CAULDRON OF BLOOD
Sean and I both thought there was a gem of an idea here, but we both rejected it. Description and mechanics not up to par.
Cloak of the Winter Walker
All thought it was a neat item. We agreed, though, that it wasnt that exciting and not Superstar quality. Once again, would have made a book of magic items for sure. Also, all of us noted the strange lack of apostrophes in the text.
I made the following (somewhat) smarta$$ comment:
“Strangely devoid of apostrophes means that s/he is my long lost relative. I detest them. They slow me down when I type emails. Like vowels and other unnecessary letters. omg, ttyl, kthxbi
rjkt”
Nix's Chalk of Endless Ways
Hey look, YET ANOTHER Pan's Lanyrinth chalk item. REJECT. Plus, the writing is stilted and I dont really get the diametrically opposed alignments thing. Is that like "dont cross the streams"? Sadly, this may be one of the better Pan's Labyrinth chalk doorway items. But it is still.... do I even need to finish?
That was my post. Agreement was unanimous.
SHACKLES OF SUBMISSION
The general feeling was: "Overpowered, underpriced."
EYE OF FIRE
We all had concerns about the mechanics. We didnt know what "visually detect undead means. We thought we knew what you wanted it to mean but that isnt good enough. Plus, the spell isn't visual and this term needs more clarification, especially as the item description says you can't see with the eye. Does the eye only see undead? Can you detect undead as the spell if they're in line of sight? How does your thin eyelid block light as bright as continual flame? And if it does, do you annoy your friends with the strobe effect from your blinking? Calculating price also was a difficulty.
Abacus of Uncanny Calculations (wonders if submitted)
It was submitted alright. And it got a TON of discussion. The name appealed to us right away. One of our biggest problems is that moment of prescience lasts a round but with your item it lasts a minute.
But then I posted:
“The one minute kills this for me. Plus, I think the combat focus is a bit overdone. I would like it better if it was just skills or things like that. I didnt know that "Numerologists and practitioners of Mathemancy" were so worried about beat downs that they needed multiple AC and attack buffs per day.
Overpowered. And that is even before you can use it more than 3/day with just a cumulative -1 to the check.
Too bad, too, because I like the flavor of this. Nice item. Just way overdone. And a great name, too. Bummer.”
MUSIC BOX OF LANDSCAPES
It was considered a random cubic gate or a planar wand of wonder. Neither of us liked the concept.
I then wrote:
“Evocative writing, though perhaps a bit too impressed with its description as the submission spends three sentences on description before getting to powers. Random plane hopping? Random bad guy from the other planes might appear? I think you nailed it as a planar wand of wonder, Wolf. Neat. Quirky. But would anyone actually make this? I mean, how many wizards are out there saying "hey, you know, I really wish I had an item that randomly sent me to some super-dangerous plane or perhaps brought an evil outsider right into my workshop!" I think I'd probably prefer to shadow walk.”
Go Clark go!
Rouge of Venomous Vengeance (done?)
I wrote: "a mystical vector of the Poison spell" What does that mean? This thing is interesting, but I dont think all the mechanics are there.
In the end we kept this and another rouge submission because we thought both were interesting and we wanted to think about them. Both this one and the other rouge made the top 62, but neither made the top 32.
Celestial Starstone
I wasnt that kind to this one. I didnt like the presumption that because something comes from the sky that it is holy damage.
I wrote: “Holy damage. Cause its "celestial," I guess. As in, fell from the heavens. I'm not sure that is really a D&D cosmology thing. But hey, I can roll with that.”
Then I didnt like the affixing. I wrote: “If I affix a hello kitty sticker to my sword can I have an animal bane weapon now?”
Sean and Wolfgang had much more intelligent comments about how this item breaks the magic item pricing rules and rejected it for those reasons. I agreed with them.
Unity Knots
Oh boy, I must have just read a submission I didnt like because I was obviously grouchy when I read this one. Wolfgang and Sean both thought it was abusable. That isnt what got me, though.
