Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
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Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Flavor text is cool, but it does WAY too much damage. 15d6, auto-destroy, 12d6, or nothing is extreme. Kobolds are sensitive to sunlight. Why would this do 12d6 to them? If it's just that bright, it should do damage to everyone, not just groups that oppose PCs.
I'd recommend toning down the damage and removing the auto-kill feature. This should bring the cost down as well.
Thanks for the critique! I was worried that I stuck too closely to the sunburst spell description.
I like a lot of the items in this thread.
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Patrick Walsh I appreciate the input. I don't mean to be dense, but what do you mean by "twinkish"? The original intent of the item was to allow a rogue to flank someone by himself, though clearly there are a lot of other applications. I intentionally kept the cost high to keep it out of the hands of players at lower levels. I didn't think the combined effect of a short jump and a mislead spell would be overkill, but I haven't playtested the item either. I didn't think the combined effects would be too much since a wizard could do the same thing with a contingency spell, which would set off a mislead when a dimension door was cast.I would appreciate feedback...
Misleading Cloak
** spoiler omitted **
"I teleport behind them, turning invisible when I do, and leaving an exact duplicate behind so they don't notice I've moved. Oh, and they get no saves! While they're distracted by that, I sneak up behind them and back stab them! What are my minuses?"
That is what I mean by twink-ish.
There are feats, spells, and class abilities that completely replicate this effect without braking the rules, making this a "class/feat in a box" item, but broken.
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Clark, since so many have asked, and you've kindly responded, would you mind critiquing my item? Thank you.
Eyes of the Sun
These clear crystal lenses are worn over the eyes, much like any similar pair. When worn, the wearer can see in normal darkness as if holding a torch. Upon command, the eyes of the sun can emit a glow equal to the light spell, for up to 50 minutes per day. Once per day, the wearer can use searing light against a target.
Faint Evocation; CL 5th ; Craft Wondrous Item, light, searing light; Price: 16350 gpThis was a "not bad" item. One of the 250 that are all well designed but just seem to lack that oomph. I have no criticism of the item other than that it failed to catch our attention. Wolfgang liked it, very X-men.
We all wanted some richer writing from you in this item.
Thank you very much Clark. From inferrence, this is much what I assumed. Maybe next time! ;)
Scarab of Weal and Woe
"I use my scarab on this DC 15 REF save for [spell X]. My next save is at -20. The next time is at +20."
That was my intention for this item, yeah -- it is, as they say, "performing as designed."
Whether or not that design is any good is a matter of some discussion, but I'm glad most people seem to have grasped how it is supposed to operate.
Thanks,
Roger
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Here is my entry. If you could give me a critique, Clark (or anyone else for that matter) I would really appreciate it. Let me know what about my item got it cut from the top tier.
I think it is awesome that you are putting the time in to do this for us. I’m sure it is a good game design exercise for all of us.
Communiqués of the Archmage
Duplicates instant messaging, and the judges (notably Clark) dislike "modern items made into magic items".
Personally, I don't like the spell scribing function. What if someone on the other end sends a message while the spell is being scribed? Also, there is no limit set to the number of pages of information the scolls can handle. If the items generate the paper as necessary, then this is particularly broken with regards to spell scribing.
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Thurburner Stone
** spoiler omitted **
24 hours before I can take my boulder away and this costs 36,000 gp?
Seems pretty brutal. I mean I can see the fun of throwing a boulder and all but after I use this I got to hang around to get my magic item back. Won't that piss off the other players in the party and slow the game up?
You could probably get nearly the same effect game wise and maybe even add some interesting choices if you made it so that the boulder took 1 or 5 minutes to shrink. Thats enough game time that it can be used to block passages and it can leave players in a...
Yes, I agree. I need to do a new write-up, taking into account a cost decrease or a time decease. I have not decided which. I'm also considering making it an oil applied to stones instead of the stone itself being the item. I have not decided if I want it applied to sling stones that grow or boulders that shrink. Probably the former rather than the latter.
I am pleased that the basic effect has been well received. Now to improve the fiddly bits...
Thank you for your comments.
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Perhaps it was simply poorly worded then. I was skirting close to the 200 words but it works like: You walk behind the screen with a set of armor, and then one round later walk out wearing it. Or you have the armor stored inside, so that you walk in, it magically appears on you, and you walk out. The item would also let you change into simple, non-magical clothing of any variety. Perhaps the judges were upset at the potential abuse of creating your own infinite clothing line and becoming the Calvin Cline of you setting...This was mine...
