My item, I went for solid instead of crazy powerful.
Goblin Gruel
I like the flavor text, but think that the final cost is waaaaay too cheap. If goblins had this, they'd be better than CD 1/2. I'd cut the number of servings down and boost the cost. Then you have elite goblins getting it and not the whole stinkin tribe.
I plan on wahoo-ing this (modified as above) into my home campaign.
;D
Some clarifications:
Ability damage per the SRD returns after 1 day. So no the wisdom damage is not permanent.
The cost, as said before by the judges it is a sort of black art and I felt that the +4 and -4 balance eachother out, at least for the first hour, after that first hour the -4 modifier is leading.
Furthermore I think that 2000gp represents the bulk of the goblin tribe's treasure.
But modify away, I am grateful that you like it.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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Oh what the hell. Judge me, cruel peers!
Amaranth Martingale
Oh yeah, and I managed to spell "Wondrous" incorrectly in my submission (SWEET!).
As did at least one of the 32 who succeeded.
It's a very nice concept. I agree that it seems to be priced based on plot rather than on the rules. It gives a real benefit so there's no reason to discount it.
It's quite possible that a designer could treat low-level members of the Crux Accretion as followers and cohorts and thus there would be no quibble with their superiors giving them items over their wealth by level.
I would hate to think I got disqualified on anything but the pricing, which was the iffiest part as far I was concerned.
Smirk’s Periapt of Inerrant Travel
Smirk was a gnomish spelunker who insisted on being able to smell diamonds from miles away. He would often drag friends along on his many quests for these and other precious minerals, then promptly get all of them lost underground. After surviving one too many of these quests, a clerical friend of Smirk’s created this periapt for him as a ‘present.’
The periapt of inerrant travel appears to be a palm-sized sphere of crystal held in a cage of steel wire attached to a heavy steel chain. Suspended in the center of the sphere is a metallic arrowhead that glows just brightly enough for someone without low-light vision to tell the direction in which it is pointing.
Once per day, the periapt can direct its user to a destination he or she visualizes, exactly as a find the path spell. Additionally, the periapt can cast dimension door up to three times per day. These two powers may be activated concurrently, allowing the user to “hop” to a chosen destination beyond the range of a single dimension door.
Moderate conjuration and divination; Caster level 11th; Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door, find the path; Price 79,280 gp.
-- end submission --
This is how I broke down my price estimate (which I didn't include with the final text of the submission)
Dimension Door (SL 4, CL 11): usable 3/day
Base: 88k
Limited use: 33k
Uncustomary space limitation: 49,500
Find the Path (SL 6, CL 11): usable 1/day
Base: 132k
Limited use: 26.4k
Lesser ability: 19.8k
Uncustomary space limitation: 29,700 gp
Crystal sphere: 80 gp
It's a very nice concept. I agree that it seems to be priced based on plot rather than on the rules. It gives a real benefit so there's no reason to discount it.
Much obliged. I think another possible hit was that the item was partially designed to generate interest in the organization (who don’t exist, btw; tentative idea has them labeled as “acquirers”).
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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This was mine...
Doreen's Delightful Dressing Screen** spoiler omitted **
On the long side but my program said it came out to (including title) 198 words. I was also unsure of the price (mostly an eyeball. I thought it might have been too hight, but someone else said i asked to review it said it looked too low) or requisite spells (i'd rather have it be spell-less than giving an inappropriate one).
It needs prerequisites. Disguise self and secret chest seem reasonable. Actually, it would be great if a high-level assassin could create this item, but none of the assassin spells in the SRD seem to fit as the second prerequisite. Nondetection, perhaps?
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Torque of the Ermine
I like the idea, but auto-winning grapple escapes is probably what sank this item. Perhaps a +X boost to these checks would have been better than auto-wins.
Perhaps, but that is, after all, what Freedom of Movement does.
I think a bonus to grapple is far less game-breaking (this came up in our last session, when a huge dragon could not grab one of our party), but if you have issues with it, you ought to take it up with the OGL...
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I would really like some feedback on my item (either in this thread or by emailing me at thrikreed@gmail.com, here is my entry into this competition:
Heart of Healing:
This large disk, crafted with a deity’s holy symbol on one side and the deity’s dogma on the reverse, when activated bestows upon the holder the benefits of the spell cure minor wounds (channeling 1 point of positive energy into the holder that cures 1 point of damage). To activate the item, the medallion must be held and the dogma must be read (requiring a command word that takes a full round action to recite).
Though its origins are in debate and the truth lost to time, the most widely accepted origin was a priest of a deity of commerce or money as a form of advertising. Since then many followers of other deities, many of them evil, have followed suit in crafting an item requiring the chanting of their dogma.
Priests of deities that commonly use or revere intelligent undead have taken to crafting these items with the spell inflict minor wounds (channeling 1 point of negative energy into holder that cures 1 point of damage for undead).
Many of these have strange edges to them allowing the medallion to be affixed into the surfaces of statues, so members of their congregation don’t make off with them.