Here is what I wrote:
“What, is this the D&D equivalent of 10 year old girls giving each other friendship bracelets and pinky-swearing to be best friends forever and ever!?! What is epic and heroic about tying a pink ribbon around your little finger from your best character pal to get an aid another. This belongs in that romance d20 game, I cant remember what it is called. Not D&D. Please put a bullet in this. Or we might as well publish My Little Pony d20 or maybe Hello Kitty d20. Come on, friendship pinky bands? In Superstar? Really?”
Whew... OK, timeout for me.
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Okay, in order to make your job easier, I've compiled a list of submissions from where you left off. Hopefully I didn't miss any. In hindsight, I probably should have marked the name of whoever submitted what. I would go back and fix that problem, but I'm afraid my eyes will spontaneously begin to bleed. Click the spoiler if you want a big@$$ list:My item didn't make your list.
I assume an error of omission - however if my item sucked so hard that it is unworthy of inclusion that would be good feedback as well:Item: Rogue's Deck
Submitted by: Kyr
Page 5 of the threadI know why I was auto rejected but I would like feedback on the item.
Yours is actually in there, toward the bottom, underneath BRACERS OF THE IRON LORD.
And thanks for getting on these Clark! Don't stare too hard at the screen, though. :D
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MUSIC BOX OF LANDSCAPES
It was considered a random cubic gate or a planar wand of wonder. Neither of us liked the concept.
I then wrote:
“Evocative writing, though perhaps a bit too impressed with its description as the submission spends three sentences on description before getting to powers. Random plane hopping? Random bad guy from the other planes might appear? I think you nailed it as a planar wand of wonder, Wolf. Neat. Quirky. But would anyone actually make this? I mean, how many wizards are out there saying "hey, you know, I really wish I had an item that randomly sent me to some super-dangerous plane or perhaps brought an evil outsider right into my workshop!" I think I'd probably prefer to shadow walk.”
thanks Clark for the comment
I understand what you say I based myself more in how I saw it happening than in anything else...:P
I blame Lovecraft for messing with my head (tried to grab the feeling of Alhazred's Lamp, maybe I got it, but flunked in the "why should I want it?")
thanks Clark for the comment
I understand what you say I based myself more in how I saw it happening than in anything else...
I appreciate you being open to discussion on this because I think what happened to you highlights a real common design problem. The designer often thinks about how only *they* would use the item, either as a DM or player. You have to consider how others would use it. And that goes for your vision of the item, too. You have a vision of how and what it is. But a good thing to do is to write it. Then put it aside. Come back to it a day later and read it as if you were reading it in a new book of magic items. See what you think then. What questions do you have about it? How might you use it? Ask those questions, because we will.
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Nethersight Torch
Some thought it was just a pumped up see invisible in a can that helps your friends (spell in a can). Others thought it was useful but uninspired. All agreed it was not Superstar. And at least one judge noted that it reminded us of last year’s Torch of Solidity, which was awesome–and this one was not awesome. No doubt this one is good enough for a book of magic items. Just needs to go to the next level.
Thanks, Clark. That's pretty much what I got from Sean, as well as your comments on my "Almost Also Ran" items. This is good feedback; it has let me know that I need to step things up for next year.
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I appreciate you being open to discussion on this because I think what happened to you highlights a real common design problem. The designer often thinks about how only *they* would use the item, either as a DM or player. You have to consider how others would use it. And that goes for your vision of the item, too. You have a vision of how and what it is. But a good thing to do is to write it. Then put it aside. Come back to it a day later and read it as if you were reading it in a new book of magic items. See what you think then. What questions do you have about it? How might you use it? Ask those questions, because we will.
thanks, that is an useful recommendation :)
Next year we will do better... and will try to pester the Kobold one of this days.