Doreen's Delightful Dressing Screen** spoiler omitted **
I think you are correct. The missing text (you have to carry the clothes with you) makes a significant difference and resolves several issues with the item.
Hey, what do I have to lose? :)
Comments, compliments, criticism....I'll take it all. I'm just curious as to others opinions on this one.
Crux Draconum
Dragon in a box.
Also, you state it has charges, but never how many.
It's near the beginning of the description. Charges = Dragon's HD. :)
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Well here is my item. after reading it it could have been written better.
I was trying to be creative but it might have come across as to silly.But here it is anyways.
** spoiler omitted ** Leotard of Interpretive Dance
These finely crafted leggings are of a vibrant colour when the crafter makes them. A bard wearing these leggings can make a perform (interpretive dance) check. These leggings change colour continuously to reflect the mood of the bard’s performance, any intelligent creature that sees the bard must make a Will save DC the bards perform (Interpretive Dance) check. If the creature fails the save it becomes dazed for 1 round from the pure artistry of the dance. If the creature makes their save they become enraged at the bard for insulting their artistic sensibilities and receive a +1 attack bonus on the bard for 1 round.
Moderate illusion; CL 3th; Craft Wondrous Item, colour spray; Price 2,000 gp.
Leotards are not leggings. Interpretive dance is not medieval/renaissance but modern. It suffers from too much humor ("they become enraged at the bard for insulting their artistic sensibilities").
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Hey guys. I showed up late to the party and didn't get to enter anything. That said, I was wondering if you guys woudn't mind taking a look at a little custom item I came up with.
Good day, Warforged Goblin. Rather than discuss this in terms of the Superstar competition, I thought I'd respond as a DM or player, looking to include the item into my campaign.
Badge of Religious Fervor: ...Regardless of religious affiliation, anyone wearing a badge of religious fervor gains a +5 competence bonus on Intimidate checks.
Why "competence"? I would make it an enhancement bonus.
And I would probably restrict that bonus so that it doesn't affect other members of the same religion. (I'm imagining a group of clerics and divine warriors sitting around the lunchtable, all wearing the Badge and all accidentally Intimidating everybody else. "Gornath, pass me the ketchup." "Aaah!" After a while, they'd all sound like Klingons.)
In addition, the wearer may call upon the holy power of the badge, granting him a +3 sacred (or profane for evil wearers) bonus to AC for 5 minutes at a time, usable once a day. ...
When I read this at first, I was a little surprised that it provided an aggressive skill bonus, but a defensive bonus in combat once per day. Why did you decide on an AC bonus? I'd like it to be more evocative of the particular god, maybe based around one of the god's domain powers.
Thank you for offering this badge for our comments.
Thurburner StoneYes, the cost was high. With the once per day use and the rock being unweildy, the cost should have been reduced. Hmm... need to do some more reading before next year...
Thank you for your comment - I very much appreciate the feedback.
Hey Patrick, one other idea to add to your item I had this morning. I wasn't kidding when I said I liked it, I'm still thinking about it the next day.
If instead of thinking of it as a slingstone that grows and does extra damage (putting it in the weapon category), present it the other way.
It a a stone that provides a 5' x 5' x 5' piece of cover upon command. In addition, it can also be fired from a sling or thrown as the command word is said, to grow in mid-flight and do the extra damage.
That would probably move it to the wondrous item category.
You should probably throw in some rules on where it lands, though, like in the space adjacent to the target between the PC and the target, and adjudicate that if it misses use the grenade-like weapon rules to determine where it lands and provides the cover.
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I failed my Will save. I suppose I shouldn't use a d13. ;)
Hit me Clark! The rest of y'all too.
Doormaker
** spoiler omitted **I know the name is lame and I have seen a couple of chalks and one door-making item, I'd like to see more eyes on this one.
Too cartoony for me. I have the same issues as with the door spike thingy.
Hey Thanks Starglim and Patrick. This is my first conscious effort at item design and I'm starting to see what the problems were. And well Patrick, the marble stone is on the back of the gauntlet (bad wording on my part...), it works because the equations on the gauntlet channel raw arcane energy to override the magic animating the construct, 5 times a day is because of the way the pricing logic ended up, give the PC's the ability to co-op constructs because 1. I love constructs and 2. it was an ability that wasn't really addressed anywhere else, the geas/quest is because it seemed like the only spell of a commanding nature that had enough arcane force behind it to justify the logic behind how the item works.