Faint Conjuration; CL 1st; Craft Wondrous Items; Price 1,800 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Here are some additional notes that I do not think I included in the submission (but it was late and I was tired):
In Faerun patheon the originating deity is Waukeen and in Greyhawk it is Zilchus.
Item pricing: .5 (0th level spell) x 1 (1st level caster) x 900 (command word) x 2 (no space limitations) = 1,800 gp.
I realize now I'm over the 200 word count limit and was likely rejected for this. I think I wrote up the item description, counted 200 words, and next day wrote up the item's stats without thought to a new word count.
Heart of Healing:
I sense there is a little too much back-story, and it lacks a "WOW!" factor. In addition, every party would pool resources and eliminate injuries between encounters in a heck of a hurry, which could have affected you negatively (discounting the word allotment overage).
Overall, this is a terrific concept with solid mechanics, albeit potentially game breaking. It strikes me more as an Eberron item than anything else.
Nope, you were rejected for other reasons. I didnt even realize you were over the word count.
Your item was rejected because it was poorly designed.
In another thread you asked if we even recieved your entry and you wanted to know what we said. Well, I dont want to make a habit of this but I actually responded by cutting and pasting Wolfgang's comments, and my comments. Erik killed it with the reject button. My comments were the most detailed.
See, this is one of the reasons why we dont want to post this stuff. Do you feel better now knowing that? Wouldnt you rather just believe you were rejected for word count? That way you could persist in the false belief that your item was better and less flawed than the final 32. Which it clearly isnt.
The problem, as my be readily apparent to many, is that your item has no number of uses per day. You simply read the annoying inscription and voila! 1 hp. returns! It essentially, for 1800 gp., means as long as you live after a combat you rest for 10 minutes and heal 100 hp--effectively healing most characters to max. If you've got 10 minutes, this is a heal spell, essentially, for 1800 gp and unlimited uses. It totally reduces if not removes the whole point of clerics as a class and post-combat healing as a concept (more importantly, the idea that post-combat healing has to be planned for and may not be achieved--the PCs are supposed to be slowly depleted and reach a point where they have to choose to go on or go back; they arent supposed to have a magic unlimited disk that lets them heal up to full in 10 minutes by saying a phrase over and over). It also BRUTALLY changes adventure design even at the lowest levels since PCs simply wait 10 minutes and are at 100% hp for each and every upcoming designed encounter, without depleting any resources such as potions, etc. 3E and the EL/CR system are designed on the idea of depletion of resources and are shattered by an item such as this.
This is a bad item. I can fairly and honestly say this item wasnt even close to being in consideration for the top 32. It didnt even get put in the temporary limbo forum we had for items that were sort of borderline "keep for now and think about later." This one came right in and went right into the reject bin.
I'm seriously not trying to be harsh. I am using this as an example for why, in reality, you dont want to know what we did.
And I am not slamming YOU as a person. I am only evaluating the item. Perhaps, for whatever reason, you didnt see the end result here. Or maybe you MEANT to include some other restriction on the item. All we could judge was what was submitted.
[My post is in the "Well, I lost..." thread]
By the way you definately didnt include the two deity names, as those would have been grounds for auto-rejection.
But let me end with this, so I dont seem like so much of a tool:
I respect that you entered the competition. It takes stones to just do that. Lots of people didnt even do that. You took your shot, and I respect that. Please dont think I am criticizing you as a person at all.
You made some choices and took some risks, and I respect that. I'm sure you are willing to live and die with those choices and I respect that too.
And in the end, you may just say: "Clark is on crack, I still think my item rules!" And you know what, you might be right. Its not like they give out degrees in item design.
I feel bad that I used your post and item as an example. I hope that wasnt too mean. I dont intend to be mean.
I am a chaotic evil demon prince, though, so I guess some evil is understandable. :)
I hope you forgive me using your item. And I want to encourage you and say keep swinging away. I'm sure you have hundreds of other ideas that are awesome. And I dont want my comments here to dissuade you from continuing to be creative and to submit stuff.
I mean it.
Clark
Probably not the best item I've ever churned out but I thought it was cool. I am posting it here in the event someone finds it useful for their game (and to inspire everyone to learn a little about Persian carpets - which truly are works of art).
Prayer Rugs of the Family Arahkshah
Crafted by the Arahkshah family for generations these exquisite knotted carpets would be valued as treasures worthy of kings even without the enchantments woven into them. Divine spell casters that kneel on these carpets while praying for their daily spells find their healing magic (and their healing magic only) is charged with a special potency, maximized as by the feat. Unlike the feat the level of the required spell slot for spells maximized by the rug remain the same. The prayer rug can only be used once per day.
Strong Conjuration (Healing); CL 16th; Craft Wondrous Item, Maximize Spell, heal 50,000 gp; Weight 5 lb.
Probably not the best item I've ever churned out but I thought it was cool. I am posting it here in the event someone finds it useful for their game (and to inspire everyone to learn a little about Persian carpets - which truly are works of art).
