Losing items


RPG Superstar™ 2008 General Discussion

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Scarab Sages

xdahnx wrote:

Well, here's my entry, if anyone is still reading;

Greylan's Gentle Grapple

I like the item description, but it's word of recall in a box.

Scarab Sages

Andrew Turner wrote:

Well...here's mine. I'm embarrassed by it now that I've started reading these. I'm thinking I'll just stick to "fighting and winning my nation's wars," and leave the writing and designing to the professionals.

Sin Box

Explains what happens, but not what it does. Also, way too dependant upon a real world belief system.

Scarab Sages

terraleon wrote:

Here's my item:

Adventurer's Mark:

-Ben.

It should occupy a slot. It should explain why those spells, other than "dang, those are handy." They should only effect the wearer.

I like the actual description of the item. And it needs a hat.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Just to toss mine out for some feedback (I think I did some minor edits when posting, so I'm not positive this is word for word what I submitted):

Vest of the Magma Rage

This rough hide vest is adorned with stitching in primitive fiery patterns. Anyone wearing this vest gains fire resistance 10 (30 for greater vest). Barbarians, however, are able to unlock its true potential. A barbarian raging while wearing a vest of the magma rage can choose to encase himself in a burning shell of rock. This grants a +4 enhancement bonus to armor class and deals 1d6 points of fire damage to all adjacent creatures (+10 armor and 3d6 fire damage for greater vests) for the duration of the rage. Additionally, raging barbarians wearing a lesser vest of the magma rage can cast a fireball as a 5th level sorcerer centered on himself once per day. Greater vests of magma rage allow a raging barbarian to cast a fireball as a 10th level sorcerer three times per day, again centered on the barbarian.
Moderate (lesser) or strong (greater) evocation; CL 5th (lesser) or 10th (greater); Craft Wondrous Item, resist energy, fireball; Price 34,000 gp (lesser), 160,000 gp (greater)
(Price based on Ring of Energy Resistance, and 70% cost (due to class ability based) for fireball and armor bonus. 1d6/3d6 fire dmg was eyeballed)

After I submitted, I realized I should have clarified how the fireball affects the barbarian. My initial thought was to be immune, but then I realized, what the heck, this is for barbarians, let them take the damage. :) So I would tack on:

"The barbarian only has the vest's fire resistance to protect him from the fireball, although he is able to make a Reflex save to reduce the damage as usual." or something like that. Denying the Reflex save might make some sense with physics, but is probably too mean. After all, if a wizard dropped a fireball at his feet, it would work the same way.

But I would love any feedback from judges or anyone. Not passing the first round doesn't mean I can't improve my skillz! :) Thanks!


Guardian's Amulet
The amulet was originally created by a human paladin who served as a bodyguard to the head of a local clerical order. However, the complex enchantment created for the original version has since been duplicated by clerics, paladins and blackguards of many religions so they may protect their faithful. The Guardian's Amulet is usually in the form of a holy (or unholy) symbol of the wearer's religion on a gold chain.

The Guardian's Amulet provides a +2 sacred bonus on all saving throws (Fortitude, Reflex, and Will) as well as a +2 sacred bonus to AC. The item also grants any individual with the same religion as the wearer who is also within ten feet the same AC and saving throw bonuses. An evil version of this amulet provides profane bonuses in place of sacred bonuses.

If the holy version of this amulet is worn by an evil character, they do not gain the benefits of this amulet. If the unholy version of this amulet is worn by a good character, they do not gain the benefits of this amulet.

Moderate abjuration; CL 12th; Craft Wondrous Item, Resistance, Shield Other Price 40,000gp; Weight 1 lb.


Great thread, I wish I'd seen it sooner. I'll bite:

Scarf of Skills

This dull gray scarf of fine silk can duplicate most skills. As a full-round action, the wearer can cause the scarf to absorb a skill successfully used by a creature within 30 feet.
The scarf can only absorb one skill per day, but once absorbed it is retained until activation via command word. For one hour after activation, any uses of this skill requiring a check are granted a +10 competence bonus. During this time, the wearer is treated as trained in the appropriate skill, even if she had never invested any ranks in it. If 24 hours have passed without activation, the scarf can absorb a new skill, replacing the one previously stored. The scarf can only absorb skills requiring a skill check.
Faint transmutation; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, bear’s endurance, bull’s strength, cat’s grace, eagle’s splendor, fox’s cunning, owl’s wisdom; Price 6,250 gp

-------------------------

I hadn't realized that a creative name was so important, so that's an obvious flaw. Also, it might be obvious, but since I didn't see any scarves in the SRD I should have probably specified the body slot it used.