Guess I'll do better next time! Anybody else have some pointers? I'd be most appreciative.
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This was my item. I sent it before I knew universal item weren't the equivalent of wondrous items. I guess this is why I'm not a RPG superstar. Comments are welcome, I'm not sure if its clear how to use it and if it is just a copy of the psionic power psychofeedback.
Medallion of Devolution:
I don't use the psionics rules, so I cannot comment on that. Creating a new type of damage is definitely non-SRD and ability changes are a pain to keep track of. That said, I kind of like the effect.
here's mine: I think it was boring, mainly... although I could see the Shoanti using this all the time.
Bracers of Focused Anger, Greater
These tanned leather bracers are interwoven with images of different races and strands of briars that irritate the skin and incite anger.
Good day, Sobelia. Rather than discuss this in terms of the Superstar competition, I thought I'd respond as a DM or player, looking to include the item into my campaign.
The wearer of these bracers gains two uses of Rage per day per the spell; each Rage lasts 7 rounds. The wearer is also under the constant effect of a +2 enhancement bonus to attack and damage rolls against the favored foe of the bracers. ...I don't have my SRD handy; does this stack with the Ranger's favored foes, or with the "bane" property of weapons? If it did stack with both, I think it might provide a way to massively large bonuses.
Thank you for submitting this for our perusal.
-- I appreciate the feedback Chris- as with all magic items, you have to look at the type of bonus- those of the same kind do not stack. As the Ranger's favored foe bonus is an unnamed bonus, it would indeed stack. In rgards to Bane- it would not stack since the bonus is an enhancement bonus. You would take whichever bonus is higher.
Hey Clark,
I've already gotten some good feedback from this thread, but if you're still providing criticism as well I would love to hear what you and the other judges thought of my item. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, I sit on my local school board -- I've gotten pretty good at taking criticism ;-)
Looking forward to next years contest!
Thanks,
Steve** spoiler omitted **
Sorry, Erik and Wolf had rejected it by the time I read it so I didnt add any comments. I dont have anything for you. I hope the feedback you have gotten here has been a help :) Keep it up!
Good day, Warforged Goblin. Rather than discuss this in terms of the Superstar competition, I thought I'd respond as a DM or player, looking to include the item into my campaign.Hey guys. I showed up late to the party and didn't get to enter anything. That said, I was wondering if you guys woudn't mind taking a look at a little custom item I came up with.
Thanks for taking the time to look over my item Chris. Let me see if I can't give you some insight as to what I had in mind:
Badge of Religious Fervor: ...Regardless of religious affiliation, anyone wearing a badge of religious fervor gains a +5 competence bonus on Intimidate checks.
Why "competence"? I would make it an enhancement bonus.
And I would probably restrict that bonus so that it doesn't affect other members of the same religion. (I'm imagining a group of clerics and divine warriors sitting around the lunchtable, all wearing the Badge and all accidentally Intimidating everybody else. "Gornath, pass me the ketchup." "Aaah!" After a while, they'd all sound like Klingons.)
The badge grants a competence bonus (much like other similar items, such as boots of elvenkind) instead of an enhancement bonus to prevent skill-breaking through item stacking. Wearing a badge and a circlet of persuation from the Dungeon Master's Guide would grant a +8 bonus to Intimidate (+5 enhancement stacks with +3 competence) using your suggestion, while following my way would only grant +5 (+5 competence overlaps +3 competence).
Also, just because it grants a bonus to Intimidate doesn't mean that you're constantly trying to Intimidate people. As for not affecting members of your own clergy, I can easily picture a high ranking member of a militant church wearing one of these and barking out orders to his subordinates. A drill seargeant of the cloth...
When I read this at first, I was a little surprised that it provided an aggressive skill bonus, but a defensive bonus in combat once per day. Why did you decide on an AC bonus? I'd like it to be more evocative of the particular god, maybe based around one of the god's domain powers.
In addition, the wearer may call upon the holy power of the badge, granting him a +3 sacred (or profane for evil wearers) bonus to AC for 5 minutes at a time, usable once a day. ...