Prayer Rugs of the Family Arahkshah
Crafted by the Arahkshah family for generations these exquisite knotted carpets would be valued as treasures worthy of kings even without the enchantments woven into them. Divine spell casters that kneel on these carpets while praying for their daily spells find their healing magic (and their healing magic only) is charged with a special potency, maximized as by the feat. Unlike the feat the level of the required spell slot for spells maximized by the rug remain the same. The prayer rug can only be used once per day.
Strong Conjuration (Healing); CL 16th; Craft Wondrous Item, Maximize Spell, heal 50,000 gp; Weight 5 lb.
Solid item, the Family Arahkshah fluff may be too prominent but still a solid item.
Here's my item that didn't make the cut. In comparing it with the winners and with various discussions I think it is probably too expensive for what it does and the back story really does nothing for the item.
Anyway thanks for the chance to submit an item and any feedback is appreciated.
Steve
This small drum was created for the gnome bard Loddyn Hilltinker by his betrothed. Its wooden barrel is exquisitely inlaid with scenes of the two adventuring under the watchful eyes of the gnome gods. The drum’s head and carrying strap are made from a worg’s black hide.
This drum gives a +1 enhancement bonus to any Perform(Percussion instrument) checks made using it. The drum’s magic can be activated three times per day by playing a rhythm on it and making a Perform check. The drum then repeats the rhythm for 5-minutes for each multiple of 10 achieved on the check. If the drum is used with any bardic music ability, not requiring concentration, the bard is free to act while the drum continues playing. The performer also gets a +1 enchantment bonus to subsequent perform checks for each multiple of 10 on the initial percussion check. Thus a result of 20 yields 10-minutes of playing time and a +2 bonus on subsequent perform checks. The performer can stop the drum early time by tapping it.
Faint illusion; CL 3rd; Craft Wondrous Item, ghost sound; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 2 lb.
My item, which falls into "plot hook" stereotype, outside being a seed for a story it doesn't have much use...
Gem of Hidden Pestilence
Gem of Hidden Pestilence is a pleasant-looking but usually inexpensive gemstone attached to a brooch, necklace or sometimes a ring. It appears non-magical for detect spells and similar effects while identify reveals its true nature. Gem is often planted to unsuspecting victims by evil cultists of death god or just someone wishing for random epidemic outburst.
The wearer of the Gem shows no symptoms of any disease he is carrying. He does not make any Fortitude saves to avoid the effects of any disease he has caught. He suffers no effects from the disease but does not recover from it either. However, he can catch new diseases and spread the diseases he is carrying. Also, the diseases he spreads have their Fortitude save DC raised by 5 and are resistant to remove disease spells and effects of caster level 7 or less.
No aura; CL 7th; Craft Wondrous Item, contagion, magic aura; Price 10,000 gp.
...so, let's have a wandering witch peddling charms selling this item to some local person as a protection against diseases "but you should not take it away ever, ducky...here, let me put it on and do a little attunement for it to work properly" (casts contagion to unsuspecting target), then the witch wanders off cackling by herself while there is sudden outburst of disease unusually resistant to remove disease spells (and the nifty part is of course that the little charm actually does what promised).
Crafter’s Toolbox
It's not sexy, but I like it. Unfortunately, the pricing hurts it, which is a shame; because I think the tabulation is correct.
Lots of passive voice, and lots of math. Trying to determine that this drum is a magical version of the “Simon” game made my head hurt. Also, a few of the sentences were difficult to resolve. That being said, it's a decent bard item.
Gem of Hidden Pestilence
Not too shabby at all, though sentence structure may have hurt you. I’ve seen a few “patient zero” items before along this same vein.
Well here is mine.
The Alchemy Lab of Aziz bin Rashad
This appears to be a large wooden frame backpack with canvas stretched over the wood to make the enclosure. The pack is opened by untying a series of flaps on the back panel. Once opened two bottle racks can be rotated out of the pack on pivots along the edge of the pack. These bottle racks can hold ten potion bottles each, securely. The inside bottom of the bag appears to be made of marble or granite and can be pulled out of the pack 3’ to create a small bench. The bench once extended is 4’ long and 2’ wide. The inside back of the pack has six drawers. Four of these drawers are filled with alchemical equipment (beakers, burners, alembics, mortars, etc); the other 2 drawers are filled with various sized containers for raw ingredients and components. Each drawer holds 30 items via a shrink effect. The pack always weighs 45 lbs no matter how full or empty it is.
Moderate Conjuration; CL 9th; Craft Wondrous Item, Secret chest, Shrink; Price 10,000 gp
Handy potion bottle
This bottle is typically fashioned of a hard metal and designed to have negligible weight. It is usually about three inches in length and one inch in diameter with a hinged stopper. Inside the bottle is a nondimensional space allowing it to hold up to six doses of a potion, each dose must be of the same kind of potion. When it is empty the bottle can be refilled with either the same or another kind of potion.