I'll really appreciate the feedback!!

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

Evilturnip wrote:

Thanks for the attention. The mechanic was intended to go along with the flavour - the device is broken, and functions in a broken form.

Also, it seemed like a no-no to let arcane spells get swapped one-for-one with 1d4 of healing, so a penalty seemed to be required.

I thought 1 pt of ability damage was an acceptable trade off. It makes the item usable, but not abusable, especially since arcane casters tend to have low CON anyway.

In retrospect, I can see that the backstory might have been too much, but I really enjoy items with a history and a name, rather than just plain old +1 items, even at very low level.

Listen, I liked the "broken" theme. And I thought the damage was a cool tradeoff. I happen to agree with Erik, but I like the fact that you took risks and made your submission. Keep it up!

Scarab Sages

Otter77 wrote:

I'm not sure what did me in, most likely a "Swiss Army Item". Either way, I'd be interested in what people think about my item.

Skeleton Key Ring

I agree with your evaluation.

Scarab Sages

OgeXam wrote:

Headdress of the Shaman

It is solid, but a little lean, if you get me. I think including the different types (undead, elementals) was too ambitious and you should have played up the coolness of this version. Perhaps giving the wearer a reason to talk to them would have been a good idea (or a reason for them to talk to the wearer).

Sovereign Court

Sebastian wrote:


And in that case, I'd be curious what you said about mine...

I'm growing increasingly incurious about my comments - I strongly suspect they'll consist of "Yawn.", "What's the Point?", and "Overcosted."


Ken Marable wrote:

Just to toss mine out for some feedback (I think I did some minor edits when posting, so I'm not positive this is word for word what I submitted):

Vest of the Magma Rage

This rough hide vest is adorned with stitching in primitive fiery patterns. Anyone wearing this vest gains fire resistance 10 (30 for greater vest). Barbarians, however, are able to unlock its true potential. A barbarian raging while wearing a vest of the magma rage can choose to encase himself in a burning shell of rock. This grants a +4 enhancement bonus to armor class and deals 1d6 points of fire damage to all adjacent creatures (+10 armor and 3d6 fire damage for greater vests) for the duration of the rage. Additionally, raging barbarians wearing a lesser vest of the magma rage can cast a fireball as a 5th level sorcerer centered on himself once per day. Greater vests of magma rage allow a raging barbarian to cast a fireball as a 10th level sorcerer three times per day, again centered on the barbarian.
Moderate (lesser) or strong (greater) evocation; CL 5th (lesser) or 10th (greater); Craft Wondrous Item, resist energy, fireball; Price 34,000 gp (lesser), 160,000 gp (greater)
(Price based on Ring of Energy Resistance, and 70% cost (due to class ability based) for fireball and armor bonus. 1d6/3d6 fire dmg was eyeballed)

After I submitted, I realized I should have clarified how the fireball affects the barbarian. My initial thought was to be immune, but then I realized, what the heck, this is for barbarians, let them take the damage. :) So I would tack on:

"The barbarian only has the vest's fire resistance to protect him from the fireball, although he is able to make a Reflex save to reduce the damage as usual." or something like that. Denying the Reflex save might make some sense with physics, but is probably too mean. After all, if a wizard dropped a fireball at his feet, it would work the same way.

But I would love any feedback from judges or anyone. Not passing the first round doesn't mean I can't improve my...

I think whether or not the barbarian is immune is your call (different flavors, really), but I agree it should have been addressed either way.

But I have to admit that nothing about this item screams "barbarian" to me. Aside from your statement about it being available while the barbarian rages, this could have just as easily been geared toward dwarves, fighters, etc. I think this could have helped a lot, to tie the item more strongly to its theme.

Hope that helps!!

Scarab Sages

Dark wrote:


OK everyone -- I'd appreciate any feedback on this item. I know for starters that it fit into the judges bad stereotype of a travel based item. Also, after comparing it to the 32, I can see that it was not nearly as high on a "Wow! That is some crazy s#$%!" factor. I was going for useful and practical and I thought the bedroll angle was a good one. What do you think? Was I even close in price? Is it something that the characters in your campaigns would want? Be as harsh as you like. It's all good.

Bedroll of Bowered Dreams

I think you're correct about it being the "makes travel unbothersome" kind of item. Asa DM, I'd HAVE to mess with the players or just make the item unavailable.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Darkjoy

Clark, critique me please?