Think about it like this; If you're out in the field (as this item was designed to be), and you try to scare the local bandits into giving up their lives of crime and it goes... poorly, wouldn't you like to know your god has your back if and when negotitations break down? ;-)
Thank you for offering this badge for our comments.
No problem, thank you for looking it over.
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** spoiler omitted **
I'd like your opinions, gentlemen.
Having looked at the other threads, my own view is that my item has a name issue, and because it involves a minor wish spell also had game balance problems. Maybe my method of pricing was out to?
Whatever is said, know that I am proud of it's feel and will use it regardless. My shoulders are broad too but I would appreciate the community's views.
Cheers
Pixie pot
This tiny earthenware pot contains a number of magical coins. It is kept hidden in a beautiful glade, which is also carved in detail on the pot.
When a coin is tossed in the air, anyone can make a minor wish to create a spell-like effect. The spell to be duplicated can be any wizard/sorcerer spell of 3rd level or lower. The spell effect allows saving throws and spell resistance as normal (but the save DC is that of a 5th level spell). The coin disappears as the spell happens.
Each pixie pot is a prized possession of the fey and holds a hidden secret. One coin (chosen at random by the DM) is cursed so that after it vanishes, the pot is sent back to its original hiding place. No magical means can detect the cursed coin.
Whenever a coin is removed it disappears after one hour.
Strong conjuration; CL 13th; Craft Wondrous Item, limited wish, teleport object; Price 6,825 gp + 3,750 gp per coin; Cost 3,413 gp + (1,875 gp + 38 XP) per coin; Weight ½ lb.
Remember that fireball is a 3rd level spell, so however many coins you put in there, that's how many fireballs you just gave the PCs. You also never state how many coins are in the pot, nor explicitly state that the coins being flipped are from the pot (it is implied in the last sentence, but never stated). Finally, the DM selecting which coin it the cursed one will feel like a rip off to the players, no matter how many or few coind they are given.
This is sorcerer in a can + plot device.
Clark,
Thanks for the avatar compliment.... :)(Big stupid grin on face)
I do really appreciate the feedback. It gives me something to go on for understanding.
Of course now I get to play read and give comments to Clinton Boomer as he works on his country submission. (Roommate of mine). I will say that even though mine didn't get selected it is really neat to know someone who did...that creative little monkey. Let me tell you.
I think that this contest is a great way to find new talent and respect the fact that you guys were willing to do this and took the time to read through as many entries as you did. Kudos. I don't know if my...
Kari, you absolutely have the right attitude about this. Your item wasnt bad at all, we just felt its appeal was for a very focused type of setting or world. Maybe we were wrong. Sorry if we were. Keep it up and give Boomer a hand. That will be a great learning process too!
Leotards are not leggings. Interpretive dance is not medieval/renaissance but modern. It suffers from too much humor ("they become enraged at the bard for insulting their artistic sensibilities").
That is so funny!
"Leotards are not leggings" is exactly what Mona said!!!
So Clark aside from what Starglim and Patrick said was there any other critique you had for my wondrous item? I sort of feel weird asking directly but I really want to do better on my next potential design.
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Thurburner StonePatrick,
You gave me some good feedback on my item, so I wanted to be sure I returned the favor. I really thought this was a good item and I've definitely pulled it out into my list of things to use later. I like that it is simple to use. I play with some really young players sometimes and they'll love being able to throw the big rock! OTOH, there a lot of things more advanced players can do with it. Its a great item that will appeal to both of my audiences.
I think it was said elsewhere on the board, but the shrinking aspect might be hard to work with and the fact that the players have to wait around for it, or lose it would be annoying. I would probably make it a single use item and reduce the cost accordingly. The name doesn't really grab me, but I can't think of anything better. If it was made by goblins it could be called "Little Big Rock," but that isn't better.
Thanks again for your feedback and I hope this helped you.
Steve
Thank you for your feedback. I think the cost and time seem to be the biggest deal breakers. The name... well...
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Runes of Direction:
Am interesting item - it provides a directional boost/hinderance to movement and missile fire. Do the effects stack? that is, if I have three rows of thes in front of my character, do I get +6 damage and +30ft to the range increment? If the answer is yes, then this is open to abuse.
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here's mine: I think it was boring, mainly... although I could see the Shoanti using this all the time.