Drinking a dose from this bottle does not provoke an attack of opportunity and is considered a swift action, refilling the bottle is a standard action for each dose.
If the bottle is placed inside a bag of holding or portable hole then a rift to the Astral Plane is torn in the space, both items are sucked into the void and forever lost before the rift closes.Moderate conjuration; CL 9th; Craft Wondrous Item, secret chest; Price 2,600 gp (Price is for an empty bottle)
I like it. I guess you could put water in it, too. You seemed to be aiming for what I thought would be a "superstar" item: an item like the Handy Haversack or a portable hole that no adventurer would dare leave town without.
Nope, you were rejected for other reasons. I didnt even realize you were over the word count.
Your item was rejected because it was poorly designed.
In another thread you asked if we even recieved your entry and you wanted to know what we said. Well, I dont want to make a habit of this but I actually responded by cutting and pasting Wolfgang's comments, and my comments. Erik killed it with the reject button. My comments were the most detailed.
See, this is one of the reasons why we dont want to post this stuff. Do you feel better now knowing that? Wouldnt you rather just believe you were rejected for word count? That way you could persist in the false belief that your item was better and less flawed than the final 32. Which it clearly isnt.
The problem, as my be readily apparent to many, is that your item has no number of uses per day. You simply read the annoying inscription and voila! 1 hp. returns! It essentially, for 1800 gp., means as long as you live after a combat you rest for 10 minutes and heal 100 hp--effectively healing most characters to max. If you've got 10 minutes, this is a heal spell, essentially, for 1800 gp and unlimited uses. It totally reduces if not removes the whole point of clerics as a class and post-combat healing as a concept (more importantly, the idea that post-combat healing has to be planned for and may not be achieved--the PCs are supposed to be slowly depleted and reach a point where they have to choose to go on or go back; they arent supposed to have a magic unlimited disk that lets them heal up to full in 10 minutes by saying a phrase over and over). It also BRUTALLY changes adventure design even at the lowest levels since PCs simply wait 10 minutes and are at 100% hp for each and every upcoming designed encounter, without depleting any resources such as potions, etc. 3E and the EL/CR system are designed on the idea of depletion of resources and are shattered by an item such as this.
This is a bad item. I can fairly and honestly say this item wasnt even close to...
Well, I can't speak for this guy, but I think many of us have no issue with this. We should have known from the start this would be a critical pressure cooker if we made the open commenting rounds. I'm not at all sure the judges comments will be the most brutal as this goes forward.
I might already know that that my item was too complexly written with no truly catchy flavor and possibly obscured its value by closely resembling an iconicly established item--but it's beneficial to see if my thoughts are on target or not.
If someone could give me feedback (any of the judges, even) on my item (Smirk's Periapt of Inerrant Travel posted earlier in the thread) I would be grateful. I promise I won't be offended by any negative criticism. :)
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Well, here's my entry, if anyone is still reading;
Greylan's Gentle Grapple
This enigmatic little device resembles a spool of thread inside a metal canister about the size of a human fist. Four stylized feet support the bottom that firmly attach to whatever surface the device is placed on, even vertical ones. The top is adorned with an etched command word. A single hook is attached securely to the end of the thread.
When the hook is attached to a person’s clothing, it secures itself and vanishes, creating an invisible and intangible line back to the spool. A new hook forms on the device, ready to be attached again. The device generates 4 such hooks each day; hooks return at dawn.
Once someone is hooked, they need only speak the command word to be instantaneously transported back to the device from a distance of up to 1 mile.
Weary adventurers can return back to camp after an exhausting dungeon crawl, or when falling off a cliff. When exploring unknown locales, use it to counter getting lost by marking familiar territory. Thieves setting up complicated heists will have their work cut in half!
Moderate Conjuration; CL 7th; Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door; Price 40, 320 gp; Weight 4lbs
That would be a shame. I thought the gift-giving mechanic lifted the original to a real contender.After seeing the winners and reading some of the comments here's how I would edit it:
Mask of the Sea-Reavers, Eagle revised
** spoiler omitted **
Thanks, Starglim. I like the potlatch idea as well. Perhaps I should have saved it for my country description or presented it as a DM's secret.
On further reflection and reading my submission I realize that its presented as if every warrior has one of these. This kind of takes the "wondrous" out of wondrous item. I should have explained that the elite warriors and chiefs carry these.
Anyone else?
Mask of the Sea-Reavers, Eagle
These wooden masks are carved and stylized in the shape of particular totem animals. They are brightly colored and usually adorned with feathers, teeth, or claws of the appropriate animal.
The native half-elves who make these masks practice “potlatch” or formal gift-giving. If a mask is given freely as a gift to someone outside the family, tribe, or group (DM's discretion) the native gods smile upon the giver. He receives an inherent bonus of +1 to his charisma score. This bonus is available only once and is lost if the group ever buys or steals a similar mask.
Note: explorers and survivors have reported eagle, raven, and bear masks. Rumors speak of more exotic masks.