Nix's Chalk of Endless Ways
Hey look, YET ANOTHER Pan's Lanyrinth chalk item. REJECT. Plus, the writing is stilted and I dont really get the diametrically opposed alignments thing. Is that like "dont cross the streams"? Sadly, this may be one of the better Pan's Labyrinth chalk doorway items. But it is still.... do I even need to finish?
That was my post. Agreement was unanimous.
Heh, when this was posted I heard alot of Pan's Lab chalk items were either submitted or had been an issue last year. I had never seen Pan's Lab, so I went out and rented it. Boy was I red in the face :P
This item was inspired by that damn addictive game "Portal" to be honest.
I got a good chuckle at my error, so thanks for the feedback and thanks for mentioning that this may be one of the better type of this item. I will do alot better next year by using less formal language and more thoroughly researching my idea.
All that more closer to hearing my feedback...only like 13 or so ahead of me now.
Damits Dungeon Table:
Quick review:
Actually I have only one point: for 56000 GP I want this particular item over all the other items I could have for that same amount because............
Damits Dungeon Table:
Instead the owner can command the table to grapple any single opponent, of large size or smaller, within 20' of the table. A successful grapple indicates that 1d4+1 tentacles lash out at the victim dragging them onto the table and attempting to pin them.
Tentacles... Why does it always have to be tentacles...
I think the judges may have thought this one was a joke for reasons best left known, but unsaid.
Yours is actually in there, toward the bottom, underneath BRACERS OF THE IRON LORD.
And thanks for getting on these Clark! Don't stare too hard at the screen, though. :D
My bad - thanks Fish - What exactly is meaning of "TheFishCometh"?
Damits Dungeon Table:
Instead the owner can command the table to grapple any single opponent, of large size or smaller, within 20' of the table. A successful grapple indicates that 1d4+1 tentacles lash out at the victim dragging them onto the table and attempting to pin them.Tentacles... Why does it always have to be tentacles...
I think the judges may have thought this one was a joke for reasons best left known, but unsaid.
*facepalms* Oye, and right after our chat on this very topic too on friday huh Leeman? The unintended R rating seems to be the reject point.
BRACERS OF THE BLOOD LORDSI know you wanted Clark's feedback, but I couldn't help myself. Your item is a thing of beauty and I would not be surprised if it was one of the pile of 60-some that the judges needed to wien down to 32. My only question on it is why does the craftor need ranks in metalworking? can't a master craftsman make the item and give it to the enchantor to caste unhallow?
Any and all constructive feed back is welcome, and thanks for the high praise. In my mind putting the ritual onto the bracers by the crafter is part of what allows the magic to work, kind of like scribing a scroll. Thats why i dedcided that the creator needed to be able to work with metal and inscribe the necessary runes as part of the magic item creation process.
Eibom’s Ineffable Headstone
The other two had big issues with this giving out class abilities and called that a “classic design mistake.” All of us had problems with the poorly detailed and explained abilites. Many unanswered questions. I, on the other hand, posted the following:
“This one isnt an auto-reject for me, despite its handing out of class abilities because it does so in a much more focused and very limited way. Its not a "slap on these glasses and become a rogue!" kind of item. I actually kind of like the flavor of this item. I'm going to have to think about this one. What I dont like is the "hit points for charges" mechanic.”
I then later agreed to reject this, but made this comment:
“I bow to the will of my fellow judges, but note that I found it interesting if mechanically flawed.”
Thanks, Clark. I appreciate the notes. What about the hit point exchange did you dislike? And I guess specifically, what needed clarification in the abilities?
-Ben.
Clark,
If you are suffering from evaluation fatigue....just so say so. I'll understand ;>
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EYE OF FIRE
We all had concerns about the mechanics. We didnt know what "visually detect undead means. We thought we knew what you wanted it to mean but that isnt good enough. Plus, the spell isn't visual and this term needs more clarification, especially as the item description says you can't see with the eye. Does the eye only see undead? Can you detect undead as the spell if they're in line of sight? How does your thin eyelid block light as bright as continual flame? And if it does, do you annoy your friends with the strobe effect from your blinking? Calculating price also was a difficulty.