Bracers of Focused Anger, Greater
Not boring, but "barbarian in a box". The description needs some strightening out as it reads like the bracers are woven with something else rather than the images on the bracers are interwoven together. Additionally, it is unclear if just the strands of briars irritate and incite or if both the briars and the images of other races irritate and incite. Clarification on this point would be useful.
I appreciate that my darklantern was just to similar to the lantern of selective perception to make the cut, as well as having some clunky writing, but I'd love to know if any of the judges had any other comments about it...
Thanks!
Just wanted to thank Clark (and others) for taking the time to reply about items in this thread (and especially mine, the Sneak's Mirror). It really helped to hear where/why I got dinged by the judges, both in terms of my peace of mind and learning "insider" opinions on some game mechanics (ability damage, specifically).
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Hey guys. I showed up late to the party and didn't get to enter anything. That said, I was wondering if you guys woudn't mind taking a look at a little custom item I came up with.
Badge of Religious Fervor:
needs a paragraph break between the flavor text and the crunchy parts. Why the intimidate bonus? Can this be used as a cleric's holy symbol? I hope not. The requirements to use are weak - fervent believers and lip-service guys all get the same bonus. And it is a cheap +3 to AC to boot.
Here is the item I submitted. Give it your best or worst as the case may be.
Vest of Scrolls:
This fine leather vest is useful to spellcasters and non-spellcasters. This vest has two interior pockets which each hold one scroll. Scrolls in these pockets get +2 on all saves and retrieving these scrolls is a move action but doesn’t provoke attacks of opportunity. This vest has one exterior pocket that holds one scroll. Placing a scroll in this pocket is a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity. The exterior pocket allows the wearer to cast spells from a scroll stored there as if it were on his spell list even if he isn’t a spellcaster. The wearer automatically knows what spells are on the scroll. All caster level check and attribute rules are followed. If your spell list doesn’t contain the spell on the scroll, your caster level is equal to ½ your Hit Dice rounded up. Each vest is made to be able to cast spells of a particular level or less.
Varies transmutation; CL Varies; Craft Wondrous Item, Read Magic, creator must be able to cast spells of the same level as the vest; Price 2,000gp (1st), 5,000gp (2nd), 10,000gp (3rd), 18,000gp (4th), 28,000gp (5th), 40,000gp (6th), 55,000gp (7th), 70,000gp (8th), 90,000gp (9th).
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Badge of Religious Fervor:needs a paragraph break between the flavor text and the crunchy parts. Why the intimidate bonus? Can this be used as a cleric's holy symbol? I hope not. The requirements to use are weak - fervent believers and lip-service guys all get the same bonus. And it is a cheap +3 to AC to boot.
Hey, Patrick. We owe you a lot of thanks for looking through all of these. I've learned a lot reading through your comments.
But I have to ask: you mention that the bonus is the same, regardless of the wearer's fervency. All right, but isn't that the same with any magic item? Everything from Candles of Invocation to a +2 Mace of Disruption decorated with St. Cuthbert's image, work just as well for the religiously tepid and the vicars going through crises of faith, as they do for the newly-converted and fearless. How would you adjudicate religious conviction (by level? Is the 10th-level Paladin perilously close to trading in his levels for Blackguard power more fervent than his meek, confident 5th-level student?)
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** spoiler omitted **
I'd like your opinions, gentlemen.
Having looked at the other threads, my own view is that my item has a name issue, and because it involves a minor wish spell also had game balance problems. Maybe my method of pricing was out to?
Whatever is said, know that I am proud of it's feel and will use it regardless. My shoulders are broad too but I would appreciate the community's views.
Cheers
Pixie pot
This tiny earthenware pot contains a number of magical coins. It is kept hidden in a beautiful glade, which is also carved in detail on the pot.
When a coin is tossed in the air, anyone can make a minor wish to create a spell-like effect. The spell to be duplicated can be any wizard/sorcerer spell of 3rd level or lower. The spell effect allows saving throws and spell resistance as normal (but the save DC is that of a 5th level spell). The coin disappears as the spell happens.
Each pixie pot is a prized possession of the fey and holds a hidden secret. One coin (chosen at random by the DM) is cursed so that after it vanishes, the pot is sent back to its original hiding place. No magical means can detect the cursed coin.
Whenever a coin is removed it disappears after one hour.