Eagle
The native half-elven tribal warriors use these masks during their coastal raids. Slipping silently through the fog in their canoes, warriors wearing an eagle mask are granted the ability to see in fog, mist, smoke and similar effects (magical or otherwise) as if the effect were not present. Therefore any targets of the wearer are not granted concealment by these effects.
Moderate conjuration; CL 10; Craft Wondrous Item, obscuring mist, eagle’s splendor; Price: 40,000 gp; Weight 1lb.
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I wonder about the +2 Charisma bonus for paladins vs evil creatures ... seems a bit strange. What's the background story on this?
I based that on the fact that almost every paladin I've had in one of my games has tried to either a.) attempt to intimidate evil NPCs, or b.) use diplomacy to try to make captured enemies see the error of their evil ways. Sort of like frightening presence lite.
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Earhorn of Odd Ability (Audibility)
This diminutive ear horn is crafted from a shining silver tube shaped into an exaggerated, corkscrew spiral that gradually narrows from the larger trumpet-like opening to the earpiece portion.
The ear horn's trumpet is lined with a circle of tiny, yellow citrines. The earpiece is tipped with a narrow quartz crystal through which a miniscule channel has been bored to permit the passage of sound.
While employing the ear horn in mundane fashion, the user may hold it to their ear as a standard action, gaining a +5 bonus to all Listen checks.
Once per day, as a standard action, the user of the ear horn can blow into earpiece of the ear horn to duplicate the effect of a deafness spell on the chosen target. Fortitude save (DC 13) negates.
Once per day, as a standard action, the user can reverse the ear horn by bringing the trumpet opening to their mouth and blowing into it. This causes a silence effect to be emitted from the quartz crystal earpiece, centered on the chosen target. Will save (DC 13) negates.
Faint evocation, transmutation; CL 4th;
Craft Wondrous Item, blindness/deafness, owl's wisdom, silence
Price 29,000 Weight 1 lb.
Scapular of the Heroic Slayer
Liked:
1) its a scapular, which I had never heard of until now
2) it is conferred via a ritual, one that is easily performed by PCs
3) it stacks with a Periapt of wisdom, giving the PC the option to get that magic item as well. a nice and original take on doubling up item slots
4) the heroic nature of the item
5) the anti-undead raising thing. something that the characters in the game would be very concerned with, but the PCs/DM may not think aboutConstructive Criticism
1) the mechanics behind the bonus feats. A +4 AC bonus would have done the trick just as well. And since they are feats that rogues get, the anti-undead item is of less value to the class that doesn't get to use one of their best abilities when fighting creatures that aren't affected by sneak attack.2) Written as-is, I'd have lowered the cost. The big draws are the roleplay benefit of not coming back to eat everyone's brains and you can use a wisdom item with it if you want to. I
3) I know English is your second language, but its spelled "whether" ... not that I know one word of Portuguese other than "Please for the love of God, does anyone here speak English?!?!?" And I'm told that's not even very good Portuguese.
Thanks for the feedback. I've been meaning to write up a scapular for a while, and the uncanny dodge ability seemed to go well with an item that you actually hang on your back (I toyed with the idea of making it take up a cloak slot, but decided to go with the "set" thing with the Periapts). As for rogues, I'd write for them an item to help them battle undead, but this one is specifically geared towards those who battle undead more often, i.e. clerics, paladins and their ilk. For rogues, I'd write something else.
Re: the spelling: this is the version I had in my cimputer. I did a spelling editing before hitting the "submit" button, so that may have been corrected. Thanks, at any rate.
As for the pricing, I'd rather shoot too high than too low, so I took my cue from the Ring of Evasion.
This was mine...
Doreen's Delightful Dressing Screen** spoiler omitted **
On the long side but my program said it came out to (including title) 198 words. I was also unsure of the price (mostly an eyeball. I thought it might have been too hight, but someone else said i asked to review it said it looked too low) or requisite spells (i'd rather have it be spell-less than giving an inappropriate one). Probably rejected because it was too awesome. I also would agree that i'd like to see the comments made by the judges on my submission so that I may learn from them, however harsh they may be.
The first paragraph starts out fine, but seems to break down when you start talking about what clothing you can change into. I would probably have limited it to a suit of armor and up to 4 items (magical or mundane).
Otherwise, I could see some of my players wanting to use something like this, for the social aspect. I could see making a situational +2 to charisma checks instead of the +4 to disguise since you could tailor your outfit to your needs.
But let me end with this, so I dont seem like so much of a tool:
Quick, someone hand me my arquebus of pillows, so I may end this. ;)
TASTE FLUFFY DEATH!!! (FWOOMPH. FWOOMPH. FWOOMPH)
(you know...even though I picked on it...this might just have to see it's way into my game.)
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Well...here's mine. I'm embarrassed by it now that I've started reading these. I'm thinking I'll just stick to "fighting and winning my nation's wars," and leave the writing and designing to the professionals.