Spoiler:

Goblin Gruel

This milky, greenish concoction tastes surprisingly sweet. It bestows upon the eater a +4 morale bonus to strength and grants the eater the use of the Diehard feat, both effects last for one hour. Eating the gruel also incurs 4 points of damage to the eater’s wisdom score.

Before any major raid or battle, goblin warchanters and shamans work together in creating a batch of goblin gruel for the warriors. According to goblins, the gruel makes a goblin stronger, twice as tough and absolutely fearless. Other sources often refer to the fine line between fearless and senseless, but admit the truth of the first and second claim.

Faint transmutation; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, bestow curse, rage; Price 2000 gp for a batch of 50 servings.

Dark Archive Bella Sara Charter Superscriber

cappadocius wrote:
Sebastian wrote:


And in that case, I'd be curious what you said about mine...
I'm growing increasingly incurious about my comments - I strongly suspect they'll consist of "Yawn.", "What's the Point?", and "Overcosted."

That was my reaction. It seemed like a lot of trouble and expense to do something of little value to an adventurer and which could just as easily be accomplished with the Sleight of Hand skill or a cantrip. Did I miss something? What was the use of the item?

Scarab Sages

RogerC wrote:

Scarab of Weal and Woe

Cheers,
Roger

I think the real issue here is the additional paperwork involved in keeping track of what the DC was and when it is surpassed. Also, -20 for the indefinite future is mighty harsh. Final issue is with munchkin-ish players, it would be easy to get nigh infinite +20 bonuses out of this device. A fixed uses per day (say 3 uses) on top of the rest would go to stopping that.


Patrick Walsh wrote:

Scarab of Weal and Woe

I think the real issue here is the additional paperwork involved in keeping track of what the DC was and when it is surpassed. Also, -20 for the indefinite future is mighty harsh. Final issue is with munchkin-ish players, it would be easy to get nigh infinite +20 bonuses out of this device. A fixed uses per day (say 3 uses) on top of the rest would go to stopping that.

Yeah, there's a bit of record-keeping, but it's only one number -- it seems on par with tracking the charges left in a wand, to me, anyway. But it's a good point.

I'm not sure I see the munchkin angle -- is there some obvious abuse that I'm missing?

Thanks,
Roger

Scarab Sages

deClench wrote:
Patrick Walsh wrote:
deClench wrote:

As self-conscious as I'm currently feeling, I do want to grow as a writer and designer. So, here is my entry.

Second Thought
** spoiler omitted **

All comments are welcome.

-Scott

What's it based on?

Sorry, I don't follow.

Are you asking if there is a precedent in the game for the increasing intelligence? Not that I know of.

Are you asking if there is something similar from myth or literature on which it was modeled? Again, not that I know of.

-Scott

OK. Seemed familiar, which is why I asked. I like the clock-work aspect of the item. I, too, would like to know how to adjudicate the device when it becomes sentient. Does it have an adgenda?


OgeXam wrote:

Headdress of the Shaman

The Headdress of the Shaman is made from the teeth of powerful animals, adorned with eagle’s feathers and gems representing spirits of the animals and the four elements.

Myths abound of crowns made from the bones of powerful undead and helms made from metals from the many planes.

You gain the ability to speak with any creature summoned by your summon nature’s ally spell.

Three times per day when you cast a summon nature’s ally spell each creature summoned gains a +4 enhancement bonus to Strength and Constitution for the duration of the spell.

Lesser and Greater Headdress: Normal headdress can be used with spells of 6th level or lower. Lesser headdress can be used with spells of 3rd level or lower, while a greater headdress can be used with spells of 9th level or lower.

Faint, Moderate or Strong conjuration ; CL 5th (lesser), CL 11th (normal), CL 17th (greater); Craft Wondrous Item, Augment Summoning, summon natures ally, & speak with animal; Price 10,000 gp (lesser), 26,500 gp (normal), 52,500 gp (greater); weight 3 lb.

Could people give me their opinion on my above item. I thought it was pretty solid, but I would appreciate any comments good and bad. The one way improve is from defeat. I have been defeated now I hope to improve. If any of the judges would like to comment that would be great. Though I am sure they may be a bit too busy. Thanks

The line about the myths seems out of place. If this is supposed to be an item to enhance nature summoning, then the undead/planar description just doesn't seem to fit. Also, I don't think you really need the lesser/normal/greater split. The enhancement is similar to the corpsecrafter feat from libre mortis (+4 str, +2hp/hd), so you have a minor affect (talk to the ally you summon) and a pseudo-replication of a feat. Maybe include animal types from summon monster spells. Otherwise, it looks pretty good.