Strong conjuration; CL 13th; Craft Wondrous Item, limited wish, teleport object; Price 6,825 gp + 3,750 gp per coin; Cost 3,413 gp + (1,875 gp + 38 XP) per coin; Weight ½ lb.
Remember that fireball is a 3rd level spell, so however many coins you put in there, that's how many fireballs you just gave the PCs. You also never state how many coins are in the pot, nor explicitly state that the coins being flipped are from the pot (it is implied in the last sentence, but never stated). Finally, the DM selecting which coin it the cursed one will feel like a rip off to the players, no matter how many or few coind they are given.
This is sorcerer in a can + plot device.
Thanks Patrick. You summed it up pretty good.
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All right, here I go. Here's my item.
Amulet of Lightning Strikes
** spoiler omitted **
I left out the costing info because I couldn't find the version that had it. I gotta say that costing wonderous items is a real pain.
I agree with costing being a pain. ;)
You need to define "used lightning rod", probably by specifying that it has to actually be hit by lightning (from the natural sky, not by any spell or spell effect). You should not allow the shocking ability once the haste it activated - the energies are committed at that point. The writing describing the shocking effect needs to be streamlined for clarity - I wasn't certain what you were trying to say until the sentence was over. Perhaps just say it grants shocking grasp 3x per day?
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It's near the beginning of the description. Charges = Dragon's HD. :)Hey, what do I have to lose? :)
Comments, compliments, criticism....I'll take it all. I'm just curious as to others opinions on this one.
Crux Draconum
Dragon in a box.
Also, you state it has charges, but never how many.
ah, missed that. My bad.
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Thurburner StoneYes, the cost was high. With the once per day use and the rock being unweildy, the cost should have been reduced. Hmm... need to do some more reading before next year...
Thank you for your comment - I very much appreciate the feedback.
Hey Patrick, one other idea to add to your item I had this morning. I wasn't kidding when I said I liked it, I'm still thinking about it the next day.
If instead of thinking of it as a slingstone that grows and does extra damage (putting it in the weapon category), present it the other way.
It a a stone that provides a 5' x 5' x 5' piece of cover upon command. In addition, it can also be fired from a sling or thrown as the command word is said, to grow in mid-flight and do the extra damage.
That would probably move it to the wondrous item category.
You should probably throw in some rules on where it lands, though, like in the space adjacent to the target between the PC and the target, and adjudicate that if it misses use the grenade-like weapon rules to determine where it lands and provides the cover.
Good points! I'll incorporate these when I re-write the item (sometime this weekend during my "copious free time").
Actually that brings up a very good point: By changing the order I present the effects in, does it change the category of the item? I'd think not, but I can see both sides of the arguement.
Judges?
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Hey Thanks Starglim and Patrick. This is my first conscious effort at item design and I'm starting to see what the problems were. And well Patrick, the marble stone is on the back of the gauntlet (bad wording on my part...), it works because the equations on the gauntlet channel raw arcane energy to override the magic animating the construct, 5 times a day is because of the way the pricing logic ended up, give the PC's the ability to co-op constructs because 1. I love constructs and 2. it was an ability that wasn't really addressed anywhere else, the geas/quest is because it seemed like the only spell of a commanding nature that had enough arcane force behind it to justify the logic behind how the item works.
Guess I'll do better next time! Anybody else have some pointers? I'd be most appreciative.
Cool. I can see where you were coming from now. And I've played characters that would love to have gauntlets that just do the special effects of your item, let alone the actual powers.
Cool. I can see where you were coming from now. And I've played characters that would love to have gauntlets that just do the special effects of your item, let alone the actual powers.
Yeah. Me too. But constructs are probably my favorite monster type... never been sure why...
But anyway.
Here's another question for those Judge type folks:
Say we wanted to do a rewrite of the item on the off chance that you guys do decide to publish them in something. Would you allow us to do a revision and then give you that one instead? I'm not interested in changing it that I might claim the rights as my own just make it what I wanted it to be. Give you guys the best item I can forge.
If we were going to do a book of items from this (which, as far as I know is NOT in the works) we would probably contact people whose items seemed good but with some editing or other flaws and ask if they wanted to redo them. But dont bother sending in alternate versions now.
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Here is the item I submitted. Give it your best or worst as the case may be.