Sin Box
An unadorned box made of dark wood; 4”x2”x1”. Inside are seven crystals, one for each deadly sin. When used by an evil-aligned character, the essence of a particular sin is immediately transferred to the victim, and the victim’s contrasting virtue is transferred to the crystal. The captured virtue is converted within 1d4 days, recharging the used crystal. When used by good characters, sin is transferred to the crystal. When used by neutral characters, roll d% chance for no effect, sin-transfer to user, or normal effect. 01 = transfer to user; 02-31 = no effect; 33-100 = normal transfer. A 300% overcharge results in crystal recharge. A complete Box recharge results in a d% increase in XP for the user. 01 = 999 XP; 02-31 = 666 XP; 32-100 = 333 XP. Crystals activate at command, affecting a 30-foot radius (Will DC 16 partial). Essences of sin seek out the desired target within the area of effect. Sin is determined by the GM. Crystals infect or cleanse the victim with or from the sin to which they are most prevalent.
Major enchantment; CL 17th, Craft Wondrous Item, Price 200,000 gp.
But let me end with this, so I dont seem like so much of a tool:
You are not being a tool, but honest. I understand that your candor when discussing these items with one another is an important process of judging. With 850+ entries, along with an array of different applicants, not everyone can stand up to harsh criticism. Even if they say they can.
As a part-time publisher (Alea Publishing Group; plug, plug), I honestly respect your wishes on not showing your comments and I hope others on the various superstar threads can respect that as well. I know some of you (all of us "losers") might take the criticism, but others might run back under their rock.
To give you an example, I make no money at what I do - we put it back into the company. So in essence, I devout my free "hobby time" in writing, doing page layout, designing covers, and producing maps, for the products I publish.
Keeping this in mind, when a customer does not like a product I do, they may rate it on one of the various .pdf retailers. And a lot of the time, when someone dislikes the product, it receives a low rating and a comment like "Waste of Money!"
Now, I do not mind the low rating, but lack of constructive criticism and detailed reasoning behind their quip is frustrating. This is not a point for us (the losers) to ask for constructive criticism on each of our 850+ items, but I am sure there is a lot of items that were rejected outright without any comment. Even if they did comment in detail on every item, it still will not be enough to console those of us who lost.
Another quick example - I wrote an article for Dragon many years ago. One editor rejected it because the crunch wasn't crunchy enough, but like the story (an Ecology Article). They asked me to add more stuff and send it back. I did (in the mean time a new editor took the reins), and it got rejected, not because of the crunchy stuff (they loved it), but thought the story weak. That is the way it is.
There is no way to satisfy everyone.
So, let us suck it up - respect their wishes, wait for the next open call, submit your idea (never stop submitting), and (the most important part) continue gaming.
P.S. You can always do what I do, start a small publishing company and join us in the small pond with the other small fish. And whoever created the item Clark commented about, thank him for commenting - because criticism, harsh as it is sometimes, is still a valuable tool.
I like it. I guess you could put water in it, too. You seemed to be aiming for what I thought would be a "superstar" item: an item like the Handy Haversack or a portable hole that no adventurer would dare leave town without.Handy potion bottle
This bottle is typically fashioned of a hard metal and designed to have negligible weight. It is usually about three inches in length and one inch in diameter with a hinged stopper. Inside the bottle is a nondimensional space allowing it to hold up to six doses of a potion, each dose must be of the same kind of potion. When it is empty the bottle can be refilled with either the same or another kind of potion.
Drinking a dose from this bottle does not provoke an attack of opportunity and is considered a swift action, refilling the bottle is a standard action for each dose.
If the bottle is placed inside a bag of holding or portable hole then a rift to the Astral Plane is torn in the space, both items are sucked into the void and forever lost before the rift closes.Moderate conjuration; CL 9th; Craft Wondrous Item, secret chest; Price 2,600 gp (Price is for an empty bottle)
So did I, I figure I was not selected based on personal taste of the judges and that's something I can live with and be happy about.
Here's my item:
Adventurer's Mark:
This is a fine surcoat of heavy silk or linen with the customizable emblem of an Adventuring Company or noble on the chest-such as a lion rampant, or a dragon, perhaps some other coat of arms. Small, 1 pound weights are sewn into the hem at either end keep it hanging appropriately. It does not occupy a magic item "slot." It feels pleasantly warm to the touch, as if it had sat in sunlight for an afternoon, and leaves a lingering sense of safety and well-being.
While worn, the Mark has many powers; each is activated by a mental command. Powers should be considered cast by the wearer of the Mark, so that all effects can be cast on the wearer or another via touch. Activating a power is a standard action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity.
Cure Light Wounds: 2/Day
Endure Elements: 1/Day
Protection From Evil: 1/Day
Faint Conjuration; CL 1st; Craft Wondrous Item, Cure Light Wounds, Endure Elements, Protection From Evil; Price 2880gp
***
Any comments are appreciated.
-Ben.