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

Darkjoy wrote:

Clark, critique me please?

** spoiler omitted **

Darkjoy, your item is a perfect example of a lot of things I have said before.

Your item is a great and fun item that if I were publishing a big book of items it would be in for sure. I love the mini-buff, the diehard feat and then the WIS damage. Fun. Funny, in a good way.

Your item is a competently designed wondrous item. And so were 250 others. There is, literally, no way to distiinguish between items like that. It cant be said that one competently designed item is top 32 over any of the other 250 competently designed ones.

We didnt comment on your item. Not a word. The three of us simply wrote "rejected." It didnt merit dicussion because it didnt have significant flaws. Neither did it do anything to distinguish itself among the mass of other well designed items.

Your item simply failed to stand out. It failed to set itself apart. That is its only failing.

Some have accused us of falling for gonzo wierdness. Yes, a couple of the top items are strange, but they captured our attention. They stood out. They mad us take notice. They tried something new. There was some design there.

You get a B+. Easily. Even though we all unanimously rejected the item.

I hope this isnt too hard to hear. "My item was good but it got summarily rejected? What?"

What it lacked was spark. And I agree that is very subjective. But there is otherwise nothign wrong with your submission.

Now do you see how hard this was for us? There were 250 other items just like yours--really good items that were perfectly well designed.

Dark Archive Bella Sara Charter Superscriber

Clark - would you critique the item I didn't submit? I got talked out of it by a friend and it was reviewed more positively than the item I did submit (the watch that let's you take extra actions).

Bountiful Sapling

This unassuming sapling is rooted in an equally simple earthen pot. It smells strongly of an unidentifiable fruit, which, if inhaled as a full-round action, dispels magical exhaustion or fatigue.

To unlock the true power of the sapling, it must be planted in the earth and given proper care, which requires a Knowledge: Nature check (DC 20). The sapling requires a month to mature into a tree capable of bearing fruit that can store druid spells in exactly the same way as a potion. The druid does not need the Brew Potion feat to create these potion-fruits, but must still spend the gold, experience, and time required to create a single potion of the type desired. Once this preparation is complete, the druid must make another Knowledge: Nature check (DC 20). If this check is successful, the tree sprouts 2d4 potion-fruits (all of the same type) one month later. Failing the Knowledge: Nature check means that the tree fails to take to the earth or sprout potion-fruits, but does not result in the destruction of the plant.

Moderate conjuration; CL 10th; Craft Wondrous Item, Brew Potion, restoration, greater; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.

Dark Archive Bella Sara Charter Superscriber

RogerC wrote:


Yeah, there's a bit of record-keeping, but it's only one number -- it seems on par with tracking the charges left in a wand, to me, anyway. But it's a good point.

I'm not sure I see the munchkin angle -- is there some obvious abuse that I'm missing?

I completely misread your item. I thought you had to make a successful saving throw to get rid of the -20 penalty.

Setting that aside though, it's not very much fun. You get to make one save that you really need to make, but then auto fail every save thereafter. It invites all sorts of meta-game abuse.

"Damn. I can't disable this trap."
"Okay! I'll open the door. That way I can get a save out of the way."

As a DM, I know that I would be tempted to hit the character with all sorts of nastiness because I knew he would fail his saves.

Sovereign Court

Sebastian wrote:
That was my reaction. It seemed like a lot of trouble and expense to do something of little value to an adventurer and which could just as easily be accomplished with the Sleight of Hand skill or a cantrip. Did I miss something? What was the use of the item?

The initial genesis was making items that take real world magic tricks and making them "real" magic - this was obviously inspired by the Indian Cup Trick, or the old Shell Game of street corner scams.

I saw its role as being a sort of starter bag of holding. A magic item that held a very limited volume. I saw it as useful in smuggling, intrigue, and the sort of harebrained schemes PCs get into. A poison ring, the royal seal, spell components - all sorts of tiny things with big consequences, snuck in under guise of a simple bowl.

Unfortunately, I did the mechanics while at work, and neglected to compare prices to the bag of holding and over priced this by at least 1000 GP, in my estimation.

I like the item, but yeah, looking at the winners, it ain't a superstar.


Forged Goo wrote:

I was thinking about the evaluation of my item and couldn't quite figure out what might be wrong. But thanks to this thread I may have discovered it. Do to lack of comments on my item (posted way at the start of the thread) maybe it was just too...too...blah. There i said it.

In case you missed it...