Interesting...
I have (and had) answers to all of these questions...I couldn't go into more detail because I was pushing the word limit. So, in a broad sense the problem was trying to squeeze too many separate features into a sharply limited word count, thus not being able to fully describe them all, leading to unwanted vagueness.
Did anyone get back to aesthetic critiques of Dove's Quarrel? I have a hunch why I was rejected, I just wanted more povs on the item itself.
Did anyone get back to aesthetic critiques of Dove's Quarrel? I have a hunch why I was rejected, I just wanted more povs on the item itself.
I'll give you a critique sometime today. One thing I wanted to make sure was stated: YOU were not rejected; the ITEM was did not make the final cut. Also the critique is not a reflection on you but only on the item.
Here goes somethin'!
Dove’s Quarrel
Aura: Faint Abjuration
CL: 3
Slot: Hands
Price: 12,000 gold pieces market, 6,000 to create.
Weight: 3 lbs.Description:
Ornately carved from aged ivory, this novelty-sized arrow is too large and cumbersome to be drawn even by the mightiest of longbows, yet it often used as a white flag to initiate negotiations in times of war. When held aloft in both hands, the quarrel not only absorbs magic missiles cast upon the user as per the shield spell, it also denies aggressors draws from the critical hit deck while forcing those who roll a critical fumble to draw twice from the critical fumble deck, applying both results if possible. These effects are lost if the wielder is ever drops the arrow, lowers it below their head, or attacks someone through mundane, magical or psionic means.Construction Requirements:
Craft Wondrous Item, shieldOn a side note, why is everyone being so hard on themselves? No, you don't suck, there were just other submissions that were better. Don't stop writing- there's always next year!
There are some errors regarding the proper format, for example the cost to create is listed with the market price, not fatal, but not good either. And I don't think the slot is appropriate.
And then to the item itself, big white arrow that when held prevents magic missiles to hit you. OK, that is not bad, but not very superstar either. And then to the drawback, I don't use the critical and fumble decks, and because they are not part of the Pathfinder SRD this is why you didn't make the cut.
AWRIGHT! Thank you very much for the feedback. I was trying to do something different in including the decks as I believe I stated before, and I guess that hurt more than it helped. My ORIGINAL idea was to have the quarrel force aggressors to roll twice to confirm critical hits and have the weapon damaged on critical fumbles, but I thought this was a little too much paperwork. Thank you very much guys. I've already got stuff lined up for the next competition that will now include these critiques in mind.
And thanks for considering my feelings DMMcCoy, but no harm, no foul! I look forward to doing better next year.
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RPG Superstar 2013
,
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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I think he stopped just before mine on purpose. Muttering something about malaria.
Hey, Clark...is there any news on when NG will be taking submissions for the Pathfinder game?
Sorry guys! I got evaluation fatigue and also RL got in the way. But I promised to do these, so I will. When, I dont know :) But I will. I'll try to do a few this weekend.
Clark
By the way, I think you can see that we are human and we make mistakes. We miss things. We mis-interpret things. And the absolutely immense task of reviewing all the items means we dont have a ton of time with each one and so first impressions matter, as does our mood at the time of the review.
Wolf and Sean are way more professional in their comments. I kinda let it fly a bit more. That's why the judges chambers are private for those kinds of thoughts and discussions and we dont post stuff here unless people ask.
But that does lead me to this reminder: please dont take my comments or snarky remarks in my judging as critical of you. I'm not. In fact, I am in awe of most of the contestants. Frankly, I dont know if I would have had the cajones to submit an item to a contest like this. So everyone who submitted really did great, in my book. But then we judges have a job to do--to sort them out. And that sorting process is subjective. We find ones we like and ones we dont. That;s what we have to do. PLEASE dont take that process as a comment on YOU, its not. Its just a comment on your item.
If I'm correct, this is the order. If I've goofed this up or missed someone, please let me know.