Sin Box
A lot of us aren't professional writers either, so don't worry about it. ;)
When I first started reading this, I thought about the pathfinder series, the tie to the seven deadly sins, and keeping track of the characters' sins for a later story. I liked this concept and was a little excited.
When I got the part about charging the crystals and gaining xp...well, that ended it for me. This feels like the whole "making xp into a resource" idea, even if it is giving xp back, and could become subject to abuse. Maybe instead of the xp bonus, give powers based on the particular sin.
I could see this become the center of a retrieval adventure (return each crystal from a group that taken them and using them for ill). So it has potential.
I'm not sure what did me in, most likely a "Swiss Army Item". Either way, I'd be interested in what people think about my item.
Skeleton Key Ring
This item appears to be a ring of keys made from several different types of metal with a skull at the base of each key. A skeleton key ring includes one or more keys, each with a different magic power.
Key Type-Spell-Like Ability Granted
Copper Key- Detect Magic
Silver Key- Knock
Gold Key- Arcane Lock
Platinum Key- Dispel Magic
Each key can be used three times per day, except for the platinum key, which works twice per day. The owner must be holding the specific key for whichever effect they desire.
The power of a key is lost if it is removed from the ring. Reduce the price of a skeleton key ring that is missing one or more keys by the following amounts: copper key – 1125 gp, silver key -1800 gp, gold key – 3675 gp, platinum key -4050 gp.
Faint or moderate (many schools); CL0(Copper), CL3(Silver, Gold), CL5(Platinum); Craft Wondrous Item; and one of the following spells per key, as appropriate: Detect Magic(Copper); Arcane Lock(Gold); Knock(Silver); Dispel Magic(Platinum): Price 10,650 gp.
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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I feel bad that I used your post and item as an example. I hope that wasnt too mean. I dont intend to be mean.
I am a chaotic evil demon prince, though, so I guess some evil is understandable. :)
I hope you forgive me using your item. And I want to encourage you and say keep swinging away. I'm sure you have hundreds of other ideas that are awesome. And I dont want my comments here to dissuade you from continuing to be creative and to submit stuff.
I mean it.
Clark
I think all three judges have been very encouraging. If items are great, you have said WOW. If items have been mediocre, you have said DON'T GIVE UP...GOOD TRY...KEEP WORKING. You deserve a lot of credit for that.
I wanted to add that I like the repetitive mantra feel of this item, I just think it should heal more than one point in one round (a full-round action is a lot for one hp), it should cost more, and it hould be limited in total number of uses. Maybe emulating the lay on hands ability and each use heals your CHA bonus in hp, up to a maximum number of uses equal to your character level. Finally, if you want good FR flavor (and this would get you bounced from the contest), dedicate it to Ilmater and have it only work on someone else. That way your DM can get rid of it or balance it by threatening the bearer.
With any fix, there's a lot of healing in the game these days and I don't think it's Superstar. But then neither was mine. Just try to remember that game balance is a lot of the consideration in design. Just as you don't want to throw tarrasques at your 10th level party, you don't want unlimited healing or unpenalized spell use to break your game.
Clark: if you decide you want to kick anyone else in the berries, feel free to make an example out of me, but I think everyone here should really take the point that sometimes it's better not to know.
Clark: if you decide you want to kick anyone else in the berries, feel free to make an example out of me, but I think everyone here should really take the point that sometimes it's better not to know.
I can handle the truth as well. Bring it on Clark.
It's always better to know.
We all need a little Vince Young in us to take the criticism and make ourselves better from it. Feed on it. ;)
But we all perceive the world in different ways.
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Can't locate the original document, so this is me running from memory (or as close to it as I can get):
Sage's Archive
Needs more crunch to explain what level of bonus is appropriate for how much info. There should be some way of tying what has been entered into the Archive with what skills get bonuses. This can get complicated and probably lead to not making the cut - not enough constraint/guidelines.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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I'm not sure what did me in, most likely a "Swiss Army Item". Either way, I'd be interested in what people think about my item.
Skeleton Key Ring
This item appears to be a ring of keys made from several different types of metal with a skull at the base of each key. A skeleton key ring includes one or more keys, each with a different magic power.
Thank you for posting this, Otter77. I can imagine a cool visual here.
If I were evaluating this item, I'd have concerns that it is, essentially, just a spell-storage item. I've often seen knock or passwall wands in the shape of skeleton keys, and this seems built on the same principles.
Is there any way that the key-theme could be made into something different, either better or more limited in a flavorful way? Maybe the dispel magic key would have a range of touch, or perhaps the user could use the key to restore the "opened" magic afterwards?
I'm not sure what did me in, most likely a "Swiss Army Item". Either way, I'd be interested in what people think about my item.
Skeleton Key Ring
You want to see a "Swiss Army Knife" mine is it - The Belt of Heroic Action.
Personally, the Copper Key and Platinum Key doesn't really fit with the theme of a skeleton key. Secondly, the item does not take up a body slot, so essentially you have 4 wands on a stick without every losing their charges - and is usable by every class. The price is perhaps a little off . A wand of Dispel Magic is 11,250 gp. That in itself is an indicator your item is too powerful.