Wheels of the Vagabond: This set of wheels consists of four iron-rimmed wooden disks, each about the size of a standard buckler. When the command word is spoken and the wheels placed on opposite sides of an unattended inanimate object no larger than a typical wagon (250 cubic feet; 400 lbs.) the wheels enlarge to 5’ diameter, lifting the object from the ground, to create a magical transport. The new “wagon” functions as if being pulled by two heavy horses but requires only the concentration of the user. The user need not ride on the “wagon” but must maintain line of sight. A second command causes the wheels to reduce to their normal size and be easily removed.

Moderate Transmutation; CL 11th; Craft Wondrous Item; mending, animate objects; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs (per wheel).

So, do the disks create a wagon around the item? Or do they lift the item off the ground? What's the weight limit, or is it just the drag capacity/speed of two heavy horses? Not sure where the mending comes into play. Maybe using tenser's floating disk as a pre-req instead. Could make for a good utility device.

Scarab Sages

Danzig Darkheart wrote:

As close as I can remember, since I didn't save a copy, just entered straight into the post...

Adventurer's Vest

I'd love anybody's comments, I can take it.
DD

I think the killer here is that it IS too much like the Haversack. Also, having 15 pounds of potions at your fingertips removes one of the intentional brakes to potions - you have to go dig another one out.

Same with the ammunition (which is also a security nightmare for bodyguards).

Dark Archive Bella Sara Charter Superscriber

cappadocius wrote:


The initial genesis was making items that take real world magic tricks and making them "real" magic - this was obviously inspired by the Indian Cup Trick, or the old Shell Game of street corner scams.

I saw its role as being a sort of starter bag of holding. A magic item that held a very limited volume. I saw it as useful in smuggling, intrigue, and the sort of harebrained schemes PCs get into. A poison ring, the royal seal, spell components - all sorts of tiny things with big consequences, snuck in under guise of a simple bowl.

Unfortunately, I did the mechanics while at work, and neglected to compare prices to the bag of holding and over priced this by at least 1000 GP, in my estimation.

I like the item, but yeah, looking at the winners, it ain't a superstar.

What I did like in it was the ability to do short range item teleports. That could have been very useful - say two small chests that could transmit an item up to 60' away.

Scarab Sages

bluea wrote:

Scrollcaster

"ummm... no."

That would be my response to a player asking for one in my game.

It breaks too many tropes and is a spell PDA with a fabrication plant in the other end. An index on the side would have been OK, but casting from the image is a no go - you need the physical item, not a picture to use scrolls.


Kenneth Godwin wrote:

Guardian's Amulet

I don't see anything immediately wrong with it, but it didn't really suck me in, either. Sorry.


Sebastian wrote:
Scarab of Weal and Woe

Fair enough, Sebastian. Thanks for your thoughts on it.

Cheers,
Roger

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

Sebastian wrote:
Clark - would you critique the item I didn't submit? I got talked out of it by a friend and it was reviewed more positively than the item I did submit (the watch that let's you take extra actions).

What is that old quote? "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."

It was probably dumb of me to start critiquing. But I am definately not going to start doing it for items that werent even submitted. Except for Monkey Pants...but Boom got in with his anyway afterall.

Scarab Sages

ironregime wrote:
Patrick Walsh wrote:
ironregime wrote:
Conundrum of the Secret Scribe, an enchanted notion

It introduces new rules (requiring the explanation, which is a mistake), is a scrying "device" (which were dime-a-dozen), can't be taken or removed (as a GM and a player I hate those), and would break GM mysteries way too easily.

Ah, cool, more feedback. Thanks, Patrick!

Hmm, I didn't consider the enchanted notion stuff as "new rules," at least not much more than other items might have. Though perhaps I'm too close to it and can't be objective about that.

I thought it was a unique take on scrying. The Seer's Tea was praised for being a unique take on augury. So I'm still confused.

You'll need to ask the judges there.

ironregime wrote:
As for not being taken/removed, I can see your point. Due to space limitations, I cut text that indicated enchanted notions could be stolen via telepathy (sort of a mental disarm).

Yes, that would have helped. It does require that psionics be in use, which not everyone uses, so it puts your item in a niche.

ironregime wrote:

Perhaps your last point has merit in that there may be a bias (or at least hesitation) against divination items. Still, more powerful divinations do exist. Are they gamebreakers?

The top end ones are if not handled carefully or too plentiful.

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

Basiliv wrote:
Kenneth Godwin wrote:

Guardian's Amulet

I don't see anything immediately wrong with it, but it didn't really suck me in, either. Sorry.