Fiend Slayers’ Tome
ARCHER'S EYEPATCH
Cloak of Deception
Orb of Acquiescence
Mannikin of Bilocation
BEDROLL OF RESTFUL SLEEP
Mantle of Subterfuge
Devotion of Fire and Ice
PHARASMA’S REPRIEVE
Berserker’s Battle Trophy
Eyes of Fear and Fire
FRONDEUR'S FLUTE OF ILL REPUTE
Monster’s Siren
Torc of the Stygian Imp
CROWN OF THE ILLITHID
Third Eye of the Bard
Parliament of Rooks
Veil of the Dead
Brain Plate
CLINGING CALTROPS
Witching Watcher
FOOTLIGHTS OF THE EIDOLIC ENSEMBLE
Mortal Receiver
Bracers of the Hermit
ENCHANTER'S VEIL
Mohrg Tongue Cocktail
OLD PROVIDENCE
Effigy of Lost Souls
Marble of Seeing (Around Corners)
HELM OF IRON ORDER
THE BONE METRONOME
Figurine of Wondrous Power, Iron Tiger
Iron Requiem
Khalil’s Gift of Freedom
Rogue’s Rouge (Elora)
Dove’s Quarrel
VESTMENTS OF THE UNSEEN PRIESTHOOD
Revenant Choker
Jaws of the Winter Wolf
Prolific Coffer of Plenty
Bells of the Horse Lords
Manacles of the Submissive Prisoner
Stone of Savior's Deliverance
Birthstone Pendant
Bloodbark Bracers
CANE OF YOUTHFUL VIGOR
SPELLSHARE BRACELETS
Hunter's Nosepiece (I think that's the name. This one’s mine, but was lost in the warp)
RIBBON OF DISJUNCTION
Mask Of Arcane Secrets
Shard of the Verdant Heart
“LEFTIE”
Whisk of the Saucerer
BRACERS OF THE IRON LORD
Rogue's Deck
MALLEABLE CORPUS
Gloves of the Puppeteer
Headband of Sixth sense
Reins of the Horse Lords
Djellaba of the Blue Lotus
Earrings of the Frozen North
Tatto[o]ed Rod
STUDY AID
DEATH MASK
Hoop of Holding
BRIDLE OF HEROISM
Pathfinder’s Handyman
SHROUDS OF THE ANCIENT
Belt of Beckon Elemental Changeling
DISTORTION HARNESS
Flourishing Rose Petals
Medusa’s Charm
Choker of the Midnight Lord
Crystal Orb of the Suffering Thoog
Bailey’s Bracers
Elixir of Soothing Slumber
NIGHT GUARD
Apocrypha Scarab
Arbitrator's Lamp
Blood Leech Choker
Trainer’s Manual
Orb of Possessions
Bard’s Army Sack
Mertzer’s Marvelous Minnow
RAGE FETISH
Sanative Shroud
FAOLAN’S RESURGENT ACORNS
Bracelet of Hand Detachment
Mercurio’s Bells
Duellers Polishing Cloth (done)
Alchemist’s Hookah
Pendent of the Five Claws
SOVEREIGN SIGIL
Fiend Slayer's Tome
We all thought this was just too good the way you got the special abilites.
That's a real short critique, but its how we felt. We all liked the idea but it just did way too much.
ARCHER'S EYEPATCH
This was an interesting one that led to discussion about the design decision to put feats in items, which essentially lets you buy feats with gold. I agree with that sentiment. Sean summarized the concern nicely:
"You shouldn't put feats into items because at high levels feats are precious while gold is plentiful ... you can just buy whatever feats you'd want. If you do put a 1st-tier feat into an item, price it at 5000 gp, or a 2nd-tier at 10000 gp. This item gives one of several feats for just 7000. And it doesn't list any of those feats in the prereqs."