Vest of Scrolls:
This item kicks spellcasters to the curb. OK, that may be a bit harsh, but it definitely duplicates the powers of another class for everybody. I would not allow non-spellcasters to use this item at all. I'm also not keen on items that side-step the downsides of scroll or potion use.
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Badge of Religious Fervor:needs a paragraph break between the flavor text and the crunchy parts. Why the intimidate bonus? Can this be used as a cleric's holy symbol? I hope not. The requirements to use are weak - fervent believers and lip-service guys all get the same bonus. And it is a cheap +3 to AC to boot.
Hey, Patrick. We owe you a lot of thanks for looking through all of these. I've learned a lot reading through your comments.
But I have to ask: you mention that the bonus is the same, regardless of the wearer's fervency. All right, but isn't that the same with any magic item? Everything from Candles of Invocation to a +2 Mace of Disruption decorated with St. Cuthbert's image, work just as well for the religiously tepid and the vicars going through crises of faith, as they do for the newly-converted and fearless. How would you adjudicate religious conviction (by level? Is the 10th-level Paladin perilously close to trading in his levels for Blackguard power more fervent than his meek, confident 5th-level student?)
That's actually a weakness of these kinds of items. Many of the items that are tied to belief are designed for clerics, so there is little need to question the level of belief. Items that get used by all or most classes become a little more problematical (that is, make me work harder as the DM), so I don't like them. I'm willing to let more generic holy items slide a bit as a DM, but if the item is keyed to a specific faith, I feel the deity is paying closer attention to who's using it.
The Badge of Religious Fervor is designed to be used by everyone, which can lead to abuse (especially from a roleplaying perspective). I think I would tie the Badge to particular classes or even a prestige class to show a tighter connection between faith and the items abilities.
If we were going to do a book of items from this (which, as far as I know is NOT in the works) we would probably contact people whose items seemed good but with some editing or other flaws and ask if they wanted to redo them. But dont bother sending in alternate versions now.
Just wanted to check. I'll probably still try and fix it but thanks a lot Clark.
On a slightly related note I'd like to say that these are the best message boards I've ever been on.
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I'm guessing my Mask of Dead Revelations was dinged for a number of things: swiss-army wondrous item, mismatched name, bland.
So, constructive criticism-ophiles, do me a favor and let me know how I could have made this better:
Mask of Dead Revelations
** spoiler omitted **
This unadorned wooden mask allows conversations with a dead (or even undead) creature. Twice per day, the mask can be placed over the skull of any Small, Medium, or Large creature with approximately humanoid features, allowing it to answer questions as if under the effect of speak with dead (2 questions). During questioning the mask takes on the appearance of the creature when it was alive, (similar to disguise self). Only the skull need remain intact, and the subject does not get a saving throw due to alignment differences.In addition, the mask can be used on undead creatures. If used on a corporeal nonintelligent undead creature, the mask not only functions as above, it also places that creature under the control of the first being to ask it a question. This effect is identical to command undead, but lasts only until the last question is asked and answered. Intelligent undead are subject to the disguise self abilities of the mask, but are in no way forced to answer questions.
Faint necromancy, faint illusion; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, speak with dead, command undead, disguise self; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
I'd give intelligent undead a WILL save to avoid the control or just make them immune entirely. Hmm... In fact, forget the WILL save, just make them immune.
I like the basic powers and the descriptive text. There is tons of roleplay possibilities here. I'd make it once or thrice per day instead of twice, thrice if you make intelligent undead immune. I like the control of unintelligent undead lasting only the length of time between the questions.
If you don't make intelligent undead immune, put a maximum time for the control based on CL or give them a new WILL save every day or every new moon.
needs a paragraph break between the flavor text and the crunchy parts. Why the intimidate bonus? Can this be used as a cleric's holy symbol? I hope not. The requirements to use are weak - fervent believers and lip-service guys all get the same bonus. And it is a cheap +3 to AC to boot.
Fixed the paragraph break. Why the Intimidate? Well, I'll be honest, I originally designed the badge to be part of an Eberron game for an NPC of the Silver Flame. However, the idea translates well, be it a badge of the Silver Flame, St Cuthbert, Torm, or Abadar; A militarily minded church would more than likely make use of this kind of item.
I see no reason why it couldn't used as a holy symbol, nor do I see any problem in letting a PC do so.