That, right there, describes about 250 of the items submitted.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Basiliv wrote:

I think whether or not the barbarian is immune is your call (different flavors, really), but I agree it should have been addressed either way.

But I have to admit that nothing about this item screams "barbarian" to me. Aside from your statement about it being available while the barbarian rages, this could have just as easily been geared toward dwarves, fighters, etc. I think this could have helped a lot, to tie the item more strongly to its theme.

Hope that helps!!

Thanks! That's a good point that didn't occur to me. Probably because I took it from a "Magic Items for Barbarians" class acts idea I was working up a couple years back.

Personally, I see the concept of it physically manifesting the inner rage/fire of the barbarian, but it's perfectly suitable for other classes and/or gearing it to races instead.

Plus, looking back, I'm sure there were many other element-oriented submissions. So, I see plenty of reasons it was passed over. :)

But thanks for the feedback! Gotta remember when trolling the old idea files that I should re-think some items to see if they should fit a broader or different context.

Dark Archive Bella Sara Charter Superscriber

Clark Peterson wrote:


What is that old quote? "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."

It was probably dumb of me to start critiquing. But I am definately not going to start doing it for items that werent even submitted. Except for Monkey Pants...but Boom got in with his anyway afterall.

Okay. I'll settle for the comments on the item I submitted. ;-)

Time Shifter

By winding a tiny knob on this clockwork pocket watch, the user can literally store and release time.

Once per day, the user may spend up to three full-round actions winding the watch and counting aloud the seconds being stored. The user may break up these three full-rounds as she chooses (e.g., she may wind the watch three times that day for one full-round), but the burst of speed must be used immediately after the user stops winding. If the user is interrupted in the process of winding the watch, she must make a Concentration check as if casting a 9th level spell to avoid releasing the knob and being forced to restart the process.

Once wound, the watch face pulses with a faint green light. The stored time must be released as a free action at the beginning of the user’s next turn or the effect is wasted, counting against the number of uses per day. Upon release, the user may take a number of additional full-round actions on her turn equal to the number of rounds spent winding the watch.

Strong transmutation; CL 17th; Craft Wondrous Item, time stop; Price 55,080 gp; Weight Negligible.

Sovereign Court

Sebastian wrote:


What I did like in it was the ability to do short range item teleports. That could have been very useful - say two small chests that could transmit an item up to 60' away.

Oh, sure, NOW you give me a good idea! >:(

;)

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Darkjoy

Clark Peterson wrote:
Darkjoy wrote:

Clark, critique me please?

** spoiler omitted **

Spoiler:

Darkjoy, your item is a perfect example of a lot of things I have said before.

Your item is a great and fun item that if I were publishing a big book of items it would be in for sure. I love the mini-buff, the diehard feat and then the WIS damage. Fun. Funny, in a good way.

Your item is a competently designed wondrous item. And so were 250 others. There is, literally, no way to distiinguish between items like that. It cant be said that one competently designed item is top 32 over any of the other 250 competently designed ones.

We didnt comment on your item. Not a word. The three of us simply wrote "rejected." It didnt merit dicussion because it didnt have significant flaws. Neither did it do anything to distinguish itself among the mass of other well designed items.

Your item simply failed to stand out. It failed to set itself apart. That is its only failing.

Some have accused us of falling for gonzo wierdness. Yes, a couple of the top items are strange, but they captured our attention. They stood out. They mad us take notice. They tried something new. There was some design there.

You get a B+. Easily. Even though we all unanimously rejected the item.

I hope this isnt too hard to hear. "My item was good but it got summarily rejected? What?"

What it lacked was spark. And I agree that is very subjective. But there is otherwise nothign wrong with your submission.

Now do you see how hard this was for us? There were 250 other items just like yours--really good items that were perfectly well designed.


Clark,

thank you for the review. It doesn't matter to me that the only words you spent on my item was 'rejected'. Because you are doing a full review now and I am grateful for that.

I liked my item and you gave it a B+, to me this means that my next submission / query should have the same quality, with a whole lot of spark added ofcourse.

Furthermore, I understand that this has been hard on the judges, but you did great. Future rounds will show if that initial spark has some staying power.

Dark Archive Bella Sara Charter Superscriber

cappadocius wrote:
Sebastian wrote:


What I did like in it was the ability to do short range item teleports. That could have been very useful - say two small chests that could transmit an item up to 60' away.

Oh, sure, NOW you give me a good idea! >:(

;)

Ditto.