I then added some comments:
"I was on the fence on this and then the creation info pushed me off, to reject. What archer wouldnt buy this? I mean, its a cheap 10k to buy a feat, and not just any feat but the next feat you are in line to get in the list (which is a good list). Thats nice! Probably too much. So I was struggling with this already. Then I saw the creation info. Haste? Locate creature? I get the locate creature, in theory I guess, cause it helps with targeting but locate creature is really a long distance spell. But how about cats grace? Or maybe true strike. Haste just doesnt make sense except perhaps for rapid shot. I think some poor choices were made here that a superstar wouldnt have made, on an item that I was already leaning to reject."
Hope that helps.
In the end, and in reflection, I think Sean's objections were more fatal than mine. The "feats for gold" design issue is a big one.
Cloak of Deception
We all agreed this was simple and would have made a book of items. But its a spell in a can, which just isnt superstar for us.
Here were my comments:
"Mislead in a can! Or, in this case, an "improperly-capitalized-mislead-in-a-can. Reject."
Orb of Acquiescence
Wolf said it best: "Eh. The problem with too much diplomacy is that it's not all that heroic to talk your way through everything. A couple spells and a skill bonus aren't enough for me, despite a fairly cool name. Reject."
I felt: "Not horrible. Simple Diplomacy buff (pretty good one) and a dominate person item. I wish people would resist that urge to throw in cheesy backstory. Reject."
And so it was rejected.
Yeah! resubscribed to the thread.
Pendent of the Five Claws
Next to last. that's what I get for waiting as long as I did. I knew I should have posted it right away. Oh well. I'm patient.
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RPG Superstar 2013
,
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Yeah..I didn't really know where I was on the list. I was just joshin'/
Wonder where that phrase comes from. I have 'Steved' a lot. But I don't ever think I've really 'Joshed'.
I'm happy to have your input when and if you get to it, Maestro. Sean was good enough to give some feedback some time ago. ANd then real life caused me to forget I had even submitted. Not literally, cause I love the contest.
Anyhoo..it's also good to get your take on everyone else's stuff. It's just as educational to see someone else get critiqued as it is to see my own thing.
Is there an answer about that other question? A partner and I have an idea that we think is very 1st edition feel..but we want to submit using PFRPG rules.
I asked on the NG forums and tried to email from the web site, but I was notified the email didn't work for some reason.
Clark,
Thank you for continuing this thread!!!
Just a couple more reviews.........
You missed Mine on your list It is on page 4 of this thread right near rogue's rouge.
Clark,
Thank you for continuing this thread!!!
Just a couple more reviews.........
Just a couple more....
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Dear Clark,
I look forward to your reply, wherein you will hopefully give your impressions and feedback for my RPG Superstar Round 1 Submission, the Ghostlight Lamp. Give my best to the fam; Gertrude sends her regards.
Yours in deepest appreciation,
Thomas
P.S. I was just reminded of our summer in Sicily! Oh how we lol'd! I've never heard a better rendering of "Sally Four Toes" - and on the kazoo to boot!
Aura faint conjuration; CL 12th
Slot –; Price 22,000 gp (ghostlight lamp), 48,000 gp (friar’s lantern)
Within this otherwise common lantern flit tiny orbs of soft, colored light, called ghostlights: creations of pure magic, yet still fey-like in appearance and movement. The lamp bearer can call forth these ghostlights to light an area or target, similar to a light, dancing lights, or farie fire spell, at will.
Additionally, once per week, the bearer can send forth the ghostlights to act as a guide, similar to the find the path spell, except any who can see the ghostlights can gain benefit from the spell and the duration lasts until the destination is reached.
A similar item, the friar’s lantern, functions as a ghostlight lamp, but also allows the bearer to send a whispered message, as per the message spell, at will. Rumors exist of a cursed lamp, called the corpselight lamp, which, rather than guide to safety, conjures a will o’ wisp to lead the bearer tragically astray.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dancing lights, faerie fire, find the path (ghostlight lamp, corpselight lamp), plus message (friar’s lantern); Cost 12,000 gp (ghostlight lamp, corpselight lamp), 18,000 gp (friar’s lantern); Weight 1lb.