 13,000 gp; Weight -
This grubby bag is riddled with holes and incapable of holding anything. Anyone who knows the true power of this item can remove a hole and throw it onto the ground in an adjacent square to create a 10ft. by 10ft. pit that is 40ft. deep. Doing so is a standard action (provided that the bag is in hand, secured to a belt, or otherwise available) that does not provoke attacks of opportunity. Any creature standing in the affected squares must make a DC 14 Reflex saving throw or fall into the pit and take 4d6 points of damage. Creatures who make their save are moved to the nearest square adjacent to the pit. Scaling the pit’s walls requires a DC 25 Climb check. The pit lasts for 10 rounds, after which any objects or creatures within the pit are lifted harmlessly to the original surface level.
Alternatively, a hole may be placed on a vertical surface to create a 5ft. by 8ft. passageway or cave-like niche that is up to 10ft. deep, similar to the effect of a passwall spell. This passage lasts 1 hour.
This item can be used on any nonmagical surface that can contain the pit or passageway. It cannot be used directly against creatures or living matter. The bag may only generate one effect at a time. If the bag is activated again, any existing pit or passage immediately ends.
A newly created bag of holes can be used ten times before becoming an ordinary, undamaged sack. A make whole spell cast on a bag of holes reduces the remaining uses by 1d6 with no save.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, create pit, passwall; Cost 6,500 gp
Ask A RPGSuperstar Succubus is posting from the point of view of a CE aligned succubus – fairness is an adjective applicable to hair coloration, balance is what a couple of mortals on opposite ends of a plank pivoted on a rocky spire above a drop of several hundred feet into a pool of molten basalt frantically try to do, and logic is something which proves anything a demon of adequate status and charm requires it to demonstrate.
Is the item Pretty?
No. A grubby holey sack is about the opposite of pretty.
Does the item help a demonic seductress to keep a paladin house pet?
No.
Is the item otherwise useful?
Yes. Oh, yes, this item is otherwise useful.
Other Comments? (including World Domination potential on the evil laughter scale, where appropriate)
Dear Mr. Merbeck,
I have a number of friends and contacts in the military who wish to acquire the exclusive rights to your invention. They believe that you have just revolutionised warfare and are rather anxious to acquire your invention before the competition can. They are prepared to include large quantities of gold, a glabrezu advisor, a harem of alu-fiends, and several wishes into the bargain in exchange for your services.
Their reasoning is this:
Storming strongholds tends to be usually a messy business, because there are these things called walls which get in the way that have to be climbed over, knocked down to a point where climbing over them is much easier, or at least breeched first. This involves lots of hunky men muscling around the place, whilst a few intellectual sorts build siege engines and direct their operation, or whilst illusionists or conjurors try to provide cover for an attack with scaling ladders. There is a spell called passwall but the problem is that it requires putting someone capable of casting it right next to the enemy fortifications where boiling oil can be poured on their heads, men and women can try to fire short sticks with sharp pointy ends into them at point blank range, and where conjured or summoned creatures can be sent in as further distractions. Basically, a spellcaster in that position is probably using so much magic to stay alive that they don't have any left to attempt more than one passwall to get in - unless they are a really powerful spellcaster in which case they are probably also really expensive to hire.
Now, I am informed that there is a piece of military kit called a staff of earth and stone which allows a spellcaster to save their magic for self defence and to attempt to create passwall effects using the staff once they get adjacent to the problematic fortification, but this piece of kit costs upwards of 85,000 gold pieces on the open market (or at least half that to make, and that's assuming the craftsman provides their services for free).
Your invention doesn't require a spellcaster to use it at all, but can be employed by nice hunky men in armour equipped to survive in a hostile environment.
Now, as I said above, my friends and contacts are prepared to be very generous to you in return for the exclusive rights and use of your invention. They are also prepared to offer you additional protection against the attempts and efforts which other organisations and bodies will shortly be making to acquire you and your invention, up to and including making you the king of a small realm if you require it. However I feel obliged to inform you that a faction currently in the minority are urging that it would be much simpler and cheaper to open negotiations with the Red Mantis as to a price that should be put on your head...
Hoping that you have found this post Helpful.
Yours,
Ask A RPGSupersuccubus.
PS
For the record this rates a World Domination Potential of Mwuahaha!
Gollum Rating:
(On behalf of my friends and contacts in the military) My preciousss.