The Benevolent DM wrote:

Caduca’s Chewy

This item is made of a rubbery substance in the shape of a small hive. The chewy is dropped on the ground within reach of a target with a bite attack. The target must then make a Will save DC 17 to resist the compulsion to bite the chewy. A successful save allows the target to ignore the chewy and act normally. A failed save forces the target to use its bite attack against the chewy until it is destroyed, the chewy has 20 hit points. The target must remain immobile and may do nothing else but bite the chewy until it is destroyed. If the target has multiple bite attacks then only one is pre-occupied and the other attacks may be directed as normal.
faint enchantment; CL 6th; craft wondrous item, suggestion, armour; Price 1,200 gp

Note:
** I just realized that this is not my final version. Not sure where I have hidden that. LMAO anyhow this is an almost complete draft.

I assume my item's name and light hearted theme was the problem.

Hope it makes some of you smile!

I like this one. I could see it in a light hearted campaign, or just one of those evenings where the party is taking the night off from gloomy adventures. Great for stopping those pesky owlbears. Although I don't think immobility is the best way to implement this. Maybe lose the bite attack until the chewy is destroyed, or becomes distracted easily, so it becomes flat footed (cause it's filled with peanut butter...) ;)

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

Patrick Walsh wrote:
ancientsensei wrote:
Erik Mona wrote:
Feel free to post your non-advancing items in this thread. We don't mind.

Well, since the Man Himself has said so, I'll post mine. I welcome any input, especially from designers, but I expect the judges will decline since that request cannot fairly be made by everyone:

Prescience Pillow

Does too much and makes exploring not a hassle. Not any bounds or guidelines on how much trap info they get and the +2 bonus lasts too long and appears to be stackable, that is, on day 7 I can have a +14 stacked up and ready to use.

Hmm. Thanks for your input. Although I am not sure anyone else has interpreted that the bonuses are stackable, since they are single-use, insight bonus that only happens once per week.

I think a lot of parties would want this and a lot of GMs would love the little dream sequence. But I can see (sometimes :} ) How a reader might question exactly what information can be gained. The answer seems obvious to me: whatever the DM wants. We all have those moments we are almost bursting to describe, or those conflicts we want to set up to build excitement. As a DM, I would use this item to make tougher encounters and then give the PCs just a teeny bit of warning. I think it builds and releases dramatic tension at the same time.

Anyhoo, though I can see this point, there were many items in the top 32 where judges' comments were 'nice concept. wish there were more guidelines.' I think it must have been canned for something else.

Apprecate you giving me some of your time, though!

Scarab Sages

The Benevolent DM wrote:

Caduca’s Chewy

Yeah, a dog's chew toy was my first thought and it is a bit light-hearted for most campaigns.


Ken Marable wrote:
Vest of the Magma Rage

Pretty neat, but auto damaging everyone adjacent seems pretty powerful. Maybe switch to the same fire-damage-by-touch effect that a fire elemental has? And tack on the +1d6 fire to melee damage the bbn deals. I dunno. The fireball is a great addition and really adds to the item for me.

Scarab Sages

RogerC wrote:
Patrick Walsh wrote:
Thurburner Stone

Over the next 24 hours it will slowly shrink until it returns to its one inch size.

This is a weird and hard-to-arbitrate effect. I'd almost certainly house-rule this into an instantaneous change after 24 hours if I were using it in my game.

The whole next paragraph about what it can do and who use it, etc etc... I'd cut it. I don't think it adds anything.

I think it's too expensive for what it is and what it does.

What I might be inclined to go for is an oil that can coat regular sling stones and make them into Thurburners as a one-time effect.

Yeah, I could definitely see making some use of that...

Cheers,
Roger

Hmm... I like that. And that would have made it wondrous and not a weapon. Lesson learned.

The cost was based on the formula for the spell level (Wiz/Sor 3). You are right that the flavor paragraph (the 2nd) is not strong. as stated elsewhere, I should have worked on that or, as you say, dropped it.

Scarab Sages

FaxCelestis wrote:
Patrick Walsh wrote:
Fax Celestis wrote:

Hooray! I've gotten the text to my item. Here it is:

Earring of Larceny

Plus it does way too much for free (+2 competence bonus, silence, invisibility, knock, nondetection, AND it does not radiate magic or require verbal command words). Make all the spell effect cost charges and remove the mindreading part and you might bring it under control.

See, I thought that having everything be thematically linked would make it a cohesive, yet powerful, item.

That's sort of my point - it is MIGHTY powerful and I would expect it to unbalance most games quickly.