The "requirements" are no weaker than those of boots of elvenkind; you've got to either buy them or make them. Let's say that Ed the Paladin has a Dex of 7 (he does, trust me), is wearing a masterwork breastplate, and has no ranks in Move Silently. What's stopping him from buying a pair of boots of elvenkind and turning that -5 penalty to Move Silently into a +0 modifier? The same goes for a half-orc fighter who worships Gorum that wants to really show his enemies that, despite his lack of divine spellcasting, his god backs the threats he makes and buys a badge of Gorum's might. The extra boost to AC is only once a day, and only for 5 minutes. Yeah, it sorta is a shield of faith in a box, but with the sacred bonus instead of shield or deflection, I feel that it's different enough. Not only that, I wanted to add something that changed the badge into something more than just a skill-boost item.
All that said, thanks for going over all of these. I hope I'm not coming off like an ass or anything, I'm just trying to show you waht I did there...
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Ha! Finally caught up.
Thanks to everyone who commented upon my item (the Thurburner Stone). I will incorporate your comments into a revised version (or two).
Most of my comments are based on initial reactions and I tried to give a helpful comment or praise to everyone. I feel like I'm in good company.
Now I have some writing to do...
Later!
here's mine: I think it was boring, mainly... although I could see the Shoanti using this all the time.
Bracers of Focused Anger, Greater
Not boring, but "barbarian in a box". The description needs some strightening out as it reads like the bracers are woven with something else rather than the images on the bracers are interwoven together. Additionally, it is unclear if just the strands of briars irritate and incite or if both the briars and the images of other races irritate and incite. Clarification on this point would be useful.
I initially didn't have the images of the favored foe on the bracers, just the briars that were interwoven with the leather. For the player characters, I waned to have a way fro them to tell to which foe the bracers were keyed.
Also, I tried to aim this at the non outdoorsy classes to offer them more combat ability. It could be abused by a barbarian- at first level raging 3 times without penalty,giving them a total of four rages, which is why i dropped the favored foe bonus to +2 from my intial +4
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needs a paragraph break between the flavor text and the crunchy parts. Why the intimidate bonus? Can this be used as a cleric's holy symbol? I hope not. The requirements to use are weak - fervent believers and lip-service guys all get the same bonus. And it is a cheap +3 to AC to boot.Fixed the paragraph break. Why the Intimidate? Well, I'll be honest, I originally designed the badge to be part of an Eberron game for an NPC of the Silver Flame. However, the idea translates well, be it a badge of the Silver Flame, St Cuthbert, Torm, or Abadar; A militarily minded church would more than likely make use of this kind of item.
I see no reason why it couldn't used as a holy symbol, nor do I see any problem in letting a PC do so.
The "requirements" are no weaker than those of boots of elvenkind; you've got to either buy them or make them. Let's say that Ed the Paladin has a Dex of 7 (he does, trust me), is wearing a masterwork breastplate, and has no ranks in Move Silently. What's stopping him from buying a pair of boots of elvenkind and turning that -5 penalty to Move Silently into a +0 modifier? The same goes for a half-orc fighter who worships Gorum that wants to really show his enemies that, despite his lack of divine spellcasting, his god backs the threats he makes and buys a badge of Gorum's might. The extra boost to AC is only once a day, and only for 5 minutes. Yeah, it sorta is a shield of faith in a box, but with the sacred bonus instead of shield or deflection, I feel that it's different enough. Not only that, I wanted to add something that changed the badge into something more than just a skill-boost item.
All that said, thanks for going over all of these. I hope I'm not coming off like an ass or anything, I'm just trying to show you waht I did there...
No problem, in fact I worry about coming off as an ass myself.
The issue I see with it being a cleric's holy symbol is that it is a holy symbol that gives an AC bonus. Hmm... Maybe I was just cranky. You know what, forget the holy symbol comment. If they were wearing it or brandishing it, they'd still get the bonus, so you're right.
As I commented earlier, I like holy items to tie more into the faith than generic magic items, otherwise why would it matter who wore it? The boots of elvenkind have no faith element, so who cares who wears it? But an item dedicated to a specific deity should draw that deity's attention, especially if created with powers granted by that deity. Therefore, at some level the deity should care who's wearing it and representing the faith.
I like having an order with a holy symbol that does things as a reward of faith. I just see Joe Bob Fie-tor wearing one and getting the bonus because the deity's name was just added to the character sheet after the treasure list was read out. Agravates me it does.