I like the idea and theme, but needs some fine tuning. I would drop the two keys I mentioned and work from there. Maybe instead of metal keys, what about actually skeleton or undead fingers (lich, zombie, ghoul, etc.)
I'm not sure what did me in, most likely a "Swiss Army Item". Either way, I'd be interested in what people think about my item.
Skeleton Key Ring
You want to see a "Swiss Army Knife" mine is it - The Belt of Heroic Action.
Personally, the Copper Key and Platinum Key doesn't really fit with the theme of a skeleton key. Secondly, the item does not take up a body slot, so essentially you have 4 wands on a stick without every losing their charges - and is usable by every class. The price is perhaps a little off . A wand of Dispel Magic is 11,250 gp. That in itself is an indicator your item is too powerful.
I like the idea and theme, but needs some fine tuning. I would drop the two keys I mentioned and work from there. Maybe instead of metal keys, what about actually skeleton or undead fingers (lich, zombie, ghoul, etc.)
I agree on both accounts. Truthfully the item is modeled after the strand of prayer beads and both the mentioned keys are included to help with doors that might be trapped.
As for the pricing, sadly I forgot to multiply by CL & spell level, which would price my item more appropriately.
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Okay, here's mine, and no it was not a joke, it is a serious item and I intend to add it into my game. My players loved the concept. I would appreciate feedback if anyone has any, thanks.
Bag of Scolding
"This item is not cursed, it is merely annoying."
That quote sums up the issue with this item. It is derivative (bag of holding) and annoying. More of a plot device than a wonderous item.
Headdress of the Shaman
The Headdress of the Shaman is made from the teeth of powerful animals, adorned with eagle’s feathers and gems representing spirits of the animals and the four elements.
Myths abound of crowns made from the bones of powerful undead and helms made from metals from the many planes.
You gain the ability to speak with any creature summoned by your summon nature’s ally spell.
Three times per day when you cast a summon nature’s ally spell each creature summoned gains a +4 enhancement bonus to Strength and Constitution for the duration of the spell.
Lesser and Greater Headdress: Normal headdress can be used with spells of 6th level or lower. Lesser headdress can be used with spells of 3rd level or lower, while a greater headdress can be used with spells of 9th level or lower.
Faint, Moderate or Strong conjuration ; CL 5th (lesser), CL 11th (normal), CL 17th (greater); Craft Wondrous Item, Augment Summoning, summon natures ally, & speak with animal; Price 10,000 gp (lesser), 26,500 gp (normal), 52,500 gp (greater); weight 3 lb.
Could people give me their opinion on my above item. I thought it was pretty solid, but I would appreciate any comments good and bad. The one way improve is from defeat. I have been defeated now I hope to improve. If any of the judges would like to comment that would be great. Though I am sure they may be a bit too busy. Thanks
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Here's my item:
Adventurer's Mark:
This is a fine surcoat of heavy silk or linen with the customizable emblem of an Adventuring Company or noble on the chest-such as a lion rampant, or a dragon, perhaps some other coat of arms. Small, 1 pound weights are sewn into the hem at either end keep it hanging appropriately. It does not occupy a magic item "slot." It feels pleasantly warm to the touch, as if it had sat in sunlight for an afternoon, and leaves a lingering sense of safety and well-being.
***Any comments are appreciated.
Hi, Ben. Thank you for posting this. I can imagine the members of an adventuring company pooling their funds and ordering a set of these: they don't take up an item slot (Is that because they fit over armor and a cloak?) and they're generally useful.
(I smile as I also imagine that the Order of the Dragon Rampant might take issue with someone else wearing a Mark taken off a fallen comrade, or the party getting entirely the wrong reception in a local village because one of them is wearing such a Mark!)
But, aside from the disfavor the judges had for items that did nothing more than copy a spell, there's a mechanical issue here: what level are the spells cast at? Usually, that's the level of the creator, but here, all efects a"should be considered cast by the wearer of the Mark", so that might mean that a seventh-level fighter is casting the spells at 7th-level.
Why limit the Protection effect to only Protection fron Evil? Would lawful parties want to use Protection from Chaos?
That's the only comment I have. I think the pricing is about right.
I agree on both accounts. Truthfully the item is modeled after the strand of prayer beads and both the mentioned keys are included to help with doors that might be trapped.As for the pricing, sadly I forgot to multiply by CL & spell level, which would price my item more appropriately.
Pricing aside, that is a good item to model it after - maybe dispel is usable only once, then becomes inert (like bead of summons) or if used to unlock a door it has a chance to dispel magical traps enchanted on just the door (this way, it limits the versatility of dispel magic and doesn't prevent traps protecting the area in front of the door).
Either of those suggestions drops the price significantly. Like I said, it needs some tweaking. Maybe someone can start a tweak item thread to make these "losing" items winning ones.