Scarab Sages

Darkjoy wrote:
Patrick Walsh wrote:

Thurburner Stone

Because you reviewed mine, here goes:

Is the cost not to high, 36000 gp is quite a lot of money? Given that this is basicly a one-shot item.

I wanted to suggest to make it truely one-shot, which would reduce the cost, but then it hit me. This feels too much like ammunition, not like a wondrous item.

The XP cost is optional I think, at least the SRD does not list them?

You are right about it being ammunition. RodgerC had a good suggestion about putting it in the wondrous category by making it an oil that turned sling bullets into thurburners.

I think I missed the XP cost as that is not in the SRD examples, but I think it is in the item creation text? Perhaps I am wrong - I'll have to check.

Scarab Sages

Patrick Walsh wrote:
Scott Hall wrote:
Midrealm DM wrote:


Diviner’s Chalk

I guess I wasn't the only one to do something with chalk:

Summoner’s Chalk

Hmm. My comments didn't get saved.

Short version: too much chalk for the cost. Reduce to 10-15 uses and it works better for me.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
ironregime wrote:
Ken Marable wrote:
Vest of the Magma Rage
Pretty neat, but auto damaging everyone adjacent seems pretty powerful. Maybe switch to the same fire-damage-by-touch effect that a fire elemental has? And tack on the +1d6 fire to melee damage the bbn deals. I dunno. The fireball is a great addition and really adds to the item for me.

Good points. Thanks! With the fire damage to all adjacent, I tried to keep it low but it was difficult to price, so that should have tipped me off.

As for the fireball, I've been wanting to build a nice "drop a fireball at your feet" item for a long time. I thought that might be fitting for a fire-themed barbarian. :)

Looks like I'm falling behind on my feedback karma (been getting but not giving). Better start digging through the thread now.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

RogerC wrote:
Sebastian wrote:
On top of that, arcane healing is a pretty ugly thing to begin with.

It's not that bad... bards do it all the time.

Cheers,
Roger

In my experience bards do one of two things:

1. Delay an action to Doomspeak a big opponent on his partner's turn, giving them some morale penalty on the roll (stupid fatespinners), so that the bad guy gets imploded or something on his partner's turn.

or 2. Die a crunchy, embarrassing death while getting blood all over their broken instruments.

In 25 years I am not sure I have ever seen a bard cast a healing spell. Just break or get broken.

I love bards.

Half the time.


Patrick Walsh wrote:
deClench wrote:
Patrick Walsh wrote:
deClench wrote:

As self-conscious as I'm currently feeling, I do want to grow as a writer and designer. So, here is my entry.

Second Thought
** spoiler omitted **

All comments are welcome.

-Scott

What's it based on?

Sorry, I don't follow.

Are you asking if there is a precedent in the game for the increasing intelligence? Not that I know of.

Are you asking if there is something similar from myth or literature on which it was modeled? Again, not that I know of.

-Scott

OK. Seemed familiar, which is why I asked. I like the clock-work aspect of the item. I, too, would like to know how to adjudicate the device when it becomes sentient. Does it have an adgenda?

The "endgame" of hte item was intentionally left vague: partly due to word limit and partly due to it being open to the player and DM (it would then be, essentially, an NPC and all rules are off. Of course, I could go on and on with more space. ;)

From one of the other threads, it was suggested that "plot device" items might be a bad design choice. I, however, happen to like having the seeds of adventure already packed into my items and spells and whatever--as player and DM. :D

-Scott

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

CLARK!!!!

I invited you to kick me in the berries and you reveiw someone else's items? I feel cheated! By not being kicked in the berries! That makes no sense! What's wrong with me?

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Darkjoy

Patrick Walsh wrote:


I think I missed the XP cost as that is not in the SRD examples, but I think it is in the item creation text? Perhaps I am wrong - I'll have to check.

Just checked d20srd.org and clicked a random wondrous item, no xp in the description, the feat takes care of that I should think.

The oil would be good, and cost effective. But I've got a feeling that something like that already exists.....

---
Ancientsensei

My berries are tingling from the B+ rebuke.....

Yup, tingly feelings all around.

Scarab Sages

Callum wrote:

For what it's worth, here's mine:

Darklantern

I think it's pretty clear why this didn't make it - Silas McDermott's Lantern of Selective Perception beat it both in timing and in clarity of writing. Any comments appreciated, nonetheless!

I agree. The limit for who gets the bonus and the limit of the bonus might need to be synchronized some how. It should be visible to true sight or similar magics (possible even detect magic). I am leary of things that give nightvision to groups all at once.

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